Hope Springs Eternal
by Haemophilus Leona
Summary: Edward's Breaking Dawn. For a full minute that felt longer than the last two days combined, Bella lay as still and silent as a corpse. But she wasn't dead! I knew she wasn't! I waited for her to wake in a state of poised excitement so acute it was agonizing. Her eyelashes trembled, her eyes moved beneath closed lids, and then they opened, and Bella lived again.
1. Book 1: Wedding Bells

**Book 1: Wedding Bells**

 **Chapter 1: 1922**

"Did you bring the rings?"

"I have them right here." I patted my pocket, feeling the bands which were tucked safely against my chest.

"And the priest, he knows where to meet you? And to wait, even if you are delayed until the sun sets?"

"Relax, Carlisle! I confirmed it with him a dozen times this week."

At nearly three hundred years old, Carlisle still looked twenty-three, as he would for eternity. Most days, his sure, easy confidence gave him a maturity that belied his youthful appearance. On this day though, I knew that he felt as young as he looked. He was a bundle of nerves and excitement like I'd never seen before, and I couldn't help but to laugh at the man who had become a father to me.

Nudging his shoulder, I gestured toward the beach. "Come on. Help me finish setting everything up."

Carlisle zipped away, returning at a slightly more controlled pace so as not to dislodge the blossoms that covered the arch he was carrying, and I trotted beside him to the exact center of the crescent-shaped beach. He and I had constructed the wooden trellis for the couple to be married under, and Esme had woven it with the lilacs and freesia that she had planted, along with the many species of flowers that were native to our island home.

I'd seen Esme imagine the simple ceremony that she desired and had worked with Carlisle to create it for her. The three of us had spent days collecting a variety of shells from the reefs that surrounded our island, using them to create a path that led from the house down toward the beach and to define a circle within which we now anchored the trellis. Under and around the shells, we'd tucked more of the flowers so that the scents which floated on the wind were rich and sweet, and enhanced by the salt from the ocean.

His eyes darted toward the house as he worried his lower lip. "I wish I had a way to notify some of my friends so they could have joined us. Esme should have some women to help her prepare. Maggie and Siobhan would have come. And Liam too, of course. It would be good to see him again."

"Perhaps. But it would have ruined the wedding for the guests to drink the priest in the middle of the ceremony."

"I'm sure they could have restrained themselves for an evening."

I grunted and shrugged. Although I knew that Carlisle counted many of them as friends, I had never met a human hunter and was quite glad to be spared the experience on this day.

"You, then. Go check on her, Edward. Please? Just to see if she needs any assistance."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "I can check on her from here. She's doing her hair."

"But she cannot see you."

"She shooed me away the last time I offered to help. Besides, what do I know of women's hair?"

"Pull what she wants from her mind, just like you did with all this." He gestured his arm in a wide arc that covered ourselves, the beach, and the house where Esme was preparing herself to get married.

"She's fine, Carlisle. Stop worrying!"

We stood back and admired the setting. The waters were clear and blue, the sands were powdery and white, and the air was filled with the calls of the birds and the pulse of the ocean. Above us, the sky stretched in a blue and white bowl, and when the sun peaked from behind the fluffy clouds, Carlisle's skin shone as though he were lit from within.

My father had purchased the island in part as a place where we could keep Esme safe – away from the humans whom she might accidentally kill – and in part as a way of showing her what she meant to him. A human might court the woman he loved by buying her flowers; Carlisle had bought Esme an island full of them. That it gave us a permanent place to which we could escape any time we wanted to enjoy the sun and the kind of life we would have lived as humans was just an added benefit.

He and I were dressed in matching tuxedos, as was appropriate for the occasion, but we were also barefoot, which we felt suited our beach setting. I was nearly as excited as my father, even though I was not the one getting married. However, I _was_ getting a new mother, and our coven was officially becoming a family.

As the sun sank closer to the horizon, I ran down the path that led to the dock and the sailboat which floated alongside it. The sails caught the constant steady breeze as soon as I unfurled them, and I pointed the small boat toward the mainland. The sun was hidden behind the light cloud cover as I pulled close to the city, saving me from exposure to its rays, and I knew that to the humans' eyes, I would merely look like a pale young man, rather than the unnatural, stone creature that I was.

The priest was waiting for me on the agreed-upon dock, and we engaged in small talk while I guided the craft back to the island. It had taken some convincing before the human had agreed to conduct the ceremony on our island home. A healthy donation to his church had helped to persuade him that the entire world was God's temple, and He would be there to preside over the small wedding just as He would in a traditional setting. Wanting to laugh, I wondered what the human priest would think if he knew that he was in a tiny boat with a vampire, on his way to an island where two more vampires waited. I was sure he was safe. A single human was a far cry from an entire city-full, and Esme was not about to mess up on her wedding day.

I was proud of my now golden-eyed mother-to-be. A few months earlier, she would never have been able to go into the city without killing any humans unlucky enough to cross her path. With Carlisle's guidance and endless patience - and me to monitor her thoughts - we had carefully desensitized Esme to the scent of humans until, just a week earlier, I had been able to take her into downtown Rio de Janeiro so that she might choose her wedding dress.

Though she'd maintained control the entire time, I'd been all too aware of her relief at leaving the store once her purchase was made. The close contact with the human women who ran the boutique had been a strain for her, and her eyes had been black by the time we'd left. I had felt an echo of her desperate thirst and had taken her straight into the nearby jungle to hunt.

After docking the boat, I led the priest to the beach, where he, Carlisle, and I stood in the sand, waiting for Esme to join us. Just as the sun sank below the horizon, turning the clouds that shielded us into a gold and red backdrop for the island which we faced, Esme made her appearance. Carlisle's bride had woven the same flowers she'd used in the trellis through her caramel-colored hair. The dress she'd chosen was a simple one, with a light pattern of pearls across the top. The silk stopped just above her ankles in front, exposing her bare feet, and the short train lightly brushed the sand in the back. Watching her through Carlisle's eyes, she seemed an unearthly vision of beauty.

She carried a single sprig of lilac from the bushes she'd planted that matched the ones which Carlisle and I had pinned to our lapels. They never took their eyes off of each other, and I could see their love for one another in their brilliant smiles as she reached the place where we waited. My new mother handed her flower to me before turning to take my father's hands. I absently twirled the simple bouquet between my fingers as the priest began to speak the same words that had been spoken countless times before. For this couple though, the simple, traditional vows of lifelong love carried a different weight. Till death do we part meant something completely different for creatures who would never die.

From this day forward, we would truly be a family. Smiling as I stood beside my parents, I was happy for them as well as for myself. Yet as I watched their wedding, I had to stifle my feelings of jealousy and resentment, knowing that it had taken Carlisle more than two centuries of searching before he had found his mate, and he'd had to change her himself.

The only other option available was to find a vampire who was willing to give up her diet of human blood, and he'd been unsuccessful in that endeavor. He'd been alone until he'd changed me and had taught me from the beginning to live on the blood of animals just as he did, and as we had tried to teach Esme to do. Though he, of course, forgave Esme's accidents - the humans she'd killed weren't her fault - I didn't want any vampire girl who'd fed upon humans for who knew how many years.

I doubted I would ever be so lucky as to find the woman I was meant to be with only moments away from her death so that I could change her and keep her from killing from the start, just as Carlisle had done for me. And would I really want that, anyway? What woman would thank me for damning her to an eternity of thirst, for inflicting the pain of transformation upon her, for stealing her soul, and turning her into an unnatural, dead creature like myself?

* * *

 **Author's Note**

If you're a new reader of my stories, welcome! If you've been with me throughout the journey, welcome back!

Standard Disclaimer: Alas, I am not Stephenie Meyer. This is my interpretation of the events of Breaking Dawn from Edward's pov. Like my other stories, I stick with canon, so the main plot and much of the dialogue is directly from BD, and thus belongs to SM and not to me. I'm just grateful to be allowed to play in the universe which she created.

When I say I stick with canon, what I mean is that I don't contradict it, at least, not intentionally. No matter how much I'd like to name Nessie Elizabeth instead or have newborn Bella struggle at least a little bit, since that's not canon, it won't happen. However, I've had lots of fun exploring the tidbits SM gave us, and you will find many original scenes as well as some from the movies which were not in the book woven throughout this story.

I've written three other books in Edward's Saga, and if you haven't yet, I invite you to read those first. _Eternal Teenager_ was initially going to be the beginning of this book, but it took on a life of its own and became a prequel instead. The other two are _Saudade_ and _Frozen Fire_ which are retellings of New Moon and Eclipse, respectively. It's not necessary to read any of those first to follow the events in this one, but I think you'd enjoy it more if you did.

Like all writers, I love feedback. Sometimes the simplest comment can give me inspiration or motivation, so please take a moment to tell me what you think. Criticism is welcome. Unlike Edward, I won't bite. ;)

~L


	2. Announcements

**Announcements**

I closed my eyes and breathed in the most delicious scent in the world. It was sweet, rather like freesia with a hint of strawberry, only better. The scent flowed like a river over a sheer mountain edge, turning the sound of the pulse that drove it into the roar of a waterfall. It surrounded me and caused my throat to ache and burn, but it was a burn that I had grown to love, because as long as I burned, it meant _she_ lived. Only too soon, the burn would die, because so would she.

Her scent held a tint of fear induced adrenaline, and I heard the sound of her pulse accelerate from whatever thoughts were scaring her. Smiling to myself, I thought I had a pretty good idea of the source of her fear. _Me._ Or rather, what she was doing because of me. I felt her hand twitch in mine, and tightened my hold on her, just slightly. I didn't want to crush her fragile, bird-like bones.

Simply holding her hand in mine was a pleasure unlike anything I had imagined I would feel before I had met her. She was warm, and the heat of her living body soaked into my cold skin. Even better, I could feel the band of metal that pressed against my fingers. Like me, it had soaked up her warmth, though it had none of its own. Keeping my hand under hers, I moved it just slightly, letting the light in the room catch the stones in the ring she wore. My human mother's ring. My Bella's engagement ring.

Outside of the house, a car door slammed shut, and I could hear Charlie's grumbling thoughts at the sight of my car parked against the road. _…be nice to the kid…_

"Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remember that you're not confessing to a murder here," I teased her.

"Easy for you to say," she muttered. Charlie's steps were loud as he neared the house, and I heard Bella's heart rate and breathing increase at the sound of keys in the front door.

"Calm down, Bella." Her fear was almost amusing, even though just the day before, it would have caused me distress, forcing me to wonder if she wouldn't choose a life without me. Now, her insistence that this was what she wanted only added to my anticipation for what was coming. Sitting there waiting for it was nearly as agonizing to me as it surely was to her, but for the opposite reason. Bella was worried about her father's reaction to our announcement whereas I wanted to stand up and shout it to the world: Bella and I were engaged to be married! She had said yes!

Her body flinched at the sound of the slamming door.

Deliberately nonchalant, I called, "Hey, Charlie."

"No!" She shook her head as she whispered the word.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Wait till he hangs his gun up!"

I couldn't stop the snicker at the thought of a gun being any kind of a threat to me, and I knew as well as she did that Charlie would never harm his own daughter.

Bella's father, Charlie Swan, was the Chief of Police in the tiny, rainy town of Forks, Washington that I had come to call my home. I liked the fact that it was nearly always cloudy here, giving me the freedom to live an almost normal life. I liked that it was small – fewer humans meant fewer minds to hear. I liked the fact that it was so near to a mountain range that was heavily populated with some of my favorite prey. But none of those things made it _home._ It was the girl at my side who did that, and anywhere in the world that she lived would seem like home to me, so long as we were there together.

I still found it nearly impossible to believe my good luck. I had been a monster in every sense of the word for many years: a bloodsucking demon who killed humans for food, a dead creature who could never die, arrogant and foolish, and – I had thought – eternally alone. True, I had stopped killing humans long ago and, as Bella often reminded me, I had stuck to killing only those who were themselves monsters in a misguided attempt at negating my own evil. But those facts did not make me any less of a monster.

Somehow, she didn't see it. Somehow, she knew what I was and wasn't afraid. Somehow, she saw me as good, despite knowing my past. Somehow, she loved me, despite all that I had done to her, despite how close I had come to killing her on many occasions, despite the fact that one day – soon – I _would_ kill her. Somehow, despite having another option, another young man whom she loved and who loved her nearly as much as I did, she had chosen me. I ran the hand not clasped in hers through my hair, trying to contain my emotions.

Charlie came into the living room, still armed and dressed in his uniform. _…spend much more time here gonna start charging him rent…_ I saw the muscles along his jaw clench at the sight of us together, but he forced a smile and spoke pleasantly. "Hey kids. What's up?"

"We'd like to talk to you. We have some good news." I was unable to keep the pleasure out of my voice and didn't even bother to try.

I watched through his eyes as they flashed to Bella's face, and then mine. Though she looked scared, I was smiling and clearly pleased with myself. My skin seemed even paler than normal next to her pink glow and, given our expressions, my lack of color seemed strange to him. Unable to define exactly what it was about me that always made him nervous, he was not oblivious to the subtle menace that I projected like his daughter was.

He might not want me there, might even have preferred to kick me out and demand that I never return, but he had seen how miserable she was without me and knew that being with me made her happy. Resigned to my presence in her life, his eyes narrowed, and he repeated my words in a low growl. "'Good news'?"

"Have a seat, Dad," Bella invited him.

… _oh, this can't be good…_

Anxiously, he stomped to the recliner and perched on the edge of the seat, holding himself as rigid as any unhappy vampire I'd ever seen. I waited along with him for Bella to tell him the news I was all but bursting with.

"Don't get worked up, Dad. Everything's okay," she tried to reassure him after a moment of complete silence.

I couldn't stop my grimace at her use of the word "okay" to describe the situation. _Okay_ could describe a day at school, or a mediocre movie. _Okay_ was appropriate when someone asked how you were and you were miserable, but couldn't admit to it. _Okay_ was what the past century of my life had been.

Bella and I were getting _married!_ Everything was incredible, fantastic, unbelievably amazing, or absolutely _glorious!_ But it was not okay! Saying that our engagement was okay was like describing the Sistine Chapel as a nice building, or saying the Mona Lisa was a decent painting. No. Bella and I were engaged to be married. My life couldn't have been more perfect, and okay didn't even come close. But though she may have agreed, the thought still made her nervous, and so I held my tongue.

"Sure it is, Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?"

"I'm not sweating," she denied.

He frowned at her, his lips twisting into an angry scowl, and I felt her lean into me. Through his eyes, I watched her wipe the sweat from her forehead, as though Charlie wasn't watching her remove the evidence.

… _knew it! I just knew it!..._ He glared at me, trembling with fury, and accused, "You're pregnant! You're pregnant, aren't you?" _…I'm gonna… just… wait till I get my hands on him…_ ** _knew it!_**

"No!" Bella shouted. "Of course I'm not!"

I felt her fingers tighten around mine and managed to avoid broadening my already smug smirk since Charlie was still glaring at me. I'd been right about the source of her fear. She'd told me that was how people would see us. Her mother had instilled within Bella a fear of marriage, especially at a young age. Renée hated Forks even more than Bella did, and had gotten married to Charlie for the very reason he accused me of wanting to marry Bella now. "Knocked up, like some small town hick," was the way she had put it to me.

How I wished such a fate were even possible for us. I would have given almost anything for the ability to give Bella a child. She protested that she didn't want one and was fine with never becoming a mother, but Bella was so young and could have no real understanding of what eternity truly meant. I worried that she might change her mind when it was too late for her to do anything about it, but was through with trying to force her to chose a different life. We would get married, and Bella would become a vampire, and I would just have to hope that my love for her would suffice.

Charlie looked away from me, surprised at the vehemence of Bella's denial. Able to see the truth in them, his scowl lost some of its ferocity as he met Bella's eyes. She was a terrible liar, and that she was telling the truth now was immediately apparent to him.

"Oh. Sorry," he mumbled.

"Apology accepted," she said calmly.

He watched Bella, and I watched her through his eyes as we waited for her to explain our good news. Charlie watched her blink a few times, and I saw a look of fear cross her face again, just before she turned her head to stare at me. I met her wide eyes, smiling at the silent plea that I could read as easily as if I were capable of reading her mind.

Taking a breath to steady myself, I turned to face him. "Charlie, I realize that I've gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don't want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I'm asking you for your blessing. We're getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – by some miracle – she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?"

I could hear the victorious ring in my voice as I spoke the words to him. She had chosen me, as she had from the very beginning. In my arrogance and stupidity, I had been unable to accept the truth of her feelings for me at first. How could the emotions of a teenage human girl possibly compare with the passions of a hundred year old vampire? How could someone as pure, selfless, and sweet as this human girl care at all for a murderous monster? I still didn't know, but I knew that she _did,_ and I was no longer going to deny the truth. We were mates. She had chosen me, promised herself to be eternally mine, just as I was forever hers. No, there was no way I could diminish her choice.

Always the odd man out among three perfectly matched couples, I had believed myself doomed to bachelorhood for the entirety of my limitless existence. I'd watched my parents and siblings find love and promise themselves to each other, but that it could ever happen for me had been inconceivable. Now, it _had._ Once more, I had to restrain myself from shouting it: We were getting married!

As I spoke the incredible, beautiful words to him - _Bella has already said yes!_ \- I saw his eyes dart away from her face to our linked hands and the ring that rested on her finger.

… _Married?! Already said yes?! What? No!_

Charlie's body locked down like a vampire in stress. He stopped breathing and sat motionless, staring at the engagement ring that rested on his only daughter's finger. Unlike a vampire though, his blood pressure reacted to his stress. The blood in his body flooded his face, turning it from the pale shade of grey that his fear of our impending announcement had caused to a bright red that a normal, thirsty vampire would have been unable to resist.

I watched Charlie's mind as he processed the idea. His mind was not silent like his daughter's, but neither was it as clear to me as most every other person's I'd ever met. He'd always been a man of few words, and I had once thought his mind was as slow to think as his mouth was to speak, until I had met Bella and realized that _I_ was the slow one. Charlie's mind was quiet, but it certainly was not slow, and although it usually lacked much of a monologue, the visuals that flowed through his thoughts were fascinating.

Bella's breathing stopped at the same time as her father's did, and I knew it was her body's reaction to her fear of what Charlie would say to our news. I felt her move beside me, as though to rise from the loveseat and go to him, but I thought that he might simply need time to process our announcement.

"Give him a minute," I whispered to her.

In his mind were vague images of Renée's body swelling with his child and the kind of wedding he had been afraid we were planning; of Renée leaving, and taking Bella away from him; of Bella's face through the years and the small changes he missed as she learned to walk, grew and eventually lost her teeth – I had to bite back a laugh at the image of little-girl-Bella's small smile as she tried to hide her missing front teeth – of Bella during our first summer together and the happiness that she had constantly displayed; of the horrible depression that followed my attempt to remove myself from her life. As his body continued to react to his thoughts, I was aware of a fiery anger at this image, and a fear that I would abandon her again, as I had already done once before.

The color in his face changed from the enticing red to a bright purple from his anger that swiftly shifted toward blue from his lack of oxygen. Finally releasing his held breath, he began breathing again as a new image formed in his mind. This time, instead of Bella's misery, I saw him remember my own. The day that I had returned with her, he had seen what my absence from her life had done to me, just as clearly as he saw what it had done to her. He glanced at us and saw the difference in us now: Bella's face, pink and healthy, and my own expression as I held back the barely contained ecstatic smile.

Acknowledging this difference calmed him slightly. ... _put himself through that again, but if he ever puts_ her _through it... a cop knows how to hide evidence of foul play..._

I nearly laughed aloud as he imagined himself hiding my body. He needn't have worried about that. I had learned from my mistake, and never again would I leave my Bella. Soon, we would be joined as husband and wife for the rest of eternity. My long years of loneliness were over, and I was more than ready to start my life as Bella's husband. I only wished that didn't mean her death.

Well, perhaps it didn't. Carlisle had tried to convince me that becoming a vampire had not ended my life. Esme, too, had told me that it was merely the end of one life, and the beginning of a new one. I still had my doubts, but I couldn't doubt Bella's love for me, nor mine for her.

"Guess I'm not that surprised," he finally said in a sour tone. "Knew I'd have to deal with something like this soon enough." His eyes flashed to Bella's face as she sighed in relief. "You sure about this?"

Bella's instant response made my silent heart swell with pleasure. "I'm one hundred percent sure about Edward."

"Getting married, though? What's the rush?" His eyes narrowed. ... _eighteen is too young! Must be something influencing them..._

"We're going away to Dartmouth together in the fall, Charlie. I'd like to do that, well, the right way. It's how I was raised." Considering all the lies I'd had to tell to both him and his daughter since I'd met them, I was glad to be able to speak one truth, at least. My human mother would never have allowed me to move away so that I could shack up with some harlot. If she wasn't respectable enough for me to make her my wife first, I'd have had no business with her! Elizabeth had been so careful to raise me to live without sin, and I felt a familiar wave of remorse at how far from her path I'd strayed.

In my century of existence, I had lied, stolen, cheated, taken revenge, coveted, envied, and outright murdered. About the only sin in which I hadn't indulged was one for which I hadn't believed myself worthy. What serial killer deserved the love of a woman? There had never been another woman in my life before Bella, not in that way, at least. I had always known that I didn't deserve Bella's love, but I accepted it gratefully.

My explanation had him grimacing, for it left him without an argument. He continued to frown at me, and his mouth twisted to the side. "Knew this was coming," he muttered again.

I saw his memory from just the day before, as he had watched his best friend's son being carried into their house by the members of their tribe after what Charlie had been told was a motorcycle accident. The incident had, in fact, been a battle with a vampire army, and Jacob's pack of werewolves had been instrumental in helping us to defeat them. Jacob's had been the only significant injury, but werewolves healed quickly, and the young man would make a full recovery. Charlie couldn't know any of this, and believed all of us to be human, just as he had believed the motorcycle cover story.

As Jacob had been carried into his room, he had met Charlie's eyes and had said to him, "Bet you're glad she loves Cullen instead of me today, huh, Charlie?" Though he had, at one time, preferred Jacob over myself for his daughter, he couldn't deny that I had always been far more concerned with Bella's safety than Jacob was. Jacob had taken her motorcycle riding, even going so far as to hide the illicit bike at his house where Charlie wouldn't see it. Jacob had kissed Bella against her wishes, earning him a punch which had broken Bella's hand. That hand was still encased in a brace, and a glance at Bella's broken hand had him picturing the many times she had come home in bandages from a day spent with Jacob.

Charlie's face lost its glower, becoming blank with fear as he remembered seeing his only daughter wrapped in bandages and casts a year ago when her life had been threatened by yet another vampire. In order to prevent Charlie from becoming a target, Bella had told her father that she was leaving Forks because she hated the tiny, rainy town, just as her mother had once said to him. My family and I had only just managed to save Bella from James, the sadistic vampire who had been intent on killing my fragile human girl. However her encounter with him had landed her in the hospital, covered in casts and bandages, and resulted in a coma which had lasted several days. Bella had insisted to Charlie that I had saved her life – after a fall down several flights of stairs, which had been her cover story that time – but from that day until very recently, Charlie had disliked and mistrusted me.

"Dad?" Bella saw Charlie's change of expression, but of course, she couldn't know the reason behind it.

I watched Charlie's memories, catching bits and pieces of images, of him talking frantically on the phone with doctors – my father included – and calling Bella's mother so she could go be with their daughter during her hospital stay. As Renée's face crossed Charlie's mind again, he pictured her furious reaction at learning that their eighteen year old daughter was about to get married. He imagined his own gloating face as Bella reacted to her mother's wrath and burst out laughing.

Holding his stomach, he leaned forward, his body shaking with mirth. _…good cop, bad cop…_ _know_ she'll _put a stop to this!_

I knew only too well how stubborn their daughter was. Neither Charlie nor Renée had any chance of changing their daughter's mind, especially considering the wedding was Bella's way of getting what she thought she really wanted: for me to change her into a vampire. Well, that, and what we intended on our wedding night, what she had convinced me to try to do with her. I had wanted her from the start, but she was so fragile, so delicate, so breakable, where I was strong enough to crush granite. The thought of accidentally harming her terrified me, but to secure her hand, I had agreed to try to make love to her, and so she had agreed to marry me. Bella's parents had no chance of stopping the coming wedding when _I_ had been unable to sway her from her goals. The very idea of someone else changing Bella's mind was ludicrous!

… _called having your cake and eating it, too!_

Charlie continued to laugh, picturing Renée flying to Forks to drag her teenage daughter away from me, while he, the picture of innocence, was saved from both Bella's anger and the wedding we planned. Bella glanced at me, but I was fighting my own laughter at Charlie's deviousness.

"Okay, fine," he managed to say between gasps. "Get married. But..."

"But what," Bella pressed.

"But _you_ have to tell your mom! I'm not saying one word to Renée! That's all yours!" He laughed harder as I fought my grin. He'd agreed! I had Bella's father's permission to marry her! Not that his refusal would have stopped me, but his blessing was something I had never expected a creature like myself to gain. Never stopping his snickers, he left the living room to go to his bedroom and change. As soon as he left the room, I met Bella's wide-eyed look of fear with a broad grin.

"See? Nothing to worry about." My voice was smug, _gloating,_ even.

"Sure, sure. Nothing but Renée." She groaned and leaned into me.

"Putting it off won't make it any easier." I stood and tugged on her hand, still grinning.

She allowed me to pull her into the kitchen, took a deep breath and held it, staring at the phone. Her face paled, and her heart accelerated faster even than when we'd waited for Charlie.

Losing my smug grin, I touched her face carefully, turning her toward me.

"It's not too late. We can still go to Carlisle. Or, if you prefer, Vegas is still an option." I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. I was done with trying to force her into anything. Trying to force her to remain human had only kept her in the danger that being a human in my world had inevitably brought to her. Trying to remove myself from her life had nearly ended in both of our deaths. Trying to force her to stay away from Jacob had hurt everyone involved, as had my later attempts to convince her to choose him. Through everything I had done to her, she had remained firm in what she wanted. Me. Forever.

Though that didn't necessarily mean marriage to her, it had to me. I wanted so desperately to marry her, to make her _mine,_ and she had finally seemed to accept the idea in our meadow - had in fact, argued _for_ the idea when I had tried to call it off - but now, faced with telling her mother, her fear came back.

She let her breath out, and I smelled her wonderful warmth as it blew against my face. Her chocolate eyes lost some of their worry as I stared into them.

"No. We're going to do this right. I promised Charlie that we wouldn't e-elope. Renée will be able to handle things easier this way. I can't just disappear with no explanation." She took another breath which she held as she reached for the phone.

I wrapped my arms around her while she engaged in small talk, feeling her silky hair on my face, and I memorized the sound of her voice as she told Renée, "Mom, I'm marrying Edward." I couldn't stop the low chuckle of delight from turning into a snicker at her mother's response.

"I'm a little miffed that you waited so long to tell me. Plane tickets only get more expensive."

If I thought Charlie had an interesting mind, Renée certainly did. Childlike and insightful, she saw clearly what other humans missed, even if she couldn't always explain or understand it. I wasn't a normal human boy, but I was completely and irrevocably in love with her daughter. Though she didn't understand the first, she had become convinced of the second when we'd visited her that spring.

For all of Bella's fears over her mother's reaction, and all of Charlie's hopes that Renée would put a stop to it, Bella's mother had known what we were headed for before either of us had truly accepted it.

"Commitment was never your problem, sweetie," she told Bella with a laugh. "You have a better chance of making this work than most forty-year olds I know. My little middle-aged child. Luckily, you seem to have found another old soul."

Those words startled me. I had called Renée insightful many times; how could she think that I had a soul when I was sure of the exact opposite? Though I would desperately like to believe that Bella and I were not just mates, but soul mates, I knew that even if my transformation from human to vampire had not destroyed it, then my actions as a human hunter surely had.

I closed my eyes and vowed to do everything in my power to protect Bella's pure, beautiful soul.


	3. The Talk

**The Talk**

For months, I had been afraid to leave Bella's side for even a minute. She had been under the protection of my family – and, I grudgingly allowed, the wolves' protection as well – ever since we had discovered that she was being hunted by James's mate, Victoria. The vengeful vampire had sent an intruder into Bella's house and had created an army of bloodthirsty newborn vampires to attack my family in her attempt to kill both myself as the vampire who'd killed her mate, and the human girl whom she blamed as the reason for his death.

Just the day before, I had killed Victoria _and_ the intruder while my family and the wolves had destroyed her army. Bella had finally rejected Jacob completely and had fully accepted our engagement. Neither the wolf nor his pack were a threat to her or our happiness together. The only creature that threatened her life now was myself. I was destined to take her life from her, but though I had delayed her change many times, the only thing that was stopping her anymore was my insistence that we be married first.

The date was set: August thirteenth. In just two months, I would make Bella my wife. I laid beside her on her small bed, just as I did nearly every night, but this night was different. This night, we were officially engaged. Her parents had both agreed, and my sister already had Bella's wedding dress hanging in her closet. This night, as my human girl lay sleeping in my arms, I looked toward the future with more hope than I had felt in a very long time. There was no need to fear that she would be stolen from me, or that she would choose another path. The only things that I feared were what her choices would mean.

Once we were married, I would change her into a vampire like myself. I had seen more than my fair share of newborn vampires and knew from experience how strong the need to drink human blood was, especially in those first months. I was terrified that, like my mother, my sister, and my brothers, she would be unable to resist.

I knew what killing humans had done to me, had seen Esme weeping after every kill she'd made, and had seen Emmett's remorse when he'd taken human lives. Except for the occasional accident, Alice had stopped killing long before she and Jasper had found us. Unlike his tiny mate, Jasper still found our way of life difficult, but I knew that each kill weighed on his conscience just as those I had killed did on mine.

Like me, Rosalie had killed out of anger and vengeance, but unlike me, she hadn't drunk the blood of the men who had harmed her. And unlike me, she, alone of my family, felt no remorse for the deaths which she had caused.

And Bella? When I gave her what she had asked of me time and again? How would the murders she would inevitably commit affect her and the way she saw herself? The way she saw my family? The way she saw me? If she was right and we retained our souls - as Carlisle had insisted all along - what kind of damage would murdering humans do to her soul? The same kind I had done to mine? Or worse, because I had not asked to become a vampire, whereas _she_ wanted this fate.

As much as that worried me, I had a more immediate concern than preventing Bella from killing, for there was one other demand Bella had made before she had been willing to agree to marry me. She wanted me, as I wanted her. I sighed, frustrated and scared. How was I going to keep from killing her on our wedding night? I pulled myself away from her and leapt from her bedroom window. I needed to speak with my father.

Leaving her with no protection for the first time in months felt wrong, but there were no longer any other threats to her life; Bella was safe. Sprinting along the familiar path toward my home, I wondered if Carlisle would even be there, or if he'd still be tending to Jacob's injuries. We had set his bones after a member of the army had broken nearly every one of them on the right half of his body, and Carlisle was keeping a close watch on the young man. We couldn't exactly take him to the hospital. Not only did werewolves heal extremely quickly, but their bodies also ran at a temperature that would cook a human's brains.

Jasper was waiting for me outside of our house when I got home. He was worrying about Esme. She was sitting on our couch with her knees pulled up to her chest and her eyes closed while she dug her fingers into a pillow.

He began speaking as soon as he saw me. "You need to talk to Esme."

Frowning, I asked, "Why? What's wrong with her?"

"She won't talk to me, so I can't be sure, but the emotions coming from her have me concerned. I told her that she didn't need to worry anymore. All of us are fine. The wolf was the only one hurt, and I can't conceive that she is worried for _him,_ but I'd swear she was grieving like one of us had died."

"I'm sure she _is_ grieving," I said with a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. "Where's Carlisle?"

"Still at the wolf's."

I groaned in annoyance. I had really wanted to talk to him.

His forehead creased into a frown. "She didn't seem to be upset that she killed while we were taking care of the army. She knew it wasn't the same as killing a human, so I don't see why - "

"No, Jasper, it's not that. The girl, Bree. The newborn that Felix killed." The vampire girl had been on my mind since watching her death, and I could see from her thoughts that Esme was also dwelling on the girl's undeserved fate.

"Oh." He grimaced. "Why'd you have to plant that thought into Esme's mind? You had to know they wouldn't let the girl live!"

I thought of the way the newborn vampire girl had protected her knowledge of the wolves, of how she'd silently told me of the Volturi's duplicity, of her bravery in the face of her own death, and heard Jasper's soft hiss as he felt my own grief.

I repeated to him the words that I had spoken to Carlisle as we'd watched Bree's body burning. "She would have made a good Cullen."

He grunted.

"They didn't have to kill her," I growled angrily. "We could have taught her – "

"Yes. And grown our coven even larger in the process. I'm sure Aro would have loved that."

I scowled at him. "She protected us. She knew I could read minds and told me how the Volturi were lying. They had _wanted_ the army to win. They had known where Victoria was, had even _visited_ her! Bree could have told Jane about the wolves and put us all in danger. She could have saved her life by doing so and she knew it, but she didn't, and Jane had Felix kill her for no reason other than her own sick pleasure."

He frowned, not liking to see the Volturi in such a light. He respected the ruling coven as the peacekeepers of our world, despite Aro's desire to have Alice enter his service.

"Aro keeps the peace so that he can maintain power, Jasper. He doesn't need to rule by force when the rest of the world gives him their allegiance willingly. And those who don't keep their mouths shut."

"Of course, he has no need for anyone to _speak_ against him, does he?" He quirked an eyebrow at me since I was the reason that the leader of the Volturi even knew about Alice and her gift. The moment he had taken my hand, he had known all of my thoughts and, through me, had seen all of the visions of the future that I had watched Alice have.

"Well, I'm not planning on shaking his hand again any time soon. Now that the army is dead and Jane can report back that Bella will be a vampire soon, they have no reason to visit us."

 _Officially? Perhaps not. But that doesn't mean he will ever give up on Alice._

"I know," I mumbled and walked into our house to try to comfort my mother.

Esme didn't look at me when I walked in, so I sat down on the floor beside her with my back against the couch. She concentrated on something trivial, not wanting to let me see what she was really thinking. We sat in silence for several minutes until her thoughts escaped from her careful silence. I saw the image of Bree's red eyes, locked on my Bella and saw the newborn writhing on the ground, screaming from the pain of _not_ drinking the human girl. Or it could have been Jane's stare that was causing her pain; I couldn't be sure which image Esme was seeing.

Trying to make her see the good that had come out of the day, I told her, "Bree's sacrifice assured our family's safety."

… _was so young… just a baby, really…_

I sighed. "I know, Esme. I'm sorry that they killed her too."

… _could have had a daughter…_

"You have _two_ daughters. Rose and Alice both love you. You know that."

… _old enough that they don't need a mother._

I turned around and put my hand on her cheek. "We all need you, Esme. That will never change."

She sniffed, despite her inability to shed tears. Jasper entered the house, and I felt the sense of peace that he was trying to spread to counteract Esme's sorrow. I was rather glad he wasn't trying to make her happy. The very thought of our coming wedding had me ecstatic already, even if the thought of what followed filled me with fear.

Attempting to help him to cheer her, I said, "And you _are_ getting a new daughter, you know. Soon."

She met my eyes at last and, though her forehead was still creased in a frown, her thoughts stopped dwelling on Bree. Bella's beautiful face flashed through my mother's mind. I saw an image of rosy cheeks, flushed with blood from her easy blush.

Nodding in acknowledgement, I heard the pleasure in my voice as I spoke. "Like Alice said, the date is set. Charlie and Renée even gave their permission today when Bella told them. We're getting married in just a couple of months, Esme! So, please don't be sad." I gave her a crooked grin, my eyes pleading with her not to grieve anymore over the girl we hadn't really known.

She gave me a tremulous smile. "Charlie didn't object? I know Bella was afraid of his reaction as much as anything."

I laughed, enjoying the memory. "No."

Alice joined us then, dancing down the stairs to take Esme's hand. "Come and see what I found!" She turned to glare at me as Esme stood. "No peeking! Go back to Bella's."

I grimaced. "I wanted to talk to Carlisle."

"Oh. Well…" Her eyes went blank for a second. "He'll be home in a few minutes. Go wait by the end of the driveway so you can't hear." She wrinkled her nose at me.

"Fine," I gave in, and headed for the end of our three-mile long driveway to wait. Alice wanted to distract Esme from her sorrow with plans of our wedding, plans which the groom should not be privy to.

Leaning against a tree, I remembered the weddings I'd been a part of over the past century and laughed aloud. I had longed for a mate of my own and eagerly anticipated the day when Isabella Swan would become Bella Cullen. I said the name to myself a few times and decided I _really_ liked the way it sounded. My wife, Bella Cullen.

As promised, Carlisle's Mercedes soon turned onto our driveway. He stopped when he saw me, and I leaned over to look through the window that he opened. "Will you come hunting with me?" I asked with a hopeful smile.

"Of course." _Let me park, and I will be right back._

I nodded and returned to the tree I'd been leaning against. Aside from the fact that I did need to speak with him privately, I desperately needed to hunt. The stress of killing Victoria, dealing with Jane, and watching Bree being ripped apart and burned had been bad enough, but afterwards, I had helped Carlisle as he rebroke and then set Jacob's bones. Holding Jacob's bleeding body in my hands had been almost more than I could take, and I knew that my eyes were black with thirst.

My father appeared at my side, and together, we sprinted toward the nearby mountains to hunt.

"How's Jacob?" I asked as we ran.

"He is healing as expected. There do not seem to be any signs of infection, but with his high body temperature, it is hard to tell. I think the bones are knitting, but I am keeping him on the morphine drip for now. He was sleeping when I left, so I will go back in a few hours to check him again. Billy has our number if they need me before then."

I nodded, hearing the excitement in his tone at having such an unusual patient.

I had no desire for another deer, but we found a black bear and a few elk which were far more appealing. Once our thirst was satisfied and our prey buried, we stood together as we had countless times before and looked over the mountain range.

"I am guessing there was more to your desire to hunt with me tonight than simple thirst," he said, seeing through me as he always had.

I turned to him with a huge grin. "Bella and I are getting married."

He laughed. "I know. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am for you."

I sighed and savored the memories of slipping my human mother's ring onto Bella's finger, of the look in her chocolate eyes as she gave me her hand without hesitating, of the sound of her voice when she told her mother that we were getting married.

"You did not bring me all the way out here to tell me something that I already knew, though. What is on your mind?"

"I need to tell you something, and to ask you something," I began hesitantly.

 _Go ahead._ "I have told you many times, Edward. I will help you in any way that I can. Whatever you need, just ask."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I knew would be a difficult conversation. "You know that when I left Bella, while I hunted for Victoria, I encountered several vampires. And that I killed some of them."

"In self-defense."

"Two of them, yes. But the third..."

He sighed, frowning at me. "Why are you bringing this up now? What does it have to do with you getting married?"

"I want to tell you why I killed him. You said you thought I must have had a reason, and I did."

"Edward, you need to let the past go," he said firmly. "Reliving what you did will not change anything."

"I don't expect it to."

"Then what is the point?"

"He was a predator, Carlisle. Like the human men I used to kill, only far worse because the humans had no way to stop him."

"Edward," he whispered, _"all_ vampires are predators. You and I just drank a small herd of elk, not to mention the bear you caught. Vampires elsewhere in the world are killing humans as we speak. We all hunt for our prey."

I shook my head angrily. "He was different. He wasn't just after their blood. Seattle, for whatever reason, seems to have a population of humans who are fascinated with the idea of vampires. They have _clubs,_ for Pete's sake! I went into a store where they even sell bags of fake blood for the humans to drink. They _like_ the idea of becoming what we are." I scoffed in disgust.

Much though I hated the idea, it was one thing for Bella to want to be a vampire. She knew that my family drank animals, and intended to never kill a human – whether she would be successful in that endeavor or not. These others didn't know there was another way. If they got their wish, they would be human hunters. It baffled me that any humans could _want_ to live on the blood of people.

"This one – I never even found out his name – he would go to the clubs to meet his prey. He would charm the women, and when he got them alone... Well, I can't exactly call it rape because they were willing. At least, at first." Briefly, I met his wide eyes. "When I got to know him and saw what was in his mind, I couldn't allow him to live. What if... What if _Bella_ had gone to Seattle?" I trailed off in a whisper.

My Bella was fascinated with the dangerous creatures which inhabited her world. And, for whatever reason, we were drawn to her as well. My family, Aro, Jacob and his pack, James, Laurent, Victoria, Riley, and an entire _army_ had all been drawn to her. And, of course, me. The biggest possible danger in her life was the vampire who was in love with her.

"Bella is safe now," he said gently. "You are getting married soon, and then she will join us. Our family is strong. No one will harm her."

 _"I_ might."

"Changing her into a vampire will not kill her, Edward!" He crossed his arms and glared at me. _What do I have to do to show you that you are not dead?!_

"That's not what I mean."

"What then?"

I hesitated before admitting, "She wants a honeymoon."

He chuckled, but his eyes held a look of confusion. "Most brides do."

 _"Before_ I change her into a vampire."

"That is understandable. While she is still human you can take her wherever you wish. Not such an easy task with a newborn vampire."

Grinding my teeth, I stressed, "A _real_ one. The kind every other couple has." I looked back into his eyes and saw my face in his mind. I saw the fear in my eyes and the comprehension in his as he took in my meaning.

"Oh."

I turned away from him, clenching my fists.

"I see." Though he tried to hide them, I caught images in his mind of his own honeymoon with Esme.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Not helping, Carlisle," I said through my teeth.

 _Sorry…_ He began mentally reciting the latest medical text he'd read, keeping his thoughts of himself and Esme private once more.

After a moment, he took a breath and spoke in his low compelling voice. "I do not need to tell you that love is a powerful emotion, even among humans, but especially among our kind."

I shook my head. I was well aware of that fact.

"Love and sex don't always go hand in hand for either species, as you also know."

I nodded.

"The Seattle vampire whom you killed obviously had no emotional attachment to the women; therefore he was neither affected by them, nor concerned with their safety."

"Obviously," I muttered.

"Just as you were not affected by Tanya."

I scoffed. "Not for her lack of trying."

"What I mean is, it will not be the same with Bella as it was with – "

"Wait, _what?!"_ My jaw dropped open as I spun around to gape at him.

"I will admit, when you didn't fall in love with Tanya, Esme and I wondered if... Well, I know that you were angry with me in the past for changing you when you were so young."

"So you thought, what? That I wasn't even old enough to form any kind of an attachment like what you and Esme had? Or Rose and Emmett?"

 _Forgive me, Edward. We were worried about you._

"If you'd had any idea of what I had to put up with from their minds, you would have known why I wanted nothing to do with her, or her sisters." I glared at him with my hands clenched into fists at my sides. _"Nothing."_

He blinked at me for a moment, and I knew he understood what I was trying to tell him. Finally, he laughed softly and clapped a hand to my shoulder, shaking his head. "I wish you would have told me! Why do you think we stayed with them for so long? Esme was so relieved when we left, as were Emmett and I, but we kept expecting the two of you..." _...to make it official._ "To be honest, I was quite surprised when you demanded that we leave."

"Unbelievable," I muttered. "When did I _ever_ give you the impression that she and I were anything more than friends?"

"You did not. But _she_ did!"

"Of course she did! She didn't like being rejected. It hurt her ego."

"Neither can you tell me that you liked being alone. Even if it is not in your nature to be so cavalier as to engage in casual intimacy, there is much to be said for finding comfort in simple companionship."

I stared at him, incredulous. My family hadn't liked the fact that I was single any more than I had, and I'd seen all of them picture me with one of our female vampire friends or another throughout the years, including Tanya. I was not shocked so much that he'd thought it, but that he'd actually believed it had happened!

"Do you have any idea how many men she's killed? She was just exactly like the Seattle predator for many, many years. How could you think that I would ever be involved with someone like her?"

Losing his laughter, he said, "Yes, she killed men in her past. Something that you had in common. And you both regretted your past actions and have since lived on animal blood alone."

"So you automatically assumed that two reformed killers should just – "

"No," he interrupted me. "But shared grief can create bonds of love."

"Not in this case," I snarled.

"No. I suppose not."

I sighed and turned away from him again, crossing my arms and grinding my teeth.

"Well, that doesn't really change anything. Except that, if you were not already so deeply attached to Bella, I would warn you that the physical expression of your love could change you." His voice shifted to one of warmth, just shy of laughter. "But she has already changed you so completely, there is no point in worrying about that."

I couldn't help but to smile at that. "I love Bella more than I can even begin to say."

"I know."

I saw in his mind an image of myself sitting motionless and miserable by the Alaskan bay after I'd left Bella. He was remembering his fear that had I been planning to end my life. Of course, I hadn't been at that point, but that was because I'd known that Bella was alive, and I had believed that she would heal from my betrayal. I had hoped that she would lead a long and happy human life, but when old age eventually took her, I had known that I would not be far behind. We all knew, now, that her death would kill me.

There had even been times over the past century when I'd been grateful for my solitary existence for that very reason. If I never had a mate, I would never have to feel the pain of her loss. What a fool I'd been. My bond with Bella was powerful, and the idea of losing her was terrifying, but the joy that she already brought to me was without equal. And once we were married... I shivered in anticipation and dread.

"I want her, Carlisle. Oh God, do I want her," I whispered. I reached down to pick up a rock and closed my fist around it. When I opened my hand, it had been ground into dust. "But I don't even know what to expect."

"I do not imagine you are asking for advice on... _how."_

I shot him a scathing glare.

"No, I did not think so. You have always been discreet, even when the rest of our family has not." His lips twisted as he recalled Rose and Emmett's early days together. We'd finally built them a home of their own just so that they would stop destroying ours. "But you cannot have avoided seeing the act, not when you have spent the past century hearing people's thoughts."

"Hardly."

"What is it that you would like to know, then?"

"Well, I'm a vampire, and we experience things differently than the way that humans do. Just kissing her is a greater pleasure than anything I ever imagined before we met. Only, how can I keep from killing her? I have come so close on so many occasions, and after what I've seen in Tanya's mind, and that Seattle predator's..." I shook my head, horrified.

He nodded and thought for a moment. When he spoke, it was with a doctor's detached calm. "I do not think I can describe it to you because it is not like anything else. Among our kind, even when there are no emotions involved, sex can be a very powerful thing. Add to that our rarely changing temperaments, and when we _do_ fall in love, the physical expression of that love is exponentially more powerful. You are right to be worried. What you are planning will be dangerous for her."

A low moan escaped me as - far too vividly - I recalled the Seattle predator's victims and was unable to stop myself from picturing Bella in their place. Running my fingers through my hair, I heard the panic in my voice as I whispered, "What was I thinking?! How could I have agreed to this?"

"I know how strong you are, and I am not talking about your ability to crush a rock into dust. I am talking about in here." He walked around to stand in front of me so that he could look me in the eye and place his hand on my chest, above my silent heart. "You keep thinking of how you have threatened Bella's life, but I know that you have _saved_ her life, time and again. You drank her blood to save her life! You are capable of kissing her and holding her without hurting her. I have seen how carefully you handle her - as if she were made of glass. I have never met a vampire with your strength, Edward, but Bella has a strength that matches yours. I have no doubt that she will prove your fears to be wrong."

I swallowed hard, hoping with all my might that he was right.

"But..." He hesitated.

"Go on."

"If... If you _are_ unable to control yourself... Well, I have seen vampire venom do many things. Surely you recall how close to death each of you were when I changed you?" The image of my family members was in his mind. Each of them had been near death when he'd bitten them, their bodies broken and mangled.

Seeing me shaking my head again, he pointed out, "You have already agreed to change her."

Staring at him in horror, I whispered, "Yes. But not like _that!"_

"Then it will be up to you to prevent such a fate. Do not allow yourself to become distracted by what you are feeling. Even after all these years, making love with Esme is - " he took a deep breath and held it for a moment before he was able to continue, " - overwhelming. If you want Bella to survive, then you will need to be focused on her the entire time."

I frowned. "I don't imagine I'll be thinking of anything _but_ her."

He shook his head. "That is not quite what I meant."

"What then?"

He looked away from me, pursing his lips in concentration. _...can I put this so that he will understand..._ "When you play your piano, do you concentrate on the individual sounds you are making? The different notes that you need in order to play the song that you have in mind, and exactly where each key can be found on the keyboard?"

Surprised at the direction he was going, I raised an eyebrow and spoke slowly. "Not exactly..."

"Then, do you have a song in mind, know the way that it should sound, and let your fingers do as you have trained them to do?"

I lifted a shoulder. "More or less."

He nodded. "Playing seems to be almost instinctual for you, but you often seem to get rather lost in the music."

"You could say that."

"And yet, no matter how swept up in your music you have ever become, you have never broken any instrument that you have played. But Bella is far more fragile than any piano."

I grimaced. "I'm well aware of _that."_

"I know. My point is, do not get lost in the music. You cannot let your instincts take over." His serious expression softened, and he smiled at me, his golden eyes warm and full of laughter. "You will need to be aware of every note, each key that you play, and exactly how firmly you press it when you are with her."

"Carlisle," I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I don't need euphemisms."

He laughed, delighted with his comparison.

"You are a hopeless romantic," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "It's a wonder Esme can even stand you."

He grinned at me for a moment before becoming serious again. "There is something else that you need to consider."

I waited in dread, unable to pick up anything other than the image of my face which he kept firmly in his mind as he studied me.

"It is possible that the very act of making love to her will initiate her change. I have theorized that the venom that flows in our mouths and through our veins may be the only type of fluid that our bodies are capable of producing."

"Oh, God, Carlisle," I whispered. I didn't need to see myself in his mind to know that my eyes were huge and my skin paler than normal. I shook my head slowly back and forth, trying desperately to deny that it was even a possibility. How could I be anything other than a demon when, no matter how carefully I conducted myself, making love to Bella would end her life?

"As I said, it is a theory only. Jasper can attest to the fact that vampire venom stings. Esme has never complained of a reaction to me, and nor have your sisters to your brothers. And I think that they would not be as willing partners if it caused them pain."

"I'm sure you're right about that," I agreed, somewhat relieved.

"However, I have tasted Esme's venom, and I felt no pain either, so it could be that it will only sting in an open wound. Which, however slight, there will be if Bella is, ah, untouched."

He paused, and I nodded slowly.

"I only mention it to say that no matter how she comes back from your honeymoon together, she _will_ come back. And if she comes back as a human, which I think is the more likely possibility, you need to be prepared to change her when she asks you to."

"Yes," I muttered. "I don't think I'll be able to delay her for much longer. She's so eager to become a soulless monster." Catching the look on his face, I shook my head, ashamed. "Sorry."

Losing his detached calm, his voice turned hard and angry. "For all that you have the enhanced eyesight of a vampire, Edward, my daughter-in-law-to-be sees you much more clearly than you have ever seen yourself."

I glared at him. "Deny that I am a killer."

"You were, once. You are no longer."

Uncomprehending, I stared at him in silence. How could he not see what I was? How could _she_ not?

"Edward," Carlisle said firmly, "if you were still a killer, Bella would not now be alive."

Grinding my teeth together, I stalked away from him. Yes, Bella was alive at that moment. But soon, I would kill her. One way or another, we would get married, and then my Bella would die. And I would be a killer, yet again. But not of any murderer, rapist, pedophile, or abuser. Not of any vampire, vindictive or otherwise.

No, this time, I would be the killer of my very own wife.


	4. Destinations

**Destinations**

"What exactly _are_ you looking for, then?"

"I don't know, Emmett. Someplace romantic."

"Niagara Falls?"

"Eh, that's not very special."

"Edward, Niagara Falls is, like, _the_ honeymoon destination!"

"I guess that's my point. I want to take her someplace exotic."

"Cabo San Lucas? Or what about Cancun?"

"Um, hello? Vampire wars? Armies of newborns? Is any of this ringing a bell?"

He snorted. "You worry too much. Humans vacation there all the time."

"Do you have any idea how many times since I've met her that her life has been threatened? I'm not going to take her someplace that would add to her danger."

He held his breath, puffed out his cheeks, and rolled his eyes before suggesting, "Paris?"

"Mmm... Humans might enjoy the fine dining in Paris, but the hunting options are severely limited for a vegetarian vampire."

"Rose didn't have any complaints when I took her there for one of ours."

"Rose mightn't have, but I clearly recall listening to you gripe about never taking her there again for a good two months after you got back."

"That had nothing to do with the hunting; that was 'cause of all the _shopping."_ _...we seriously have to visit_ every **single** _clothing store in the entire city?_

Smirking smugly, I was quite grateful that Bella didn't share either of my sisters' obsession with fashion. "Still, Bella isn't interested in such things, and I think saving a trip to France would be better for when she speaks French. I'll take her to Paris someday, but not this time."

"Okaaay... What about the Himalayas? There's lots of different types of big cats in the mountains. And I'll bet Bella would love a tour of the castles." _She's into antique things, right, old man?_

Ignoring his taunt, I shook my head. "You weren't there for Bella's first encounter with a European castle, but I think it's safe to say I will _not_ be taking her to one for our honeymoon. Besides, all of the Himalayan cats are endangered, and Bella doesn't like the cold."

"Australia? You want warm, it doesn't get much hotter... unless you'd like to take her on an African safari? And you can't tell me you don't wanna go hunting _those_ cats again!"

"Do you not remember how bright it was the last time we were there? I wouldn't be able to go anywhere with her."

"Yeah, but the _hunting!"_

"You expect her just to tag along while I run around catching cheetahs or kangaroos? I could have sworn I just mentioned that I didn't want to put her in yet more danger."

Emmett was sprawled across the couch, tossing a baseball into the air and catching it, while I sat on the floor of our living room, flipping through an atlas as I tried to pick a place to take Bella on our honeymoon. Hearing his stray thought, I reached out to catch the ball just as he launched it toward my head.

I snickered and threw it back to him. "Nice try, Emmett."

"Cheater," he muttered, rolling onto his side to stare at me through narrowed eyes. "So let me get this straight. You wanna take Bella to some secret city of romance that's warm, but not sunny, where you can hunt, while keeping her safe from _other_ hunters, including yourself, all without bringing up any bad memories. Is that about right?"

"If I knew an easy solution, I wouldn't be flipping through a world atlas, now, would I?"

"I think you're overthinking things." _Again._ "Rose was perfectly happy with you, Carlisle, and Esme leaving the house to us after our first wedding."

Smirking, I said, "Yes. And aside from the fact that we very nearly didn't have a house to come back home _to,_ you were a newborn vampire at the time, and not exactly capable of world travel."

"Ah," he sighed and stretched his arms out before linking his fingers behind his head and leaning back deliberately slowly. "Yeah, that was a great month."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Emmett, please! Do you _mind?!"_

"What?" Feigning innocence, he looked at me with wide eyes.

"She's my sister," I said through gritted teeth. "You're being obnoxious. I thought you said you wanted to help me."

"I _am_ helping. You just keep shooting all of my brilliant ideas down."

"Come up with one that's actually brilliant, and I won't!"

He snorted. "You want a brilliant idea? How 'bout you do us all a favor and just go ahead and get Bella's change out of the way. I dunno why you're bothering to wait; you know it's gonna happen. Besides, Esme's just itching to have another house to renovate."

"When we have a pack of werewolves waiting for just such an occurrence? Yes, that sounds like a brilliant plan, Emmett. Bravo. We have to move first."

"That's exactly my point, Eddie. Just change her right after the reception and stay here. They'll never know, and _we'll_ go on a vacation instead! Destroy the house all you like, and when we get back, we'll all leave."

 _"No._ Not yet. Not until I have to."

"Well, where does Bella want to go? Have you even asked her?"

"I have, actually. She said 'everywhere'." I laughed and rolled my eyes, remembering my early days with Bella and all of the questions I had thrown at her.

Esme came into the living room and stood behind the couch to watch us before leaning against the back with a smile.

 _Emmett's right._

"About what?"

"You're overthinking things."

Emmett's face broke into a wide grin. "That's what _I_ told him!"

"I know. And you're right."

"See? _I'm_ right." He breathed on his fingertips and pretended to polish them on his shirt with a smug expression on his face.

I let my breath out slowly in a long-suffering sigh.

"You're looking for someplace warm, romantic, and safe, yes?"

As she was deliberately not thinking of what she was about to suggest, I warily agreed, "Essentially..."

Esme glanced at Emmett and thought, _Carlisle told me of your plans for your honeymoon._

Of course he had. They didn't keep secrets, and I hadn't expected them not to discuss our plans. "So?"

 _So there is another consideration that you need to take into account. Not just someplace where Bella will be safe, but where the humans would be safe from_ her _should you accidentally end up changing her._

I ground my teeth together. I _had_ been thinking of that; I just hadn't wanted to tell Emmett so. "Will you get to the point, Esme? _Please?"_

Emmett groaned, "Aw, come on! No fair cutting me out! I was right, after all."

"Shh," she scolded him. _I can only think of one place that meets your needs, and how you haven't come up with it on your own, I don't know. But I suppose you do have a tendency to miss the obvious sometimes._

"Esme, really!" I glared at her.

 _Well, changing Bella into a vampire **is** an obvious solution to your problems. You're just too stubborn to admit it._

"I _thought_ we were discussing my _honeymoon?"_ I raised an eyebrow.

Her eyes were dancing with amusement at her ability to keep her idea a secret. _We are. And the solution to your dilemma is the same one that worked for me. An island. Specifically, mine._

I gasped and felt a grin overtake my face. How _had_ I missed that?

 _You're more than welcome to take Bella to Isle Esme, if you'd like._

In an instant, I was at her side so that I could plant a kiss on her cheek. "Thanks, Esme. It's the perfect solution."

"Huh? Wait, what's the solution? Edward! Hey, where're you gonna go?!" Emmett called after me as I laughed and zipped away to return the atlas I'd borrowed from Carlisle's office.

The island! Of course! I guessed that, in looking for someplace different, I had forgotten how exotic the place would seem to her. We had gone to Esme's island so many times over the decades that it felt like home, and not someplace unusual at all. But to Bella, it would seem magical, I was sure. It was certainly one of my favorite places in the world. And it was likely to become even more so after spending a few weeks there with my new wife.

I found Alice sitting at the computer, but instead of tapping away at one of her projects, or gliding her fingers along the touch screen designing clothes, she was facing the door as I opened it. Her lips were pursed and twisted to the side, her eyes were narrowed, and her arms and legs were crossed. I stopped in surprise at the ferocity of her glare.

"What?"

"Edward," she groaned. "You've just ruined a week's worth of planning!"

"In what way?"

"I'd _thought_ you were going to Alaska! I had an entire wardrobe picked out and ordered for Bella. It should be here any day! And now, all of it is useless on a tropical island!" She threw her hands into the air in disgust. "Useless!"

I grinned at her, holding back a laugh. "You should know how easily the future changes, especially as I hadn't decided yet. Look at the bright side, now you get to pick out a whole new wardrobe."

"Hmm, there is that."

I gave in to my laugh as I replaced the atlas on its shelf before motioning for her to move. "Scoot. I need the computer."

Alice sprang from the chair so that I could purchase the tickets for our flight to Rio de Janeiro. Since I was buying plane tickets already, I thought it a good time to get ones for Renée and Phil. I bought a pair without specific dates that would let them fly from Jacksonville to Seattle and back whenever they chose. Grabbing the printed receipts, I handed the papers to Alice. "Send these with the invitation, will you?"

"Sure thing."

"Alright, you can have the computer back now. Thanks." I grinned at my favorite sister and ruffled her short, spiky hair.

"Edward!" she protested.

I laughed and left the room.

A glance at my watch told me that Bella would be getting off work soon. She had held down the ridiculous job at Newton's Outfitters from shortly after I'd left her the previous year all through that winter and spring. She had stubbornly refused to accept my money to pay for her tuition into college, insisting that she was capable of supporting herself. While I liked that she was self-sufficient, I _wanted_ to share what I had with her. When she'd finally agreed to be my wife during her attempt to convince me to be intimate with her, she had told me that I could pay for her tuition and even buy her a new car.

Well aware that she would be unable to keep her job after she became a vampire, whether we moved or not, she had told the Newtons that she would not be able to work after graduation. They'd convinced her to stay for a few weeks into the summer to help with the start of their busy season, but today was her last day. _Finally!_ I was tired of listening to Mike's thoughts. Even after I'd told him of our engagement, the persistent boy had continued to seek out her company.

My phone rang as I walked toward my bedroom, and I was surprised to see the number for Newton's on my caller id.

"Bella?"

"I need you to come get me," she growled.

Surprised by the sound of her voice, I hesitated, wondering why she would be mad. The last time she had sounded so angry when calling me, Carlisle had been forced to put a brace on her broken hand. A human couldn't be expected to punch a werewolf in the face without consequences of some kind, but Jacob should have known better than to kiss Bella.

Of course, if _Newton_ had done something similar, he would be lucky if all I broke was his face.

"What happened?"

"You don't know?"

"Should I?"

"My truck broke down."

"Oh." I was almost disappointed. I'd have liked to have an excuse to break Mike's face. Ashamed of my moment of weakness, I recalled a similar wish for Jacob to be harmed, and the way I'd felt once he had been. Reminding myself that I was supposed to be a gentleman, not a savage, I pushed the thought away and focused on my conversation with Bella. "I'm sorry. Alice didn't tell me."

She sighed. "Just come get me, please?"

"I'll be right there," I assured her before I hung up and grinned. Her truck died! Racing to the garage, I grabbed a new set of keys that had hung by the door, waiting for just such an occasion.

Ignoring my silver Volvo, I walked over to one of two new additions in my family's garage. The one was in a far corner, hidden under a sheet, but the other, the one I was planning on driving, was gleaming under the bright lights in the very center of the large room. Sleek and black, the windows were tinted so dark that even I couldn't see the interior. It was aerodynamic, with the curves and lines of the car just screaming _speed_ , and I had been itching to take it out ever since parking it in its current place of honor.

However, it wasn't just for the beauty of the vehicle that I had obtained it. Yes, the ride was smooth and the quality of the craftsmanship without equal. Yes, it was fast and the engine's growl sounded rather like my own: fierce, protective, and powerful. The car model's name was, quite appropriately, _Guardian_. It was a Mercedes, like my father's car, only _this_ car was built to protect its occupants and was advertised as capable of withstanding a tank driving over it.

"Four thousand pounds of body armor, Edward! I bet even a vampire couldn't hurt Bella in this baby." Emmett had been chortling when he'd shown me videos of humans aiming missiles and flamethrowers at their demonstration car. It had survived everything they'd thrown at it without a scratch, dent, nick, or even a cracked window. _That_ was why I had convinced the manufacturers to allow me to borrow the vehicle. It had taken quite a bit of financial wrangling before they'd agreed. The car wasn't even available in Europe yet.

Bella's safety was priceless to me, and no amount of money would be too much to keep her safe. Though she'd never had an accident, she _had_ been the target of multiple vampire attacks, and the other idiots on the road couldn't be trusted. If this car could play any part in protecting her from future threats, then it was worth every penny. Not that I thought it likely for yet another vampire to threaten her, but my Bella drew every possible danger toward herself. It was far better to be safe than sorry.

Emmett had begged me to let him test his strength on the car, but, though I'd been tempted to let him, just to make _sure_ , I hadn't wanted him to mess her new car up before she even had a chance to see it. I slid behind the wheel and paused to listen to the car's purr after I started the engine. Unable to stop my grin, I took off down our winding three-mile long driveway toward the main highway that led into town.

The rusted, red Chevy was parked on the side of the road about a mile away from the camping supply store from which Bella had called me. I stopped beside it and took a few breaths, smelling her scent along the road where she'd had to _walk_ back to her job.

Grateful that she'd made it back unscathed, I sped to Newton's to pick her up. Even knowing that she had called me from the store and was surely safe, I couldn't help feeling relief when I saw her waiting beside the front door.

"What is _that?"_ she asked as I climbed out.

A crooked grin spread across my face as I said, "Your new ride."

Glaring at me in silence, she ignored the keys when I held them out to her.

"You _did_ say I could buy you a new car when the truck died."

"Well, yes, but..." She narrowed her eyes. "My truck just stopped working not even an hour ago. When, exactly, did you buy this one?"

"I didn't, exactly."

"Huh?"

"It's a loaner. _This_ is just the before car." I tried hard to control my smug expression, but I knew my eyes were shining with delight.

"Before." Her voice was flat, not quite angry, but I didn't think she caught the connotations.

Pulling her into my arms, I said, "The after car is a surprise, but I did buy that one. Emmett and I brought them home last week. He and Rose helped me pick them out."

She stared at me with her mouth hanging open. "You bought me _two_ cars? I did not agree to that! _Edward!_ What were you thinking?"

Giving in to my laughter, I reminded her, "I only _bought_ one, and you said I could do that. This one will be returned after the wedding, when you no longer need it."

She contemplated me without speaking while I tried to read her emotions. Her silent mind was so frustrating!

"You did agree," I insisted.

"It's just awfully _convenient_ that, what? A week after you get me not one, but _two_ new cars, my truck should just _happen_ to die."

Finally realizing what her anger meant, I watched her for a moment before demanding, "You don't think that I had anything to do with it, do you?"

She raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't be the first time you broke my truck."

I felt my face turn sad. "I didn't break your truck before, Bella. I merely removed a part so that it wouldn't work temporarily, and then I put it back together. And I had nothing to do with _this._ Your truck was old. It was bound to die a natural death sooner or later." I shrugged and gave her a half-smile, trying to look innocent.

"You promise you didn't break my truck?"

Brushing my fingers along her cheek, I nodded. "I swear on my love for you. I had nothing to do with it."

Her cheeks flushed with blood from her easy blush as the anger faded from her eyes, and she whispered, "Well, okay. I guess I believe you, then."

My grin returned. "I'll call a tow truck. In the meantime..." I tugged her over to the waiting car. "You might want to familiarize yourself with the controls."

Bella groaned, but allowed me to pull her to her new car.

"Where do you want them to take it?" I asked as I dialed.

"Um, my house?"

After giving the tow truck driver directions for where to meet us, I slid into the passenger seat beside Bella while she gaped at the dash. Finding the ignition and inserting the key, she jumped as the car roared to life.

Doing my best to refrain from laughing at her expression, I cautioned, "This isn't your truck, Bella."

"I know," she whimpered.

"You only need a little gas. Speaking of which." I removed a card from my wallet and held it out to her. "What's mine is yours, remember?"

Taking the card, she turned it over in her hands, examining it, and noting her name on the bottom. "What's this for?"

"Gas money. Or whatever else you might desire." I shrugged and gave in to my satisfied smile. "I've already taken the liberty of adding your name to my bank account. _Our_ bank account."

She rolled her eyes and sighed, but tucked the card into her pocket before shifting the car into gear and stomping on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward and then screeched to a halt as she slammed on the breaks. I tried to keep my expression blank and stared out the windshield while she glared at me. After a few more false starts, she eased the car onto the road and headed for her broken down truck.

Charlie came home to find me under the hood of the old Chevy with a morose Bella watching from the porch steps. After climbing out of his police cruiser, he eyed the new car and let out a long, low whistle of appreciation.

"That's not your dad's Mercedes, is it, Edward?"

I peered at him from around the hood. His eyes were wide and his mouth hanging open as he stared at the beautiful new car. Unable to stop my laugh, I said, "No."

Bella dropped her head into her hands with a groan.

"You trade in your Volvo?"

Snickering again, I repeated, "No."

"Then who – ?" He looked up to see me watching him with a smirk, and I nodded toward his daughter. _"Bella?"_

I ducked back under the hood to release the latch that had kept it propped up, enjoying the finality in the loud _thunk_ as it shut. Shaking my head, I feigned an expression of regret. "This old truck has seen its last mile, I'm afraid. I knew it had to happen soon, though I'd expected to surprise her with her new car _after_ the wedding. But I can't expect her to walk everywhere until then, so..." I shrugged.

Charlie's mind was full of an image of himself behind the wheel, and I had to bite back my laugh. There were many ways that Bella resembled her father, but neither his love of sports, nor – apparently – his appreciation for a beautiful vehicle, was one of them.

 _...know their family has money, but... need to buy her love... already getting married..._

"Anyway," I explained, trying to ease his suspicions, "I didn't buy it. If she finds something she likes better, we can trade it in later, though I doubt you can find a safer car."

"Oh, you got a lease?"

"Something like that, yes."

"You know, you need to be careful with those kinds of contracts. There's usually a hefty fee of some kind due by the end."

"Don't worry, Charlie," I said calmly. "The terms were very clear. And quite reasonable, considering everything the car has to offer."

"Hmph. Well, Bells." He cleared his throat and tore his eyes from the car to glare at his daughter. "You be careful driving this around the mountain curves, 'kay? We don't need another - " He broke off, the images of Jacob's broken body and of Bella wrapped in casts were clear in his mind.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I don't drive very fast, Dad, no matter _what_ kind of car I'm in." She shot me a ferocious glare, and I knew that the last part of the sentence was aimed directly at me.

I smiled and tried not to look guilty. Bella might not enjoy driving fast, or riding with me when I did, but I loved the feeling of flying at dangerously - for a human - high speeds down the road. Not that any of the cars that we owned could match the speed at which I could run, but driving fast was a completely different feeling than running. I hoped that when she was a vampire, she would lose her aversion to speed.

Watching her grimace at the car, I was distracted by the image of the two of us running together. No longer clinging to my back, my beloved Bella would soon be racing beside me. I would be able to look at her while we ran, to see her beautiful face smiling at me with her hair flying behind her, to see her eyes, wild and red...

After Bella fell asleep that night, I decided I needed to talk to my sister. When I'd opened the hood to see what might have broken after the tow truck had dropped the old Chevy off, I'd been surprised at what I'd found. Not that I had _really_ wanted to fix it, but I knew how happy it would have made Bella if I could have. There had been no evidence of tampering, and I could see nothing obvious to suggest that the truck had been killed, but there had been a definite whiff of Rosalie's distinctive spicy scent.

Finding my siblings engaged in a race of their own when I entered the living room, I couldn't help but to roll my eyes and laugh. Emmett was winning by a very narrow margin, his tongue just sticking out of the side of his mouth while he maneuvered his car toward nearly every power-up.

I sank onto the recliner to watch their game. With the threat of the army gone and Victoria dead, there was no longer a need for my family's constant vigilance, and they were enjoying a much needed evening indulging in an activity uniquely even between all four of them.

Jasper's military training helped him strategize the best route around the many layered race track. Alice's ability to see the future was severely hampered by the fact that the game's parameters were random, the course, the obstacles, and the bonuses changing at odd intervals, causing the decisions of our siblings to change at every turn. She was playing on skill alone, and was only seconds behind her mate.

Rosalie kept trying to nudge her car around Jasper's while Emmett used his power-ups to throw grenades at his car, or to freeze it in place, or send him skidding off to the side with a deluge of glass marbles released from his trunk, or any of the hundred other options that the game offered. A few minutes after I sat down, Emmett's car shot across the finish line, followed closely by Rosalie and Alice's, with Jasper limping along in last place.

"Yes!" Emmett shouted, standing from the couch. "That gets me a new car." He clicked through the victory lap, eager to see what his win had given him.

Rose smirked at Jasper, who was growling playfully at our brother. "Can't win them all, Jazz," she taunted.

"You're one to talk, Mrs. Second Place."

She shrugged, unruffled. "I beat _you._ That's what matters."

He grabbed Alice's hand and stood from the couch. "C'mon, hun. The only thing worse than a sore loser is a sore winner."

"Aw, come on!" Emmett protested. "I want to try out my new car!"

Alice tossed her controller to me. "Edward can take our place."

Rose snorted. "He hasn't raced in _ages._ We'll beat him easily."

"Maybe we should change the difficulty, then, eh Rose? Drop it back to beginner level?"

"Hah! You'd better not," I said as logged on to my saved game. "While you've been in here playing games, I've been driving real cars. The _Guardian_ is brilliant."

"Oh, you finally gave Bella her new car, then?" Emmett asked, as his car shot off from the starting line ahead of both mine and Rose's. Rosalie was concentrating firmly on the game, her mind not giving anything away.

"Uh-huh."

"'Bout time! If you'd waited any longer, I was gonna take it for a spin myself."

I delayed saying anything more while we raced. Emmett won the first, and Rose got in a lucky shot at the end of the second race, sending his car down a ravine just before she crossed the finish line, followed closely by me. Emmett won again on the third and the fourth before his ribbing gave me a way to bring up the real reason I'd returned home that night.

"You can't tell me that watching someone _sleep_ is worth losing over and over. You're seriously outta practice, little bro."

"Hmm. Well, maybe I'll just have Rose tamper with your controller then. Leave you stranded on the track a mile in."

He snorted. "She'd be more likely to upgrade mine or break yours, instead."

"You're right, I'm sure." I stared at her evenly, but Rose studiously ignored me, examining her nails while Emmett picked out the next track he wanted to race. I crossed my arms and waited.

"Hey, aren't you two even playing?" he complained when he saw that neither of us were holding our controllers anymore.

We didn't answer him as I stared at her and she ignored me.

"What?" he asked, looking back and forth between us.

"How did you do it, Rose?" I demanded, trying hard to keep my tone polite.

"Do what? What happened?" Emmett examined the controller in his hands, afraid that she _had_ actually tampered with the controllers.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she denied, meeting my eyes.

"Did you think I wouldn't notice your scent under the hood?"

"You messed with the _Guardian?!"_ Emmett exclaimed, his mouth opening in shock.

"Bella's truck broke down! She was stranded on the side of the road and had to _walk_ back to town!"

Rose rolled her eyes. _Oh no, the poor little human had to use her legs..._

"That's not what I mean, Rose," I snapped. "She could have gotten hit by a car, or attacked by an animal, or what if another vampire had come along and - "

Rose snorted. "With the constant watch Alice keeps on her? She was perfectly safe."

"Deny that you killed her truck."

She tossed her hair over her shoulders. "You should be thanking me, you know."

 _"Thanking you?!"_

"Yes. The whole reason you got her the _Guardian_ was to keep her safe while she drove. The Chevy was hardly capable of doing that. Despite the fact that it was nearly as old as _you_ it didn't look like it was going to die in time for her to use the _Guardian_ at all. I just rigged it so that it would stop going so that you could finally give the car to her." She shrugged.

I watched her for a minute, trying to figure out her real motives.

Rosalie sighed and stood. "You really are an idiot. But despite that, you're my brother, and the last thing any of us want is a repeat of what happened in April." _...keeping Bella safe keeps you safe. Why do you think we let you sit out of the fight?_ She shot me a glare and turned to stalk out of the room.

"Rose," I stopped her.

She looked at me warily and crossed her arms.

"Thanks."

She sniffed and left the room. My family really was the best. Rosalie may have been difficult at the best of times, but I knew that she loved me as I did her, even if the way that she showed it was a little unconventional.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was still very early and decided to spend a little time with my brother before slipping back into Bella's embrace. With every intention of winning this time, I picked up the controller and gestured toward him. "Care for a rematch?"

"You're on!"

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I just wanted to say a quick thanks to nickaroos for her insights into Rosalie's character that helped me in this chapter and throughout the story.


	5. Lessons

**Lessons**

As the summer progressed, Bella and I began to spend most evenings with my family. On this night, everyone else was watching Emmett and Jasper's game of eight-board chess while Bella watched a stack of invitations growing as Alice moved them from the blank pile to the addressed pile. Bella had offered to help, but Alice had shooed her away. Her eyes were getting larger with each addition Alice made to the pile.

"Alice," Bella started. "I don't even _know_ that many people. Who are you inviting?"

"Oh, just friends and family," she answered breezily.

"Okay. So, Charlie gets one and Renée gets another. That makes two. I'm counting... a lot more than two."

"I said 'friends' too."

"Alright... Angela, Ben, Jessica, Mike." She ticked each name off on her fingers. "That makes four more."

"You aren't the only one getting married, you know."

Bella blinked at her. Though her teeth were clenched, she seemed to be trying to maintain a reasonable tone when she spoke. "Alice, I specifically told you that I had veto power over the guest list. You're not inviting your vampire friends, are you?"

Alice snorted. "Of course not!"

 _"Who_ are you inviting?"

Alice's tiny, razor-sharp teeth pressed into her lower lip while she avoided Bella's eyes. Hearing the thought in Alice's mind, I laughed and answered for her. "Oh, just half the town of Forks!"

 _"What?!"_

"Bella." Alice folded her hands under her chin and stared at Bella with wide eyes. "Trust me, please?"

"Oh, that is so unfair," she muttered, crossing her arms and looking away from my sister.

"You only have to do this once, so I want to make sure you do it right. You'll thank me for this one day."

Bella huffed.

Emmett leaned toward her conspiratorially and whispered loudly, "You know, you're lucky, Bella. Rose makes me get married every time we move."

Moving one of his queens across several boards, Jasper said, "Don't try to pretend that you don't enjoy it as much as she does, Emmett."

"I do not!"

"No, I think he's right. He doesn't enjoy it as much as Rose; he likes it _more,"_ I said with a chuckle.

Rose arched an eyebrow. "And why shouldn't he enjoy being married to me?"

"We're not talking about _being_ married to you. We're talking about _getting_ married to you."

"Well, the best part about marrying you ain't the weddin', babe." He kissed her hand before wiggling his eyebrows at me. _It's what comes after! Too bad for you, Eddie._

"Emmett!" I protested under my breath. Against my skin, Bella's temperature rose with the heat from her blush, able to see through Emmett as clearly as she saw through me.

Jasper pretended to turn his laugh into a cough when I glared at him, too.

Alice ignored us. "Besides, you wouldn't want to leave your new family out of it, would you?"

Looking back at Alice in confusion, Bella asked, "You're sending invitations to yourselves?"

"Don't be silly."

"I know you can't mean any of your human relatives."

"Still being silly," Alice sang.

"Alice!"

"The Denali's are our cousins. It's only right that they should be invited."

I decided that I rather enjoying the thought of Tanya seeing me getting married.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Bella asked, hesitantly.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Alice asked as she finished with another envelope.

"Well... They didn't make a secret of the fact that they hold a grudge against the wolves."

"Carmen called us a few days after the fight," Carlisle told her. "She said they all feel terrible for abandoning us when we needed them, and offered apologies for the entire coven."

Esme sniffed indignantly. "Well, except for Irina."

Carlisle conceded that fact with a nod. "Still, none of them wanted us harmed, and they were all, including Irina, extremely relieved when they heard that we had survived unscathed."

Bella frowned. "Not entirely unscathed."

"Jacob Black is almost back to normal, Bella," Carlisle assured her. "Except for a couple of his larger bones, which are still knitting, he is perfectly healthy."

"And will he stay that way if the Denali's come here?" she demanded.

"The wolves will be fine," I assured her. "Our cousins would never put us in danger by attacking the Quileutes."

"No," Jasper said as he took Emmett's last knight from the board. "They'd just let an army attack us instead. They may have mourned our passing if any of us had been killed, but they are no strangers to family loss, and vengeance is a very strong vampire trait."

Her brow furrowed in confusion, and Bella cocked her head at my father. "Laurent wasn't really a part of their family, though, was he?"

"Well, no. Despite the way Irina felt about him, if they had truly been mates, he would not have returned to Victoria."

"I don't think Irina really believes that he had, though," Emmett said as he attempted to corner Jasper's king. "That woman is almost as stubborn as you, Rose."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "All three of them are."

I laughed. "You have no idea."

"Good thing for Bella that Edward is even more stubborn still. Or bad, depending on how you look at it."

I shot her a stern look.

Rose arched an eyebrow at me and taunted, _Deny it_. _Or would you like me to tell everyone about the times I found you hiding in their attic to avoid joining them on their... **hunts?**_

Thankfully, I was saved from answering her when Esme unknowingly came to my rescue. "It's not really their fault. They've been leaderless for a very long time."

"Wait, I thought you said it was Tanya's coven? Isn't she their leader?"

"She is _now,"_ Carlisle said. "But she is not their creator. Carmen and Eleazar joined them in the same way that Alice and Jasper have joined us _._ But Kate, Irina, and Tanya were all created by the same vampire. She was their mother, just as I am the father of _our_ family."

"Who was she?"

I held back my irritation at Bella's constant curiosity regarding our way of life. She was to be one of us soon, and the Denali's would be her cousins, too. Their tale was one that she _should_ know.

"I do not know Tanya's mother's name," Carlisle answered her.

Bella blinked her eyes several times, apparently surprised by that admission. "But... wouldn't Edward have heard…" She turned to me in confusion.

"I can only hear their thoughts as they pass through their minds, Bella," I reminded her.

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "They never speak of her if they can avoid it, never think of her willingly."

"What happened to her?"

"The Volturi killed her."

She clutched my hand tighter and shuddered.

Carlisle studied my Bella for a moment before elaborating. "The woman who created Tanya, Kate, and Irina - who loved them, I believe - lived many years before I was born, during a time of plague in our world, the plague of the immortal children." He leaned back in his seat and rubbed his thumb across his lips. In his mind were images from his time with the Volturi, and I had to hold back my own shudder. I'd seen the memories before, but they never failed to horrify me.

"What they were thinking, those ancient ones, I can't begin to understand. They created vampires out of humans who were barely more than infants."

Bella's lips curled, her forehead creased, and she swallowed hard. I was sure my own face held a similar look of disgust. Not at the children themselves, for I had seen their beauty in Carlisle's mind, but at what they represented. Creating a vampire was not an easy feat for most of our kind, and there were often many failures prior to each success. It sickened me to think of how many children must have been killed by those women as they attempted to create even one immortal child of their own.

Knowing how much Esme and Rose longed for children of their own, I could - almost - understand the draw they must have had. Esme was not the only mother whom I had known who had lost a child. Seeing into humans' minds over the years had often been unpleasant, and I had witnessed more than my fair share of humans grieving. To have a child that could never die... Many women would have given much for such a thing, but the children they envisioned were nothing like the monsters the ancient vampires had created.

Seeing Bella's look of disgust, Carlisle tried to explain why so many of them had been created. "They were very beautiful. So endearing, so enchanting, you cannot imagine. You had but to be near them to love them; it was an automatic thing. However, they could not be taught. They were frozen at whatever level of development they had achieved before being bitten. Adorable two-year olds with dimples and lisps that could destroy half a village in one of their tantrums. If they hungered, they fed, and no words of warning could restrain them. Humans saw them, stories circulated, fear spread like fire in dry brush..."

Aware of an ache from both my mother and my sister as Carlisle told Bella of the children, Jasper began using his talent to smooth some of the sharper edges off of their grief. While he may have been able to soothe their grief, he couldn't erase the reasons behind it. I saw Esme remembering her own long-dead infant while Rosalie remembered the child of her human best friend. Briefly, I wondered - if it hadn't been illegal - whether or not Rose would have found a way to change a child for herself.

She caught me staring at her, lifted a shoulder, and shook her head slightly, before looking away from me to watch Carlisle tell his story. _Stay out of my head!_

"Tanya's mother created such a child. As with the other ancients, I cannot fathom her reasons." Carlisle hesitated as he recalled the burning bodies of small children. He inhaled deeply, trying to dispel the image from his mind. "The Volturi became involved, of course."

Bella flinched beside me, and I put my arm around her, as though I could protect her from the images that I was sure Carlisle's words were conjuring in her mind.

"The Volturi studied the immortal children, at home in Volterra and all around the world. Caius decided the young ones were incapable of protecting our secret. And so they had to be destroyed.

"I told you they were lovable. Well, covens fought to the last man - were utterly decimated - to protect them. The carnage was not as widespread as the southern wars on this continent, but much more devastating in its own way. Long-established covens, old traditions, friends... Much was lost. In the end, the practice was completely eliminated. The immortal children became unmentionable, a taboo.

"When I lived with the Volturi, I met two immortal children, so I know firsthand the appeal they had. Aro studied the little ones for many years after the catastrophe they had caused was over. You know his inquisitive disposition; he was hopeful that they could be tamed. But in the end, the decision was unanimous: the immortal children could not be allowed to exist.

"It is unclear precisely what happened with Tanya's mother. Tanya, Kate, and Irina were entirely oblivious until the day the Volturi came for them, their mother and her illegal creation already their prisoners. It was ignorance that saved Tanya's and her sister's lives. Aro touched them and saw their total innocence, so they were not punished with their mother.

"None of them had ever seen the boy before, or dreamed of his existence, until the day they watched him burn in his mother's arms. I can only guess that their mother had kept her secret to protect them from this exact outcome. But why had she created him in the first place? Who was he, and what had he meant to her that would cause her to cross this most uncrossable of lines? Tanya and the others never received an answer to any of these questions. But they could not doubt their mother's guilt, and I do not think theyhave ever truly forgiven her."

 _…as my son has never truly forgiven me…_

Carlisle glanced at me and a rapid flow of images of me ran through his mind. I saw us having a century's worth of debates and arguments that had all essentially meant the same thing: I was a soulless monster, and Carlisle my creator. I hadn't blamed him; he had blamed himself. I had enough experience with my own loneliness to understood why he had created me, but I had never been happy about it.

Not until I had met Bella, that is. With her as my wife, I would finally have something that was worth an eternity of suffering. Indeed, with her as my wife, I might not even _spend_ my eternity suffering. Forever in Bella's arms sounded blissful, if I could just keep her from killing. And, if I could just keep from killing _her_ on our wedding night.

My discontent wasn't Carlisle's fault. What child could blame their parent for desiring offspring? Even if Carlisle's desire had not been for a child so much as for a companion when he'd created me, I'd always known and understood his reasons, but that didn't mean I felt any differently about the fate he'd thrust upon me. I _hated_ being a vampire, and I hated that Bella was so eager to become one. I couldn't deny her any longer, though. When next she asked me to, I would bite her, and pray to whatever God was willing to listen that she didn't end up hating me for it.

Swallowing hard, I looked away from Carlisle's eyes.

He looked back at Bella and resumed his story. "Even with Aro's perfect assurance that Tanya, Kate, and Irina were innocent, Caius wanted them to burn. Guilty by association. They were lucky that Aro felt like being merciful that day. Tanya and her sisters were pardoned, but left with unhealing hearts and a very healthy respect for the law."

"Yes, they respect the law, as does every vampire, if they don't want to burn. But those who make _and_ enforce the laws can change and manipulate them to suit their purposes. You don't really think that he let them go out of the kindness of his cold heart, do you, Carlisle?" I all but snarled.

He looked back at me, his eyes showing shock at my vehemence. "The Volturi may not hold much in this world to be sacred, but they do believe strongly in the law. Above all, they respect the law."

"Of course they do. It's what gives them their power. Without the law, they are just another coven, more dangerous than most due to their size."

"Size often works to a disadvantage among covens, Edward. You know how territorial our species is. Even within the boundaries of a coven's hunting grounds, there can be disputes between coven members."

"Yes, you've told me so before. It's why most covens are two." I took a deep breath, preparing to argue with him further, but Bella interrupted me.

"I don't understand," Bella said. The line of confusion was deep between her brows and her eyes were bewildered when they met mine. "There are seven of you, and Tanya's coven has five members. You don't fight each other."

"Hah! One day you'll have to watch Eddie, Jazz, and me really go at it." Emmett grinned at Bella, showing all of his teeth.

"Tsk. How often have you told me that wrestling is different from actually fighting, Emmett?" Esme raised her eyebrows at him. "You aren't really trying to kill your brothers, no matter how it looks."

"Well…" He narrowed his eyes at Jasper. "Maybe not _kill."_ _…a little dismembering never killed anyone!_

"We are different because of our diet, Bella," Jasper said as he knocked over Emmett's king.

"Aw, Hell!"

Jasper grinned in triumph and lounged back in his chair. "Animal blood is different than a human's. Less potent."

"I've told her that," I muttered.

"Have you?" He lifted an eyebrow skeptically. "Then why doesn't she understand? You may have told her it was different, but I doubt you actually explained how."

"I didn't really feel it was necessary at the time to be going into details."

"You're getting married in a month. Times have changed. Don't you think she needs to know what she's getting herself into?"

"I know. I've made my choice." Bella's voice was alarmed, her fingers tightening around mine as though she was afraid her chosen future would be taken away from her again, as I had tried to do before.

"But is it a fully informed decision?"

"Jasper," Carlisle's low voice chided him.

"I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, Bella." He nodded toward me. "I've been trying to talk _him_ into changing you since you got back from Italy. We all have."

Rose hissed softly.

"Okay, not _all_ of us, but I know my brother as well as we all do, and he has always had a tendency to be… overprotective."

I considered reminding him of the numerous times that very tendency had saved him from sporting red eyes yet again, but Bella smiled slightly and pressed herself closer to me.

"When I'm one of you, then we can protect each other," she whispered.

I kissed her hair. "You already do."

"And then there will be eight of us," Jasper stressed. "There isn't another coven in the world as large as ours, and I'm not sure there has ever been."

"But there were twenty of those newborns, weren't there?"

"There's a difference, Bella." Alice looked up from the invitation she was addressing. "That was an army, not a coven. They weren't created to live together; they were created to kill and be killed. Their numbers changed just in the few days I was actually able to see them. They killed each other and had to be replaced constantly."

Jasper nodded. "That's typical behavior in a newborn. They're wild, ferocious, impulsive. It's what makes them so deadly as weapons, but not so good for living companions. The army wasn't a coven; they were just pawns. The coven was Victoria and Riley at most, although it could be argued that he was just her pawn, too."

While Jasper spoke, I watched Bella's face closely. I expected to smell adrenaline, or to see her face pale, as she had before when confronted with the reality of what she was facing. Though her heart rate increased slightly, and a muscle along her jaw tightened, she showed no signs that she feared her future.

In response to Jasper's statement, I nodded. "She had no plans to keep him."

"So, a coven of one."

"But the - " Bella swallowed and seemed to have to force herself to say her next words, "Volturi have more than two, and their guards weren't newborns. Aren't they the largest coven?"

"There are five members of the Volturi coven," Carlisle explained. "Aro and his mate, Caius and his mate, and Marcus, whose mate died long ago. The rest are more like employees, and are free to come and go as they please."

I snorted.

 _Eleazar left them, if you recall._ "Nor did he try to prevent me from leaving."

"You were a guest, not a member of the guard."

"There must have been others. Do you believe no one would notice if the only way a vampire left their service was in ashes?"

"No doubt Aro had some ulterior motive or else I don't think anyone would have been able to leave. Aro would have seen to it that they didn't _want_ to."

Cocking an eyebrow, he said, "He let you go too."

I shook my head. "It wasn't by choice."

"No! It was in accordance with his laws. The very laws which you claim he does not follow."

"Oh, he follows them alright. I'm only saying that they change them to suit their purposes. It suited them to let us leave. I guarantee you he will try to find a way to bring us back later. He wants us to be members of his guard. Alice, especially."

"That may be, but it is still a voluntary position that many seek out. And once accepted as a member of the guard, few vampires choose to leave it. The position is considered prestigious, and they enjoy the privileges that come with living within the castle."

"So they are in a cage of their own making, reinforced by the talents he surrounds himself with. That doesn't make the castle any less of a prison for those who cannot escape from it."

"Why would anyone _want_ to live there?" Bella muttered. Glancing back at her face, I saw her lips curled in disgust and wondered if she was remembering Gianna, the human woman who served the Volturi, and watching the humans filing into the room which served as the bloodthirsty coven's dining room.

Carlisle pictured the only other coven Bella had met. "Do you recall how dirty James's coven was?"

Bella nodded.

"They were nomads, homeless scavengers, and they lived more like the animals that we hunt than like the humans they once were. It is very rare for a vampire to have a home of their own _._ Some of our more sedentary friends have been known to use their victims' homes for a few days or even weeks at a time, but it is not really _theirs._ The Volturi's castle is unique in the vampire world in that it is a permanent settlement which they have occupied for thousands of years. Even our family doesn't have that. We move every few years, but we are migratory, not nomadic.

"We are different because we hunt animals, Bella, but it is more than just a difference in what we eat; it is a difference in our way of life, and our large family size reflects that."

Carlisle met my eyes, and I felt my jaw clench, but I allowed him to continue. I wouldn't let Bella make my mistakes. "Human blood is addictive. And, like a drug, it changes the one who drinks it. I do not think you will have had much experience with addicts."

He paused, and she shook her head slowly.

"Humans fight over their territory, too. The right to buy and sell in a given city is heavily defended, and those who use them will kill to obtain their drug of choice. The same is true for our kind. But since we," he gestured around the room, "do not drink human blood, that drive is not there. Or, not the same, at any rate."

Emmett snickered. "Yeah, it's not the same, but you won't catch _me_ trying to take your first lion from you!"

Bella blushed and looked away from him with a soft laugh. "So," she began hesitantly, _"because_ you are vegetarians, you get along? Live, more peacefully? More human, I mean?"

Esme laughed. "There is nothing peaceful about living in a house full of teenagers!"

Emmett tossed a couch cushion at her. "I'm twenty!"

"And you're the biggest kid of them all, Emmett." She grinned at him and threw the cushion back.

Carlisle shot my brother a stern look. "In answer to your question, Bella, yes."

"Then how do the Volturi manage it? They don't kill each other."

"We're back to the power issue," I answered. "The laws keep them in control, and enforcing those laws extends their territory to cover the entire world. They bring humans in from every country, and no one dares to challenge them. Power is a drug that is as addictive as any other, and more than most. And anything that challenges their power must be destroyed."

"Within the framework of their laws," Carlisle insisted.

"And if it doesn't fit, they'll make it fit. They'll change the laws to suit themselves."

"You are prejudiced because of what you experienced."

"And you're biased because of what _you_ did! I'm telling you, Carlisle, the Volturi are a plague on the vampire community just as much as the immortal children ever were."

"Do you know what this world would be like without them? The southern wars would not be limited to the south, for one thing."

Jasper nodded. "Until I left Maria's army, I had believed the wars covered the globe. You don't want to live in a world where that is true. Trust me."

Stubbornly, I insisted, "A necessary evil, then. But don't kid yourselves that they are anything else."


	6. Runaway

**Runaway**

Alice and Esme kept themselves busy making plans, and the house phone was often unavailable since my mother was on it so much talking to Bella's. It was really too bad that we were not a normal couple. From what I had seen of human relationships, the parents of the bride rarely got along with those of the groom. There were no problems like that on our end, but then, it was hard not to love my adopted mother, and Renée's childlike innocence was endearing to all of us.

Our house had never been as full of smiles and laughter as it was over that summer. Or perhaps it had been, but my discontent had hid the others' joy from me. Then again, maybe I was simply projecting my own jubilation onto my family. Of course, it could have been that they were happy _because_ I was happy, and no longer acting like the grumpy old man. Whatever it was, I was as grateful to see my family's smiling faces and to hear their musical laughter as they were for mine.

The only one who wasn't happy now was Charlie. He felt betrayed that Renée was so enthusiastic about the coming wedding and spent the entire summer sulking and muttering about the lack of people he could trust.

Well, there were a _few_ other people who were less than happy about our engagement.

The only part of the ceremony Alice allowed me to assist her with planning was the music. Since I couldn't very well play for my own wedding, I had asked Rosalie if she would do the honor. She had agreed, and even volunteered to assist me with choosing a band to play during the reception. She and I were in Carlisle's office, using his computer to play videos of several local bands. We were debating their various merits when his angry thoughts distracted me.

Carlisle's eyes were worried and his mouth tight when he opened the door. Seeing the expression on his face, but not the reason for it in his mind, I tried to tease it out of him.

"You're going to make yourself grey at an early age if you keep worrying like that, Carlisle. What has you so upset?"

He sighed, laying his medical bag on his desk. "I will not be going back to the reservation."

"Don't tell me they banned you from coming back after everything you've done. Jacob Black owes his recovery to you. He'd have been crippled for the rest of his life if you hadn't set his bones!"

"No, Edward. None of the wolves said anything to me. The few times that I have seen Sam Uley, he has been polite and welcoming." An image of a familiar man in a wheelchair flashed through his mind, and I eyed him warily.

 _"Billy_ said something to you?" If anyone should be grateful to Carlisle, it was Jacob's father!

"No, no. Not exactly. He was rather upset, but understandably so under the circumstances."

"What happened?"

"Did you really think it wise to send Jacob an invitation to your wedding?"

Surprised at the anger in his tone, I stared at him for a long minute before answering. "If she had chosen him over me, I would have wanted the option to attend _their_ wedding, so long as she was willing to have me there. And I know that Bella would like him back in her life."

"Some things are not meant to be, son. Bella made her choice when she agreed to marry you. She knows that being a part of our life means Jacob will no longer be a part of hers."

 _...good riddance..._ I glanced at Rosalie, but she was studying the monitor and avoided my eyes.

"Well, what could Jacob have said? If he doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to."

"Jacob was not home."

I rolled my eyes. "Then what did _Billy_ say?"

"That Jacob had left."

Rubbing my forehead in frustration, I muttered my father's name.

"Jacob is gone. As in, he ran away. He turned wolf after receiving the invitation and has refused to change back, and the rest of his pack cannot get him to come home. Billy said he refuses to acknowledge them and has not stopped running since he left yesterday."

"Oh." I was surprised to find that I actually felt bad for the mutt. "Well, if he was able to phase and is still running after a whole day, I'd say he is fully healed and there was no reason for you to keep going over there, anyway."

He frowned at me. "Seventy years ago, the treaty we made with the pack did little more than keep us from killing each other. I was hoping that this time, we might actually have been able to set aside our differences and become friends."

Rosalie made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat which I tried not to copy. Carlisle shot her a stern look as she tossed her hair over her shoulders and stood. She strode from the room, muttering, "Really, Carlisle. You'd make friends with _anything."_

He sighed and shook his head before turning his attention back to me.

"You think the werewolves _want_ to be friends with the vampires?"

"You and Seth seem to be maintaining a friendship."

"That's different."

"I do not see how."

"Most of them tolerated us on their reservation for the sole reason that you were the only one capable of healing Jacob's wounds."

"Which he got defending _us."_

"Which he got defending _Leah."_

"Who was there fighting the army for us."

"They were there so that they could kill vampires! If the army had been after us alone, they would have watched as we were torn to shreds, and only then stepped in to kill any that were left. It was Bella, the reservation, and the town they were protecting, not us."

He pursed his lips in disapproval. "I thought you were passed this. Do you still hate the wolves so much? After the way you helped me treat Jacob - "

"I'm only being realistic, Carlisle. I don't hate them. I don't hate _him._ But I can't say the same for them. They don't trust us, and they don't like us. I sent the invitation for Bella's sake. It's not my fault he can't be an adult about the situation."

He raised his eyebrows, skeptically. _And you believe that you are?_

I studied him without answering.

"Can you honestly say you were not rubbing his nose in the fact that you are marrying the woman he loves?"

I pressed my lips together and sighed. If we had been talking about Mike, then the answer would easily have been that I had no reason other than, as Carlisle had put it, rubbing his nose in the fact. But with Jacob...

"I respect Jacob Black. More than you realize."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I owe him a debt that I'll never be able to repay. He saved Bella's life more times than I can say. As such, I owe him my life, too. He saved her knowing that she loved me. Because of him, his pack fought the army. I owe him Bella's life, my own life, and yours and the rest of our family's, too. Have you forgotten that I watched the future of the fight that Alice saw before they offered to help us? I watched our family die, Carlisle!" I stopped and swallowed hard while he considered my words. The skepticism remained on his face, though the anger seemed to leave it.

"He made his offer to help us _knowing_ what her plans were. Knowing that Bella loved me, not him. That she was going to join us, making her essentially his enemy too. And still he risked his life and his pack's life to save ours. No, Carlisle. I grieve for his pain; I don't rejoice in it."

I could see that he believed me by the change in the expression on his face. But though there may have been neither anger nor skepticism there, I could still easily read the sadness in his eyes. "I am very glad to hear that, son. But there was still no need to add to it. If he had wanted to remain in her life, he would have found a way to do so. Their friendship is over."

"Bella may have told him goodbye, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't prefer to have us both. That's the only reason I sent the invitation. I would give her anything, even if that means giving her _him._ I even tried to convince her to choose him. And if she had, and had told me goodbye instead of him... we would not be having this conversation."

 _No. I suppose not._

"Well, that's neither here nor there. He's gone, and Bella and I are getting married soon." Despite myself, I felt a grin overtake my face. "I invited Seth, too, you know."

Carlisle laughed and nodded. "I do know. And I understand he plans on attending, too."

"Well, there you go. You want us to be friends with the wolves and there's one that likes us. At least it's a start."

He shook his head and left me to resume the video I'd been watching.

The best summer of my existence passed swiftly. Bella and I spent nearly every minute together, but there were still times when I had to part from her. I had my own fittings, and Alice refused to let me anywhere near their house when Charlie or Bella were trying on their clothes. The wedding wasn't the only thing that needed to be planned. I had arrangements to make for our stay on the island and used the computer in Carlisle's study to type up yet another correspondence with our housekeepers.

Yes, I insisted to them for the third time, I _did_ need them to stock the house with food! Alice had insisted on me ordering eggs especially, along with peanut butter, bread, cereal, several types of cheeses, flour, sugar, milk, butter and oils, various frozen meats, noodles, a variety of fresh local vegetables and frozen ones too, fruits, nuts, a plethora of herbs and spices, pastries - though my nose wrinkled at the memory of the plastic smell of the Pop-Tarts that Bella loved - granola bars, lunch meat, multiple types of condiments, and juices.

Typing up the list she'd given me, I realized that Alice had told me to order enough food to keep Bella fed for a month, at least! It was no wonder they were questioning me. We had never made such requests of them before, and doing so now only fueled their curiosity about us, but that didn't matter; Bella would need to eat.

I'd been infuriated with my sister at first and had demanded that she keep her visions of the future away from the island. She had insisted that she wasn't being nosy and that it was better to be prepared. Growing more and more nervous over our stay, I'd finally reversed my stance and begged her to tell me what she saw. Of course, she'd refused to show me anything, telling me that there were too many possibilities to say anything definitive. She assured me that she was merely being thorough, and was planning for any and every potential future.

Though I'd tried to pry past her defenses, there was nothing to see in her mind as far as our honeymoon was concerned. She would only show me the image she had seen from the beginning: Bella, cold and white, with the bright red eyes of a newborn vampire. Somewhat reassured, I allowed her to make her plans for our trip without further objections. There was an eternity afterwards which we also had to consider, but more immediate concerns were brought to my attention by Esme.

"You aren't planning on turning her on your honeymoon, are you?" she demanded while I composed my email.

"Not if I can help it," I said firmly.

Esme put her hands on her hips and leveled a hard stare at me. _I do not want a repeat of Emmett and Rosalie, Edward!_

Blinking at her in surprise, I asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"How many excuses did we have to come up with for all of the supplies we had to buy when repairing the damage they did to our house?"

I scoffed and said, "There's a difference, Esme. Emmett was a newborn, and a freakishly strong one at that. Bella's not going to be ripping any walls down."

"Bella might not, but that's not to say _you_ won't."

I was sure that if I had been a human my cheeks would have burned as brightly as Bella's often did. Glad that Jasper wasn't around to witness my embarrassment, I spoke evenly, not betraying what I was feeling. "She's a _human,_ and unlike Rosalie, I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate me crashing through the walls with her."

"Probably not, but the fact remains: I've seen too many newlywed vampires not to know what to expect. And I don't want this house torn apart!"

Annoyed, I frowned at her. "What do you want me to say, Esme? I promise I won't damage your house. Happy?"

She laughed. "I know you won't. But feel free to damage _hers."_

Seeing her imagine the purple comforter which covered Bella's bed, my mouth opened in shock. "Pardon me? You're expecting us to move in with _Charlie?!"_

"Don't be silly. I expect you to move out. Together. Into your own place."

"Oh." I felt a smile tugging at my lips. Though I'd imagined the two of us living together before, it hadn't seemed like something we would do right away, especially since, as a newborn, Bella would need as much supervision and guidance as my family could provide to her. But if she remained _human..._

Sighing, I shook my head. "Bella is sure to demand that I change her the moment we get back, if not sooner. We can't move out until she's past her newborn year."

 _You are so blind sometimes._ "You don't need to move away. You just need to not live _here!"_

"Where else do you expect us to live, then?"

"There is the cabin, you know. Or had you forgotten?"

I hadn't forgotten, but I hadn't even considered that option! The property our house was on included many square miles of forest around the main house, but it wasn't the only building that was on our land. There was an old hunting cabin about a mile and a half away from the large house that Esme had designed.

"There's just one problem, Esme. That cabin is far from livable."

She shrugged, unconcerned. "That's easily remedied. The three of us built a house from scratch on the beach. I think our family can handle making that building into a home that Bella would love. Then you'd be free to tear out her walls at leisure. Just remember, you break it, you fix it!"

My mouth twisted into a crooked grin. Our own place! Far enough away from my family for privacy, while still near enough to be a part of the family. I wouldn't have to hear their minds, but at that distance, I could still easily reach for them if I so chose. Likewise, they would not be able to hear us.

"You're just looking for an excuse to design a new house. Admit it!"

She laughed and winked. "So we all get something out of it. Win - win."

We grinned at each other as I watched her memories of our beach house and her ideas for the cabin.

"How long are you planning on staying here? You know that I can't change Bella until we move without the wolves challenging us. Why not save your blueprints for the next place we move to?"

"Carlisle and I were discussing that. You don't really want to leave Forks already, do you?"

I shook my head. There was something about this land. My entire family had fallen in love with our rainy corner of the world the first time we had moved here seventy years earlier. The mountains, the forest, and especially the _wildlife_ all made the Olympic peninsula a very desirable place to us. Add to that the cloud cover and the accompanying rain, which gave us so much freedom, and the temperature, which gave us an excuse for our cold skin and layered clothes, it was as though the place had been designed for us exactly. More than anyplace else we'd lived - barring, perhaps, Isle Esme - this place felt like home to all of us. I wasn't looking forward to leaving.

"We were hoping that, in light of our recent alliance, and your friendship with Seth, an accommodation could be made. It isn't as though you were randomly grabbing some girl off the street to bite - which I think is what they originally feared. You've done everything in your power to prevent Bella from becoming a vampire. She has chosen to join our family with the full understanding of what that choice means. We all also understand what refusing her means, to both of you. Wouldn't they rather see her alive and with us, knowing that she's happy?"

"That's just it," I muttered. "They _don't_ see us as alive."

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. _...thought Carlisle had finally convinced you that you aren't dead!_

"I'm not talking about _my_ beliefs. I'm talking about theirs. I know how they see us. Whether or not I agree with them is irrelevant."

"Hmm." She eyed me skeptically.

"They'll consider her dead either way. The fact that she wants it only makes it assisted suicide in their eyes."

"But if that's her choice - "

"It doesn't matter to them! When I change her, I will murder her." And I still couldn't find it in me to disagree with them. No matter how many times or how many ways Carlisle tried to convince me otherwise, I couldn't deny the fact that my heart didn't beat, my flesh was cold and hard as stone, and my body incapable of growth or change. Perhaps I wasn't dead, but how could I claim to be alive?

"Even so," she murmured. "We are not what their ancestors feared us to be. Things have changed, even if we have not."

I sighed heavily. "It's possible that Bella could have convinced Jacob and thus Sam to amend the original treaty. She has done so once before, when we all worried for her safety, but Jacob is gone. Seth is one of the youngest pack members, and as such, has little influence over Sam's decisions. They can't wait for us to be gone. So long as Bella is still alive when we move, they don't need to know anything else."

"All the more reason for you two to live here, in your own place, for a time. Show them that she's still human when you return. Then, when we all move, we can allow them to assume that she will stay that way."

"They'll _know."_

"They won't be able to prove it. And when we're gone, what will it matter? They won't be able to find us, and we will never come back here."

I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my hand across my mouth as I considered her words. I'd been looking for an excuse to convince Bella to stay human for a while longer. This one sounded like a better one than anything I'd come up with, and it would play on Bella's connection to the wolves.

Unable to stop myself, I grinned at the thought of living alone with my Bella, even for a short time. "Where will we move when we leave?"

She shrugged. "I thought the plan was still Alaska, unless you and Bella really do go to Dartmouth."

I nodded, feeling disappointed that she would be missing that experience. Charlie had been ecstatic at Bella's acceptance in the ivy league college. "Alaska it is, then. We'll only be able to go to Dartmouth if she agrees not to change, and I don't see that happening."

"Which is exactly why you should act as though that is what you were doing. I suggest that you make the arrangements to move to New Hampshire as though you really were going. If she agrees, then you can go there. If not, we'll make it look as though you did, and we will all go visit our cousins for a time instead." Seeing my grimace, she grinned at me, her eyes dancing with amusement at my expression. "I think, with a wife of your own, you might not mind living with Tanya so much."

"Hmm." A wife of my own; how I loved the sound of that! Esme gave in to her laughter as she walked away, and I turned back to the computer to finish my email to our housekeepers before looking up real estate listings around Dartmouth. Either we would move there, or not. And if not, we would make it look as though we were, and having a house to move to made it more plausible.

Bella's newborn year would pass quickly, and once she could be around humans again, there would be nothing stopping us from actually going to Dartmouth if we chose. If need be, I could simply sell the house to myself after we changed names, which was something we'd have to do no matter where we moved or risk being found. That really was too bad; I loved the way Bella Cullen sounded. Perhaps we could go back to Masen. It had been decades since last I'd been Edward Masen. Thinking about it, I decided that Bella Masen sounded pretty nice, too.

I did feel bad for the way Charlie would react as the weeks turned into months with no word from Bella. By the time he checked on her, we would seem to have disappeared. He would never know what happened to his daughter, though he was sure to tell Billy, and the wolves would know that we had run away and why. But what could they really tell him? That we were bloodsucking demons and I had turned his daughter into one, too? Charlie would have him committed if he started talking about vampires.

I supposed it was possible for Billy to have one of the pack prove the existence of supernatural creatures, but what would be the point? We would be gone by that time, and telling Charlie of Bella's fate would only hurt him.

Thinking of Charlie's hurt made me think of Jacob's. Coming to a sudden decision, I picked up the phone and dialed the only wolf I knew of who would be willing to talk with me.

"Hello, Seth," I greeted the young wolf with pleasure when he answered.

"Edward! How are ya, man?"

"Good. Great, actually."

"I bet! Not too much longer to wait, huh?"

"No." I could hear my grin in my voice.

"Everyone's talkin' about you and Bella. From the way it sounded when me and Leah were pickin' up some stuff for Mom, half the town's gonna be at your wedding."

"I hear that includes you?"

"Yup! Wouldn't miss it."

His enthusiasm gave me an unusual feeling of warmth. It had been a long time since I'd had a friend outside of my family, and certainly had never known anyone - other than Bella - who knew what I was and didn't care.

After clearing my throat unnecessarily, I asked, "So who will you be bringing? Alice said you wouldn't be attending alone."

"Yeah. About that. Mom insisted on tagging along. She, er, well, doesn't trust you. I told her she was being ridiculous, but she wasn't going to let me come otherwise and, well, I thought it'd be easier to just tell her she could come, too."

"I'm rather glad she's coming. This way, she can see for herself that we're not going back on our word to your pack. But, you can bring more than one guest if you'd like. We're going to have a band, and there'll be dancing. Aren't there any girls in La Push who've caught your eye?"

He was silent for a long moment, and I worried that somehow I'd offended him. "I'm sorry, Seth. I didn't mean to pry. I only thought - "

"Naw, it's not a big deal." He sighed, but didn't explain, and I was loathe to press him when he obviously didn't want to elaborate.

Most humans took telephones for granted and some would spend all day talking on them, but being used to simply pulling what people were thinking from their minds meant that I always felt nearly as frustrated speaking though one as I did when Bella aroused my curiosity. What was worse was when she edited what she said for what she believed I wanted to hear, as I'd seen humans do as they spoke to one another. How did normal people handle this kind of uncertainty in every interaction?

Eventually, he said, "What's the point in having a girlfriend, when I can never promise her anything?"

Understanding dawned on me, and I said, "You're afraid you'll imprint on someone else."

There was a rustle of clothes, and I thought he'd shrugged. "Leah and Sam were real close, you know?" I wasn't sure what to say, but after a brief pause, he chuckled. "Anyway, at the rate the pack's goin' we'll all have imprinted on someone within a few years, so I'll just be patient and keep my eyes open."

From what I'd seen of imprinting, I wasn't sure if that was something I really would wish on my young friend, but I did understand his hesitancy to form any other kind of relationship. The pack's telephathic link meant that Seth had a first-hand look at his sister's sense of betrayal as well as Sam's remorse in causing it. Of course, Sam had not intentionally betrayed Leah the way I had lied to and left Bella, but regardless of his intent, he had made promises to her which he could no longer keep.

Whether he truly wanted to imprint or not, I knew what it was to be alone, and that was certainly not something I would wish on him. Trying to sound encouraging, I said, "I waited many years for Bella, Seth. I have no doubt your patience will be rewarded. If someone like me can find love, surely you will, too."

He snorted. "Sure, sure. You been talkin' with my mom, dude? Cause you sound like her."

I groaned, _"Please_ don't let my brothers hear you say that!"

He snickered while I chuckled, but when our amusement died, there was a moment of awkward silence.

"So... what's up? Or did Alice tell you I needed advice on my love life?"

"I was wondering if you'd been in touch with Jacob at all."

"Ah. No. He's gone wolf."

"Carlisle said he'd phased and run away, but Jacob told me once that you could still hear each other from hundreds of miles away. Can you not hear him?"

"Oh, we can hear him alright. It's getting him to listen to _us_ that's the trouble."

"Isn't it impossible for you to keep from hearing each other in your wolf forms?"

"Well, yeah. But he's not thinking like a human. We can see what he's doing, like the trees he runs by or the deer he caught, but not much else."

"So... when you said he's gone wolf..."

"I guess it's easier for him to not think about Bella when he's acting on just his animal instincts."

"Hmm."

"What's with all the questions?"

I sighed. "She won't say so, but Bella's worried about him."

"Yeah, she is. She's called here a couple of times askin' about him, but I can only tell her what I've told you. Jake's not coming back. Not any time soon, anyway."

"Huh."

"Why did you want to know?"

"I was hoping you could convince him to come home."

He blew out a heavy breath. "We've been trying."

"I'm sure, but I thought, maybe, if you passed along a message for me..."

"Uh... I dunno, Edward. Jake's not your biggest fan. You really think that he'll listen to _you_ when he won't listen to us?"

"Well, no. But if you could, just tell him for me, please, that I said Bella missed him? It couldn't hurt, could it?"

He sighed. "I'll try."

"Thanks."


	7. Last Night

**Last Night**

It was August twelfth, and my long wait was nearly over at last. The out-of-town guests had flown or driven in. The various dresses, suits, and tuxedos were hanging in closets, ready for the biggest day of my existence.

Alice, Esme, and Rosalie had been whirlwinds of energy, cleaning the house from top to bottom. They had elicited Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett's help in shifting our furniture upstairs so the living room could accommodate the wedding party, while I had been summarily kicked out of my own house, with the instructions _not_ to return until it was time for the wedding.

I was exultant. Bella and I were getting married tomorrow!

I had already been spending nearly every night in Bella's room since our return from Italy, but since her acceptance of my proposal, our nights had become less than chaste. Not caring in the slightest that her father was in the next room, we would lie together on her small bed, our lips moving in unison. It was often all I could do not to tear the thick blankets off of her. I wanted so badly to feel her skin on mine, and they were preventing me from being as close to her as I wanted to be. Sternly, I reminded myself that I didn't have much longer to wait and left the blankets where they were.

Though I kept her bundled up to prevent her from being chilled by my cold skin, and to prevent me from being tempted to act improperly, there was nothing stopping her from pushing the lines of our relationship as far as I would allow, and she would do to me what I so wanted to do to her - expose my skin to her touch.

Bella took advantage of my abstraction with the taste of her mouth to undo the buttons of my shirt. Only taking my mouth from hers long enough to allow her to breathe, or so that I could trace her face and neck with my lips, I felt her yanking the fabric over my head and pulled away from her just far enough so that she could complete the maneuver.

She unceremoniously tossed my shirt to the floor, and I picked up where I had left off, this time with the flame of her hands caressing my bare back. The first time she had done so had nearly been more than I could stand. Every night since, she had managed to divest me of my shirt, and would run her hands over my chest and shoulders, pressing her palm flat against the small of my back.

What I had told Carlisle was more true with every passing day: I _wanted_ her!

Despite how scared I was, there was a part of me that was glad she had talked me into our agreement. Even if we would have eternity to be together as husband and wife once she was turned, I had fallen in love with Bella while she was a human and had had my first kiss with her as a human. I loved to feel the heat of her hands, her skin so warm on mine. I loved listening to her heartbeat and loved even more the way it would race when I touched her. The scent of her hormones, the blush on her cheeks, her very human reactions to the man in me - not the vampire - everything about her attracted me, and I wanted to experience her love while she was human.

No man in the history of the world could have looked forward to his wedding night as much as I did. No man in the history of the world could have feared that night like I did, either. No matter how desperately I wanted to make love to Bella, I was terrified of what would happen to her when I did.

Those fears were only made worse as I lay beside her and found myself forgetting to be gentle or to let her breathe. Though I would never willingly bite her, the scent of her blood was a growing flame in my throat that the taste of her kisses only enhanced. I couldn't ignore the reality that I was a vampire, though Bella seemed oblivious of the fact.

And I loved and feared that about her, too.

Traditionally, the groom was not supposed to see the bride on the day of the wedding until the ceremony itself. Unlike most nights, Bella could not fall asleep in my arms, and nor could I spend the entire night kissing and touching her. Tomorrow, yes. But tonight, I had to leave my Bella to sleep alone and spend my last night as an unmarried man away from the girl I loved. I hated the thought of leaving her embrace and clutched her tighter to me.

As though she were able to read my mind, she whispered, "I miss you already."

Traditions be damned! There was little that was traditional about us anyway, and I didn't want to go. "I don't need to leave. I can stay..."

"Mmm."

I captured her lips again, preventing her from speaking further. Bella's body spoke to me though; her heart raced, and her breaths were more like gasps. Though I didn't need oxygen like she did, my breaths echoed hers, and my chest heaved with the force of my desire for her. Each time she breathed out, I breathed in, feeling her warm breaths soothing the burn in my throat. I released her, moving back just far enough that I could see her face. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were just parted, her face turned toward mine expectantly. When I didn't kiss her, she opened her eyes and looked into mine.

Bella had the most beautiful eyes. Far too soon, they would turn red, but for now, they were a rich, melted chocolate. I could have stared into their depths for the rest of my eternity, if only that were possible. In order to keep her for eternity though, I had to change her into a vampire. Even if she did manage to do the impossible and resist ever killing, once I changed her, I would lose those brown eyes forever.

Although I found my family's gold to be beautiful too, I would miss her brown eyes, among so many other human things. I would miss the way her heart pounded against my chest, the way her body radiated heat, and the smell of her breath and skin. As I stared into her eyes, I tried to picture what she would look like with golden eyes - something that Alice had never shown me. She had only ever shown them to me as the vivid red of a newborn.

I tried to imagine what it would be like when her body was as silent as her mind was. I breathed her in and wondered what she would smell like, and what it would be like to kiss her without my throat aching with thirst. I wondered what it would be like to be able to kiss her without fear. She smiled, her brown eyes filling with love for me. Though her human strength could not move me, when she pulled on me, I had no choice but to yield to her touch, and she pressed her soft lips against mine once again.

I couldn't imagine anything that could make me want to leave. "Definitely staying," I whispered against her lips.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go," she whispered back.

I knew she liked the idea of me leaving just as much as I did when I felt her hand knot in my hair and the one which rested against my back press harder, pulling me closer to her. I reached up and ran my fingers along her soft cheeks, enjoying the warmth from her blush.

I shook my head slightly. "Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point." How I had longed for this day! My own loneliness aside, living with three perfectly matched couples had been difficult when I was the only single one among them. Now, we would be _four_ couples, and my family would be complete.

"True," Bella sighed, her warm breath against my throat sending a light shiver through me.

My shiver turned into a shudder of almost unbearable pleasure when her hand left my hair and slowly ran down my chest and stomach. Unable to help myself, I caught her mouth once more, telling myself again and again that I had to _wait._ It was just one more day after all, and I had already waited for so many thousands of days. I could handle one more.

Couldn't I?

I was abruptly unsure that I could when I felt her warm tongue tracing my lips. My body wanted to respond to hers, and I ached to taste her tongue with mine, to pull more than just her breath into my mouth. But I couldn't, not until she was changed. My breath escaped me, and I pulled away from her.

"Wait," she protested. She squirmed to free herself from her blankets until she had one leg free and wrapped around my waist. "Practice makes perfect."

I couldn't help but to laugh against the skin of her throat. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?"

"But this is the dress rehearsal, and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe."

My muscles tensed, and my adoring stare turned into an angry glare. She never considered the dangers in which she placed herself! Whatever it was that had allowed her to fall in love with a vampire had robbed her of any sense of self-preservation. Was this why she was so certain that she would survive the next night? Was it because she couldn't comprehend anything as truly being threatening to herself? Her best friend was a werewolf, and her fiance was a vampire who had come close to killing her on so many occasions. Why did she have to refuse to ever take her safety into account? It was hard to trust her when her views were skewed in the way that they were.

"Bella..." I tried to find it in me to argue once more that what she wanted - what _we_ wanted - was dangerous.

"Don't start this again," she said, fiercely. "A deal's a deal."

I shook my head, feeling the terror of losing her shoot through me like my veins had suddenly been filled with ice. "I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I - I can't think straight," I admitted. "I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."

"I'll be fine," she insisted.

I tried again, "Bella..."

"Shh!" She stopped me by pressing her lips against mine.

Though I couldn't argue a third time, I tried to keep my perspective as I kissed her, to concentrate on her as I would need to do the following night. I tried to be aware of her touch without being overwhelmed by it, to taste her lips and nothing more, to feel her against me without the need to hold her tighter, and tighter, still.

Managing to pull myself away from her mouth, I murmured, "How are your feet?"

Her instant response was, "Toasty warm."

I tried not to grin at how rapidly she'd answered. After she had resisted agreeing to marry me for so long, I felt the need to hear her reiterate that this was truly what she wanted. "Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

Her eyes grew wide, and a smirk played about her lips. "Are you trying to ditch me?"

I laughed at her teasing tone. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

"I'm sure about you," she insisted. "The rest I can live through."

I watched her, wondering how she could be so sure about that. She already missed her mother, and she had grown so close to her father over the past year and a half. "Can you? I don't mean the wedding - which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms." I grinned at her, holding back my laugh. Sobering, I continued my questions. "But afterward... what about Renée, what about Charlie?"

She heaved a long, drawn out sigh. I had voiced this same argument to her many times, and I had no doubt that she didn't really want to hear me bring it up again, but becoming a vampire was a one way street. Once I bit her, there would be no going back.

"I'll miss them," she admitted.

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike," I pressed her.

"I'll miss my friends, too. Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"

Even knowing that she was teasing me, I couldn't hold back my growl. I had brought the horrid boy up, but to even hear her joke about missing him was irritating.

She giggled, knowing how I felt about him, and pleased at having elicited such a response from me. When she spoke though, her voice was serious. "Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough."

Though I loved the way her voice sounded as she insisted that she wanted me the way that I wanted her, I knew the consequences of her choices. I had _lived_ them. "Frozen forever at eighteen."

"Every woman's dream come true."

I shook my head. That was _such_ a human concept! The reality of being an eternal teenager was far less of a fairy tale. "Never changing... never moving forward."

"What does that mean?" she demanded.

I was silent for a moment, thinking of everything that I could never give to her, of everything that my family had missed over the decades, of the things that we could never be. When I was finally able to speak, my words were halting and slow. "Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were... pregnant?"

She snickered. "And he thought about shooting you. Admit it - for one second, he honestly considered it."

I didn't share her amusement and watched her sadly.

Her expression sobered. "What, Edward?"

"I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right," I admitted.

"Gah." Her exclamation was almost one of disgust.

"More that there was some way he _could_ have been right," I pressed. "That we had that kind of potential. I _hate_ taking that away from you, too."

She didn't answer me for a long minute. I stroked her cheek and let my hand trail down to her waist, though it was wrapped in thick blankets. I passed a hand across her stomach, imagining it swelling with child - with _my_ child. I felt my jaw clench. Wishing for things that could never be was ridiculous, but that had never stopped me before, and didn't now.

"I know what I'm doing," she said, firmly.

My eyes flashed to her face. "How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did - we'll adopt."

I sighed, and considered telling her that Rosalie didn't get along childless nearly as well as Bella believed. Esme was happy being our mother, but as she had so recently pointed out to me, we were all grown and required very little actual mothering. She had never sang us to sleep, nor baked us birthday cakes, never had to kiss away a scrape, nor nurse us through a cold. I had vague impressions of my human mother doing something similar for me, but these were dull and blurry, and could have belonged to anyone. They certainly didn't seem to be mine anymore.

Angry at everything I was stealing away from her, I growled, "It's not _right!_ I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human - "

She stopped my angry words with a soft finger placed against my lips. _"You_ are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you _need_ a bachelor party."

I smiled as her hand left my mouth and traveled back into my hair, stroking the untidy mess away from my face. "I'm sorry." This was the night before our wedding, and here I was arguing with her, practically trying to convince her not to go through with it. "I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."

"Are _your_ feet cold?" Her eyebrow quirked, and I grinned.

"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait - "

 _...brother of ours thinks he's getting out of this, he's got another thing coming!_

 _...just have to drag him away from her kicking and screaming if need be._

 _...sounds good to me! You hit him with a good dose of fear while I toss him over my shoulders. He'll be ours before he knows it!_

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I growled.

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have to call my brothers," I explained through my teeth. "Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."

Her hands tightened around me briefly and then fell away. "Have fun," she muttered.

I watched through his eyes as Emmett jumped up to hang from the eaves and slowly raked his fingernails across the glass of the window pane. Bella shuddered against me at the noise.

"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett drawled with a sinister hiss.

"Go. _Before_ they break my house." Her body shook against mine as she laughed.

Only my Bella could find such a sound coming from a vampire amusing. Rolling my eyes, I forced myself to pull away from her warm embrace, scooping my shirt off the floor as I stood. Shrugging back into my shirt, I paused to stare at my bride-to-be. The next time I would look at her beautiful face, she would be dressed in the gown my sister had chosen for her - and had successfully kept hidden from me - and walking down the aisle toward me. I leaned close to her so that I could brush my lips against her forehead.

Breathing in her scent one more time, I told her gently, "Go to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

Her mouth twisted and her nose wrinkled. "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."

Stalling, not wanting to leave, I couldn't stop my joy in saying, "I'll meet you at the altar."

"I'll be the one in white." Her lips spread into a wide smile, and I felt a swelling of excitement in my chest as I snickered at her attempted nonchalance.

"Very convincing."

 _C'mon Romeo! Let's go! We're thirsty, and Bella needs to sleep._

 _Can't stay all night, bro. Get a move on!_

Tearing myself away from her eyes, I crouched and launched myself out of her window. Using Emmett's own eyes as a guide, I aimed myself at him and landed right on his shoulders.

He cussed and reached for me, but I jumped off of him before he could touch me and landed in front of him in a low crouch, grinning and growling. "Brat." He sank down into a crouch that matched mine, waving me toward himself, tauntingly. _Bring it!_

Bella's low voice floated down to my ears like an angel's call directly from Heaven. "You'd better not make him late."

We circled each other several times until Jasper stepped between us. "Save it for the hunt, guys," he admonished with a chuckle before launching himself upwards to perch outside of Bella's window. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time."

Abruptly, the excitement I was feeling eased as Jasper spread a calm among the three of us. I guessed Bella was more nervous than she was letting on, and Jasper could sense it.

Amidst the sound of the rustling of her blankets, I heard her voice again. "Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club are you?"

Emmett glared up at our brother. "Don't tell her anything!"

Using his distraction, I got in a hard shove and chuckled as he was forced to take a few steps away from me.

A strip club?! Ugh. If I had any desire to gawk at naked women, I could easily do so without stepping into a place where they sold their looks to leering men. Just thinking of what I would see in the minds of the men in such a place made me shudder. The only woman whose naked body I had any interest in seeing was Bella's and, with another surge of excitement, I thought that by this time the next day, I would be able to do just that.

"Relax," Jasper said, reinforcing his calm to counter both Bella's nerves and my own. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."

Taking advantage of Jasper's position outside of Bella's window, I looked through his eyes, eager to catch one last glimpse of my bride-to-be. She was still wrapped in her blankets, her hair disheveled, and her cheeks flushed with her easy blush. Even from where I stood, I could smell her overwhelming floral scent, and I inhaled deeply, tasting her blush in the air.

"Thanks, Jasper."

My brother dropped back down to join me and Emmett. We buffeted each other's shoulders a few times before sprinting away from Charlie's house. Unable to contain my excitement, I raced at my full speed, quickly outdistancing both of my brothers. Crouching low, I pushed off from the ground hard, propelling myself upward through the branches to grab hold of the top of a tree with a loud whoop which I wouldn't have been surprised if Bella could hear, even from that distance. Letting go, I dropped back to the ground, landing in their path just before they caught up to me.

"What took you so long?" I teased.

Emmett was concentrating on the bears he was about to catch and didn't slow his run as he barreled up to me until he swerved at the last second to tackle me to the ground. We rolled a few times, breaking several small trees. Laughing and grappling with each other, using our legs and arms to try to pin the other, Emmett's excessive strength gave him the advantage, and I wound up face down with him sitting on top of me, my arms in his iron grip.

"Damn!"

"Hah! Gotcha!"

Radiating amusement, Jasper leaned against a tree, smirking at us.

"Get off me, Emmett," I grumbled.

 _Say Uncle!_

"Uncle, damn it, now get off me!"

"Who's your favorite brother?"

I struggled, but couldn't twist out of his grasp. "Jasper is, you big oaf."

Jasper doubled over, laughing and pointing at Emmett. "See? Told you so."

"Tsk, tsk. Wrong answer." He dug a knee into my ribs, and I grunted and hissed.

"Let _go_ of me, Emmett."

"Who's. Your. Favorite. Brother?!" He punctuated each word with another jab of his knee into my ribs.

Shaking my hair out of my eyes, I craned my head around to glare at him.

"Come on, Eddie," he taunted, drawing the words out. "Say it."

"Don't call me that," I growled through my teeth.

"Say it!"

"Ugh, you are, alright? Now get _off!"_

"Hah!" He grinned at Jasper. _"I'm_ his favorite." Leaping backwards, he landed in a defensive crouch as I sprang from the ground to land in a similar pose.

Jasper snorted. "You're only his favorite because you had him pinned. He said _I_ was, first."

Scoffing, I straightened and stalked away from them, brushing the dirt, twigs, and leaves off of my clothes as I went. "I don't particularly like either of you, so it's really a matter of who I dislike less at this point."

They glanced conspiratorially at each other, but I jumped out of the way just as they rushed me. Laughing, I gave them both a good shove before taking off toward the mountains, once more. I wasn't running at my top speed this time, allowing them to catch back up to me, and we all shared a grin as we climbed into the higher elevations to find some prey. We passed several groupings of deer and a few elk before finally coming across the scent of a lion.

 _Mine!_ I felt a rumble in my chest and tasted my flowing venom.

Jasper sighed. "This is his party; I suppose we should let him have first dibs."

"Nu- _uh_. I pinned him. I say I get the first." Emmett crouched, preparing to launch himself in the direction of the tantalizing scent of my favorite prey.

Before he could move, I was clinging to his back with my teeth at his neck. "Think again, slow poke!" I hissed in his ear.

He reached over his shoulders, but I snapped at his hands as they got close to my head. He crashed backwards into a tree, but although it was knocked over, I wasn't budged. With one arm wedged securely under his chin, I freed the other just long enough to rub my knuckles across his scalp. He twisted around, trying to grab me by the leg to haul me around himself, but I shifted my position before he could reach me and chuckled at his futile attempt.

 _...both distracted. Guess it's mine!_

Hearing Jasper's plan, I released Emmett and blew by Jasper, calling, "I don't think so!" over my shoulder. By the time they caught up to me, the lion was wrapped in my arms and my nose was buried in its fur. The cat growled and hissed, but its protests were barely audible over the sound of my snarl. Though I barely felt them, its claws were scrabbling against my chest as it snapped at my arms and twisted about, trying to fight its way free.

"Hmm." Jasper contemplated me. "You think we can get it from him before he can drink it?"

Emmett flexed his arms and rolled his head as if he were still capable of cracking his neck. "Oh, yeah."

"Don't even think about it," I warned them.

 _Oh, I'm thinking it, alright!_ Emmett grinned at me, picturing himself pinning me again, this time with his teeth at my neck.

Unexpectedly terrified, I gasped, and my hold on the struggling cat loosened. I dropped the beast and found myself fending off a blond fury of hands, feet, and flashing teeth. Using the moves he had taught me, I managed to block Jasper's attempts to grab me. I got a leg up and between us and shoved it into his chest hard enough that he took a couple of steps backward. In the space I'd gained, I ducked down to grab his legs and threw him into the air just before Emmett wrapped his arms around me. This time though, I was _hunting_ , and determined not to wind up face down on the ground again. I squirmed in his grip enough to get my arms around his head and hauled him over my shoulder. He landed on his back with a grunt, just as Jasper came at me again.

He was still projecting fear, and I found myself backing away in reaction. Only the knowledge that he truly meant me no harm kept me from turning tail and running. I could easily imagine what it must have been like for the newborns whom he had fought against for the first part of his life. Aside from his training, Jasper's talent made him a deadly adversary, and his mate was the only one I'd ever seen who could truly best him. Emmett was also subjected to the fear that Jasper was blanketing the area with and was cursing as he scrambled out of the way, no longer a threat to me.

Of course, the nature of Jasper's talent made him vulnerable to its effects, too. Fighting off the false terror, I grinned tauntingly and forced myself to bring forth my feelings for Bella - not a difficult task, all things considered. In the face of the overwhelming love I felt for Bella and my excitement over our upcoming wedding, he lost his defensive stance and a smile tugged at his lips, but rather than use the opportunity to attack him, I launched myself in the direction of the fleeing lion. Our tussle had only lasted a few minutes, and the large cat hadn't gone very far.

As the beast sprang toward a low hanging branch, I moved into its path so that it leapt right into my arms. I had my teeth in its throat before it could let out more than a grunt. Savoring my victory as well as the kill, I slowly drained the cat of every last drop of blood. A good hunt was always better for a tussle, and having a bit of real competition from my brothers made it all the more satisfying. They found me as I tucked the lion's body under a pile of boulders.

I grinned broadly at them, seeing in their minds that my chin was dripping with lion blood and, for once, not caring. Instead, I flaunted the fact that I had fed and they had not. "Come on, boys, the next round's on me! The night is young, and I'm still thirsty. Let's see if we can rustle up a bear or three."

 _Sounds good!_ Emmett's playful thoughts turned predatory at the image of his favorite prey, and we spread out slightly, sniffing out the next animals who were destined to satisfy our thirst.

Several hours later, having glutted ourselves on several bears and elk apiece, we lounged beside one of the still lakes that dotted the mountain range, taking turns skipping stones across its surface. We could have also fed on a pack of wolves which had crossed our path, but after the events of that spring, I couldn't bring myself to kill any of them, so we stuck to thinning out the bear, elk, and lion population. Despite passing up the wolves, we were all happily full, and my eyes were just as light as theirs were, perhaps even a shade lighter due to the lion.

I had wanted to drink as much as possible that night so that I would have the longest time I could manage before needing to leave Bella's side to hunt over our honeymoon. After all that I had drunk already that night, I didn't think I would have managed so much as a rabbit at that moment, had I been so inclined, even if I could have stomached the taste.

As far from civilization as we were, the stars had no competition other than the moon in lighting up the sky. I lay on my back with a sigh, tucking my hands under my head as I stared at the display overhead. My field of vision was filled with a deep, velvety black blanket which was strewn with millions of glittering diamonds. In less than twenty-four hours, I would be seeing an entirely different set of stars. I sighed again, feeling my sense of excitement increase. As Jasper stretched out beside me, I glanced at him and saw a grin that mirrored my own.

Jasper's first decades had been miserable ones, full of fighting, fear, and hatred. Even once he had left Maria's army, he still had been subjected to the terror of his victim's dying emotions. Living on animals might mean being constantly thirsty, but at least the animals didn't subject him to their dying emotions, any more than they did me with their dying thoughts. I was grateful that he and Alice had found our family, both for his sake as well as my own. Without him, the army we had fought that spring would surely have won.

And now, he had a happy, sweet wife, just as I would soon have a wife of my own. I repeated her new name to myself in anticipation, _Bella Cullen._

Jasper chuckled as he unconsciously responded to my emotions.

Emmett flopped down between us. "What's funny?"

My grin broadened. "Everything."

He snorted. "I don't know what you're so excited about."

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because _I'm getting_ _married?"_

"So? You're not planning on changing Bella until you get back. I mean, sure, the island's nice, but you already spend all your time with her." He sat up and flicked another flat stone across the surface of the lake. "Being married is more than changing names and addresses."

"You would know."

"Yep."

"Emmett," I groaned. "Could you at least _try_ not to picture Rosalie?"

"What? It's not like you haven't seen her before."

"Honestly, I try _not_ to."

"Whatever. Rose is beautiful. You can't tell me you've never looked at her."

"There's a difference between looking and seeing. I can't help but to see, but I don't want to look! And certainly not at _you."_

Jasper snorted. "Rose may have a pretty face, Em, but you don't know how incredible it is to feel Alice's love. Just being around her is like coming home to a warm house and dry clothes after being caught in a freezing snowstorm."

"Rose is more than a pretty face!"

"I'm not saying she's not, but she's no Alice."

"Alice is pixie dust and fairy lights. Rose is _fire."_

I snorted. "Rosalie is a temperamental blaze that can take down anything in her path."

Emmett shrugged. "I like having a strong woman. She's the only one capable of keeping up with me."

I groaned at his mental images once more. _"Please,_ Emmett? For my sanity? Could you try not to imagine her like that?"

 _Who's imagining? I'm remembering._

"And that's better... how?"

He snickered. "You are such a prude, Edward."

"Seriously," Jasper agreed with him. "You're a hundred years old. Don't try to act like you're such a sweet, innocent, young thang," he drawled.

"I don't need it rubbed in my face," I muttered, fighting back my nervousness.

Emmett guffawed. "That's what she said!"

Rubbing my forehead, I said, "Must _everything_ be about sex in your mind?"

"Uh, yep. Because it _is._ You think it's money or politics that drives the world? Nope. It's procreation, baby. That's why it's called a _sex drive."_

"Then why do you and Rose bother?"

"Eh, procreation, recreation. It all comes down to the same thing in the end." He started snorting. "And that's what she said, too! Hah!"

"Emmett! You let Esme hear you talking like that and she'll toss out every television we own before you can blink."

"Good Lord. If you aren't the most uptight creature on the planet, little bro, then I don't know who is. Sometimes I think Rose is right." _...never let me live it down if I lose_ this _bet..._

Jasper sat up and scooted around so that he was facing us. "Right about what?"

"Oh, nothing you need to worry about. It's just a little bet me an' Rosie have."

"Fine, don't tell me. But you're wrong. Uptight doesn't even cut it. I've seen _nuns_ who were more easy-going. Come on, Edward, what're you so nervous about?"

"Eddie's _nervous?_ Why?"

I rolled my eyes and rummaged for another rock, but didn't answer them.

Catching my increasing embarrassment, and Emmett's amusement, Jasper's eyes darted back and forth between us. Smirking at me, Jasper taunted, "Edward, if you were a human, you'd be blushing right now! He can't be thinking anything you haven't heard before. What's going on?"

Groaning, I muttered, "Leave it alone, guys. It's none of your business."

Emmett gasped. "No. Seriously? There's no way."

I heaved a sigh.

"You can't be a virgin. Nu-uh."

"And why not?"

"We lived with the Denali's for years! You can't honestly tell me that Tanya never succeeded in - "

 _"Damn_ it! Just shut _up,_ Emmett!" I stood and stalked toward the lake. "Ugh! Why does everyone assume that Tanya and I did anything together?"

"Uh, 'cause she's a hot succubus, and she _wanted_ you. Jeez, the reason she wasn't goin' after me an' Carlisle wasn't just the fact that we were married men. She had her eyes on you from the start."

"And I had absolutely no interest in her! Just because I was single did _not_ mean I was interested in what she wanted. I thought I had made that perfectly clear."

He shrugged. "Foreplay. Sometimes the chase is the best part of the hunt."

Running my hands through my hair, I held my breath, trying not to launch myself at him. "She might have wanted me, but she didn't want... _me._ I didn't want to be just another conquest, aside from the fact that I found her mind unpleasant."

"But, dude, you're a _dude."_

I snarled, "And you're obnoxious, as per usual. Not everyone has to be promiscuous, Emmett."

 _...swear there were times when I wondered if you weren't waitin' for Mister Right, instead._

Turning back to glare at him, I spoke through clenched teeth. "That. Is. Not. Funny."

"Oh, come on! You and Tanya made so much sense! None of us could understand why you insisted that we leave unless you just truly weren't interested."

"I wasn't!"

He raised his eyebrows and spread his hands. "Aaaand that's my point."

"I wasn't interested in _her._ That doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate a beautiful woman. It's just that... they were all the same. Silly, shallow human girls who were only interested in making themselves look better. The sisters weren't any better! They were only interested in feeding their various hungers, whether blood or men or, more commonly, a combination of the two, despite their more recent change in diet. I wanted a woman who wasn't superficial, who could see past her own reflection, someone who was good, but who could forgive the fact that I was, well, not."

"Are you _sure_ Bella should be the one wearing white tomorrow?" He had his hands over his mouth, but Emmett's eyes were twinkling and his shoulders shaking.

His face completely serious, Jasper deliberately imagined me in one of the many wedding gowns Alice had dressed Rosalie in over the decades. "I guess they should _both_ be in white. The question is, which one should be wearing the dress?"

Unable to control himself any longer, Emmett fell backwards, rolling on the ground as he howled with laughter. Despite being furious with them, I abruptly felt like laughing, but resisted. I knew the reason for the feeling even before Jasper collapsed beside our brother, holding his stomach and shaking with raucous laughter, too.

"Ha, ha. Yes. Very amusing. Let's all laugh at the only guy in the world who has any decency left. Jerks." Growling, I turned my back on them while they continued to feed off of each other's amusement at my expense.

Eventually, gasping and wiping his eyes as if they were capable of shedding tears, Emmett sat up. "Bro! No wonder you're not in any hurry to turn Bella. You don't know what you're missing!" He leered at me and began a vivid run-through of every woman he'd been with before encountering the bear that had ended his life.

"You are _not_ helping, Emmett!" Seeing Jasper recalling his days as a soldier in the Civil War, I groaned, "And neither are you, Jazz! You act like I haven't spent the last century trying _not_ to watch people having sex, including the both of you!"

Trying to regain control of himself, Emmett held back his chuckles long enough to say, "But, Edward, why bother waiting to change her? I mean, you know it's going to happen. Don't you _want_ to be with her?"

Closing my eyes and fighting back a shiver, I sat back down and wrapped my arms loosely around my knees. "You have no idea how much I want her."

"Well, then - ?"

Reading my emotions, Jasper snickered. "I don't think Bella will hurt you, even with her newborn strength. What could you have to be afraid of?"

"Hurting _her."_

"Newborns are tough. Surely you know _that."_

I sighed and clenched my teeth.

"Come on, bro, spit it out," Emmett said. "Something's eating at you. What's stopping you from changing Bella the first chance you get? You know she's not going to change her mind. Get her newborn year out of the way so you can start really enjoying what it means to be a vampire."

I scowled at him.

"Something you've _never_ done."

"No, Emmett, I do not enjoy being a soulless, bloodsucking demon."

He rolled his eyes. "You're lookin' at it the wrong way. You always have."

"And how do you expect me to look at it? We kill for blood!"

"And humans breed and kill cows and pigs just so that they can eat their flesh. How is that any different?" He shrugged. "Yeah, we've all drunk human blood, but so what? It's what vampires _do._ Our family chooses not to, even if we do make the occasional mistake. Or, well, some of us have. But not our brother, the Master of Self-Control here. Oh, no."

I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. Master of Self-Control, indeed.

Jasper raised his eyebrows and said, "Do you think if you were still a human hunter Bella would have fallen for you at all?"

"Assuming I was able to not kill her that first day? I don't know. She doesn't see things the way normal people do."

Groaning, he punched my arm. "Edward Cullen! This is your bachelor party! Do I need to _make_ you stop moping?"

"I think you should, Jazz. I'll hold him down, you blast happiness at him, and maybe, just maybe, Bella will have a smiling groom waiting for her at the altar."

"Naw, I think Bella had the right idea. Let's take him to a strip club. It's not that far from here to Seattle. Make him see what he has to look forward to!"

 _"Gross,_ Jasper! Bella is nothing like those women. It's a good thing I know you're kidding, or I'd take an arm off you for that."

Leaping to his feet, he crouched and waved me toward himself. "I'd like to see you try!"

"Hmph."

Taking pity on me at last, Jasper returned to sit beside me and nudged my shoulder with his. "Listen, Edward. You've just got stage fright. I get that you want her to enjoy the experience, but if you aren't sure how - "

"Jasper," I cut him off coldly, "with all that I have seen over the past century, I don't need pointers on how to have sex. Just because I never have doesn't mean I won't be able to when the time comes."

"Then what's this reluctance for? Your emotions are all over the place. You're excited, happy, scared, and as randy as any teenager I've ever seen."

I shoved him hard, but he just laughed.

Sitting on my other side, Emmett growled, "It's like pulling teeth from you sometimes, Eddie."

"Don't call me that!" I snapped.

Emmett grinned at me, unrepentant.

"Talk to us, Edward," Jasper prompted me. "I know we give you a hard time, but we're your brothers, and that's our job. But you're clearly terrified. Why?"

I sighed. "There's a reason why I'm not turning Bella right away, aside from the fact that I don't want to change her at all."

 _And?_ they both prompted me.

"She - _we_ \- want to have a wedding night like any other couple would," I admitted.

"While she's human? _Before_ you change her? Kinky." Emmett snickered. "And here I thought you were a prude! Hah! You plannin' on biting her _then_ , too? Man, that'd be the ultimate fu-"

I launched myself at him and had him pinned to the ground before he knew that I had moved. "Watch your mouth, Emmett. That's my bride you're talking about."

He chortled and smirked at me over his shoulder. "Look, I just mean, I thought you were planning on waiting to change her. You have sex with her while she's a human, and if your plan _isn't_ to change her right after, or during, how exactly do you expect her to survive?"

Slowly, I released him and sank back to the ground.

"That's why you're scared," Jasper observed. "You're not afraid you'll hurt her; you're afraid you'll kill her."

"Well, duh! If Rosalie wasn't indestructible, I know she wouldn't have survived _our_ first night!"

"Emmett," I groaned, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead.

He blinked innocently. "What?"

I glared at him.

"Bro, I knew her past. Ain't like I was rough. 'Sides, you all blame me, but _she_ was the one who started rippin' the walls down, not me. Well, not at first!"

Jasper started snickering. "Maybe you should've said it's a good thing _you're_ indestructible!"

Emmett's face broke into a wide grin. "Hell yeah, it is!"

"If you two are quite finished..."

"We're just saying what you already know, bro. Bella's fragile. How you haven't killed her yet is beyond me, but what you're planning is just tempting fate."

Sighing and closing my eyes, I mumbled, "It was the only way she would agree to marry me."

Rolling his eyes, Emmett exclaimed, "Wait, wait, wait. This was _her_ idea? How did I not guess _that?" ...little sister either has guts or a death wish... always thought she was brave, but this is pushing things..._

I didn't respond to his thoughts, seeing the sympathetic look in his eyes.

"It's your own fault, you know," Jasper said.

"How do you figure that?" I muttered, throwing a stone out into the water.

"You're the one always insisting that she live her human life to the fullest, telling her all the things she'll miss when she's not human, and never letting her see the good in being what we are."

I glared at him, my eyes wide and incredulous.

"Of course, _you_ don't see the good in what we are, so I guess that's understandable, but even so. You've done everything you can to scare her out of becoming a vampire while acting more human than even Carlisle. It's no wonder she's confused. So, she wants one last experience as a human, while she still feels human emotions. Because you didn't bother to tell her that what she feels for you will be amplified a hundred-fold when she's changed. And you didn't tell her that along with the excessive strength and speed comes enhanced senses, including touch. You've done your best to make her see what she's giving up without telling her what she'll be _getting."_

"Yes, because I don't need her any _more_ eager to die."

"And that's where you're wrong, as you've always been."

I scowled and rummaged among the rocks for another flat stone.

"You'll see." Jasper leaned back to rest on his elbows, watching as Emmett skipped a few more stones across the flat surface of the lake.

Aware that they weren't being obnoxious about it this time, I watched them remember their various relationships. The memories of human women were blurry, and flat, like watching a black and white talkie. The vampire images were bright, vivid, and full of more sensory input than I really wanted, but even so, I knew that what I saw was a pale comparison to what they had experienced at the time.

"Just ask," Jasper invited me, aware of my curiosity.

"I already asked Carlisle what it was like, but he couldn't tell me. He said it wasn't like anything else."

Emmett snorted. "That's because Saint Carlisle has never slipped."

I frowned at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well... I know that you've drunk humans."

I nodded.

"You like lions, though."

I licked my lips, just able to still taste the last one I'd killed. "What's your point?"

"Imagine trying to describe to Carlisle the difference in drinking human blood to drinking deer blood."

Seeing my aghast expression, Jasper shot Emmett a dirty look. "What Emmett means is that Carlisle couldn't describe sex with Esme to you because he's never killed a human."

Emmett shuddered. "Aside from the fact that _I_ wouldn't want any kind of a sex talk that involved our _mother."_

Jasper snorted.

"What? I know you beat a hasty retreat just like the rest of us when they get all - "

"My point," Jasper interrupted, "is that drinking human blood is about the closest thing I can compare to feeling the way sex feels. It's a very great pleasure. What Maria and I were to each other was false, but that didn't change the fact that it was... well, _exciting_. But sex with her was nothing like loving Alice. Still, if it hadn't been for the horror I felt from my victims as I killed them, I would say that the ecstasy from drinking them surpassed even what I feel with her."

"You never really found a singer, though, have you, Jazz?" Emmett leered at him.

He shrugged. "Not that I know of."

"Oh, you'd know it, alright."

I shivered at the memory of Bella's taste.

"Yup, see? Eddie knows."

"Bite me, Em."

"Hey, Mister Hundred Year Old Virgin, you're the one who wanted to know what sex was like." His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose, grateful that, at the very least, I would not have to hear Emmett calling me that again after Bella and I were married.

"You know, it's a good thing he's taking her to an island with reefs. Maybe while they're there, he can teach her about finding Nemo."

"I dunno, man. I think she'll probably need to teach him!"

"You two are such children. _Honestly_."

"I'm sorry, Eddie, I just can't believe our little brother is finally going to say yoohoo to the hoohoo."

"Is that some kind of owl? I didn't know he liked bird watching."

"I hear swans are his favorite."

I huffed and shook my head.

"Oh, yeah, he does like watching the chicks, _apparently."_

"Well, I don't think there are any swans on Isle Esme."

"Not yet, but there will be!"

Glaring at them while they snickered, I said, "Tease me all you want; I'm not ashamed of the fact that I didn't rut around when I was a human, nor that I didn't give in to Tanya and her sisters. What Bella and I have is special, and will be all the more wonderful for the fact that we'll get to experience a first together. I've done and seen so much in my century that she hasn't, that the chances to have any firsts with her will be few and far between. And _this_ one will be glorious."

Jasper chuckled. "You have no idea."

"If it's anything even remotely like what tasting her blood was like, then I'd say I do."

"I said it was the only thing I could compare it to, not that the experiences were the same."

"Mmm," Emmett moaned. "Yeah, sex is great." _...wish Rose was here..._

Having no desire to yet again watch him remember having sex with my sister, I stood up, saying, "Okay! I think I'm thirsty again. Anyone want to see if we can find a grizzly this time?"

"Hell, yeah! Black bears are good, but they're no grizzlies." Emmett's grin exposed all of his glistening teeth.

I took off at a sprint before the others had even risen from the ground. I called over my shoulder as I ran, "Last one to the top of Mount Olympus gets the skinny ones!"


	8. The Big Day

**The Big Day**

Alice had given Jasper instructions not to allow me back to the house until the afternoon. She didn't want to take any chances that I would catch an early glimpse of Bella on our wedding day. I had a feeling that she also knew what a bundle of nerves I would be, and that even my mother would have gotten irritated with me being underfoot.

As per her instructions, Jasper and Emmett kept me occupied in the mountains for the better part of the day. I worked off some of my nervous energy tussling with my brothers and hunting down a couple of elk and yet another lion. Glimpsing my eyes in their minds, I didn't think they'd ever been such a light gold. Rubbing my stomach and rather regretting that last lion, I also thought I'd never been quite so full.

Though we'd run into the mountains, we couldn't exactly stroll up to the house with all of the people who were supposed to be there. We picked up Emmett's jeep from where he'd stashed it and drove the last few miles back home.

Once parked, I leapt out of the back only to find Emmett's hands on my arms as my entire body leaned toward the sound of my Bella's heart. My muscles were quivering with the need to run to her. Alice had filled the house with orange blossoms, lilacs, roses, and, of course, freesia. The flower that smelled so similar to my bride was as nothing when compared with her rich scent, and I could still detect where she had walked up the steps and into the house early that morning.

"Patience, lover-boy," Jasper chuckled. "You're a mess, and Alice will never forgive me if, after all her work to make this wedding perfect, the groom still had twigs in his hair."

Running my hands through my hair, I discovered he wasn't kidding. Though I usually preferred to eat neatly, there was something immensely satisfying about giving myself over to the hunt, especially when defending my prey from my brothers or, better yet, stealing theirs from them. Our last tussle had knocked down half a dozen trees, and I still wore the evidence of their destruction. Grinning at them, I made my way to the stairs on the side of the house where I could get into my room with the fewest witnesses, ignoring the few glances that were thrown my way by those humans who did see me.

 _...been some wild bachelor party..._

Catching the thought of some human, I chuckled to myself. They had no idea.

Even at the graduation party Alice had thrown a few months earlier, our house had never been so full of people as it would be that night. In and about the house, there were already caterers and the band. None of them mattered. Their voices, both physical and mental, the sounds of their pulses and breathing, the banging from the band setting up their stage, and the clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen, those sounds barely even registered. All I could truly hear was the distinctive sound of Bella's heart, running slightly faster than normal.

I guessed she was nervous.

When I opened the door to our house, I winced and shuddered from the smells which assaulted me. I had always hated the smell of human food cooking. It was revolting: the peppers and spices that should have smelled pleasing took on a nasty scorched tint from being heated, and the vegetables turned from their natural state of crisp sweetness into mush during cooking or were disguised under some other false flavoring.

And worse still were the animal products. _Yuck._ From their meats to the cheeses, the things humans turned animals into were horrifying to my sensitive nose. I supposed they might feel the same way about drinking blood, but at least I didn't drag fully grown grizzlies into _their_ houses to dine on!

More terrible than any of those smells were the drinks. I had wanted to yell at my mother when I found out that they were planning on serving alcohol at our wedding. I despised the foul stuff, but a champagne toast was traditional, even if technically the bride and groom were underage. Esme assured me that Bella would be served sparkling grape juice, which I could choose to have as well, or else stick to water. Though I would have preferred to pretend to sip on water, I reluctantly agreed that the grape juice would be more in character, and resigned myself to the false, plastic taste I'd have to endure.

Although I had no desire to eat them, fruits in their natural state smelled pleasant. What the humans did to them during processing, I wasn't sure, but they ruined their food in my opinion. At least Bella's scent would not be marred by the stench of alcohol.

Stripping out of my ruined clothes, I stepped into the hot shower and scrubbed myself clean. Despite how nervous I felt, I took my time, cleaning the dirt from the animals' graves out from under my nails and making sure that all traces of blood, fur, and dirt were gone from my hair and skin. I had a towel wrapped around my waist and was trying to tame my hair by the time Carlisle found me. He was in a pair of khakis and a casual shirt, rather than the tux I had expected.

"Do not bother getting ready just yet, Edward. The wedding will not start for a few more hours. Esme needs some help with the seating, Alice wants the yard filled with the flowers she did not use in the living room, and the band's stage needs to be reassembled."

I groaned, unable to believe how long a few hours could seem to an immortal.

Correctly interpreting my frustration, he laughed and poked at my shoulder. "You have waited a century already. A few more hours will not kill you."

"Are you sure about that? Because I don't think my heart can take the wait," I said as I placed a hand on my chest. "Oh. Oh, _no_. Carlisle! I think the wait has killed me already. I can't feel my heart beating!" Staggering backwards, I toppled over to lay on the floor with my eyes closed and my tongue sticking out.

Seeing myself in his mind, I knew he was watching me, but when he didn't respond, I peeked an eye open to find his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed tight together with sour amusement.

"You're no fun," I muttered, standing again.

He finally laughed and shook his head. "Get dressed and meet me outside. Time will pass faster if you are occupied."

Giving up on my hair, I threw on some clothes and joined my brothers outside, where they were trying to compensate for the uneven ground. The band had started to set up too close to the tree line, and some of the tree-sized roots were getting in the way of the stage. The humans had gone back to their truck to retrieve some tools to dismantle it, and were grumbling about the amount of time it would take them to do so.

"No one's looking," I advised them, and Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and I quickly lifted the entire thing, shifting the stage over a few feet farther from the trees.

We made an excuse for the stage's new location when they came back, pointing out that the biggest roots had already been avoided. The band members glanced at Emmett's bulging arm muscles as he strolled across the lawn holding a stack of chairs and decided they should start adding some gym time to their schedules. When they returned to the task of setting up, I snickered at their slightly dazed expressions. Most humans were so easy to divert with lies when the truth made no sense.

As it got closer to the time for the ceremony to start, Jasper disappeared to pick up Renée and Phil, and Charlie arrived shortly after with Angela Weber's father, who was serving as our minister. Soon, the other guests would begin trickling in, and my long wait would be over.

It was difficult to focus on the task at hand. My mind wanted to peek in on my sister's room, to where I knew my Bella was patiently submitting to Alice's overzealous fashion sense. Unwilling to ruin the day for myself like that, I concentrated on hanging the flowers, arranging the tables and chairs, and following Esme's instructions for placing the decorations about the yard.

I had to hand it to Alice: she really knew how to plan a party. My brothers had spent the previous day building a wide dance floor, and there was a spacious seating area with more than enough tables and chairs for the guests to sit and mingle. The trees were hung with flowers and twinkling lights, and the stage and tables held candles along with more of the flowers in vases. Once the sun set, the whole area would still be brightly lit.

Following the sound of music, I discovered my sister seated at my piano. Despite the fact that I had asked Rosalie to play at our wedding, I felt a low rumble in my chest. That was _my_ piano! Shaking my head, I was forced to laugh at myself. How often had I been reminded how possessive vampires were? Especially since on this day I would be making Bella officially _mine,_ those feelings were apparently in full force. Fighting them back, I strolled over to listen to my sister play. Before long, I found myself bouncing on the balls of my feet, chattering at Rosalie as she ran through the songs and double checked the instrument's tuning.

"I've _got_ it, Edward!" Rosalie repeated for the fourth time. "I could play the songs in my sleep. Now will you please stop dancing behind me?"

"You don't sleep, Rose! And I'm not _dancing._ I'm only moving so I can see what you're doing better. Just let me hear you play it again; there's a place at the fifty-seventh line where you're supposed to change the tempo, but it didn't sound quite right. I think you switched a measure too early and - "

 _"Carlisle!_ Come get your son before Bella finds herself without a groom."

"Alright, Edward. Leave your sister alone. I think it is close enough to time now. Go get ready." Taking pity on my sister, Carlisle wrapped an arm around my shoulder, steering me toward my room while she stuck her tongue out at my retreating back. Glancing over my shoulder, I wrinkled my nose, but resisted returning the gesture.

In my bathroom and fighting my unruly hair once more, I had to laugh. "You know, Carlisle, I know that my mother had a lot on her mind during my final human days, what with everyone around us dying from the flu, but I do wish she'd taken the time to give me a haircut."

As if it knew how important the day was to me, my hair had taken on a life of its own and seemed determined to ruin all of Alice's plans for a perfect ceremony. I wet it and ran a brush through it once more, trying to keep from looking like a ruffian. Every time I managed to get one side to lay smooth, the other would stick up again, or flop into my face, or just poke out all over the place.

"If I had realized how much trouble it would give you over the years, I might have tried to do something about it when it was still possible to do so. Of course, you fought me so hard during your change that I probably would have ended up needing to shave your head completely if I had tried."

His mind conjured an image of me, mostly bald but for tufts of hair sticking up here and there, and I burst out laughing. "You may be skilled with a scalpel, Carlisle, but a barber you are not!"

"Too bad pomade is not still in style," Carlisle said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"No it bloody well isn't! Ugh, I hated that stuff and you know it. I smelled like bear fat for an entire decade."

Poking his head into my room, Emmett snorted. "You wish you smelled that good. It was more like rancid dog meat, if you ask me."

"Nobody asked you, Em." Giving in and using a tiny dollop of gel, I finally got my hair to behave.

Of course, my brother took this as his cue to rub his knuckles against my scalp. Seeing his plan, I ducked away at the last second and grabbed his arm. Not one to be so easily deterred, he twisted his captured arm in my grip so that we held each other. His free arm wove back and forth, looking for an opening. I held mine at the ready, mirroring the motions of his waving arm with my own, determined not to give him that opening. Pushing and pulling against each other with the arms we held, he laughed as we circled around each other.

"I don't have to touch you to mess your hair, you know!" He imagined himself propelling me through the wall.

"I wouldn't if I were you. The humans _might_ notice if you start busting the walls down." Growling playfully at him, I raised an eyebrow, my eyes never leaving his weaving hand.

"You're right, I guess." _You should save tearing apart the walls for later tonight!_ Laughing loudly, he lunged at me. I tried to duck away, but his hold on my arm, and his wider reach let him get in a good swipe at my head.

Angry this time, I pushed him away from me. "Watch yourself."

He snickered. "Come on, Eddie. It's a good thing you have money in the bank, cause you're going to end up needing to build Esme an entirely new house, and you know it!"

"Don't call me that!"

Carlisle muttered my brother's name in disapproval, but that only earned another round of chuckles from my indefatigable brother. "Perhaps Esme could use some more help setting up downstairs?" Carlisle prompted.

"Nope! She told me to come help my little brother get ready."

"And a fine job you have done, too," he said dryly.

"Why I ever bothered asking you for advice, I'll never know," I muttered, grimacing at the image of myself in their minds. Grabbing a brush, I turned back to the mirror. "Congratulations, Emmett. Mission accomplished. I'm a mess again."

Carlisle fixed my brother with a stern stare. "Now, how about you go get yourself ready?"

He made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. "Spoil sport."

Scowling at the mirror, I couldn't avoid seeing Carlisle's amused smirk after Emmett closed the door behind himself. Carlisle, of course, was impeccable as always. Not a hair was out of place, and he was only missing his tie to complete the picture.

"You really should not let him get under your skin. You know he only calls you Eddie because it annoys you."

"No. He calls me that because he's obnoxious."

"Well, yes, that too."

"You're the coven leader. Can't you do anything about him?" I muttered, frustrated at having to use yet more of the hair product I'd borrowed from Esme. At least it didn't smell as bad as the pomade, but I disliked the greasy feeling that it left on my palms and between my fingers. Even after washing them, my hands still felt as though there were traces of the gel on them.

"What would you suggest? Shall I have him write, 'I will not call my brother _Eddie,'_ a few million times?"

"I don't know. Hit him where it hurts. Restrict him to deer for the next month." I laughed at the idea of Carlisle trying to enforce that rule.

His eyes widened. "You are probably going to be gone for most of that, leaving me to deal with a very irritable, thirsty vampire, and with no repercussions to yourself. Nice."

Snickering, but presentable at last, I shrugged into my shirt and began fastening my cuff-links. "So what's your point? It sounds like a good plan to me."

"If I tried to restrict you or your brothers to deer alone, I have a feeling I would have a mutiny on my hands."

"No. They love you too much for that."

His grin faltered, but he kept his thoughts on the image of me preparing for my wedding.

"What?"

"I am very happy for you, Edward. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have longed for this day. Granted, your bride is not what I would ever have imagined, but your heart has chosen well. She will make you proud, I am sure."

Smiling wryly, I spoke in a whisper. "She already does."

I could hear the last of the guests arriving as I finished getting ready. Just knowing that Bella was probably in her gown by that time had me jittery with excitement, and I found my fingers unusually uncooperative as I tried to do my tie.

Carlisle laughed from where he stood beside me, using my mirror to secure his own bow into place. "Do I need to call Jasper in here to calm you down? I have never seen such a jumpy vampire!" He turned me so that I faced him, and his deft fingers tied the bow for me.

"Hah! That's only because you didn't see yourself at _your_ wedding!" Focusing on Carlisle's calm face, I had to force myself not to peek into the room down the hall.

Jasper opened the door a crack and glanced around. Slipping inside, he handed us each a sprig of freesia. "Good, you're ready. The guests are here, and Alice wanted me to tell you to take your places."

I had a feeling Alice had also told him to do as Carlisle had suggested and use his talent to calm me down, or it could have been the fact that the flower I held smelled so like the girl I loved, but I abruptly felt at ease. Though still filled with excitement, I was no longer fighting the temptation to run my fingers through my hair, nor bouncing from foot to foot, nor fiddling with my cuff-links. I buried my nose in the flower and inhaled before attaching it to my coat.

Carlisle strode to my balcony door and held it open for me. "Ready to get married?"

Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths. With my door opened, I could again smell the flowers with which Alice had filled our yard. Sighing at the scent of freesia and lilac mixed together, the memory of Bella's chocolate eyes drove away the last of my nerves. I licked my lips, remembering the taste of hers. My skin tingled, remembering how it felt to have her warmth pressed against me, and I had to fight back a shiver, knowing that in less than an hour, I would be holding my very own wife in my arms.

Opening my eyes again, I looked into my father's and nodded. "You'd better believe it!"

We made our way to the lower floor, taking the stairs from the balcony to the back porch, through the glass doors, and down the hall, until I stood at last in the dining room, gazing through the doorway into the living room.

I had often had cause to be grateful to my psychic sister. Her gift allowed her to see problems and fix them before the rest of us were even aware that they existed. Although I knew that Bella had been apprehensive over the number of guests which were invited, I found it easier to relax my tight hold on my gift with the number of minds in our house - especially as they mostly were thinking of similar things.

Like white noise, the voices blended together into a hum that effectively hid Bella from me. Each mind that I could peer into was looking at the same things: the flowers, the white lace, the satin covered chairs, and the arch, which was woven with flowers and gauze and only needed the small wedding party to complete the picture. From every mind came the overwhelming scent of freesia and lilac, accented with roses and citrus. It was heady, and I found my lids half-closing in pleasure as I smelled and tasted the air from dozens of different minds.

Alice had gone out of her way to keep Bella's dress a secret from me, and I was trying my hardest to do the same thing. Traditionally, I should not see my bride in her dress until she was walking toward me down the aisle. Having so many minds around me meant that, unless I specifically searched for one that was with Bella, I could allow them to blend together and see what _my_ eyes saw.

And what my eyes saw was my own past. It was like the best pieces of every wedding I had witnessed my family having combined into one masterpiece. From the overabundant flowers to the room full of people; from the colorful dresses of the women to the black and white suits of the men; from the family that surrounded us to the friends we would soon be leaving behind; from the minister who would marry us to the flower-covered arch that he waited beneath, I could see a touch of the past century at every turn.

Facing my father, I saw myself in his mind. My eyes were shining with excitement, my lips were curved into an ecstatic grin, and if my heart could beat, it would have been racing. Carlisle tugged on the bow at my neck, straightening it just slightly. I was vaguely aware that there was music playing, but my body was focused on the drum that was setting the tempo. Bella's pulse was echoing in my ears, though I knew her to be upstairs.

"Ready?" Carlisle asked me with a barely contained smile.

There was so much that I wanted to say to him, but I found myself speechless. Had I ever even told Carlisle that I loved him? Surely he knew. I admired and respected the man who had become my father more than anyone else I'd ever met. As perceptive as he was, it couldn't have escaped his notice. I had told Esme how I felt about her many times, but my mother was lovable by nature. It had felt like so much time had passed since he had married her, but now, about to step out to wait on my own bride, it seemed that, not so long ago, our roles had been reversed, and it was I who had stood beside him at his wedding.

I had been angry at Fate for many years. Always alone, even among my family - especially among my family - I had resigned myself to what I was, accepting my solitude as punishment for my sins. Yet I was forced to wonder now if my wait had served some other purpose. Without Carlisle's intervention in my death, I would never have met Bella, and certainly would not now be standing in my house, in a tuxedo with a sprig of freesia pinned to the lapel, about to make the most amazing creature to ever grace the Earth my very own wife.

Perhaps Fate had known what she was doing all along.

Reaching for Carlisle, careful not to crush our flowers, I hugged him tight, trying to say how I felt in the only way I seemed capable of at that moment.

Clapping his hands to my shoulders in return, he said in a low, husky voice, "I know, Edward. I know. It will be alright."

Feeling that he had understood what I hadn't been able to say, I grinned at him and nodded. Releasing him, I turned to face the doorway, hesitating for the briefest of seconds, purely to savor the moment. The music swelled with Rosalie's characteristic embellishments, and I took a step toward the altar to await my blushing bride, my Bella.

The crowd was a sea of faces. Right up front was Esme, with my brothers on either side of her. Emmett wore a mischievous grin, and I studiously tried to avoid hearing what I was certain his mind was thinking. Jasper, however, was basking in the emotional climate. His face was shining, reflecting the joy that he could feel pouring off of me. Meeting his eyes, I returned his grin with a brief flash of my teeth.

Bella's mother sat in the front row on the other side of the aisle. Renée's eyes were streaming with tears, which she kept blotting with a handkerchief in an attempt not to mess her eye make-up. Beside her was Bella's step-father Phil, still sporting a cast on his leg from a baseball coaching accident.

Here and there among the crowd were faces that stood out. Angela Weber was seated between her boyfriend Ben, and one of Bella's other friends, Jessica. Beside the petty girl was the horrid human boy whom I had disliked for so long. Deliberately meeting Mike Newton's eyes, it was all I could do not to show my teeth to him. He had once believed that he could make Bella his. Indeed, he had not stopped trying to do just that, even after had I told him of our engagement. He was holding Jessica's hand - much to her delight - and I wasn't sure whether to be happy for them or not. Both humans were superficial and self-absorbed, and I supposed they deserved each other. I hated to think of them inflicting their behavior on some other unsuspecting humans.

My opinion of them solidified when Jessica leaned over to whisper into Angela's ear, "So, um, d'you think Bella's gonna be showing?"

"Jess! She is not _pregnant,"_ Angela whispered back.

Esme nudged Emmett in the ribs hard as he nearly doubled over laughing.

"Okay," the petty girl mockingly agreed. "Who else gets married at eighteen?"

My shoulders shook slightly with laughter. Someday, when Bella could appreciate the humor, I'd have to tell her she'd been right - as she always was.

Recognizing several teachers from the school as well, I continued to glance around, distracting myself from searching for the one face I truly wanted to see. A few of the guests I only knew through Carlisle, as Alice had invited several of his closer colleagues and their families. Tanya was having a conversation with the human doctor whom she had chosen to sit beside, and I caught the amusement in her mind at the way he was stammering like a school-boy, despite being a successful surgeon. On her other side were Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar. The only cousin missing was Irina, but I would have been shocked if she had changed her mind and decided to join us, after all.

Catching an odd whiff of death among the very fragrant flowers, I was unsurprised to meet Billy Black's eyes. The old chief was seated next to a woman from the reservation whom I was unfamiliar with, but the boy on her other side gave me a huge grin and a wave when I met his eyes. Seth Clearwater was the source of the death smell, but given my friendship with the young werewolf, I decided that I didn't mind. He too was exposed to a smell he found unpleasant, but he ignored the way we smelled to him, just as my family was ignoring the way he smelled to us. I nodded back to him, pleased that he'd been able to come.

I wasn't sure that I could take much more waiting. Although I doubted I'd stood in front of the audience for more than a minute or two, it felt like hours already. The song Rosalie was playing shifted into the traditional wedding march, and I clasped my hands behind my back to hold myself still. My eyes instantly fixed on the top of the stairs where I knew my bride would soon be making her appearance.

I heard Bella's heart more clearly, and Alice's voice floated down to my ears. "It's my turn. Count to five and follow me."

Her head held high, her spiky hair tamed into curls that framed her pixie face, and her hands curled around a small bouquet of lilacs and freesia, Alice's excitement was palpable as she pranced down the stairs. My eyes met hers only briefly before they returned to the doorway at the top of the stairs where they'd been locked. As soon as Alice took her position on the opposite side of the arch from Carlisle, Rosalie bridged into the fanfare that announced the bride. As one, the audience stood and turned to face the wide, sweeping stairway.

Bella's heart stumbled and broke into a sprint. I inhaled, but couldn't detect anything of her over the scent of the flowers in the room. Holding myself as still as a statue to control my nervous excitement, it was all I could do not to sprint up the stairs to carry her to the altar myself.

The ringing notes that Rosalie was bringing forth from my piano were those of Wagner's Wedding March. Flamboyant as always, she couldn't resist personalizing the traditional song with a few of her own embellishments. I couldn't hold back the small chuckle hearing her play gave to me; usually our roles were reversed, and I was the one playing at her wedding! Although the song was amplified by hearing it through the ears of the waiting crowd as well as my own, nothing could stop me from hearing Bella's lovely voice whisper, "Don't let me fall, Dad," and I had to press my lips together hard to avoid laughing again.

At last, my eyes were filled with a sight that I knew I would remember for the rest of eternity: my Bella, dressed in white, holding tightly to the arm of her father, her eyes cast demurely down as she slowly descended the stairs. I felt my jaw drop in awe. An angel appearing directly from Heaven could not have looked more lovely than Bella did in that moment. Usually, though she never hid the natural beauty of her clear skin under garish make-up, her baggy clothes would hide the fullness of her curves, and her hair would cascade over her shoulders in casual disarray.

Not today.

Except for a strand that hung on either side of her face, my bride's hair was carefully coiled, twisted, and braided, leaving her neckline exposed. The rich chestnut frame was a startling contrast to the white dress and gauzy veil that flowed down her back. I was very glad that Alice had not opted to hide Bella's face behind the veil, even if I would have enjoyed lifting it, unwrapping her like the gift to me that she was. The gown was a shimmery satin that hugged her body, showing off the smooth lines and curves of her figure.

Although I didn't much care for make-up, Alice's skills had enhanced Bella's creamy beauty more than I would have thought possible. Alice had brought out the rich chocolate of Bella's eyes with a smoky shadow that gave her an air of maturity which her youthful face normally lacked. She didn't look up until she reached the bottom of the stairs, and I managed to get my mouth closed in time not to be seen gaping at her, slack-jawed. Her blood rushed up to swirl under her skin, adding a hint of rosy blush to the soft cream.

The eyes I loved to stare into searched the room, and a look of surprise crossed her face. I guessed that Alice had wanted to save a few surprises for Bella, just as she had done for me. They swept the room once before settling on me. She looked like a frightened deer, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation, but the instant our eyes met, her entire demeanor changed. She had seemed stiff and scared as she clung to Charlie's arm during her walk down the stairs. Now, meeting my eyes, her body softened and the scared look melted away. I was certain that my love for her was shining in my eyes, just as hers was for me. Unable to help myself, I grinned at her and was rewarded with an answering upward curve of her sweet lips. She still looked ready to bolt, but I was sure it would have been straight into my arms if she had. Our bodies leaned toward each other and without needing Charlie's guidance, she floated down the aisle.

From dozens of angles, I watched my blushing bride walk toward me. The wedding dress which Alice had chosen had been made for Bella exactly, but I knew that it had also been made with me in mind. It was nothing like the low-cut, revealing dresses that many modern brides chose. Bella looked like she belonged to a different era - _my_ era. Tearing my eyes away from her when she reached me at last, I met Charlie's gaze.

His face held a look of surprise as he took in mine and Bella's expressions. He held my eyes for a moment, and his thoughts would have been plain enough, even without my gift.

 _...really does love her... don't mess this up, kid... that's my baby girl you're taking from me..._

Slowly, I unclasped my hands from behind my back and held one out to him. I tried to reassure him with my eyes that I knew what an honor he was bestowing upon me by placing her in my care.

Looking back to his daughter, he leaned close to her to place a kiss on her cheek. Her eyes closed as she leaned into him. When he looked back at me, his eyes were moist. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that any father would approve of me for his daughter. Charlie had disliked me from almost the moment that Bella had brought me into her life, and I knew that if he really knew what I was, he would never hand her over to me. Despite my past deeds, despite what I had done to Bella in particular, over the past few months he had become more accepting of me in his daughter's life, although I wouldn't have gone so far as to say he _liked_ me.

Seeing the love we felt for each other, I felt a shifting in his mind. No longer _that boy_ who was stealing his daughter, he seemed to see me as a young man who had given his heart to the young woman who stood between us. Holding himself straight, with all the dignity the occasion warranted, Charlie Swan willingly placed his daughter's hand in mine.

The instant her skin touched mine, I felt a zing sweep through my body. Her warmth and her love were like an electric charge. Although my heart didn't beat, I felt her pulse resonating within me. She was vibrant, and her life-force seemed to reach right inside of me. She said she wanted to be like me, but what she didn't seem to understand was that I wanted to be like her.

Knowing that she would soon become a vampire and that we would be spending eternity together, Bella had requested one specific change in the traditional wedding vows. Rather than till death do us part, she wanted for as long as we both would live. I had felt uneasy about that change until that moment. When it came time for me to say the words, I knew that I could speak them with a clear conscience. Before Bella, I had merely been existing. Her love had brought me back to life.

Only truly conscious of Bella's hand in mine, I was vaguely aware that Mr. Weber was speaking. His words flowed effortlessly, evidence of his long years giving sermons and presiding over other weddings. I knew only that they were binding Bella's life with mine. Hearing the cue, I turned to face her, twining my other hand with hers.

"Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take this man, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as you both shall live?"

My blushing bride stared into my eyes as she gave herself to me, and her melted chocolate eyes filled with tears. Those tears spilled over when she vowed, "I do."

Mr. Weber repeated the question to me, and I knew my eyes would be filled with tears too, if it were only possible. My voice rang out, claiming Bella for my own. "I do."

Following Mr. Weber's prompt, Carlisle gave Bella's ring to me as she took mine from Alice. "The wedding ring is a symbol of a love that never ends, the joining of two hearts as lovers, partners, and friends. Its giving is a promise that the future years will bring a love that will continue like the circle of a ring. Repeat after me..."

I slid the slender gold band onto her finger, where it nestled against the ring which I had already given to her. "I, Edward Cullen, give you, Bella Swan, this ring to wear as a symbol of my eternal love for you. With this ring, I thee wed."

I could feel the warmth of her body in the gold circle she had held in her hand when she slid my own wedding ring onto my finger, repeating the simple words in a whisper that I heard as clearly as if she were shouting them.

When he granted me permission to kiss my bride, I took my hands out of hers so that I could place them against her petal-soft cheeks. Her body leaned toward mine and love shone in her beautiful eyes. I held her face in my hands and paused, just for a second, unable to believe that I could be so lucky. Bella was mine! Slowly leaning down, I pressed my lips against my wife's. Her soft mouth shaped itself around my stone lips, and her body rose to meet me. Winding her arms about my neck, Bella wrapped me in her warm love.

The world faded from my awareness. All I knew was that I was kissing Bella, that she had promised herself to me for eternity, and that I was the luckiest creature to have ever walked the Earth. Her rapid pulse thrummed against me, her scent wrapped around me just as her arms did, and I held Bella Cullen in my arms at last. From the very start, her kisses had been less than careful. Her exuberance now was an expression of her vibrant love, just as it had been in the beginning. She didn't seem to care that the whole world was watching as she kissed me, and neither did I.

Our lips came together and parted, only to meet again. Her breath smelled better than the flowers that filled the room. Acutely aware of how fragile she was, I resisted the urge to pick her up and hold her body against me, opting instead to allow her to press herself to me as tightly as she wished. I could have spent years kissing her under the flowery arch, and it wouldn't have been long enough. She was in no hurry to break the kiss either. I pressed my forehead against hers, slid one hand to the back of her neck briefly so that I could rub our cheeks together, and ran my nose down the length of hers. Seeking her mouth over and over, I breathed her in as I basked in the knowledge that Bella was mine forever. _Mine!_

Eventually, the world intruded on the moment. My brothers were wolf-whistling loudly with their thoughts. Charlie pointedly cleared his throat amidst the giggles of Bella's classmates. Reminding myself that I had the rest of eternity to kiss her, I pulled away from her soft mouth. Her eyes were dancing when they met mine, and I was surprised to see a look of defiance in them. They were fierce and bright and I realized that the fire in her eyes was a possessiveness worthy of any vampire. Her face and eyes had always been the best ways I had to read her, since her mind was silent to me. As clearly as if she spoke the words, I could read what she was thinking: I was hers, just as she belonged to me.

A smile spread across my face. She had seemed to dread the day for so long, had resisted agreeing to marry me for months, and had argued against making our union official, while I had done everything in my power to convince her otherwise. I could see in her face a joy that mirrored my own, and I knew that her protests no longer mattered - not because we were married now, but because she wanted to be and was glad that we were. I nearly laughed aloud. For once, _I_ had been right.


	9. Unsolicited Advice

**Author's Note**

 _Pchelka_ means baby bee, like calling a loved one honey.

 _L'venok_ means young lion, which of course I couldn't resist using!

~L

* * *

 **Unsolicited Advice**

"Congrats, guys." The one werewolf in attendance bounded toward us. Seth Clearwater's youthful face was split by a grin of delight as he greeted me and Bella. Without hesitating, he closed the distance between us, and I could feel the strength of his species in the brief, if exuberant, hug. I returned his gesture with my free arm, as unwilling to let go of Bella as she was to release me.

Identifying the woman beside him as his mother, I ignored Sue Clearwater's obvious fear and disgust. As if I would ever hurt him. Seth had saved both Bella's life and my own only a few months prior. Although he had no qualms about us the way the rest of his pack did, his mother shared the prejudice of her people.

"It's good to see things work out for you, man. I'm happy for you," Seth said sincerely.

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." I released the young man, pleased with his show of affection. Turning to address his mother and the elder man in the wheelchair, I noticed that they had not taken the chance to hug my blushing bride. "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

Billy Black met my eyes with a look of calm resignation. He would far rather have attended Bella's marriage to his own son, but despite all of his efforts, Jacob had been unable to take her from me. "You're welcome," he said simply. He seemed oddly pleased, but his old mind was as strong as Carlisle's and did not give away the reason.

Despite having hugged Bella immediately following Mr. Weber's pronouncement that we were husband and wife, our guests wanted to offer a more lengthy congratulations and were beginning to gather behind Billy, Sue, and Seth. The three made their way toward the tables which were laden with food, and Bella's human friends claimed her next.

Angela and Ben had been accompanied by both of her parents. Catching her mother's anxious thoughts, I didn't think she would be staying much longer. She was worried about Angela's twin brothers. The toddlers were at home with a new sitter, and she wasn't sure the young girl was up to the task of riding herd on the energetic boys. Trying not to squeeze too tightly, I shook Mr. Weber's hand, thanking him profusely for agreeing to marry us.

They were followed by Jessica and Mike. I would have found it mildly amusing that her mental ogling of me was as blatant as his was of Bella, except for the fact that it _was_ Bella that he was eyeing. Meeting his eyes after he leaned in to hug her, I was pleased to see that I could still instill fear in the boy without even trying. A sweat broke out on his forehead, and Jessica pulled her hand out of his suddenly sweaty grasp. I snickered at his back as they walked away.

We had been greeted by werewolf and humans, it was only fitting that vampires were next. Tanya reached for me, rather than embracing my bride. Carmen, Eleazar, and Kate were eyeing Bella in curiosity, but Tanya had eyes only for me. As per usual.

"Ah, Edward. I've missed you." Tanya's voice was a sultry purr in my ear. True to form, the persistent succubus clung to me, completely ignoring the fact that I was clinging to Bella's hand. _...always knew you were a charmer, l'venok, but never would I have guessed you would convince a_ human _to become your wife! ...admit I've dallied with my fair share of humans, but I never thought to marry one..._

Bella's skin warmed as her hand tightened around mine. In contrast to Bella's vibrant warmth, Tanya's cool arms were uncomfortable around my neck, and I slipped a hand between us to place on her shoulder. Using more force than would have been necessary for a human, I pushed her away from me, but laughed to take the sting out of my rejection.

"It's been too long, Tanya. You look well," I said, politely.

I could practically feel her eyes as they roamed all over me. "So do you." _...clean up nice. Always did have a soft spot for a man in a suit... especially a_ married _man..._

Taking the opportunity she provided, I gestured toward Bella. "Let me introduce you to my wife." There was a definite ring of victory in my voice, and I took great pleasure in saying the words at last. _My wife!_

Knowing full well of Tanya's pursuit of me in the past, our cousins laughed at the way I had stressed the word. The sisters all found Bella quite interesting, having never before met a human who knew what we were, yet who wasn't afraid.

 _...kiss her like that without biting her?_

 _...close she is standing to him... quite remarkable._

Eleazar, in particular, found her fascinating. Unlike the others, he _had_ known humans who were aware of what we were, but none of those men and women had been so completely at ease with the vampires of Volterra. Despite being my cousin and knowing he was happily married to his own mate, Eleazar's intense stare would have made me challenge him if I didn't know the reason behind it.

Ignoring their thoughts, I pulled Bella closer against me. "Tanya, this is my Bella."

There was a definite warmth in her mind which I recognized as jealousy as she eyed my blushing bride. Putting her own feelings aside - for the moment - she offered her hand to Bella and spoke politely. "Welcome to the family, Bella. We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I _am_ sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?"

"Of course," Bella said, as I knew that she would. "It's so nice to meet you."

"The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh, Kate?" Tanya turned her grin toward her sister. _...though I don't know that I can limit myself to only_ one _man for eternity ...since you are taken, now, Edward..._ She cast me a look out of the corner of her eyes.

I couldn't help but to smirk back at her. There was more than one reason why I had never been interested in the woman.

 _...as if she would stick to one anyways..._ "Keep the dream alive," Kate responded before turning to my bride. Tanya still clasped Bella's hand, and Kate took it from her, squeezing carefully. "Welcome, Bella."

I nearly laughed aloud as her thoughts mirrored her sister's.

Carmen slid her hand on top of Kate's, leaving Bella's hand in the older woman's grasp. "I'm Carmen, this is Eleazar. We're all so very pleased to finally meet you."

"M-me, too."

Seeing that more people were waiting for our attention, Tanya prompted, "We'll get to know each other later. We'll have _eons_ of time for that!"

I had to shake my head. Tanya was likely going to scandalize some man at the party. I was merely grateful that, for once, it wouldn't be me. Eventually, the guests had all said their congratulations to us, and we took a seat at the tables. Bella and I shared a plate so that I could pretend to eat without having to.

Alice was gloating every time I saw her face in the minds of our guests. Surely this was the grandest wedding any of the people of Forks had ever seen, or would again. The weather was perfect, with the gentle warmth of an evening in August that the Olympic peninsula rarely got to enjoy without a misty rain. The sun had just set behind the trees when the ceremony was over, and by the time we took our seats at the table, twilight had come and gone. The lights I had helped to hang from the trees along with the many burning candles more than made up for the absence of any stars.

I had waited for this day for so long, it was difficult for me to believe it was real - that _she_ was real. Even when needing her hands as she ate, we couldn't keep our bodies apart, and Bella would lean toward me so that our shoulders touched, or her thigh would press against mine, and even, unseen under the table, she slid her foot around mine so that our legs were entwined. My eyes rarely left her lovely face as I memorized every smile, the sound of her voice when she spoke and laughed with our guests, and the way her eyes would shine when they met mine. If it weren't for the images of the party that I got from the minds around us, I may not have seen the reception at all.

Once the guests were finished eating and the caterers had cleared the dishes away, Alice danced up to us.

"Cake time!" she sang.

I wrinkled my nose at her.

 _Oh, no you don't! You can handle one little piece of cake!_

Sighing in resignation, I steered Bella toward the five tiered wedding cake which had been placed upon a table all its own. I placed my hand over hers on the knife as she cut a piece for each of us. Bella's eyes were slightly dazed as I pushed a slice of cake into her mouth, successfully avoiding getting any on her face.

Surely Alice had known how enticing I would find it to actually eat from Bella's hand. Ignoring the thought of what was being placed in my mouth, I watched her wide eyes as she fed me a piece of our wedding cake. It always amused me to see her disbelief when I ate human food, and I took it a step farther, very carefully catching her finger in my mouth so that I might lick off the sticky icing.

Although the experience had been fun, being left with a coating of icing in my mouth was _not._ I couldn't talk for several minutes after as my venom flowed thickly, dissolving the offending foreign substance and clearing my mouth. Already the wad of flour, sugar, egg, oil, and milk sat uncomfortably on my stomach.

I didn't need to wonder if Alice had placed Angela where she did specifically so that Bella's friend would be the one to catch the thrown bouquet. After congratulating Angela and teasing Ben about the two of them being next, I led Bella to a chair placed just off the dance floor. Emmett and Jasper were howling with laughter as they hung onto each other, whispering jokes that they knew I would hear, and the other vampires at the party would as well, but which none of the humans would be able to pick up.

Blushing furiously when I knelt in front of her, Bella obligingly lifted the appropriate leg just high enough to place her foot in my hand. Choosing not to ignore my brothers, but rather to play along - and perhaps even add a bit of fuel to the fire - I slid Bella's dress slowly up her leg to just above her knee, despite the fact that her lacy garter was closer to her ankle. She shivered as I did so, my cold fingers leaving goosebumps from where I had trailed them along her skin. I held her eyes and tried not to laugh at her mortified expression. Leaning close to her, I planted a kiss just above the lacy circle, before taking the garter in between my teeth and easing it off her leg.

The stunt earned us several wolf whistles and rendered my brothers incapable of speech due to their appreciative laughter. Not that that stopped them from _thinking_ things at me, but at least they were not feeding off each other's one-liners. For the moment.

Catching the fact that Mike Newton's eyes were fixed on Bella's exposed leg, I winked at her and aimed the garter directly at his face. By the time he looked back, Bella's shapely legs were hidden again.

The band had played soft music while everyone ate, but had taken a break while we performed our traditional wedding rituals. When they took the stage again, it was time for one ritual I had looked forward to more than the others: my first dance with my very own wife. I pulled my Bella from the chair, tucked her body securely against mine, and twirled her into the middle of the dance floor.

I couldn't stop thinking the words: my blushing bride, my wife, my Bella. _My_ Bella. She allowed me to spin her about the dance floor, staring into my eyes and smiling - actually _smiling_ \- as we danced at our wedding. She clung to me, only needing to place her feet occasionally, as I supported her, twirled her, and dipped her toward the floor. She rarely enjoyed being the center of attention and, at that moment, all eyes were upon us, but she didn't seem to care.

 _...kid really can dance!_

 _...how'd he learn to move like that? No teenagers are s'posedta dance like_ that...

 _...like some kinda movie or somethin'..._

My family was used to hiding from the spotlight, even though Rose liked to have the attention of the males around her. None of us wanted scrutiny. But at that moment, twirling Bella about the dance floor, I thoroughly enjoyed the stares. I wanted them all to see what a beauty I held, how happy she was, and how we were made for each other exactly. In a rare flash of insight, I felt that I understood Rosalie's desire for admiration. I wanted the women to envy Bella, just as I wanted the men to envy me. It wasn't nice, or pretty, but Bella and I belonged to each other, and I wanted the world to know it.

The music slowed, and I slowed my steps to match, taking the opportunity to press my cheek against hers. "Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered into her ear.

Bella's body shook with laughter against mine. "That will take a while to get used to."

"We have a while," I pointed out. We had _eternity._ Wanting to taste her mouth again, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. Our song ended, and a new one began.

 _...dance with my baby girl..._

Aware that Charlie was going to interrupt us, I stopped myself from spinning about the floor with her again. He tapped on my shoulder and cleared his throat.

"Mind if I cut in?"

Reluctantly, I allowed him to take her from me. As they began to sway back and forth, I spied Esme standing to one side of the dance floor. Striding over to my mother, I offered her my hand. "May I have this dance?"

She rewarded me with an exultant smile, and we joined Bella and Charlie on the dance floor. The two of them were rotating in a circle, barely moving from the same spot. I chuckled and twirled my mother as I had my wife, although I didn't hold her body nearly as close as I had held Bella's. I had supported Bella, but Esme and I had danced together many times, and she was light on her feet. I spun her away from me and pulled her back close. She kicked her feet about, matching my steps as we danced circles around Bella and her father.

A new song began, and Carlisle took Charlie's place, dancing with his new daughter-in-law. Charlie blushed as red as I had ever seen Bella blush when Esme turned to him with an expectant smile. He harrumphed and stammered an invitation to dance. Seeing Tanya's attempt to catch my eye, I swiftly moved to my new mother-in-law and invited her onto the dance floor.

"Bella tells me that you've taken some ballroom dance classes."

She giggled and glanced to where Jasper and Alice were indulging in a bit of showing off of their own.

"Yes," she admitted, "but it's been years, and I don't think I'm really up for _that."_ She nodded toward my siblings.

"Don't worry, Renée. My mother taught me well."

"Yes," she agreed thoughtfully. "I could see that."

Holding her very carefully, I took care not to spin her too fast, but she was laughing dizzily by the end of the song. I relinquished her back into the care of her husband, who was thinking how glad he was to still be in a cast and unable to dance had he wanted to. Tanya was still attempting to catch my eye, but I had no desire to dance with her. Bella had been claimed by Charlie's deputy, who was doing an admirable attempt at the waltz. Rosalie and Emmett were trying not to show him up too badly, but my sister was unable to avoid showing off, at least a little bit, and Emmett was always willing to be seen with his mate.

The single slice of cake I had eaten was weighing heavily on my stomach. If I left it there much longer, I would be more than merely uncomfortable. Taking the opportunity while Bella was occupied, I slipped into my house to get rid of it. I was rinsing my mouth out, feeling much better, when I heard my bedroom door open and close. I'd been keeping a mental watch on Bella as she began to dance with Seth, but didn't need to touch the mind of my visitor to know who had entered my room. The sharp bite of ozone and the zing of vinegar and horseradish preceded her into the room.

I left my bathroom to glare at her. Leaning against the door frame with narrowed eyes, I spoke through my teeth. "What do you want, _cousin?_ There is no music to dance to here."

Tanya clasped her hands in front of herself and laughed softly. "Not much. I only wished to speak with you in private."

"Go ahead." I waved a hand at her.

"I couldn't help but to overhear your brothers talking."

Clenching my teeth at what I saw in her mind, I tried to keep my voice steady. "You mean you couldn't help overhearing Emmett loudly and unsubtly making jokes at my expense."

She arched eyebrow. "Is there any truth to them?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business!"

She shrugged, unconcerned. "It isn't. But I know you as well as anyone, and despite what I once led your family to believe," she winked at me with a low, sultry laugh, "we both know that you are... how can I put this... innocent?"

"I am hardly _that."_

"When it comes to the ways of a woman, yes, pchelka, you are _exactly_ that." She reached out to touch her finger to the tip of my nose.

Batting her hand away, I glared at her, furious. "Get. Out."

"Relax, Edward. I am only wanting to help you."

"I don't exactly need any advice on the birds and bees, Tanya. So unless you have anything else to say..."

"Wait, Edward." She put a hand on my arm as I reached for the door, prepared to shove her through it, if necessary. "Your bride is a human, is she not?"

"I'm quite certain that was obvious when you met her. Get to your point."

"I gather that you have a rather special wedding night planned?"

Grinding my teeth, it was all I could do not to yell at Emmett. Did _everyone_ need to know what Bella and I intended?

"I understand why you would speak with your brother, of course," she said, smirking. "As a human, he was the kind of man that I would have liked to get to know, in more ways than one."

"You'd better not let Rosalie hear you say that."

She lifted a shoulder. "He holds no interest for me now. As a rule, vampires - especially _married_ vampires - are not nearly as entertaining as human men. You, of course, were always the exception!" Gliding closer to me, she looked up through lowered lashes, her golden eyes sparkling with mischief.

Trying to hold on to my dignity, I grinned back at her. "Only because I wasn't interested. Had I treated you like every other unattached male you've ever come across, you wouldn't have given me the time of day."

"Unattached or not, very few men have ever spurned my advances!"

"And therein lies your problem," I said with a short laugh.

"The blind cannot lead the blind, Edward. I could have shown you many things."

"Tanya, you know very well that I have already seen what you would have shown me. Where is the mystery in one whose secrets are known to all?"

A look of anger crossed her face. "You needn't insult me. I am not ashamed of what I have done, unlike _some_ I know."

"If you're referring to the fact that I'm a killer, then yes. It shames me that I took human lives to feed myself, but the past is something that I cannot change. And in any event, it is unimportant now."

"On the contrary! It is exactly that which I am here to speak with you about!"

Her eyes met mine, wide and without artifice, for once.

"You have spoken with Emmett, and I assume with Jasper and Carlisle as well, about your wedding night with your human, but you refuse the advice of one of the few creatures on this planet who could actually help you! None of _them_ have experience with humans except for as a human themselves, whereas _I_ \- "

"Tanya," I groaned, rubbing my forehead in frustration. I had spent years seeing the memories of her trysts in her mind, as well as her fantasies about the two of us together. I had no desire to have to witness such things again, and especially not on my wedding day!

She placed a cool hand on my arm and laughed softly. "I am sorry, l'venok. It is who I am, and I cannot change it any more than I could change you."

I jerked my arm away from her. "Will you get on with it? I _do_ have someplace to be."

"Do you wish to take your human's life?" she asked bluntly.

My mouth formed a hard, angry line and a harsh growl rumbled in my chest.

 _You, of all people, know how many human men I have been with..._

My lips curled in distaste. "I wouldn't say I know the exact number."

"You know what I mean!" she snapped, her golden eyes flashing with irritation.

I sighed, resigned to hearing what she insisted on saying.

Her lips twisted to the side in an uncharacteristic expression of sadness. "I wonder if you know how many of their deaths were unintentional?"

Frowning, I slowly shook my head.

"You, who have never been with a woman, have just married your mate, who happens to be a human. I am sure you know, without needing to be told, how dangerous tonight will be for her?"

I nodded once.

"But do you know why?"

I blinked in surprise. Speaking slowly, I said, "Because I could crush her bones with my littlest finger. Because as a vampire, I am so much stronger - "

"No!"

"No? You don't think that I could shatter her bones or - "

"No, no, of course you could break her bones." She gestured, dismissively. "That's not important. Bones can mend."

"Not from the kind of damage that _I_ could do."

"Do you plan on leaving her a human?"

I shook my head.

"Then, as I said, bones can mend. But there are some injuries which vampire venom cannot cure. And, of course, she would still have to be alive for it to work."

In her mind were images of a multitude of men with missing arms, or with their chests caved in, or their heads crushed; of her sisters Kate and Irina weeping beside one bloodless corpse after another; of myself holding Bella's head which was no longer attached to her body, my mouth bloody from where I had torn her throat open, my eyes glowing red with her blood -

"Stop!" I gasped.

 _Edward._ She placed a hand on my arm, but I shoved her away, still reeling from the images in her mind. "Do you see?"

"Yes, damn it! I saw what you were picturing!"

"No, cousin. Do you _understand?_ A vampire can reattach his own limbs, but a human cannot. Even if you turn her, the venom would heal the wound, but would not regrow the limb. And that is not the biggest danger. It took over a century before I was able to be with a human without drinking him. If you drain your human, she will not be able to recover from that, either."

Trembling, I swallowed hard, trying to regain control of myself. I had been perfectly capable of picturing the ways in which I could kill Bella that night. The images she had shown me had hardly been necessary.

"It is not my intention to cause you pain, Edward. Quite the opposite. I am glad you have married your human. Make her your mate. I encourage you to enjoy your wedding night as planned." She flashed a sly smile at me. _And enjoy it you shall._ "But I would very much like for you both to visit us afterward."

"What exactly do you recommend, Tanya?" I whispered. The last thing I wanted to do was to ask _her,_ of all people, for advice, but to ensure that Bella lived, I would do anything.

"I see that you have fed recently, so that is good."

"Yes, last night. As much as I could drink."

She nodded. "Surely you remember how it felt to drink human blood."

"Jasper already made the comparison between - "

"I'm not comparing." She stopped me with a shake of her head.

I didn't realize she had been slowly walking toward me as I backed away until I found my back against the wall, and Tanya's body pressed against mine. I could see in her mind that my eyes were hard and fierce as my lips pulled away from my teeth.

"Shh." She placed a finger against my lips to silence my angry growl. She flexed her knees, moving slightly up and down against me as she said, "I'm saying that sex... feels good."

Rolling my eyes, my voice heavy with sarcasm, I drawled, "Oh, really? I hadn't realized. Thank you, that is _so_ helpful."

"And drinking human blood feels good, too. And your body will remember the experience, and _demand_ it. You will have to want her to live more than your body will want her blood. Never forget, even for a second, that you are a vampire, and that she is _supposed_ to be your prey." She shrugged and turned away, leaving me pressed against the wall as she reached for my door.

"I have never forgotten that. How could I?"

She paused with one hand on the doorknob. "She is why you came to see me a year ago, is she not?"

"She is why I went to Alaska, yes."

Tanya laughed, the sound low and self-satisfied. "I knew it was woman troubles. I said as much at the time, though you denied it, of course. But I knew."

"I went to Alaska because I didn't want to kill her!"

Shaking her head, she argued, "Not so. You visited us because you _did_ want to kill her."

I scowled at her, unable to deny the truth in that statement. "I no longer do."

"You have fought against your nature for nearly your entire life. When you are with her tonight, you will need the strength that you have gained in doing so. You fear that your strength will cause her harm, but the opposite is true. It is your strength that will save her."

I frowned, but didn't answer. That sounded an awful lot like what Carlisle had been trying to tell me.

She returned to where I still stood, pressed against the wall. Laying a hand over my silent heart, she looked into my eyes, and I was surprised to see sorrow in them, rather than the mischief I was accustomed to seeing. "It took me many decades to gain that kind of strength. And it took many failures. But you cannot afford to fail even once."

"I know."

"Ask yourself why you are risking her life in such a way. You don't have to tell me." She winked at me and slowly rolled her lower lip through her teeth, a smile curving the corners of her mouth upwards. "I know the answer already. Let that reason guide you. You are so used to leading with your head." She lowered her voice, mimicking my own. "Edward Cullen. So serious, all the time." She laughed at my expression and her voice returned to its normal sultry purr. "But remember, it is your heart which has led you down this path. And it is your heart which you will need to trust to keep her alive."

She turned away from me once more, walking with slow steps back toward my door. Pausing, Tanya glanced back at me. "That, or turn her first. Then you will both be vampires, and it won't matter." Sending me a last look from the corner of her eye, she left the room, and I let out the breath I'd been holding.

Damn that woman.

Taking a few shaky breaths, I stopped myself just before I ran my hands through my hair. I had never been so relieved to move as when we had moved away from _them._ Though I'd never wanted her, as I had once told Bella, I _was_ a man, and the woman had a millennium of practice in seducing men. As frustrating as I found her to be, I was grateful that, in her way, she had tried to help me. Still, just talking to her had left me feeling unaccountably sullied.

"Yech," I muttered, brushing my hands across my chest and down my arms. I wanted to rid my skin of the feeling of her. Bella was the only woman I wanted pressed against me. Abruptly, I couldn't wait to hold my bride in my arms once again. I strode through my house, moving with slightly more haste than a human would have used.

Looking through the eyes of our guests, I discovered that while I'd been distracted, Seth had given way to _Mike Newton._ I growled too loudly, attracting the notice of a few humans that I was passing, but it was all I could do not to sprint over to him and toss him through the air.

 _...coulda been my girl, but no... had to go for the rich freak... I mean, c'mon... who's he think he's foolin? Jess is right, shotgun weddin' for sure... Sure feels nice in my arms like this, though... wonder if she'd let me -_

He never got the chance to finish that thought as I tapped him on his shoulder, being very careful not to break his bones in doing so. "Excuse me," I said, coldly, giving him the full effect of my vampire anger as I glared into his eyes. "I'd like my wife back, if you don't mind."

"Uh, sure, um, guess I'll ask Jessica..."

I didn't bother listening to the rest of his stammering before I had Bella pulled against my body and was spinning her away from the horrid boy. I couldn't resist a final glare at him over her shoulder where he still stood, gaping at us. Looking back into Bella's beautiful face, I was surprised to see an amused smirk across her lips.

"Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" she teased me.

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse," I glowered, knowing that he was still watching Bella, but resisted the urge to meet his eyes and show him my teeth.

"Yeah, right," Bella mumbled.

Deciding to forget the boy, I concentrated on the woman in my arms. She was flushed, her hair still tightly coiled, but with a few extra strands escaping to more fully frame her face. Staring into her wide eyes, I realized that I had never before appreciated the way make-up, when properly applied, could add to the natural beauty that a woman might have. None of the women I'd seen using the stuff had done so with any skill, but on Bella, Alice had used just enough to draw attention to her wide, chocolate eyes without having the make-up overshadow the feature she was trying to enhance.

The dress clung to her curves, but was not restrictive, allowing her to move freely in my arms. Her joy in the occasion added a twinkle to her dark eyes, and a sweet upward curve to her lips that made me want to taste them again. She was absolutely the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen, and she was _mine._ I pulled her body tighter against me, feeling a fierce possessiveness and a strong desire to leave the party with her that very moment.

I _wanted_ her! And she had no idea. How could she not see how lovely she was? Had Alice even shown her?

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I _am_ disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror." Bella never saw herself clearly. Couldn't my sister have taken just a few moments to show Bella what a beauty she was, especially on this day?

Bella rolled her eyes. "You are very biased, you know."

I sighed in frustration.

 _Silly! I didn't show her because I knew that you would enjoy doing so!_ Alice thought at me as she and Jasper glided past us. She nodded her head toward the reflective windows of the house we were dancing near.

Surprised, I paused our dance and turned Bella so that she faced the house. Staring back at us from the reflective surface of the wide glass windows that stretched from floor to ceiling was a couple unlike any that had existed before. The man had bright, pale yellow eyes, bronze hair that was - for once - still behaving, and not flopping into his face, and pale skin that was only enhanced by the dark tuxedo jacket. I could see his unnatural beauty that was a feature of all vampires, which usually served to hide our inherent evil.

By sharp contrast, the woman beside the man was a vision of loveliness that made my throat constrict and my muscles shiver with desire. A look of surprise crossed her face as she studied the effect Alice's skills had had on her natural beauty. Before that day, I had thought that nothing could compare with her normal, soft perfection, but the Bella who was standing by my side was not an angel. This night, I had married a goddess.

"Biased, am I?" I asked as she studied herself.

 _...be fine!_

 _...make a scene, you will put everyone at the party in danger, including her!_

 _...Stop worrying. You need to trust me._

 _...You've given me no reason to, Jacob!_

"Oh!" Shocked at the identity of the new voices I heard, I stiffened.

 _...I was_ invited _to come, Sam._

 _...sure you can control yourself this time?_

 _...yeah, yeah._

 _...Why you doin' this to yourself, Jake?_

 _...ya know it's only gonna make it hurt worse later..._

 _...Lemme alone! I need to see her. Just... once more._

I grinned at Bella. Pleased for many reasons, some not as gentlemanly as others, but whatever my motives, I knew the result would make Bella happy.

"What is it?"

"A surprise wedding gift."

"Huh?"

Pulling her against me again, I turned away from the wall of glass showing the duplicate of the beauty at my side and spun her across the floor once more, this time toward the edge of the tree line and right out of the decorated party area. I could see her confusion at my destination, but didn't bother taking the time to explain. She'd understand soon enough.

We reached the tree line, and I caught the glow from the reflective eyes of several wolves surrounding the tall figure of a young man.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "This is very... kind of you."

"Kind is my middle name," he responded. "Can I cut in?"

I was glad that I was holding Bella so tightly when I felt myself supporting her full weight as her knees gave away. I'd had no doubt that she would recognize his voice. They had been best friends, and she loved him as such, though his feelings for her had never been platonic.

"Jacob! Jacob!" She was gasping and instantly propelled herself toward the wolf, despite the fact that she could barely stand.

Bella was _my_ wife. She had rejected him over and over again. It was me she wanted and we all knew it. Even so, I wasn't prepared for the flare of jealous anger that possessed me when I heard her voice cry his name.

Not wanting her to fall to the ground and ruin her dress, I guided my wife into the arms of the young man who had nearly won her from me. My teeth were clenched tight against the growls that wanted to come forth, but I had asked him to come, after all. Bella was my wife now, and he was here only as her friend.

"Hey there, Bells."

He pulled Bella's slight body against his muscular frame as her shoulders shook and tears streamed from her eyes. The pain on his face would have been easy enough to read, even if I couldn't peer into his mind. He didn't bother trying to dance with her, but simply held the woman we both loved against his chest as he fought back tears of his own.

Unable to bear watching them together, I took a step toward the dance floor. I thought that she should also be allowed to speak to him without being self-conscious, and didn't think that, with me hovering behind her, she would be able to get the proper good-bye that she needed. That they both needed.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," I mumbled as an excuse to leave. I hesitated only a moment before turning to walk away. She hadn't said anything since crying his name and didn't answer me as I left. My fists were clenched tight against my instinctive need to grab her from his arms. Scanning through the humans' minds, I could tell that their eyes couldn't make out the couple who stood by the trees. We had slipped away unnoticed, and the party continued on, with the guests unaware of the dangerous monsters they were surrounded by.

My family, however, was well aware, and Jasper and Emmett were scowling into the dark night in warning.

 _...wolves better not mess things up._

 _...consider us the monsters, but we've got more control than they do._

 _...sure you should be leaving her with him, Edward?_

I glared at Jasper as I stalked toward him.

Seeing my dark look, he held his hands up. "No, you're right, probably best if you don't hang around. Not unless you want a treaty violation."

"Wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were going for," Emmett muttered. "Did they really have to bring the entire pack here tonight?"

"They're worried about Seth," I said through my teeth. "Sam and Paul have been patrolling all night, just in case."

Emmett scoffed. "In case what? We decided to have our guests for dinner?" _...Paul's that big grey one... never did get the chance to pay him back..._

"There are seven of us, normally," I muttered, keeping my back to the trees and concentrating on my brothers' minds, on not watching the wolf who held my bride. "The Denali's add four more to our total. We outnumber them again, and that makes them uneasy."

Snickering, Emmett glanced over to where Tanya and Kate each had a human's undivided attention. "If they really knew what our cousins were, I doubt they would have let Seth come at all."

Hearing him, Tanya glanced our way and winked at Emmett, and Kate's tinkling laugh had nothing to do with the human who was also laughing. His voice was high pitched and had a slightly hysterical edge to it that made Jasper and Emmett cover their mouths in an attempt to contain their amusement. The Denali sisters had always had that effect on humans.

"The succubus sisters are at it again." I smirked, shaking my head. I'd known they would use the party for their amusement. "Well I'm glad they don't know. It made both Bella and me happy to have him here."

"You'd better be on your guard, Edward." Emmett poked me in my chest. "I know Tanya made her play for you before, but if you remember, she prefers married men to dally with. How many divorces did she cause in Anchorage the year we moved there?"

I snorted. "She's already cornered me. I've never been interested, and she knows it. I think Jasper's the one who should be worried. She's never gone after him, and if he lets her get under his skin, she'll use his emotions against him."

Jasper laughed and punched my shoulder. "Please. There's a reason that she's never used her moves on me. I _know_ what kind of a creature she is. Every time she's near me, I simply make her disgusted with me. Combats the lust she projects easily. Besides, she prefers married _humans,_ not married vampires. The game is no fun when you know you're always going to lose." He grinned across the dance floor, and an image of Alice entered his mind.

Glancing around for myself, I spied Alice staring toward where Jacob held Bella in his arms. She had a look of concentration on her face, trying to see past the blank blur caused by the wolves' interference.

Rosalie chose that moment to glide up to Emmett, linking an arm around his waist. "Mm-hmm. That's why she kept after you, brother dear," she said with a laugh. "There was always the chance - however slight - that you might change your mind. I told her not to waste her time, but _some_ vampires just insist on ignoring the evidence."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you win. Rub it in, why don't you?"

"I told you Edward wasn't involved with Tanya... how many times?"

"Two thousand, five hundred and seventy-three, I think it was, at last count." Emmett shook his head.

Rose smirked, pleased.

I scowled at my brothers. "At least _one_ of my siblings believed me."

"Why should we have?" Emmett protested. "If I hadn't had Rose, and had been in your shoes, I know that _I_ wouldn't have said no!"

Rose's eyes narrowed, but her face otherwise remained expressionless.

"What? I said if I _hadn't_ had you, babe. But I did."

Her lips thinned.

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"It was a compliment! Jeez, Rosalie. You know you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Only someone like you could compete with _those_ sisters..."

Finally giving in to his laughter, Jasper's shoulders shook as he said, "I think you should quit while you're ahead, Em!"

Laughing along with him, I held out my hand to my sister. "Maybe I should give you a minute to think of a way to redeem yourself, Emmett. Rosalie, I believe you owe me a dance?"

Placing her hand in mine and shooting Emmett a look of disdain, she allowed me to pull her onto the dance floor. "I believe it is _you_ who owes _me_ a dance!"

As easy to dance with as Esme had been, Rosalie allowed me to twirl her away from her husband, who stood rubbing his hand across his forehead, groaning.

"You're not really mad at him," I observed.

Her nose wrinkled. "Of course not. But sometimes a show of anger makes things fun. It's much better than really being mad at each other, but we still get to make up."

"Ugh, Rosalie!" I protested. "I get enough of that from Emmett. I don't need it from you, too."

"After all the times you tried to give us marital advice over the years, I think it's only fair. At least you have the benefit of talking with someone who _actually_ has experience being married." She arched an eyebrow, smirking.

Snickering and remembering all of the advice I had handed out over the years, I grabbed her hand and twirled her in circles in front of me fast enough to have made a human dizzy, but she merely laughed and clasped my hand and shoulder again when I stopped propelling her around.

"Advice is one thing, I don't need a visual aid," I muttered.

"No one said you had to look."

"You know that I can't help it!" I scowled at her while she fluttered her eyelashes and put on her sickeningly sweet smile that she used when trying to get under my skin without being caught. I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. "You and Emmett are perfect for each other. Honestly, Rose. I thought you were raised to behave like a lady."

"Listen," she said, her voice losing its teasing laughter and taking on a serious tone. "I know that I haven't always been supportive of your relationship with Bella..."

"No, you haven't," I agreed flatly.

"It's just that it's hard for me." ... _seeing her throw away what I would gladly give anything to have again._

"I know, Rose," I whispered.

"But I know how hard you tried to stop her."

"That's not important, now."

"And why not? Just because you're married, that doesn't change anything! Or does her life mean so little to you?"

I stopped dancing and glared at her, livid.

She sighed and shifted our bodies so that we moved to the music again, though now I was merely going through the motions.

"I only said that because I knew the answer. Her life means more to you than your own. You've proven that."

The glower that held my face relaxed slightly, and I took the lead in the dance, again.

"My point is: don't stop fighting." She laughed, her serious expression giving way to amusement. "Which is the same advice most married couples are given, strange as it may sound."

"I've already agreed to change her, Rose. Would you have me lie? She didn't want this." I glanced around at the party. "She only agreed to marry me because I agreed to change her."

 _...well, not_ only _..._ Emmett snickered from across the dance floor, where he and Jasper still stood near the wolves, just in case.

Rose sighed. "I know. But it looked to me like she had changed her mind. Correct me if I'm wrong," she quirked an eyebrow at me, "but wasn't she smiling and laughing as she danced with you? Hasn't she willingly dance with everyone else here who has asked her? I would say that she has enjoyed herself thoroughly. If you can change her mind once, prove her wrong about getting married, can't you change her mind again?"

I pressed my lips together and frowned, thoughtful. "Bella is stubborn."

She snorted. "So is my brother."


	10. Fight or Flight

**Fight or Flight**

Avoiding watching Bella get ready for the wedding had been difficult enough, and not spying on her while she was in _Jacob's_ arms was stretching my patience to its limits, but I did my best to ignore the couple standing at the tree line while I spun Rosalie about the floor. I indulged my sister in two dances before returning to where Emmett and Jasper stood guard at the edge of the party. By that time, Jacob had had more than enough time alone with my wife - far too long for my comfort level.

However, I didn't want to simply go barging over there to drag Bella away from him. She deserved better than that, as well as the chance to say a full good-bye to him.

I glanced at Jasper and raised an eyebrow, but he simply shrugged.

 _...been pretty calm. She's sad, or more like, melancholic, because there's still a lot of happiness in her. **He's** angry and unhappy, but he hasn't said so to her, in case you weren't listening... though how you could resist..._

"I wasn't listening," I muttered.

Jasper shook his head and rolled his eyes. Emmett's eyes constantly scanned the tree line, catching the glowing eyes of wolf after wolf.

Relaxing my tight hold on my gift, I could hear that the entire pack was present, Seth and Jacob included, though they were the only two in their human forms. I could also see Bella through Jacob's eyes, and hers were still shedding tears. As Jasper had determined, she looked an odd mixture of happy and sad, and I ground my teeth together; she'd been so happy before he showed up.

And I'd _invited_ him here!

No, I had to stop that line of thinking. Surely she was happy to see him, but only sad knowing that it was goodbye.

"You're not supposed to be the one crying, Bella," Jacob told Bella as he wiped tears off of her cheeks.

Her voice was thick with emotion when she responded, "Everyone cries at weddings."

"This is what you want, right?"

She nodded firmly. "Right."

"Then smile."

The smile she gave him was shaky and tremulous, and he laughed softly at her attempt.

Jasper nudged me, attracting my attention. _...humans are noticing us here and you look mad. Go get us drinks, bro, so we blend in better._

Scanning the various humans who were standing about watching the dancers or otherwise mingling, I noticed they all seemed to be holding drinks. Giving a low grunt of annoyance, I skirted the dance floor and grabbed a few glasses of grape juice, nodding and smiling at the guests. Acting human was a part I knew how to play well, and it was especially important right now. I stayed in touch with Jacob's thoughts this time, intent on retrieving Bella as soon as I could.

When I returned to where my brothers stood, we clinked our glasses together and pretended to take a sip.

"A toast!" Emmett cried as he raised his glass in my direction. "To my baby brother, who's finally about to become a man!"

"Emmett," I growled. "Not now."

"When better? When I think of all of the missed opportunities..." He shook his head in mock horror. _"Decades_ worth of jokes and pranks I coulda pulled. It's tragic!"

It occurred to me that I should have been thanking Tanya, rather than being angry with her. I might not like that they had thought I could be so cavalier, but at least I had been spared Emmett's razzing.

"I'm going to try to remember you like this," Jacob said. "Pretend that..."

"That what?" Bella asked sharply. "That I died?"

 _...that you were_ my _bride... that you had chosen me... that you had chosen to live... that when you go to wherever it is he's taking you, you died a natural death... not the one that he's planning..._

"No," he eventually lied. "But I'll see you this way in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that."

Those words made me grimace, because I would forever see the same thing. My bride - _mine_ , not his! - in her wedding dress, on our wedding day, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her before. The desire I felt for her flared, and I had to hold myself still so as not to charge over there and sweep her into my embrace, especially after she stomped on his foot and he laughed, saying, "That's my girl."

"What is it, Jake? Just tell me. You can tell me anything." Her concern for her friend showed in the line between her brows and the way she had her lower lip pulled in between her teeth.

 _...nothing I can say that will change anything now... already married the leech..._ "I - I... I don't have anything to tell you."

"Oh please. Spit it out."

I chuckled at the way she saw everything so clearly, except, somehow, the two of us. She knew he was struggling with something that he didn't want to say.

"It's true. It's not... it's-it's a question. It's something I want _you_ to tell _me."_

Her expression changed to one of surprise. "Ask me."

There was only one thing repeating in his mind. _When?_ When would I do it? When would I kill the girl he loved? Would it be that very night? And why not? It only made sense that it would be. How many hours did she have left? How many minutes?

Coward that he was, he couldn't speak his questions. "I shouldn't. It doesn't matter. I'm just morbidly curious."

 _...doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter... 'cause the end result is the same... He'll kill you, either way... and when he does... I'll kill **him!**_

Knowing the one thing that he would be obsessing over - the one thing he would be afraid to know - she said, "It's not tonight, Jacob," in a soft whisper.

"Oh. Oh." He was gasping, near tears with relief. Gaining control of himself, he finally asked, "When?"

Bella shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know for sure. A week or two, maybe."

There was a flare of victory within his mind, and he snorted. "What's the holdup?"

I could tell by her expression that she was displeased with his tone and didn't bother holding back my smile.

"I just didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain."

My smile faded at her words.

"Easy, Edward," Jasper cautioned me, able to hear them as easily as I could. "Here, you'd better give me that glass before you shatter it."

I barely noticed when he took the drink from me, but was grateful for the feeling of calm that he sent my way. Bella didn't want to spend her honeymoon writhing in pain? Ah, God... Was there any way to prevent that? I wanted her so much, and was aware that Jasper was doing his best to combat my increasing feelings of desire for her, as well as my fear, but the reasons for them remained. I _wanted_ her, and in only a few hours, would be alone with her on our island, where she was expecting a night of love. Perhaps she expected something like the way it was when we kissed, but I knew that it would be so much more.

And so much more dangerous.

"You'd rather spend it how? Playing checkers? Ha, ha."

"Very funny," she snapped, her mouth twisting into an angry line.

I felt a growl in my chest and was aware that Jasper had his hand on my arm now.

"Let him dig his grave, man," Jasper tried to reason with me. "It won't hurt anything if she leaves angry with him, and may make their break easier for her."

Though I nodded, I didn't stop growling.

"Kidding, Bells. But, honestly, I don't see the point. You can't have a real honeymoon with your vampire, so why go through the motions? Call a spade a spade. This isn't the first time you've put this off. That's a _good_ thing, though. Don't be embarrassed about it."

The mutt had no idea. I'd tried to tell him that spring, during the awful night when he'd kept her alive on the mountain. _I_ was the one delaying her change, not Bella. She'd have been a vampire a year ago if I would have let her.

Truly angry now, Bella glared at him, her dark eyes flashing, and her brows knitting together. "I'm not putting anything off. And yes I _can_ have a real honeymoon! I can do anything I want! Butt out!"

 _You... WHAT?! I didn't hear that... no... tell me I didn't hear that right... He's not planning on... She said a week or two... they can't believe she'd_ survive _..._

"What?" he was finally able to gasp out. "What did you say?"

"About what...? Jake? What's wrong?" Bella's eyes were wide and worried now, full of the bewildered confusion which I had seen so often since I had first met her.

The fire that signaled the wolf ran through his bones, and I felt fear shoot through me. If he changed while he _held_ her, he'd kill her! I was afraid to go to her, thinking my very presence would cause his instincts to take over, but I was afraid _not_ to, in case I could move her to safety before he hurt her.

"What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you're still _human?_ Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"

Vaguely aware that both Jasper and Emmett were holding on to me at that point, I heard their worried thoughts trying to advise me to let her work it out on her own.

 _...go over there, it'll only make things worse, bro..._

 _...entire pack guarding him... have a fight with the lot of them if you aren't careful, Edward!_

Bella _always_ drew danger to herself! Even here, at her wedding, a volatile werewolf held her in his hands, moments away from changing forms and harming her... and I didn't dare do anything about it!

Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie were slowly making their way toward the edge of the party to where my brothers were restraining me. Carlisle paused by the band and asked them to play a more lively dance tune, keeping the guests distracted with the party.

 _...can't have a confrontation here, son. Jacob won't hurt her, be patient._

"I said butt out, Jake! This is so not your business. I shouldn't even be talking about this. It's private - "

 _She's NOT kidding! That parasite has her convinced that he won't kill her... I've_ seen _how strong vampires are! ...felt it!... know it first hand! ...so much stronger than she is and still my bones were crushed! How can she think ... how can she let him..._

"Ow, Jake! Let go!"

He'd made her say ow! The Hell he wouldn't hurt her! He just _did!_

"Let me go, Jasper," I said in a low snarl. "Emmett, you too. _Now."_

"And what're you planning? He may not have come here looking for a fight, but I wouldn't put it past him to start one with you; only she'd be the one getting hurt in the middle of it," Emmett pointed out.

Jacob shook my Bella, the force of his motions causing her head to snap back and forth. "Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!"

"Jake - stop!" she protested.

"Lemme _go!"_ I ripped my arms from their grasps and sprinted to her side. It was all I could do not to tear his hands away from her, but Emmett was right; that would only hurt her and endanger her further by me engaging him directly. Stopping just behind her, I snarled, my voice sounding as deadly as I had ever heard myself speak. "Take your hands off her!"

A moment after I appeared, the pack converged on us, all of them growling. Only the fact that my hands were clenched fists at my side kept them from leaping at me. I hadn't touched their brother after all, and he _was_ holding my wife.

To my relief, Seth appeared at Jacob's side. "Jake, bro, back away. You're losing it."

 _What is he thinking?! How could he think that **anything** about that would be okay? That... that... foul... leech...tick... bloodsucking **parasite!**_

I knew only too well the truth in Seth's words as I felt the echo of the fire in Jacob's bones that indicated the change to wolf sweep through him. He was barely holding his wolf form back, and his expression changed as he realized what he was about to do. And what would happen to Bella if he did.

"You'll hurt her," Seth whispered. "Let her go."

He hesitated.

"Now!" I added my own command.

Slowly, Jacob's fingers relaxed their hold on Bella's arms. As soon as he drew them away far enough, I replaced his hands with my own, picking Bella up and moving with all of my speed away from him. It must have seemed to Bella as though she was instantly transported from where she stood in front of him to where I had moved her a few feet away. Waiting only long enough to make sure that she had her balance, I moved to stand in front of her, placing myself between the mutt and my wife.

Two enormous wolves bounded out from the trees to stand between Jacob and myself, and I crouched slightly, half expecting them to advance on me. Seth wrapped his arms around Jacob and tried to pull him toward the trees where the rest of the pack waited.

 _...get him away from the party..._

 _...told him it was a mistake coming here!_

 _...Cullen won't do anything with her there... just make sure Jake keeps his head._

 _...mean gets his head out of his ass..._

 _...I_ mean _get him out of here. He shouldn't change until we're in the woods._

I relaxed slightly, aware that the wolves weren't going to threaten me. They were more concerned with the mutt who was threatening all of our anonymity.

"C'mon Jake," Seth urged. "Let's go."

He wasn't interested in being calmed down, especially now that Bella was no longer in danger from himself. Unable to take his eyes off of me, he was spitting in his rage. "I'll kill you. I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" _...kill you before you can kill her! Do it before they could stop me!_ He trembled, preparing to allow his wolf to take over.

Sam, the leader of the pack - and the biggest - snarled at him.

 _Oh no you won't! You attack him and the other_ ten _will be on us in a second._

Even if he could have understood him, Jacob wasn't listening to his Alpha, and was only seconds away from changing. But now, instead of endangering my Bella, he was endangering his brother, Seth. Little Seth, who was only a kid, who had saved my life and Bella's life, who had been my friend, would be hurt by his brother just as if he were a human. He'd heal, but that wasn't the point.

"Seth, get out of the way," I whispered.

He shook his head and pulled on Jacob, tugging him closer to the trees. "Don't do it Jake. Walk away. C'mon."

Sam used his huge wolf form to add impetus to Jacob's movements, and the two of them were able to get him into the tree line. Once there, Jacob shrugged out of Seth's arms and pushed him several feet away. His body was still quivering as he stalked away from the party and finally gave in to his wolf.

 _You will_ not _go back there, Jacob!_ Sam ordered in a strange voice, using his Alpha powers of command on the angry wolf. Jacob snarled at his leader, but dipped his head in acknowledgement.

One of the wolves still stood between me and Bella, and the pack in the trees.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's alright now, Bella," I assured her, relieved that Jacob would not be returning.

The wolf in front of us narrowed his eyes at me. _...wouldn't go so far as to say that. ...right about one thing, at least. You're gonna end up killing her even if what you're planning on tonight doesn't. If you return from your honeymoon with her in any condition_ **other** _than human, none of us will be able to stop him, next time. You_ **do** _realize that, don't you? We won't even bother to try._

Pressing my lips together, I nodded once.

He coughed a low, derisive huff at me and bounded after his pack.

"Alright," I muttered. Now the entire world knew what we had planned. And they all believed I would kill her. Well, all except for Carlisle and Esme. And, of course, Bella herself. I glanced back at my beloved wife, whose wide eyes still held fear in them. "Let's get back."

"But Jake - "

"Sam has him in hand. He's gone," I said flatly.

Her lips trembled and her eyes filled with shame. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid - "

I cut her off, unwilling to let herself take the blame, or to ever call herself stupid when I knew that she was anything but. "You did nothing wrong - "

"I have such a big mouth!" she interrupted me. "Why would I... I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?"

"Don't worry," I whispered gently, brushing my fingers along her cheek. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence."

She shook her head, glancing back to the brightly lit dance floor. Her eyes held a look of confusion again as she blinked rapidly. "Give me two seconds."

Waiting, I watched her take a few deep breaths with her eyes closed and her expression one of intense concentration. Bella's heartbeat, which had been racing, slowed, and the scent of her adrenaline faded. The calm mask she was able to pull over her features in place once more, she looked into my eyes and swallowed hard.

"My dress?"

Hiding a smile, I assured her, "You look fine. Not a hair out of place."

She breathed deeply a few times more and nodded firmly. "Okay. Let's go."

Relieved to be able to hold her again, I put my arm around her waist and led her back to the dance floor. Pulling her body against mine, I spun us into the crowd of humans. She glanced surreptitiously around. Though she looked unconcerned, that was only for the sake of our guests, and her heart was thumping faster than was normal.

"Are you - " I started.

"I'm fine," she assured me, as she always did. "I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?"

Shaking my head firmly, I refused to allow her to believe for even one second that she was anything but perfect. "There's nothing wrong with _you."_

She pressed her lips together, the edges turning down. "It's over. Let's not think of it again tonight."

The images I had seen that night kept playing in my mind: Tanya showing me the accidentally ruined corpses of the men she'd loved, the bloodless bodies of the men her sisters had loved, the imagined way Bella would look after _our_ night of love. I could see Bella dead in every one of the images that Alice had shown me over the past year and a half and in all of the ways Jacob had imagined. I could remember the images of the victims of the predator I had killed, and pictured Bella in their place far too easily.

"Edward?"

Though I closed my eyes, I couldn't stop the pictures in my mind as I leaned close to her and pressed my forehead against hers. "Jacob is right. What _am_ I thinking?"

"He is _not,"_ she protested, firmly. "Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly."

Rather shocked to hear her censor him in any way, I couldn't answer her right away. Bella saw so much, but when it came to what I was, or to herself, she was blind. My mouth didn't want to form the words to convince her to give up our plans for that night. My body cried out at the thought of _not_ making love to her that night. I wanted her so much, but that only increased her danger - and my fear.

Barely speaking, I muttered, "I _should_ let him kill me for even thinking that I could stop myself from hurting you as I have so many times already..."

"Stop it," she said to my surprise. I hadn't thought she should be able to hear me. She took her hand out of mine and the other off my shoulder. Her warm palms pressed against my cheeks, and I sighed in pleasure from her gentle touch. Opening my eyes, I found her staring at me, her expression determined and fierce. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," I said, unable to resist her.

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise me that you'll let this go."

Looking back into her melted chocolate eyes, I searched for any signs of fear or doubt, and found none. Nodding slightly, I answered, " I promise."

The hard look left her eyes, and she smiled at me once again. "Thank you, Edward. I'm not afraid."

"I am," I admitted.

"Don't be." She didn't take her eyes from mine as she breathed in deeply and smiled. "By the way, I love you."

I couldn't help but to smile at hearing those beautiful words coming from her lips. "That's why we're here."

My big bear of a brother's laughing voice was in my ear as he tapped me on the shoulder. "You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush."

Grateful to Emmett for breaking the tension, I relinquished my bride once more.

Striding across the dance floor, my pixie-faced sister met me halfway and was reaching for my hand even before I offered it to her. "I've danced with my mother, my mother-in-law, and my oldest sister. I think it's about time I took my favorite sister for a spin across the dance floor, don't you?"

Her tinkling laughter was light and teasing. "Definitely. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me, what with all the succubi and werewolves vying for your attention."

I scowled slightly at the mention of the mutt, but tried to do as Bella had said, and put him from my mind. "No. Just saving the best for last."

"Hardly the last. Half the senior class has been waiting for the chance to dance with you. I've seen Jessica Stanley deciding to approach you a dozen times, but you keep asking someone else before she can work up her nerve."

"Good!" I snorted. "The last thing I want to do is have to listen to _her_ mind tonight. Mike's was bad enough."

"Well, you should at least give some of them the chance to see what a catch they missed out on."

Glowering darkly at her, I muttered, "I don't know about that. I doubt any of _them_ would be so willing to overlook the fact that I'm a serial killer who - "

"I'll sic my new sister on you, Edward, I swear I will! Don't let those mutts ruin your wedding day. You are _not_ going to kill Bella! Not tonight, not ever."

"Are you sure of that?" I whispered. "You said you couldn't see... That there were too many possibilities."

She sighed in resignation. _Edward, I'm not about to go prying into your wedding night. I know that Bella's future as a vampire has never been more certain. Whatever you two decide to do once you get to the island will be between you and her, and is none of my business._

"I appreciate your discretion," I said, my voice still a whisper, "but... Can you at least tell me when I change her? _Will_ it be tonight?"

She shook her head firmly. "I don't _know,_ Edward. I know that it happens, but that's all. The details are up to the two of you, and as neither of you are sure when it will be, I can't be."

I nodded slowly, understanding the limitations of her talent.

"You love her, right?"

"More than anything."

"Don't you _want_ to spend eternity with her?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded.

"Then stop worrying! I know it's practically an enhanced vampire trait of yours, but I know you can do it if you try."

Alice's wind chime laughter rang in my ears at my expression.

"Smile, now. This is your wedding day, and Bella is happy. See?"

She glanced over my shoulder to where my wife was dancing with my brother. True to his word, Emmett was making Bella blush, but at least she was laughing at his jokes. It warmed my cold heart to see her happy again, and my mouth twisted into a crooked grin in response.

"Better," Alice nodded, approvingly.

I took a calming breath and hugged Alice tight. No one had a better family than I did. She clung to my shoulders, laughing as I twirled her about the dance floor.

After Jasper claimed Alice back from me, I heard Jessica's resolve to dance with me at least _once,_ and swept the minds for another option. Spying Angela Weber dancing with her boyfriend, I grinned and strode over to where they were swaying back and forth. I laughed aloud as I caught the jealous outrage in Jessica's mind when she saw me dancing with the sweet human girl. Bella caught my eye, and I winked at her amusement over my dancing partner.

Knowing that this would likely be the last time that she would see any of them, I allowed Bella the chance to dance with everyone who wanted to take a turn dancing with the most beautiful woman on the floor. I would claim her again soon enough.

Tanya was flirting outrageously with the surgeon she had sat beside during the ceremony. Deciding to give the poor human a chance to recollect himself, I cut into their dance, though he was rather irritated with me for doing so.

"I'll admit, _cousin,_ I'm surprised you asked me to dance. I thought you were angry with me."

I sighed and agreed, "I was."

"'Was'?"

"I owe you an apology. Or a thank you. Or perhaps both."

Her eyes grew wide. _Surely my ears deceive me! Edward Cullen, apologizing?_

"It has been known to happen. Occasionally."

"What brought this on?"

I nodded toward my siblings on the other side of the dance floor. Emmett leaned in to whisper into Rosalie's ear, drawing her attention to me. They both laughed, seeing who I was dancing with, and Rose smirked at her husband in satisfaction.

Tanya chuckled, her voice sounding nothing like either of my sisters'. The strawberry-blond succubus's low voice held a purr of satisfaction. "You Cullens are an entertaining bunch. I will admit, our house was quite lively with that joker around, but your other brother... he's surprisingly _un_ attractive for a vampire."

Knowing why she found him unattractive, and that it was deliberate on his part, I nearly choked with amusement as she scowled in the direction of where Jasper and Alice were indulging in a bit of acrobatics.

 _Now, **you** on the other hand..._

I saw her intention to step into my embrace closer than was appropriate for either a married man or a cousin and growled at her, "I wouldn't."

 _I know..._

Her golden eyes twinkling with mischief, Tanya moved toward me, but I dropped my arms, turned my back, and walked away. Her laughter followed me as I edged around the dancers to where Bella was dancing with another of our classmates. My blushing bride saw me coming for her, and I didn't even have to interrupt their dance. Her eyes lit up as they met mine, and she seemed to forget her partner. Bella stopped moving with his inept attempts and reached for me. Pulling Bella's warm body against mine, I wrapped my arms around her and vowed not to let anyone else take her from me for the rest of that night.

She laid her head against my chest, where my heart should have been beating for her, and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I could get used to this."

Grinning, I said, "Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?"

"Dancing's not so bad - with you. But I was thinking more of this." She pressed herself against me tighter than I dared to. "Of never having to let you go."

"Never," I promised. With her body pressed against mine and knowing that neither of us had any intentions of dancing with anyone else that night, the need for her that I had been keeping tightly reined in flared up once more. Unable to resist, I leaned down to capture her mouth with mine.

The rest of the party no longer mattered. Bella was my wife, and I had the rest of eternity to try to make her as glad of that fact as I was. Not caring that we stood unmoving in the middle of people who were dancing all around us, I hugged her carefully and tasted the sweetness of her lips. Her heartbeat sped up as I kissed her, and I smelled the change in her hormones as she responded to my touch.

The satin and lace of the dress under my hands was slippery and soft, but it was her skin that I wanted to feel. The tip of her warm tongue traced my lips, and I breathed in sharply. I had fought to tame my hair before the wedding, but when I felt her hands undoing my work, I didn't care. Alice had coiled Bella's hair skillfully, exposing her neck, and I moved to taste my favorite soft spot under her ear. Though we had never been much for public displays while attending school, neither of us were concerned at all with the fact that we stood in the middle of a crowd of almost everyone that we knew. As far as I was concerned, we were the only two people in the world, and we belonged to each other.

Some part of me heard my sister's voice. "Bella! It's time!"

I found my bride's lips again, nowhere near ready to let her go. Her heart rate increased further still as her body temperature rose. Already warm compared with me, her skin became scalding hot. Even through our clothes, the heat was almost painful against my cold skin. Almost. My skin prickled and tingled as I soaked up her warmth, acutely conscious of every place where her body touched mine.

"Do you want to miss your plane?" Alice demanded.

I continued to ignore her, only vaguely aware of what she was talking about.

"I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight." _C'mon, c'mon, Edward! Bella needs to change!_

Annoyed with my sister for interrupting us, I broke our kiss only far enough to mutter, "Go away, Alice." Bella's lips were mine again and she pressed the length of her body against me.

"Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" _It's time for you to leave. Go start your honeymoon already! Besides, Jasper's having a difficult enough time dealing with the emotions you two are broadcasting. You aren't the only couple ready to celebrate this night!_

I didn't know if Bella even heard my sister's spoken words, but she never stopped kissing me.

"I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will." Alice's voice was a low, dangerous growl, the kind that - were she a human hunter - would have meant death to any human unlucky enough to have heard it.

Alice's threat finally penetrated my awareness, and I stopped kissing my Bella. With difficulty, I pulled away from her to glare at my pixie sister. "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

"I didn't pick out the perfect going-away dress to have it wasted," she exclaimed, exasperated with me. Grabbing Bella's hand from where it rested against my neck, she tugged on her, trying to pull my wife away from me and insisted, "Come with me, Bella."

Bella resisted her long enough to press her lips to mine once more. Several of the watching humans chuckled at our enthusiasm and the expression of annoyance on my face as Alice dragged Bella off. Watching Bella walk away from me, I considered reclaiming her. Hadn't I just vowed not to let _anyone_ take her from me? That included my sister! I took a step in their direction with the intention of scooping her up and carrying her into the house myself, but Jasper looped a restraining arm about my neck while Emmett rubbed his knuckles against my scalp.

I didn't really care anymore that Emmett was messing up my hair - Bella had done a thorough job of that already - but I knew that he was doing it now simply because I'd stopped him earlier. Batting Emmett away, I struggled to break Jasper's hold on me.

"Nu-uh, Romeo," Jasper chided me. "Married or not, Alice isn't going to let you see Bella until she's ready, and besides, you need to change too. Go up there now, and you two may never leave. You don't really want to spend your wedding night _here,_ do you?"

My eyes were locked on Bella's slight figure until she disappeared inside. "Fine, fine," I grumbled. Abruptly realizing what leaving the party meant, I felt a fire flash through my veins and my breaths turned into a shallow pant as I breathed in the scent of her that lingered on my lips.

 _Tone it down, Edward!_ Jasper thought, shoving me away from him. _Ugh!_

Chuckling, I shoved him back. "Turn about is fair play, Jazz."

He snorted as I strode away from the party toward the garage where my change of clothes waited. Once out of the tux and into clothes more appropriate for travel, I scanned the garage for our suitcases. Hadn't they been here, earlier? Reaching for my brothers' minds, I snickered as they finished putting the decorations on my Aston Martin. Our luggage was already stowed in the trunk, and the only things missing were the bride and groom. I thought it was high time I corrected that lack.

Carlisle met me as I headed into the house. "Esme and Renee are helping Bella get ready. I'm sure they'll be down in a moment."

I nodded, but didn't slow my steps. If they were that close to finished, I saw no reason why I couldn't wait in her company.

He blocked the staircase with a look of amusement, suggesting firmly, "Why don't you wait down here?"

Guessing that Alice had foreseen my intentions and asked him to intervene, I narrowed my eyes at him and wondered how determined he was to humor her. When he didn't move, I threw my hands into the air, muttering, "Fine."

He chuckled at me and leaned against the railing, watching as I shoved my hands into my pockets and began to pace. "You will be fine, Edward."

I glanced at him, saw his gentle smile, and knew that he was correctly interpreting my nervous energy.

"And so will she," he insisted.

I took a shaky breath and continued to pace.

 _I want you to remember something for me._

"What's that?"

 _You love her._

I snorted. "As if I could ever forget."

He chuckled again. _She is your wife, your mate, and she loves you, too._

"I know."

 _Remember how many times and in how many ways you have saved her life._

"You mean how many times I've _endangered_ her life."

"No. I said what I meant. That she is your singer isn't your fault. James, Laurent, Victoria, and her army - they weren't your fault. You have drunk her blood and therefore she is still alive to marry you. God has sent many threats her way, and I believe that he did so for a purpose. I also believe that you have saved her from every one of them for a reason."

"Which is?"

He shrugged. "Who can know?" _Perhaps the reason is this very night which you have planned. So that you will be capable of loving her without killing her. Would you have been capable of that before James?_

My mouth flooded with venom as I recalled her taste with perfect clarity, but though I could hear the enticing sound of her fluttering heart, I had no desire to go upstairs to drink her blood. "You can't truly believe that God wants her to be a vampire."

 _And why not? Do you believe that anything happens without His blessing?_

I thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to answer him before lifting a shoulder and repeating his words to him. "Who can know?"

He grinned. "Exactly. We can only try and do the best with what we are given. And she has given you her love."

And tonight she would give me her body.

Struggling to control myself, I waited at the foot of the stairs while our guests gathered around me and on the porch to see us off. My eyes were locked on the top of the stairs just as they had been when I'd waited at the altar. When she finally appeared, I gasped in delight. If I hadn't already seen her in her wedding dress, I would have thought I'd never seen her look more lovely than she did in that moment.

Knowing how I loved the color on her, Alice had indeed dressed Bella in the perfect going-away outfit. The dress was a deep blue that set off the cream and roses of her fair skin beautifully. They had taken her hair out of the tight braids and coils, and her long, chestnut mane hung in rippling waves down her back.

As soon as I saw her, I reached my hand out to her, aching to have her in my arms once more. Bella took my hand with a brilliant smile, but her eyes scanned the waiting crowd.

"Dad?"

I searched the crowd with my mind, finding Charlie standing away from the prying eyes of our guests. "Over here," I murmured, pulling her toward her father. He was struggling to control himself just as I had been, only for a very different reason. He didn't want to say even a temporary goodbye to his little girl, but this was more of a goodbye than he realized, as it might be the last time that he would ever see her.

Bella let go of my hand to wrap her arms around her father, squeezing him as tightly as she could. I saw the moisture on her face, and knew that she was as aware of the truth as I was. I kept my face expressionless, not giving in to the sadness that I felt at taking her away from her life. She had chosen me, and she had chosen to become a vampire, and that meant leaving her human life behind.

Of course, if I could refrain from being forced to change her this night, and we returned - as Esme had suggested - to live for a few months in the cabin they had been preparing, then she _would_ be able to see him again. My resolve to keep her safe strengthened, and I vowed that, no matter how strongly I wanted her or how much my body needed hers, I would _not_ hurt her. Carlisle was right. This night was about Bella, and it was up to me to be strong enough to keep her alive. I caught his eyes and nodded to him, knowing he would understand, as he always had.

"I love you forever, Dad," Bella whispered to Charlie. "Don't forget that."

"You, too, Bells. Always have, always will." In a rare display of affection, he kissed her cheek at the same time as she kissed his. "Call me."

"Soon." She nodded.

"Go on then. Don't want to be late."

We reached for each other again, and I asked, "Are you ready?"

"I am," she said firmly in response to every meaning that question contained.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, I pulled Bella close for a quick kiss before leading her through the crowd. Rice was thrown at us from every direction, and I shielded her from the storm as best as I could as I helped her into the car. My brothers had decorated the Aston Martin as thoroughly as Alice would have. There were flowers and ribbons tied to the mirrors, handles, and vents. Shoes and yet more ribbons hung from the spoiler over the bumper. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind as we drove down the road that this car's occupants were newly married.

As I pulled away from the house, Bella rolled down her window and leaned out to call, "I love you!" back to the family and friends we were leaving behind.

We reached the end of the three-mile long driveway, which was strung with ribbons and lit with more of the twinkling lights, and I squeezed her hand in mine. "I love you."

Bella leaned against me and repeated my words from earlier that evening to me. "That's why we're here."

Chuckling softly, I kissed the top of her head before I pulled onto the highway and shoved the pedal to the floor. The Aston Martin jumped forward, responding instantly to my command, and I sped with my new wife down the highway that led to Seattle. Unable to hold back my ecstatic grin, I ignored the plaintive cry of Jacob's wolf howl that rang through the otherwise still night. He didn't matter anymore. He wasn't a threat to us or our happiness together, and his pessimism would be proven wrong. If Carlisle was right, God Himself had brought her to me, and Bella and I were _meant_ to be together.

Although I was certain that Bella could hear him, she did as she had asked me to do and ignored Jacob, too.

Hesitating only briefly before leaving my favorite car in the dubious security of the airport garage, I wheeled our luggage through the skybridges that led to the terminal for our flight. I kept Bella's hand clasped firmly in mine, easily steering the luggage cart through the various barriers and milling humans. Every time I glanced at her, she had a look of curiosity on her face, but she refrained from asking me any questions until we actually reached the gate.

"Houston?" Her eyebrow arched, and her mouth twisted doubtfully. Her expression made her thoughts apparent to me: What could there be in Houston that had been such a big secret?

Pleased at being able to keep my secret, I assured her that would not be our final destination.

Once we were seated in our wide, comfortable, first class seats, I put my arm around her shoulders and hugged Bella against me. We linked our hands together, and I played with the rings on her finger, waiting patiently for the flight to take off. Occasionally kissing the rings or brushing my lips against her temple, I caught the amused thoughts of several passengers and was delighted at how obvious it was to them that we were newlyweds. Stroking her hair away from her face, I watched her eyes drift shut as the plane climbed into the air.

The view out the window didn't interest me, and I declined the several offers from the stewardess to bring me a drink. I didn't bother answering with anything other than a cold glare the fourth time she made the offer. That it was no beverage she was offering me was obvious, even without my gift, and I was more than annoyed. Did the woman not even see the girl I was holding, or the rings on our fingers? After the persistent woman finally left me alone, I spent the flight gazing at Bella's face, as enraptured by her slight smiles and sighs as I had been the very first night when I had climbed through her window to spy on her.

When we arrived in Houston, I waited to allow the other passengers to disembark before waking Bella. Only the knowledge that striding through the airport with the sleeping girl in my arms would attract the attention of every human prevented me from simply carrying her to the next plane. She could have benefited from my assistance. Barely awake, she stumbled through the terminal. Bella's eyes were glazed, a petulant crease was between her brows, and her lips were thrust into a pout. The way she kept blinking made me chuckle.

It had been so long since I had felt sleepy that I really wasn't sure what she was going through. I was filled with such nervous excitement that only her slow, stumbling steps kept me from sprinting to our gate faster than a human could see. Her eyes teared as she yawned, shaking her head and fighting her body's need for rest. She was leaning against me, staring without seeming to see the signs as I checked us in at the international terminal when she looked at me with surprise in her eyes.

"Rio de Janeiro?"

"Another stop," I said, unwilling to give anything else away.

She frowned, but didn't press me.

I laughed softly to myself as I considered the irony of our journey. Only a few months prior, I had been in Houston, hunting vampires. I had been after Victoria, but I had also sought a coven of vampires who I had thought could help me to find her. I'd found _them,_ killing their leader in the process, but Victoria had slipped away by lying to them about her destination. I'd followed her false trail to Rio de Janeiro - the very city for which I was headed again. At the time, I had been tormented by my decision to leave Bella behind, by the three vampires which I had killed along the way, and by the bloodlust which had kept trying to pull me back to Forks.

During that previous flight, every human on the plane with me had been in danger of me losing control and killing the lot of them. Now, my control was so tight that I barely noticed them. Surrounded as I was by Bella's scent, I knew that when next I tasted human blood, it would be hers, and only as I changed her. I knew also that I would be able to do so without draining her. Hadn't I stopped after James? Surely biting her myself would be no different. Even so, I fought back a shiver, almost eager for that final chance to taste her. And then, never again would human blood cross my lips; hers would be the last. I prayed that she would never know what it felt like to take a life, or how I would feel as I took hers.

Thinking over Carlisle's words, I wondered if he could have been right. Those seven months away from Bella had been terrible for both of us, but the changes they had initiated in me could be the very things that would keep Bella alive that night. Although my throat felt the fire of thirst, that was nothing compared to the flame of desire that was building within me. Now that Jasper wasn't around to combat them, my feelings for her nearly overwhelmed me with their strength. My entire body craved her, and I could not wait to get to the island.

Not waiting for the stewardess to approach me this time, as soon as the plane reached cruising altitude, I requested several blankets and a pillow. I pulled Bella onto my lap and tucked her into the bed of my arms. Again, I spent the flight watching her sleep. When not twining her hair around my fingers, I played with my new ring, getting used to the way that it felt against my skin. I couldn't believe the difference between who I had been the last time I had made that flight and who I was this time. Then, I had been wracked by misery and guilt. Now, I was a happily married man, on my honeymoon with Bella. I grinned and hugged her tighter against me, reveling in my good fortune.

This was a much longer flight, and I didn't need to wake Bella at the end. She stretched against me and breathed deeply, rousing herself. We were circling our destination when she slipped off my lap and back into her seat to stare at the exotic city through the window. I watched her delighted expression and pointed out several of the landmarks.

A look of surprise crossed her face when I retrieved our luggage from the baggage claim area, rather than leading her to yet another terminal. The taxi took us through streets that had become so familiar to me. First, from my explorations as a younger, more innocent vampire after Carlisle had bought Esme her island. Then, off and on over the decades when we had visited, and then again, earlier that year, when fighting the bitter knowledge that Victoria had evaded me. When last I had been in this city, I had lost any desire to live. Now, I had never felt more grateful to exist.

Knowing that Bella didn't understand my instructions to the driver, I smugly spoke to him in Portuguese, despite being aware that he understood English. While we drove, Bella's heart seemed to be unable to decide on a pace. One moment it would stutter, and the next it would race. Her scent was dizzying and I watched her chew her lip while she took in the city through which we were driving. He took us to the docks, where I had arranged to have our latest boat taken out of storage and readied for the last leg of our journey.

About as different from our original sailboat as it was possible for a small craft to be, the speedboat had been one of Jasper's rare indulgences. When he'd seen the old boat we were still using, he had protested that it was time for us to catch up with humanity. Knowing how far the island was from the mainland, I was grateful that he had done so as it would be a much shorter trip in this boat, and I was eager for it to be over.

I carried the large trunks down the docks, leading Bella toward the waiting boat. I leapt in to deposit my burdens before turning to offer my hand to her. She held onto me tightly, stepping with uncertainty from the more stable dock to the lightly rocking craft. Neither of us seemed to be inclined to speech and I wondered if she could be even half as nervous as I was. The way her heart was acting, I wouldn't have been surprised, but she would surely deny it if I were to ask.

After double checking the level of gas in the tank - it was full, as per my instructions - and the levels of all of the additional fluids which a motor required to function, I looked over the condition of the sleek boat, making sure that it had taken no damage, either during its stay in storage or its transport to the dock. All of the joints were tight; I saw no signs of any cracks or peeling that would indicate a structural problem. Briefly starting the motor experimentally, I peered over the side to verify that the water was flowing freely though the cooling system. A few taps on the screen showed me that all of the computer functions were working. The seats hid some standard boating supplies, and I was pleased to see that the life jackets and coils of rope still looked like new. Though I didn't expect her to need one with me around, I knew of Bella's bad luck only too well, and there was nothing wrong with being cautious.

While I moved, I felt Bella's eyes on me, but I avoided meeting hers. I wasn't prepared to answer her questions, and found it easier to resist my nerves by simply moving forward. Finding the boat in perfect condition, I gave her a quick grin as I restarted the motor and aimed the sleek craft toward the open water.

We were headed toward one of my very favorite places on the planet, feeling the salty spray kicked up by the boat as it flew, just barely skimming the top of the water. I inhaled deeply, smelling the complex scents which the ocean carried, along with the wonderfully unique scent brought to me by my very own wife who was clutching the seat beside me. An exhilarated smile overtook my face, and I pushed the boat faster.

At last, her curiosity won and she spoke. "Are we going much farther?"

Glancing at her once more, I laughed at the worried expression on her face and the way she was crushing the seat cushion in her hands.

"About another half hour," I told her, determined to keep my secret as long as possible. When the island's silhouette broke the monotony of the open ocean, I called her attention to our destination.

"Bella, look there."

She squinted in the direction which I had pointed, her eyes roaming the horizon without focusing on the island. Reminding myself that human eyes were different, I waited and watched as she scanned for the island that stood out so clearly to me. When we were only a few minutes away, she blinked, and a look of comprehension and awe crossed her face.

"Where are we?" she asked in a low voice.

Adjusting my angle of approach toward the island, I grinned again at the sound of wonder in her beautiful voice.

"This is Isle Esme," I explained, but refrained from elaborating. Steering toward the dock, I slowed the boat, easily finding the deep bay for which I was aiming. Moments later, the boat nudged the edge of the floating dock, and I killed the engine. The silence was almost startling until I heard the low buzzing of the insects, the whispering of the wind through the trees, and the rhythmic sounds of the ocean. Those were quickly drowned out by the pulsing sounds of Bella's living body, her trembling breaths, and not-so-steady heart beat.

"Isle _Esme?"_ Bella repeated.

"A gift from Carlisle - Esme offered to let us borrow it."

She made a slightly choked noise in the back of her throat, and I clearly remembered her protests at allowing me to buy her so much as a book. Holding back my delighted laugh, I snagged the trunks from where they lay on the deck and sprang onto the dock. Turning back to my wife, I took a moment to memorize her loveliness. Her hair was windswept, her cheeks flushed, and her skin slightly damp from the salty spray. The natural beauty that I loved was enhanced by the make-up that Alice had applied earlier that day. Unable to help myself, I grinned at her and was rewarded with an answering one from her that lit her eyes and sent a wave of warmth through me.

I'd been wanting to hold Bella that entire day and sitting on the plane with her in my lap had not been nearly enough. I reached for her, pulling her right up into my arms.

She giggled slightly, and I supposed she was amused at my enthusiasm as I leapt back onto the dock. "Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?"

"I'm nothing if not thorough," I teased.

Grabbing the trunks with one hand, supporting her slight form easily with my other arm, I strode up the well-defined path which Carlisle, Esme, and I had laid so many decades earlier. The island's scent had always intoxicated me, but never had I thought that its aroma would be overwhelmed by the presence of a single human. Neither the flowers that surrounded us nor the salty breeze from the ocean held half the power of Bella's perfect freesia and strawberry scent. However, when combined together, the scent of Bella mixed with that of the island was rich, warm, sweet, salty, and surely the most mouthwatering thing I would ever experience, even if I did live forever.

Striding through the island jungle, I headed directly toward the house on the beach. It was all I could do to maintain a human pace, but I felt that restraint was a good thing. _Anything_ to rein in my growing nervous excitement was a good thing. Besides, I needed to remind myself that being human for Bella was vital to her survival. Her erratic pulse began to pound as we got closer, and her body temperature increased. I eyed her, but she studied the porch lights that were now visible ahead of us and refused to meet my eyes.

I wondered if she was still as confident in my ability to not hurt her - or worse - as she had claimed to be all along. I wondered exactly what she was expecting from me. I wondered what to expect from her. I wondered if I would be able to bring her pleasure, or if that was too much to expect, considering this would be her first time. I wondered if she knew how happy I was to be holding her, to be _married_ to her. A million thoughts and questions ran through my mind until I felt as overwhelmed as I often had in the cities, though there were only the two of us present, and her mind was hidden. I watched her face, but kept as silent as she always was to me.

Finally climbing the stairs onto the wide porch, I set the trunks down and opened the door. Wrapping my other arm around her, I stared at her face until she looked back at me. Holding her eyes, I crossed the threshold of the house I had helped to build, with my beloved wife in my arms.


	11. Midnight Swim

**Midnight Swim**

Decades earlier, Carlisle and I had worked together with Esme to build her a house on her very own island. Until that point, he and I had lived in houses that could have been considered little more than cabins and, at the time, the new house had seemed excessively grand with large windows, high ceilings, stone fireplaces, and long corridors that guided the breezes right through the whole house. But for all of its luxury, it had been a primitive place, with a well and hand pump instead of running water, and no electricity.

That hadn't bothered us. Indoor plumbing was a new innovation and the use of a well was familiar to all of us. We could see well enough without lights, especially when we had a fire going, and preferred the natural entertainments that the island had to offer.

As the years went by, and humans made advances in technology that had been unimaginable at the time we'd first built the place, we had decided that it would be a good idea to keep up with the times. Rosalie in particular had demanded that we not live in the stone age. She had taken her skills with cars and applied herself to bringing us into the era of electricity and all of the modern conveniences which that brought. At first she'd installed a rather large wind turbine, which she had long since replaced with a version so tiny that it perched, unnoticed, on our roof. The never-ending ocean breeze kept our house supplied with more than enough electricity.

No longer primitive, the beautiful house was truly luxurious, with all the latest amenities which we could lay our hands on. The living room held a massive television - though it had taken some convincing before Esme had agreed to that request - and an entire wall of dvds. The stereo was wired into the house so that music could be played throughout, and the kitchen would have made human chefs drool. We were all quite amused any time Esme wanted to upgrade the kitchen appliances, considering it had never once been cooked in.

The hand pump had been replaced with interior plumbing, and the bedrooms each had their own massive bathrooms, complete with separate showers and bathtubs large enough for more than one occupant. Esme had insisted on adding an outdoor shower on the back porch, demanding that we rinse off the beach sand prior to coming inside. Just because she enjoyed being a mother with the inexhaustible stamina of a vampire did not mean she wanted to spend more time than necessary cleaning up after us.

Unwilling to let her go just yet, I carried my beloved Bella through the house, turning on the lights in each room. The place was as spotless as always, and I was pleased that our housekeepers had maintained our property so well. It helped that they were paid far beyond what such a service would normally bring them, but also that they were terrified of us. They may not have known what we were, but they knew we were something other than human, and that was enough. Breathing deeply as I passed the kitchen, I could smell the food with which they had filled the pantry.

Each room I passed through seemed to bring an increase in Bella's pulse rate until her body was practically humming in my arms. Finally reaching the largest suite, I stopped and turned the last light on, watching Bella's eyes widen as they took in the over-sized bed. Alice had strung shimmery gauze and lace about our house for our wedding, and I was certain that she had done so - at least in part - because of the very room in which I now stood. The bed had a curtain of the same material hanging from the posters and frame.

Placing Bella on her feet, I was surprised by how steady she seemed to be, not wobbling at all when I took my hands away from her. She kept her eyes averted, and I was tenderly amused by how shy she suddenly seemed. In her bedroom in Charlie's house, she had become so forward with me since our engagement that I had half expected her to start kissing me right away.

Suspecting that she could use a moment to collect herself, I inched toward the door, though I didn't want to take my eyes off of her. "I'll... go get the luggage," I forced myself to say.

Bella didn't answer me. Standing motionless, her eyes were locked on the bed and she had a strange look on her face. Turning away from her, I strode back through the house and onto the front porch where I had left our trunks. Kicking off my shoes and socks by the front door, I padded barefoot back through the house. When I returned to the room, I found Bella standing close to the bed, running her fingers lightly along the gauzy curtain. I placed the trunks on the dressers and opened hers, exposing the clothes Alice had packed for the trip.

Bella hadn't moved since I entered the room. With her fingers gripping the gauze, she stood as still as a vampire and seemed to be barely even breathing. She had her hair pulled off to one side and thrown over a shoulder, exposing her neckline to me again. As I watched, a bead of sweat formed and began to trickle down toward her shoulder. She didn't seem to hear me approach, though my ears were filled with the sound of her living body.

I was tempted to taste the salty bead of sweat, but resisted, running a finger along the line of moisture instead. Though she had moved to Forks from Phoenix, which had a much higher average temperature than our tiny, rainy town, she must have grown used to the cooler air over the past year and a half. I had specifically been looking for someplace warm, but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

"It's a little hot here. I thought... that would be best," I tried to explain. Though she had always seemed to enjoy my touch, I knew I was cold to her, just as she was hot to me, and there would be no clothes or blankets to protect her tonight. I would have to let the air itself keep her warm, since I could not.

"Thorough," she said in a husky voice.

My voice sounded strange to my ears when I chuckled. "I tried to think of everything that would make this... easier."

She swallowed, and I was certain that she was as nervous as I was when I heard her do so.

Though I had witnessed couples together before, I had always tried my best not to pay them any more attention than a human would if they were to come across a pair of animals mating. Now, I wished I had at least seen how they initiated things. Since she wasn't approaching me for once, I wasn't sure how to begin. As I had been reminded when speeding toward the island and I had been able to see it, but she had not, we were so different. She was soft, fragile, and pure, where I was cold, granite, and far from innocent. Perhaps if we were more alike, things would be easier. I had wished more than once that I could be human again, or at least more like she was. Good, and sweet, and so warm...

Remembering the way I had always soaked up her warmth, I thought that perhaps that was the place to start. If I made myself warm for her, maybe we wouldn't seem so different. The pulsing of her beating heart was out of rhythm with the pulsing of the ocean waves, but I felt drawn to both of them.

"I was wondering," I began, speaking slowly, "if... first... maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" My voice still sounded strange, and I swallowed as hard as I had heard her do and took a steadying breath. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you'd approve of."

Her voice trembled when she answered me. "Sounds nice."

I watched her, waiting, but she didn't move. "I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two," I tried to tease. "It was a long journey."

Still not turning to face me, she jerked her head up and down in a stiff nod. I saw another bead of sweat forming at her hairline and didn't resist the urge that time. Leaning close to her, I inhaled the enticing scent of her skin just before I placed my lips against my favorite soft spot under her ear. Licking her salty taste from my lips, I laughed softly to myself. _That_ had done nothing to calm either of us.

"Don't take _too_ long, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered into her ear. Her new name tasted as good on my tongue as the salt from her sweat had, though she jumped slightly. Unable to resist tasting her skin just once more, I brushed my lips along her neckline to the tip of her shoulder. If I didn't pull away from her now, we would never make it into the water. Since I _had_ been the one to suggest it though, and she had agreed, I straightened and turned away from her. "I'll wait for you in the water."

Bella's already rapidly beating heart broke into a sprint at my words, but she didn't move a muscle as I walked away from her, tugging my shirt over my head as I went. The wide glass door slid open easily, and I stepped out into the night. The beach's high-water line was well below the place where we had built the house, but the powdery sand reached right up to the back porch.

Strolling across the sand toward a tree with a low hanging branch, my gaze was drawn to the brightest light in the sky. The nearly full moon shone on the island like a spotlight, casting shadows through the trees. Unlike when the sunlight hit my skin, the moonlight didn't break into unnatural rainbows. Instead, I seemed to soak it up, and my skin's marble white color seemed the same as every other surface that the moon's light touched.

Over and above the low pulsing of the ocean waves, I could still clearly hear Bella's heart as it raced, seeming to beckon me back. Resisting the pull, I shed the rest of my clothes and stood naked on the beach. The breeze against my bare skin was warm, but I shivered at the way it felt. My skin seemed more sensitive than usual, and I was certain that I could have counted the individual hairs as they moved with the wind's light tug.

I dug my toes into the sand, just able to feel the residual warmth from baking all day under the hot sun. The nearly cloudless sky was an inky black with the thick stripe of the Milky Way arching up from behind the island toward the bright moon. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect setting for the coming night.

Taking an unnecessary breath, I pulled the salty air deep into my lungs, savoring the way I could still detect Bella's scent. Although the breeze was steady, it was light and only barely affecting the gentle roll of water against sand. At times, I had seen the surf riled up enough for us to bring out our surfboards, but with the shelter that the crescent shape of the cove provided and lacking the push of a storm, the waves that lapped our beach were usually gentle enough for a baby's bath. Tonight, the water looked like so much rippling glass, smooth and reflective, and the moon's light was doubled as its twin stretched across the ocean's surface.

Moving slowly, reminding myself of the need to act human, I folded my clothes neatly and hung them over the low branch before striding toward the ocean. I didn't stop until the water covered my head. Fully submerged, the water filled my ears, hiding the sound of Bella's heart from me. Not breathing in her scent, not hearing her heart beat, yet still able to taste her on my tongue as long as I avoided letting any sea water into my mouth, surrounded on all sides by the warm, gently swirling waters, and with no thoughts in my head but my own, I was as close to sensory deprivation as it was possible to get. My eyes were closed, and I forced my muscles to relax, one by one. Eventually, I floated in the water, drifting only slightly with the current.

It had been a year and a half since my world had been forever changed by the arrival of the human girl into my life. Tiny and fragile, quiet and mysterious - despite her generally easy-to-read emotions - gentle, sweet, and innocent, she was my opposite. Bella was a contradiction that had kept me fascinated from the start. Her fragile body was inhabited by a strong, fiery soul, and her clear eyes - which could see right through me - were somehow blind to the truth of what I was. I smiled as I shook my head in the water. Would I ever understand her?

The very first time I had seen her, I had been drawn to her. I had wanted to protect her without understanding why. Upon discovering her silent mind, I had admonished myself not to become interested in what she was thinking simply because I couldn't hear it. I had been certain that if I had been able to do so, I would have found her mind no more interesting than I did any other human's.

I scoffed. Despite what I had told myself, I had done the exact opposite. From the moment I had first met her eyes, I had belonged to Bella. Her silence had fascinated me, and the more I learned of her mind, the less like other humans she had seemed. Perhaps she was right, in that case; if she was unlike the humans, maybe she was meant to be a vampire as Carlisle believed.

 _Not tonight, though!_

Soon, she would change into a vampire for me, to spend eternity with me, but for tonight, she was still a human, and it was up to me to keep her that way. And that meant being human for her. I opened my eyes. Floating underwater without breathing for - how long had it been? I wasn't sure. Far longer than a human could have held his breath - for far too long, at any rate, was hardly acting human. I surfaced and took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the sultry island air. With just a few strokes, I reached the shallower waters and was able to put my feet down again. Moving slowly in the water, I waded closer to shore until I stood in the exact center of the crescent beach.

Smiling, I thought back to another wedding day, when I had stood on almost this very same spot, watching my father marry my mother. The tide had been out at that time, and the wide beach exposed. I hadn't believed, then, that I would ever find a mate of my own.

There had been another time when I'd stood in the center of this crescent shaped beach, waiting. After the darkest time in my life, I had returned to the only place I had known of that I could dare to hope to be reunited with my family. It had been on this spot that I had seen Carlisle and Esme again after spending four years as a human hunter. It had been on this spot that I had begged their forgiveness, and had my life offered back to me. Though they had forgiven me, never had I forgiven myself. Certainly, I hadn't dared to believe that God ever would.

Now, here I stood, a married man, waiting on my beloved wife to join me in the water. Turning away from the island, I stared up at the brilliant moon. Maybe I had been wrong. Carlisle couldn't be more forgiving than God, could he? If _he_ had forgiven my sins, perhaps _He_ had, too? How else could I explain the gift of an angel as a wife?

I was distracted from my musings by the sound of soft feet padding across the powdery sand and was abruptly aware of the increased volume of Bella's steady heart beat. Her quiet steps paused briefly before I heard the slippery sound of the water against her skin. Though I wanted to go to her, I kept my eyes on the moon and waited for my bride to come to me, just as I had waited at the altar. Bella's steps were slow but steady, until I felt her slip her warm hand over the top of mine. The water had warmed my skin, just as I had hoped, but there was still a definite difference between her vital, living warmth, and my cold, stone skin. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, and was stunned by the sight of her standing naked beside me.

"Beautiful," she said with a steady voice.

It seemed her nervousness was gone, but mine returned with full force. She was staring at the moon as I had done, but it couldn't hold my attention now. Strangely, the bright moonlight had the same effect on her skin as it had on mine. Her cream and roses was turned a silvery white that matched my marble skin. She had a fresh scrubbed scent, and all of the make-up was gone. Though Alice's skills had turned Bella into a creamy, dark-haired goddess in her wedding gown, somehow, with the moon changing her natural beauty into something that matched me for a change, she looked even more alluring than before.

"It's all right," I disagreed. Slowly, I turned until I faced her, shifting my hand in hers so that our fingers twined together. "But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful._ Not with you standing here in comparison."

Bella smiled slightly, but didn't blush, for once. She placed the hand I wasn't holding on my chest, just where my heart should have been beating. Her hand was a flame against my skin, despite how the ocean had warmed me. I shivered slightly and felt my breathing accelerate. Had any creature ever wanted another as much as I wanted her in that moment? I doubted it. I couldn't have stopped myself from responding to her touch if I had wanted to.

"I promised we would _try,"_ I stressed. Suddenly, I was terrified by what we were planning. A girl's first time was often unpleasant at best, and usually somewhat painful. I never wanted to hurt her; I wanted her to _enjoy_ making love with me, but if she didn't, she needed to tell me. She never acknowledged the dangers to herself, and I needed some reassurance that she would help me keep her safe.

"If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."

I stared into her eyes, begging her with mine to understand. The moon's effect on them was as profound as it was on her skin, changing the melted chocolate into an inky black that matched the sky, including the sparkle that they caught of the moon itself.

Slowly, she nodded, and I was relieved when she didn't dismiss my fears. Her breaths steady and calm, she closed the distance between us to lay her head against my chest as she had when we had danced our last dance. My breath caught as I felt her bare stomach press against the length of my sensitive skin.

"Don't be afraid," she whispered to me. "We belong together."

Sighing in pleasure at those words, I believed the truth in them as I never had before. Bella was my wife, and I was her husband. With our skin matching in the moonlight and our temperatures nearly the same in the warm water, I completely accepted that she was meant to be my mate, and was grateful for her love.

Wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her gently against me and vowed, "Forever."

I felt her smile against my chest before I moved back toward the deeper waters, pulling her along with me. Chuckling softly, I grinned at her just before turning my back to her. Keeping hold of her hand in mine, I pulled her into place as I had so often before, only this time I would be swimming with her, not running. Seeing what I intended, she wrapped her arms about my neck, pressed her bare chest against my back, and slid her legs around my waist.

Oh, the difference a few pieces of fabric could make!

I shivered at the feeling of being surrounded by Bella's naked body. It was a good thing she had done so while clinging to my back, or I may have lost what little self-control I had. Firmly reminding myself that this long night was only the first in the rest of our eternity, I angled us away from the island. With my arms positioned in front of me to slice through the water, I kicked hard, sending up a spray of sea water. Bella's laughter was reward enough for my restraint, and I laughed along with her.

When I stopped swimming, Bella released her hold on my neck, and I pulled her into my arms. Floating on my back, barely kicking my legs, I held my lovely wife against my chest as we swam where the light from the house couldn't reach us. The moon and the stars were the only sources of light in the deep blackness of the open ocean.

It always amazed me how trusting she was of me. From the start, she had placed her life in my hands and had seemed to do so gladly. Humans instinctively held a fear of the open ocean, of deep, dark waters, and of the unseen things which swam in them. Though she was in no danger, she had no way of knowing that there was only one monster swimming in the deep. _I_ was the most dangerous thing in the ocean with her, but I had vowed to love and protect her, to cherish her and keep her safe from harm.

Bella folded her arms against my chest, resting her chin on her hands while she smiled at me. The curve of her bottom was just sticking up out of the water. Her calves and heels alternately peeked out too, as she lightly kicked her legs along with me. Her hair was damp and clinging to her face, with one strand straying forward and almost covering an eye.

I reached a finger out to tuck it behind her ear and said, "I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

She laughed. "You like calling me that, don't you?"

Grinning crookedly at her, I nodded. "Yes, I like it. You have no idea how much."

She laid her head against my chest as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "I like it, too," she admitted to my delight.

Since her ear was pressed against my chest, I started to hum so that she would hear and feel the deep rumble in my chest. She sighed, the small sound seeming to be one of contentment or happiness. Despite months of kissing and touching while clothed and knowing that it would go no farther than that, now that this night was upon us and we were swimming naked together, neither of us seemed in a hurry for more than that. We watched the stars, occasionally catching each others' eyes and exchanging small smiles.

It was ridiculous to be nervous. I was a hundred and five years old! Despite how I looked - and not counting my current immersion in the ocean water - I was no wet-behind-the-ears school boy. Nevertheless, I _felt_ nervous, and not just about hurting her. I had no doubt that loving her would feel good to me, but it was her pleasure that worried me. I was going to hurt her, no matter what I did, but I wanted to make her feel good, too. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that I had spent most of my life with three couples who loved each other nearly as much as Bella and I did, and who had no qualms about expressing their affections whether I was near or not. I knew _what_ to do, even if I was unsure of how to start.

As I always did when in need, I let the side of me that best expressed itself through music say what needed to be said. Merging the end of her lullaby with the beginning of a song that I had heard her play, I changed from humming to singing. "Come away with me in the night," I invited her. "And I will write you a song."

Bella laughed softly, knowing that I had already done so. To my surprise, she hummed along with me, recognizing the tune. I hadn't heard her sing before and thrilled to the sound of her voice mixing with mine. "Come away with me, and I'll never stop loving you."

I broke off as I heard her sing the words. Placing my hands against her cheeks, I said, "Never."

She wrapped her arms about my neck and pulled me close for a kiss. When we had been standing on the dance floor kissing, we had ignored the crowd around us as though we were the only two people in the world. Here, in the middle of the ocean, miles away from anyone else - and with no irritating sister to interrupt us _this_ time! - we truly could have been the only people on the Earth. Her soft mouth shaped itself to my stone lips, and it didn't matter that we were made from different material - she, warm and soft and alive, and I, hard and cold and stone. Somehow, we still fit together.

Releasing her mouth, I slid my hands around her waist to lift her out of the water so that I could more easily reach her neck and the soft spot by her ear. She threw her head back, giving me full access to her fragrant throat, her neckline, and her jaw. Trailing my lips along her jaw from her ear to her chin and back, my hands slid up her side to where I could feel her ribs as my thumbs brushed the round sides of her breasts.

Bella's hands left the back of my neck and traveled into my hair as I kissed her. They moved down to my shoulders where I felt her grip me tight, pulling her body against mine. All of her soft curves pressed against my chest, and I had to pull away from her with a moan and a shudder. She took the opportunity to kiss me, exploring my jawline with her mouth. Closing my eyes, I gave myself over to the feeling of her warm body against me, of her lips on my face and neck, where she found the nearly imperceptible scar that had been left by Carlisle's teeth on my throat.

I found my hands on her face again, my palms resting lightly against her soft cheeks. Pulling her face away from mine so that I could look into her dark eyes, I was pleased to see her smiling, and her eyes lit with happiness and excitement. Unable to help myself, I laughed at her expression.

"What's so funny?" she demanded.

"You are," I said smugly.

"Funny, am I?" She wrinkled her nose and lightly flicked water at my face.

Releasing her, I sank lower into the water, narrowed my eyes, and growled. The sound was deep and threatening, and one that few creatures other than my family had ever heard and lived.

"I'm not scared of you," she taunted me.

"No?"

She shook her head defiantly.

"We shall see about _that!"_ Submerging entirely, I propelled myself away from her, hiding below the reflective surface. Though she couldn't see me, I was easily able to see her, and I watched as she spun first one way, and then the other, searching for me.

Moving slowly through the water and avoiding her lightly kicking legs and swirling hands, I ran a finger along the bottom of one of her feet. Her high squeal was easily audible to me, even under the water, and I laughed, sending up a stream of bubbles. She ducked her head, blinking against the blur of water in her eyes as she tried to find me. The dark night was my ally, and I swam unseen behind her, reaching out to tickle her foot again.

At my touch, she spun around, but my trail of bubbles was the only thing she would have been able to see as I was already many feet below her and invisible once more. Bella released her breath slowly as her head swiveled back and forth, but I kept out of her line of sight until I got close enough to tickle her foot a third time. She let out her breath in a gust and kicked herself away from me. Back at the surface, she slapped the water, and I distinctly heard her exclaim my name.

Surfacing only a few feet away from her, I grinned, feeling victorious.

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"No. I think _you_ are," I reminded her.

She launched herself at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Let's see you tickle me now!"

I raised an eyebrow and slid a finger down the underside of her arm to where she had exposed the sensitive hollow of her armpit. She wriggled away from me, fighting the squeal that my touch brought forth.

"That wasn't fair."

"All's fair in love and war, and you _did_ ask me to," I pointed out with a snicker.

"All's fair, huh?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

"So they say," I answered warily.

"Then you can't complain if I fight back!"

 _"I_ am not ticklish," I said, my voice smug again.

"Who said anything about tickling you?"

She pressed herself to me, her hands locked in my hair and her mouth found mine, while her legs wrapped around my waist. I inhaled sharply, unprepared for the suddenness of her very successful attack. Of their own volition, my arms wound around her, holding Bella against me. She was panting into my mouth, letting her tongue trace my lips. Since I could taste no venom, I brushed my tongue along hers, tasting her sweetness, accented by the salt from the ocean.

Her body began emitting a new scent on top of her already powerful natural freesia and strawberries. Her human hormones reacted to me, and our temperatures - which had been steadily growing closer - were again miles apart as her skin ignited against mine. She could have been made of fire, and I would not have been surprised to find her glowing from her inner warmth had I been able to open my eyes.

It was no longer her blood - or rather, no longer _just_ her blood - that I burned for. I was too hungry for everything about her. I wanted to crush her against me and let her feel the strength in my hands and arms as I proved to her that I was a man in love, and not just a vampire. I ached to cup and squeeze her breasts, to take one in my mouth and to press my face between them. I wanted to suck and nip at the skin on her neck and longed to dig my fingers into the muscles of her curvy bottom, but this was going to be dangerous enough as it was, and I had been given more than enough visuals of what her fate would be if I were to act without restraint.

However, I couldn't _not_ touch her. We were going to make love, and I had to give my desires some leeway, even if I couldn't give into them completely. Her touch sent shivers through me, and I found my breaths growing as rapid as hers. We were touching each other's skin and, keeping myself firmly in check, I allowed my hands to do what I had longed to for so many months. Lightly, I explored the way her naked body felt, tracing the valley of her spine, and enjoying the slippery feeling of the skin of her back, wet from the ocean water. I didn't dig my fingers into her, but neither did I stop them from roaming as I memorized her shape with the tips of my fingers.

Her hands were traveling all over me, across my chest, over my shoulders, and sliding along the muscles in my back. Though I was trying to be careful, she wasn't, and her hands tugged on my hair, pulling me away from her throat and back to her inviting mouth. Bella's legs were locked above my hips, but that didn't stop her from brushing against the part of me that was aching to enter her. Each time she did, a shock shot through me until I was forced to push her away with a gasp.

"You win!"

"Hah. Well then, what's my prize?" Her lips twisted to the side in a pleased smirk, and her eyes danced playfully.

I considered her for a moment. "What would you like?"

Bella chewed her lower lip briefly before shaking her head. "I already have you. There's nothing else that I want."

"Nothing?"

She shook her head again.

Regaining control over myself, I leaned close to whisper, "I can think of a few things." Wrapping my lips over my teeth, I pulled her earlobe into my mouth and breathed into her ear. The heat from her blush warmed her entire body, and I laughed against the skin of her neck.

"Okay... maybe you're right," she agreed breathlessly.

"Mmm." Kicking my legs lightly to keep us upright in the water, we kissed again.

"There is something I want," she eventually whispered against my mouth.

"Anything."

"I want you to not worry."

I pulled away from her lips to look into her eyes.

"Please? You're being so careful."

"Bella, I _have_ to be."

She shook her head. "You won't hurt me."

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to hers, wishing I could believe that as strongly as she claimed to.

"I know you're not used to letting yourself just... _live_ in the moment. You've spent too long suppressing your nature."

I glared at her. "You wouldn't be here now if I hadn't."

Bella brushed her fingers along my face, tracing my jaw and running light fingers along my lips. "And what is your nature telling you now?"

Smiling ruefully, I admitted, "The same thing it has told me from the start. I _want_ you. And I want to protect you."

"The two aren't incompatible, you know. Will you _please_ try to stop worrying?"

I nodded, attempting to let my fears at hurting her go.

"Then I think I've had enough swimming for tonight."

Chucking softly, I held her hand up to the moonlight. Her skin had taken on the wrinkles that came from being submerged for an extended length of time in the water. "You're right. I wouldn't want you turning into a prune."

Affecting an offended look, her jaw dropped, and she splashed water at me.

Snickering, I shook the water from my hair and onto her. She held up her hands, protesting my retaliation with a laugh. We watched each other's eyes for a moment before I offered her my hand, which she took with a delighted smile. I moved her to my back and began to swim again, this time heading toward the shore, and the bed which awaited us there.

* * *

 **A/N**

Don't hate me! *ducks and hides from thrown laptops and phones* Alright, who threw the cactus? Really, that was uncalled for! ow...

Ahem. Sooo... the night isn't over yet. This chapter got to be overlong and had to be broken up. Sorry, not sorry. ^_^

See you next week!

~L


	12. Colors and Promises

**Happy Valentine's Day!**

* * *

 **Colors and Promises**

When my feet hit the sand, I pulled my lovely bride into my arms, holding her as I had when striding from the boat to the house. Bella pressed herself against me and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her heart was beating against my chest, and her pulse fluttered against the skin of my arms. Her body was acting as it had the night she had accepted my proposal, and her flowery sweetness was nearly overpowering now that she was no longer submerged in the ocean.

She seemed as eager for our bed as I was as she ran her hands through my hair and planted kisses along my neck and jaw, forcing me to concentrate in order to maintain my slow stroll up the beach. I met her sweet smile with a grin of my own as I neared the house, but chose to stop by the shower on the porch as I didn't think either of us would enjoy bringing sand into our bed.

When I set Bella on her feet, her cheeks turned an enticing scarlet. It felt rather strange to be so exposed to her, both embarrassing and exhilarating at the same time. She couldn't have seen a naked man before, much less one in a state of arousal, and I caught her staring at me as I turned on the water, adjusting the temperature until it was quite warm, but not hot. Bella's heart began to race when I turned to face her, and the scent of adrenaline colored the air.

God, but she was beautiful! Her wet hair framed her heart-shaped face and clung to her neck and shoulders. The disheveled mane was more alluring to me than the elaborate braids and coils she had worn during the wedding had been. The light shone through the wide, glass doors, illuminating her red cheeks and pink lips, her creamy skin, and her melted chocolate eyes. Her wedding dress had clung to her curves, accenting them in a way her usually casual clothes never did, but even the dress hadn't done justice to her feminine beauty.

The speed of my breaths increased with the sound of her accelerating pulse, and I found myself simply standing there, staring at her in awe. I wanted to sweep her into my arms, to crush her against me, and to feel her bare skin pressed against mine. She had been unafraid during our swim, but standing naked in front of me with her bottom lip between her teeth, she seemed as nervous as she'd been before our swim.

Bella kept glancing at me and then away. Her eyes darted toward the trees and then slid back to stare at my chest, or my legs, or my midriff. She seemed to catch herself staring and would look elsewhere, but her eyes were apparently drawn to me against her will. Her shy glances brought a crooked grin to my lips, but she didn't meet my eyes.

I wondered if my staring was making her uncomfortable. Attempting to alleviate any self-consciousness she might be feeling, I took a few steps toward her to brush the backs of my fingers against her cheek. "You are so beautiful."

Her blush darkened, but she met my eyes at last and gave me a small smile before swallowing hard. How her silent mind frustrated me! Perhaps it was more than the traditional nervousness that any girl - or boy, for that matter - would feel their first time. What we were planning was dangerous, and she had to know it.

"I'll keep you safe," I promised.

Bella took a steady breath and closed the slight distance between us to wrap her arms around my neck. "I know. You won't hurt me."

Fighting a shiver at the feel of her pressed against me, I laughed and said, "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

She giggled and shook her head, but when she spoke, her voice was calm and sure. "I don't need any convincing. You love me, and I love you; that's all I need to know."

Gazing into her melted chocolate eyes, I wondered how I had gotten so lucky to have won both her trust and her love. I pulled her close for a quick kiss, but if we were ever going to make it into the waiting bed, I couldn't indulge in more than that. Pulling away from her with a smile, I invited her into the running water. My eyes wanted to memorize every inch of her, but I thought that she wouldn't appreciate me gaping at her while she showered, so I averted my eyes when she stepped under the spray.

Rather than stare at her, I turned my attention to rinsing my feet and left her to her quick shower while I retrieved some large, fluffy towels from the bathroom closet. Bella was just stepping out from under the water when I returned. She dried herself while I rinsed the rest of me. Clean again, I quickly ran a towel over myself and scooped her up, enjoying the way her skin was pink and warm from the shower as I carried her into the bedroom once more.

Placing her into the center of the bed, I scooted in beside her and was suddenly overwhelmed by the significance of what we were about to do. Every other time she had willingly placed her life in my hands, I had been in control of myself, and had known - well, had been relatively certain - that I would not kill her. This night, I had no such guarantee, no matter what I might say otherwise.

She must have seen the fear that had returned to my eyes, because she said, "I trust you," and nodded reassuringly.

The first time I had touched her skin, I had wanted to feel the softness of her cheek. Reaching for her again, I brushed my fingers along the very same spot, carefully caressing her fragile face. Touching her silky skin sent electric tingles through me, just as it had then. This time, I let my fingers trail along her jaw, down the line of the pulse in her neck, to the gentle arch of her collarbone. Though our skin was much closer in temperature than it normally was, she shivered against me as she closed her eyes, gripped the sheets, and leaned into my touch.

I had felt her soft curves press against my chest in the water, but I wanted more than just that. I wanted to see if her hidden skin was as silky as that which she showed to the world. Lightly running my fingers over the top of her chest, just under her collarbone, I stopped and searched her face, waiting for her to look at me.

When she finally opened her eyes, they were dark and liquid, and shining with love for me.

"M-may I..." I swallowed and attempted to calm my nerves. "May I touch you?"

Her forehead furrowed in surprise. "You have to ask?"

Placing my hand back against her cheek, I said firmly and with great pleasure, "You are my wife now. You _belong_ to _me."_ Making my voice more gentle, I spoke again. "But that doesn't grant me the freedom to presume consent. Yes I have to ask. At least, this first time."

Bella's eyes danced as a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Wasn't I the one who talked you into this?"

"Nevertheless. I should never touch you without your permission."

"Well, you have it."

Hesitating, I allowed my eyes to travel down her body, amazed at how perfectly formed she was. I had seen naked women many times before - because of my gift, it had been unavoidable - but none of them had ever come close to looking as beautiful to me as Bella did. Petite and slender, her gentle swells and dips were tempting and all the more inviting because no other had or would ever know them the way that I could.

"Touch me, Edward," she invited softly.

My hand returned to where I had left off, just under her collarbone. Slowly, my fingers just skimming her skin, I let them trail down to the curve of her breast. I traced the edge, circling from the top around toward her arm. My thumb slid around to the bottom before I pressed my hand fully against her small breast. It fit perfectly, with the raised center resting in the middle of my palm. We both inhaled sharply as the texture changed against my skin, contracting in reaction to my feather-light touch.

Curious, I let my fingers trace circles around the different textures. I had thought her cheeks were soft! Her cheeks may have been silk over glass, but the skin under my fingers now was like touching a cloud - or an angel's wings. I couldn't help but to react to touching her and had to work to make my breaths steady.

The day I had told her of my feelings, when we had sat together in our meadow, I had rested my face against her chest, feeling and hearing her heart beating against my cheek as I soaked up her warmth. Repeating the gesture now, I pressed my cheek against hers, loving the simple feeling of touching her skin with mine. Mimicking the path my fingers had followed, my nose trailed down her neck, and I planted a kiss in the hollow of her throat.

As on that sunny day, I wanted to hear the flow of air and blood within her and sighed in pleasure as I laid my ear over her rapidly beating heart. The breast in my hand was brushing against my lips, and I moved toward the other one, letting my cheek find the pebbly center first, before turning my head to place a kiss there.

Bella arched her back, pressing herself into my touch. Her hands found my hair, knotting themselves in the damp mess. Extremely aware of my teeth, I opened my mouth to lightly run my tongue over her delicate skin, enjoying the pure taste. I wrapped my lips over my teeth and carefully pulled her nipple into my mouth, hearing a low moan escape me and a sigh of pleasure from her as I did so. Until that moment, I would never have thought I would taste anything as delicious as her mouth - other than her blood - but as I swirled my tongue around her nipple, I knew that her blood and her lips weren't the only parts of her that tasted divine.

Releasing her breasts, I wanted to taste the rest of her skin, to touch and kiss every inch of her and claim her as my mate. I found myself moving back to her shoulder and down her arm, planting a kiss in the center of her palm, which earned me a giggle.

Grateful for the break in the tension, I laughed too, burying my face in her neck and hair as she shook with amusement. Blowing softly into her ear, I felt her shaking turn into a shiver and kissed my way down between her breasts, toward her stomach. She gasped when my tongue dipped into her bellybutton. My hands traveled ahead of my mouth, and I brushed my fingertips over the skin of her taut stomach, the bumps of her pelvic bones, and the achingly smooth skin of her inner thighs. I nuzzled the hair between her legs, wishing I dared to taste her there. The smell of her arousal was intoxicating, but I worried about the effect my flowing venom would have on her, and resisted.

Reveling in the fact that her body was otherwise mine to explore, I kissed her hip, working my way down her smooth leg. I sat back, lifting her leg up to my mouth until I reached her foot. I caught her eye and, with a mischievous grin, ran a finger along the bottom. The foot spasmed in my grip as she let out an indignant exclamation and whacked me with a pillow. Snickering at her mock outrage, I moved to her other leg, retracing my path back up toward her mouth.

"Edward," Bella mumbled, her hands tugging on my shoulders as she half sat up, pulling me closer to her. She was breathing fast when I returned to her lips, and her arms wound around me as I stretched out beside her.

"It's a good thing I don't need to breathe," I whispered against her mouth. "You are breathtaking, my love. You have no idea how lovely you are, do you?"

Bella grew warm from her easy blush. "I know you think so."

I moved back so that I could look into her lovely, chocolate eyes. "I don't _think_ so, silly girl. I _know_ it."

Expecting her to deny it, I smiled and watched her face, but she lay motionless beside me and simply stared back at me. The sound of her heart grew louder, and I realized her rapid breaths had come to a complete halt.

Delighted that I always had that effect on her, I said, "Breathe, Bella."

Her eyes widened and she inhaled slowly. "You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Dazzling me."

 _Oh._ Trying not to sound pleased with myself, I said, "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

I laughed, unrepentant. She was right, as usual.

She reached for my face, trailing her fingers down my cheek and along my jaw. "It's okay. It's not your fault that you're so beautiful."

Taken aback, I shook my head. "Men aren't beautiful."

She shrugged. "You are, though."

"What you see... It's not real, Bella." I studied her eyes as the crease formed between them. "Vampires have many weapons, some more subtle than others. The changes that made me what I am turned me into the perfect predator, so much so that my prey doesn't even _want_ to escape." I chuckled and traced her parted lips with my thumb. "Do you?"

She shook her head vehemently.

"But _you,_ you are natural. Good and sweet. And so _vibrant_. You're soft and warm, love, like a summer day, ephemeral and perfect." I ran my fingers through her hair and brought a strand up to brush against my cheek. "Or perhaps gossamer and silk, like a spider web, for I may be the hunter here, but you have captured me."

"Edward, I wish you could see what I see. Don't get me wrong; you're a good-looking man." Her eyes traveled down the length of me and then back up, and she smiled as though she had just proven herself right. "But that's not why I married you. Your beauty is much more than skin deep."

I frowned in confusion. If our outsides truly reflected what was within, surely I would be hideous to behold. How could she think that there was beauty within me? Perhaps once I'd been innocent like her, but that was no longer true. She knew I was a killer; didn't that make me inherently evil?

As though she could read my mind, she abruptly said, "You're not, you know. Whatever it is that you're thinking. I may not know exactly, but I've heard you say what you believe often enough to guess. And you're not. Or... well, maybe you _do_ belong in a horror movie, but you'd be the hero, not the villain."

Quirking an eyebrow at her, I teased, "Spiderman?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Hmm. I suppose I'll just count myself lucky that you think so."

"Well, I know how lucky I am, and how much I love you."

Amused at her stubbornness, I settled for attempting to prove to her with my hands and lips that she was the most beautiful creature ever born.

Unable to stop myself, I watched as I ran my fingers along her body, for once enjoying the differences in the way we looked. She was cream and roses, and my pale skin was a sharp contrast with hers. My hand couldn't stop roaming over her skin. It slid along the dip of her waist, over the swell of her hip, and down the length of her thigh. I hadn't felt free to kiss her between her legs, but there was nothing to stop me from touching her there. My hand slid between us to cup the warm and enticing part of her that I couldn't wait to possess.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath and made an inarticulate noise that I couldn't help but echo. Unexpectedly, she shuddered and pulled away from me with a whimper.

I snatched my hand back, feeling it curl into a fist against my chest. Had I hurt her already? "What did I do?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Nothing wrong. It's just, you're making me crazy."

I tried not to, but there was no stopping the grin of delight that spread across my face. "Am I?"

She snorted. "Just one more thing to add to the list."

"List?"

"Of things you're good at."

Snickering at her, I said, "I don't suppose you'd care to share what might be on such a list?"

She rolled her eyes. "I might as well just say 'everything' and be done with it."

I shook my head. "No. There's at least one thing I'm horrible at."

"And what's that?"

"Staying away from you."

It was her turn to grin. "Good!"

As we laughed, she scooted back close to me, and I let my hand reach for her once more. The muscles in her thighs tensed automatically, but then relaxed as she allowed me to push her legs apart. Groaning into her neck, I felt her react to my careful exploration of her body and tried desperately to keep in mind how fragile she was. The motion of Bella's hips against my hand had me struggling not to give in to my base instincts of need and possession.

Bella seemed to need to explore my skin just as much as I did hers, and I felt the heat of her hands caressing every inch of me that they could reach. It was a good thing she had insisted on practicing this night so often over the previous months. The touch of her hands was no less shocking to my skin this night than it had been the first. Had tonight _been_ the first that I had felt them, I surely would have been overwhelmed simply by the way her hands felt on my chest, by the way they grazed down my shoulders and pressed against my back.

The strongest human couldn't have dented my skin, and Bella was hardly that, but when her hands gripped my backside, a low growl of pleasure rumbled in my chest. One hand glided back around to my chest before she trailed it down my stomach, apparently intending to explore me the way I'd been touching her, but I didn't think I would be capable of maintaining control over myself if I was to let her do that.

I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing her palm as I shook my head. "Not - not tonight," I mumbled. My muscles were trembling with need for her as I fought against my instincts. She was mine, had freely given herself to me, and I wanted to do the same for her, but if I gave into my needs unchecked, I would hurt her or worse.

Bella seemed to sense my struggle and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Next time, then," she said with her cheeks blazing.

My skin tingling from her promise, I buried my face in her hair and moaned. "I love you so much, Bella. I've wanted you for so abysmally long, it's hard to believe that we're truly married. If I were capable of sleeping, I would think this was a dream."

She laughed and seemed about to say something, but changed her mind with a shake of her head.

"What?" The ever-present curiosity plagued me when she didn't seem inclined to speak. "Tell me."

"I still can't believe..." She hesitated, and I was about to press her again, but she finally said, "That you're real. That this _isn't_ a dream. That we're here. And that you're mine."

Flashing all of my teeth at her, I leered, _"You_ are _mine."_

She lifted a shoulder. "Same thing."

Laughing softly, I acknowledged the truth in that statement. What did it matter if I said I was hers or she was mine? They meant the same thing: we belonged to each other.

My body's demands were making themselves known to me, and I couldn't deny them any longer. I reached for her leg, finding the hollow at the back of her knee, and lifted it up to my waist. Like she was crafted for me exactly, her leg fit perfectly against my hip so that we were pressed snugly together. Though the strength of her hands was slight, the gentle pressure of them pulling me against her told me to wait no more.

Slowly, careful not to put too much weight on her, I rolled us over so that she lay on her back, and my body covered hers. She moved her other leg out of the way and then up so that it too rested against my hip, and I knelt between her legs. Bella was emitting a rich aroma that had me feeling dizzy. Her racing heart pounded against my silent one, and I felt the echo of its beat all over. I had never felt more alive than I did at that moment, with Bella's arms wrapped around me and her body spread out beneath me.

I met her eyes and started laughing at the same time she did. I wasn't sure what we were laughing at, perhaps it was just our joy in the moment, but I chuckled as I kissed her again and again.

Supporting my weight with one arm, I slid the other beneath her so that I gripped her round bottom. Sternly telling myself not to hold her too tight, I sought and found her inviting entrance. Her warm breaths in my ear sped up to a rapid pant as I eased into her. Her incredible warmth enveloped me, and I didn't bother trying to hold back the groan that escaped me as I pressed myself inside her.

Though she'd been laughing only moments earlier, she grew tense, sucking her breath in a sharp hiss through her teeth. Afraid that I was causing her pain, I paused and studied her expression. She was grimacing with her eyes squeezed shut, but her legs tightened against my sides, and her hands pressed against my back, encouraging me not to stop. Carefully watching her face, I flexed my hips so that I moved within her, just slightly. Her breaths deepened and the furrows on her brow smoothed out, and my lips curved into a smile as she relaxed.

Encouraged by her reaction, I pressed farther, but she immediately grew tense once more. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her, but there was nothing that I could do that would entirely prevent that. Setting my teeth, I realized it might be better to just get that part over with. Catching her mouth in an attempt at distracting her, I kissed her fervently and, with one steady motion, took her virginity.

 _"Mm!"_ She whimpered against my mouth, and I smelled a light flow of her blood that set my throat ablaze.

"Oh. Oh, Bella," I gasped as I pressed my cheek against hers. "I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry." Why did it always have to be me that hurt her? And why was it that something which had caused her pain had felt _good_ to me? Ah, God, so _very_ good.

"No. No, it's okay. I'm okay," she mumbled against my shoulder.

Releasing my grip on her, I stroked her hair and covered her face with kisses. My lips brushed against her mouth, along her nose, and found a salty wetness at the corner of her eye. Concerned, I moved back and watched her until she met my eyes. Despite her reassurances, I didn't dare move again while she lay tense underneath me.

She reached up and ran her hands along my cheeks and jaw. "I'm okay."

I tried to find it in me to suggest that we stop, that I had risked her life enough for one night, but my entire being cried out at the thought of leaving her warm embrace. Giving in to my overwhelming need of her, I leaned down to taste her lips again. She began to relax as we kissed, and I let out a sigh of relief.

Not wanting to leave her warmth, but finding the need to move irresistible, I lightly rolled my hips against hers. She gasped, and her eyes widened, but when her lips curved upward just slightly, I repeated the motion. The tension slowly left her muscles as she joined me in a dance that required no music other than the sound of her beating heart. Losing my fear that I was hurting her, I pulled away from her, able to do so solely because that was the only way I could slide back into her.

The rest of the world dwindled away until nothing remained but the woman in my arms and the large bed in which we lay. My head was swimming with her scent and the sound of her pulse, with the knowledge that she was mine and I was hers, and this night was only the first. I had the rest of eternity to make love with Bella, as often as I wanted. The joy I felt at this realization translated itself to my movements as I slid into her again, and then again.

Making love with my beloved Bella was unlike anything I had dared to imagine. From the start, the simplest of her touches had been pure pleasure. Pressing my lips against hers had been divine - especially once I no longer feared I would bite her - but I had never been able to fully express the way my body needed hers, or the way hers made me feel.

For far too long I had been separated from her by clothes and blankets. I'd had to protect her from my cold skin, and I'd had to protect her virtue. Touching her bare skin had been inappropriate before, but now, Bella's body was mine to enjoy. This night - our _wedding_ night - there was nothing to stop me from merging our bodies together. I was wrapped in Bella's warm love at last, as I had wanted to be for so long, but was unprepared for the way it felt to bury myself inside of her.

She felt so good against me, under me, around me. My nerves sang with her energy, and I knew exactly where she had touched me and where she hadn't. Her fingers grazed down my back, and her toes curled against my calves. Her thighs pressed against my hips, her stomach against mine, and her breasts against my chest. Curling her legs around me, she angled her hips so that she rose up to meet me, and it was all I could do not to shift our slow rhythm into one that would have been much less gentle.

 _"Bella,"_ I moaned. I grabbed her hips and held her still, fighting against my instincts. I _needed_ to move with her and to feel her moving with me. More than that, I needed to give myself over to our lovemaking without restraint, the way that she was doing.

Her eyes searched my face. "Edward?"

"Just... just give me a moment."

Her worried look was replaced with a small smile as she caressed my face and ran her hands through my hair.

My hands left her hips as I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her neck. I reminded myself sternly of how delicate and breakable she was. Although I didn't seem to have hurt her yet, that didn't mean I wouldn't if I didn't remain careful.

But I didn't want to have to _be_ careful!

But I did want her to survive. No, I _needed_ her to survive, and that need superseded any others I might have. Taking a few deep breaths, I gained control over myself once more and sighed in relief.

"Tolerable?"

"Not remotely," I said with a laugh and resumed my careful pace.

Being gentle with my beloved Bella didn't mean I couldn't give in to my other needs. My hands couldn't stop touching her, and they roved from her shoulders to her hips, curling around to cup her soft bottom so that I might pull her tighter against me, or snaking between us to palm the perfect circles of her breasts.

Ah, God, but she was exquisite! Every kiss she planted on my neck and shoulders, and each sound that she made brought me a pleasure that was only exceeded by that which I was feeling where we were joined together. Her sighs, her gasps, and whenever she would make a low "Mmmm" in the back of her throat were all oh, so sweet, but the best sound she made was when she would say my name. Bella panted my name into my ear, clutched herself tighter to me, and trembled.

They had been right - whoever _they_ were, I couldn't remember right then - when they had said that sex wasn't like anything else. It was better than any pleasure I had ever known, even better than drinking human blood. What I had felt then had always been tainted by the terrified thoughts of my prey. That ecstasy had been fleeting, a brief candle in the midst of my despair, and the humans' blood had never lasted long enough.

The only thing that came even close to what I was feeling as we made love was when I had drunk Bella's blood. No other human had ever equaled her pure taste, her rich flavor, or the way the fire in my throat had been quenched with the very first drop. Yet the memory of her perfect taste was tainted with shame that I had allowed her to be hurt in the first place, that I took such pleasure in drinking her blood, and fear that I wouldn't stop, that I would kill her myself.

There was nothing shameful about the joy I was feeling in her body this night, and I had lost my fear that I was hurting her. Her motions against me, and her soft sounds of pleasure told me that what I was making her feel was far from painful. We were married, husband and wife. She was my other half, the missing piece of me, and making love with my Bella was absolutely right. After being the source of so much pain and fear in her life, it thrilled me that I had the privilege of making her feel good.

My face was buried in her neck, and my lips were pressed against her throat, against the pulse of her blood. I had kissed her neck and throat countless times before, and had loved the trust she had shown in allowing me to do so, but the moment the memory of drinking her blood surfaced, I tasted a flood of venom and found my mouth creeping open against the soft skin of her throat. Her pulse was a siren's call that I instinctively needed to answer, and for one long moment, not doing so seemed an impossibility.

I was a vampire, and Bella had the sweetest, most potent blood of any human I had ever met. What was more, I already knew exactly how even one drop would flood my entire being with pleasure. I was inside of her, and her blood inside of me would complete the circle of our connection.

It was that first day in Biology all over again, only now, it wasn't just her scent which beckoned me. I needed her blood like a human needed air, and this time it was _right there,_ thrumming against my lips, begging to be drunk. The past century of denying my thirst had been pointless. I had no choice in the matter; I was going to bite her, and the instant her blood hit my tongue, I would lose even the desire to stop. There would be no thoughts of changing her, only of drinking every drop of her delicious perfection.

The man would be gone and the monster reborn. Bella would be dead, and eternity with her would be lost.

No.

 _No!_

Before my teeth brushed against her skin, I whipped my head to the side, searching for something, _anything,_ that wasn't Bella to sink my teeth into. Biting her then would have been inexcusable, even if I had managed to not kill her, but to change her instead.

As my teeth tore into whatever it was, I fought against the desperate need to taste her blood and concentrated on the way it felt to be inside my Bella. The reward for my restraint was this, and not drinking her blood was a small price to pay for the chance to love her for the rest of eternity. The fire in my throat cooled, even as the fire that enveloped me heated up. Bella's body was a burning flame around me, writhing in time with my thrusts, and my name was on her tongue again.

Spitting out a bunch of feathers - _what the... why were there feathers in my mouth?_ \- I pressed my lips to her ear and breathed her name. I ran my hands along her arms, slid them beneath her to grip her shoulders, and down to her hips to guide her movements against me. I hadn't drunk her blood and wasn't going to, and nor did it seem that I was going to otherwise cause her harm. If I hadn't by then, I wouldn't. Surely I wouldn't. Abandoning all sense of caution, I lost myself in her body, her scent, her motions.

Bella's muscles convulsed around me, and I was overwhelmed by the way it felt to know that _I_ was bringing her pleasure. Every one of her cries brought me closer to my own long awaited climax until, shuddering and groaning her name, I felt a glorious release. Nothing could have prepared me for the ecstasy that swept through me as I poured myself into her. I didn't even have a name for everything that I was feeling. All I really knew was that I didn't want it to end. I rode out the sensations as I held her against me and rocked with the rhythm of her heartbeat.

Eventually we stilled. Coming back to myself, I realized I was resting almost all of my weight on her. With difficulty, I pulled away from her and scooted down to lay my ear over her heart. Her fingers combed through my hair and her breaths were ragged. Resting in her arms, though I wasn't physically tired, I listened to the sounds her body was making. Slowly, her breathing evened out, and I slipped a hand between us, cupping her breast simply because I knew that I could.

Laying in her embrace, with her legs loosely wrapped around me and the sounds of her living body filling my ears, I was exultant. We had made love! I hadn't killed her! Indeed, from what I could tell, she had enjoyed it every bit as much as I had. Carefully pressing my hands along the length of her, I tested for any wincing that would indicate that I had hurt her and found none. With a happy sigh, I relaxed in her arms and drifted along on the afterglow of love.


	13. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Some time later, I climbed off her and rolled onto my back, sending up a cloud of white fluff as I collapsed into the pile of pillows. Bella instantly rolled over to wrap her arms around my neck and entwine her legs with mine. She rested her head on my chest, and I wished she were able to hear my heart the way I had been listening to hers. Before she had taken more than a dozen breaths, I was certain that she was asleep.

The normally heady island breeze was swirling through the room. The salt which it carried enhanced the freesia-strawberry-honey-lilac smell that surrounded us. My eyes drifted shut, and I breathed in the intoxicating smell of our love-making. A grin overtook my face, and I sighed deeply. With Bella snuggled against me, I felt completely content and relaxed in a way I couldn't remember feeling before.

While Bella slept in my arms, I went over in detail the events of what I was certain would forever be the best day of my life. The enjoyable hunt, wrestling with my brothers, coming home to find the house decorated for our wedding, helping with the last details of setting up, my father fixing the tie on my tuxedo, waiting at the altar, and the glorious sight of my bride in her wedding dress all played out in vivid detail in my perfect memory. I licked my lips, remembering the taste of our first kiss as husband and wife. Humming the songs that had been playing, I relived our dances, each one of our kisses, and the way it felt to cradle her in my arms as I stepped over the threshold of the beach house. Wanting to ensure that my perfect recall would never fail me, I committed to my memory every second we had spent together that night.

After a century of loneliness, I had married my beloved Bella. She was forever my wife and mate, and my only regret was that I would never be able to complete our family structure. Well, no matter. I was what I was, and Bella had known that our future could never include a child. That didn't stop me from imagining a chestnut-haired, chocolate-eyed girl-child building sandcastles in the sun on our island, or a red-haired, green-eyed boy, swinging from the jungle trees. I chuckled softly, trying not to feel sad about a future that could never be. The future that _was_ was bright with promise. I had managed to make love to her without hurting her. At that moment, with Bella in my arms, I felt that anything was possible, even a future in which she remained innocent and pure.

I detected a change in the light against my closed lids and opened my eyes. The sun had risen and was slowly brightening the room through the open door and the wide wall of glass. The gauzy curtain that surrounded the bed was moving with the breeze, and my eye was caught by a swirling of white fluff. Focusing on it, I remembered the mouthful of feathers I had spit out and grinned ruefully. Apparently I would need to buy Esme a new pillow or two. Despite Emmett's certainty, I hadn't destroyed the bed, nor torn down any walls. Chuckling, I realized that last wasn't true. Certain walls had indeed been torn down last night.

Closing my eyes again, I reveled in the feeling of Bella's naked body pressed against the length of mine. The sun was shining brightly, but the time was unimportant. Bella had had a long night, and the only pressures on our time now were those of our own choosing. If she wanted to sleep all day, there was no reason why she shouldn't get to do so.

Except that... _I_ didn't sleep. While lying with her in my arms was undeniably pleasant, the joy we had shared that night had been far more than simply _pleasant._ I found myself wanting her again. She had slept for so many hours already! I wondered if she would really mind if I were to wake her. Giving in to a soft laugh, I thought that, considering what I had in mind, she wouldn't be upset at all. Judging by the sun's angle, it was nearly noon, and she had slept on the plane, too.

I grinned and ran a finger along her cheek, smoothing her tangled hair to the side. There was a feather stuck to her lip, and it moved with each breath she took until I plucked it away. She hadn't moved at all that night - or day, rather - and I was almost disappointed that she had slept so deeply since I loved to hear her sleep-talking. Reining in my disappointment, I thought that just meant she would be all the more prepared for round two. And this time, there wouldn't even be any initial pain.

My lips still curved in a smile, I gathered the thick curtain of her hair in my hands and exposed her face more fully to my gaze. Catching the strands that were looped about her throat, I shifted the tangled tresses over her shoulder. As my fingers brushed along the creamy smoothness of her skin, I noticed some smudges. She had showered before and after our swim; she shouldn't have been dirty. Brushing my fingers along the discoloration on her shoulder, I saw to my horror that my fingers fit into their pattern perfectly. Ice shot through me as I realized the smudges weren't dirt, they were _bruises._ Bruises that _I_ had left! My fingers had dug into her shoulder deep enough to mark her skin!

Why hadn't she said something?

Frowning, my eyes were transfixed for a long time on the five purplish blotches that marred her perfect skin. When had I done that? I had gripped her shoulders more than once. My hands had touched nearly every inch of her body last night, though I didn't remember gripping her any tighter on her shoulder than I had elsewhere. I gasped, worried, and lifted my head to gaze down the length of her.

"Oh," I whispered. My head shook, trying to deny what I was seeing. "Oh, Bella, no. What did I _do?"_

Clearly visible against her pale skin was my hand-print, repeated down the length of her entire body. I was sure that her other side, the one she was laying on, must look the same. I had wrapped my hand around her arm, and I could see exactly where my index finger had met my thumb. I had pressed her thighs against my hips, and the image of my hand stood out against her creamy skin in livid relief. I had held onto her hips, and the tips of my fingers had left clearly defined dots in a repeating pattern of four points along her waist. The single spots scattered about must have been left by my thumb. It was a wonder I hadn't broken her ribs; my hand was well-defined there, as though I had dipped it into purple paint and pressed it over her fragile rib-cage.

And those were just the ones that I could see. I had been inside her. Had I bruised her there, too?

Emmett had thought that I would break the bed at the very least, if not tear down half the house. Now, I wished that I had! Rather than turning my strength against the furniture, I had dug my fingers into _Bella._ I had been so pleased that I hadn't hurt her, but I _had!_

 _Why_ had she not stopped me?!

My eyes widened in horror. Or... had she tried to? Had she tried to tell me, but I was too absorbed in what I was feeling to pay her any attention? Carlisle had warned me against exactly that. He had told me to mind my actions carefully. I had ignored every word of caution he had counseled me with and reveled in the joy of her body with abandon. Had I raped her without even realizing it? She had called my name again and again, and I had gloried in the sound. Had she been trying to get my attention, trying to get me to stop?

 _No,_ I thought in disgust. _Please tell me that's not what happened!_

Nearly panicked, I brought my memory of the night back and replayed each second, ignoring the way it made me feel, searching for an instance when she had tried to push me away, for even a single second where she had not clung to me. There were none. Was she so oblivious to danger to herself that she couldn't even feel it?

With my eyes locked on her bruised skin, images I'd seen from years ago flickered through my mind. I had spent four years as a human hunter, and every one of the men I had killed had been monsters in one form or another. Esme had joined my family because of her monstrous husband; the awful man had hurt my mother for years before she had escaped. But though she had left him behind, her memories had remained, and I had seen the pictures in her mind of Charles's various hand-prints on her skin all too often. The bastard had been my first kill, and - unlike the other men whose lives I had ended - were he still alive today, I would kill him again, gladly. I didn't have to drink to kill.

The others had earned their deaths in a similar manner, either by killing their fellow humans, or by treating them the way Charles had treated Esme. So many of my victims had left marks on the skin of their women, and I had killed them for it. Now, it was my own precious wife whose skin was marked with bruises. Now, it was _my_ hands that had left them! If ever I had dared to believe that that I was not a monster, surely the image of Bella's bruised body as she lay trustingly in my arms was evidence of the truth.

I was a monster! I always had been and would forever be! I might not have raped her, but my lapse in control had still been wrong.

And I had been about to wake her to do it to her _again!_

She likely wouldn't have survived a second time. Now that I knew how good it felt, the craving for her body was stronger than it had been before. As with drinking blood, one taste simply wasn't enough; I wanted more. Unable to look at her anymore, I fixed my eyes on the ceiling, holding my body rigid with my hands clenched into fists as I waited for her to wake.

The angle of the sun told me that it was well past noon when Bella's breathing changed. Where it had been slow, deep, and steady, she took one that filled her lungs more fully. Carefully unclenching one fist, barely brushing my fingers against her skin, I traced her spine. Bella's arms tightened around my neck as she stirred. I waited for her to cringe in pain, to whimper or say something about what I had done, but she merely lay against me while I continued to graze my fingers over her back.

To my shock, she _giggled_. It was nothing like the sound I had expected to hear from her. It was light, carefree, and happy, and I couldn't understand it at all. Wasn't she in pain?

"What's funny?"

Rather than answer me, Bella's body ignited against mine. Her blush was startling to my cold skin. I had lost all of the warmth of the ocean, and my temperature was back to that of the dead creature that I resembled. Her living body made its needs known in an audible rumble from her stomach, and she laughed again.

"You just can't escape being human for very long."

I turned those words over in my mind, but couldn't detect any anger or accusations hidden within them. I clenched my teeth, waiting for her to acknowledge how I had hurt her.

Bella rose to one elbow, but I couldn't meet her eyes, and she flinched at last. "Edward? What is it? What's wrong?"

"You have to ask?" I didn't see how she wasn't angry or at least _aware_ of the bruising. Though I waited, she didn't speak again, and I finally glanced at her.

My beloved wife stared at me with fear in her eyes. I saw a bruise I hadn't noticed before, just below her eye from where I had pressed my cheek against hers.

There was a crease between her brows like I had seen so often, that look of bewildered confusion that had always captured my thoughts. Reaching out a finger, I traced the crease carefully, reminding myself of what I seemed to have forgotten last night. Bella was made of glass, fragile and so breakable. Though the sounds of her body were loud in my ears - her heart, her breathing, her stomach as it called for her to fill it - her mind was as unreachable as ever, and the old curiosity plagued me.

"What are you thinking?"

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I - "

Ah, God, she thought I was angry with _her?_ Grimly, I said, "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth - don't try to downplay it."

Her eyes widened. "Hurt?"

I glared at her.

She never looked away from my face, but I felt the ripple of her body as she stretched her legs and arched her back. Though she moved her whole body, I never felt her flinch. I knew her nerves worked; she had felt both pleasure and pain before. Was her body as blind to my actions as her eyes were?

Her lips pressed into a pout as she frowned. "Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now."

Unable to look into her eyes any longer, I closed mine. "Stop that."

"Stop _what?"_

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

Her breath rushed out of her and she breathed my name. "Don't ever say that."

"Look at yourself, Bella," I demanded. "Then tell me I'm not a monster." Just as she always was, Bella was blind where it came to me and my actions. I had to make her see!

She looked down and gasped. I waited for her to say it, but instead she wondered, "Why am I covered in feathers?"

I let out my breath in a huge gust, unsurprised by how much I was dreading the words that I was sure were coming. This delay only made it worse, and my voice was nearly a growl when I spoke. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."

"You... bit a pillow? _Why?"_

"Look, Bella!" Almost afraid to even touch her, I took her hand, stretched out her arm, and pointed to the discolorations that were getting darker. "Look at _that."_

She blinked, and a look of surprise crossed her face at what I was showing her. Had she really not known they were there? Had she not felt me bruising her last night? I watched as her eyes traveled down the length of her body. She pulled her hand out of my loose grasp and poked at one of the bruises my fingers had made on her other arm. The color changed briefly, paling before flaring back to a livid purple. She frowned, and the confused expression told me that she didn't still understand.

Barely touching her skin, trying to keep my hand from shaking with my shame, I fit my fingers into the patterns they had made on her body.

"Oh." Her face cleared of its confusion, but there were no emotions to replace it. No condemnation, no anger, not even a blush.

"I'm... so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have - " My voice caught in my throat and a noise of disgust forced its way out as I remembered how much I had enjoyed loving her, how much I wanted to do so again. Why was it always I, who loved her, who was the one that hurt her and put her in danger? I forced myself to speak again before hiding my face from her. "I am more sorry that I can tell you."

Bella was still and silent beside me for a long moment while I waited, motionless and in dread. I felt the gentle touch of her hand on my arm, but didn't dare respond.

"Edward," she finally said.

Just hearing my name on her lips was nearly more than I could bear. My body recalled the last time I had heard that, and it wanted to respond. Firmly, I suppressed the need I always felt for her, and stayed where I was.

"Edward?" she repeated.

If I moved even a fraction of an inch, I was afraid that I would run away from her, and if I did, I might never stop. Or, if I didn't run, surely I would give in to the other need in me, the one that was demanding that I merge my body with hers once more. Denying the opposing parts of me, I remained motionless.

 _"I'm_ not sorry, Edward. I'm... I can't even tell you. I'm _so_ happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f- "

Her words were soft, gentle, and soothing, but the effect they had on me was the opposite of what she intended. Furious that she was dismissing the danger I had placed her in - _yet again!_ \- my voice was harsh when I interrupted her. "Do not say the word _fine._ If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine."

"But I _am."_ Her voice was barely a whisper, but in the quiet room, it rang clearly and with absolute certainty.

"Bella. Don't," I pleaded with her.

"No. _You_ don't, Edward." Her voice that time was harsh, the angry sound I kept waiting for, but it was not directed at my previous actions. Rather, she seemed angry that I felt bad for hurting her.

Uncomprehending, I looked back at her.

"Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy," she insisted.

"I've already ruined this."

"Cut it out!"

My teeth were clenched against the angry words I wanted to say. I wanted to hear her anger, I _deserved_ it, but she wasn't angry with me for the right reasons.

"Ugh! Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient_ to be a mental mute!"

Shocked, I stared at her. She had never expressed a desire to have me read her thoughts before. As frustrating to me as it was to not hear them, could it be as frustrating to her that I couldn't? I'd always thought she was glad of the fact. "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today." Her mouth pressed into an angry line as she shook her head.

"Why?"

Bella rolled her eyes, throwing her hands into the air. Her hands made a loud slapping sound against my chest that must have stung her, but she didn't react to the impact, nor did she seem to feel any pain as she moved her bruised shoulders.

"Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I _was_ perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now - well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

Blissed out? Her choice of words was nearly amusing since that was how _I'd_ felt afterwards. At least, until I'd discovered what I'd done to her. I was right to be angry with myself over my loss of control, just as she should have been. "You _should_ be angry with me."

"Well I am. Does that make you feel better?"

I sighed, knowing that the reason for her anger wasn't the right one, so it didn't count. And even if it had been, it certainly wouldn't have made me feel _better._ "No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now."

 _"That,"_ she growled at me.

I blinked in surprise at her tone.

"That right there is why I'm angry. You're _killing my buzz,_ Edward."

Would I ever understand her? She was only upset because _I_ was upset that I'd hurt her, that I had nearly killed her! How could she not see how close I had come? How could she not be angry with me for _that?_

When she spoke again, her voice was gentle, like I would expect to hear if she were speaking to a small child, not the vampire who'd nearly killed her on so many occasions. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then - well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." She gestured to my hand-prints dismissively. "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice - "

She stopped speaking abruptly when she met my eyes. Judging by the fury I felt, my expression must have been _livid._ Had I ever been so angry with her? She'd _assumed_ I would hurt her? No wonder she wasn't angry that I had done so; she had expected it!

"Assumed?" I hissed. "Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones - that equals a victory?"

I was trembling with fury, nearly gasping from the force of it. In stark contrast to the storm of my anger, Bella was a calm center. Her expression was patient, if a little sad. She maintained her silence until my breathing slowed.

"I didn't know what to expect - but I definitely didn't expect how... how... just wonderful and perfect it was." She blushed at the admission, and her eyes left mine to stare at where her hands rested against my chest. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."

Slowly reaching a finger out to place under her chin, I tilted her head, trying to look into her eyes again. They were the best windows into what she was truly thinking, but she kept them averted from me. Having just admitted to enjoying sex with me, she seemed rather embarrassed, and I tried to interpret her words. _I don't know how it was for you..._ My silly Bella never saw herself clearly, and I knew how self-conscious she could be. Could she think that I was displeased with her? Or disappointed? Could she not know what making love to her had done to me?

"Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't _enjoy_ myself?"

Still refusing to meet my eyes, she mumbled, "I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

Although it was possible that she was lying to herself, I didn't think she was lying to me. Bella was always truthful, and if she said that she had enjoyed our love-making, well, that _had_ been the impression she'd given me last night. But surely she could have seen that I had enjoyed it, too! As self-conscious as Bella was, could she believe making love with her had not been the best thing to happen to me? Apparently my anger, at the very least, was giving her that impression.

I felt my lips twisting down. Now I was hurting her in another way. She looked so sad, when she'd said she had been happy before. Finally, she looked back into my eyes, her expression as shy and uncertain as it had been before our swim.

Needing her to see that she wasn't at fault, I said, "It seems that I have more to apologize for. I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't... well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were..."

I trailed off, unable to admit to how close I'd come to biting her. Her every action last night had been perfect, and I wanted her to know it. Yet, as much as I had enjoyed experiencing her love, I hadn't even been close to being in control of myself, and her body showed the results of that lapse.

At my words, her lips curved in a hopeful smile. "Really? The best ever?"

Carefully, all too aware of the fragile glass and silk nature of the woman in my arms, I put my palms against either side of her face, cradling her gentle beauty in between my large, stone hands. Slowly, I tried to tell her what I had done in my attempt to protect her.

"I spoke with Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course, he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you." I swallowed hard. As if I had needed _that_ particular warning. Yet despite his warnings, and his advice, I had disregarded everything he'd said. I had allowed my instincts to guide me, and had gotten lost in Bella's embrace, and she had gotten hurt. "He had faith in me, though - faith I didn't deserve."

Bella opened her mouth, and I could only imagine that she was about to agree with him, but I couldn't bear to hear her say so. I placed a finger over her lips to stop the words.

"I also asked him what _I_ should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me... what with my being a vampire. Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways." I felt my lips twisting again, only this time it was into a true smile. "But he said I did not need to worry about that part - you had already changed me so completely."

Bella smiled back, her love for me shining in her rich, brown eyes.

"I spoke with my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood. But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than _that..._ " I frowned, remembering how tempted I'd been to experiencing the ultimate ecstasy of drinking her blood while reveling in the joys of her body. I shivered a little, just at the thought. But if I had bit her, that would have been the end. Keeping her alive, refraining from that indulgence, I could love her again and again... if I dared. "I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."

"It _was_ more," she whispered fervently. "It was everything."

"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

She frowned and her lips curled in indignation. "What does _that_ mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"

Grimly, I pointed out the truth to her. "To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes."

I was about to point out each and every one of them, but she grabbed my face in her hands and leaned close to me with a fierce burning in her eyes. I stared into them, seeing the fiery soul that I loved so much glaring back at me. Despite her expression, I was shocked by the force she put behind her words when she spoke.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. _I've_ never been so happy in all my life - I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me... Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio, or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it."

The mention of the studio made me flinch as I recalled all too well the sound of her shrieks from James torturing her, the sight of her mangled body on the floor, and - worse and better than any of those - the perfection I had tasted as I drank her life's essence, her blood in my mouth, in my body, the way it had felt as she filled every one of my senses. There had been a long moment when her blood had first hit my tongue that I had _wanted_ to keep going. I had thought that nothing could ever convince me to stop. But then, some other part of me had remembered whose blood I was drinking. The monster within me had raged against my control, but I had beaten him back. Somehow, I _had_ stopped. And as a direct result, I was holding Bella in my arms now. I had made her my wife and my mate, and she said I had made her happy.

But that's not what I was currently doing. The deep crease was back between her brows and her mouth was a tight line of anger. Whispering as I touched the line between her brows again, I said, "I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."

"Then don't _you_ be unhappy. That's the only thing wrong here," she said, firmly.

I watched her face for any sign that differed from her words. Finding none, I breathed deeply and nodded. As Carlisle had told me, I should make our honeymoon about her, and my sins were not hers to worry about. "You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy, now."

She narrowed her eyes at me, seeming to disbelieve my words. Knowing that she always saw through me, I forced a smile onto my face, determined to see to it that she enjoyed the rest of our honeymoon. If she wanted me to be happy, then that's what I would be.

"Whatever makes me happy?" she pressed as her stomach made its needs known again.

"You're hungry." It had been many hours since she had eaten at the wedding, and then only sparingly. Sliding from her embrace, I stood and rummaged in my trunk for a pair of pants.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?"

I glanced back at her, and at any other time would have laughed aloud as she shook her head. A cloud of fluff swirled around her as the feathers she dislodged from her hair moved with the breeze and her motions. I ran my fingers back and forth through my hair, certain that I would find the remnants of the pillows stuck to me, as well.

"I don't know if I _decided_ to do anything last night. We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." I inhaled sharply at the instant craving as I remembered how close I had come. No, there had been very little decision making on my part. I had acted on instinct alone, exactly the _opposite_ of everything I had been told to do. Well, it had also been my instinct to keep her alive, and so she was. And she had told me to be happy.

And truly, I was.

I'd made Bella my wife the day before, and since she was alive today, I would keep her that way for as long as possible. And when it no longer was, I would have the very great privilege of making love to her until the end of time. Until then, it was my job to keep her happy and safe. I'd had a century of practice pretending to be human, and although Bella always saw through me, I thought that if I tried very hard, I might convince her that I was happy.

I placed a smile on my face that almost felt real.

Bella sat up and slid to the edge of the bed, raised her arms above her head and indulged in a stretch. Though she hadn't winced before, I saw her do so now, and stared at her, aghast. Before, laying in bed with me, much of what I'd done to her had been hidden, but now, with her beautiful body exposed to me fully, I could see the extent of the damage I'd done. Even so, seeing her moving that way made my desire for her flare again.

I gasped and turned away from her, my fists clenched. I wasn't sure what was worse: the sight of her bruised body, or the fact that it took everything in me not to go to her so that I might do it again! My muscles locked into place, and I stood in the doorway like a statue.

"Do I look that hideous?"

A choked noise escaped from me at her attempted joke. She was moving very carefully as she stood and walked across the room. She groaned, and the sound was a combination of frustration and disgust. I was instantly behind her, watching her stare at herself in the mirror.

"Bella?"

"I'll _never_ get all this out of my hair!" She pointed to the remains of the pillows that I had destroyed and began sliding her fingers through the thick curtain of hair, attempting to pull the individual feathers from where they'd dried in place.

"You _would_ be worried about your hair." Almost being murdered by her husband or looking as though he had beaten her senseless was nothing to worry about. Of course she wouldn't care. But a few feathers in her hair was surely worthy of her anger. Taking care not to touch her skin or pull any hairs out, I pinched the feathers, carefully tugging them loose from her silky tresses.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous." She rolled her eyes and smiled as she tried to catch my eye in the mirror, but I kept my focus on the feathers I was removing. Her mouth twisted slightly, grimacing at my lack of a response I guessed, but what could I say that I hadn't already?

After I had only removed a small portion of the sticky fuzz, she dropped her hands and shook her head. "This isn't going to work. It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out."

My beloved wife turned abruptly and wrapped her arms around my waist before I could stop her. Her naked chest pressed against mine, and she smiled coyly. I hadn't seen such an expression on her face before and froze.

"Do you want to help me?"

I'd stopped myself from watching her as she showered after our swim, but now she was inviting me into the shower with her. I could imagine all too vividly the way it would feel to lather shampoo into her hair, to feel the water warm my skin so that I matched her again, to let the silken mass trail through my fingers and down my arms as I helped her remove the evidence of our love-making. A fire swept through me at the thought, but if I were to allow myself such an experience, it would not end well.

And she needed to eat.

Carefully, barely touching her skin, I unwound her arms from my waist. "I'd better find some food for you." As soon as I released her, I fled from the room. From where I came to a halt in the kitchen, I heard her soft sigh before she turned the water on.

Gripping my hair and pulling, I moaned, breathing heavily. Didn't she understand?

No, of course she didn't. She never understood that I was a danger to her, that I was destined to kill her, that I was doing everything in my power to keep her alive, even as she did everything in _hers_ to make that task impossible! Scowling back at my nearly deranged expression in the reflective surfaces of the various kitchen appliances, I thought that she must be one of the most stubborn creatures to have ever existed.

The exasperation I'd been feeling shifted into a sense of deviousness. My eyes narrowed as a tight smile crossed my face. Stubborn she might be, but so was I!

I had resisted her advances many times before. That I'd had a taste of what physical love felt like was no different from tasting her blood and not killing her. I had resisted _that;_ surely I could resist this. I had many weapons at my disposal. This island was a location worthy of our honeymoon, and I was more familiar with it than with any other place on Earth. I could use her very humanity against her; she had physical needs which I no longer shared.

Not that I didn't _have_ needs, just that hers were not the same and were not something that could be fought with willpower alone. She required rest, just as she required food. She had already had the one, and it was up to me to provide the other before she finished her shower. After she ate, I could take her to see Esme's island and show her its wonders. Should she become tired as we explored, this house had plenty of beds from which to choose. Would I be to blame for keeping her entertained?

Holding my breath against the smell, I prepared a breakfast for her. She'd tried to hide it from me, but Esme was more than a little jealous that I would be the first to cook in her kitchen. Although we had made fun of her for doing so, now that I was using it, I was glad she had equipped the place with modern appliances. I'd have to remember to thank her.

I was sliding the omelet onto a plate when, clean and clad in a light cotton dress, my beloved wife padded into the kitchen. Bella sniffed appreciatively as I slid the plate in front of her.

"Here." The smile on my face this time was genuine. Bella was - mostly - fine, and she would recover from the damage I had done. We would spend the next few weeks with nothing to do but entertain each other, and I was determined that she would have a good time. Then, we would return home, prove to the wolves that I hadn't killed her, see her father at least once more, and then... well, then we would see.

* * *

 **A/N**

Alright, who else wants to slap Edward? For the sake of drama, it may make a better story for him to react as he does (and yes, I do understand why, but that doesn't mean I like it) but I _so_ wish Bella had woken to the Edward who wanted to wake her and love her again rather than the angry, accusatory one. Sigh. Well, as I've said, I won't change canon no matter how much I'd like to. Happy Edward will return. Eventually.

On a personal note...

*bakes confetti* *throws cakes*

Last week's chapter was a landmark for me (having nothing to do with content). I have officially passed half a million posted words! Whaaaaa? :-O Holy crow. To everyone who has stuck with me through all of them: Thank you so much! There's lots more to come. See you next week!

~L


	14. Isle Esme

**Isle Esme**

The kitchen was full of the smells of burning animal fat, sulfur, an odd curdled scent that seemed to come from the melting cheese, and an awful metallic odor that came from either the new appliances or the pan I had used. I had smelled worse things in my existence, but I hadn't planned on eating them, nor serving them to someone else to eat. Bella, however, seemed to think it smelled good. Judging by the way she began to shovel the omelette into her mouth, it tasted good, too.

In fact, she was eating so fast that I frowned, concerned. Humans were so fragile, and Bella more than most. Their bodies required regular sustenance, and it had been many hours since she had last eaten. Perhaps I should have fed her as soon as we'd arrived, but I'd had other things on my mind. Sliding into the chair across the table from her, I watched her as she sucked air into her mouth to cool the hot bite as she chewed.

"I'm not feeding you often enough."

She shrugged as she swallowed. "I was sleeping. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."

My mouth twisted into a grin. "Food Network." Esme had been highly amused when I'd started watching her favorite channel with her, considering how much I detested human food.

My lovely bride smiled back at me, a natural grin that crinkled the edges of her eyes. "Where did the eggs come from?"

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers..." I stopped speaking, able to imagine only too well the looks on their faces when they saw the mess I had made. It wasn't something they had never seen before. Emmett and Rosalie were well known for their rambunctiousness. Of course, the humans were already nervous over the fact that I had asked them to bring food into our house, when that _was_ something we'd never before done.

Bella quickly finished the plate of food, laying her fork down with a small sigh once she was done. "Thank you," she said as she leaned across the table toward me.

Drawn to her like a moth to a flame, I closed the distance between us, but the moment our lips met, my body made its demands known to me again, and I pulled away from her.

When I glanced back toward her, Bella's full lips were twisted into an angry pout. "You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?"

It was less a question than a statement; she knew as well as I did that I would never willingly risk her life. But I also knew that the fact made her unhappy. Trying to illicit a smile, I reached across the table and brushed my fingertips over her fragile cheeks. She pressed her face against my palm, seeming to need my touch just as much as I did hers.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I know," I agreed, forcing my hand away from her face. "And you're right. I will not make love with you again until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."

I said the words firmly, meaning every one of them, though they tore at my throat and my body cried out against them. Grabbing the plate from in front of her, I returned to the kitchen and had my mess cleaned up within seconds, though the horrid smell remained. Striding over to the wide doors and various windows, I threw them all open, coaxing the constant ocean breeze to flow through the house and clear the air.

Returning to the seat across the table from her, I thought about what we should do for the rest of the day. It was only mid-afternoon, and there was plenty of daylight left. "So what would you like to do today?"

She leaned her elbow on the table, rested her chin in her hand, and smiled at me with steady eyes.

Rolling mine, I said, "Aside from the obvious."

She pressed her lips together in an adorable pout.

It was time to suggest some distractions - something _both_ of us needed. Salt water was good for bruising, and a leisurely swim would help loosen her muscles. "Have you ever snorkeled?"

Bella shook her head.

I grinned, excited to show her the island's secrets. "I'm sure Alice packed some swimsuits. Why don't you put one on? There's a great reef not far from here."

Heaving a sigh, she headed to the bedroom to change, while I gathered a few supplies. I had never snorkeled either, but I had listened to plenty of humans who had, and had brought along some gear that I thought she would approve of. Turning at the sound of her soft steps, I froze. Bella was dressed in a deep blue, one-piece bathing suit that hid much of the damage I'd done to her body, though not the bruises on her arms, shoulders, or legs. That sight wasn't what froze me, though. It was all of her alluring curves, hidden behind the thin material, yet accentuated by the snug fit.

In Forks, she was so often dressed in bulky sweaters, baggy t-shirts, or old sweats. After years of living with Rosalie and her insistence on being outfitted in the latest fashions, which was only fueled by Alice's similar shopping fixation, I adored Bella's casual manner of dressing. Though she did occasionally wear a dressier shirt or skirt - and I enjoyed seeing her in them - I had never seen her wear something that revealed so much, while keeping her body hidden. It was unbelievably enticing, and I was, for a long moment, captivated as I watched her casually strolling toward me, twisting her hair into a knot at the back of her neck.

After my years as a human hunter, there had been a side of me that I had hated. The monster within me had never ceased his demands for human blood, despite all that I had done to tame him. It had taken Bella's death - or my belief that she was dead - for me to finally defeat him. _That_ monster was forever gone. Yet now, I found another one in his place. This one was new and unfamiliar. It craved Bella in ways which I had only vaguely been familiar with before.

This monster was no demon craving blood, and it was not thirst that he felt. Rather, it was an animalistic hunger, primal and consuming, and easy to name. It was _lust._ I had wanted Bella in every way possible from the first moment I'd laid eyes upon her and had fought off the worst of them, but this was nearly impossible to deny. Tearing my eyes from her shapely curves to look at her sweet face, I fixed my gaze on the small bruise on her cheek and gritted my teeth.

Forcing my face to form a smile, I made my voice casual. "I'll only be a moment." Bolting to the bedroom, I changed into a pair of swim trunks and grabbed a few towels and the sunscreen from her travel bag. Firmly, I reminded myself that my needs would wait. Bella would be a vampire soon enough, and then...

I chuckled, remembering Esme's prediction that newlywed vampires would tear her house apart. It was only a few months, if that long. I had waited a century. I could do this. I could deny my need for her, keep her alive, and return from our honeymoon so that we could start our eternity.

Returning to her side at a more decorous pace, I found her examining the snorkel set I had left on the table.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked with a frown.

I nodded firmly. "Yes. I think you will find it eminently enjoyable."

She eyed the snorkel skeptically. "If you say so."

Holding back a laugh, I gestured toward her with the sunscreen. "I don't want you to burn."

Bella took the tube and started smearing the thick paste over her arms and down her legs. Fool that I was, I couldn't help but to watch her, though when she glanced my way, I busied myself with stuffing the towels into a beach bag and filling a giant container with drinking water.

"Will you get my back?"

I turned back to her to see a guileless smile on her face, but the twinkle in her eyes made me question her motives. However, I couldn't expect her to go without protection just because she couldn't reach a spot - especially on her back, which would be getting the most sun exposure. Taking firm control of myself, I applied the greasy stuff, spreading it over the hard to reach places until she was fully covered. Surely she knew what touching her again would do to me! My teeth were clenched tight enough to pulverize granite, but my fingers barely grazed her skin.

Far more difficult to deal with was the need for her to cling to my back again as I swam toward the submerged reef. Feeling her once again wrapped about my body, it took all of the skills I had gained in resisting her over the past few months not to let her see how pleasant I found her embrace to be.

Upon arriving at the reef for which I'd been aiming, she released me and inspected the simple gear. "How am I supposed to... oh, I don't know... _not_ drown?"

"It has a float. See?" Tilting the snorkel back and forth so that she could watch the part as it moved, I demonstrated the rather ingenious mechanism. "When you go under, the top seals. You can breathe out if you need, but the water won't be able to get in. When you surface again, it opens, and you can breathe." Seeing her continued look of distrust, I laughed. "Just try it."

Once she had the goggles on, I fought a laugh while she blinked at me and wriggled her nose behind the clear plastic. We made sure she had a good seal all around her eyes, adjusting the tightness of the straps until no water leaked in. She tucked the mouthpiece between her lips, gripped it with her teeth, and breathed experimentally.

I nodded encouragingly, and she stretched out to float on the surface with her face in the water. I ducked under to see her delighted expression. Even around the mouthpiece, I could see her smiling. I motioned with my hand that she should dive under, and she did. Her look of surprise was comical, and I let loose a stream of bubbles. Bella wrinkled her nose at me, floating to the surface again with her face still in the water. Her chest expanded, and I knew that she was breathing, just as I had assured she would be able to do.

After a few more quick dives, she gained confidence, and we began to swim through the colorful reef. Exploring the corals with Bella in the crystal clear water was more fun than it had ever been on my own or even with my family. It was also quite a relief to see her moving so freely. It seemed what she had told me was true. She _was_ fine. Despite all of her bruises, I had not damaged her so badly as I had at first thought. Not that that excused my actions, or allowed me any freedom to dream that I could repeat the experience without killing her the second time.

We saw many different schools of brightly colored fish. Some were solid orange, yellow or blue, others had nearly every color of the rainbow in their patterns. There were anemones along with the accompanying clown fish darting in and out of their tentacles. I stroked my finger against the flower-like fan worms, grinning at Bella as they disappeared into their holes before slowly unfolding again. Plucking a hermit crab off the ocean floor, I placed it in her hand, for once pleased with her lack of fear as she watched it crawl across her palm.

Watching my beloved bride sporting in the water, surfacing for a quick breath, and diving deep again or floating at the surface with her face submerged as she looked around at everything, I stayed under, not bothering to come up for air that I didn't need. It was easier to stay below without the useless bubble of air inside me, anyway. When she seemed to tire, I invited her to wrap her arms around my neck, and I swam for her. I thought that it was probably better for Bella's health that her mouth was inaccessible with the snorkel in place. Having gotten a good feel for her rhythm, I surfaced and dove and floated, just as she had, though I refrained from breathing.

Nearly a century earlier, Carlisle had swam with Esme, building her confidence, both in her new body and in him. I had seen the memory many times in both of their minds, and knew that it was a treasured one. Now, building a similar memory with my own mate, I fully understood why. The sights were so far removed from those we had experienced together before, and seeing her having fun was soothing.

How often had I been forced to see Jacob remember having fun with Bella on their bikes? How often had I been the source of fear in her life? I had always treasured her laughter and her smiles, and knowing that these smiles were both meant for and because of me healed something that had long been a source of pain.

When we returned to the house at last, I could tell by the way her eyes drooped that Bella was tired. I fixed a meal for her while she showered, and enjoyed her excited comments about the sea life we had seen. The sun hadn't quite set when Bella made herself ready for bed. I moved our trunks to another room as the feathers from the pillows I had destroyed were still swirling around the large suite. Throwing on a pair of loose trunks and a tee-shirt of my own, I expected us to match when she came to join me in the bed.

When she appeared in a flowing off-white satin gown instead, I blinked in surprise. Quickly gaining control of my facial features, I invited her into the bed with me. Bella's easy blush contrasted with the light gown, but she hastened to slide into the bed and wrap her arms around me. We kissed a few times, but before she could work up to anything more difficult to resist, she sighed and laid her head on my chest. Seconds later, my wife slept in my arms. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes and made plans for when she woke the next day.

From the start, we had lain like this, wrapped in each others arms while Bella slept and I listened to her dreams. This night, as with the previous one, she didn't talk, thrash about, or roll from side to side. She lay in my arms, with the length of her warm body pressed against mine, and didn't move the entire night.

Watching her eating her breakfast the next morning, I set my plans into motion. "I thought today we might do a bit of hiking."

Meeting my eyes with the last forkful of eggs paused halfway to her mouth, Bella paused before returning the fork to the plate, leaving the bite uneaten. "Hiking?"

"There are no meadows here, but the jungle has flowers that I doubt you will have seen before. I am certain we can find a nice clearing where you could eat a picnic lunch."

Though I knew how clumsy she was, she had seemed to enjoy hiking with me before, and I knew that she had hiked with Jacob. Despite those previous experiences, Bella frowned at me for a moment before breaking into a speculative smile. "I thought we might just be lazy today. You've got an entire wall of movies. We could snuggle on the couch and have a picnic in the living room instead."

At any other time, snuggling on a couch with Bella would have tempted me - but therein lay the problem. I didn't _want_ to be tempted. I knew only too well that I would be unable to resist playing with her hair and that would only lead to kissing her. And I knew where _that_ would lead.

Gesturing dismissively toward the giant television, I said, "We can save the movies for a rainy day. It looks like it'll be nice this morning, but I'd be willing to bet that by the time you finished with lunch, the day will be hot. A swim in the pool of a waterfall would feel nice." I drew out the last words, making my voice as persuasive as possible. Staring into her eyes, I did my best to dazzle her.

I was quite pleased when it seemed to work, and my blushing bride nodded. "That does sound good," she grudgingly allowed as she pushed the few remains of her uneaten breakfast away from her.

I laughed and said, "Go get dressed. Make sure you wear the hiking boots that Alice packed. You'll need them." Smirking, I snagged the plate from the table in front of her and began to prepare a lunch for her.

The previous day, she'd worn a one-piece bathing suit, and I had expected her to put on something similar under her usual baggy clothes. When she appeared wearing a tiny pair of shorts and a skimpy bikini top instead, I studiously concentrated on finishing packing her lunch and tried to avoid looking at her. I wondered if it was deliberate that she still had a button-down shirt in her hands which she slipped on, leaving it opened, but tying the bottom in a knot. Although they were already tied, Bella put her foot on one of the kitchen chairs, peeked at me out of the corner of her eyes, and made a show of tugging the laces of her boots tighter.

I'd been subjected to Tanya's blatant sexuality for years and had not been remotely interested. Though I could objectively admire her body - the woman _was_ attractive - her mind was repulsive, and I had never been tempted by her. The same held true for Kate and Irina. The Denali sisters were not the only women over the century to try to attract me, the latest one being Bella's friend, Jessica Stanley. I had detested the petty girl, and she had been offended when I'd coldly rejected her. Aside from Tanya and Jessica, I had seen more than my fair share of seductions, and had found myself moved by none of them.

Bella's shy attempts were nearly more than I could stand. Resisting her took every bit of my concentration, and I nearly gave in to her as she wrapped her arms about my waist. I realized my eyes had been drawn back to her against my will, and I'd been standing motionless, just watching her since she had entered the room.

She pressed her body against mine and smiled up at me. "Okay, I'm ready."

Finding it necessary to clear my throat, though there was nothing blocking it, I smiled down at her. "Good. Great. Um." Feeling like an idiot, I unwound her arms from my waist, but linked my hand through hers. Throwing the backpack with her lunch and some towels over a shoulder, I tugged her from the house.

We spent the morning roaming the jungle, and Bella seemed to enjoy the hike. Every time I met her eyes, she smiled at me, and I couldn't help but to smile back. She clung to my hand as I led her through the colorful trees, pointing out each one of the various flower species that we passed. When we reached the southern edge of the small island, I didn't need to draw her attention to the trees' inhabitants. The parrots that lived there had made themselves known long before we reached them with their loud calls and songs.

"Would you like to get closer?"

With a mischievous smile, Bella took her hand from mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I thought you'd never ask."

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. "To the birds, you silly girl."

She made a face and muttered, "Fine."

Gathering my courage, I dropped the backpack, pulled Bella onto my back, and scaled the trees to where the birds nested. She clung to me, her body as light as ever, her breath warm in my ear. When we were close to the top of the trees, I pulled her into my arms and positioned myself with my back against the trunk. Bella snuggled against my chest with her eyes on the colorful birds. Holding herself almost as still as a vampire, she watched as their curiosity overcame their fear and the birds drew closer to us.

One brilliantly colored fellow perched on the branch in front of us, eyeing us with one bright eye before turning the other upon us. He bobbed his head up and down, stretching out his crest above his head. Bella giggled and, with a screech and a flutter of his wings, he retreated to a neighboring branch, where he sat, scolding us with raucous calls.

"Shh," I laughed into her ear. "He will come back. See?"

The rather smart, social creature was as curious of us as we were of him, and he flitted from branch to branch, steadily getting close again before he hopped back onto the one we were perched on. Soon, we were surrounded by several of the braver birds. Since we remained still and quiet, they soon forgot us and returned to eating, preening, and courting.

Turning her head slowly, Bella whispered into my ear, "Look, those two are kissing."

"Parrots are interesting creatures," I whispered back. "Have you never watched them before?"

She shrugged and shook her head.

"Generally speaking, they mate for life, although sometimes they will seek new partners for various reasons. Those two," I nodded toward the ones she had pointed out, "are doing more than just displaying affection. They keep each other warm, free of parasites, and will bring treats to feed the other. I spent several days following a pair once. They were quite devoted to each other."

"Huh."

I looked at her curiously. She had sounded almost derisive. When she didn't elaborate, I pressed her. "What?"

Bella blushed, looking around at the birds without answering me.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Parrots mate for life... generally speaking." She lifted a shoulder. "That is nice, I suppose. But swans mate for eternity." Without warning, she squirmed in my lap so that she wrapped her arms around my neck. Her hands locked into my hair and she pressed herself against me. Before I could stop her, she was kissing me.

I loved kissing Bella. Her mouth was soft and sweet, and I loved the smell and taste of her breaths. Unable to stop myself, I wrapped my arms around her, and returned her kiss. Before we had gotten married, I had spent many hours kissing her, and had never hurt her. Although it had been difficult, I had always maintained control of myself. But that had been before the new hunger within me had been unleashed.

For a moment, I forgot where we were, held my lovely wife in my arms, and allowed myself the joy of experiencing her love. Her body spoke to mine, the rhythm of her heart and breathing coincided with an increase in her natural scent, telling me that she wanted me, maybe even as much as I wanted her. The instant I moved to shift us to a position better suited for what we both wanted, I recollected myself and where we were, took a hold of her, and slid from the branch. Landing lightly on the ground, I firmly - but carefully - unwound her from around me and stepped away to retrieve the bag with her lunch.

Her eyes showed her hurt when they met mine.

"No, Bella," I insisted.

"So I can't even kiss you now," she accused me.

I returned to her side and laid a hand on her cheek. Forcing a smile onto my face, I brushed my lips against hers again. "Of course you can. But you are a swan no longer, and Cullens don't roost in the trees."

Crossing her arms, she cocked her leg to one side and glared at me. "Funny, I thought it was _your_ idea to climb up there."

"To watch the birds, Bella." I pressed my lips into a hard line. "Or were you thinking I might like to destroy the trees they nested in?"

Steadily holding my eyes, she whispered, "You wouldn't've."

"And you know that how? Because I have somehow managed to avoid killing you thus far? That makes me a safe monster?"

Though she still held my gaze, her eyes filled with tears. "You're not."

"Exactly! I'm _not_ safe," I hissed and turned from her. I stalked slowly away, not wanting to leave her there, but expecting her to keep pace with me. I was several feet away from her when I heard her begin to follow.

Why did I have to ruin _everything?_ She had been happy and having fun. Now, I could hear her slow steps behind me stumbling through the trees which she had navigated with ease before.

Reaching the small island river, I turned along the edge to follow it downstream to a flat rock at the edge of the waterfall. I was laying her lunch on the blanket by the time she caught up to me. Feeling bad, I kept glancing at her, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. I watched as my sweet wife sat in front of the food and began to pick at a sandwich, not really eating it. I sighed softly and moved to squat beside her.

She averted her face from me, but I needed to see her eyes and cupped her chin to tilt her face toward me. Still refusing to look me in the eye, she pressed her lips together. Carefully, I stroked my thumb across them.

"Bella."

She tried to jerk her head from my gentle grasp, but I didn't let go.

"Bella, look at me, please."

Defiantly, she met my eyes, and I was shocked at how much anger was in them.

I tried to convey my remorse with mine. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin our day."

Her eyes lost their anger, and she sighed. Bella's full lips twisted into a pout as she studied me without speaking. Knowing it was useless, I stared back at her, trying to glimpse into her silent mind.

Finally, she spoke. "Will you do something for me?"

Although my first instinct was to say "anything," I knew that was no longer true. "What would you like?"

"Call me a monster."

Shocked, I dropped my hand away from her face. "What?"

"Call. Me. A - "

I was shaking my head back and forth. "No. Why would you say such a thing?"

"Why would you?"

"Bella, I know what I am," I growled.

"And what _I_ will be?"

"That is not the same thing. I will not let you kill."

"And you won't m-make love to me, either."

"Not until you're changed."

"Then change me now!" she demanded fiercely.

Before I'd realized it, I was on my feet and backing away from her, shaking my head again. Carlisle had told me to be prepared to change her when she asked it of me again, but I wasn't! Not _now._

She stood and advanced on me, her eyes pleading. "We made a deal! A compromise that you agreed to, Edward. If you won't change me, and you won't have sex with me, what was the point in even getting married?"

"The point!" Furious, I glared at her. "Is that all that it was to you? The price you had to pay to get what you wanted?"

"Of course not," she whispered.

"Then what? If you see no other _point - "_

"Edward, I love you."

Her words stopped my anger in its tracks. Closing the distance I had put between us, I pulled her against my body. Placing my lips against her ear, I whispered, _"That_ was the point." Pulling away to look into her melted chocolate eyes, I brushed my fingers against her cheek and tried to smile. "That's why we're here."

Bella reached for my mouth, and I met her gladly. Holding my sweet wife against me, we stood by the river and kissed. I let her run her fingers through my hair and stroked mine over hers. She ran her tongue across my lips, and I brushed my fingers along her cheeks. I let her press herself against me as tight as she wished, but I fought my need for her and held her carefully, barely touching the skin on her back. I returned her kiss, grateful for every second that I got to do so, but I couldn't allow myself more than that.

Eventually, panting, she stopped trying to climb into my arms and laid her head against my chest. Her entire body was trembling, her pulse raced, enhancing the scent of her hormones and making me need her with every fiber of my being. Sternly controlling that need, I guided her back to her lunch.

After she finished eating, we lounged beside the river. She leaned against me and closed her eyes, letting her food settle. Before too long, I saw beads of sweat forming around her hairline. Despite my cool touch, she was growing too warm, and I thought it was time for a swim. Besides, I didn't want her resting now. That wouldn't help in my attempts at keeping her too tired for anything other than sleep, once we were in bed together again.

When I brushed the sweat away from her face, her eyes fluttered opened, and I almost felt bad for disturbing her. She must have been nearly asleep.

"Ready for a swim?"

Bella stretched and sighed. "I _am_ hot."

"The water should feel very nice, then."

Standing, she stretched again, lifting her arms above her head and arching her back until she stood on her toes. One reason my family loved Esme's island so much was that it was one of the few places where we could enjoy the sun without worrying about exposure. The bright tropical rays brought out the hidden red in Bella's chestnut hair as wind blew it away from her face. Her creamy skin seemed to soak up the warmth from the sun, and I watched as her shirt raised up with her movements, exposing her midriff. Bella's shy seduction attempts earlier that morning had been difficult to resist, and her more forceful pleading and kissing harder still, but her unconscious beauty took my breath away. Not trying in the slightest, she made me want her, and I fought with myself as she padded close to the edge of the steep cliff and peered over.

She turned back to look at me, the familiar look of bewildered confusion on her face. "How do we get down there?"

I swallowed and made my lips form a smile. "We jump."

Bella's eyes widened. "You're kidding."

I shook my head with a smirk.

Her voice was sour when she said, "And how exactly is _that_ safe? I thought you didn't approve of cliff diving."

Sighing, I rolled my eyes. "And I thought you _liked_ jumping off cliffs."

"If you recall, I nearly drowned the last time."

"That's because you jumped into the ocean in the middle of a major storm. It wasn't the jump, it was the currents that nearly killed you."

She acknowledged the truth of that with a grimace and a nod.

Knowing how brave she was, I stepped close to her and whispered into her ear. "Come on, little coward. Jump with me. I'll keep you safe."

Her mouth softened into a sad smile. "I know you will."

Kicking off her shoes, Bella shimmied out of her shorts and yanked the button-down over her head, tossing them onto the bag with the towels. I added my shirt to the pile before reaching for her. Taking my proffered hand, she jumped into place against my back, her scanty bikini just keeping me from feeling the fullness of her skin against mine. I took a deep breath, fighting my nature and my desires. I couldn't expect to not touch her on our honeymoon, and nor did I want to avoid doing so, but the constant skin-to-skin contact had me feeling frustrated and uptight.

Determined to see to it that she have fun, I ignored the negative feelings and concentrated on her high-pitched excited squeal as I toed the edge of the cliff. Bella's arms were wrapped around my throat in what would probably have been a choke-hold were I still human. Lightly gripping her legs where they wrapped around me, I launched myself over the edge of the steep cliff. My whoop merged with her shriek as we plunged toward the deep pool. We separated upon hitting the water, and she propelled herself to the surface. I was very pleased to see and hear her laughing when we surfaced.

About to ask if she wanted to go again, I reached for her, intending to simply steady her in the water, but Bella took my extended hand as an invitation and pulled herself against me. The fresh water wasn't as buoyant as the salt, but my flailing limbs kept us upright all the same. For a long moment, I kissed my sweet wife in the pool of the waterfall. We were showered by the misty spray the falling water sent up, and the light roar filled the narrow cut the river had made in the bedrock. The water was nearly the same temperature as my skin; I barely perceived it, and it made me feel like I was swimming through the air with a writhing flame wrapped around me.

Disengaging myself from her, I left her floundering in the water as I propelled myself downstream. Gasping at the fierce need she evoked in me, I clutched at one of the rocks that lined the edge of the small river, gouging out a few holes with my fingertips.

This was ridiculous! We were going to be here for several weeks, at least. This was only day two, and I was already losing the fight against my nature. Bella was my love, my wife, my mate, and I craved her touch, her taste, and her smiles like I had once craved her blood. But, like my need for her blood, giving in would mean her death.

Turning to face her, I formed my lips into another smile and held out my hand again. Soft though it was, I heard her sigh before she swam toward me. We followed the river for over a mile. Despite her disgruntlement over my stubborn rejection, she couldn't help but to respond to the island. Before long, she was diving to the bottom of the deeper pools, laughing as she allowed the river to push her down the gentle slopes of the submerged rocks, and screaming while holding her arms over her head through the more rapid narrow places where the river pushed us along its course. I was simply glad to see her having fun.

After several hours, tired, she climbed out of the water onto a flat rock, where she collapsed, breathlessly staring up at the sky.

"Wait here, Mrs. Cullen. I'll be right back." Waiting only for her nod of acknowledgement, I sprinted back along the river's path to where we'd left our supplies. Bella was still breathing heavily when I appeared beside her, holding out a towel. It was warm from being left in the sun, and must have felt good against her chilled skin.

The sun was setting when we got back to the house. Bella's steps dragged as she climbed the wide porch steps and went into the bedroom to change out of her damp clothes. Choosing not to wear her satin gown while eating dinner, she returned to the kitchen in a loose shirt and soft pair of shorts. Pleased with the events of the day - for the most part - I made a quick pasta dinner for her. Carbohydrates tended to induce sleep, and as much exercise as she'd had that day, I thought it likely that she would fall asleep quickly. Unsure of exactly how much food a human needed, I made a large serving, of which she ate nearly every bite. By the time her plate had only a few pieces left, she was fighting to keep her eyes opened, pushing the remaining bites aimlessly about.

Watching her blinking at her plate, I wondered if she were even really awake. "Bella?"

Getting no response after several attempts, I scooped her from the chair. She curled against my chest with a sigh and closed her eyes. She was already asleep when I placed her in the bed we had shared the night before. I stood and watched her sleeping for an hour or so, hoping that she would find me in one of her dreams, but she slept without speaking. Eventually, I recalled the messes I had made in the house. I had left food in the kitchen, and there were still all of those damned feathers swirling about the master suite.

The mess in the kitchen was easy to clean, but the feathers were another matter. I bagged many of them, but they seemed to have no end, and the more I moved, the more of them there appeared to be. My speed was a disadvantage because the wind of my movements made them swirl about all the faster. Eventually, disgusted, I stood in the center of a feather blizzard, watching the downy pieces of fluff in annoyance.

Giving up on the suite, I decided to leave _that_ particular mess for our housekeepers. Cleaning was their job, after all. Of course, like Bella had been that morning, now _I_ was covered in feathers. I took a shower, managing to rid myself of the evidence, and joined Bella in the bed. She was sweating in the hot room, so I curled myself around her, pulling her back against my stomach. I buried my face in her hair and spent the night enjoying holding my wife.


	15. Distractions

**15\. Distractions**

"How about we just take it easy today?" Bella suggested as she eyed me over her breakfast.

"That's probably a good idea. I didn't think you were ever going to wake up this morning." Though it hadn't been very long after the sun had set that I had placed her into the bed, the morning had been well underway by the time she'd stirred. She rewarded my acceptance with a broad smile which I returned. "Feel up to lazing on the beach?"

"Absolutely." Her eyes were speculative and dancing with mischief when they met mine.

I merely smiled serenely. I was certain I would be able to get her into the water, and an ocean swim had always been tiring to the humans whose memories I had heard.

The previous day, Bella had been under the protection of the jungle canopy for the most part, but if we were going to be swimming in the ocean again, she should apply plenty of sunscreen. As I had done before our first swim around the reef, I helped her apply the thick stuff, carefully controlling my reactions to touching her skin.

We spent a good hour simply laying on a large blanket by the ocean.

How often had I imagined her like this? All my long months away, I had pictured Bella by the ocean. Though I had tried to imagine how she would smell, I had failed to even come close to the reality of Bella's sweetness enhanced as it was by the hot, salty air. I'd walked beside her on the beach when we'd visited her mother in Florida, but as beautiful as she had looked in the moonlight, there was something special about the way the sun affected her. Perhaps because I was a vampire, and we avoided sunlight, so that - ocean or no - I rarely had the chance to enjoy the way it enhanced her colors and smells. I tried to be unobtrusive as I watched her soak up the sun.

Unlike my skin, which repelled the sunlight, her creamy skin drew the sun's rays to her, even those that had first hit me. A fine sheen of sweat covered her skin, along with the coating of protective lotion, and with the rainbows thrown from my skin onto hers, she was dazzling. _Radiant._ A shimmering angel, gracing the beach with her presence. Almost glowing with her own inner warmth, her temperature climbed until she felt warmer without touching my skin than the tropical air which surrounded me.

Just as I grew concerned that she might burn, she flipped over onto her back.

"Mmmm," she sighed. Her eyes were closed, and there was a smile on her lips. She tucked her arms under her head, raised one leg so that it was cocked, and wiggled her hips, seeming to adjust herself in an attempt to get comfortable again.

Unable to stop, I stared at her, just watching as she moved and wishing I dared to touch her hair as it was blown about by the light wind. The sun affected it too, bringing out the hidden red in her normally dark chestnut hair. My eyes traveled down her body of their own accord. When they made it back to her face, I saw her watching me from the corner of her eyes. Her smile widened into a rather victorious smirk, and I realized her aims had not changed direction, only her tactics had.

Grinding my teeth together, I looked away from her. As I gazed across the surface of the ocean, I spied a disturbance. "Look, Bella!"

She rolled back over and squinted toward where I was pointing. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"Do you not see the fins?"

She shook her head.

"Hmm. I suppose it is too far for _your_ eyes."

She scowled playfully at me.

"Would you like a closer look?"

"At what? Sharks?" Her voice was higher pitched than normal, but I laughed calmly.

"No. Porpoises."

"Oh!" A delighted smile crossed her lips and a look of curiosity entered her eyes.

Springing from the blanket where we had lain, I held out my hand to her. "Let's go for a ride." I snagged the blanket after she stood and led her back into the house. Retrieving her snorkel, I pulled her back to the dock and the waiting boat.

"We're not gonna swim?" She looked between the snorkel in my hand and the boat we were heading for in confusion.

 _"We_ are not. You will."

"Um. Why - ?"

"They don't like me."

"Huh?"

 _"They_ can sense danger to themselves, unlike some people I know." I grinned at her and raised an eyebrow.

She wrinkled her nose. "You wouldn't hunt them, would you?"

"They don't know that." Trying to imagine myself trying to drink from one of those creatures, I laughed and shook my head. I doubted they would taste very good, and there was a lot of blubber I would have had to get through to reach a vein. Not exactly appealing. Plus, when they surfaced, they didn't really smell like anything, other than the ocean. Though I enjoyed the way the salt smelled, especially when mixed with Bella's floral scent, that didn't mean I wanted to drink the ocean water nor anything that tasted like it.

Her hair was blowing behind her as I angled the boat toward where I had seen the fins. "Why would they think you would, though? I mean, there aren't vampire fish."

"No?" I snorted. "Have you never heard of the leech? Surely Jacob has called me that in your presence on more than one occasion."

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Very funny."

Shrugging, I said, "Dolphins are highly intelligent and people are only just beginning to understand their sonar. They sense that I'm different, unnatural. If I were to join you in the water, they would quickly leave."

"Huh."

The pod sported in the waves that the boat raised as we passed them. I circled the pod in a large arch, hoping to entice them into keeping pace with us. Bella leaned over the side so that she could see them better, occasionally grinning back at me. As curious as she was, they lifted themselves out of the water to study her with their large, black eyes, chattering at Bella in their strange high-pitched dolphin language. I stayed seated in the pilot's chair, trying not to attract their attention. I hoped that, as long as I stayed motionless, they would see me as part of the boat, and not the living-stone hunter that I was.

I brought the boat to a halt and, with only a little encouragement, Bella slipped her goggles and snorkel back on, joining the playful creatures in the crystal-clear water. The dolphins swam circles around the human girl, seeming to be amused when she surfaced. Mimicking her, they would blow forcefully as she audibly breathed out. I crept to the edge of the boat so that I could watch, memorizing the sight. If she had her way, this was the only time she would have the opportunity for such an experience, and was something which I had never done.

Eventually, I tired of watching her in the water without me and slipped into the ocean. As I had predicted, the pod swam at their top speed away from me, leaving the startled girl staring after them in confusion. She looked around and spied me grinning as I advanced on her and a look of comprehension crossed her goggled face. Bella surfaced and swam toward the boat, and I frowned, thinking that she was disappointed that I had ended her fun. Instead of climbing out, she tossed her snorkel set on board and returned to me with a huge smile.

"That was amazing, Edward! Did you see them jumping? They let me touch them! Their skin was weird, like rubber. And did you see the baby one?"

Bella's exuberance was almost childlike, and I couldn't help but to laugh. "Yes, I saw. It looked like you had fun."

She studied me for a moment before reaching for me. "Yes, swimming with the dolphins was fun, but swimming with _you_ is much better."

Sighing, she pressed herself against me and floated while I supported her in the water. As we had done on our wedding night, we floated together, bobbing lightly in the ocean waves. I glanced occasionally at the boat, unconcerned that the current was taking us away from the drifting vessel. We were not that far out to sea, and the island gave me a sense of direction. Without it, the unbroken horizon would have been disorienting. Worried that she was getting too much sun, I began to propel us toward the boat. Bella didn't hesitate to climb in when we reached it, sinking down into the seat, affecting exhaustion.

I couldn't help but to smirk in amusement as I sped us back to the dock.

After fixing herself a light lunch, she expressed another desire to stay in the house. "I don't think I want any more sun today."

"Well, that's good, because I was planning on something special."

Her eyes lit, and she bounced out of her seat with a hopeful smile. "Really?"

I had known she wasn't as tired as she was pretending to be and felt my mouth twisting into a crooked grin as I watched her practically skip across the living room toward me.

"Yes, really. I'm glad you still have your bathing suit on. You'll need it."

Snickering at her disappointed grimace, I pulled Bella out of the house with me once more. We got back into the boat, but this time, I navigated toward the rockier western side of the island. She glared at me the entire time, her lips pushing out into an adorable pout, her arms crossed under her breasts, and her foot tapping against the deck.

When I tossed the anchor over the side, she grumped, "I thought I said I _didn't_ want more sun."

"Don't worry your pretty head, my love. There will be no sun where we're going."

"Um..."

I leapt back into the water, beckoning with my index finger for her to join me when she hesitated. "Don't forget your goggles."

She heaved a sigh, but followed my instructions, eyeing the large waterproof flashlight I carried with distrust.

Tapping my shoulders in invitation, I said, "Grab on tight and take a deep breath."

Her eyes narrowed. "Where exactly are you taking me?"

Smirking for a moment, I thought about keeping it a surprise, but then thought it might be better if she were prepared. "The island has an underground network of caves that are only accessible from the ocean. We've explored the system and there are open spaces where you will be able to breathe." Seeing her look of uncertainty, I tried to reassure her. "Just fill your lungs. Breathe out slowly on the way and you'll be fine."

Taking in a shallow gulp of air, she wrapped her arms and legs around me again, and I swam us closer to the towering edge of the cliff. "Breathe, Bella," I said with a laugh. Feeling her chest expand against my back as she took a fuller gulp of air, her arms and legs tightened in preparation, and I warned her, "Ready?"

She nodded against my neck, and I dove under, flipping the light on and finding the deep black opening at the base of the cliff. Except for the light which I carried, the underwater cave system was pitch black. The filtered light from the entrance only reached in a short way, and once that was gone, even my enhanced eyes wouldn't have been able to see anything without the light I had brought. I did need _some_ light with which to see. I felt her lungs releasing some of their stored air as I propelled us toward the first of the open caverns. She wasn't even out of breath when I surfaced. Turning my head to look at her, I was pleased to see that she was smiling in amazement.

"This is just a pit stop. The next one is a little farther. Ready?"

She nodded firmly, adjusting her hold on me again before sucking in another lungful of air. The first passage had been just that: a tunnel leading from one place to another. As I swam toward the next open cavern, the cave's intricate features began to appear. The flashlight caught the stalagmites, stalactites, and columns, sending back reflected sparkles just like my skin. Turning my head at her tap on my shoulder, I watched her reach toward one of the columns and angled toward it so that she could touch it if she wished. When I paused, she ran a light finger over the surface. She met my eyes and grinned, a few bubbles escaping her mouth as she did. I sent up a stream of my own bubbles as I laughed at her before continuing on to the next open cavern.

This one was much larger, and her exclamation echoed when we surfaced. I shined the light around the ceiling slowly, then aimed it back at the water. Parts were crystal clear, but our path was clearly visible in the trail of disturbed silt which I had stirred up. Grinning at her again, I was about to suggest that we move to the next cave when she squirmed around so that she clung to my front. Bella pulled her goggles off looping the strap over her arm and began blinking and wiggling her nose. I laughed and ran a finger along the creases the mask had left in her skin.

"You weren't kidding about the lack of light," she whispered.

I shook my head, momentarily stunned speechless by the closeness of her mouth to mine.

For once, she didn't try to kiss me. My beloved Bella simply closed her eyes and leaned her head close to mine, so that our cheeks pressed together. Closing my eyes too, I let myself relax into her embrace, forgetting for a moment that I was supposed to be resisting her advances. But she wasn't _making_ any. Floating in the warm, still water in the cave, the only sounds were the light slapping of the waves against the sides due to my slight movements and, of course, Bella. Her breathing and heartbeat echoed in my ears, and I wasn't sure if the acceleration that I heard was from her, or simply the repeating sound of her living body bouncing around the otherwise silent cave.

Between our return from Italy and our wedding, I had never resisted kissing Bella. So long as she had been willing, I had kissed her as often, and for as long as I had wished. Now that we were married, I felt that doing so was prohibited. Chucking under my breath, I thought of how everything in our relationship ended up being backwards.

"What's funny?" she whispered in my ear.

"You."

She pulled away to look at me in confusion. "But I wasn't doing anything."

"Perhaps I should have said, 'us,' then."

The line between her brows formed, and I ran my finger down it, then continued along her cheek and down her neckline. Her body shivered against mine, though she tightened her arms around my neck.

"And how, exactly, are _we_ funny?" she pressed.

I couldn't answer and shook my head, smiling slightly. I looked back into her eyes to find them watching me, her expression inscrutable. For no reason apparent to me, her body suddenly warmed against mine. Studying her face, I found myself conflicted and was forced to war with the opposing parts of me. I would kill her if I kissed her. But I wanted to kiss her. Bella was my wife. She wanted me to kiss her. But I couldn't.

 _And why not?_ I abruptly wondered, angry. _Why can't I kiss her?_ I had done so on many occasions before. Never once had I hurt her by simply kissing her. Yes, I had come close in the beginning, but I had learned to control my instinctive reactions to her before. Why couldn't I do the same now? And if I was going to change her sometime in the next month or two, depending on how events played out when we got home, I would need to be in complete control of myself. Smelling her blood and resisting drinking it was one thing. _Tasting_ it and resisting was something else. But I had done that before, too, hadn't I?

Could I kiss her and resist allowing it to go any farther? And if I couldn't, how could I expect to change her when the time came? Wasn't it less dangerous to her life to relearn how to be close to her without hurting her than to allow this _need_ for her to continue to build, unchecked?

Before the thoughts had even finished playing out, I found my lips pressing against hers. The decision to do so had seemed to make itself. My hands stopped swirling in the water and plunged themselves into her hair. Light flashed crazily around us and some portion of my brain registered that I had dropped the flashlight. Despite being soaked in the ocean water, her powerful freesia scent filled the cavern and overwhelmed my senses.

Her response was instant and something I should have predicted. Bella's breath was a sharp inhalation that quickly turned into a gasping pant as she clutched herself tightly to me. Her fingers knotted themselves into my hair, pulling me closer to her, pressing our mouths more firmly together. When I didn't pull away, they left my hair to travel over my body, her gentle fingers seeming to leave trails of scorch marks behind them from the heat they emitted. Bella's legs wound around my waist, and I was surrounded once more by her inviting body.

Ah, God, how I wanted her! The flimsy fabric that separated us would never withstand my strength and it took everything in me not to rip the bikini off her. Her mouth opened against mine and, unable to help myself, I met her tongue with my own, just briefly, but it was enough to send her heart racing. I felt myself losing the battle against my restraint and tried to unwind her from around me, but my hands slid themselves along the smooth skin of her legs instead. I tried to tell her we should stop, but my mouth kept moving in time with hers. My brain was screaming for me to stop, but my body had other ideas.

"Mmph," I mumbled in protest, though I wasn't sure which part I was objecting to; my feeble attempts at stopping or my desperate need to keep going.

She pressed herself tighter to me. Bella's legs were locked around my waist, and it would have been so easy to give in. A simple shift of her body's position against mine, a tug of fabric, and a gentle thrust and I would be inside of her again. But this was certainly not the place! I didn't even have anything to brace myself against. Assuming I could avoid crushing her bones in my hands, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on keeping her head above water. If I gave in now, not only would she be in danger of being crushed by my monstrous strength, but she would surely drown.

Frantically, I pushed my need for her away at the same time as I pushed her away from me. Half a second later, I couldn't see, smell, taste, or feel anything except the utter darkness of the submerged cave and the sea water in which I floated, reeling from my body's reaction to hers.

Damn it! I must have been the world's biggest fool! What had I been thinking?

Fighting my instincts, I stayed perfectly still, though the new and powerful monster inside of me fought harder for control of me than the red-eyed one ever had.

Bringing back my memories of the sight of Bella's bruised body, I firmly retook control of myself, one protesting muscle at a time. Eventually, I let out a sigh, my breath escaping from me in an unseen stream of useless bubbles. In control once again, I was ashamed. It was bad enough that I had almost taken her, here, in this cave, but then I had left her! How long had I been gone, while she floundered in the dark? I spun in a circle. From which direction had I come?

The water was murky from the silt I had stirred up; I could feel it against my skin, even if I couldn't see it. There was no current, no light, no sense of place or anything to give me a clue about which direction I needed to go.

"Damn it," I muttered. The bubbles that escaped my mouth rolled along my body, and I realized the air I held wasn't as useless as I had thought. Breathing a little bit more air out, I felt the bubbles rise toward my feet. Flipping over, I was pleased that - at the very least - I now knew which way was up. But I still didn't know which way was out. Carefully scanning the darkness, I caught the barest hint of grey - just a smudge that wasn't quite the absolute black of the rest of the water around me. Heading for it, I saw the grey turn into a hazy brown and finally identified the flashlight where it was half buried in the loose, silty bottom of the cave. I grabbed it and looked around, spying Bella's legs as they slowly scissored against the cave wall.

Mortified, I surfaced so slowly that I didn't create more than the slightest ripple. Bella was clutching the wall, her eyes squeezed tightly shut and her mouth twisted into an unhappy line.

"Bella?" I called softly.

She spun to gape at me, her eyes wide and terrified. "Edward? Oh, Edward, I'm sorry!"

Stroking across the cave to float close to her, I shook my head in astonishment. Why was she apologizing to me? "No, Bella, no. Love, you have nothing to apologize for."

"B-but you left. I m-must have - "

Carefully, reminding myself once more of the glass nature of the woman I loved, I placed a finger on her lips. Sternly, I shook my head at her. "I am so sorry," I whispered. "Leaving you here like that, was utterly reprehensible. Can you forgive me, please?"

Her eyes held their familiar look of startled confusion. "Of course." She watched me, her brows pulling together into a worried crease.

I sighed and shook my head, ashamed once more. "This makes all three, doesn't it?"

"Three what?" she whispered.

"All three days that we have been here that I have ruined with my behavior."

Her eyebrows drew together and she shook her head. "You haven't ruined anything," she said firmly.

Smiling slightly, I stroked her cheek. Knowing that I would never deserve her, I found myself staring at her in confusion. Why did she love me? Why wasn't she scared of me? Or, at the very least, angry? "How are you not angry with me?"

Bella looked away from my eyes and blushed. "I am."

I took my hand from her face, trying to find a way to apologize again, when she'd already said I was forgiven.

Her eyes flashed back to meet mine. "I'm angry that you stopped."

"Don't be ridiculous!" I snapped.

"Then don't you be!"

"Bella, I would have k- "

"If you were going to kill me, Edward, you'd have done it by now, so please, spare me that excuse."

"That I have not yet is a miracle. You have no concept of the danger I would put you in were we to - " I stopped, my throat closing over the words. I wanted so desperately to make love to her again that just thinking the words hurt. Saying them was impossible.

"I think I do," she insisted. "What you just did proves it."

Mortified once more, I hung my head in shame.

"You didn't hurt me. You haven't. You couldn't. The very fact that you left just now proves me right."

"How can you see it that way?" I demanded.

"Because that's the way it is."

We stared at each other, both struggling to understand the other.

"Please, Edward. Take me back to the house. Make love to me."

My eyes widened. _"No._ Don't ask me that! Can you not just... enjoy being here with me?"

"I do. I am."

"Then stop asking me to hurt you!" I growled at her, furious.

Bella's lips trembled as they pushed out into a pout. She looked away from me before mumbling, "I think I dropped my goggles."

Waiting for only a moment before turning away, I dove back under the water, searching the bottom for any sign of the colorful piece of plastic. Spying a waving end of the strap, I snagged it off of the floor of the cave, shaking the silt off as I rose slowly back to the surface. Making sure they were clean again, I handed them to her with a crooked half-smile.

"Thanks," she muttered, pulling them back into place. She took a deep breath before meeting my eyes again. "I believe you have a cave to show me."

"Did you still want to?"

"You're the one who wants me to enjoy being here. So, let's go."

Sighing at the loss of the carefree atmosphere we'd had when we'd entered the cave, I shook my head. "No. You said you would rather watch a movie. I should have listened to you earlier."

Rolling her eyes, she insisted, "Show me the damn cave, Edward."

Feeling a smile tug at my lips, I held out my hand to her to pull her into place against my back, but hesitated before doing so, eyeing her warily.

"I'll be good, I promise."

Brushing my fingers against her cheek, I kissed her quickly. "I love you."

"That's why we're here."

Unable to help myself, I laughed at her. "Goggles in place?"

"Yup."

"Take a deep breath, then."

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and inhaled deeply, and I dove once more, quickly passing through the murky water I had already disturbed to reach the more fantastic cave formations farther in. We stopped in the various caverns, including those with room enough we were able to leave the water and climb around for a short way. By the end of our explorations of the island's little cave system, our good spirits had returned. She didn't try to kiss me again, or tempt me into doing what we both wanted, but I had little doubt that it would only be a matter of time before she formed a new strategy. Though I didn't want to cut our time on the island short, I found myself eagerly anticipating what the end of our honeymoon would mean. The end of one would be the beginning of another.


	16. Surrender

**Surrender**

Watching Bella picking at her breakfast the next morning, I frowned at her morose expression. The eggs were long gone, but she seemed to be more interested in mutilating the rest of her meal than she was in eating it. She didn't glance up when I called her name, but she did pause her assault on her food.

"Be patient, love. Please?"

Her lips thrust into a pout, but she didn't answer and resumed stabbing at her pancakes instead.

Pointing at the remains of her meal, I tried to tease her out of her mood. "Are they that terrible?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "No, the pancakes are good. Thanks." She shoved a bite into her mouth, but I thought that was more out of an effort to appease me than due to a desire to eat.

I repeated her name.

"What do you want, Edward?" She still refused to look at me, chewing her next bites and swallowing them so fast I doubted she tasted them.

"I want you to be happy."

"I am."

"Liar," I said with a smirk. She stuck her tiny, pink tongue out at me before taking another bite. I couldn't help but laugh; even when it was just a show, her anger amused me.

"Fine. You want me to be happy? That's easy enough to accomplish."

"Are you ready to go home now?"

She met my gaze at last with an expression of shock on her face. "No!"

"Then, as I said, be _patient."_

Her eyes narrowed as her fork hovered over her plate.

"We can stay as long as you want and leave when you're ready, however long that is. Or we can go home now. Either way, it won't be all that long that we'll be here."

"So? No matter when we go home, you'll just find some new excuse to keep me human."

"No. I've given up on that hope."

"Then what's your point?" She sat her fork on her plate and shoved it away, the food I'd fixed mostly turned into a pile of crumbs rather than eaten. "You know I'm not going to change my mind. Why not just change me now? Get it over with."

 _"No."_

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for the time when changing you won't start a war."

She grimaced, but accepted my explanation without arguing.

"Look, the arrangements have already been made. Charlie thinks we'll be going to Dartmouth within days of our return, and the Denalis have a place ready and waiting for us in Alaska. When we rejoin our family in Forks, we can invite Seth over, or Jacob if you'd prefer. Better yet, _both_ of them. Let them see that you are still human, and then we can all move."

"And when we get to Alaska?"

I studied her for a moment. "You know how much I wish you didn't want to be what I am."

"You've already agreed. I've kept _my_ promise." She raised her chin and arched an eyebrow in a clear challenge.

"You have. Beautifully too, I might add."

Bella huffed and rolled her eyes, making me want to laugh again.

"And when we get to Alaska," I sighed, "I will keep my promise. I'll give you whatever you ask of me."

"What if... when we get to Alaska... all I ask is for you to make love to me again?"

"After you're changed..." I chuckled, and my voice turned husky with anticipation. "Believe me, Bella, you'll be the one needing to fend _me_ off."

I expected her to blush and laugh, but instead her eyes turned sad, and her heart rate increased. "Because once I'm changed, it'll be blood I want, and not you?"

I shook my head. "Sweetheart, even newborns don't spend all day hunting. There _will_ be time for us."

"Eventually," she muttered, but nodded and stood. "Guess I'll get dressed."

To my surprise, my beloved Bella and I spent the rest of the week enjoying the island without fighting. Not that she relented in the slightest in her physical attempts at persuasion, but I got better at controlling my reactions to her - at least, as far as what I let her see.

Pretending that she was still as untouchable as she had been before we were married, I ignored the silky nightgowns she took to wearing, helped her apply sun screen without hesitation, and maintained control of myself whenever she wrapped herself around me as we swam or climbed. When she would kiss me, I would return them, enjoying the taste of her lips like I had done the week before, but nothing more.

Trying not to be too obvious about my intentions to wear her out during our days together, I coaxed her into exploring the many reefs that were within easy reach of our island. We saw sea turtles and collected shells from the ocean floor. Spying fins again, we boated toward the pod so that she might enjoy their antics. I took her climbing to the top of the island's small peak, where she had a picnic dinner while we watched the sun set.

I had never spent so much uninterrupted time with Bella before and reveled in having her undivided attention. I cooked for her, pleased to be able to care for her for a change. Although I had made sure to provide many options, Alice's insistence on extra eggs proved fortuitous. Bella had them every morning, and requested them with lunch and dinner, too. At home, she had always seemed to prefer cereal or pastry for breakfast, and I had never seen her prepare eggs for any other meal. The change in her eating habits had me curious, but when I asked, she shrugged and said they just tasted good. Eventually, I decided it was simply the change in location. I didn't always hunt lions, either.

As I lay in bed on our seventh night on the island, I could hear Bella in the bathroom, preparing for bed. Her pulse was unusually erratic, and I wondered at the reason. Inhaling deeply, I smelled a shift in her hormones and gritted my teeth. I had a feeling she was going to try to talk me into risking her life again. Mentally preparing myself for whatever objections she might come up with, I was far from prepared for the direction her attempt ended up taking.

As soon as I saw her, I understood why her pulse was racing. If I'd had a pulse, the sight of her would have sent mine into a sprint. Bella's normally creamy skin was bright red, but though the sight of her swirling blood was inviting, it was what she was wearing that made me react. Catching myself just before my jaw dropped open, I stared at her in awe.

Unlike her previous silky gowns of ivory and cream, _this_ outfit was black, frilly, and lacy. Though her scanty bikinis had actually shown more of her skin, the very fact that this one hid more of her from my gaze made it all the more enticing. She looked shy, sexy, mysterious, and every bit a woman. It took all of my concentration not to give in just at the mere sight of her.

"What do you think?" she asked with an arch to her eyebrows. Not displaying her usual clumsiness, she slowly pirouetted so that I could see her from every angle. My eyes were locked on her body as she deliberately displayed the way the cut of the outfit clung to her curves. Her movement sent the ruffles at the sides flaring out, and the shimmery lace caught and reflected back the dim light in the room. Her cheeks just peeked out of the bottom of the ruffles, and the open back dipped low, exposing the valley of her spine. Turning to face me again, I couldn't stop staring at the way the bodice cupped the breasts that I had once held.

I wanted to tell her that she was the loveliest creature to ever walk the Earth. I wanted to tell her that she was the essence of beauty, the epitome of desire, the only woman that I had ever or would ever want. And I wanted to tell her that I _did_ want her.

I blinked and swallowed hard, incapable of speech. Forcing air from my lungs, I cleared my throat before trying again. "You look beautiful." As if that word could even come close to describing the sight of her. Attempting nonchalance, and not wanting her to see how she affected me, I amended, "You always do."

Bella's lips twisted, not appreciating my forced indifference. "Thanks," she muttered sourly before climbing into the bed beside me.

Carefully, making sure I was in control of every muscle, I wrapped my arms around her, trying to avoid touching the black lace. She pressed her body against mine, and I was grateful for the fact that I was wearing clothes. I didn't think I'd have been able to resist her if I could have felt her lace-covered curves pressed against my skin. She sighed and snuggled against my chest.

"I'll make you a deal."

Knowing what she wanted from me, I pressed my lips together angrily. "I will not make any deals with you."

"You haven't heard what I'm offering." Her voice was almost smug, as if she knew that what she had in mind was certain to be more irresistible to me than she already was.

"It doesn't matter."

"Dang it." She affected a sigh. "And I really wanted..." Trailing off, she shrugged, her body rippling against mine. "Oh well."

Rolling my eyes in amusement at her obvious attempt at persuasion, I stifled a sigh. It had only been a week, and her attempts were steadily growing bolder. The outfit she was wearing was evidence of that! Frustration swept through me. What would she be trying by this time next week?! Not wanting to think about that - or what _else_ my sister might have packed for Bella - I found her words running through my mind instead.

 _And I really wanted..._ As though it were something other than sex.

Well... maybe it was. The last time she'd offered a compromise, she had shocked me with both her request and her offers.

How I wished I could see inside her devious, mysterious, maddening mind! How did normal people ever manage to get things done? No wonder so many human couples divorced. Without the unchanging awe that would keep their love fresh and new, I could only imagine that human love would pale under the constant bombardment of uncertainty, fear, and doubt. My love for her would never fade, and I knew by now that her love for me would not, either. Likewise, I doubted my curiosity had any chance of fading.

The little minx. Surely she knew what she was doing in making me think there was something she wanted without giving me any clue as to what it was.

The very idea that there was something which she wanted had my curiosity blazing. _Any_ insight into her mind was tantalizing, and I couldn't resist needing to know what it was. "Alright. What is it you want?"

She didn't answer me for a moment, and I was sure she was well pleased with herself. She did a good job of keeping the smugness out of her tone when she finally spoke. "Well, I was thinking... I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldn't kill me. Charlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up with all the brainiacs. Still... eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to grow crow's feet in the next year."

Stunned to hear my words repeated back to me, I understood that she was not telling me what she wanted, but was offering me what _I_ wanted, instead.

My words were slow and halting. "You would wait. You would stay human."

For her to lead a human life, she knew that I would do practically anything. Which meant that I had been right about her aims. Just as on the night when she had agreed to marry me, she was offering me everything that I wanted, if only I would make love to her. She had agreed to marry me so that I would make love to her, and now, was offering to remain human for the same goal, despite the fact that the first time had nearly ended in her death! What was the point in her agreeing to remain human when submitting to her request could kill her?

Abruptly furious, I demanded, "Why are you _doing_ this to me? Isn't it hard enough without all of this?"

I grabbed a handful of the frilly lace that covered her creamy skin. As if resisting her didn't already take all of my concentration, she was deliberately making it harder for me. And now, now she even tried to bribe me by offering the one thing she had never before considered. Not for one second had the possibility of staying human been on the table. Didn't she know how much I wanted her, how much I wanted her to live?

Of course she did, I answered myself. She knew me so well, she knew exactly the right buttons to press to get me to agree to what she wanted. If I didn't know already that giving in would kill her, I would have agreed right at that moment, and the lace that was in my hand would have been gone from her body before she could blink.

Realizing that the muscles in my arm were trembling to do just that, I forced my hand to let go. "It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

"I want to go to college," she insisted.

I scoffed. "No you don't." Trying to make her see why I kept refusing, I insisted, "And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."

"But I _do_ want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want - I want to be human a little while longer."

Exasperated, I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. "You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"

"Yes, but... well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."

I'd thought she was merely offering her humanity as a bargaining tool, and was surprised to hear that she had a reason of her own. Warily, I asked, "What's that?"

"Guess." She grinned broadly and pulled herself close to me for a kiss. Wanting to laugh, I knew that I'd already guessed the correct answer. She wanted to stay human so that she could make love with me. She never seemed happier than when she was risking her life!

I returned her kiss, but only in that I didn't push her away. Keeping the image of her bruised body firmly in my mind, I added those that Tanya had shown to me, those that I had seen in the Seattle predator's mind, and those Jacob had imagined. I knew only too well what would happen if I were to make love to her right then.

The most maddening part of her argument was... this wouldn't be an issue at all if she were a vampire. Not that I'd had any experience with sex as a human, but knowing what I did of our nature, I could only imagine that it would be all the better for her once she'd been changed. If she were a vampire, I could make love with her with no fears of hurting her, no worries that I would break or kill her, no need to even break our kisses to breathe or any physical need to rest. If she were a vampire, we _could_ have made love in that cave had we wanted to!

She said she wanted to stay human, but it was not for the same reasons that I wanted her to do so. I loved her smells, her warmth, the way her hormones were reacting to me as I kissed her right then. I could taste them in the very air. But none of those measured up to the real reasons I wanted her not to change.

If she stayed human, there would be no restrictions on her potential. She would be able to keep her father, her mother, would grow old enough to have a career, and to mature past the volatile teenage years - which was something I had never had the chance to do. How many of my problems were due to my very age? How often had I been called 'kid' despite being a hundred years old? She had no idea how much better her life would be if she just _lived_ it!

Carefully, I pushed her away from me, laughing softly. "You are _so_ human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones."

Her mouth twisted and she shook her head angrily. "That's the whole point, Edward. I _like_ this part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me."

Though I could tell she was fighting it, her sentence ended in a yawn, and I was pleased that, if nothing else, my plans to tire her were going to put an end to this fight.

"You're tired. Sleep, love." Pulling her against my chest so that she could feel the vibrations, I started to hum her lullaby.

"I wonder why I'm so tired," she muttered sourly. "That couldn't be part of your scheme or anything."

Snickering, I knew that she saw through me, just as she always did.

"For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep better."

I stopped humming in surprise. "You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for the snoring, I'd worry you were slipping into a coma."

She looked back at me with a frown. "I haven't been tossing?"

I shook my head.

"That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightmares. And shouting."

As if she had needed to tell _me_ that. I was well aware of her sleeping habits, but without her sleep talking to eavesdrop on, I'd had no idea what her dreams were about. Now she confessed to having nightmares! "You've been having nightmares?"

"Vivid ones. They make me so tired." She said the last word around a yawn and laid her head back onto my chest, seemingly unconcerned. "I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night."

Unable to contain my ever-present curiosity about her, I pressed, "What are they about?"

She shrugged. "Different things - but the same, you know, because of the colors."

"Colors?" Though I had seen into many humans' minds as they dreamed, human mental images were blurry and faded, unlike the clear vivid thoughts of a vampire. None of their dreams had ever seemed all that colorful to me. It had been a century since I had dreamt, but the only things I could really recall about my own dreaming were from the last ones I'd had. They'd been about burning and freezing to death at the same time. There had certainly been no colors involved.

"It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier."

I hated the thought of anything scaring my sweet human girl, but there had been many things which had done so since I'd met her. Yet each one had been something physical, something I could fight off. How could I protect her from a dream? Hoping she'd tell me at least something useful, I pressed her again, "What is frightening you?"

Bella's body grew cooler and she trembled against me. "Mostly..." She hesitated and I wasn't sure she would be willing to tell me after all. She liked that I couldn't read her mind, and this felt like asking her to allow me to see inside of it.

My curiosity won, and I pressed her to tell me anyway. "Mostly?"

She thought for a moment before whispering, "The Volturi."

My arms wrapped around her in understanding. If I could have dreamt, I was sure I'd have had my fair share of nightmares about the rulers of our world. "They aren't going to bother us anymore. You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason."

I watched her face, looking for some indication that I had reassured her. They _were_ just dreams, after all. Surely they were no reason for her to look so devastated. I imagined she might have the same look if she learned of the death of someone she had loved.

"What can I do to help?"

Bella shook her head and shrugged, the expression clearing from her face. "They're just dreams, Edward."

"Do you want me to sing for you?" I offered, liking the idea that I could protect her sleep. "I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

She nestled closer to me, and when she answered, her words were slightly slurred, her exhaustion taking over. "They're not all bad. Some are nice. So... colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening - I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really _bright_ here."

I frowned, not liking her referring to Esme's island as a _problem._ "Do you want to go home?"

To my relief, she shook her head firmly. "No. No, not yet. Can't we stay awhile longer?"

Smiling again, I promised her, "We can stay as long as you want, Bella."

"When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before."

Sighing at her persistence, I began to hum her lullaby once more, and within seconds, she was asleep.

 _The Volturi!_ How dare they intrude, even into Bella's dreams! We were married now, and Bella would become a vampire soon enough. She had never been a threat to our world, despite Aro's accusations. One of the invitations Alice had sent out had been to him, personally. Surely he knew by now that she was not going to say anything.

I shook my head, reminding myself that _that_ hadn't really been the point. Bella's knowledge of us had merely been a tool which Aro had tried to use to gain my service. I ground my teeth together, hating the ancient fiend. Humans claimed the existence of fantastic things all the time. They believed in many various types of monsters and ghosts, even alien visitors, and while I knew only too well that some of their beliefs were based on reality, I also knew that they had no real proof. If they did, everyone would know of our existence, and the secret wouldn't matter.

No, the point had been an illustration of power and a threat. Aro had let us go because he was patient. He'd lived for three thousand years. What were a few months to him? He had been certain that somehow, he would find a way to bring Alice and myself, and perhaps even Bella into his service. He had also been certain that it would be Bella herself who was the key. Letting us go was like a strategic chess move. Sometimes one had to sacrifice their own queen in order to conquer the other's king.

My arms tightened around Bella. _My_ queen would never be sacrificed! Three thousand years - as long as it seemed - was still only a blink in eternity. We would outlast Aro. Our love would outlast all of the Volturi. And when they were legends that were told to fledgling vampires, Bella and I would live on, wrapped in each other's love.

I kept humming, hoping that the dreams she would have that night would be good ones. She'd also dreamt of the reefs, she'd said, and of colors. Well, Esme's island _was_ very colorful. I ran through many of my favorite songs, missing my piano a bit. My fingers pressed against her skin just lightly. I chuckled to myself, remembering Carlisle comparing making love to Bella with playing the piano.

Ah, the music we had made that night! If only it hadn't ended on such a sour note. If only I could have controlled myself better. Instead, I was as I had always been: a rash, impulsive, unthinking teenager, self-centered, self-absorbed, and arrogant. I had concentrated on what her body had been doing to me, rather than the other way around. It was a miracle I hadn't killed her! Well, no matter. We would have the rest of eternity to be together. I just had to get through the next few weeks. Surely I could be strong enough for that!

My song broke off as Bella's body jerked against mine.

"Bella? Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Oh," she whispered in a harsh gasp and stopped breathing.

She must have just woken from a nightmare. I watched her face, concerned that talking about them before sleeping had made them worse. She'd been having nightmares that week without waking before. Why did she wake now? She blinked a few times in the dark room before her mouth twisted and tears began to pour from her eyes.

"Bella!"

Her body began to shiver against mine, and the tears increased. I wiped them from her face, hating whatever it was that had caused them. I never wanted to see tears in her beautiful eyes. Her lips trembled, but she didn't answer me.

"What's wrong?"

Finally she took a breath and whispered in an anguished voice, "It was only a dream." Her voice broke over the last word, and she held her body tense, as though fighting not to cry.

I stopped wiping the tears away and pulled her against me, rocking her slightly, just as I had seen parents do to comfort their children after waking from a bad dream. "It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here. Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real."

"Not a nightmare," she corrected me with a shake of her head. Since I was no longer wiping them away, she rubbed her hand across her eyes, but the tears continued to fall. "It was a _good_ dream."

Uncomprehending why a good dream would make her cry, I stared at her. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because I woke up." Her voice turned into a wail as she pressed herself tighter to me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and began to sob in earnest.

Although I was almost amused at the reason behind the tears, her pain-filled cries were far from amusing. I hadn't heard her cry like this since she had told Jacob that she was choosing me. She had spent that night sobbing into my chest as she let that part of her life go. Those tears had caused me pain because I had been to blame yet had rejoiced in the reason for them. These tears, though... how could I fight off a _good_ dream?

"Everything's alright, Bella. Take deep breaths." Unsure of how else to comfort the miserable girl in my arms, I simply held her while she cried.

"It was so real. I _wanted_ it to be real."

"Tell me about it," I prompted her. "Maybe that will help."

"We were on the beach..." She pulled away from me, and I looked into my beloved wife's tear-streaked face. It was tight with pain and a misery that I didn't understand. _The beach?_ What could she have wanted on the beach that would make her act like this? As she stared at me, the tears stopped leaking, but her face still showed her pain.

"And?"

"Oh, Edward..."

I couldn't stand the misery I could see on her face, hear in her voice. It tore at me, but I felt completely useless. If she didn't tell me what was wrong, how could I fix it? "Tell me, Bella."

Her head shook back and forth before she pressed herself to me. Bella's sweet mouth was on mine, her hands locked around my neck, and her muscles strained to pull us closer.

The moment her lips touched mine, I felt myself react. Though we had kissed over the past few days and in the months before our wedding, there was something different about this kiss, and my body responded automatically. Her hormones surged in her system and the scent of them flowed around me. She wasn't trying to convince me to have sex with her, or using her kiss to persuade me. Her body was telling mine in no uncertain terms that it needed mine as I did hers. She was making little pleading noises in the back of her throat, small whimpers of pain that I was only adding to as I tried to push her away from me.

Finally breaking the kiss, I stared into her eyes in astonishment. "No, Bella."

I'd never seen her like this before, and I didn't understand it. Her previous attempts at persuasion had either been shy but deliberate and calculated, or in response to my actions. This almost desperate desire seemed to overwhelm her, and I blinked, surprised. Humans weren't supposed to feel so strongly, were they? Although they were ruled by their bodies, Bella had always been in control of herself. _I_ had always been the dangerous one, the monster on the edge of being controlled by the forces within me.

This Bella wasn't dangerous, but what she wanted was. It was taking everything in me to maintain that control now, especially in the face of the loss of her own. I shook my head, rejecting her as I had done so many times.

She dropped her arms from around my neck at my refusal. Her tears restarted, and my sweet wife lay in my arms, dejected and defeated.

"I'm s-s-s-orry," she stammered. Her breaths hitched a few times, and she stopped breathing, trying to regain control of herself.

Ah, she was apologizing for _wanting_ me? For crying over my rejection? I wanted so desperately to give in to her, but I would hurt her if I did. I pulled her against my chest, struggling with myself.

"I can't, Bella, I can't!"

Against my skin, I could feel her tears flowing, hotter than her skin as they soaked into my shirt. Bella's body shook against mine, and I heard a sound that tore at me. My sweet wife was sobbing, her pain all too evident in her trembling, high-pitched moans.

"Please," she begged me. "Please, Edward?"

I never wanted her to be in pain. But she _was_ in pain. I never wanted to hurt her. But I _was_ hurting her! I was always the source of the pain in her life, and every attempt I made to protect her from me had hurt her. Now I was hurting her yet again.

She had insisted that I hadn't hurt her when I'd made love to her, but that my rejection was hurting her now was plain to see. She was convinced that I could make love to her again without danger. In trying to protect her from what I _might_ do, was I doing more harm than good?

Hadn't I leaned by now that I should trust her?

Something shifted within me. Rejecting Bella was _wrong_. Hadn't I felt it when we'd made love? I'd known then that loving her was right. Her cries that night had been ones of pleasure and not ones of pain like those she was making now.

Unable to resist her any longer and needing to replace the sound of her misery with cries of pleasure again, I pulled her face up to mine. The lust that I had tried to cage broke free and made itself known. Trying desperately to contain my own fierce need of her, I heard a groan escape me as I pressed my lips to hers.

Bella's response was instant. Sensing my surrender, she gasped with joy. She rose off the pillows and climbed into my arms, wrapping herself around me as I sat upright and shifted her onto my lap. Her hands thrust into my hair, securing my lips against hers as though she was afraid I would still pull away. Her mouth opened, and I pulled the taste of her breath into my lungs.

She settled herself and tucked her legs, pressing the length of her body against mine. She fit perfectly, as though the hand that created her had made her just for me. Trying to avoid bruising her again, and making sure I was in control of every muscle, I wrapped my arms around her and laid my hands against her back.

The feeling of the lace under my hands was fascinating. It moved with each breath she took, and I slid my hands up and down her back, exploring the way the silky material's intricate swirls and patterns felt against Bella's skin. At any other time, I would have enjoyed the way the fabric moved and shifted, but right then, it was _in the **way.**_ No matter how fascinating or delicate, it couldn't compare to the gossamer skin of the girl in my arms, and I was tired of being separated from her.

Gathering a double handful of the material, I tugged on it, hearing a sharp shredding as it came apart in my hands. Bella seemed oblivious to the fate of her clothes, but her hands tugged my shirt over my head, and our kiss broke only long enough for her to pull it off of me. My shorts met the same fate as her gown, and at last there was nothing separating us anymore.

Bella's body rose against mine, and a sigh of relief escaped us both as she sank back down, merging our bodies together again.

Determined that no matter what else happened, I would not bruise or in any other way hurt her that night, I let my hands simply rest against the small of her back. The control I had practiced that week while resisting her served me as I managed to not dig my fingers into her.

Even so, I was having trouble focusing on keeping my arms loose around her, on not crushing her against me. I wanted to press her tightly to me and to run my hands over her body as I had done the first time, but I didn't think I would be capable of doing so and still keep my wits about me. Firmly, I reminded myself that she was silk and glass, delicate and breakable, where I was marble, too hard and strong for my own good.

I sank back into the pillows and gripped the sheets instead. I didn't care if they were ground to dust by my hands, so long as her skin wasn't damaged. Bella followed me at first, but then sat back upright to slide her hands along my chest and stomach. She closed her eyes and threw her head back, exposing the length of her throat to my gaze. Her chestnut hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders, rippling and swaying in time with her movements. Unable to look away, grateful that I didn't even need to blink, I watched in awe as my beloved Bella's body floated above my own. She rose and fell in a slow rhythm, and my silent heart swelled with joy at hearing her cries of pleasure once again.

I bent my legs to give myself leverage, and my muscles flexed as I thrust upward to meet her. Of their own accord, my hands reached for her, wanting to touch her, but I was afraid to let myself do so. Abruptly, she grabbed my hands in hers and placed them against her hips. She pressed her hands against the backs of mine, holding me in place. As she was the one applying the pressure, I didn't worry that I was hurting her, and let myself enjoy feeling my Bella make love to me.

Bella was panting fast, and her powerful scent swirled around me when she finally collapsed across my chest. However, I wasn't anywhere close to being finished. Holding her in place, I rolled us over, covering her body with mine. My name was on her lips as she started to move her hips against mine. Overjoyed that she was so willing, I kissed her face and neck, finding my favorite soft spot by her ear just so that I could breathe her name into it. Bella's writhing body sent shivers through mine, and her fingers clutched at my hair as her back arched and her legs wound around me. More than once she had been called my singer, and each sound she made was a song to my ears. I echoed her every note, or perhaps she echoed mine; I wasn't sure.

I tried to focus on two things at once - the joy I felt in her body, and _not_ killing her while I felt it. She was more delicate than a soap bubble, more breakable than a baby bird, and I barely dared to graze my fingers against the silk that covered her glass frame. Trying to avoid bruising or crushing her, I gripped the mattress by her head and felt my fingers punching holes in the flimsy material. I knew that I was right to keep my hands off of her, but, oh, she felt so good around me. Our bodies were entwined, rocking in delicious synchrony, and I added a roll of my hips against hers as I tried to keep my movements slow and gentle.

Why had I ever bothered resisting her? I knew that I could no longer claim to be the more stubborn of the two of us, and I knew also - delighted in the fact - that the next time she asked, I would not tell her no. As often as my Bella wanted me, I was hers, as I had always been. Assuming, of course, that I could make it through this night without killing her.

My hands wanted to feel her skin again, but I felt my restraint slipping and knew that would only result in more bruises. I didn't think I could take seeing that sight again. I remembered my need to bite her that first time and how I had bit something else, _anything_ else. Frantically, I reached out for something to grab ahold of and encountered something that wasn't soft and yielding. Finding myself overwhelmed by the forces within me, I clenched my fists, and what I was touching shattered and splintered in my grasp. Crying out with her release at the same time as I did from mine, Bella went limp beneath me. After a moment, I raised myself up, breathing heavily and terrified - despite feeling her beating heart - that I had killed her.

Bella's melted chocolate eyes met mine with a look of wonder. A smile spread across her face and her arms wound around my neck.

Understanding that I hadn't hurt her, I looked at my hands, confused. From between my fingers protruded bits and pieces of wood. I blinked at them and glanced above Bella's head. Several chunks of headboard were missing, and I realized that I held them in my hands. Relief washed over me and I tossed the broken bits of wood away before sliding my hands carefully beneath her body so that I could hug her.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, nearly sobbing the words in my relief. Not just relief that I hadn't killed or maimed her, but relief that the tension I had been under from denying my need to make love with her was gone. I repeated the words several times, wishing there were other words, stronger words that could convey my meaning, because those three didn't cover it. She whispered them back to me, stroking the back of my head and kissing my neck.

Carefully, I pulled away from her and rolled to my back. As she had done the first night, she rolled with me, keeping her body pressed against the length of mine. I heard her take one deep breath which she let out in a huge sigh, and then she slept. Feeling more relaxed than I had all week, I closed my eyes and lay with Bella in my arms, grateful for the gift of her love.

As the sun peeked into the room, I lifted my head so that I could study her skin. Although each bruise still looked like an accusation to me, they were all fading and yellow. I saw nothing on her to indicate I had touched her with too much force tonight.

Relief spread through me again, and I smiled ruefully. When would I ever learn to listen to her? Time and again, she had been proven right. I was a fool for ever doubting her. I had let my fears control me, and our first week as a married couple had been spent fighting instead of loving. Well, I would do my best to make up for lost time in the coming weeks. We could stay here for as long as we wanted, and now that I had loved her without bruising her, I thought, maybe next time, I could try to avoid even breaking the furniture. So long as she wasn't hurt though, I didn't care if I tore the entire house down. We could rebuild it again.

Chuckling at the idea of newlywed vampires _not_ breaking furniture, I thought of the house that awaited us in Forks. Though I had known my family was building it, Esme and Alice hadn't wanted me to be a part of it, considering the place their gift to us, though nominally, it would be Bella's. Of course, _that_ was only due to Bella's constant refusal at accepting any gifts. I could still hear Alice's high pitched voice squeaking, "Let's see her refuse _this_ one!"

I found myself thinking of what Bella had offered me earlier that night: to stay human so that I would make love to her. Now I wished that I had taken her up on the offer! How long could I convince her to put off becoming a vampire? The agreement had been simply after we got married. We would be married for eternity. A few years from now was technically 'after we got married.' Perhaps I could convince her that Charlie still needed her in his life, at least long enough to let him see us happily married.

And the longer she stayed human, the longer I got to love her human body. Despite the bright sun streaming into the room, I felt myself shiver at the thought. There was nothing that could compare with feeling Bella's body, warm and pulsing with life, wrapped snugly around my own. For a few minutes, I considered waking her, as I had wanted to do that first morning, but then I remembered that we would have company on this day. Our housekeepers were due within a few hours, and I didn't want to worry about time constraints. Besides, she would need rest and nourishment for what I had planned.

Trying to keep the need I felt for her contained, I tucked my hands under my head to resist the urge to run them over her skin, to cup her curves, to wake her, to make love to her again. Fiercely, I found myself looking forward to changing her. Then, there would be no time spent sleeping, no need to hold back from touching her as we made love, or to keep my motions careful and slow.

Ah, I was such a selfish creature!

I needed something to distract myself. Gazing at Bella's sleeping face, I wondered why she was so silent. She hadn't spoken in her sleep the entire week! I didn't think she had ever gone so long without mumbling nonsensical words from her dreams - at least, not since I had started watching her. Suddenly I found myself wondering what dream had woken her. She'd said it had been a good dream. And why had she woken from it with such an insistent need for me? I hoped she remembered her dream in the morning. Or whenever she ended up waking. It almost wasn't morning anymore.

Finally, Bella's breathing shifted just slightly, and I felt her tense briefly before relaxing against me once more. After a moment of laying silent and still, Bella lifted her head to look at me.

"How much trouble am I in?" she asked in a small voice.

Considering my anger the first morning, and my insistence since then that it was too dangerous, I guessed I shouldn't have been surprised to find that she would think I'd be mad. I felt a little bad for that, as I was anything but mad at her. Annoyed with myself for being such a stubborn fool, yes, but she was never to blame. However, I thought it would be fun to tease her a little.

"Heaps." Turning to look at her, I smirked at her expression. She was biting her lip, a crease of worry between her eyes.

Seeing my amusement, her expression cleared of the worry, and she sighed audibly. "I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean... Well, I don't know exactly what that was last night." As she spoke, her eyes widened and she blinked in confusion.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find her apologizing to me and nearly rolled my eyes. Changing the subject slightly, I indulged my curiosity. "You never did tell me what your dream was about."

Bella's body warmed. "I guess I didn't - but I sort of _showed_ you what it was about." Her laugh was a little high-pitched. She sounded so embarrassed at that admission, but I thought of how she had climbed on top of me and...

"Oh." I blinked in surprise. "Interesting." She'd been dreaming of making love with me. I felt unaccountably pleased with myself, and with her. And here I'd thought her sleep-talking was wonderful!

"It was a very good dream," she admitted shyly.

I wasn't sure what to say. A thousand responses ran through my mind, but none of them seemed worthy of what had happened between us after she'd woken up. Making love to her was better than anything I'd ever imagined. If I could have, I'd have spent my nights dreaming of loving her again, and none of them would ever live up to the reality.

"Am I forgiven?"

She sounded so upset, worried that I was mad at her for giving me the greatest pleasure I'd ever known. Trying to lighten her mood, I teased her again, "I'm thinking about it."

She moved from leaning against my chest so that she was sitting beside me, but before she became fully upright, she fell back against the pillows with a startled expression.

"Whoa... head rush."

Bella's eyes were unfocused and she looked like she might faint. Her face paled and then tinted slightly green. Concerned, I pulled her into my arms. Perhaps I _should_ have woken her.

"You slept for a long time. Twelve hours."

 _"Twelve?"_ Bella's eyes widened as she processed that information. She frowned and looked away from my probing gaze. I saw her eyes dart around, before they traveled up and down herself. She breathed deeply and moved her body against me.

I held back a grimace, realizing she was inspecting herself to make sure that I hadn't left any marks this time. "Is the inventory complete?"

She glanced back at me, blushing and nodding. "The pillows all appear to have survived."

Thinking of the mess in the master suite, I was quite glad that I hadn't destroyed these ones, too. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, nightgown." Seeing her confusion, I nodded toward the foot of the bed to where I had tossed the scraps of lace after tearing them off her.

Looking like she was fighting a laugh, she said, "That's too bad. I liked that one."

"I did, too," I admitted, abruptly wondering exactly what all else my sister had packed for Bella.

"Were there any other casualties?"

"I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame," I confessed, looking at the jagged holes I had torn from the thick wood.

"Hmm. You'd think I would have heard that."

I watched her blinking at the holes I'd made, and realized she'd been as oblivious to the fate of the bed as she had been to the pillows and her nightgown. "You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved."

"I was a bit absorbed."

To my delight, she blushed a bright red, the scent of her blood just detectable from where it swirled under her translucent skin. Brushing my fingers along the extra warmth, I sighed with just a touch of sadness, knowing her blushes were numbered. "I'm really going to miss that."

I stared back into her eyes, wondering how I would tell what she was feeling or thinking when her body was as silent and unreadable as her mind was. She was so determined that she wanted to be a vampire. Every vision Alice had shown me of that future had been an essentially still picture. I had seen her white skin and red eyes, but she had not smiled, nor given any indication of how she felt. All Alice had shown me - all she had seen - was that it would happen. I wondered if what came after was simply unreadable. Newborns were volatile and difficult to predict beyond what their instincts told them.

Having just been reminded rather forcefully of both how stubborn she was and how she always seemed to be right, I wondered if being a vampire truly would make her happy.

She pulled her lower lip in between her teeth, rolling it back and forth. The crease appeared between her eyebrows. "How are _you_ feeling?"

How was I feeling?! There weren't words to describe how I felt this morning - with the possible exception of _relieved._ Unable to help myself, I laughed at her. Certainly she had been absorbed, but couldn't she tell how good she had made me feel?

"What?"

"You look so guilty - like you've committed a crime."

"I _feel_ guilty," she admitted.

"So you seduced your all-too-willing husband," I teased, enjoying calling myself her husband. "That's not a capital offense."

Her already red cheeks darkened slightly. "The word _seduced_ implies a certain amount of premeditation."

Considering the way her need had seemed to overwhelm her last night - as it had me - I shrugged. "Maybe that was the wrong word."

Losing their look of worry, her eyes brightened and her lips curved into a smile. "You're not angry?"

Amused by her confusion, I felt a smile on my lips. "I'm not angry."

"Why not?" she demanded.

"Well..." I cocked my head at her for a moment. Did she want me to be? No, I decided. She was merely confused by the way I was acting exactly the opposite of how I'd done so far. But then, that had only been because I'd hurt her, and had been certain that a second time would kill her. I'd rarely been more glad to be wrong.

I explained, "I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses. Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect." I glanced at the bed frame, grateful that the pillows that had inspired me to grab the wood, rather than Bella's body.

Her lips spread into a delighted smile. "I _told_ you that it was all about practice."

Rolling my eyes at her I told you so, I heard her stomach rumble and laughed at the way her stomach made its needs known this morning just as it had our very first. "Breakfast time for the human?"

She sounded delighted as she said, "Please," and bounced out of the bed. Although I was used to her clumsy nature, I was surprised at the way she seemed to be still recovering from her exertions. Bella staggered, her center of balance - dubious though it already was - seeming to be off. She tilted and looked like she was about to fall right into the dresser.

Before she could contact it, I wrapped my arms around her, steadying her. Staring at her in concern, I asked, "Are you alright?"

Pushing herself upright and shrugging out of my arms, she muttered, "If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund."


	17. Practice

**17\. Practice**

After dressing, Bella headed straight for the kitchen, her stomach growling loudly.

"What would you like this morning? Cereal? Pop-Tarts? Or I could make pancakes or another omelet."

"I've got it."

I leaned against the counter, watching her cook as I had often done at Charlie's. She kept it simple, not even flipping them over before sliding the barely cooked eggs onto a plate. The yolks were runny and the translucent whites looked like they needed another minute or two, but she started eating them even as she walked toward the table. I thought it looked inordinately disgusting.

Humans were such strange creatures. Didn't she like her food cooked? If she liked them so underdone, why had she not said anything to me before?

"Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?"

"Since now." Bella shrugged as she shoved another bite into her mouth.

"Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?" I grabbed the trash can from under the sink and showed her all of the discarded egg cartons.

"Weird. This place is messing with my appetite, but I like it here."

I felt a smile tugging at my lips. I'd been afraid she didn't like the island, but I supposed it was only my stubborn rejection that had made her upset.

"We'll probably have to leave soon, though, won't we, to make it to Dartmouth in time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff, too."

 _Dartmouth?_ I slid into the chair next to hers, studying her face. It was usually easy to tell when Bella was lying, and she seemed to be sincere, but I was confused. In the past, she'd as vehemently rejected the idea of Dartmouth as she had the suggestion to stay human. Perhaps she was still trying to bribe me into making love to her again.

Trying to assure her that I was no longer going to tell her no, I said, "You can give up the college pretense now - you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached."

Bella snorted as she raised her eyebrows. "It wasn't a pretense, Edward. I don't spend _my_ free time plotting like some people do. _What can we do to wear Bella out today?"_ She had lowered her voice to mimic mine, and I laughed, delighted. "I really do want a little more time being human. I have not had enough." She reached for me, her warm hands running across my chest and continuing down my stomach.

Stopping her before her roving hands got too far, I stared at her in surprise. She had been forward with me before, but that was usually in an attempt at persuading me to do something I didn't want - or wanted too much. Now that I was a willing partner, she was telling me she was willing to stay human, just so that we could pleasure each other again?

"For _this?_ Sex was the key all along?" My mouth twisted into a wry smirk, and I muttered, "Why didn't I think of that? I could have saved myself a lot of arguments."

"Yeah, probably," she agreed with a laugh.

How many ways had I tried to convince her to live? How often had I seen humans - and Bella in particular - react to my vampire charm? If I'd been willing to compromise her virtue and take advantage of my ability to dazzle her a little fuller, would she have agreed to remain human before, just so that we could make love? I rolled my eyes. And why not? She had agreed to marry me for that reason. Bella wasn't a typical human in most instances, but apparently, where her sex drives were concerned, she was as vulnerable to the influence of her hormones as any human I'd ever met.

"You are _so_ human," I said, amused.

"I know."

She wasn't rescinding her offer, though, and I felt a hopeful smile growing on my face. "We're going to Dartmouth? Really?"

She shrugged and continued eating. "I'll probably fail out in one semester."

"I'll tutor you. You're going to love college." My grin broadened. I knew how smart she was. She'd had no trouble with the advanced courses in high school, and college classes were always far more interesting than high school ones.

She returned my smile before a look of concern crossed her face. "Do you think we can find an apartment this late?"

I bit my lip wondering if I should have let her help me pick out a place to live. But then, when I'd bought the place, I hadn't thought we would actually be _living_ there. "Well, we sort of already have a house there. You know, just in case," I admitted.

Her jaw dropped. "You bought a house?"

Attempting nonchalance, I shrugged. "Real estate is a good investment."

She studied me for a moment, and I wondered if she believed my excuse. It wasn't exactly a lie; real estate _was_ a good investment. Apparently deciding not to challenge me, she said, "So we're ready then."

Excited, I thought of everything that would need to be done before we would truly be ready. The house wasn't furnished, but the cottage was. Alice would be thrilled to know her purchases would get plenty of use no matter what house we were in. We could get a moving van and drive everything across the country, though we'd have to tow at least one of the cars. Rose would love to join us in Dartmouth since New Hampshire felt more like home to her than most places. We would need more than her and Emmett's help to get every vehicle there. Maybe we should cut our time in Forks short and move the whole family, though we'd need a bigger place for all eight of us.

Or, maybe it could be just the two of us for a little while. I didn't want to _leave_ my - _our_ \- family, but a few years on our own could be extremely fun, knowing that we would rejoin them again soon. They could keep the extra cars in Forks, and we would just need to get the furniture, my Volvo, and Bella's _Guardian_ across the country.

Hmm. The _Guardian._ "I'll have to see if we can keep your 'before' car for a little longer..." I mused.

"Yes," Bella scoffed. "Heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks."

I'd thought she didn't speak Car & Driver! I couldn't hide my delight at her knowledge of how I'd kept her safe.

"How much longer can we stay?"

I shrugged. It wouldn't take our family long to help us get across the country, even if it did take several trips. It wasn't as though we would have to stop for sleep. "We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Renee..."

Overwhelmed, I couldn't finish my sentence. Acting human with Bella, watching her _grow_ and live her life, married to the most amazing woman to ever exist, able to love her without hurting her, and not even truly leaving either of our families behind was more than I'd ever imagined possible.

She chewed on her lip thoughtfully before nodding firmly. "A few weeks." Pushing her empty plate away, the expression on her face shifted to one that sent a fire under my skin. "So I was thinking - you know what I was saying about practice before?"

Thrilled with how eager she was to love me again, I laughed. Despite my intentions to not tell her no anymore, we were about to have company.

"Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here."

Though I expected her to grimace in disappointment, her eyes took on a twinkle and her mouth pursed into an inviting smile.

 _...long have we known them, Kaure?_

 _...exactly my point!_

 _...so why bother worrying now? You've never been harmed._

 _...telling you, something is different this time._

 _...the food again..._

 _Yes, the food!_

 _...everyone needs to eat._

 _...you ever known_ them _to do so?_

"Let me explain about the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south - "

"I don't want to go out," Bella said, shaking her head firmly. "I am not hiking all over the island today. I want to stay here and watch a movie."

Though Bella had objected to our outdoor activities before, that had been because she wanted to try to talk me into being intimate with her again. This time, it was surely out of a desire to slow down and relax. Amused at her irritation, I agreed, "All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick one out while I get the door?"

"I didn't hear a knock." Her brow furrowed in confusion.

I cocked my head and tried to remember what it had been like to be human and capable of being surprised by an unexpected arrival. My senses were so much stronger than hers, but I could hear things that even others of my kind couldn't. Not even needing my enhanced hearing, I had touched their minds before they'd tied their boat to the dock, automatically translating their words into my native tongue. I watched through the eyes of the two humans who were creeping up the long sandy path from the dock to the house

 _...letting your superstitions get to you. Again, I might add._

 _...weren't so complacent when_ I _was a young girl!_

 _Bah._

 _Libishomen prey on the young!_

 _...which neither of us is any longer. Now hush. They pay us well enough to keep our mouths shut. Be grateful._

The man climbed the wide porch steps, took a deep breath, and shot a stern look at the woman who was hanging back before knocking lightly on the door.

Grinning at Bella's exasperated huff, I sauntered toward the front door.

Greeting them in Portuguese, I stayed out of the direct line of the sun as I opened the door. "Gustavo! Kaure! It's good to see you again."

The short, round man smiled nervously at me. Despite his assurances to his wife, my family's unchanging appearance disturbed him. We had taken advantage of the fact that the native peoples of the area already believed demons walked among them and had hired the newlyweds to care for our island decades earlier. Although we had been careful not to do anything a human would not have been capable of while in their presence, they knew that we were not human. As the decades passed, they had changed, but we did not.

The couple had almost abandoned us at one point, until Jasper and Carlisle had managed to convince them that we meant them no harm. The large pile of money we gave them hadn't hurt. I had listened to their minds carefully and determined that they could be trusted, even if they didn't trust us. A little fear did them no harm, and kept them from saying anything. Besides, what proof did they have? We didn't interact with anyone else they knew.

He gave me a nod while she eyed me with the same wary distrust I had grown accustomed to seeing.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen. Did everything meet your approval? We followed all of your instructions."

"You did," I assured him and gestured toward the interior of the house in invitation. "I trust you have been well?"

"Ah, well, my knees pain me some. I'm not as young as I used to be." He eyed me, shrewdly, and I couldn't help but to laugh at the unsubtle reminder that he noticed my lack of aging.

"None of us are, despite the fact that your wife is as lovely as always."

"But where is your pretty sister, then? Did your family not accompany you?"

We entered the living room, and I gestured toward the human girl who stood by the wall of movies. "My family has grown since you saw us last. Gustavo, Kaure, I'd like you to meet Isabella Cullen, my blushing bride." I laughed as her cheeks tinged pink.

 _...A human girl!_

 _...she not know the danger she is in?_

 _...call her his_ bride?

 _...could a demon like him want with a human girl?... does she know what he is?_

"Bella and I got married just this past week. We will be here for several weeks more, and I think the next time you come, I may need you to bring some more eggs."

 _...perhaps her fears aren't as silly as I thought ...flaunting his victim..._

Gustavo managed to smile politely at Bella, but his tiny wife stared at mine with terror in her eyes. Her thoughts were no longer coherent, but I saw flashes of images from the stories she had been told as a young girl. They were far too similar to what I'd seen in Jacob's mind, and I gestured for them to follow me, trying to disrupt the pattern of the woman's thoughts. I'd seen Bella dead in far too many of Alice's visions; I didn't need yet another mind picturing me killing her.

When I opened the door, I was pleased to see that the feather blizzard had settled. Without the open outer door or my movements to stir the wind, the puffs of white had fallen to coat the entire room.

 _...what happened in here?!_

 _...family have to destroy things_ every _time they come here?_

Finding a strange need to clear my throat again, I sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck with one hand while I gestured toward the room with my other. "Please start in here." When their questioning eyes met mine, I grimaced, having no desire to admit to what had really happened to the pillows. Attempting nonchalance, I spoke in an even voice. "I decided I just didn't like those pillows anymore. Though, I wasn't really expecting the filling to go everywhere. They made quite the mess..."

I trailed off realizing I could have told them anything and they wouldn't have believed it.

"You're paid to clean, not to question me," I snapped at them. Pausing before I walked away, I muttered, "Stay out of the blue room."

I returned to the living room to find Bella simply standing where I'd left her. Needing to feel her warm body against mine, I pulled her into my arms. Sighing in relief at having her pressed against me, I vowed that I would never hurt her again. What those humans thought didn't matter. What Tanya, Jacob, and the wolves thought didn't matter. None of them understood us. We loved each other, and that was all that would ever matter.

"What's with her?" Bella whispered against my chest.

I should have guessed that Bella's clear eyes would see Kaure's fear. "Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious - or you could call it more aware - than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough. They have their own legends here. The _Libishomen_ \- a blood drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women." Deliberately, I showed her all of my teeth, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

Naturally, Bella blushed under the intensity of my gaze. "She looked terrified."

"She is - but mostly she's worried about you."

"Me?"

"She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone." If they knew the truth - that she was not my prey, but truly my wife - they would surely think she had lost her mind, or that I had put her under some kind of spell. Well, perhaps I had. I chuckled at how often had she accused me of unintentionally dazzling her. "Oh well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do."

"Yes," Bella said as she made a rude noise in the back of her throat. "I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." She giggled and slid her hands along my neck. Her warmth sent shivers down my spine in anticipation of what I knew would come later. Rising onto her toes she pulled me close for a kiss. Her sweetness surrounded me, the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair and skin, the warmth radiating from her body, and I pressed her tighter to me, picking her up off the ground to touch my lips to the pulse in her throat.

Her hands knotted themselves in my hair, and she muttered, "Movie, schmovie."

I chuckled against her skin, thrilled that I could make her respond to me in such a way. I had tuned out the two minds that were in the house with us, uninterested in their dark speculations, especially when Bella was so much more interesting. Becoming aware of the image of us at the same time as I heard the woman gasp, I saw myself in Kaure's mind: a pale, dead-looking creature with my face buried in the long hair of the vibrant, pink girl in my arms. I saw how my mouth was invisible against the skin of her throat. I saw how Bella's eyes were closed and her lips parted, her forehead creased in what I recognized as an expression of anticipation or pleasure.

Kaure, however, saw only what she expected to see. I had surely waited until I had an audience just so that I could kill Bella in front of them.

Her mind was screaming the accusations at me, words which I had used to describe myself all too often. _Demon! Killer! Murderer! Monster!_

My arms loosened, and Bella's feet hit the floor. She stared at me in surprise, but I turned my eyes to meet those of woman who was watching us. There was a flicker of an image in her mind - an expectation: my mouth stained with the girl's blood, her body drained and limp in my arms with her neck torn open. The image was gone as soon as her brain processed the fact that I was _not_ covered in Bella's blood, and the girl in question was clinging to me with her throat still very much intact.

Realizing that she was standing there gaping at me, Kaure closed her mouth with a snap and an audible swallow. "Forgive my intrusion," she muttered.

"Think nothing of it. Go about your business."

She nodded slightly and walked away, trailing feathers from her hair and clothes. I grimaced, realizing we would probably still be finding those damned feathers years from now. I would have to speak with my mother about her choice of accessories when furnishing a house for romantically inclined vampires - newborn, newlywed, or otherwise.

"She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?" Bella whispered.

Snickering at Bella's phrasing, I nodded. "Yes."

Her eyes not leaving mine, she reached toward the wall of movies and snagged one from the shelf. "Here. Put this on and we can pretend to watch it."

"Very honeymoonish." I nodded, pleased with her unintentional choice. An inch to the right and she would have grabbed Romeo and Juliet - hardly appropriate for our honeymoon as far as I was concerned, though Bella liked the play. As it was, the movie she chose was a romantic musical, and one of Esme's favorites.

Once the movie was playing, I sat on the couch and wordlessly invited Bella into my arms. Her eyes bright and her lips curving into a pleased smile, she climbed onto my lap and leaned into me. Since her ear was pressed against my chest, I hummed along with the songs, watching in amusement as Bella began to blink sleepily at the screen.

"Will we move back into the white room now?"

"I don't know... I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair - maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday."

The grin that took over Bella's face was made only more adorable by her words. "So there will be more destruction?"

I couldn't help but laugh at her eagerness. "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again."

"It would only be a matter of time," she assured me, calmly. However, I had little doubt that if she didn't initiate something the first chance she got, _I_ would. I had to resist the urge to yell for the human couple to finish what they were doing quickly and be on their way. Bella's heart abruptly broke into a sprint, though she hadn't moved in my arms.

"Is there something the matter with your heart?"

"Nope. Healthy as a horse."

Hmm. We'd been talking of destroying more of the bed. Considering how often she'd tried to talk me into having sex with her that week, I wondered if she was as excited by the coming afternoon as I was.

Two bright spots of red appeared on her cheeks, and after only a short pause, she confirmed my suspicions. "Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?"

Holding back a grin, I cautioned her, "Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're alone. _You_ may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them."

She blinked in seeming surprise. "Right. Drat."

I chuckled and hugged her closer to my body, grateful that the wall I'd put between us was gone now. I must have been the world's biggest fool. Bella's love was the greatest gift I could possibly have been given, and I had allowed my fears to get in the way of our time together. Sternly, I resolved not to let my fears control me any longer. She believed I was good, so I would do my best to be good. She believed I could never hurt her, so I would do everything in my power to see that she was proved right. She believed she would be capable of refraining from killing once I turned her, so I would trust her, and when the time came, help protect her from herself, but not from me. Not anymore.

"Mr. Cullen." At the sound of Gustavo's voice, Bella - who had been nearly asleep in my lap - jumped. Keeping my arms around her, I met his eyes. When he saw that he had my attention, he continued, "We are finished."

"Thank you, Gustavo, and please thank Kaure for me."

He nodded.

"You will find a deposit in your account as usual. Please return next week, and remember to bring more eggs."

"We have some obligations for the first of the week. Would Wednesday be acceptable, or - "

"No, no. Wednesday will be just fine."

Nodding his head once more, he hurried to rejoin his wife, who was waiting impatiently on the porch.

Meeting Bella's questioning eyes, I explained, "They're finished."

She arched an eyebrow at me, and I saw a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, giving me a hint of what she was thinking even before she spoke. "So does that mean we're alone now?"

As little as Bella had eaten for breakfast, I thought that I should feed her before getting distracted. "How about lunch first?"

She chewed on her lip, as though unable to decide which hunger she wanted to satisfy first. Considering what I had planned, I made the decision for her. Despite the rather large meal I fixed, she once again ate nearly every bite.

"This is getting out of hand," she said with a scowl at the empty plate in front of her.

Deciding it would be fun to tease her, I said, "Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon - burn off the calories?"

She eyed be briefly before giving me a sly smile. "Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories."

I didn't bother trying to keep my body from responding to her expression. For once knowing exactly what was on her mind, but still wanting to hear her say it, I pressed, "And what was that?"

Bella's smile widened, and a blush spread across her cheeks. "Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left - "

Before she could finish her sentence, I scooped her up and silenced her with a kiss. Sauntering at a slightly faster than human pace, I took her into our bedroom.

She was giggling breathlessly when I set her down on her feet and began to tug her shirt over her head.

I put my hands over hers, stopping her with a stern shake of my head. "Will you please stop trying to take your clothes off?"

Her smile fell, and she looked at me with hurt in her eyes.

Smirking, I put my lips against her ear. "I want to do that part."

Her heart broke into a sprint, and her smile returned. Winding her arms around my neck, she said, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Not wanting to shred her clothes again simply for the pleasure of removing them slowly, I slid my hands under her shirt and up the warm, smooth skin of her back. My thumbs caught the bottom edge of her shirt, and I slipped it over her head, pleased that she hadn't bothered to wear anything underneath. With one hand resting lightly against the small of her back, the other moved to cup one of her breasts. It was different with her standing than when she'd been laying down, and I enjoyed feeling its slight weight in my hand.

She steadied herself with her hands on my arms and closed her eyes with a smile. I wanted to taste her skin again and leaned down to find my favorite spot just under her ear. Her hands moved up into my hair as I kissed her, and I moaned softly at her gentle touch. Bella was half naked in my arms, but while that was undeniably pleasant, it was hardly enough. I wanted to fully unwrap her beautiful body from the clothes that hid it from my view.

Just because I had loved her once without hurting her did not mean I could afford to get careless, and we had all the time in the world. Deliberately keeping my motions slower than a human would normally have moved, I eased her shorts down and let them fall to her ankles. My fingers brushed the lace before they slid into the elastic waistband of her panties, and I tugged them down her legs, kissing her breasts, stomach, and legs along the way. I supported her with one arm as she stepped out of them before I tossed them and her shorts unceremoniously aside. Her hips were level with my eyes as I knelt in front of her, and I pulled her close so that I might lay my head against her flat stomach. I let my hands circle around to cup her curvy bottom and chuckled as I felt her muscles flexing.

She said my name softly, and I looked up to meet her eyes with a smile. I would never tire of hearing my name fall from her lips. Her eyes were bright with excitement, and her lips curved upwards. They looked so inviting and sweet, I ached to taste them again. Bella pulled my shirt over my head as I worked my way back up to her mouth. She tucked her hands into my shorts, and I couldn't stop myself from pulling away from her mouth to watch as she undid the button and zipper. The sounds of her shaky breaths and racing heart were loud in my ears as she pushed my shorts from my hips, and they fell to the floor, exposing exactly how much I wanted her.

In her bedroom at Charlie's house, Bella had run her hands along my bare chest, back, and stomach every night since she had accepted my proposal - barring the few I had spent out hunting - but I doubted I would ever grow accustomed to the shock of her hands as they burned like flames against my sensitive skin. I'd been inside her twice, but she still seemed to be as curious as I had been our first night as she let her fingers trail down to graze along my exposed length. Though I had stopped her our first night, I bit my lip and let her explore the way I felt. Her touch was as light and gentle as everything else about her, but when she wrapped her hand around me, the pleasure I felt was almost painful.

Letting out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, I thrust my hands into her hair and caught her mouth in a fierce kiss. Bella threw her arms around my neck and pressed her naked body against mine, kissing me as eagerly as I was kissing her. I hadn't been prepared for the way it felt for her to touch me like that, and it took a moment before I trusted myself enough to unlock my muscles. When I finally lifted her into my arms, she wound her legs around my waist, feverishly kissing my face, jaw, and neck. I held her carefully against me and walked us over to the bed we had shared last night with every intention of spending the rest of the afternoon making slow, delicious love with my Bella. The headboard received several more hand-sized holes and the sheets ended up in tattered shreds, but my hands never again marked Bella's perfect skin.


	18. Book 2: Be Careful What You Wish For

**Book 2: Be Careful What You Wish For**

 **18\. Unexpected**

Bella and I spent the next week as true newlyweds. We didn't spend our time only making love, but it felt to me as though every action - from cuddling on the couch to tidying up after her meals - was an affirmation of our love. We still swam in the river and floated in the ocean, only now, instead of avoiding touching her, our limbs were tangled together while we kissed. We basked in the sun on the beach, traipsed all over the island, and even jumped from the high cliff on the rocky western point, but our entertainments were no longer distractions or done in an effort to wear Bella out. Our outdoor activities now were preludes to our indoor ones.

I was glad that Alice had packed us such an extensive collection of bathing suits. Not that I minded swimming naked with Bella - not at all! - but I thoroughly enjoyed removing the skimpy pieces of fabric, just as I enjoyed feeling her slide her hands into my trunks. When our desires got the better of us while we swam, we simply left our clothes in the sea, not bothering to retrieve them in our haste to return to the house where I could make sure I turned my strength against the furniture. We ended up moving back to the white room after all, once the bed in the blue room was no longer fit for her to sleep on - and after I had removed any and all pillows which contained feathers.

Since the bruises continued to fade until they disappeared entirely and I managed to not hurt her after our first time, as long as I remained careful and mindful of my actions, I could explore her body as often as I wanted. We both knew that if I didn't initiate things, _she_ would, but I found that I enjoyed letting her. Now that I knew how glorious it was to make love to Bella, I couldn't get enough of her. I _was_ seventeen after all, and had been celibate for a century. I certainly didn't feel a hundred years old; rather, I felt like a newborn with an insatiable thirst, only my need wasn't for human blood; it was for Bella's love.

Though I didn't dare run my hands over her while we made love, I couldn't stop doing so when I knew I was in control of myself. I loved the reactions of her heart and the expressions she would make just from me grazing a finger over any exposed region of her creamy skin. I wasn't sure if it was simply her complexion, or if it was the copious amounts of sunscreen she used, but after two weeks, she was nearly as fair as when we had arrived - incentive enough to try and discover how far her blush could spread.

What I had seen - and tried to ignore - in the minds of those around me over the past century couldn't come close to comparing with what Bella and I shared. There had always been a difference between experiencing others' senses and my own, but I didn't think that accounted for the intensity between us. No doubt the strength of our bond - which had so surprised Marcus in Volterra - had grown exponentially since our wedding.

When we swam, hiked, or simply sat together pretending to watch a movie, we were in almost constant contact. We held hands while we looked for shells in the tide pools, I played with her hair while she lounged on my lap, and she wrapped herself around me when I swam into the open ocean. At night, I would wrap myself around her while she slept, tucking her smooth back against my stomach and folding her into the circle of my arms.

Holding Bella's naked body while she slept was better by far than holding her when she was swathed in thick blankets, but I wasn't sure if I preferred her nudity or when she would don one of the many lacy outfits Alice had packed. When not in the way of our love-making, I found the lingerie she wore to be quite interesting. I ran light fingers over her while she slept, tracing the patterns of the lace, and found myself inspired by both the repetitive swirls and frilly flairs that accentuated the highs and lows of Bella's curves. Not having access to my piano, I couldn't play the tune that began to unfold in my mind, but when we got back, I would have a new song to present to my blushing bride. Inspired by her very feminine clothes, it would be both dedicated to and about the joys I experienced as I brought pleasure to her body with mine.

Watching Bella sleep had always fascinated me, but this was in large part due to her sleep-talking. It was the first peek into her mind I'd ever truly had, and I treasured those unguarded moments. Since our arrival on the island however, her sleep had been still and silent, even if it was neither dreamless nor as peaceful as it looked. Knowing that - at least once - she had dreamt of making love with me, I wished more than ever that I could just _see._ Yet no matter how much I might wish I could glimpse inside her mind, trying to do so was an exercise in futility.

Instead, I finally gave in to the desire I'd had our first morning. Carefully running my fingers over her skin, I kissed her face and neck, moving to her shoulder and down her arm and back again until I heard her breathing change. When her eyes finally opened, I watched a slow smile spread across her sleepy face and met it with a crooked grin of my own. Pleased that she was awake and that she didn't seem upset that I'd awoken her, I caught her mouth with mine and pressed myself against her. I knew as I did so that the reason I had interrupted her sleep would be rather obvious. After indulging in a human minute or two in the bathroom, she returned to me with an eager smile.

Just as an excuse to hold her close and feel her body move, I put on some music and twirled her about the house. She'd told me at our wedding that dancing with me wasn't so bad, and I loved proving to her that it could be much more than that. I made sure to hold her gently but securely, and began to run through some of my favorite dances. For years I had danced chastely with my mother and sisters and had watched with more than a little envy as the dances they shared with their mates were more intimate. Though they had always taken care to include me, I had usually been the one supplying the music for them to dance to, rather than the one dancing.

When next my family got together for an evening of music and fun, I would be hard pressed to feel any desire to retake my place as musician, not when I had Bella to dance with! She trusted me completely, and allowed me to slide my feet under hers so that I stepped and spun for the both of us. One day, I hoped she would feel confident enough in herself to dance without my help. For now, I had fun eliciting blushes and squeals when I dipped her close to the floor or lifted her into the air. Feeling mischievous, I chuckled in her ear and began to spin us faster and faster until she started to cling to me, giggling breathlessly and exclaiming my name. I waited until she caught her breath before pulling her legs up to rest on my hips so that I might use a few moves that would have been inappropriate on a ballroom dance floor. To my delight, she responded with enthusiasm, and our dance ended with us in the bedroom once more.

Holding my sleeping Bella in my arms, I wondered if I had died and somehow found my way to Heaven. The past week I had spent as Bella's lover had brought me more happiness than I'd ever known was possible. The only problem was that I was getting very thirsty. We had been on the island for more than two weeks, and I was overdue for a hunt. As I lay in bed with her, my throat was burning with the constant flow of venom. The jungles around Rio were filled with prey and images of them kept running through my mind. I didn't want to leave her, but there wasn't any place safer for Bella to be than in our beach-house, asleep in our bed. I certainly couldn't take her hunting with me. In fact, she would be safer if I wasn't so thirsty. It had been difficult enough our first night when I had just glutted myself hunting with my brothers the night before. Tonight, my jaw ached from how hard I'd clenched it to avoid biting her.

I wondered at the difference making love to her made. The part of me that once had craved her blood had been eradicated by my mistaken belief in her death. I had even helped her to bandage cuts that had flowed with her fresh blood with no temptation to taste it. Yet when she pressed her naked body against mine as I slid inside of her, some instinct within me generated a need to bite her. Not doing so was getting more difficult the longer I went without drinking. Worried that the next time we made love - which I was certain would be some time that day - I would be unable to stop myself, I decided it was time to hunt.

And right that very moment, too.

Extricating myself from Bella's warm arms, I stood beside her for a short time, watching her silent sleep before pulling some clothes on and retrieving a pen and a piece of paper from the kitchen drawer. Smiling to myself, I addressed one side of the paper to Mrs. Cullen and penned a quick note on the other to explain where I had gone.

 **I'm hoping you won't wake and notice my absence, but, if you should, I'll be back very soon. I've just gone to the mainland to hunt. Go back to sleep and I'll be here when you wake again. I love you.**

I placed it where I had lain, frowning at the thought of leaving her. My leaving had upset her in the past and my actions the previous year made it difficult for her to avoid feeling abandoned. Reminding myself that it would only be a few hours and that Bella would most likely sleep the entire time, I turned and sprinted toward the boat. If I was going to go, I had better do so quickly.

Though I had a dock in Rio which I could have used, I didn't want to run into either of the coven members who claimed Rio for their own. I hadn't worried that we would be scented while riding in the taxi between the airport and the dock, but I doubted I would make it through the city on foot without my presence being known. I wasn't worried for myself; Rafael and Carlos were friendly - for the most part - but I was not the only vampire who found Bella's scent exceptionally tantalizing. I didn't want to take the chance that they would scent her on me, or even just scent _me_ and decide to pay my family a visit. I could picture only too easily what would happen should they find her alone in our beach house.

Rather than chance an encounter, I chose to angle my boat up one of the rivers that emptied into the ocean a short distance from downtown. The mangroves grew right up to the water's edge, and it was easy to hop onto the land and tie the boat to a tree before I took off at a sprint into the protected forest. Trying not to be picky over the flavor of my prey, wanting only the quickest of meals so that I could get back to my honeymoon, I pounced on the first large animal that I came across, draining the tapir and leaving it in the mud where I had found it. Unlike at home, I didn't really care if the animal was found by a human before a scavenger came along, though I thought it unlikely. I wouldn't be hunting enough of the creatures here for any kind of a pattern to be noticed. Not as bland as the deer I found in the forests at home, the tapir was still hardly satisfying despite its size, so I continued on, sniffing the rich forest air.

I found a family of peccary, and enjoyed the once familiar flavor mixture of predator and prey, but left after only one. Though I didn't want to stay out too long, I was hoping for a jungle cat to finish off my meal. Luck was with me, and I scented a jaguar who was hunting for his own prey. Creeping toward him, I watched him gather himself for a leap at a coati. Its brown and yellow ringed tail held high in the manner of a house cat's, the raccoon-like creature was searching through the leaf litter for lizards and insects, as unaware of the large feline who had spotted it as the jaguar was of me.

Just as he pushed off from the tree limb on which he'd been crouched, I zipped between the cat and the coati, allowing the spotted cat to leap right into my arms. Chuckling at his look of surprise, I broke his neck quickly and was finished with him before the cat's intended prey had disappeared from my sight. Quite pleased that I had managed to hunt without damaging my clothes, I saw that - since I wasn't bothering with burying their bodies - I wasn't even dirty. Full now and uninterested in the little coati, though he smelled rather like a young bear, I left the jaguar on the ground and sprinted back to the boat. My hunt hadn't taken all that long, but the boat ride had, and I had been gone for several hours already. I couldn't help but to worry over the girl I had left behind, not to mention the fact that the sun was rising, and I still had to get past the beaches without being seen.

Fretting over my decision to leave so late in the night, to leave without speaking to Bella, to leave at _all,_ I couldn't make the boat go fast enough to suit me. I had to admit that I felt much better, especially after the jaguar; I had definitely needed to hunt. Still, it was mid-morning when the boat nudged to stop against our dock. I could hear Bella's steady heart beat as I zipped up the path and bounded up the wide porch steps with a happy smile. I was home, again.

Although she was asleep, she had obviously woken while I was gone. Bella no longer slept in the bed, but was stretched out on the couch. Apparently she had woken hungry, and had fixed herself something to eat. All of the windows were open, though even the stiff breeze hadn't cleared the stench of cooked meat from the air. Bella was sweating in her sleep, a frown creased her forehead, and her lips pressed into a pout.

Abruptly feeling bad, I realized she was hot. I hadn't even considered the fact that I had been keeping her from overheating! Without my cold touch, she looked uncomfortably warm. Trying not to wake her, I slid my hands under her body, picked her up, and turned to sit on the couch with the sleeping girl in my arms. Her eyelids fluttered, and a grimace crossed her face.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, wiping a fresh bead of sweat from her forehead. "So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again."

The grimace deepened and her lips pulled back from her teeth. She pushed against my arms, thrusting herself away from me. "Excuse me!"

Shocked at her sudden rejection, I dropped my arms. I hadn't thought she would be angry with me for leaving. She knew my hunting habits. Hadn't she found the note? "Bella?"

Bella rolled off of my lap the moment I was no longer holding her in place and without a word, she scrambled to her feet, put a hand over her mouth, and sprinted away from me.

I followed her, feeling an odd twisting of fear in my chest. Although I had always given her her privacy in the bathroom, when she shoved the door open and threw herself toward the toilet, I realized _she_ wasn't upset, her stomach was. Before she could get sick in her hair, I scooped it away from her face, holding the silky locks behind her head. Bella was gripping the sides of the toilet with enough strength to turn her knuckles white as her body forcefully rejected the contents of her stomach.

"Bella? What's wrong?" _Stupid question!_ But I wasn't sure what was making her so sick. She couldn't have contracted anything! The only people she'd been around had been our housekeepers and that had been more than a week prior. Most illnesses - at least those that induced vomiting - had a relatively short incubation time. Feeling useless as she coughed and strained over the toilet, I rubbed her back and held her hair, waiting anxiously for her to finish.

Finally catching her breath, she leaned weakly against the toilet and muttered, "Damn rancid chicken."

"Are you alright?" I pressed.

"Fine. It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away."

Abruptly furious with Kaure for giving Bella bad food, I growled, "Not likely, Bella."

"Go away," she moaned, pushing her hands against mine as she tried to stand.

I put a hand under her elbow, supporting her as she reached for the sink and a cup. Her face was paler than mine, and I could feel her muscles trembling while she rinsed her mouth out. Although my stomach rejected human food, it had only ever been an unpleasant necessity, even if I understood her desire to wash the taste from her mouth. She seemed to be barely able to stand, and the water sloshed slightly in the cup she held.

When she finished, I scooped her into my arms and took her back to our bed. I sat her upright, but kept my arms around her, just in case.

"Food poisoning?"

"Yeah." Even her voice was weak. "I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

She was still sweating, though her color was coming back into her face. I pressed a hand to her forehead, but she felt the same to my skin temperature as she always did. "How do you feel now?"

She breathed for a moment, blinking and considering her response. "Pretty normal. A little hungry, actually."

"Hungry?" I asked skeptically.

"Yeah. Think you could cook me some eggs?" Her lips curved in a hopeful smile, but I shook my head.

"You just got sick, and now you want to eat again, already?"

She shrugged. "I told you I feel fine, now."

"That may be, but I think you should wait a little while, unless you want to go through that again. Perhaps see if you can keep some water down. I don't want you to get dehydrated."

"Fine," she huffed.

She walked to the living room without my assistance, though she seemed slightly more wobbly than usual. I brought her a large cup of water, cautioning her to sip it slowly. Simply to have something to do, I turned on the television, flipping to a news channel. After Bella kept the water down for an hour, she still wanted some eggs, so I indulged her request, watching her hungrily eat every bite. When she finished, we returned to the couch where she curled up on my lap and stared at the television with me.

I was reviewing everything I knew about food poisoning. Based on the onset of her symptoms, I thought it could have been caused by Salmonella. The chicken supported that diagnosis. However, Salmonella did not present with a single case of vomiting and then go away, and more often presented with the patient _sitting_ on the toilet, not leaning over it. If indeed it was food poisoning, then she should be sick again, and likely for the next few days or even a week. Of course, I knew what a weak stomach Bella had. It might not have been food _poisoning._ I'd heard humans say food didn't agree with them. If it simply didn't agree with her, then once it was out of her system, she would be fine - as she was now claiming to be.

She'd called the chicken rancid, and said it had tasted off. I was about to get up to sniff the contents of the trashcan for myself when she tired of the news and turned to me with a smile. I recognized the look in her eye and felt my body wanting to respond, but although I had vowed not to tell her no again, I didn't think _now_ was a good time.

Before I could say anything, her face contorted into another grimace of pain and she hissed sharply through her teeth. Bella was off my lap and sprinting toward the sink this time, with me once again right behind her to hold her hair.

Well, unfortunately, that made sense, if indeed the chicken had been bad as she had said. Salmonella wasn't just going to go away. In fact, she was probably going to get worse before she got better. "Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor."

Her eyes widened at my suggestion and she shook her head firmly. "I'll be fine right after I brush my teeth."

I watched her uneasily as she walked away from me. When she closed the door to the bathroom behind her, I pulled the trashcan from under the sink. Unable to help myself, my nose wrinkled in disgust at the smell of fried flesh, oil, singed breading, and scalded spices. Despite the way it smelled to me though, I didn't think it smelled _bad._ Certainly not rancid. Just... gross, like all human food. Picking at it lightly, I thought it looked like she had cooked it all the way through, too. I shoved the can back under the sink and washed my hands before turning to scowl worriedly down the hallway. I'd heard the water running, but it had been off for some time now, and she still hadn't come out.

Deciding her privacy could take a back seat when her health was involved, I strode down the hall and knocked lightly on the closed door. "Are you well? Did you get sick again?"

"Yes and no," she said in an odd tone.

Standing in the hallway, I glared in frustration at the closed door. Not seeing her was heightening my anxiety. "Bella? Can I please come in?"

"O...kay?"

Although she had sounded doubtful, she had assented, so I opened the door. I found her sitting on the floor by her travel case, an expression of bewilderment on her face. That should have been reassuring, but there was something else, too. Shock? Dread? Confusion? Unable to make sense of her usually easy to read emotions for once, I joined her on the floor, feeling her forehead for the onset of a fever. She felt normal.

"What's wrong?" I pressed.

"How many days has it been since the wedding?"

"Seventeen."

She nodded and her look of bewildered confusion returned, but she didn't elaborate.

"Bella, what is it?"

She didn't answer me, but remained on the floor of the bathroom in silence, with one finger held up to me. She was moving her lips just barely, as though talking to herself. I stared at her face, the familiar wish that I could just _see_ into her mind plaguing me again. A minute passed. Then another. Perhaps that wasn't a long time to a human, but to me, it felt like she sat there in stunned silence for days.

"Bella! I'm losing my mind over here."

Without speaking, she reached onto her bag and rooted around. With that strange look still on her face, she held up a box of feminine products, as if in explanation.

I inhaled briefly, but detected no change in Bella's scent that indicated she was menstruating. Bella had always been discreet about her feminine cycles, for which I was grateful for more than one reason, but I had always known. I also knew how dismissive she was of her own safety, and she had already rejected my suggestion to visit the doctor. Was she simply trying to make me not worry?

"What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?"

"No." Bella seemed to have to force herself to speak. "No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late. I don't think I have food poisoning."

Confused, I stared at her. The only acute onset illnesses I knew of that affected a woman's menstrual cycle were sexually related and caused more bleeding, not less. She had come to me a virgin, as I knew all too well. Even had I been with anyone before her, vampires didn't carry diseases. Why was she trying to explain her vomiting with her missing cycles?

Then again, Salmonella wouldn't have affected her cycles either, especially as she said she was five days late. That timing didn't match at all with her vomiting. And, aside from the actual throwing up, she didn't seem nauseous. She had scarfed down the eggs this morning just as she had on our first.

In fact, the only thing I could think of that would affect a woman's menstrual cycles and induce vomiting was... impossible.

Wasn't it?

"The dreams. Sleeping so much. The crying. All that food. Oh. Oh. _Oh."_ Bella folded her hands over her abdomen, her expression changing from bewildered shock to one of recognition. "Oh!"

Bella couldn't be...

There had to be some other explanation. I called up my medical training and ran through every illness - acute or otherwise - that would fit Bella's symptoms. Nothing really matched. Even if she _was_ \- which she wasn't, she couldn't be - it would have been too early for her to notice anything. Even if it had happened that glorious first night, that had been little more than two weeks earlier. Her body should barely notice any changes _other_ than the missing period. Well, perhaps the vomiting. But the other things, the sleeping and eating... well, that had been different since our arrival. That was just... well, it was the island's affect on her, surely. People slept and ate more when they were on vacation, didn't they?

Bella jumped to her feet, leaving me sitting on the floor, incapable of movement. Unable to do anything but watch, I saw Bella lift her shirt, exposing her normally flat stomach.

"Impossible," she muttered. Her fingers were shaky as she ran them over her waist and across her belly. She twisted her hips, staring at herself in the mirror with her mouth hanging open. Just the day before, I had run my hands over that very spot while I swam with her. I knew for a fact that the slight bulge between her hips hadn't been there.

What could have caused _that?!_ Cancer? A parasite? Some other kind of malignant growth? Possibly, but again, the timing didn't match. _Nothing_ matched. Not even the explanation that was screaming at me from the back of my mind, the one I kept blocking because _it wasn't_ _ **possible!**_

"Impossible," Bella muttered, seeming to agree with me.

Could she have been sick before we left? I should have had Carlisle give her a physical! But she'd always seemed so healthy, with no scent of illness on her. Her lifestyle promoted health - when the vampire was taken out of the equation - in the vegetables that she ate, the fact that she never tainted her perfection with any kind of drug, usually foregoing even caffeine. And, though she could have used more exercise, she'd been getting plenty of that since we'd arrived.

Some part of me that wasn't staring in dread and confusion at my Bella, that wasn't blocking out the explanation that kept trying to make itself known, was vaguely aware that a phone was ringing somewhere.

Bella had agreed to stay human. Was this some sick sort of joke Fate was playing on me? I was married to my very own angel, she had agreed to live her life with me and not become a vampire - for the foreseeable future - to go to college with me, to give me her human body to love as often as I wanted. I had almost everything I had ever wished for and more. Indeed, the only other thing I had wished for, the one thing more impossible than any of the others, was the one I was staring at between Bella's hips.

But it was all wrong. If she was - which she couldn't be, but if she _was_ \- she shouldn't be showing! That wouldn't happen for another three months or so.

She knelt in front of me.

The phone was still ringing.

Something was very wrong.

Bella had tears streaming from her eyes.

Why didn't someone get the damn phone?!

Bella was moving strangely, carefully, like something hurt.

Her gentle hands were on me, but I couldn't move.

Something was wrong with my Bella.

She pulled out a small rectangle from my pocket, opened it, and put it to her ear.

I was grateful when the incessant ringing ended.

"Hi, Alice." She cleared her throat, apparently as shaken up as I was.

Bella was sick, and whatever it was seemed to be affecting her whole body. Her appetite, her feminine cycles, making her ravenous one moment and then vomit the next, her sleeping, but not her dreams, surely an illness couldn't affect _dreams_. A person's subconscious might cause them to dream of an illness, but it didn't work the other way around.

Something was _wrong_.

And, apparently, it was growing.

I - I would just have to change her! I had been planning to already, anyway. She couldn't be allowed to sicken and die. Not now, not ever. Not when I could save her.

My sister's high-pitched voice came through the phone, full of alarm. "Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?" She sounded weird, her voice high and tight.

"He is. What's the problem?" Alice demanded.

The _problem?!_ The problem was: my wife was sick! How did she not see that?! Why else was she calling _now?!_

"I'm not... one hundred percent... sure..."

"Is Edward alright?" She yelled my father's name before returning to questioning Bella. "Why didn't he pick up the phone?"

Why was she worried about me? _I_ wasn't the one with some horrible illness threatening me!

"I'm not sure."

Unless... she worried about me because of what she saw happening to Bella. They knew I wouldn't survive her loss. _No._ No, I would change her before it got worse. Or Carlisle. He could fix it. He was a brilliant doctor with centuries of experience. He fixed Jacob. He could fix Bella.

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw - "

"What did you see?"

I waited in dread for Alice to answer, but there was only silence from her end. After what felt like hours, she said, "Here's Carlisle."

Bella's heart broke into a sprint. Surely she understood as well as I. If Alice didn't want to say, then it couldn't be good.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?"

"I - " She stared at me with her mouth hanging open. "I'm a little worried about Edward... Can vampires go into shock?"

Me? Why the Hell would she be worried about _me?!_

"Has he been harmed?"

Why was everyone worried about the damned vampire? Why was no one worried about the human girl with the mysterious and dangerous illness?

"No, no. Just taken by surprise."

No. Not surprise. Fear, confusion, disappointment, certainly I felt those. But surprise? Of _course_ my Bella would get sick. Every possible danger sought her out! Was it that surprising that a new illness would find her? I thought not.

"I think..."

She was sick.

"Well, I think that..."

Some never before seen illness.

"Maybe..."

And I was going to have to save her, to change her when she'd agreed to remain human at last.

"I might be..."

But she wasn't... she couldn't be...

"Pregnant."

No. No she wasn't. She thought she was pregnant?! It wasn't possible! The only one she had ever had sex with was me. _I_ couldn't have gotten her pregnant! I was a vampire! Vampires couldn't have children; everyone knew that! Rose and Esme and Alice, they had been sexually active for years, decades, and they wanted children - or at least, Rose and Esme did. If it were possible - _which it **wasn't** _ \- then wouldn't I have had a little brother or sister by now? A niece or a nephew?

The whole reason immortal children had ever existed was because vampire women wanted children they were incapable of producing!

But Bella wasn't a vampire woman, not yet. She was human.

But I was a vampire man! Bella might be capable of becoming a mother, but I couldn't be a father!

Could I?

And if I _did_ father a child... what in God's name would it be? Not a normal child, certainly. Not the chestnut-haired miniature Bella I had imagined playing in the sand on our beach. Not the green-eyed version of my human self I had pictured swinging from the trees. If it _was_ a child - which it wasn't, it couldn't be - then its rapid development told me all that I needed to know.

It was dangerous.

The calming voice of my father asked, "When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?"

"Sixteen days before the wedding."

"How do you feel?"

"Weird."

I saw yet more tears leaking from her eyes and wanted to reach up to wipe them away, but my arms wouldn't work. My entire body seemed to have become non-responsive since the moment I saw the bulge growing in Bella's stomach.

"This is going to sound crazy - look, I know it's way too early for any of this. Maybe I _am_ crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and throwing up and... and... I swear something _moved_ inside me just now."

 ** _Moved?!_**

As if the word unlocked my muscles, I felt my head snap up to look away from the bump between her hips for the first time. I met her wide, tear-filled eyes and saw an odd relief in them. Slowly, I held my hand out for the phone.

"Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you."

"Put him on."

She placed the phone in my waiting hand, and I carefully pressed it to my ear, cautioning myself not to crush it in my distress.

"Is it possible?" I croaked.

"Edward, I - I..." He sighed, frustrated. "Listen, son. We talked about the potential outcomes of your honeymoon. I told you everything that I knew or guessed or thought was even hypothetically possible. This... It never occurred to me." He was silent for a moment and I wished I was there, able to see into his mind. I needed some kind of reassurance that he could fix it. Fix the mess I had made. Fix the danger I had placed Bella in once again.

His voice was a whisper when he spoke again. "But then, how could it have? Esme and Rosalie have wanted children ever since they joined our family. If it were possible, they would have found a way..." He trailed off, obviously thinking hard. Or perhaps he was simply as stunned and appalled as I was.

"I assume you consummated your marriage on your wedding night." He took my silence as an assent. "And obviously Bella was not harmed, despite your fears. If I did not believe that would be the case, you know that I would have said so. I was more worried that your... essence... would change her. It seems there is more to vampire physiology than we knew. If your genetic material was transferred to her and combined with one of her ova... then yes. I would say Bella is pregnant. That _is_ essentially how young are created. But though we were once humans, we are no longer.

"So the question is... what is it? If she has already felt it move, then it cannot be wholly human. Considering one parent is a vampire, that would make sense. How many times have I heard you say that vampires don't change? But if it is growing, then it is changing. And the rate of its growth... Edward, you know very well that a two week old fetus should not be large enough to be felt moving. If it keeps up with this rate of growth, developing within two weeks what should have taken three or four months, then - if Bella were to carry to term - the child could be born very soon. And that is assuming the conception occurred on the night of your wedding. If it occurred sometime after that, then the rate of growth is even greater still. Without knowing exactly how old it is, there is no way of estimating an expected delivery date. It could be weeks, or days."

"And Bella?" I reached for her and was grateful to feel her warmth as she leaned against my side.

"A woman's body is a miracle, my son. Able to expand and change, to create a new life within herself, and then to return more or less to normal afterwards. But the length of time a normal human's pregnancy takes is not just for the benefit of the developing fetus; it gives the mother's body the chance to make those changes in a way that does her no harm. To carry to term and deliver within a month or less? Edward, I am sorry. I do not believe she would survive it."

I couldn't respond with anything other than stunned silence. No. This wasn't happening! I couldn't lose her now!

Correctly interpreting my silence again, he tried to reassure me. "She will be fine, son. You just need to get her home _now_. We will remove it, and then you can change her as planned. Do not _worry._ But... you should hurry."

"Yes," I agreed woodenly. "Yes, I will."

As soon as I ended the call, I began dialing again.

"What did Carlisle say?"

I couldn't even look at her, not when her face was still wet from her tears, with my carelessness to blame. It didn't matter that Carlisle hadn't considered the possibility; _I_ should have! "He thinks you're pregnant."

Bella's heart stumbled and began to race. "Who are you calling now?"

"The airport. We're going home."

* * *

 **A/N**

And so begins the pregnancy angst. Aw, goodbye happy Edward! We'll miss you!

Well, he'll be back.

Consider this fair warning: You're not going to like our boy for a while. I make no apologies, but this part will be long, and I can't promise that everyone will be on their best behavior. Edward didn't become "the burning man" overnight, and you know Jacob only saw the barest hint of what went on during the time he was there. However, I hope that the rewards will be well worth the wait, because then we get optimistic Edward! AND Daddy Edward!


	19. Morte

**19\. Morte**

"No, damn it! Next week is _not_ acceptable! I need a flight today." After the human woman on the other end of the line made yet another excuse, I growled through my teeth, "They can't _all_ be booked solid."

"I do have a three-fifteen leaving from here to Mexico City tomorr-"

"Tomorrow _isn't_ good enough!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but that's the only - "

"Have you checked all the connecting flights? Other airlines? Transatlantic? Something with a few hours lay over?"

How was it so difficult to understand? What I was asking for was hardly complicated. I needed to travel from Rio to Seattle as fast as possible. Changing planes and layovers were to be _expected_ with that distance.

"What do you mean, 'you can't'?"

"This is a busy time of year for travel and we're overbooked already. Company policy states that I'm not supposed to book for an alternate airline unless you pay in full, in advance, and - "

"Look! I don't care about any of that. I'll buy every seat on the damned plane if necessary."

Humans were so frustrating sometimes! It was all I could do not to scream at the woman who seemed to be deliberately making things as complicated as possible. No one could actually be so obtuse; it must have been deliberate.

"No, no, _no_. I _told_ you already. Two! Two adults, n-no children."

I didn't care what it took; the next time we stayed here, Rosalie and Jasper were going to set it up so that we had internet access. This wouldn't even be a problem at all if I could have just booked the tickets for myself! It had taken me all of fifteen minutes to set up the flight down here. I'd already spent nearly an hour on the phone - precious time in which my Bella's fragile condition was surely growing steadily worse - and _still_ I had no tickets to show for my efforts.

"Yes, we have our passports! Have you heard a word I've said?"

The woman stammered an apology, thinly disguised as justification for her obstinacy.

Trying to rein in my fury, I did my best to sound reasonable. "No, no. Don't apologize. Just get me and my wife on a plane _today."_

As I fought with the irritating human, I packed our clothes. Bella pressed herself against a wall, watching me with an anxious expression on her face, but she stayed out of the way while I zipped around the bedroom, snagging the clothes we had tossed about. Glancing at her, I realized she couldn't exactly board a plane dressed only in the frilly lingerie she'd worn to bed that night. I found clean clothes for her to wear and tossed them onto the bed before continuing to pack.

"...and there would be a changeover in Atlanta, Georgia, but that's the only stop. Will that work?"

Exasperated, but relieved that she'd found something, I sighed, _"Yes."_

"It's gonna be close, though. You'd have um... maybe half an hour to get to the next terminal."

"No, that's fine. We'll make it."

"So that's like, sixteen hours in travel time, if your flight's not delayed."

"That's perfect; better than I'd expected, actually. We'll make it work. Now," I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my temper in check. "I need you to arrange transportation for us from the Westside Docks to the airport."

"We don't have a shuttle service that goes to the docks. Those only go between the hotels and the airports. I'm sure you can understand that most of our guests - "

I scrubbed at my face. Had there ever been a _less_ helpful human? _"I don't care!_ Call a taxi, a limo, or a God damn horse-drawn carriage if need be. Whatever works. Just find me something!"

Finally everything was arranged and the trunks were packed. Except for some chunks I'd removed from the headboard, a few missing pillows, and the addition of some holes in the wall, the bedroom looked just as it had when we'd arrived. I looked around for Bella, but after dropping off her lingerie for me to pack, she had left the room and hadn't returned. I hadn't heard her getting sick again. The few glimpses I'd allowed myself of her face had told me she was upset. Of course, that was to be expected. She'd _told_ me that she didn't want children, and now I'd gotten her pregnant with one that would kill her. She'd said she wanted to remain human, but now, depending on what Carlisle was able to do for her, that might not be possible.

I followed the sound of her heart into the kitchen, where she stood with her back to me and her hands pressed to her stomach. "Bella?"

She turned to face me, and I saw there were tears still streaming down her face.

"Bella!" I was at her side in an instant, gently pressing my palms against her cheeks. Her eyes were wide with worry and fear when they met mine. "Are you in pain?"

"No, no - "

Relieved that at least she wasn't hurting, I pulled her against me. Her warmth was soothing and calming after the hour I'd just spent arguing. I only hoped she could be as soothed by my touch as I was by hers, though I didn't see how that was possible when I was the one who had done this to her. "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this, and you'll be fine, you'll be fine."

"Take care of this? What do you mean?"

Surely she understood? I looked into her eyes and saw the confusion in them. Didn't she know I'd never let anything harm her? "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I _won't_ let it hurt you."

 _...didn't ask you to make them something, Kaure._

 _...can't bring someone food without needing to be asked?_

 _...all he said was eggs._

 _...and we got those, too._

 _...risk ruining everything, Kaure!_

 _...you the one who said we couldn't let our fear control us?_

 _...yes, but -_

 _...have to see. Can't stand the thought of that little girl killed to feed that monster!_

 _...and if he hurts you?_

 _...risk I'm willing to take._

"Dammit! I forgot Gustavo was due today. I'll get rid of him and be right back." I strode toward the front door in a fury. I didn't have time for this! I needed to get our trunks and my Bella onto our boat and I couldn't exactly do that with them watching. Before they could even knock, I threw the door open, scowling at their surprised expressions.

"Now is not a good time," I snapped. "Come back tomorrow." I started to close the door, but Kaure put her hand on it. Staring at her in shock, I held back the growl that wanted to rip from me. How dare she?!

"Wait, please. I - I have brought you a gift. You just got married..."

Trying to be polite, I swallowed my anger. "Thank you, Kaure, but that's really not necessary. Now, if you'll excuse me - "

"Your young wife... Has she been to Brazil before?"

Pressing my lips together, I shook my head.

"She might like - that is - I've prepared a traditional dish for you both. It's served at our wedding celebrations."

"That's very kind of you," I said through my teeth, "but Bella isn't feeling well at the moment."

"A-a-all the more reason to give it to you, then," she whispered. Her eyes showed her terror as I glared at her, furious. Hadn't I said no already? Her entire body seemed to be trembling as she inched a step forward. "She would surely be grateful to have a meal ready for when she is... feeling better."

Deciding it would take less time to allow her into the house and send her on her way than it would to stand there and continue to argue with her, I grunted and stopped blocking the doorway.

She edged by me, mentally pleading with me not to kill her once her back was turned. Glaring at Gustavo, I shut the door in his face, not wanting yet another human in the house to delay our departure.

Making sure not to touch the woman, I passed her in the hall and returned to where Bella still stood with tears and an expression of dread on her face. Pressing my lips against Bella's ear, despite the fact that I knew Kaure wouldn't be able to understand me, I whispered, "She's insisting on leaving the food she brought - she made us dinner. It's an excuse - she wants to make sure I haven't killed you, yet."

The words were bitter in my mouth. I had always known I would kill her. It was our destiny: hers to die, mine to kill. Every time I thought I had fought it off, God or Fate stepped in and pushed another potentially fatal obstacle into Bella's path.

The human woman crept into the kitchen and took a long look at the girl in my arms.

 _...still alive! He wasn't lying... girl looks unwell..._

"I hope your wife feels better soon," she muttered, placing the foul-smelling dish on the kitchen counter.

"Thank you for your concern. Now _leave!"_

Kaure turned away at the same moment as Bella blanched and a familiar grimace crossed her face. I gathered her hair again as she leaned over the sink, coughing up what little food lay on her stomach. I rubbed my hands over her sweating face, hating the look of pain there.

"Bella, Bella, I'm so sorry," I murmured. "It'll be over soon, I promise. You'll feel better soon." I hated feeling useless, watching Bella get sick from the thing I had planted within her.

Though I found all human food to smell unpleasant, the strong odor of the food Kaure had brought was surely not helping Bella's stomach. I moved faster than a human would have been capable of doing and shoved the dish in the refrigerator, not caring that Kaure was there to see. I was grateful just to have some way to try to help Bella. Once the food was gone, her stomach seemed to calm, and I wiped the sweat from her face while she rinsed her mouth.

When she straightened, I pulled her into my arms. Bella leaned against me, resting her head against my shoulder, but rather than wrap her arms around me, she pressed her hands against her stomach. I guessed it still felt upset to her and brushed my hand down the back of her head, stroking her long, silky hair.

Kaure made a garbled noise as she stretched out her hand toward us. The woman was staring at Bella's hands with an image in her mind of Bella and I locked in a lovers' embrace. Abruptly, the woman's thoughts were no longer tentative or frightened, but full of fury. She imagined me in a pyre while she and her husband sped Bella away from the island in their boat.

Gasping, I thrust Bella behind me. There was no way I was going to allow this insignificant human to take her from me!

"What have you done?" Kaure screeched. "Is it not enough that you prey on the innocent, that you have dragged my family into your evil doings for decades, but now you have doomed this _child_ with your foul, demonic lusts?"

Recognizing the change in her words from the Portuguese she'd been using to one of the native languages of the Brazilian tribes, I tried to deny her accusation. "No! I meant her no harm. I told you: she's my wife. I love her."

She blinked, surprised that I'd spoken in her tongue. After a moment's hesitation, she narrowed her eyes at me and asked, "Your wife? You meant it truly when you called her that before? You intended to keep her?"

Slowly, I nodded at the image of a Bella who was as pale and hard as the rest of my family.

A look of horror crossed her face and she made the sign of the cross over her chest as she stepped away from me.

I reached for her, intending to grasp her arm in supplication, but seeing me doing so only frightened her further. Instead of touching the woman, incapable of speech, I laid a hand on Bella's tear-stained cheek.

"Stupid boy!" Kaure spat. "What did you think was going to happen? Surely you know how babies are made."

"Of course," I whispered. "But I shouldn't have been capable."

She stared at me, not answering, but clearly not believing my ignorance.

"Please," I begged. "I love her. _Help_ me. Help her! You aren't surprised - you must have known this was possible. Please, tell me what you know!"

Her eyes darted between us, noting Bella's definite lack of fear. Timidly, she took a step toward Bella and made a shape with her hands, pantomiming her own stomach swelling with child.

Bella jumped, apparently recognizing that Kaure had known of the possibility even though we hadn't.

The tiny human woman took a few steps toward us, studying me intently. In her mind was a memory of her tribe gathered around a fire as the elders told stories and legends which the younger members only half-believed. After seeing my family's unchanging state over the decades we'd known them, Kaure had come to believe every legend her people had ever told. Until I had brought Bella to the island, she hadn't been exactly sure of what to label us though, as we had fit none of them.

Shrewdly, she began to question me. "Where is your hat?"

"Pardon me?"

"Boto wear hats. I have never seen you in one."

Astonished, I saw her picture me wearing a hat to cover a hole in the top of my head. The image morphed into one of a river dolphin carrying Bella through the water. Almost amused, I shook my head. "I am no shape-shifter."

"You are no human!" she accused.

"No," I admitted. It would have been pointless to lie.

"Libishomen are well known for killing young women too."

Glad that I was able to answer her truthfully - aside from Maria and Victoria, who didn't really count - I shook my head again. "I have never killed a woman, of any age."

"And this girl here?"

"I'll save her," I insisted.

She gestured angrily toward Bella. "Her? Or the child?"

 _"Her."_

Kaure's eyes widened. "And what of the child she carries?"

"What of it?"

"Do you not want it?"

 _"Want_ it?" I repeated in shock.

A look of surprise crossed her face. "You do not want your own young? Is that not why you took a wife?"

I hesitated, picturing again an image of a miniature Bella on our beach. How I would have loved to give her a child! "And if I did? What would become of her?"

Slowly, the woman shook her head.

Stubbornly, I said, "Then I'll remove it. Nothing else matters to me; only her. Bella will be _fine."_

 _...what he chooses to call himself matters not. His lies matter not. The end result is the same..._

"What end result? What do you mean?"

The woman paused, recognizing that I had answered words she had not spoken aloud. She already knew I wasn't human though, and this new demonstration didn't seem to surprise her all that much. Slowly, she edged toward my wife and laid a hand over where Bella's were still folded. She looked Bella in the eye and clearly spoke one word in Portuguese. "Death."

In her mind was an image of a woman who had been impregnated by a demon. I watched in horror as she envisioned the thing clawing its way free of the human who nourished it, only to see it die moments later in a fire that billowed with purple smoke.

As Kaure turned and trudged away from us, her voice seemed to hang in the room like a curse. It felt as if by speaking the word, she had made it inevitable. I wanted to go to her, to shake her and demand that she tell me something else. I wanted to throw myself at the tiny woman's feet and beg her to remember some other legend, one that _didn't_ end in Bella dying. I wanted to deny the truth that it had been Bella's fate all along.

Instead of chasing the woman, I stood immobile. Neither Bella nor I moved until the boat that had brought the humans took them out of the range where I could hear their thoughts. I might have remained unmoving until long after we had missed our flight if Bella hadn't started to walk away from me. I reached for her, barely daring to touch her shoulder.

"Where are you going?"

"To brush my teeth again."

"Don't worry about what she said," I insisted, stubbornly rejecting the woman's beliefs. "It's nothing but legends, old lies for the sake of entertainment."

"I didn't understand anything," she muttered to my relief.

Remembering that I had packed everything already, I said, "I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you."

"Are we leaving soon?" Bella asked as I strode down the hallway to where the luggage was waiting.

"As soon as you're done."

While she brushed her teeth, I was thinking furiously. My immobility from before transformed itself into restless movement, and I paced behind Bella, waiting for her to be done so that I could repack the items she'd needed.

The legends Kaure had envisioned had all ended in the girls' deaths, but there was more than one difference here. The monsters in the legends had _intended_ to kill their victims. I intended for Bella to live.

The other difference, the one that would mean Bella _would_ survive, was Carlisle. Carlisle would fix everything.

Those women Kaure had imagined or remembered had not had a vampire doctor to save them from their demon lover's spawn. Carlisle would take it out and we would destroy it. And while Bella was sedated, I could start her transformation process. If we kept her sedated, maybe she wouldn't even feel anything at all. I doubted she would want to remain human after it was gone. Her whole reason for changing her mind had been to make love to me. Well, _that_ was certainly no longer an option! Not while she was human.

No, Carlisle would fix my mistake, I would change Bella, and my human wife would be my newborn vampire mate within a week. Then all I would have to worry about was keeping her from killing or from regretting ever asking me to change her.

I spotted Bella watching me, her toothbrush and toothpaste held in one shapely hand. Wordlessly, I took them from her and tucked them into the bag. I knew she was still watching me, but I couldn't bear to meet her eyes.

"I'll get the bags into the boat."

"Edward - "

My name on her lips was the sweetest sound I'd heard all day, and I turned to her, meeting her eyes at last. "Yes?"

"Could you... pack some of the food? You know, in case I get hungry again?"

She looked so scared! I felt bad for being so self-absorbed. I'd been thinking of my own fears and how the thing would affect her physically, and had not comforted her as I should have been doing. "Of course. Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. This will all be over soon."

She merely nodded.

I grabbed the trunks and headed for the kitchen, shoving the pretzels she'd been eating earlier that morning into one, along with some of her favorite pastries and granola bars. I filled a bottle with ice water, shoving it, too, into the trunks before I sped toward the boats to secure the luggage. When I got back to the house, I darted from room to room, switching the lights off. Bella was waiting for me in the kitchen with my phone in her hands, her eyes wide and frightened. She held the phone out to me, and I tucked it into a pocket before scooping her into my arms. Before she had taken half a dozen breaths, I was stepping into the boat.

Although I wanted to get us to the airport quickly, we had time, and it wasn't necessary for me to push the boat too fast. The sea wasn't smooth, and I didn't want to jostle her, but despite my careful piloting, the boat lurched over the waves and Bella got sick again on the way. Enormously pleased to see a limo waiting at the end of the docks, I helped her into the backseat and pretended to grunt under the weight of the luggage as I lifted them into the trunk of the vehicle.

The woman at the ticket counter was far more helpful than the travel agent had been. Perhaps it was due to the fact that once I caught her eyes with mine, she couldn't look away until I had made her agree to switch us to the seats closest to the lavatories. It was a ten hour flight, and I couldn't expect Bella not to get sick again. I wondered if she would think it was still unfair of me to use my vampire charms in such a way. She kept her hand pressed against her stomach, nibbling on a granola while we waited for take-off.

I wanted to pull her onto my lap as I had done on our flight to Rio, but she stayed curled up in her seat with an anxious crease between her brows. Her heart kept stumbling, but she seemed to accept my reassurances without question. Perhaps that should have been my first clue. Despite her usual curiosity, Bella was not pestering me for information on what I may have heard - which, until I'd spoken with Kaure was nothing. She didn't wonder where we would land, or how long our layover would be. She didn't ask about Carlisle, or what would happen when we arrived. And she didn't meet my eyes, no matter how many times I tried to catch hers.

The airport in Atlanta was a large hub, and our connecting flight was on the other side of the terminal from where our first plane landed. Even healthy, I doubted that Bella would be capable of running such a distance fast enough to keep up with me - no matter how slow I kept my pace - and arranged for a wheelchair to be made ready so that I could push her through the crowds. When Bella caught the gist of my conversation with the stewardess about it, she shook her head and let out a sharp huff.

"I can walk, you know. I'm pregnant; not an invalid."

Even now, she didn't want to be taken care of. I laughed and said, "Of course you can walk, but can you run?"

She opened her mouth, and I was sure she was going to assure me that, yes, she _could_ run.

Shaking my head, I insisted, "Fast enough to keep up with me?"

"You don't fight fair."

"I have never claimed to." Trying to lighten the mood and relieve her fears, I teased, "If you'd prefer, I could carry you instead. Though we might attract more attention that way."

Her mouth closed and twisted into an unhappy line.

"Love, you're not well. Please, let me take care of you. In sickness and in health, remember?" I held her eyes, pleading with mine that she not be difficult.

She relented with a sigh. "How are you still able to do that?"

I grinned, pleased that I could always affect her.

"You know, things will be different when I'm - I mean, after." She lowered her voice, apparently remembering that we could be overheard.

Sadly, I nodded. "I know."

Having to jog through the Atlanta terminal at a human speed had been agonizing, but we made the connecting flight with a few minutes to spare. Once we were airborne, Bella got sick yet again, and I caught the anxious thoughts of our fellow travelers. I motioned the stewardess over to where I stood outside of the bathroom door.

"Is your girlfriend alright?"

The sound of Bella's retching was clear enough even for the human woman to pick up, and I saw her grimace and swallow hard. Although annoyed at her assumption, I placed a sheepish, but worried smile on my face. Acting human was something I had a lot of practice with, and this human could help me if I played my part right. I locked my eyes onto the woman's and saw blood swirl up to stain her cheeks.

"My _wife_ will be fine. She's just in a... _delicate_ condition. You understand?"

 _"Oh._ I see. Congratulations." The woman giggled and had the nerve to start picturing herself with me. _...awful young to be a father... maybe this'll make him run? ...be his rebound..._

It took all of my concentration not to growl at her. I needed the woman's help, and seeing myself as the object of a sexual fantasy was nothing new. Replacing my fake smile with a look of real worry, I shook my head. "It isn't going well. There is a complication that requires a specialist whom we are meeting in Seattle."

"I'm so sorry." She took a step closer to me, actually reaching out to lay a hand on my arm.

Before she could touch me, I moved back, narrowed my eyes, and leaned against the locked door with my arms crossed.

She paused, recognizing my anger, and decided that it was probably for the best that I was not interested in her, despite the fact that I would not release her eyes. "Is there any way I can help?"

I nodded gratefully. "If you could see to it that we are the first off the plane, that would be an enormous help. Besides, judging by the looks on the other passengers' faces, I don't think they'd appreciate being thrown-up on."

"No, I wouldn't think so. I'll see what I can do."

At that moment, I heard Bella disengage the lock and stood upright again so that she could open the door. I helped her back to our seats, but she seemed not to want me to touch her, shifting her arm out of my loose grip before reaching for the back of her seat. I'd been around ill humans before, and knew that feeling bad often led to feeling grumpy. Aside from the long plane ride, she must have been tired of getting sick. She looked miserable, but didn't seem to want me to comfort her. I guessed she was angry with me. I was the one who had gotten her pregnant, so I was rightly to blame for her current discomfort.

I hoped that she would perk back up once we were home. Carlisle could give her something to settle her stomach. I was sure that would help. And knowing that he was actively working on removing the source of her misery should help her to feel better too. I just wished she would let me hold her; that would have made _me_ feel better.

As soon as we got close enough to see the Seattle airport's landing strip lights from the windows, I cast my mind toward the ground, seeking the reassuring thoughts which I knew would be waiting for me. After a nearly a century as companions, Carlisle was easy to find among the hundreds of others that surrounded him in and around the airport. Through his eyes, I could see the rest of my family as they stood around the gate, waiting outside of the security checkpoint for use to arrive. Everyone had unhappy looks on their faces.

Even Rosalie was chewing her lip and frowning, and I felt a swelling of love for my sister. To have wanted a child for so long, but be unable to have one had been hard for her. Now Bella was pregnant with a child she could not have. Well, if Bella ever did express any regret that a life with me had ended that possibility, I was sure Rose would be able to comfort her - if she could get over her inevitable, self-righteous I-told-you-so.

Alice was concentrating, but on what, I couldn't be sure. Perhaps she was trying _not_ to see? She certainly wasn't watching me and Bella. Her mind reminded me of when she was trying to see Victoria's plans. Since the vindictive vampire had not _had_ any plans, there had been nothing concrete for my psychic sister to see, other than vague flashes. Her visions now seemed similarly absent and vague. A flash of a store. Blurry moments of my family's anxious faces. I waited, expecting the image I'd seen so often of Bella as a newborn. Now that that future was days away, surely she would be able to see more than the still-shot I had grown used to.

But there was nothing. How odd.

Carlisle's focused thoughts were reviewing his medical knowledge. Though my father had assisted with a birth or two in the days before modern medicine, obstetrics was not an area of practice with which he had often dealt. Besides, the thing I had planted in Bella would not be allowed to remain there long enough to be born. As a doctor in the emergency rooms, he had more often been a part of treating patients who were undergoing miscarriages. He was thinking that removing the thing that threatened my wife would be more like removing the remains of those failed pregnancies.

 _...or would it? ...have no way of knowing how firmly it is attached until I can examine her... Human miscarriages and abortions may not parallel removing a vampire fetus... always some exchange of blood between mother and baby... how is she still even human? May have to perform a hysterectomy to get it all..._ His eyes darted to the board displaying expected arrival times, then back to Esme's face.

 _...not that it would bother Bella as she claims that she never wanted children. Once she is changed, the option would no longer exist regardless, so it would matter not. Wish I knew exactly when it was conceived. ...give me a better idea of what to expect. Wish I could observe the growth for a day or two! Determining the rate of growth for a vampire-human child could tell me so much! Wish they would land already._

 _How much of it is vampire? A normal abortion requires a certain amount of cutting. Will I even be able to cut it? Will the skin be impervious like ours? Will it only be capable of destruction with fire? If that's the case, a complete hysterectomy is the most likely way to get rid of the thing._

 _Wonder if I should have obtained more supplies. If nothing else, I can always have - no, Edward will not likely wish to leave her - the others, then. I can have Jasper or Emmett retrieve what I'm missing, if anything._

I saw him flashing through his inventory of supplies: scalpels; scissors; clamps; specula; retractors; needles for sewing and for injections; IV lines, pumps, and tubing; a pharmacy of sedatives, painkillers, various chemicals the human body required for survival, bags of glucose, and pre-filled syringes of whatever medicines Carlisle had thought potentially necessary; sterile cloths, drapes, and gauze; bottles of iodine; and - I was shocked to see - a refrigerator full of units of blood.

There was human blood.

In my house.

 _Lots_ of it.

I swallowed a flood of venom and fought off the shiver of desire I felt at seeing it. If she was undergoing what would be a dangerous surgery, then she might lose a lot of blood. I grimaced at the memory of the last time she'd had a transfusion. The foreign blood had tainted her smell for days. That didn't matter. Saving Bella was what was important, and if the blood being stored in the refrigerator could do it, then I would put up with the smell of the foreign blood. It wouldn't matter for long. I would be changing her as soon as the thing was removed. We only needed to make sure any blood lost was replaced so that her heart kept beating. She had to live in order for the change to occur. Biting a corpse would do nothing.

Or maybe it would. My mind was abruptly filled with a horrible image. Bella - reanimated - but not as a vampire, or any sentient creature. I saw her body stumbling about with none of that which made her _her_ existing any longer. My Bella, turned into a zombie, instead of a vampire. Well, and why not? Vampires existed, as did werewolves and shape-shifters. Who was to say that all of the myths and legends weren't based on some kind of fact?

 _No!_ That would mean Kaure's legends had merit, and I could not abide that possibility. No, Carlisle would keep Bella alive, remove the thing that threatened her, and I would change her while she was sedated. When she woke, she would be the Bella I had fallen in love with, the Bella who loved me, my mate, my wife, my love, my life, my Bella.

Thrusting my runaway imagination away from the path it kept trying to follow, I concentrated on my father's mind again. I saw Carlisle picturing himself wheeling a portable X-ray machine out of the hospital. Although it wasn't good medical practice to X-ray a developing fetus, this one wouldn't survive, so there was no conflict.

From his thoughts, Carlisle seemed to have brought half the hospital into our house in preparation for Bella's arrival. I wondered if he had done so with the hospital's knowledge. He'd already taken so much that spring for Jacob's recovery. If he had stolen what he needed, I wondered if he had done so from his own hospital or if he had spread the thefts out among several in the area.

Seeing him go over his supplies and the procedures he might need to perform was calming to my tightly wound nerves. I would be better calmed by Bella's love, though, and I watched her for several minutes. Her eyes were closed and her knees pulled up to her chin. She was grimacing, and I thought she might be fighting the urge to get sick again.

"Bella?"

She didn't respond to me.

"Love? Are you feeling alright?"

Her frown deepened. Carefully, barely touching her skin, I placed a hand on her arm where it was clasped around her legs. As if my touch triggered it, she launched herself from the seat and back into the lavatory once more. The passenger seated across the aisle from us glanced in the direction of the lavatory, and grimaced in disgust at the sounds she was making.

 _...going to complain to the airlines! Shouldn't allow sick people on the plane. What if it's contagious?! Oh, God, I'm feeling nauseous now... That boy she's with looks awful sick too..._

He glanced my way, saw me scowling at him, paled, and broke into a sweat.

 _...oh, I'm gonna be sick, too... can I get the stewardess to move me away from them when there's no empty seats?!_

Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I realized he was mistaking the tremors and queasy sensation in his bowels which his instinctive fear of me generated with an actual illness.

"She's not sick," I hissed. "My wife is pregnant."

"What?" he muttered defensively. "I didn't say anything." _...oh thank God, oh, thankGodthankGodthankGod..._ not _gonna die from some horrid disease... swear the kid looks like he might kill me though..._

I continued to glare at him until he averted his eyes, almost enjoying the stench of fear that was pouring off of him.

"Edward?" Bella whispered from behind the locked door.

In one swift motion, I left my seat. "I'm here."

"Could you get me my toothbrush?"

Grateful to have something useful to do, I grabbed our carry-on bag and found the travel-sized brush and paste in the pocket where she'd stashed it after her last use. The stewardess was eyeing me as I listened to Bella cleaning her mouth.

 _...beginning our descent soon... can't be in the aisles... or the bathroom... get sick again on the way down? I do_ not _want to have to deal with that! Maybe she should just stay in there..._

Trying to ignore the unpleasant thoughts of the humans around me, I waited while Bella rinsed her mouth until the sign on the door's lock changed from the red that indicated it was occupied to green and available.

She was pale again when she exited the closet-sized room, and her mouth was firmed into a line. I must not have been able to keep the worry from my face, because she insisted, "I'm fine."

The anger in her voice was surely directed at me. Trying to reassure her that she would be safe soon, I murmured, "We're going to be landing very soon."

She jerked her chin in a stiff nod and brushed past me back to her seat just as the light that indicated we needed to buckle our seat-belts came on. Bella's heart seemed to race the closer we got to the ground, and I smelled fear in her normal sweet scent as we taxied to a stop. True to her word, the stewardess motioned us off the plane ahead of everyone else. I caught a mixture of thoughts from the other passengers. Some of them were annoyed at being made to wait - it was quite ridiculous; I was ushering Bella into the tunnel that connected the plane to the airport before more than a minute had passed - but most were relieved to have me and Bella away from them.

Finally making it through the checkpoints, I couldn't believe the relief I felt at seeing my family waiting for us. I remembered the last time Bella and I had gotten off of a plane in Seattle to find my family waiting for us. Just returned from Italy, from seven months of misery that had nearly ended in both mine and Bella's deaths, I had been scared that Bella no longer wanted me. That plane ride, we had held each other, both convinced that the other had moved on. This flight, Bella and I were married, and she was pregnant with my demon child, yet we had barely touched. Why was our relationship always so backward? I shook my head, amazed at the difference such a few months could make.

As I met Carlisle's eyes, I felt a smile tugging at my lips. My father was here; he would fix everything.


	20. Defection

**20\. Defection**

It didn't matter that I was a hundred year old vampire; in that moment, I felt like a scared kid whose dad had just come to save him from the trouble he was in. I opened my mouth to greet Carlisle with relief, but Bella's voice stopped me from speaking.

"Rosalie!"

I stared at her in shock as she ran straight into my sister's arms and started to cry. "What - ?"

 _...believe you want Bella to abort her baby! What were you thinking, Edward?_

I spoke slowly. "What the Hell is that supposed to mean, Rosalie?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" she hissed.

Bella turned in my sister's arms to meet my gaze at last. Her eyes were full of tears and seemed to be pleading with me.

Rosalie's hands rubbed small circles over Bella's back. "You wanted Bella to have a future with a family. Now that you've actually given her exactly that, how can you want to destroy it?"

The words I forced through my throat sounded strangled. "That _thing_ is going to kill her!"

"Thing? It's a baby!" _...and I'm not going to let you kill it._

We were attracting attention already, so I kept my voice low, but didn't bother to keep the snarl from my words. "You're joking. Please tell me you're joking, Rosalie. Tell me you are not seriously calling the creature I put inside of her a _baby!"_

Rose's steady eyes held mine, and she spoke as though her words were obvious and should have been unnecessary. "Of course I'm calling it a baby. That's what it _is."_

My teeth bared as I started to close the distance between us. My forward motion was stopped when Emmett's hand gripped my shoulder, and he chuckled nervously as he jostled me. "Hey, Edward. Ease up, bro."

I shook him off, but stayed where I was.

"Is there a problem here, miss?" A human security guard strode over to Rosalie's side and eyed me warily when he heard the low growl that was escaping me.

 _Edward, not here._ Carlisle laid a hand on my arm. As he and Emmett tugged me away from Rose and Bella, my sister turned her charms onto the human man.

"No, thank you for your concern. My brother was just excited to see me."

 _Excited huh? Not the word I'd use to describe the expression on his face, but whatever. You can lead a horse to water..._ He shook his head as Rose looked away from him back to the girl who was still crying silently in her arms. "Well, if there's anything we can help you with, just say so."

My eyes were fixed on Bella's tear streaked face. "Bella?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry?" I repeated, confused.

I was vaguely aware that Jasper was spreading a sense of apathy among the humans who were already giving our family a wide berth, that Alice stood immobile, searching the strangely blank future, and that Esme was wringing her hands, her eyes darting back and forth among the lot of us.

With Emmett's help, Carlisle tugged me farther from where Rose and Bella stood. That they were able to do so at all was only because I was completely stunned and incapable of taking any actions on my own. As they dragged me backwards away from the two young women - one blond and pale, the other dark and creamy - I wasn't even aware of my legs moving. I was aware, however, that my immobility wouldn't last, and it would probably end better for everyone involved if we left the airport before I could say or do anything to make an already tense situation worse.

Apparently coming to the same conclusion, Rose turned abruptly and led Bella away. That wasn't right; Bella was being taken from me! I tried to follow them, but found myself restrained. I looked curiously at the arms that wound around my torso. They were the size of tree-trunks, the muscles in them bulging as they strained against me.

"Lemmego, Emmett," I mumbled in a daze.

"I don't think so, little brother. You look like a stiff breeze could blow you over."

"Emmett, we need to leave. Edward? Edward, you need to go with Emmett."

"Carlisle... Wh - What just happened? I don't understand."

"We will figure it all out, son, I promise. For now, we need to get home."

My eyes were fixed on the place where Rose had disappeared into the crowd with an arm around Bella's shoulders. Some part of me heard Carlisle and Esme discussing something about luggage and cars while Emmett began steering me in the direction our wives had gone.

Finding my own feet again, I began to walk faster, no longer needing Emmett to propel me forward. Now, he was holding be back from sprinting in a blurry streak through the crowded airport so that I could catch up with them.

"Let _go,_ Emmett," I snarled.

"Nu-uh. We're walking too fast as it is. Didn't you hear Carlisle? Save it for when we get home."

"She's getting away!"

"Where do you think she's going, wakko? Rose is just taking her home. Come on; the car's over this way."

Carlisle had parked his car a few spaces down from mine, and I let my brother drag me through the parking garage toward the waiting vehicles. When I saw that he was aiming for Carlisle's Mercedes, I mumbled, "The Aston Martin..." Though I didn't exactly care about the _Vanquish_ at that point, it would have been faster.

"Don't worry about it. One of us will get it home."

Carlisle caught up with us as we neared his car. "Emmett, you, Esme, Jasper, and Alice can take the Mercedes. Edward and I will take the Aston Martin. No, _I_ am driving," Carlisle said firmly when I moved toward the driver's side door.

Yanking my arm free of Emmett's hold, I slid into the passenger seat and glared at my father in silence until we were past Olympia and turning onto the 101. He'd concentrated on navigating through the city streets with as much speed as he could and still avoid any police or collisions, but once we were out of the city traffic he turned off the lights and pushed my car to its upper speed limit before finally glancing my way.

 _Alright, what happened?_

Confused and frustrated, I yelled, "I don't bloody well know what happened, do I? One minute, Bella and I were getting off the plane, and I _thought_ you were planning on getting that thing out of her, and the next - "

"No, Edward, I mean the pregnancy. Tell me her symptoms, when they started, anything unusual that you noticed, no matter how trivial."

"What difference is that going to make?"

"I will not know until I can examine her."

I snarled at him, hating his calm composure.

"Edward, you need to calm down. If you want me to help Bella, then you need to tell me what you know."

I swallowed hard several times and attempted to do as he asked. When I was able to speak, my voice was a high whisper. "She started getting sick this morning."

"Has she been able to keep anything down since then?"

I shook my head.

"Not even water?"

I nodded slowly. "For a little while, after the first time. But not since."

"She mentioned a change in her eating habits and her dreams?"

"Well, yes, but... That changed the first night. I mean... She slept so long after... But I thought it was just from the long day, the wedding and reception and... and that night. And after that... Well, people sleep a lot on vacations, don't they? And... and then she ate enough for two humans at every meal I fixed, but... We were hiking or swimming all day. She needed her nourishment."

"From the very start?"

"Yes."

 _...seventeen days old and feeling movement already? That would put its growth at about a week's worth each day. It is no wonder she is sleeping so much if her body is working that hard. I wonder how soon until she starts showing?_

"She already is."

"Already is what?"

"Showing."

"Really? Why did you not call me?"

"I never got the chance. As soon as we saw it, Alice called."

"Hmm."

"What did she see?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, please, Carlisle. Why else did she call? You can't tell me she didn't see this!"

"Alice told me that she saw nothing, Edward. I do not mean she did not see anything; I mean, she _saw nothing._ First she told me that you and Bella disappeared. Then the future of our family went missing."

I repeated the word in a dull voice. "Missing."

"What did you see in her mind at the airport?"

"I - She - There was nothing."

"That is because there was nothing to see."

"What the Hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" I growled through my teeth.

"I do not know, Edward. It could mean any number of things. Right now, it seems that Bella is wanting to keep the fetus. Her wishes combined with your very opposite ones could have shifted the future into so many possibilities that - "

"No, no. No, even when there are many futures available, she sees the various possibilities."

"Then I cannot explain it. But that is not what is important right now." He glanced at me, and I saw my wide, terrified eyes in his mind. _Tell me the rest. There must be something else you noticed, some other detail that could help..._

I sat back in my seat and stared out of the window, absently running my hands though my hair over and over. "Bella talks in her sleep," I finally mumbled. "She's restless and moves all over her bed. When she has nightmares, she even yells. From the very first night on the island though, she slept like the dead. And much longer than normal. We even discussed the fact! She said she was having vivid, colorful nightmares. That unlike normal, when she knows that she's dreaming, the ones she'd had while we were there seemed real, and that made them scarier."

 _She was having nightmares the entire time?_

I shrugged and thought of the one she'd woken from the night we'd finally made love again. "Some were good. But they had seemed real to her, too."

 _What else?_

"Eggs."

"Pardon?"

"She ate more eggs over the past two weeks than in the entire time I've known her. And with every meal, too. I'd fix her pasta or fish or steak or what-have-you, and she'd eat it all, and still request a side of eggs. Fried, scrambled, over-easy, sunny-side-up, hard boiled, you name it. Sometimes I couldn't cook them fast enough for her, and she'd eat them practically raw." I tried unsuccessfully to hold back my shudder.

"Hmm."

"What does it mean?"

He frowned and shrugged. _I honestly do not know._

"Wonderful."

"I am confused about something, though. I was under the impression that Bella did not want children."

"So was I! I specifically asked her about it the night before the wedding! She's never indicated a desire to have one. Seemed appalled by the very idea, in fact."

 _Well, she_ is _young._

"That was my point to her."

"Bella is an intelligent young woman; surely she knows this is not the normal progression a pregnancy should take."

Despite everything, hearing Carlisle's frank approval of the girl I loved made me feel proud of her and grateful to have won her heart. "I have no doubt."

"Why would she make such a risky move? Do you think she believes she will be able to safely deliver?"

I sighed in frustration. "If you had any idea how often I've wished I knew what she was thinking..."

He chuckled softly. _It is the fate of men to be forever baffled by the women in their lives. Welcome to the club._

"Ha. Ha."

"Do not worry, Edward. We will be home in a minute, and we will all talk about Bella's condition." _I need you to do something for me, though._

"Name it."

 _Do not let your temper control you._

I scowled at him, but he stared sternly back at me.

"I mean it, Edward. Yelling at your sister is not going to help anything."

"I'll do my best," I growled.

Abruptly hitting the breaks and cranking the wheel, Carlisle turned onto the long driveway that led to our house. I was grateful that he'd made the trip so quickly. Every second I was away from Bella made my already heightened anxiety worse. When Carlisle parked my car, Rose's M3 was still cooling, the metal giving off small ticks as it shrank back into shape. From within the house, I could clearly hear Bella's heart beating, the soft murmur of my sister's voice, and the distinctive sound of Bella getting sick again.

Bolting into the house, I found the bathroom door blocked by my sister. Remembering Carlisle's warning to me, I kept my voice low, but I could hear the deadly menace in it that seemed somehow worse by the very lack of volume. "Get out of my way, Rose."

"No."

"So help me, Rosalie, if you don't get out of the way, I will make you move."

"Edward," Carlisle's quiet rebuke came from behind me, but I ignored him. I'd done as he'd asked and hadn't yelled, but he was insane if he thought there wasn't going to be some kind of confrontation.

Bella appeared behind my sister and peered around her at me.

"Bella. Love." She was so pale and her muscles were trembling. I wanted to pick her up before she fell, but she was hiding - _hiding from_ _ **me!**_ _-_ behind my sister. "You should sit; you're not well."

 _Stand aside, Edward._ Rose put her arm around the girl I loved. Feeling the confused expression on my face, I took a step back, and then another, and Rose guided Bella past me and into the living room where she sank down onto the couch as if exhausted. I followed them, but as soon as I entered the room, Rose placed herself between me and my wife.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" Unlike whenever I normally asked the question out of curiosity or fascination, the words were said in frustrated exasperation. At the same time, the rest of our family entered the living room, and I could see the four of us in their minds as they looked uncomfortably back and forth between us.

Rather than answer me, Bella looked beseechingly at my sister.

Tearing my eyes away from her face, I snapped at Rosalie, "Well?"

"Bella asked for my help."

"What? When? How? _Why?"_

As an answer, Rose remembered herself cuddling on the couch with Emmett. I heard the jumble of thoughts she'd been having as she debated between going to play with one of the cars in our garage or dragging Emmett away to play in their bedroom. Just as she turned so that I could see Emmett's grin in her mind, I heard the distinctive ring of her phone. She had let out an annoyed sigh before pulling it from her pocket to stare at my number in surprise.

 _"Hello?"_ she had answered warily.

 _"Rosalie? It's Bella. Please. You have to help me."_

Rose snorted with amusement and said, _"You've had over two weeks, Bella. I'd have thought by now he'd have at least figured out how it works."_

 _"No, Rosalie. You don't understand. I'm pregnant."_

I was aware of Rose's remembered shock.

 _"That's - Whose is it?"_

 _"Rose!"_ Bella had hissed. _"It's Edward's, of course."_

Slowly, my sister had mumbled, _"That's not possible."_

 _"I know. But it's true. And I'm scared. Rosalie, he wants... He wants Carlisle to... He thinks it has to be removed, like it's bad, but it's not! I know it's not._ Please, _Rose_. _You're the only one who can help me. Say you'll protect us until I can make him see."_

Without hesitating, my sister had responded, _"Don't worry, Bella. I'll keep you safe. I'll keep both of you safe."_

 _"Thanks."_

As she closed the phone, Carlisle had come into the living room with a blank-faced Alice in tow. _"Watch her, please, Rose. Jasper and I are going to the hospital. Emmett, I will need your help, too. There has been a development..."_

I stared at them blankly. None of this made any sense. Bella had called Rose? When?

Carlisle was right when he had said that Bella must know it was far too early for her to be showing, or for it to be felt _moving._ Surely she also knew that meant it was dangerous! Well, maybe not. She never saw me for the threat to her life that I was.

Bella folded her hands over her stomach as she had so often since discovering the presence of the bump between her hips. This time though, I saw the action for what it was. Not discomfort. Protection.

"Bella." I shook my head and swallowed hard. "Bella, whatever is it that you think will happen, you're wrong. It's not human! Carlisle has told you what happened to the immortal children. He told you what they were like. I can keep _you_ from killing, but _this?_ No. It's going to destroy the whole town, but it's going to kill you first!"

"No, Edward. You're wrong."

I went to take a step toward her, but Rosalie blocked me with a low growl.

"Move," I said through my teeth.

"Rose, it's okay."

Narrowing her eyes, Rose moved aside, but thought fiercely, _Just watch yourself._

I knelt by Bella's side and took her face in my hands, pleading with my eyes that she see reason. "Bella, listen to me. If I was a human man, I would love nothing more than to know that you carried my child. God help me, I've longed for it, even though I knew it was impossible!"

"And you were wrong about that, too." Her sweet voice was firm with her conviction.

"No, Bella, I'm not. That is not a child you carry! If I was a human, you'd barely know you were pregnant by now."

"I know."

"You wouldn't be _showing_ for Pete's sake."

"I _know."_

"And you certainly wouldn't be feeling it _move!"_

"Edward, I know all of that."

"Then explain to me how you can possibly believe that it's going to be any kind of normal?"

She debated for a moment, chewing on her lip. "I can't."

"Can't? Or won't?"

"I can't explain it. But I know I'm right." She caressed her protruding stomach while I stared at the bump in horror, aware that it was already slightly bigger than it had been that morning. "It's our baby, Edward; it's us. It's crazy and impossible and irrational, but it's also good and right. You'll see."

Good and right? How could something that was going to kill her be considered good? Would I ever understand her? I stood and backed away from her, shaking my head. "Alice!"

My sister was still locked in her own mind, searching vainly for a future she couldn't see.

I strode over to her and shook her lightly. "Alice! Wake up!"

"She won't," Jasper said in a dull voice. "We've tried. She's been like that all day."

I spun back to Bella and pointed at my unresponsive sister. "There! Do you see?"

"She always does that when she's seeing the future," Bella said, rolling her eyes.

"She's not seeing the future, Bella!"

"Huh?"

"There's nothing there."

Jasper sucked in a sharp breath. "What do you mean?" _Carlisle told me she said she saw nothing, but...?_

"She's not having a vision. The things Alice sees have been flashes, or still images, or complete scenarios that play like a movie, but there's always been some kind of a visual. _Always._ Her mind is there, I can feel it, but it's like she's searching for something that doesn't exist. There's nothing to see because there's nothing to be seen."

Bella frowned and looked away from me. "That doesn't prove anything."

Nearly growling at her in my state of fear induced fury, I said, "You don't have a future anymore, Bella. That proves plenty."

"No, she just can't see what it is. Her visions have changed before; you've told me so."

Low, so that Bella couldn't hear, I muttered, "Jasper, do something. _Make_ her see reason."

Esme gasped my name in shocked disapproval. At the same time, Rosalie shrieked, "Don't you dare!"

"What?" Confused, Bella glanced from me to Rosalie and back.

"He was trying to get Jasper to manipulate you into doing what he wants."

"No, I wasn't," I denied.

"Well, what _else_ would you call it?"

"I'd call it bringing her to her senses! What she's doing is utter madness!"

"Edward, that is not the right way to handle this, and you know it," Carlisle chided me.

"Then what _is_ the right way, Carlisle?" I snarled. "Should I just _let_ her bring a demon into the world?"

"Don't call him that!" Bella pleaded.

Ignoring her, I continued to address my father. "You know the Volturi won't abide this."

Slowly, Carlisle nodded before agreeing with me, "He is right, Bella. The Volturi will never allow an immortal child to live."

"And who's going to tell them? You?"

"That is not the point," Carlisle said. "Rosalie, you and Bella are putting the whole family at risk."

Rose scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Like their entire relationship hasn't done that."

"This is different. It is one thing for us to chose to risk our lives to save a member of this family. It is quite another to assist one or more of them in committing suicide." He looked at me significantly.

"Suicide." Bella huffed. "I don't want to die, Carlisle. But I won't let you take my baby, either!"

"Maybe this doesn't have to be an either/or situation," Esme said, laying a hand on Carlisle's arm. "Isn't there any way that we can help Bella to have her child safely?"

The alarm was pouring off Jasper as he stepped forward. "And what happens after? Have you given any thought to what a vampire child will need to eat?"

Bella smiled and stroked her stomach. "Sure. You all get on just fine with animals. So will he."

 _"He?"_ I choked.

"You've seen newborn vampires, Bella. Even as adults, they are ruled by their instincts. Drinking animals is a choice we have all made, but it's not exactly natural. What you are carrying will not be interested in deer. I guarantee you that."

Nodding, I gestured toward my brother. "Jasper's right, and you all know it."

Esme shook her head. "No, I do _not_ know it. But I do know that it's not right to kill children!"

"Humans end pregnancies all the time."

"As if that makes it right."

"It does when not doing so threatens the life of the mother!"

Carlisle turned to Esme and placed a hand on her cheek. "Dearest, it is in your nature to want to protect children, and that is a wonderful thing. But as a doctor, there are times when I have to help my patients to make the choice that does them the greatest good. Or, failing that, the least harm. Ending a pregnancy that is not viable is sometimes necessary. If Bella's pregnancy were ectopic, even if the fetus were fully human, it would have to be removed."

"That's not the same thing, Carlisle!" Rosalie shouted.

"Yes, it is!" I yelled back. "It's exactly the same. An ectopic pregnancy would kill Bella, and so will this."

"I think you are deliberately overlooking one simple fact, Edward."

"And what would that be?"

"Bella wants to be a vampire."

We all stared at her, stunned. My sister had always fought against Bella's plans. Of all my family, she had voted no when Bella had asked to join us on our return from Italy. Rose had tried to convince her to remain human, had told her in vivid detail of her own transformation and the events which had led to it, and had explained how being a vampire made her feel: frozen, stagnant, futureless. _Childless_.

"This isn't about Bella at all," I realized.

"No?" _Show me another pregnant woman around here._

"Exactly my point, _Rose._ How convenient that the girl you never wanted to join us is carrying the thing you have always wanted more than anything in the world."

"Hey," Emmett protested, frowning. "That's not fair. The baby is Bella's, not Rosalie's."

"And if Bella just _happens_ to die in childbirth?"

"Of course Mister Overreacts-About-Everything would see it that way." Rose gestured angrily toward me. I snarled at her, but she continued undaunted. "Have you forgotten what Emmett looked like when I found him? You already planned on changing Bella. Once the baby is born, you can change her, and the venom will repair any damage he might do. She doesn't need to survive the birth, just the pregnancy."

Bella's already pale complexion grew slightly green, but she clamped her teeth together and nodded, staring at me with pleading eyes.

 _Rose is right,_ Esme thought.

"She is not right!"

"Of course she is," Bella whispered.

"No, she's not! I can't reanimate a _corpse,_ Bella!"

"You won't have to! I can do this. I know it. I feel it."

I glared at her in silence, trying to find a way to convince the most stubborn creature on the planet to see reason. Giving up on that endeavor - for the moment - I tried to make my family agree, instead. If we were a united front against her, perhaps she would relent.

"This doesn't just threaten her, it threatens the entire family. Whether she survives the birth or not doesn't matter when its mere existence assures her death. _Our_ deaths. The Volturi will hunt us down and kill every one of us when they find out about it. Removing it saves _all_ of us."

Stubborn as always, Bella insisted, "The Volturi don't have to know."

"Do you think you can hide mass murder? Even before the days of television and the internet, they _knew,_ Bella. They always knew!"

"Our baby won't be like that." She shook her head and rose from the couch, reaching for me.

I backed away from her, unable to bear the thought of her pressing herself against me and feeling _it_ between us.

She stopped moving toward me, and tears filled her beautiful, chocolate eyes.

Feeling bad for hurting her, I crossed the room and took her hands in mine, but I still couldn't pull her against me. "Bella, please. Just listen to me for once! What you're carrying has grown within two weeks what should have taken it three or four months. _Months_ , Bella! In another three weeks, four at most, it's going to be fully developed."

"That's exactly my point! Don't you see?" She squeezed my hands with a hopeful smile on her lips. "I won't have to wait for long. I can handle three weeks of being pregnant. A little discomfort is normal for any pregnancy, only I won't have nine months of it. I just have to hold on for a few weeks, and then it'll all be over."

"The human body isn't meant to accommodate such rapid growth. It's going to rip you in half!"

"You don't know that."

"I do know it. I've seen it!"

"Huh?"

"I told you, Bella. The Ticuna have their own legends. Kaure either saw it happen, or was told about it in vivid enough detail that I could see it in her mind. The demon that clawed its way out of that woman left her for dead before the Ticuna killed it."

Her face paled, but her lips pressed together in a hard line. "You said that they were lies. Legends meant to entertain."

"That's because I was trying to reassure you at the time," I snapped.

Pulling her hands from mine, Bella turned to address my father. "Carlisle, what you told me of immortal children. Was that a legend, or were they real?"

"I assure you that it was quite real. I met those children."

"And their defining trait, what you said was their biggest problem, what was that?"

"They were uncontrollable. They couldn't be taught."

"Uncontrollable? I don't think so. I believe you said they were _unchanging._ Trapped in whatever stage of development they were in when they were turned."

He assented to her clarification with a nod of his head. "As are all vampires."

She placed a hand on her stomach. "He's not like those ones you knew. He's changing, growing."

"That may be true, Bella, but neither is it like a human child. We have no way of knowing what it will grow into."

Bella's eyes were fierce when she looked back into his. "So, because _you don't know,_ you want to kill Edward's child? You want to kill our baby out of ignorance?"

The room was silent, but I heard her words echoing in every mind in the room, especially Carlisle's. I watched him remember his centuries of saving lives, of fighting his nature to become better than what he was. I saw him remember the look on my face when I returned to him after four years of murdering humans. And I saw an old memory, one which I had only rarely witnessed: newborn Carlisle, gazing at his reflection in a still pool from which he had just gulped handfuls of water, trying in vain to quench his thirst. My father was remembering what he'd looked like with the vivid red eyes of a newborn vampire.

"No." Realizing I was seeing him picture himself as a killer, I shook my head. "Don't. Carlisle, _please."_

"Bella is right about at least one thing, Edward. Right now, we are ignorant. Despite its rapid growth, there is time. Let us not be hasty to make a decision that you may regret for eternity."

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Carlisle." Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes glazed over. I realized she'd been up for many hours by that point and needed to sleep, but Rosalie stepped between us when I instinctively reached for the tired girl.

"You should rest, Bella," she cooed.

"Rosalie is right," Carlisle said. "You have had a long day. Get some sleep, and I will examine you in the morning."

Bella nodded gratefully and let Rose guide her toward the stairs. I watched helplessly as my sister led my wife away from me to her and Emmett's room so that she could sleep in the bed there.

"Oh!" I spun to stare at Alice, whose mind was suddenly filled with images once more.

The essential decision to wait made, my family's future was no longer unknowable and blank. The images that used to be as clear as if they were happening right in front of her were blurry and fuzzy instead. She began rapidly blinking her eyes, as though trying to bring them into focus, and I realized I was doing the same thing.

Alice saw my family fighting, but the words were nonsensical. She saw my father and brothers poring over piles of books, gazing at the computer screen for what were apparently hours on end. I watched myself yelling at Rosalie. Flinching at the images in her mind, I saw her picture my face again and again. I looked deranged, and I didn't like it. But Bella, Alice couldn't really see, and that was far worse. I was aware of a blurry blob on the couch and guessed that it had to be her, but it was as though someone had taken a negative of a photograph and ruined it during development or smudged a thumbprint over the lens before the picture was taken.

Alice blinked once more as the visions finished. She met my eyes, confused. _Why is everything so blurry?_

"I wish I knew."


	21. Myth-Conceptions

**21\. Myth-Conceptions**

"Emmett, Jasper, I would appreciate it if you two would go into my study and gather my collection on vampire legends. There may be something there that will tell us about the fetus. Alice, I would like you to search the internet for the anything regarding unusual pregnancies and births. No matter how outrageous the legend, print a copy for us to read. Esme, please go grocery shopping. Bella will need to eat. Make sure you get eggs. Apparently, Bella has been craving them."

I watched gratefully as my father took control of the situation. My family members dispersed to the tasks which Carlisle had set for them. Immobile once more, I stood in the middle of the room, feeling useless while I waited for him to tell me what to do. When he and I were the only ones left in the living room, he walked slowly to the couch and sank onto the cushions with a sigh that sounded as ancient as he was. He closed his eyes and rubbed his hand across his forehead, deep in thought.

 _Do no harm. Above almost all else, doctors are taught to do no harm. Yet how to decide which course of action to take when every one of them risks harming us all? If Edward is right, and I fear that he is, Bella will not survive the pregnancy._

He looked up and saw me watching him.

 _And if she dies, so will you. She knows this. Everything Bella has ever done has been to protect you, just as you have always sought to protect her. Why the change now? What is it about the fetus that has made her so instantly and completely attached to it to the point where she would sacrifice everything she has fought to obtain for its sake?_

"I don't know," I said in a flat voice. "I don't understand, either."

 _Your wife is stubborn, Edward. God, what could I have done to be blessed with a house full of such stubborn teenagers for all eternity?_ He looked toward the sky and rolled his eyes.

"Lucky you, that's not something you'll have to worry about should Bella get her way."

"I did not mean it like that."

"I know. Doesn't change the fact."

 _Our family was finally complete. We all had each other and our chosen mates. I know what it is to be lonely, my son, and I suffered along with you all these years. You nearly lost Bella before, and I know what an effect that had on you. Can you believe that losing any of you would affect me the same way?_

Slowly, I nodded. I remembered all too well the affect my rebellious years had had on us both. It hadn't been just the guilt that had driven me to return. I'd missed him just as sorely as he'd missed me. "Coven ties are easily broken. The same isn't true for family."

"No, it is not."

"Help me, Carlisle. I can't lose her."

He breathed in deeply and sighed with a frown. _But you need to consider what it would mean to her if she were to lose **it.** She already considers the fetus her baby, though she has known of its existence for less than a day. You have seen what losing her baby did to Esme._

"That's not the same thing!"

"Is it not?"

From upstairs came the thumping of feet sprinting across the floor, followed by the sound of Bella getting sick again.

I strode over to a chair opposite the couch and sat down, perched on the edge. Balancing my elbows on my knees, I rested my head in my hands.

"Morning sickness is a normal part of pregnancy, Edward. Even to the point that it rarely limits itself to the morning for many women."

"I know," I muttered.

"You asked for my help."

I nodded.

 _What would you have me do? Remove it against her will?_

I looked up at him, shocked at his tone. His mouth was creased in a tight line, and his frown had deepened. Thinking of his words and what they would mean, I pictured all too easily Bella's anger and sense of betrayal were I to do that. I opened my mouth to deny it, but found myself saying, "If that's what it takes."

"She is a forgiving person, Edward, but I fear even she would never forgive you for that."

"I'm responsible."

His face softened, the lines of anger melting away. "My son, you did not know it was possible. None of us did."

"That's not what I mean. I'm her husband. It's my responsibility to care for her, to keep her safe, even to protect her from herself if necessary. If an individual seeks to do themselves harm, isn't it up to their family to put a stop to it?"

"Is that permission to keep you from killing yourself if she dies?"

I growled at him. "You're twisting my words."

"Am I?"

The restless energy returning, I stood and began to pace. I found myself getting closer to the steps with each turn. Part of my problem was that I missed her already. We had spent the last week in near constant contact until I had left her to go hunting. She had barely let me touch her on the plane, and now she slept in my sister's bed, not mine.

Not _ours._

Ah, God, I wanted her.

The past week hadn't made up for the century of loneliness, for the seven months I'd spent away from her, for the months when I had kissed her without truly knowing what it was to be surrounded by her love. Not when the promise of an eternity spent loving her was within my grasp.

Why was she doing this? From the start, she had cared more about being with me than her own life. Was that the answer? Was she doing this _for_ me? Because I had expressed a desire for a child? But I didn't want one at the expense of her life!

I sprinted up the stairs and found the hall blocked by Rosalie. "I need to talk to her."

"She's sleeping."

"That's fine; I'll wait. It won't be the first night I've spent watching her sleep."

She didn't budge.

Exasperated, I rolled my eyes. "Rose, what is it that you think I'm going to do?"

"I don't know what you aren't capable of where Bella is concerned. You've proven over and over that when you believe her safety is threatened, all bets are off. You think her baby threatens her life - "

"I _know_ that it does!"

" - and therefore, you can't be trusted."

"Put yourself in my place and try to imagine that someone was keeping you away from Emmett. Would you stand for it?"

Her mouth twisted to the side, but her eyes softened. _No. No, I wouldn't._

"Come with me if you must. But don't stand in my way, because my patience is rapidly running out."

"Fine. But don't wake her."

I scoffed. "Rose, I have never disturbed Bella's sleep. Trust me."

She opened the door and flitted into her room to stand by Bella's head. I followed more slowly, afraid that if I moved with any speed, I would rush over to my beloved human girl and scoop her into my arms, or scoot onto the bed to lie beside her where I could press her back against my stomach. I missed the feeling of her curves tucked against me, of her warm skin on mine.

Instead of giving into my need for her, I positioned one of the chairs so that it was facing the bed, rather than the fireplace, and sank into it, prepared to watch her until she woke. With a slight smile, I wished Rose had chosen rocking chairs for her room. A vampire's natural state might be motionlessness, but I had always enjoyed the human feeling of movement that came with sitting in Bella's rocking chair.

Like she had done on the island, Bella slept quietly, neither moving nor speaking in her sleep. For several hours, I watched her, and Rose watched me. Most of that time my sister spent mentally reviewing all she knew of pregnancy and trying to think of things that it might need or want once it was born. A montage of babies passed through her thoughts: strapping boys with curly black hair and delicate girls in frilly dresses. I repeatedly saw an image I was all too familiar with: herself, looking down at a rounded stomach.

I sighed, frustrated with her. "You're a selfish brat, Rosalie."

 _I don't think you're being rational here, Edward. Weren't you the one who **wanted** Bella to have children?_

My eyes flickered to Rose's face and I felt my mouth twisting into an unhappy grimace. I nodded in acknowledgment.

 _Then shouldn't you be happy?_

"Happy!" I growled below my breath.

 _You have everything you've ever wanted. They say you should be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it._

"Shut your mouth, Rose."

 _Me?_ _You're the only one talking here._ I _haven't said a word. It's not_ my _fault you're a nosy snoop._

"You know very well I have no control over it!"

 _How convenient. Hmm. Your lack of control seems to be all-inclusive these days. Should Carlisle be checking your eye color?_

"How _dare_ you - " I started to yell. At the same time, Bella twitched in her sleep.

"Shh!" _You'll wake Bella!_

A moment later, Emmett opened the door to find me half risen out of the seat with a chunk of the chair's arm in my hand and my teeth bared in a fierce grimace. He looked back and forth between me and Rose with a frown.

 _Is there a problem here?_ "You know, that's _my_ chair you're breaking. You wanna mangle some furniture, you've got your own." His face broke into a grin and he wiggled his eyebrows. _You're just gonna have to wait a few weeks._

"You are so obnoxious, Emmett," I muttered, sinking back into the chair. I tossed the broken arm into the cold fireplace, and folded my arms across my chest, my eyes glued to Bella's face.

 _So now you yell at me, break my furniture, and insult my husband? Remind me who's the selfish brat again?_

Unaware of Rose's mental taunt, Emmett casually leaned against the wall and smirked. "Yup."

I heaved an angry sigh, but refused to rise to her taunts again.

"You should go downstairs. Me an' Jazz have been doing all the work. Don't you think you should contribute to the cause? I mean, more than what you've already given Be - "

"Emmett," I growled in a low whisper, interrupting him. "You really don't want to finish that sentence. Or that thought, for that matter."

He rolled his eyes. "Look. Sitting here staring at her isn't doing any good. You wanna save her? Go help Carlisle figure out how. You wanna watch her, look through Rose's eyes. She's not leaving Bella, and Bella's not going anywhere." _Go on, kid. Git._

Scowling at the idea of not being able to see her for myself, I grunted in acknowledgment of his logic and rose from the broken chair. Ignoring Rose's hissed warning not to wake Bella, I leaned over the bed to brush my lips against her hair before returning downstairs to help my family find a way to save the life of the woman I loved.

The smells emanating from the kitchen told me that Esme had returned and was already cooking. I was aware that she had chosen foods that were normally considered healthy for pregnant women to eat. I was also unhappily aware of a similar kind of excitement in her mind like what I had seen in Rosalie's.

Great. Just great.

Deciding to forgo confronting my mother until I had some evidence to back up my convictions, I joined the rest of my family in Carlisle's study. Emmett returned to his position on the floor across from Jasper moments later. They were surrounded by books, and Jasper was thumbing through an old text on succubi.

"She's not a succubus, Jasper. Whatever are you reading that one for?"

"It still relates. Carlisle said not to overlook any possibilities. And there's more in here than the Denali sisters, you know."

Cursing myself for my abstraction, I realized I should have been watching my brothers read in order to help myself tune out Rosalie's thoughts, as well as to search for hidden meanings in what they were reading. Prompting him to tell me what I'd missed, I gestured for him to elaborate. "Such as?"

"None of us would have thought Bella could get pregnant because, well, Tanya and her sisters have been with human men for a millennium, and they have never conceived. Rose, Alice, and Esme; Sulpicia, Didyme, and Athenodora; Victoria - "

"Get on with it!"

"Um, sorry. What I mean is, no vampire woman any of us have ever met or heard of has ever gotten pregnant. We all knew there was some truth to the legends of the succubus, because they _do_ exist. But as for the incubus... well, that just seemed a bit far-fetched. At least, in the sense that any woman would survive to tell the tale."

"A lotta men the Denali sisters were with sure didn't." Emmett snorted and remembered a dim picture of Rosalie as she'd carried him back to Carlisle to change, and how she'd looked like an angel to him, even then. _...but man! What a way to go!_

"Emmett," I groaned.

He looked at me with wide eyes, affecting an innocence we both knew he didn't have. "What?"

"Tell them about the vampire you killed in Seattle," Carlisle prompted me.

"What vampire?" Jasper looked back and forth between us.

"That third vampire that I killed this year; the one that was not self-defense."

"What about him?"

"Well, he would - " I sighed and pointed at the book Jasper was holding. "Like Tanya. He would take the women before drinking their blood. But his intention was always to kill them after. And even if it wasn't, they would not have survived."

A look of disgust crossed Emmett's face. _...man, that's sick... teased Eddie 'bout doin' that to Bella... but I never_ meant _it!_

Jasper blinked at me, feeling my anger, directed both toward the predator I'd killed, and toward myself for my own lack of restraint.

"Huh." _...guess it's not surprising you killed him._ "There're stories that've been told throughout history of women taken by demon lovers. Personally, I've never met a demon like these books describe nor heard of anyone who has. Horns and tails and forked tongues. It's all a bit ridiculous."

"Before this year, had you ever met a shape-shifter?"

"Well... No. But I'd never met _any_ supernatural creatures, aside from other vampires. I'm not convinced any of these creatures ever existed."

"If we exist, who's to say every legend isn't based on fact?"

He eyed me skeptically. "Really. Every legend."

Emmett snickered. "So, if I was to ask you to go catch me a dragon to snack on..."

"I don't know," I muttered, annoyed. "There's more to this world than the humans know. Surely there's more than what _we_ know, too."

Carlisle gave a low chuckle, and when I glanced at him, seemed strangely pleased. Before I could ask what was so amusing to him, Jasper snorted and asked, "Are you suggesting there really are such things as zombies?"

"Or mummies?" Emmett added.

"Aliens?"

Emmett started to shake with laughter. "Giants?"

"Bigfoot?

"The Abominable Snowman?"

"Atlantis?" Jasper was feeling the effects of their amusement, and his lips pressed firmly together as his eyes danced.

"Maybe I should go take a swim in the ocean and see if I can find me a mermaid, yeah?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

Jasper fought off Emmett's humor and threw his hands into the air. "Because it's ridiculous! We may not have had much experience with supernatural creatures other than the Quileutes, but the Volturi would know if things like that existed. From what Carlisle has said, Caius regularly hunts werewolves, or did before he drove them to the point of near extinction. He studied their libraries for decades and would know if they'd ever found evidence of anything else."

"I may have studied there, but that hardly means that I read every book. And I was not exactly interested in mythical creatures at the time. I did go through much of their vampire lore, but I was looking for information on animal drinkers, not succubus or incubus. The castle in Volterra is massive, larger than the city itself when you include all of the underground rooms and corridors. I doubt I saw a third of it. I was there as Aro's guest and was treated as such, which means there were sections of the castle to which I was not invited, and many of the guard whom I never met."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Like Jane?"

"Exactly."

"Yes, I doubt Aro would have wanted to advertise her role in their politics when courting your good opinion."

"That is neither here nor there. The point is, the library in which I studied was one of many. Who can truly say what they may have discovered over the millenia?"

I smiled smugly at Jasper. "See?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "And that helps us... how?"

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "It doesn't."

"At any rate, what I'm finding doesn't fit your situation. The mythology here states that the creature was actually both a succubus _and_ an incubus. That first _she_ would have sex with a human male to obtain his sperm, and then _he_ would use that to impregnate a human woman. The child would have been genetically all human, and the pregnancies would last the normal length of time. The offspring, despite being human, would supposedly have magical powers." He closed the book with a snap and tossed it aside, disgusted. "It all reads like an excuse for an extramarital affair, if you ask me."

I grunted in agreement.

"So unless you've been secretly turning into a woman..." Emmett waggled his eyebrows when I shot him a dirty look.

"Then this doesn't apply," Jasper finished for him.

"Tell me what Kaure told you," Carlisle said.

I snorted. "She thought we were shape-shifters."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really?"

I shrugged. "We don't match any of their legends. Not really. She had thought we were Libishomen, especially once she saw Bella with me. But when she realized Bella was pregnant, she called me a Boto. Some kind of river dolphin they have legends about."

My father pressed his lips together, but couldn't hide the amusement in his mental tone.

"Yes. Very funny, Carlisle. Were-dolphins, indeed," I scoffed.

"Aw, c'mon, Eddie! After everything with the Quileutes, you've gotta admit that's funny."

"I have to do no such thing, Emmett. And this isn't helping Bella!"

Carlisle reined in his amusement and nodded. "No, you are right. Forgive us, Edward."

I shrugged. "The Boto legend didn't fit regardless."

"But did the legend include pregnancy?"

"Er, yes. That's why that's what she thought I was when she saw Bella's condition. But it sounded to me like nothing more than a legend to explain pregnancies and warn young women against having relationships with men they knew nothing about."

Carlisle gestured to the books that surrounded us. "I do not really expect us to find much here. I have read every single one of these books, and do not recall any of them containing information that matches Bella's condition nor the circumstances of the fetus's conception." He heaved a sigh and rubbed his hand across his mouth, scanning his memory of various birth legends. "I took several theology courses in my rounds as a college student."

"As have I."

Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Me, too," Emmett grumbled. _Booooring..._

"Several of the ancient legends revolve around unusual births. Zeus's offspring were not just conceived in magic; their births were rarely normal. Athena was said to have been born directly from Zeus's head."

Jasper snorted. "Yeah. They believed Prometheus cracked his skull with an ax to get her out."

"Perhaps as an explanation for why raising children always results in headaches?"

"Vampires don't get headaches, Carlisle."

"Dealing with your siblings makes me question that belief daily."

I clenched my fists in fury. "Can we _please_ return to the topic at hand?"

Emmett pointed at me. "And Eddie has to be exhibit number one."

Carlisle's mouth fought to hold back a smile.

"If you three are done making jokes, I'd like to remind you that Bella's time is limited," I said through clenched teeth.

Carlisle shook his head. "She is in no danger at the moment, Edward. I think it would do you and her a great deal of good for you to relax a little bit."

"Relax!"

"Your worry is only going to cause her stress. That is never a good thing for a pregnant woman, who is already under stress no matter how normal the pregnancy." He eyed me as I scowled at him. _Shall I ask Jasper to intervene?_

I snapped, "I don't need his help."

 _But you do need mine, and I need you to stop letting your fear control you._

It wasn't their fault Bella was pregnant, and taking my anger out on them wasn't helping anyone. I took a deep breath and held it as I attempted to do as he asked.

He nodded his approval and went on with his recollection of pregnancy myths. "Zeus's child, Dionysus, was said to have been born twice. Once from his mother, who died at the sight of Zeus in his god form, and once from Zeus himself, who attached the fetus to his thigh to complete the gestation."

"Helen of Troy was supposed to be one of Zeus's, too." Jasper quirked an eyebrow at me. "He took the form of a swan to impregnate her mother, and so the legend says Helen was hatched, not born."

"A swan," I muttered.

Carlisle grunted. "However, none of those pregnancies were accelerated, regardless of the strange legends surrounding their conception."

"And the mothers?" I pressed. "Didn't most of them die?"

"Yes, but according to most of these legends, it was not from the births. It was vengeance in some form or another since the children were conceived by humans, and not his wife."

"But we're still talking _myths_ here. Ancient gods and goddesses and the ignorance of people who believed lightening came from a being who hurtled it toward the earth in anger. So who's to say that 'vengeance' wasn't just the women bleeding to death and them blaming their gods?"

"We are not going to find any factual account of a human conceiving a vampire's child, Edward. All we can go on _is_ myth and legend."

"Maybe so, but I don't think the Greek gods are going to help us."

Alice entered the room holding a stack of papers. "Well you're in luck, because there're lots of other cultures with weird birth stories out there." Shoving the papers into Carlisle's hand, she went to Jasper and sank down beside him with a grimace.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he put an arm around her shoulders.

"These blurry visions make my head feel funny. I keep trying to make them get clearer, but they won't."

"This is good, Alice," Carlisle said as he read the first in the stack. "The founder of the Liao Dynasty was said to have been born with the body of a three year old."

"And he could see the future," Alice said with another grimace.

"His mother claimed he was conceived when the sun fell from the sky and into her bosom, and when he was born, the room was filled with light and an extraordinary fragrance. Hmm." He inhaled, concentrating on the various scents each of us gave off.

"Does it say what happened to his mother?" I asked.

"No," he said after scanning the printed paper, "but he was the oldest of many brothers, although they could have been related solely through the father."

"Still, I can't imagine any woman surviving the birth of a _three-_ year old," Alice said with a shudder. "Or being pregnant for three years!"

"She may not have been. It says here, he was walking within three months. That suggests an acceleration akin to Bella's pregnancy."

Sighing, I peeked in on Bella, who was still in the same position she'd been in when I'd left the room. I skipped back out of Rose's mind quickly, uninterested in listening to her thoughts. "What else did you find, Alice?"

"Well... Unfortunately, most of what I found was about the conception and the children, and not the births or the fate of the mothers afterwards."

Carlisle nodded. "Hmm. The Aztecs have many stories surrounding Quetzalcoatl's origins, but they still indicates a nine-months-long gestation."

"Let me know when you get to the one of the Tikbalang."

Holding up a strange picture of a creature I didn't recognize, Carlisle raised an eyebrow skeptically and said, "This thing?"

Alice shrugged. "You said any legend, no matter how unusual."

"Unusual is the word," Emmett muttered. "Doesn't look human at all."

"It's has red eyes and will take a woman and leave her pregnant with more creatures like itself."

Carlisle sighed and laid the stack of papers onto his desk. "Yes, but as with all of these others, there is nothing that really matches what Bella is carrying."

We all paused at the sound of Bella's feet thumping toward the bathroom. Without a word to my family, I sprinted upstairs to talk to her. As I had done on the island, Rose was holding Bella's hair out of the way, though there wasn't really much need. She had nothing in her stomach that could come up, and was merely gagging over the toilet while her stomach clenched.

Eventually, her mouth cleaned, and dressed in fresh clothes, Bella was escorted by Rosalie into the living room where Esme and Rose made a fuss of seeing to her needs. Bella was embarrassed, but they ignored her protestations and brought her water and a bowl of the oatmeal Esme had prepared. Esme had added fresh blueberries and a light vanilla flavor. Leaning against a wall, I watched in silence as she hungrily ate every bite.

Done at last, Bella finally met my eyes, and I flinched at the fear in them. Forcing my face into a smile for her sake, I crossed the room toward where she sat, curled on the couch. Rose eyed me, wanting to warn me away from Bella, but at my angry look, she backed off, though she refused to leave the room.

I sat on the couch beside my pregnant wife and reached for her hand. It didn't feel as warn to me as usual, but that might have been because we had just left the very warm island only the day before.

Carefully keeping my voice even, I said, "If I asked you a question, would you answer it honestly? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?"

She laughed softly. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"Please, Bella?"

"You want to know why I'm keeping the baby."

Unsurprised that she saw through me so easily, I nodded.

"I love him, Edward. I could no more kill him than I could willingly kill you."

Grinding my teeth together, I growled, "You love it."

 _"Him."_

"And you know that it's a boy, how?"

She shrugged. "I don't, actually."

"Not three weeks ago, when I mentioned having children to you, do you remember what your response was?"

She rolled her eyes and looked away from me. Reaching for her face, I turned it back so that she looked me in the eyes again. Trying harder to dazzle her than I'd ever done before, I stared into her lovely chocolate eyes.

"Your response was one of disgust, remember? I believe your exact word was 'Gah'!" I imitated her exclamation as closely as I could. "Why the change now?"

"And I thought you were the one who actually wished for a shot-gun wedding."

"Is that the answer? Are you doing this for me? Because you think it's what _I_ want?"

 _Oh, please. Typical Edward. Everything always has to be about you._

"No. I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do."

"How is it right? How is taking yourself away from me right?"

 _Didn't you think taking yourself away from_ her _was right at one point?_

"I'm not." Her eyes widened as she leaned toward me. "If I believed that, do you think I would still want to keep it?"

"Yes, Bella! I do. You've never acknowledged the danger I pose to your life. How is this any different?"

Bella tore her eyes away from mine and muttered, "It's not."

Taken aback, I frowned. Was she admitting that she knew it would kill her? "Then you'll let Carlisle take care of it?"

 _Oh nice. 'Take care of it.' Like her baby is some new disaster you've gotten us into instead of a **life**_.

"Of course not! That's not what I meant."

"Then what?"

"I was right before, wasn't I? You didn't kill me on our honeymoon."

"That's different," I said through my teeth.

"I don't see how."

 _"I_ am capable of controlling myself - "

 _Hardly._

" - but no one will be able to control that thing. It will have to be destroyed, eventually. Please, Bella. Let us take care of it now, before it takes you with it."

She took her hands from mine and folded them over her stomach. "No."

"What exactly do you think is going to happen to the thing after it kills you? Do you think _any_ of us will let it live once you're dead?"

 _It's not a 'thing'! It's a baby!_

"It won't happen like that. You can change me after he's born."

"There's just one problem with that idea, Bella," I said impatiently. "You have to still be alive for the transformation to occur."

"I will be. I can do this. I _can_ do this!"

 _And if she doesn't... I'm still not going to let you kill him!_

Rounding on my sister, I shouted in fury, "Will you please shut _up_ , Rosalie? This does not concern you!"

"Oh, yes it does!" she yelled back. "Bella specifically asked me to save her baby from _you_ , Edward! I'd say that makes it my concern."

"What universe do you live in, Rose? That thing is _not_ going to be the pretty baby you keep imagining!"

"I live in reality, unlike you! Stop calling it a 'thing'! It's a baby, Edward. _Bella's_ baby."

Only vaguely aware that the rest of our family had joined us in the living room, or that I was on my feet with Emmett's hands wrapped around my arms, I accused my sister. "You have never thought of anyone else, in all the years I have known you! It's always, 'poor childless, futureless Rosalie,' isn't it? You've always been the center of your little universe, self-absorbed and selfish without a care what you do to anyone else. Don't you _even_ pretend that this is about Bella! So long as Rose gets what she wants, to Hell with the rest of us."

"And what about _you?_ Like you're any better? How many times over the past year have you put us in danger because you were too scared to face reality? If you'd listened to Alice and changed Bella in the beginning, none of that would have happened. Stop blaming me for your cowardice!"

"Cowardice? Bella is going to die, and you're actively helping her do so! How would you feel if I were to put Emmett's life in danger?"

"Edward, stop," Bella hissed. "I'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine."

"Are you kidding me? You _have_ put Emmett's life in danger! Or was that army that was after Bella a figment of my imagination? We've _all_ risked our lives for hers because of _you._ And now she's having your baby, Edward! _Your baby!_ Something none of us would have believed possible. This baby is a gift, a miracle, and the first thing you want to do is to kill it?"

"A miracle? It's a _demon._ The spawn of a vampire, Rose. Of course I want to kill it!"

"Well I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen."

"Oh, we'll see about that," I hissed. "And if I were you, I wouldn't stand in my way."

"Is that a threat?"

"I'm not going to let it hurt Bella."

"Naturally, little Eddie has to blow everything out of proportion as always," she sneered. "Well I've got news for you: the girl you fell in love with actually wants to spend eternity with you _and_ your child. She knows it's a miracle and loves it. And for some reason, she loves you, too, instead of seeing you for the killer that you are!"

Alice and Esme were pulling Rosalie into another room even as she screamed the hateful words while Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle dragged me outside. Trying to dislodge Emmett's arms from around me, I struggled to reach my sister, my fear and fury overwhelming what little sense of reason I had left.

I fought against them, not even sure of what I was trying to accomplish at that point, only that they were there, and that they were real and tangible beings whom I _could_ fight against. Ignoring their repeated attempts at calming me, I shoved against their arms and snapped my teeth at where Jasper was gripping me. I only just missed adding yet more scars to my brother's arms because of the hold Emmett had on me. My legs shot out, trying to kick theirs out from under them or at least push them away from me. I ignored the pain that flared across my shoulders and back as I pitted my strength against that of my brothers. That physical pain meant nothing to me, compared with what I knew I would feel when Bella died.

Carlisle grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his eyes. "Stop! Stop this right now, Edward."

As I had done so many times to various humans over the years, and especially to Bella, he held my gaze with his penetrating glare. In his mind, my expression was deranged, my eyes wild, my teeth bared and glistening with venom.

"I'm killing _her,"_ I managed to choke out.

Understanding that it was Bella I meant, and not my sister, he shook his head firmly. "You are not. We will find a way to get it out without hurting her. I have not even had the chance to examine it yet. Yes, it is growing rapidly, but... this does not have to end in Bella's death." He glanced back toward the house, and I followed his gaze to see Bella there, on the steps, watching us with wide, tear-filled eyes.

Instantly stopping my struggles against my brothers, I blinked in surprise. "Bella, love." I moved to take a step in her direction, but Emmett and Jasper were still holding me. "You can let me go," I said coldly.

They waited until Carlisle nodded to them, and I strode over to where she stood. Abruptly ashamed of losing my temper, I carefully wiped the tears from her face and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Rosalie is wrong," she said firmly. "I see exactly what you are."

Warily, I watched her, waiting for her to say the words. To say that she'd made a mistake, to say that the blindness which had hidden what I truly was had finally been lifted.

"You see yourself as a terrifying monster, but _I_ see someone who's capable of courage and sacrifice." She swallowed and placed a warm hand on my cheek with a smile. "And love."

Holding back the sob that wanted to break from me, I pulled Bella into my arms and buried my face in her hair. My sweet wife wrapped her arms around my neck and clung to me. She was shivering, and the scent of her adrenaline flowing in reaction to my shameful display was a thick cloud around us. What had it looked like to her as I'd screamed at my sister and fought against my brothers? I was only grateful that we'd been fighting at vampire speed; I doubted she'd caught much of it.

Yet how did she not see me for what I was? Rose _was_ right, and I had always known it. By the time Bella did, it would be too late. With Bella's body pressed against mine, I could feel the firm bump in her belly between us and realized what I'd been trying to deny all day.

It was already too late.

Before I could say anything else to her, I felt a hard thump from where Bella's protruding stomach pressed against mine. We gasped at the same time, and Bella pulled away from me, lifting her shirt out of the way. The rounded bulge between her hips had a small discoloration on it, and as I watched in horror, it darkened slightly.


	22. Examination

**22\. Examination**

"Carlisle," I called tensely. Looking back into Bella's eyes, I made my voice as persuasive as possible and said, "You've rested and eaten. Will you _please_ let Carlisle examine you?"

To my relief, she nodded. "Yeah. That's probably a good idea."

Exuding his calming bedside manor, Carlisle smiled as he gestured toward the house. "Every pregnancy should occur with a doctor's supervision, Bella. I have brought some equipment home to help me assess the fetus's condition, and yours."

As I moved to follow them into the house, he shot me a stern look. _You have a few apologies to make, Edward. Bella and I will be done shortly. I expect you to behave until then._

Grimacing at being scolded like a child, I stopped in my tracks and watched them walk away from me. Abruptly aware that some of the anger that I felt was not my own, I turned to see my normally joking and smiling brother watching me with a frown.

"Sorry, Emmett."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Edward." He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked slowly to where I stood by the porch. _Look, bro... Rose ain't easy for you to live with, I get it. You two are often at odds... and she starts it often as not... I get that too... but you try to attack my wife again, and_ _I won't hesitate to defend her._

"Acknowledged," I muttered. "Don't worry; it won't happen again."

"It had better not."

He walked into the house, and I turned to Jasper, who was delaying returning to the house and the emotional climate he would experience within it.

"Sorry, Jazz."

He shrugged. "You've got no reason to apologize to me. I'd be fighting for Alice's life if hers was in danger too. No matter who threatened it."

Unsurprised by his understanding, I nodded gratefully. "Then, instead of an apology, please accept my thanks."

"For?"

"Stopping me."

He grunted and slowly followed our brother into the house.

I thought of what I had felt when the thing in Bella's stomach had moved against me. It had been strong. Bella's touches had always been gentle. Even when I knew her to be using much of her human force, the pressure of her hands had always been slight. I had always felt her heat more than her strength. Yet when the creature within her had bumped against me, I had _felt_ it. If it had hit against me that hard, what had it felt like to her? It was no wonder there had been a bruise.

A bruise! Our first night - the night the thing had been conceived - I had left bruises all over Bella's body. Never before or since had I left a mark on her skin. But now, now the demon child I had planted was bruising her from within! And it wasn't even three weeks old! What would it be capable of as it grew? What would it be capable of once it was born?

If Carlisle was unable to convince her to give it up - and I saw no reason why he would be able to convince her when I had been unable to do so - then what it was capable of wouldn't matter for long. Once it killed Bella, _I_ would kill _it._ And if Rose killed me for doing so, that would just make things easier for me. If she didn't, perhaps the wolf who hated me would oblige instead. If not him, surely I'd be able to find someone willing to end me.

I'd spent a hundred years believing that I would never find love. I'd spent a year and a half trying to protect the girl I had finally fallen in love with from myself. I'd spent the past two weeks as her husband, the last week as her lover, and had planned on spending eternity with her. Before Bella, eternity had stretched before me in monotonous boredom. I had finally begun to hope that eternity would hold something else entirely since making Bella my wife. The idea of existing through eternity with nothing more than the memory of her love was appalling.

Listening to Rose's mental tirade wasn't helping matters. She was no longer ranting at Esme, who was herself quite upset with both of us, but she was still thinking directly at me.

Frustrated, I let out a heavy sigh. Both Emmett and Carlisle were right; it was Rosalie I should be apologizing to. She had been the one I'd screamed at. I entered the living room to find Rose sitting on the couch, her arms and legs crossed and an expression of restrained fury on her face. She refused to look at me, turning her head to scowl at a blank wall instead. Emmett was leaning against another wall with an unhappy expression on his face. Esme looked at me as soon as I entered the room, and her eyes immediately began to dart between the two of us.

Imitating Rose's posture, I stood where she could have seen me if she had wanted, crossed my arms and looked in the direction opposite the one she was glaring in. "Sorry."

She sniffed in disdain. _I might accept if you really meant it._

Throwing my hands into the air I snapped, "Fine!" and headed for the stairs to join Carlisle, who was just beginning his examination of Bella.

Leaving the couch in a blur, Rose planted herself between me and the stairs. "You are not going near Bella."

"Rose," Esme said in a low, disapproving hiss.

"He's made it clear what his intentions are. I don't trust him not to try something."

"My _intention_ is to find out what Carlisle has to say."

"You can do that from here."

"Rose is right," Emmett grumbled. "Just look through Carlisle's eyes."

"I should be there!"

"I'd say you lost your parental rights when you decided to kill it."

Staring at my brother in shock, I saw Rose's smug smirk in Emmett's mind as he looked evenly back at both of us.

"Thank you, Emmett," Rose said in her most sickeningly sweet voice.

"Damn it!" I growled and stalked away from my sister and the stairs she was guarding to stare out the wide windows. Rose flitted up the stairs to join Carlisle and Bella as soon as my back was turned. Emmett flopped onto the couch with a huge sigh that sounded nearly as frustrated as I was. Esme joined him while Alice and Jasper took the love-seat.

Their eyes were on me as I closed mine and let myself focus only on Carlisle's normally comforting mind. He'd brought many things from the hospital, including a hospital bed, and I watched through his eyes as Bella grimaced when she climbed onto the bed and lay back.

 _"Are you in pain?"_

 _"No. It's just... I'm not a fan of hospitals."_

 _"This is not a hospital, Bella. It is just a room in our house."_

She rolled her eyes. _"Yeah, but it's still a hospital bed, and judging by what you've got on the counter there, that still means needles."_

Almost amused, I watched as she shuddered. Of all the things for her to be afraid of, needles seemed the most silly to me, especially when I considered all of the things that she should have been afraid of, but wasn't.

 _"Do not worry about that right now. First, I would like to examine your progress, take some measurements, and see what exactly we are dealing with."_

Rose tapped lightly on the door before she peeked her head in. _"Mind if I come in?"_

Bella smiled tentatively at her. _"No. Please do, Rose. I want you here."_

I was sure the smug look she shot Carlisle was directed at me, not him.

 _"Bella... I wanted to tell you I was sorry."_

The familiar look of bewildered confusion crossed her face. _"For what?"_

 _"What happened earlier. I shouldn't have said those things in front of you."_

 _"Oh. No, it's okay, Rosalie. I mean, you were just fighting for my baby, like I asked you to do."_

She nodded slightly before shooting Carlisle a glare. _"And I'll keep fighting. I won't let_ anyone _hurt him."_

Ignoring Rose's implication that she trusted him no more than she did me, Carlisle had Bella expose her stomach, and he gingerly probed the area around the small bruise it had made when it kicked me. _"Tender?"_

Bella shook her head.

 _"Do not downplay any symptoms, Bella. If we are going to help you, you need to tell me anything you feel, and anything you need."_

 _"No, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt."_

 _"How about here?"_

 _"Nope."_

With fear tightening my stomach so much that I felt strangely nauseous, I watched as Carlisle probed the rounded bulge with his fingers. _...a pregnant woman's uterus should be firm, but this is much harder than normal... like she has a rock in there... no give at all..._

 _"Bella, we measure a woman's progress from here to here."_ He ran his finger from her pubic bone to the top of the growing bump. _"In a typical pregnancy, each centimeter equals a week's growth."_

 _"And what am I?"_

 _"You are eighteen days post conception?"_

A light pink stained Bella's cheeks, but she nodded.

 _"And you are certain of the day? What I mean is: it is not younger than that?"_

 _"Well, I started eating and sleeping like crazy from the first day, so, I guess?"_

A look of concern crossed his face.

 _"What?"_

 _"It is growing daily what should take it about a week."_

 _"So... eighteen weeks? So I'm about half-way?"_

 _"Not quite. It is not an exact ratio, as you are only measuring fifteen centimeters, but that is still an enormous rate of growth. Dangerously so."_

He met Bella's defiant glare with steady eyes. After a moment, he said gently, _"Do not think that I do not understand, Bella. Though none of my family are related to me by blood, they are all my children."_ His lips twitched. _"Barring Esme, of course. But I have fought for their lives, and would gladly sacrifice my own for theirs should the need arise."_

 _"Yet you still agree with Edward, don't you?"_

 _"Edward believes this pregnancy threatens your life. He is not wrong."_

 _"He is!"_

 _"As a doctor, I have to look at this differently than the rest of our family. Doctors do not sacrifice the life of a mother in favor of an unborn child."_

 _"I'm not asking you to sacrifice my life, Carlisle. I'm asking you not to sacrifice my baby's."_

 _"Despite all of our technology and the many advances in medicine, women die in childbirth, and have throughout history."_

 _"Oh, please, Carlisle,"_ Rose scoffed. _"Babies are born everyday."_

 _"Likewise, women die every day attempting to deliver even the most normal of babies. Which Bella's is not."_

 _"And people die in car crashes every day, too. Are you saying we should all go back to horse-drawn carriages?"_

 _"Now is not the time for flippancy, Rose."_

Carlisle's low voice clearly conveyed his disapproval, but though she paled slightly, my sister held her ground. _"No, it's not. Now is the time to take advantage of all of those many advances in modern medicine to see to it that Bella and her baby are safely delivered. Pregnancy is not an illness that you need to cure."_

 _"My own mother died delivering me. Pregnancy and childbirth may not be an illness, but they are inherently dangerous, and Bella's more than most. Edward is_ **not** _wrong,"_ he insisted a second time.

 _"He's not right, either. Bella's child isn't a demon. You know how he overreacts about everything! This is just par for his course, especially where Bella is concerned!"_

Bella pleaded with my father, _"You've already agreed to make me a vampire if Edward doesn't. All I'm asking is that you help me live until he's born, and then help Edward change me, or do it yourself. Save me,_ and _him._ "

Carlisle's lips thinned and he sighed. _"Well, let us at least see what the ultrasound can show us, shall we?"_

Bella nodded as a smile played on her lips and her eyes lit with excitement. Carlisle spread a bit of gel over the bump and begin to glide the wand over her distended uterus. Rosalie stood behind him so she could see the monitor. I watched through both sets of eyes for the first glimpse of the thing growing in Bella's stomach, but all I saw was a field of white. Where there should have been a grainy black blur of fluid surrounding the grey and white shape of the fetus's body, there was only white.

 _"It can't penetrate?"_ Rose asked him.

 _"So it would seem."_

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing is_ wrong _, Bella. It is only that the ultrasound is not able to penetrate the amniotic sac."_

Bella gnawed her lower lip. _"So we can't see the baby?"_

He handed her some tissue to clean the gel from her stomach and put the device away. _"Not with this, but I also brought an x-ray machine home,"_ he explained as he rolled the portable imager to her side. _"I have to slide this under your hips and then you need to lie very still."_

Bella raised herself off the table so that Carlisle could position the film. He angled the arm over Bella's abdomen, adjusting it until it was pointing at her rounded belly.

 _"Aren't x-rays bad for a baby?"_

 _"This is not a typical fetus, Bella. Vampires are not subject to cancers, and I do not think you have to worry about infertility."_

Bella laughed softly. _"No, I guess not."_

After pressing a few buttons, he retrieved the film from underneath her, and Bella sat up, dangling her legs over the side of the table while he loaded the picture.

 _"Hmm."_

 _"What?"_

 _"The x-ray cannot penetrate, either."_

I sighed in frustration and heard an identical sigh from Carlisle at the same time. _Ignorance again. Or perhaps not. Surely this proves that the fetus is more vampire than human?_ He glanced back at Bella. _Not that I believe that will matter to her, but it reinforces my opinion that Edward is correct. This child cannot be allowed to finish gestating._

 _"Bella, I need to run some tests. Since I am unable to see the fetus, I am going to have to rely on your body to tell me what is going on."_

 _"You're talking needles, aren't you?"_

 _"I promise it will be very quick, Bella. You will barely feel it."_

Pressing her lips together tightly, Bella thrust her arm out to him and closed her eyes, but I was aware of the change in her complexion as Carlisle turned away. Before he could get his supplies, Bella slid from the table and threw herself toward a trashcan.

When she was done, Rose helped her clean her mouth while Carlisle took the can into a bathroom to clean.

Bella sounded mortified when she said, _"I'm so sorry."_

 _"Don't apologize, Bella. Morning sickness is normal."_

 _"Yes, it is, but I am still concerned. When was the last time you were able to keep anything down?"_

 _"I'm not really hungry..."_

The loud grumble from Bella's stomach was proof of her lie. Rose glanced at our father, and I was almost amused at the way he could convey disapproval with the slightest tightening of his mouth.

 _"Bella, I am going to reiterate:_ **every** _symptom is important. You need to be honest with me or I might miss something that I would need to know in order to help you."_

Bella nodded slowly, looking chagrined.

 _"Now, I am going to ask you again: when was the last time you ate without getting sick?"_

 _"Thursday,"_ she whispered.

 _"What about liquids? Have you drunk any water?"_

 _"Yes. Some."_

 _"Did you keep it down?"_

 _"For a while."_

He filled a cup with water and held it out to her. _"Dehydration is dangerous. To both of you. Sip it slowly so that you will have a better chance of keeping it down."_ Carlisle watched as Bella took several sips of the water and nodded in approval. _"I am also going to give you an antiemetic. Hopefully that will help your nausea."_

Bella groaned, but held her arm back out and squeezed her eyes shut.

 _"Here, Bella. You can squeeze my hand,"_ Rose offered, taking the cup from Bella.

Carlisle's sure fingers easily found the extra warmth under the skin at the crook of her elbow. He gently probed the vein before swirling an alcohol wipe across her skin. He glanced at my sister, whose eyes were fixed on Bella's arm. Her mouth was firmly set, though she was breathing rapidly. _"Hold your breath, Rosalie."_

She glanced at him and immediately stopped the flow of air into her lungs. Bella flinched as Carlisle inserted the needle. He filled several tubes with her blood, pocketing them quickly before applying gauze to the tiny puncture and disposing of the needle. Rose's eyes were slightly darker when she resumed breathing, but she didn't otherwise react to the lingering scent of Bella's blood that hung in the air.

 _"Another needle?"_ Bella groaned as Carlisle prepared the antiemetic.

 _"It would do you no good to give you a pill to swallow that will only come back up before it has a chance to be absorbed into your system. This will be faster and the effects longer-lasting, besides."_

 _"I feel fine now, though. I'm not nauseous or anything."_

 _"You have not eaten in two days. Starving yourself to avoid a needle is good for neither you nor the fetus."_

 _"Baby,"_ Rosalie inserted angrily.

 _"Fetus is the correct terminology, Rosalie. It is not a baby until it is born."_

 _"It's okay, Rosalie. Just get it over with, Carlisle."_ Bella flinched again and hissed as he pushed the medicine into the muscle on her shoulder.

 _"There. You should feel better soon. Now, I want you to try to eat something. Esme bought crackers and cereal, which many women claim help their nausea. She also bought ginger ale. I suggest you start there. In the meantime, I am going to go to the hospital and have them run these. I will be back shortly, alright?"_

Bella nodded and scooted off the table, clutching Rose's hand for balance.

I turned and strode into the kitchen. Our pantry had never been so full of food. Though Esme shopped regularly in order to keep up appearances, she had usually driven the items straight to another town to donate to the food bank. Occasionally, she would bring the items home if she planned on cooking something for Carlisle to take to the hospital. Sometimes it would be sweets for the staff, sometimes a pretense to visit him for lunch at work, but now, our kitchen was overflowing with food. Esme had bought enough to feed our whole family for a month - had we any interest in eating the stuff.

I found the crackers and ginger ale, filled a cup with ice in case she wanted to drink it cold, and returned to the living room as Rose escorted Bella to the couch.

"Thanks," she said when I handed her the crackers. "I guess you were listening."

"Of course."

I frowned as Rose sat beside Bella. My fragile human girl leaned against my sister and began to nibble on a cracker. I opened my mouth to discuss the exam and what it meant, but Rose glared at me. _Don't start, Edward. She needs to eat._

I scoffed. "As if I didn't know that already. I brought her the crackers, didn't I?"

"That's beside the point. Don't badger her right now."

I pressed my lips together against the words I wanted to say and watched Bella's face. She refused to meet my eyes, keeping hers on the food she was picking at.

If it were possible for a vampire to sleep, I would have sworn I was dreaming. Once, Rose had tried to convince Carlisle to allow her to kill Bella for jeopardizing our family's anonymity. She'd never been shy about showing her hostility for the girl who had captured my heart. Even after Bella had saved my life in Italy, Rose had treated Bella like an unwelcome guest instead of a family member.

Likewise, Bella had always avoided my sister. She'd been well aware of Rose's feelings toward her. For some reason, she'd even been jealous of Rose, no matter how often I had assured her that my sister and I had never been attracted to each other.

Now, seeing them practically cuddling on the couch, I felt like I was the butt of some sick cosmic joke. My human wife was pregnant with my vampire spawn and being protected - from me! - by the one member of my family who had actively tried to prevent her from joining us. Though I had never been able to talk sense into the girl I loved, I frantically tried to think of a way to convince her to give up the child I had once craved.

Alice abruptly stood. "I don't feel so good," she muttered and headed upstairs. Jasper was by her side before she set her foot on the bottom stair. I was aware that he was trying to send her feelings of calm in an effort to combat the fear that he felt coming from her.

"Bella, sweetheart. Can I fix you something else to eat?" Esme offered.

She nodded. "Yeah. That'd be great, Esme. Thanks."

"Chicken soup," I muttered. Bella glanced at me, meeting my gaze at last with a tentative hope in her chocolate eyes. "To combat the dehydration," I explained in a flat voice.

Bella swallowed her cracker and nodded, and Esme zipped into the kitchen to begin fixing the soup for Bella. Left in the living room with Emmett, Rosalie, and Bella, I was acutely aware of the divide within my family.

Alice feared the thing Bella was carrying. Her inability to see it or Bella made her instinctively distrust it. Jasper believed that, aside from the threat to Bella herself, the thing's existence threatened our family, and anything that threatened Alice was not to be tolerated. Carlisle, though he was on his way to the hospital, had made his feelings plain already. By its very nature, the vampire child would be an uncontrollable threat to human and vampire alike. His memories of the children he'd seen in Volterra had left us both with a deep sense of distrust for the growing demon-child.

Esme and Rosalie were of the opposite opinion. The thing was a miracle, and to be protected at all costs. Emmett, though wary, felt he had to support his wife. It was clear that Rose was already as attached to the thing as Bella was, and if he were to suggest killing it, he might as well have been suggesting he kill Rose's own child. He knew how she grieved over her lost human future, but could never give her a child directly. Supporting her and Bella now was his only chance.

After more than fifty years of relying on Alice to guide us, it was disconcerting to be without the security of knowing that, whatever else happened, our family was safe. Worse, the future she had promised had been tantalizingly close. Now, not even tomorrow was assured.


	23. Persuasion

**23\. Persuasion**

By the time Carlisle returned from the hospital, Bella had eaten the soup Esme had fixed for her and had it come back up. The crackers and ginger ale weren't seeming to help any more than the antiemetic had. Nothing she'd eaten since I'd left her to go hunting had stayed down.

Humans could go without food for several weeks, but that wasn't necessarily true for a pregnant woman. Even pregnant, a few days without food wouldn't hurt her, but water was a different matter, and we all pressed her to keep drinking.

As soon as I caught Carlisle's mind as he turned onto our driveway, I hurried to meet him. "Well?"

Without a word, he handed me a few pieces of paper - Bella's blood work.

"She's not anemic," I noted.

"I would not have expected her to be as there is no sign of bleeding. Her dehydration was what worried me, but there is little evidence of that. But look at this." He shuffled to the page showing her metabolic panels.

"None of this is really helpful!" I said in disgust after looking through the results.

 _On any other patient, I would say everything looked normal._ He handed me another paper. "She visited the hospital a number of times this past year. I pulled her previous results so that we could compare them with today's." _See here?_ He flipped back to the tests the hospital in Forks had just done and pointed to the patterns the numbers were showing him. _All within normal limits, but only just. Her electrolytes are now on the low side of normal. Her cardiac markers show a slight elevation, as do all of her liver enzymes._

"Barely," I muttered.

"As I said, they are within normal limits and, on any other patient, I would not consider any of these significant."

"But on Bella?"

"I am not sure, son. On their own, these results do not tell us much. They are what I would expect in a case of hyperemesis. Tomorrow, I will run another set, and any changes will tell me a lot more. If we start to see a trend in her numbers, that will be much more indicative of her condition than this single set. The next few days will tell us - "

 _"Days!"_ I looked away from the paperwork to stare at my father in shock. "She can't keep anything down, Carlisle! How long are you planning on doing nothing but monitoring her before her condition convinces you to act?"

"As long as she refuses to allow me to _take_ action, Edward," he said sternly.

Growling, I shoved the papers back into his hands and stalked into the house. Carlisle was on my heels as I entered the living room. My hands were clenched into fists against the desire to take some kind of action of my own. What, I had no idea, but the need to do _something_ was hard to deny.

 _Well?_ Rosalie demanded, looking between us.

"You took my blood to be tested, right? So, when will you know the results?" Rather than looking at me, Bella kept her eyes fixed on my father, though it seemed to be deliberate, like she was forcing herself to _not_ watch me. I, on the other hand, couldn't look away from her. She was paler than I'd ever seen, and her knuckles where she clutched her cup were white.

"I already have them, Bella."

"And?"

"And nothing," I muttered, frustrated. Though I didn't _want_ her to be ill, to have some proof that the pregnancy wasn't good for her might have lent some power to my belief that it would kill her. If I could have shown her that she wouldn't survive it, I tried to convince myself that maybe she would have relented.

"There was nothing conclusive about what I found today. I would like to repeat the tests again tomorrow morning." He ignored Bella's low grunt of displeasure. "Any changes will tell us a lot more than what I found today, which, in truth, was nothing."

She smiled and looked at me at last. "See, Edward? I'm fine."

Fine? She was _fine?_ How could she be so blind? Why was she capable of seeing everything except for that which threatened her? Pressing my mouth into a hard line, I strode from the room to return to the research my family had been doing that night.

"Eddie! I was just about to call you, bro. I found the answer to all your problems. See, Jazz? This is why _I'm_ the world's best brother."

Not believing what I was seeing in his mind, I leaned over him to stare in annoyance at the computer screen. "Dungeons and Dragons, Emmett? _That's_ your brilliant answer?"

"Yup. It's perfect! Half human, half vampire. They even have a name for your kid. It's called a... a dhampir."

"Don't be silly. This isn't based on anything more than some kids' fantasies."

He started sniggering. "No way. Man, this is _awesome._ It says they're vampire hunters. Like father, like son, eh?"

I straightened and crossed my arms. "That isn't funny, Emmett."

"Sure it is. Think about it. What's Bella's defining trait, huh? I seem to remember you callin' her a danger magnet several dozen times last month alone. You think becomin' a vampire's gonna stop that? 'Cause I don't."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and muttered my brother's name.

"So, you 'n Bells made a little dhampir baby who'll go after anything that threatens the family; 'cause you know with Bella around, something's bound to."

"That... that's very helpful, Emmett, really. Thank you so much."

He grinned, showing all of his teeth. "Anytime, little bro."

"Now, will you please look up something that's at least somewhat based on reality and not some game?"

"A billion geeks can't be completely wrong. Dude, you're lookin' up ancient myths, but we've spent the past fifty years being guided by the future. Why not now?"

"Alice's visions have proven their reliability time and again."

"Uh, maybe I'm wrong, but I swear I've seen you readin' Jules Verne."

"And watching Star Trek," Jasper said from behind a book.

"Yes, and I've seen Back to the Future, too, but I'm not expecting a hover-board any time soon."

"So, their timing is off a bit. The nerds of the world got it goin' on, and eventually, science fiction is just science."

"Wow, Emmett, that's very profound and profoundly unhelpful, all at the same time."

"All I'm sayin' is, this kid of yours can't be unique if even the humans have a name for 'em."

"He's got a point," said Jasper as he turned another page.

"Perhaps, but does it say anything about the mothers?"

"Er, no." Emmett looked chagrined as I stared at him, trying to think of something polite to suggest that he research next. He must have seen something of it in my expression, because he stood and muttered, "Guess I'll find another book to read."

I took my brother's place at the computer and, after closing a ridiculous number of tabs, started researching for myself. It wasn't too much longer before I heard Bella bolting to the bathroom.

Once, I had entertained the idea that God must have made her specifically with me in mind, but that to do so, he'd had to remove or reverse her instinct for survival. She'd always fit against me so perfectly. On our honeymoon, we'd been like two interlocking puzzle pieces, sculpted to match each other exactly. But she was a human, and I was a vampire.

Humans were instinctively afraid of us. Even when we tried not to be scary, they were aware of our subtle menace, of something not right about us. Bella's reactions were the opposite of any other human I'd ever met. She was attracted to me without fear. She was drawn to my menace instead of repulsed by it. Now, instead of seeing the demon spawn for what it was, she protected it. _Loved it!_ Like any mother would do for her young. Like my mother had done for me.

My mother...

Giving up on the internet, I strode through the house to find Esme in the kitchen. She was eyeing the pantry and chewing on her lip while thinking of foods that might help Bella. I took a calming breath and stood beside her.

"Esme?"

"Hmm?" She didn't meet my eyes, her mind still focused on the food she was considering.

 _"Esme."_

"Do you think Bella would like a sandwich? Or should I try another soup? She needs liquids, but the bread could help settle her nausea."

Trying a different tactic, I spoke again. "Mom?"

Surprised, she looked at me. Her expression turned to one of pity as our eyes met.

"Mom," I repeated in a low whisper. "Help me."

"I am, sweetheart."

"No, Mom. You're not. You're helping Rosalie."

She sighed and shook her head. "I'm helping Rosalie help Bella."

"Rose would listen to you where she won't listen to me. She trusts you, respects you. We all do."

"Then trust me now, Edward."

"I do, Mom. I trust you to make the right decision. The one that keeps our family whole."

She narrowed her eyes at me. _I know what you're trying to do, Edward._

My eyes widened as I made my expression guileless. "All I'm trying to do is save Bella's life."

"You've called me 'Mom' more times in this one conversation than the past five years combined. Don't think I can't recognize when you're trying to soften me up."

"But you _are_ my mother. You don't have to risk Bella's life to become something that you already are."

"I'm not. Bella has made her choice, and I'm supporting that decision."

"Would you support her if she decided to become a human hunter?"

"That's hardly the same thing."

"You don't think so? By giving birth to an uncontrollable vampire child, it amounts to the same thing. You've been around human babies, and you know how insistent they are that they be fed regularly. They're demanding, selfish, little monsters with no thought for anything other than their own immediate needs."

"Good grief, Edward! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say."

"Tell me it's not true. When they're hungry, babies demand to be fed. They cry and will continue to cry until that need is met. But _this_ creature won't need to wait to be fed. It won't even bother with crying! When it is thirsty, it'll just go out and kill no matter how we try to stop it."

"Edward, sweetie, you're looking at this the wrong way. Won't you try to see it from Bella's perspective? All newborns have needs, and it is up to the parents and grandparents to meet them."

"And if I was a human still, I'd be more than happy to do so. But a human baby won't go on a killing spree! If you think this vampire child will be any different from every other newborn vampire you've ever seen, you're right. Just ask Carlisle! It will be far worse, with the strength to see to it that it gets what it wants, but without the mental capacity to practice restraint."

"Carlisle kept you from killing when you were a newborn."

"But not you."

Her face paled at the reminder of the people she had accidentally killed.

"And not Rosalie, nor Emmett."

"This isn't the same. Bella's baby is a _baby._ It's not a newborn vampire!"

"Have you looked at Bella? What she's carrying is far from human. It's more vampire than anything else!"

"But it's not. Vampires don't grow. Bella's child is."

"Not at a human pace. If... if it were more normal, I might agree with you. But she's not even three weeks pregnant, and measuring as though those weeks were months! Esme, Mom, _please._ Talk her out of this!"

Her eyes were sad, though she gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry, Edward. But this is her choice, not yours, and not mine."

"But you're choosing to support that choice."

"Yes! I am. And so should you."

"Well, I'm _not!"_

"There's a difference between being protective and being controlling, Edward. Don't become that man." In her mind flashed the image of her abusive ex-husband.

My lips pulled back from my teeth at her accusation, and I snarled, "I'm _nothing_ like Charles!"

"No. You're not. But you're scared, and you're not thinking rationally."

"Are you mad? You can't possibly think wanting to keep that - _that!"_ I pointed furiously toward where Bella sat with a demon growing in her stomach, " - is rational."

Her eyes followed the direction of my finger and, though there was a wall in the way so that Esme couldn't actually see them, her face softened, and a smile tugged at her lips. I saw her imagine Rose and Bella cuddled together as they were now, only in her imagination, they were cooing at the infant in Bella's arms. "I think that it is rational for a mother to protect her child."

"Then protect _me!"_

Her eyes flashed back to mine.

Ruthlessly, I reminded her of what I knew. "When she dies? What do you think will happen to me, Mom?"

Her lips pressed together and she frowned angrily. "Threatening suicide to get me to help you abort Bella's child is beneath you, Edward."

"I'm not threatening anything. But you know the truth as well as I. I can't live without her. I _won't."_

"You've played that card. The Volturi will not kill you."

"There are other ways."

She sighed and turned away from me to resume examining the contents of the pantry. "Don't be so pessimistic! Other than a little nausea, Bella isn't showing any ill affects from the baby. Didn't Carlisle show you the results of Bella's blood work?"

"He did," I muttered, frustrated.

"The first months of pregnancy are usually accompanied by morning sickness. Missing a few meals won't hurt her any more than it did me."

"You're missing the point!"

"And the baby is growing quickly. These early 'months' will pass in another week or so, right?"

"Has everyone in this house lost their minds? That is not a good thing!"

"In the meantime, the best doctor in the world is monitoring her closely," she said as if I hadn't spoken. "If necessary, he can administer fluids intravenously until she can keep her meals down."

I scoffed in disbelief. "Mom! Have you heard a word I've said?"

"And then when the baby is born, you can change Bella, and we'll have two newborns to care for." She met my eyes, and I saw my aghast expression in her mind. "Don't worry, Edward. We'll keep them both safe."

Patting my cheek with a smile, she grabbed a can of soup, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and another of jelly from the open pantry before striding away from me, humming under her breath.

Once Bella's lunch was prepared, I followed Esme into the living room to find Rose smirking at me. _Nice try. You should've known Esme would never buy that performance._

Rather than respond, I scowled and watched Bella eating. Rose had to keep cautioning her to eat slowly, to take small bites. She hadn't kept anything down in days and was surely hungry. Unfortunately, she would probably lose this lunch just as she had her other meals.

"Esme, you should probably get a bucket." They all looked at me, but I couldn't meet any of their eyes. "For when she throws up again," I explained and left the room to seek out Alice.

She and Jasper were in their bedroom and invited me in before I could knock. Alice was curled in a ball in the center of their bed, rubbing her temples and frowning. From where he was seated beside her, I could feel the emotions Jasper was trying to send to her, but they didn't help her any more than they could me.

I sank into one of their chairs and tried to ignore the conversation I knew Rose and Esme were having with Bella. "Can you see anything, Alice?"

"I saw you coming here to ask me that," she whispered.

"But Bella?"

She shook her head, miserably.

"Can you tell how long the pregnancy will last?"

"No."

"Not even from watching the rest of the family?"

 _"No."_

"But you saw me come up here - "

Her head snapped up and her eyes were flashing with anger when they met mine. "Because that had nothing to do with the thing she's carrying! Not directly! I can't see her. I can't see _it._ I can barely see past my own immediate future. I'm pretty sure she'll still be pregnant tomorrow, but that's just a guess based on glimpsing you and Rose arguing again. I hate being blind!"

"I know, Alice," I mumbled.

She sighed, and her head sank back into her hands. "It's worse when I'm closer to her. Everything is blurred. It's making my head ache."

"And you, Jasper?"

He grunted. "They're happy. Rose and Esme and Bella. Even Emmett," he added after a pause.

"Happy," I scoffed, furious.

"I'm not, though. And nor is Carlisle."

I eyed him and was sure he could feel my gratitude.

"I've raised thousands of newborns. Sometimes Maria would choose ones even younger than that Bree girl was. The young ones were small, but quick and vicious. Bigger, older humans had a tendency to be stronger. Not as strong as Emmett was as a newborn, I'm sure, but stronger than the others their age. Not that that would help them keep their heads when the younger ones could zip past their defenses and - "

He broke off recounting his memories from being a leader of a newborn army, but I could still see them in his mind. The younger ones, being smaller, faster, and more agile would be able to flit around the ones who were changed after becoming human adults, and were taught to cling to the backs of the bigger newborn vampires to remove their heads.

"Well," he amended. "When we could get them to listen and remember their training. Otherwise, they would just rush in wildly and get crushed."

I groaned and ran my hands through my hair.

"It's hard," he continued, almost to himself. "Because I can feel their conviction that this will be good. There is so much hope in them! Bella is especially certain, and I keep catching what I can only describe as intense love coming from her. The only time she's not almost deliriously happy is when you're in the room - which is a first, let me tell you. You two are normally almost sickening to be around," he tried to tease.

"Wonderful," I muttered. I used to make her happy - when I had been the most dangerous thing in her life. Now, the thing that would kill her where I had failed to do so was making her happy, but I was upsetting her.

"Part of me wants to support her, too. Her conviction is hard to deny." His eyes were unfocused, concentrating on the happiness he could feel coming from our family downstairs. "But though I may be an empath, I'm also a rational creature, and I've seen too many newborns to believe this one will be what they think."


	24. Changes

**24\. Changes**

Over the next few days, Bella continued to sicken. The thing growing in her belly was getting perceptibly bigger every day, but she was getting thinner. Perhaps a human mightn't have noticed, but _I_ did. I noticed her cheekbones becoming more prominent, I noticed her lovely voice becoming rough, I noticed the way she would suddenly gasp and clutch at the couch, and whenever her shirt would shift out of the way, I noticed that the bruise the fetus had made when I'd hugged her had only been the first. Her stomach was dotted with small purple and yellow splotches.

I also noticed that she was moving more carefully, wincing as she climbed the stairs, and no longer sprinting for the bathroom. Now, she made use of the bucket that was ever ready to be supplied by either my sister or my mother. She had yet to keep any food down for more than an hour, and the tests Carlisle was running finally showed her deteriorating health.

"Your body needs vitamins and minerals to function," Carlisle told Bella in his most persuasive voice. "Pregnancy aside, when humans run too low on certain essentials, their bodies will shut down and cease to function."

She shook her head. "I can do this. I'll be fine."

"Despite your determination, your body has demands that are not being met. Your heart rate is increased, your blood pressure is climbing, your muscles are producing toxins, your body is breaking down its fat stores since you are unable to feed it, and sooner rather than later, you will run out of the minerals you and your baby need to survive."

"Then help me, Carlisle! Help me get what my baby needs." She reached out to grip his hand, her eyes wide and scared. Not for her own life, no. For the thing's.

He nodded in acquiescence. "I will do what I can. I have brought home several of the protein shakes we give our elderly patients. It is easy to digest, and your body needs both the liquids and the vitamins, but I am concerned that it will do you no good since you were unable to keep down the peppermint tea or the ginger ale. I was hoping you would allow me to bypass your digestive system altogether. I already have bags of glucose, saline, and the like. It is not a perfect solution, but it should keep you hydrated and nourished until the birth."

The crease between her eyebrows formed as Bella shook her head at Carlisle in confusion.

"It would mean starting an IV. Ah, several, in fact."

If it were possible, Bella would have paled, but her complexion was already so white that her only reaction was a tightening of her mouth and a stiff nod.

I glared at my sister. "Starting an IV can expose her blood, Rose. You might want to step out of the room."

"If you can handle it, then so can I."

My big bear of a brother stood and pretended to stretch. "I'm sure you can, babe. Me, on the other hand... I think I've suddenly got someplace important to be." Emmett winked at Bella as he strolled from the room to rejoin Jasper, who was attempting to divine something useful from Carlisle's vast collection of books.

"Hold your breath, Rosalie," Carlisle advised.

Relieved that she had consented to his treatment, I watched as Carlisle threaded the IV into her arm and hung the various bags he intended to give to her. Rose followed his advice and held her breath until after the spilled drops were cleaned up, but I breathed deeply the entire time. What I smelled concerned me.

For the first time since I'd met her, Bella's blood smelled rather sour and ammoniacal. It was still flowery and sweet, but there was an undercurrent to it that told me she was not well. The flower was dying.

As if I needed to smell her blood to know that. I could see she wasn't well with one glance!

After letting the fluids run for a few hours, Carlisle drove to the hospital to check for an improvement. There was a ring of hope to his thoughts as he sped away. He was certain this had solved the largest of the more immediate problems. Once he was confident he could keep Bella alive through her pregnancy, he felt it would then be a matter of seeing to it that she survived the birth.

"Are you feeling any better, Bella?" Rosalie asked solicitously after Carlisle left.

"I think so? I have to use the bathroom, anyways."

Though she accepted Rose's help in standing, Bella used the IV stand for support as she minced across the room. When she returned to the couch, her muscles were trembling, and her expression was one of exhaustion and pain. There were dark circles under her beautiful chocolate eyes, she was covered in a fine layer of sweat, and her normally lustrous hair was lank and dull. Waiting on Carlisle's return, she simply lay on the couch, panting.

I didn't bother reporting the news when I heard it in his mind. Bella looked up hopefully when Carlisle walked into the living room, but her face fell as she saw his unhappy expression.

"Well, it's still early," she whispered.

"That is not an issue, Bella," he insisted. "Especially as rapidly as everything else about you is changing, there should have been some improvement."

"Then try another medication," Rosalie snapped.

"Her body is not absorbing the nutrients, Rosalie," he said patiently. "Maybe..."

"What?" Bella asked.

"The problem is the fetus - "

"Her _baby_ isn't a problem, Carlisle!"

"Please let me finish." He eyed my sister in silence until she pressed her lips together and gestured impatiently for him to continue. He addressed Bella when he spoke again. "The problem is the fetus is growing so rapidly that it is apparently absorbing everything I am giving to you before it has a chance to do your body any good. You have lost weight, Bella, far more than you would have if you were simply not eating. The fetus could tell us a great deal if I could examine it."

"The ultrasound couldn't penetrate, though. I mean, you've already tried."

"There are other ways. A very standard pregnancy test includes sampling the amniotic fluid for chromosomal abnormalities, among other things, and in this instance, it could - "

"You want to shove a needle into her baby?" Rosalie hissed.

"Oh, yes. Because inserting a tiny needle through her uterine wall would do _**so**_ much damage. Be realistic, _Rose,"_ I sneered.

"I am! He can't see the baby, or even feel where it is. If he inserts the needle in the wrong place, the baby could be injured."

"That is true," Carlisle conceded. "But we are also running a risk in not acting. Bella, you and the fetus could die of starvation."

 _It doesn't matter._

"'It doesn't matter'!" I snarled at Rosalie. "How can it not matter that we're _watching_ Bella starve to death?"

"Because the needle wouldn't be able to penetrate anyways!"

Carlisle heaved a sigh before I could do more than growl in response. "Unfortunately, I am certain you are correct, Rosalie. The membrane surrounding the fetus has so far acted more like vampire skin than human, and no needle could pierce one of us. Still, I would very much like to know..." He trailed off, but I could hear his thoughts racing. The thing's genetic sequence as well as physical and chemical make-up were complete unknowns, and anything new tended to fascinate our kind. Without finishing his sentence, Carlisle went to his study to continue his research.

Seeing me watching her, Bella whispered, "I'm sorry."

I looked away from her and gritted my teeth.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Bella," Rosalie crooned to her. "If anyone should apologize it's that insensitive, narrow-minded, pessimistic husband of yours."

"Rosalie." Bella shook her head, her voice low and disapproving. "I appreciate your support, but I'm hurting him enough as it is."

She scoffed. "If he's hurting it's his own doing, not yours, and is nothing new in any event. He could choose to support you instead of trying to control your life for a change."

Bella frowned, but didn't seem to have the energy to continue arguing with my sister.

Rose's voice returned to the sickly-sweet croon she might have used to talk to her sick child, had she ever become a mother. "Everything will be fine, Bella. Carlisle will figure out how to help you and the baby. Once he's born, and Edward sees his child, he's sure to love him just like we already do."

Low, so that Bella couldn't hear, I grumbled, "Don't count on it."

 _You just prefer to be miserable, don't you? You must; why else would a vampire marry a human unless he simply enjoys torturing himself? I may not have approved of Bella wanting to be changed, but any other vampire would have done so long before now._ She smiled down at Bella's growing stomach. _I guess I'm doubly glad now that you've refused to do so._

I stopped growling at my sister. Bella **did** want to be changed! She had begged me many, many times to do so, but I had refused every time. Surely she knew that she couldn't survive this pregnancy. In fact, I suddenly realized she wasn't planning on it. If I had given in to her request, she'd be a vampire now, and not being starved to death by my demon spawn. She had to know I would do everything I could to save her, including changing her at last. But she didn't seem to realize or accept that that wouldn't be possible. By the time the thing clawed its way out of her, there wouldn't be anything left of her for me to save.

I knelt in front of her, ignoring Rose's warning hiss. Bella opened her eyes and watched me, her expression a combination of hope and worry. It was the hope that decided me.

Steeling myself, I nodded slowly. "Okay."

The crease appeared between Bella's brows. "Okay, what?"

"I'll do it."

Rose inhaled sharply. _You'll support her? Stop trying to convince her to kill her child?_

"Do what, Edward?"

"Right now. No more waiting. No more excuses."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll change you."

"What?"

"What!" Rose echoed Bella, but where hers had been a soft gasp, Rose's exclamation was a shriek.

Gently pressing my palms against her petal-soft cheeks, I cradled Bella's face in my hands. "It's what you've always wanted, right? What you've asked me for over and over. I give in. You don't have to do this to get me to turn you into a vampire."

Her forehead wrinkled with a frown, and she shook her head weakly. "Edward! That's not why I'm keeping him!"

Ignoring her protest, I found myself speaking faster, the words tumbling from my mouth in my haste to keep my Bella. "Carlisle has morphine. Lots of it. If we sedate you, you might not even feel anything. It's worth a try, right? I'll get it right now, and - "

"No!"

" - I'll change you, just like I promised. After you married me, that was the deal, right?"

"Edward, that'll kill him. No."

"I'll change you. I will. And three days from now, when you wake, we'll start our eternity together - "

"Stop. Don't do this now." She pulled her face from my hands while I tried to keep her eyes locked on mine.

" - and if you decide you still want kids, well, we can adopt, just like you said, right?" I tasted my flowing venom and was aware of an excited tremor in my stomach, but ignored my body's reaction to the idea of tasting Bella's blood again. I refused to enjoy it, didn't plan on drinking it. Vaguely aware that the rest of the family had joined us in the living room, that Rose was pulling ineffectively on my shoulders while calling for Emmett's help, I twined my fingers with Bella's and concentrated on memorizing her face, her chocolate eyes, the sound of her racing heart, the smell of her breath.

"I don't want some stranger's baby. No. I want _this_ one."

I lost control of my voice and heard it breaking as I babbled, "I loved you without killing you, just like you said I would - "

"Edward - "

" - and I'll keep you from killing - "

 _"No."_ Bella tried to pull her hand from my grasp where I was tracing the scar James's teeth had left.

" - and I'll love you every single day of forever - "

"Not now! No."

" - and when you're ready, we'll go to Dartmouth - "

 _"Edward - "_

I rubbed her wrist against my cheek, feeling the hot, fast pulse against my cold skin. " - or we can travel first. You wanted to see the world. Well, let's start now. _Right now._ I'll take you wherever you want to go. We'll leave as soon as you wake!"

She put a finger over my lips, stopping my desperate words. "You can't change me. No."

"You... you don't want me to change you into a vampire?" I stuttered in confusion.

"Edward, please. I'm sorry, but no!"

"No." I repeated the word, but it made no sense to me. I was offering her everything she'd ever asked me for, and still she chose the demon child. She had always chosen me. _Always_. That she wasn't doing so now was incomprehensible.

Though he'd supported Rosalie's decision to help Bella, Emmett hadn't joined her attempt to pull me away from my pregnant wife. Seeing that I wasn't going to bite her without her permission, Rose gave up on trying to move me and settled for glaring at me in anger. I didn't meet her eyes and ignored her thoughts, concentrating on reading Bella's face.

She shook her head as tears glistened in her beautiful chocolate eyes. They spilled over and ran down her cheeks as she said, "Don't do this."

"How many times have you asked me to change you? Do you know the exact number? Because I do."

"That's not the point."

"No," I said fiercely. "The point was that you loved me, as I love you."

She placed her warm hands on my cheeks. "That hasn't changed."

I could feel my eyes burning and prickling, but my body wasn't capable of producing tears. My words no longer flowing and fast, I had to force my mouth to say them. "You said there was no point in forever without me. That you wouldn't want even one day without me. Do you imagine that I feel any differently about spending forever without you?"

She tore her eyes from mine at last, her mouth twisting down. "I know you don't."

"But that doesn't change anything. Does it."

"The only thing that's changed is that I love you more now than I ever have before."

"How can you say that when you're choosing _that_ over me?" I demanded, gesturing toward her growing stomach.

"I'm not!"

"Well you can't have us both, Bella. Either you live or you both die."

"You're wrong."

"I can see the toll this pregnancy is having on you already, and it's only been a couple of weeks! At the rate you're going, you are not going to survive long enough to have it."

"It's not going to happen like that, Bella," Rose countered quickly. "Carlisle will figure out what you need, and everything will be fine."

I ignored her interruption, unwilling to fight with my sister again. "When you die, and it does too, what would have been the point, then? Hmm?"

Bella spoke slowly, seeming to search for each word. "I know you saw Kaure thinking of some legend, but I don't believe what she had heard of is the same. There's never been anything like you and me before."

"You think not? The only reason you haven't heard of it is because the women were killed or changed before _their_ seed had taken root."

"That proves my point. What we have is different. Special. Just like our baby is. Don't you see?"

"What I _see_ is your life being slowly sucked out of you by a miniature vampire! What I see is it _hurting_ you. Look!" I ripped the shirt covering her swollen stomach aside, exposing the bruises the demon had left.

"He's just strong." To my horror, she smiled proudly and gently patted her belly.

"Yes. It is. And it's getting stronger every minute. And by the time it's done growing, it'll be unstoppable."

Bella rolled her eyes and made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. "Edward. Was Emmett unstoppable?"

"Shall I tell you all of the people he killed? I could show you their names and pictures if you'd like. Their disappearances are a part of public record."

Emmett held up his hands and took a step back. "Hey, don't bring me into this."

"Do you think we didn't try to stop him? Try and _fail?"_

Stubbornly, Bella shook her head. "Carlisle didn't have anyone to stop him, but he's never killed."

"But I was no infant when I was changed, Bella."

"But you still did it."

Grateful that my father, at least, was willing to fight with her, I watched her face carefully as he spoke. "You could argue that I am to blame for the death of every human that has been killed by a member of this family."

"No. Carlisle, I don't believe that."

"Those humans would have lived if I had not made the decision to turn four dying people into vampires."

"That's ridiculous. And besides, if you're responsible for the ones Edward killed, then you're also responsible for the ones he saved, and I know that number is the greater one."

"The ends don't justify the means, Bella," he said gently.

"No," I agreed. "They didn't."

"Well, what about the people you save at the hospital? If one of them was to go on a killing spree, or even just," she swallowed hard and gestured vaguely, "kill someone accidentally in a car crash or something, would you be held accountable for having saved their lives?"

"If I had known what they were planning? Absolutely."

"Carlisle." Esme shook her head and placed a hand on his arm. "I'll not have you accept guilt by proxy. Bella is right. Our accidents, and our choices, were not yours."

"We are all responsible for our choices. I have long ago accepted responsibility for those that I have made. Before I changed any of you, before I ever laid eyes on Edward, I accepted that I would be responsible for any humans who might be killed by a child whom I created. Are you willing to accept the same responsibility, Bella? Do you want to be responsible for human deaths brought about by your child?"

Bella scoffed. "You're vampires! There are seven of you, and will be eight when I'm changed, too. You defeated an army! Don't try to tell me we can't control a single infant, no matter how strong he is."

"It took a castle and an entire guard to restrain the children the Volturi had in their care, and unlike us, they did not care about human lives lost."

"Yes." I nodded vigorously. "You've witnessed their methods, Bella. You remember the tour group. The one you saw fed a dozen vampires that day. A single immortal child could have finished off that group and still been looking for more after! Children know no restraint. They live only in the moment and will not care about our reasons for abstaining or even for practicing moderation."

What little color her face had faded at the mention of our visit to Italy.

Carlisle pressed my point. "Edward is right. It is that which made the immortal children so dangerous, and is why their creation is forbidden."

"That's enough. All this arguing isn't good for Bella. You need to drop it now," Rose insisted, glaring first at me, and then at Carlisle. "Both of you."

Snapping at my sister, I said, "So letting her die is better for her?"

"No! Not adding to her stress is better for her! Supporting her, helping her so that she _doesn't_ die, is better for her!"

"I wish I knew what to say to convince you, Edward," Bella whispered as she sank back into the couch cushions, her glassy eyes confirming what Rose had said.

"I wish the same thing about you," I whispered back.

We held each other's eyes for a long moment before I saw something flicker in them. She leaned forward and placed her fingertips against my cheek, just under my eye. I couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped me at her light touch. She slowly let her fingers trail down my face, tracing my jaw.

"Please, Edward? Please? Don't be scared. I'll be fine. Everything will be fine," she crooned.

The power of her hold over me was so complete that I nearly gave in just at her touch. If I hadn't been so convinced that she was wrong, I would have allowed her to sway me. But although she had been right at every turn in the past, this time, I knew that she was not. How could she be? Slowly I shook my head. "No, Bella. It won't."

So fast that she couldn't have seen me move, I fled the house. I didn't stop until I was miles into the forest that surrounded our home. When I was well beyond where I could hear my family's thoughts, I knew I was also beyond where they could hear me. Sinking to my knees, I wrapped my arms around my chest and gave in to the pain and fear I felt at losing her.


	25. Desperate Times

**25\. Desperate Times**

Carlisle followed my scent through the forest until he found where I sat with my back against a tree. He had walked slowly, giving me the time I needed to pull myself back together before he saw me. He lowered himself down against another tree so that he sat facing me and waited for me to either say something or get up and storm away. The last was only a half-formed thought, an expectation that flickered briefly through his mind and passed just as quickly when I remained seated.

Patient as ever, he closed his eyes with a sigh and rested his hands on his knees, prepared to wait as long as necessary. He tilted his face to catch what little sunlight the canopy of leaves allowed through and concentrated on the sounds of the forest around us. His mind was blessedly clear of the inner ramblings I had to listen to from most people, and I knew it was for my benefit that he had made it so.

Grateful that, of all the beings in the world, it had been Carlisle who had chosen to make me his son, I took a breath at last and began to speak with a moan. "I don't know what to do. She won't listen to me. She won't listen to _you._ She can't even see that it is killing her! How can I save her when she refuses to be saved?"

"The IV fluids have slowed her decline," he said softly.

"Slowed. Not halted. Not reversed."

"No."

"And not enough. She's getting weaker. By tomorrow, she won't even be able to climb the stairs."

"The fetus's rate of growth is increasing. It was less than a week's worth per day when first I examined her. Now, the ratio is almost exactly one to one. Another week from now?" He shook his head, amazed at the demon's quick progression.

 _Human women need time for their bodies to make the adjustments that hers is making. Their skin stretches, their joints loosen and shift, their organs move to give the growing child room. Even at a normal rate of growth, these changes are often uncomfortable at best. It is no wonder she is hurting, though she refuses to admit it._

"Of course she won't admit it. She'll just keep turning a blind eye toward anything that would add sustenance to our arguments."

 _Have you considered doing as Rosalie has suggested and supporting her?_

I gaped at him, appalled.

 _She could use your help, Edward._

"I won't help her kill herself."

 _She does not see it that way._

"But that's the way it is! You know that thing is going to kill her just as surely as I do!"

"Do I?" _But if it does, is this how you want to spend her last weeks? Fighting?_

"I'll never stop fighting for her life. ** _Never."_**

 _And she will never stop fighting for her child's. If she is to have any chance at surviving, I think having your help is essential._

Sullenly, I muttered, "She has Rose to help her get around. She's the one Bella looked to for help, not me."

 _Because my daughter-in-law knows her husband as well as I do._

I could hear the rudeness of my voice but didn't bother to censor it as I spoke through my teeth. "And what is it that you both know?"

"My son, you have a way of looking at the world that is..." Carlisle pressed his lips together and exhaled sharply through his nose. _...not ...entirely accurate._

"I am a vampire. I got my human wife pregnant. The thing I planted is growing inside her - and quickly - and is killing her while we watch. Which part of that is not accurate?"

"So stop watching and start helping."

"She won't let me! I've been trying to convince her to get rid of it from the start."

"Exactly! That is not helping her."

I sneered at hearing him reiterate Rosalie's argument.

"Remember your medical training, Edward. How a patient sees their potential for recovery often has a direct affect on how well they recover. If you could... be her rock to lean on, her chances would greatly improve. Bella needs you." Deliberately, he pictured the way her face had looked after I made my escape from the house.

Groaning, I grabbed my hair in my hands. I always hurt her! I hurt her by staying. I hurt her by leaving.

The only times I hadn't hurt her were when I had given in to what my nature had told me to do, when I'd stopped trying to protect her from myself, and indulged in the joys of loving Bella. I'd made her happy by agreeing to make love to her and by agreeing to change her after. Our last week on the island had been the best in my entire existence, filled with Bella's smiles and laughter.

If I had changed her when she'd first asked, she'd be a vampire by now, our eternity together secured regardless of what name she bore. If I hadn't demanded that she marry me first, I could have been making love to her right this very moment!

As I'd pointed out to Carlisle, I was a vampire. By my very nature, I was a demon, a damned creature. I'd tried to do the right thing, but every time, it had turned out wrong. The more I tried to do right, the worse I made things.

What business had I in doing right, then? I warped every good thing I touched, including and especially Bella. Perhaps it was time to stop fighting my nature. The harder I fought to do good, to **be** good, the more damage I did. Surely Bella's pregnancy proved that. The creation of an immortal child was bad even by vampire standards.

Any other vampire would have turned Bella long ago. Rosalie had said so herself.

Any other vampire would not tolerate the existence of a demon child growing within his mate. Jasper surely would not.

Any other vampire would see to it that the fetus was destroyed. Even Carlisle had been trying to convince her to do so.

Carlisle had told me to remember my medical training. Well, I did. I remembered that there were times when it was necessary for a spouse to make a medical decision for their loved one. When one was incapable of making those choices for themselves, it was up to the other to do it for them.

Bella wasn't thinking clearly. That much was obvious, even to Carlisle. Hadn't he commented on the way the fetus seemed to have influenced her decisions?

She hadn't wanted children before its conception. Somehow, the one inside of her was affecting her, altering her judgment. When it was gone, and she was away from its evil influence, no doubt she would return to normal and be appalled at how it had taken over and nearly ended her life.

As a husband, it was my duty to protect my wife. As a vampire, it was my duty to destroy the immortal child. As a Cullen, I had access to the medical supplies which Carlisle was able to provide. As a doctor, Carlisle was prevented from acting when his patient had told him not to, but as a man with medical training who was _not_ a doctor, **I** had the knowledge to do what was necessary without the limitation of a sworn oath. In any event, the vows which made me Bella's husband overrode any other kind of oath I may have taken.

Rosalie would never allow what I was contemplating. Since it was directly involving the demon, I doubted Alice would be able to see it. Esme would be furious that I wanted to go so completely against Bella's expressed wishes. Jasper would approve of my willingness to protect my wife and our family. Emmett would be angry for Rosalie's sake, but he had never shied away from taking a risk or protecting our family. Carlisle...

 _What are you thinking, Edward?_

I glanced at him and saw my calculating expression in his mind. That I was forming a plan was obvious to him. If I tried to deny it, he would know I was lying.

"You don't believe in taking lives."

"No, I do not."

"You're a doctor. You save lives."

"To the best of my ability."

"Even Esme, if she hadn't been dying, you would never have taken her from her life, would never have turned her into a vampire."

"No."

"Even more, you chose to leave her a human at sixteen rather than change her."

A flicker of pain crossed his face at what those years had cost her, but he said, "Yes."

I nodded absently. Just as I had tried to leave Bella. But he and Esme hadn't been in love when he'd left her, and it still hadn't worked for them. She had never been able to forget the gentle doctor she'd met, especially in the wake of her disastrous marriage.

"But when she was _dying..."_

"Edward!" His eyes were wide and full of worry. _What are you thinking?_

"The thing inside Bella is alive. Even though you don't take lives, if Bella were not opposed to the idea, would you have been willing to kill it?"

"If she had allowed me to remove it, I would have done so already."

I nodded to myself again. Carlisle wanted the creature dead, too. He'd been arguing my case to Bella all along. And my Bella was already dying. Just as I had been when he'd changed me. Just like Esme and Rose and Emmett had been.

"Bella is dying," I whispered, the words raking from my throat like they were made of fire.

"I am doing everything in my power to prevent that from happening."

"Not yet, you're not."

"What do you mean by that?"

Without answering, I stood up and strode toward our house.

"Edward," he insisted as he hastened to my side. "What did you mean?"

I kept walking, my steps steady and purposeful, forcing him to keep pace with me or be left behind. "There's only one way to save her: the same thing that saved Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and me."

"You already offered to change her, and she said 'no'."

"That's why I'm not going to do it. You will."

He stopped walking. "Pardon?"

"You've already agreed," I reminded him as I calmly continued walking home.

"Not without her permission."

"She's already given it."

"She rescinded it!"

"Not so. She said she didn't want _me_ to change her. She didn't say anything about _you."_

"No. She said she did not want to be changed. It was implied that I was included in that statement."

"Her reversal doesn't count."

"Do you think that Bella is not allowed to change her mind? Have you not being trying to get her to do exactly that for months now?"

"Yes!" I hissed. "And despite my protests, you entered into an agreement with her to change her when she was not under any outside influence. Contracts are null and void when not made with all parties sound in mind and body, which, currently, Bella is decidedly _not._ Any questionable decisions she makes now are not binding, and dying for _it_ is certainly not in anyone's best interests."

As if out of thin air, he appeared directly in front of me. "No. Absolutely not!"

I growled, "That thing is affecting her mind! She's not thinking clearly!"

"Neither are you!"

Making certain to keep my voice even, I shook my head calmly. "On the contrary, Carlisle. I'm the only one in this family who seems to be capable of thinking clearly."

"You cannot tell me you are being objective."

"That's not the same thing."

"It is close enough! You think her mind is clouded by the presence of the fetus, but your mind is being clouded by your feelings for her."

I tried to step around him, but he blocked my path with his body. "Get out of my way."

"I do not think so. You are talking about what? Me changing her whether she wants it or not?" Although my gentle father rarely needed to raise his voice to any of us, he got right into my face, our noses inches apart, and shouted in a volume that was almost painful to my ears, _"Have you utterly lost your mind?"_

In contrast, my voice was a mere whisper. "I'm not talking about you doing anything you haven't done before, Carlisle. Did you have my permission to turn me into a vampire? I think not."

As though my words had been a physical blow, he sucked in a sharp breath and took a few steps back from me. "You were not exactly in any condition to ask at the time. It was either change you or allow you to die. Aside from that, your mother _did_ ask me to save you."

Infuriated, yet oddly grateful to have an outlet for my anger, I spat, "Well, I'm Bella's husband! How is that any different?"

"The difference is that Bella has said 'no'!"

"I _hate_ being a vampire, but you did it, and there is nothing I can do about it!"

As I spoke, l began gesturing wildly, slapping my chest and stabbing a finger into his face or back toward the house. Shock filled his eyes, but I refused to give up on the best hope I had to save Bella, just to spare his feelings.

"It is in Esme's nature to make the best of things, so when you changed her, she forgave you, even after she accidentally killed random strangers. And you did it _again_ when you changed Rosalie for me, though you never bothered to find out how I felt about the idea first. And although she hates being a vampire almost as much as I do, you did it once more when she asked you to change Emmett, only that time you were lucky enough that _he_ didn't mind.

"Jasper had about as much control as a newborn when he and Alice joined us, but you welcomed them with open arms. Do you remember who he killed in their first year with us? And how many more times since then? Have you forgotten that he very nearly killed _Bella,_ too?"

He opened his mouth to retort, but I didn't give him the opportunity.

"Every one of us has killed, and you know it! You knew exactly what the consequences were ahead of time, but _still_ you saw fit to change us. Time and again Bella has begged to join us. Even knowing that changing her will result in yet more human deaths, _still_ \- **_still!_** \- you agreed to do so though I begged you not to. Well, now our positions are reversed, and I'm the one asking that she be changed, but the difference is that, unlike Bella, I am not being controlled by some demon creature within me."

"No!" He took advantage of the momentary pause in my rant. "You are being controlled by fear, which is a far more insidious monster than the one she is carrying."

 _"Yes, I'm afraid!_ And you should be, too! You know first hand what that child will be like. By the time it tears itself from her body, she'll be beyond saving, and then what?

"Charlie has already called half a dozen times since we've been home wondering when he can see Bella. The exotic disease excuse you've been feeding him will only hold him off for so long. Do you think he's just going to stop asking about her? And what about when she dies? How exactly are you planning on disposing of her body? Will you fake an accident? And all while trying to control the monster she birthed? What happens when Charlie stops calling and comes by to visit? Do you want his death on your head, too?"

My father's eyes were wide, and he shook his head slightly. _No. Of course not._

"And what about mine? You know I won't survive losing her. Either we kill it and change her now, or my death, Bella's, and Charlie's will only be the beginning. What about when it starts hurting Esme? Do you want it tearing her limbs off as she tries to restrain it? Alice can't even see it. You'll have no way of predicting or anticipating its actions other than the knowledge that killing is _what it_ _ **does,**_ and what it will continue to do."

Against his will, the picture I had painted flashed through his mind: Esme harmed by the creature that she and Rosalie loved. Adorable though the children were, their attention span was far too short for the limitless energy they had. Boredom was a problem for all vampires, and the immortal children were no exception. I saw him remember their constant attempts to evade their captors, and the many humans it had taken to keep them entertained. He imagined the growing number of human disappearances in Forks, and then in whatever city we inflicted ourselves upon next.

I pressed my advantage. "You know it won't take the Quileutes long to figure out that there is a newborn vampire causing the deaths. They will think it's Bella at first. Even if the Volturi don't see what's happening right away, the wolves will, and when they discover what is truly causing the deaths, they are sure to put an end to it.

"It's going to die, Carlisle. Either by the Volturi, the wolves, by your hand or mine, but one way or another, it's not going to live for long. Why keep it alive now? Why sacrifice Bella's life, and all of ours'?"

I closed the slight distance between us to grip his arm in a desperate effort to convince him to act at last. _"Help me, Carlisle._ You save lives. That's all I'm asking you to do. Save _hers._ Please." My last word came out as a whisper, all the angry energy gone from my voice and body.

He looked away from me, but that didn't stop me from hearing my own voice, saying words which I knew he had always feared. My heart twisted at the pain I had deliberately inflicted upon my father. Ever the rash teenager, I had spewed the vitriol of a century at him, and regretted the words the moment they'd left my mouth, but if they convinced him to save my beloved Bella, I could beg his forgiveness later.

Eventually he met my eyes again, and when he did, his were sad.

"I am sorry, Edward. I do not want the fetus to kill her, nor any other humans. I do not want you to die, my son, nor do I want any of our family harmed, but taking it from her against her will, changing her when she has specifically said not to do so... It would be reprehensible. No."

"No," I repeated.

"No," he insisted firmly.

I took a deep breath and let it out in a gust before beginning to walk again. "Fine."

"What are you doing?"

"Do you expect me to stay in the forest? I'm going home."

"Perhaps I should have asked what you are planning, instead."

"I don't know. Nothing. I'm going home to watch Bella starve to death. How's that for a plan?"

"Edward..."

"Leave me alone, Carlisle." I broke into a sprint, certain that he would continue to match my stride.


	26. Desperate Measures

**A/N**

Hey y'all!

There's a reference made in this chapter and others about Edward and medical school that was inspired by _Jessica314_ 's Tale of Years series - the 1950 story to be specific. They're Midnight Sun prequels (since it's Edward's pov, not Bella's) and the whole thing is so wonderful! For the full story surrounding the addition of each member into the Cullen family, I highly recommend giving her series a read. She's detailed all of the major events in the Cullens' lives before Bella in a way that I think we all wish SM had, but in her place, I submit Jessica's series as canon events, they're that good. Seriously, I can't gush enough about it. If you like my story at all, you'll love hers.

Also, I took last week off from work, so was able to get this next chapter out early, but my next schedule's all screwy, so I probably won't be updating this week or next. Y'all know it's coming tho. Thanks for your patience!

~L

* * *

 **26\. Desperate Measures**

We were back at the house within minutes. The beautiful mansion that had once been my haven, my refuge, the place where I had said vows of love to my Bella, was where I now got to watch as she died. I strode through the living room to where Bella sat, worriedly watching my approach. I carefully brushed my lips against the top of her head. My hand curled itself around her face, and she pressed her cheek into my palm.

Her breath was warm on my hand when she sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Love, you have nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault."

"It's not yours, either," she responded with more strength in her voice than I had expected.

I was sure it was deliberate, that she was doing everything she could to appear healthier than I knew her to be. Abruptly, her actions made a strange kind of sense to me. She always tried to protect the ones she loved, and in trying to appear healthy for me, she was doing what she could to protect me.

The first day in our meadow, I had been certain that she'd been afraid of me, but she had covered up and denied her fear to put me at ease. When James had been after her, her first concern had been the safety of her father, not herself. When she'd been made to believe that the sadistic monster had her mother, Bella had run to sacrifice herself to him, to exchange her life for Renee's.

When I'd thought her to be dead, she'd risked her life to save mine by coming to Italy, to prove to me that she was alive in the only way I could have believed. She'd begged to be included on the battlefield when the army had been after her so that she could act as bait for the newborn vampires. She'd sliced her own arm to distract Victoria while I'd fought against the vindictive vampire.

Everything, _every single thing_ that she had ever done had been to protect those she loved, even at the expense of her own life. Why should this time be any different? I didn't understand why she would love the fetus, but then I didn't understand why she loved me, either. I only knew that she _did._

Ah, God, how I loved her.

I forced my face to smile for her before leaving the room to join my brothers in their fruitless search for something to save Bella's life. Instead of choosing an old text on myths to read, I snagged a new edition of Perinatal Medicine. Although obstetrics was not Carlisle's preferred field, he was not one to neglect such an intrinsic part of a human's welfare. When I'd studied this same material during my own rounds of medical school, it had been rather cursory as I'd had no intention of ever working with pregnant women, much less delivering babies.

Wishing now that I'd paid the material the attention it deserved, I settled myself against a wall and began to read.

Before I'd finished with the first chapter, Carlisle stepped into his study and fixed me with a worried stare. Our argument in the woods was fresh in his mind, and he was - rightly - concerned that killing one plan had only caused me to hatch a new one. An eyebrow raised when he made note of the name of the book I was reading.

Determinedly nonchalant, I kept my eyes on the book and turned another page. "It'll have to be delivered eventually. Wouldn't you prefer a nurse who has studied the material recently?"

 _Bella will need you more than I. Rosalie and Esme can assist me, and no doubt will insist upon it._

"All the same. If I'm to help either of you, I'd like a refresher course, and this is the next best thing." I waved the book at him and resolutely returned to reading.

He grunted, not appreciating my belligerence, but as I wasn't shouting or badgering anyone, he left me and my brothers to our pointless reading to go run another equally pointless panel of tests on Bella's blood.

We weren't going to find anything new, because there was nothing to be found. All the legends said the same things. We were killers; end of story. It was a truth which I had always known. I was a killer. The members of my family were all killers. Perhaps it could be argued that Carlisle had never killed, but he felt the weight of responsibility for all of our murders.

What was it Esme had said to him? Guilt by proxy? Yes. _Exactly_. And by refusing to act now, he would be just as responsible for Bella's death as I was for putting the demon that would kill her there. As Rose and Esme were for supporting her decision to keep it. As Emmett was for supporting _them._ As even Jasper and Alice were for seeing the truth and not acting to prevent it.

When Bella died, we would all be responsible.

There was only one way to save her, and if I had to do it alone, then damn it, so be it.

Carlisle had called my plan reprehensible. Perhaps it was, I allowed, but standing by and letting her be murdered was far more shameful than killing the thing that would kill her, whether she wanted it to live or not. If she were dead, she would neither care nor be there to stop me from destroying it for killing her. Far better to do so _now_ and face her wrath later than to wait and experience her death a second time.

Hunched over Carlisle's desk where he was studying a thick tome, Jasper sucked in a sharp breath. Instantly aware that he was reacting to my memory of Bella's death from earlier that year, I felt bad for causing him unnecessary pain. That she hadn't been dead was beside the point. I had believed it to be true, and the flash of pain the memory caused me felt as real as if her death had been.

"Sorry, Jazz," I muttered when he glanced my way.

 _Don't apologize,_ he thought as he shook his head. _How you aren't going crazy, I don't know._

"Maybe I am."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it, Emmett."

"Aw, you know I hate when you guys do that!"

"It's nothing that concerns you. Go back to reading."

He shut the book with a loud thump and complained, "We're not going to find anything here!"

"Then by all means, give up and go coo at the demon with Rose," I snapped.

"Touchy, touchy." He stood and replaced the book he'd been reading, but grabbed another and returned to his chair with a frustrated sigh.

 _Great_. Now I felt bad for letting one brother feel my pain and for taking out my anger on the other one. Aware that Jasper was not-so-subtly projecting feelings of determination and hope, I allowed the determination to save Bella to grow. I _would_ save her, and _nothing_ was going to stop me!

As I read, I made a mental note of every piece of equipment that Carlisle had brought home before our arrival and compared his supplies with what the book said would be needed for the removal of a human child from its mother's womb. We didn't have the proper supplies to insert a catheter into her spine, so the epidural was out as was the spinal block. He didn't have the proper medication in any event.

General anesthetic would have to suffice, and as I had told Bella, Carlisle had plenty of morphine. I wished he still had some of the stronger medications he had used to sedate Jacob that spring, but morphine would just have to work.

If I gave her enough of it, the demon would be out and she would be on her way to transforming before she knew what I had done. There was no way the morphine would keep her under long enough that she wouldn't experience something of the three days' worth of burning agony that I planned on inflicting. The medication's effects on humans didn't last all that long, so she would probably feel most of it.

And if she did... I swallowed hard and insisted to myself that it was what she wanted.

I would cause her three days of excruciating pain, and then spend the rest of eternity attempting to make her feel the way she'd made me feel on our honeymoon. God knew I would have suffered a century's worth of the agony of transformation and felt it a small price to pay for the privilege of making love to her even once more.

The demon would be gone, dead and burned and the ashes scattered long before she woke. Human memories faded; perhaps she wouldn't even remember it. Perhaps she wouldn't even remember _me._ I shook my head. No, that was absurd. I remembered my human mother, and I remembered playing the piano. Surely she would know me when she woke. Surely she would still love me, as I still loved my mother, even after all this time.

As I went over the procedure in my mind, I tried to imagine what it would be like to slice open her stomach. There would be a lot of blood. I was no experienced surgeon. It wouldn't be like with Jacob, where Carlisle had been able to avoid the major veins and arteries. The venom would repair any damage I did, so my concern would be more about moving quickly than with her recovery. She wouldn't be surviving the surgery regardless.

I considered biting her first. Well, after injecting the morphine. That way, the venom would already be in the process of converting her before I began the operation.

I found myself worrying my lower lip. My history with observing operations wasn't without failures. Young and cocky, believing myself in control of the red-eyed monster and not the other way around, I'd nearly killed the first patient I'd observed as he went under the knife. The incident would also have ended in the deaths of the surgeons, the nurses, and any people unlucky enough to have been in the halls as I'd made my escape from the hospital. I shuddered at the painful memory.

Somehow, I'd stopped myself from biting the man and had run away - as I always seemed to do from my problems.

This time, I would be no passive observer, nor would I be the assistant. This time, if I ran, Bella would die. This time, I would be the one slicing my beloved's body open and spilling her blood. I was certain that, unlike in the past, my red-eyed monster was dead.

Not caged. Not tamed. _Dead_. Bella's death had killed him for good.

Still, bandaging a minor wound was one thing. Performing surgery, on the other hand, would expose her rich, flowing blood. Add to that the knowledge that I would be tasting it when I bit her, either before or after the surgery, possibly both, and I worried that my instincts could overcome my reason.

Carefully, I called up the memory of the time I'd tasted her. I'd done more than taste her; I'd _drunk_ her blood. Oh, and she had tasted divine! _Exquisite._ Like liquid perfection, or drinking Heaven itself. More pure and sweet - even with the morphine and James's venom polluting her system - than anything I'd tasted before or since. She'd been rich and complex, flowery and lightly salty, a combination of freesia and lavender with a hint of strawberry and copper, and _so hot,_ and yet the heat had cooled the fire in my throat like nothing else ever had, and as her blood had spread through my body, her warmth had too, and the wet pulsing of her beating heart had echoed in my ears and mouth and -

"Hey!"

I opened my eyes to find Jasper standing over me. His hands were trembling and his eyes were a flat black. "What?"

"What the Hell are you doing?"

Abruptly aware that the fire raking through my throat was an echo of his, I realized he'd been carried along on my emotional memory of drinking Bella's blood. I was in complete control, with no temptation to go into the living room and drink her, despite feeling his thirst. Smiling with my victory, I _knew_ that I'd be able to save her, to remove the demon, to bite her, and to _not_ drain her.

"Jesus," he said with a shaky voice. He turned away from me, and began to pace the office while repeatedly running his hands through his hair. "I don't know what you were doing, little brother, but don't ever do that again."

"Alice," I called.

A second later, she appeared in the office with us, her mouth dropping open at the sight of her agitated husband. "What happened?" _I hate not being able to see! I shouldn't have to ask that question!_

"You should take Jazz hunting."

"What happened?" she repeated angrily.

"Nothing. He's just a little thirsty is all."

"That wasn't nothing! You were - I don't even know, but... Damn it, Edward!" He glared at me, furious that I was still smiling grimly. His chest started heaving, and I realized that he was sucking in lungfuls of Bella's scent from where she rested in the living room.

 _"Alice!"_ I hissed in alarm.

"Jasper! Jazz, hey! Hey, look at me! Calm down. Shhh." Alice forced him to meet her eyes, and we could see him calming as soon as he did. She grabbed his hand and started to lead him toward the door.

Moving with all the speed of which I was capable, I blocked the doorway. "Alice! Not _this_ way. Take the window." I rolled my eyes, unused to having to guide my psychic sister. Getting rid of the demon would change everything back to normal. I couldn't wait until it was gone.

After they'd left, Emmett grinned at me and asked, "So, what _were_ you doing?"

Smirking, I sat back down and turned to the section on cesarean deliveries. I felt that most of what was in the text didn't really apply to our situation. The book focused on making the incision as small as possible, on avoiding unnecessarily causing an unsightly scar, on carefully cutting away layers of skin, fat, muscles, and membranes to avoid slicing through either the major artery that ran down the length of the uterus or through the child within.

I _wanted_ the fetus dead and if I thought a scalpel would penetrate it, would likely have stabbed it as soon as I wrenched it from her body. As it was, I'd have to administer the morphine, give it time to spread, start a fire, bite her, and only then begin the operation to remove the parasitic growth.

What was more, I'd have to do all of that _before_ my family could stop me.

I looked through Rosalie's eyes to confirm that she was still reclining on the floor at Bella's feet while they talked about children. Bella was sucking on a frozen popsicle Esme had made in the hopes that the slow ingestion of the treat would ward off the vomiting. Rose was telling her about _Calgary_ of all things, but at least my sister didn't seem to be relating how our stay in the city had ended; she was telling her only of the antics of the kids in the children's ward and the first time she and Esme had attempted to make popsicles for them, just like the one Bella was enjoying.

It was soothing to me to hear Bella's laughter, even if it was a weak shadow of her former vigorous giggles.

Rosalie would be a problem. She never left Bella's side. I wondered if she had suspected the lengths to which I was about to go before I had ever considered them. Maybe I should act _now._ Carlisle had just left for the hospital with the latest samples of Bella's blood to be tested. Jasper and Alice were out hunting, and Emmett was occupied with his book. Esme was reading too - a cookbook. I rolled my eyes in frustration. She wasn't even reading about food for Bella, but how to prepare _baby_ food!

I'd gleaned as much from the perinatal text as I was going to get. Carlisle didn't have many of the specialized pieces of equipment it mentioned. No matter. I would grab her and sprint into the forest, injecting the morphine as I ran. She'd probably be unconscious before comprehending that I'd scooped her from the couch. I was faster than anyone else in my family, and they would never catch me so long as I kept moving. The trouble would be doing what needed to be done once I had stopped.

Perhaps I should wait on the fire. Grab her, then the morphine, then bite as I ran. That way, once I stopped to cut it out of her, by the time Rose or any other member of my family caught me, it would be too late. Bella would already be in the process of transforming, and the fetus would not survive away from her body for long.

Yes, forget all the supplies; they didn't matter. It was speed and stealth that I needed. Morphine and a scalpel and my own venom would be my only tools.

My plan solidified in my mind. Grab my Bella, inject the morphine, bite her as I ran far and fast, cut it out of her, use my venom to repair the damage I would do, and _then_ build the fire. Rip the demon apart if necessary while I waited on the fire to take hold so that I could feed the thing that was sucking the life out of my Bella to the flames, piece by piece.

Carlisle had moved all of the medical supplies into one room. It had the exam table, the x-ray and ultrasound machines - not that they'd done any good - all of his medications and bags of IV fluids - not that _they_ were doing any good, either! - scalpels, scissors, hemostats, and needles. Everything which Carlisle had thought to bring home the week before was in the room beside mine, waiting uselessly for a surgery that would never be performed.

Well, I was done with waiting!

It was time for action, and with only Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett in the house with me, now was the best time. Esme and Emmett weren't in positions to stop me. Only Rose was directly in the way. I wondered if she'd placed herself at Bella's feet deliberately. Again, it seemed to me that she had known what I was planning before I had conceived of the idea.

How could I get around her? Reach over the back of the couch to snag Bella? That might hurt her and would take too long, besides. The side? Same problem. Grab Rose instead? I could hurl her across the room, and scoop Bella up in the same motion.

No. Taking action to save my own wife was one thing. Actively planning an attack on my sister was another. No one in my family would ever forgive me, and rightly so. I doubted I'd be able to lure her away from Bella's side. Not grab, then. Push. If I just shoved her aside, hurled _myself_ at her, and used my speed and the force of my body to knock Rosalie out of the way, I wouldn't have to lay my hands on her.

Somehow that didn't really seem all that much better.

Or maybe I could time it so that Bella wasn't even on the couch. Surely she would need to get up to use the bathroom soon. With them side by side as they walked, Bella would be accessible and I wouldn't even have to do anything other than avoid my sister.

Yes, that would be best. But... what if she didn't have to go before one of the others got back? I had already decided that I was done with waiting. Though Jasper and Carlisle agreed with me that the demon child was dangerous, and Alice hated not being able to see because of it, if Carlisle wasn't willing to help me, I couldn't count on anyone to do anything but stand in my way. It was better to act now.

 _Right_ now.

With determination filling my body, I stood and replaced the book. Striding through the house toward the stairs, I closed my ears to the soft call of my name as Bella saw me walk past. If I had stopped, I was sure something of my plan would have been evident to Rosalie. She already suspected me as it was.

I went into my room, making sure that my movements could be heard. Lingering only for a moment, I retraced my steps down the hall, but this time I tread lightly, not daring to breathe, for fear that my sister would hear the flow of air and know where I was and what I was doing. The door to the makeshift exam room stood open, and I crept over to the cabinet where Carlisle had the needles, syringes, and vials of morphine. I drew up enough of the drug to knock her unconscious and snagged a scalpel.

All of my thoughts were focused on Rosalie's mind. Straining to pick up any sound that I might make, or any image in her mind that would indicate her suspicion that I was taking action, I closed my eyes and watched as she continued to talk to Bella about the demon's non-existent potential.

 _There!_

Rose glanced at the stairs I had just climbed, but made no other indication that she suspected what I was about to do. I returned to my room and carefully slid open the glass door that led to the balcony that ran around the house. Listening through Rose's ears for any creaking, I descended the stairs to the back porch.

Noiselessly sliding the backdoor open, I stole back into the house and ghosted closer to where my beloved wife sat. My weight was balanced on the balls of my feet, my muscles coiled to spring into action as soon as Bella was in view. I felt like I was hunting her, and it felt _wrong_ , but saving her could never be anything but right.

I paused, just out of view, watching through Rosalie's eyes for the best opening. She shifted slightly and pictured my face as I had walked past them a few moments earlier. I'd been right about her suspicions. She might not have known what I was planning, but she knew that I was up to _something._ She was listening for me, cocking her ear in the direction of my room. She shifted into a low crouch and angled herself toward the stairs and away from the hall where I waited.

Her attempt at placing herself more fully between where she suspected me to be and where Bella reclined put just that bit more distance between us instead. The opening I'd been looking for appeared between myself and Bella.

 _Now!_

I hurled myself into the living room, planning on scooping Bella into my arms, springing over the back of the couch in the same fluid motion, and sprinting with every ounce of my speed and strength away from my home within a single second. _Less_. I didn't think that even Rose would have been able to see me move.

Before I had taken two strides, I was tripped and tackled to the floor. The syringe and scalpel flew from my hands and went skittering across the carpet, coming to rest by the couch while my arms were twisted behind me by the blond fury on my back. Two iron hands secured them into place while another set of hands gripped my legs as my sister lay across them, pinning me underneath her body.

 _ **"No!**_ No, no, no, nonono, _no!"_ I roared as I writhed in their grip, even knowing that it was too late. The element of surprise was lost. But then, when had I ever been able to surprise Alice? Even so, I fought against her and Jasper, not caring that I could hear and feel my skin tearing as he kept my arms twisted behind my back.

Rosalie pivoted toward me with her arms spread in front of Bella, staring at me in surprise and outrage. Esme and Emmett appeared in the doorways, drawn from their rooms by the sound of three vampire bodies crashing to the floor together.

"Emmett!" Alice squeaked just before I managed to kick her away, earning a growl from Jasper and a tightening of the hands on my arms.

Breaking out of his shock, Emmett threw himself toward me at the same time as I wrenched one arm free. Alice grabbed for my legs again while I attempted to get them under me. Jasper concentrated on keeping ahold of the one arm still in his hands, and Emmett wrapped his huge hands around the one I'd freed. Alice was sitting on my legs, Jasper on my back, Emmett leaning against the shoulder of the arm he held, and all of them were still barely containing me.

A ferocious snarl erupted from my chest over the sounds of my tearing skin. I felt stronger due to my fear of losing Bella than I'd even felt in my newborn days. There was no way I would allow them to stop me!

Esme was shouting for us to stop fighting, Rosalie was screaming, encouraging our siblings to contain me, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were grunting as they repeatedly tried to tell me to quit struggling, but I couldn't give up. I _wouldn't!_ Writhing beneath them, I managed to buck Jasper off my back though he didn't release my arm, and I kicked Alice away again.

Rose's arms were spread, and her lips pulled back from her teeth, but she didn't leave her position in front of Bella. Esme came to Alice's rescue, and with one brother on each arm, my mother securing one leg, and my pixie sister the other, I was finally immobilized. Even if I did manage to win my way free from the others, I was sure to have an even worse fight on my hands in trying to get past Rosalie.

"Stop! What are you doing? Wait, don't hurt him. _Edward!"_

Rose blocked Bella from coming to me, but her words cut through the others' to reach me at last. My name on Bella's tongue was all that I could hear. I looked up and met her eyes. She was using all of her pitiful strength to push against Rosalie's arms so that she could come to me, but with the way I'd been thrashing against my family, if she had reached me, she surely would have gotten hurt.

I slumped to the floor in defeat. No longer struggling against them, now I struggled to hold in my cries. "Let - let me go. I - I have to - I have to - _Please!_ I have to save her! I have to - I can't - I can't..."

"Rose," Bella whispered, laying a hand on the arm held protectively in front of her.

My sister lowered her arms, but hovered close as Bella knelt by my head. One by one, my family members released me, and I reached for the fragile human girl who held my heart. A high pitched moan escaped me as I pulled Bella carefully against me. My arms wound around her just above where the demon grew, and I shifted her onto my lap, burying my face in her hair.

She felt so slight in my arms! She'd always been delicate and breakable, but the creature within her was stealing what little physical strength she possessed. Though I wanted to crush her tightly against me, I barely dared to touch her.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and stroked my hair. She whispered my name and meaningless reassurances while I gasped and shuddered in her embrace.

How many more times would I get to hold her before she died? How many more times could I tell her I loved her before it killed her? Her frailty was so obvious as I cradled her against me, and it wouldn't be much longer before her body gave out. We were supposed to have had eternity together. Now, I doubted we would have another week.


	27. Visitor

**27\. Visitor**

Carlisle came home not long after. It was immediately apparent to him that there had been a scuffle. Everyone was gathered in a circle around where Bella and I held each other on the floor. I could have scooped her up and tried to run at any point, but I wouldn't have made it past them, and I knew it. Finally managing to stop shivering in her arms, I did scoop her into mine, but only so that I could deposit her back onto the couch. I couldn't let her go, and sank down to kneel on the floor with my head in her lap while she combed her fingers through my hair.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked.

"Your idiot son tried to run off with Bella! Look!" Rosalie brandished the scalpel and syringe at him before whirling to glare at me. "How _dare_ you, Edward? It's bad enough that you won't support her decision to keep your child, that you call her baby a demon or a thing, but this is way past unsupportive. What were you going to do? Cut her baby out of her and pray that she lived long enough afterwards for you to change her? You should have been praying that she didn't rip you apart in a newborn fury. If she didn't, I would have!"

"Rosalie," Carlisle chided her sharply. "We are a family; we do not hurt each other."

"Oh, but it's perfectly fine for him to force her to abort her baby!"

"I never said that."

"There comes a point, Carlisle, when your passivity becomes enablement."

"And there comes a point when support and encouragement become goading and badgering."

"She's not!" Bella protested. "Carlisle, I want my baby."

He shook his head. _Edward should not have been stopped._

My head snapped up at those words. _"Now?_ Now you agree with me? Now that it's too late?"

"Your methods were wrong, son," he said before turning his eyes to Bella's. "But his aim was not. Bella, the fetus is killing you. However much longer you can hold on is not going to be enough to deliver a living baby. Your heart is dying; it is working too hard. You have been trying to hide it, but I would be willing to bet you have been having chest pains."

She didn't need to answer; the expression on her face told us all that he was right.

"And trouble breathing at times?"

Bella pulled her lower lip between her teeth, but not before I saw it begin to tremble.

He gestured with the papers in his hands. "You can lie to yourself, but your body cannot lie to me. It is only a matter of time - and not much of it - before your arrhythmia degenerates into cardiac arrest."

If I wasn't already past the point of terror, his words would have pushed me there. Regardless of whatever else happened at the demon's birth, her heart had to remain beating in order for her to make the change. "So give her digoxin," I said. "Blood thinners. Beta blockers. Or any of the myriad other medications you give heart patients."

He sighed. "I brought some home with me, but treating the symptoms will not cure the disease."

"Her baby is _not_ a disease!" Rosalie exclaimed with a snarl.

"No. But cardiomyopathy and pre-eclampsia are. Bella, your body already is not getting the nutrients that it needs, and now your heart is having a hard time moving what little I am managing to get into you through your system. I will give you what I brought, but I do not know how much good they are going to do. The best thing for you - for the whole family, Bella - would be for you to allow me to remove the fetus."

"No!" She pulled away from me and hugged her knees to her stomach protectively. Her head shook back and forth with a vigor that I was sure was fueled by fear just as my strength earlier had been.

"Bella, I am trying to understand your decisions, but I have to admit that I am failing."

"Carlisle!" Esme gasped. "You know how Rosalie and I have longed for a child! How can you not understand her need to have a baby of her own?"

"Dearest, you and Rosalie have always wanted children. Bella has not."

"I do now," Bella said.

"Why?"

A growl erupted from both Rosalie and Esme's chests at the same time. They both began shouting at him and their accusations of chauvinism and a lack of understanding of the women he'd lived with for most of a century made me stare at them in surprise. I'd heard Rosalie rage at him on many occasions, but _Esme?_ Certainly they had argued before, but never like this.

He listened without comment for a full minute before holding his hands up and silencing them with a single word. "Enough."

They visibly attempted to control their anger toward him as Jasper did everything he could to remove the negative emotions we were all broadcasting. I refrained from commenting. I'd made my arguments and had them rejected. If Carlisle could succeed where I had failed, it was surely to be without my interference - especially after what I had just tried to do.

"You mistake the meaning of my question. This whole family is well aware of your feelings on the matter, Rosalie, myself included. If this was either of you risking your lives for a child, I would not wonder why. If necessary, I would sacrifice my life for any of yours, so please, believe me when I say I understand.

"Esme, dearest, I wish it were possible for me to give you a child. I have done so in the only way of which I am capable," he gestured toward myself and my siblings, "though I know it is not the same thing. But I reiterate, it is what you have both always wanted."

He turned to address Bella, who was still wrapped protectively around the demon within her. "Bella, what I wished to know was why you are choosing to sacrifice everything you have ever claimed to want for something which you never have. The fetus you carry endangers all our lives. If you had any wish for a child, you should not have agreed to marry Edward. Jacob Black could have given you many children, or any other human man could have. You have always claimed to want my son, and to want eternity to spend with him. With _us_. This," he pointed at her growing stomach, "will cost you all of that. Why the change?"

"I haven't changed. I still want those things. I still want to be a member of this family, and I still want Edward." Bella brushed a hand along my cheek. "I always will."

"Then help me to understand why you are giving them up."

"I'm not."

His forehead furrowed. "You truly believe you will survive?"

"Yes, I do." Despite its roughness, Bella's voice rang with her conviction. "I can't explain why I believe that I'll survive, but I do. I can't live without Edward and wouldn't want to, and his baby is the same. I can't give him up. His baby is as necessary to my life as oxygen. More, because when Edward changes me, I won't need to breathe anymore, but I'll still need _him."_ She caressed her swollen belly and stroked a thumb across my cheek at the same time.

"Bella," I moaned. "How can you see so much, and yet be so blind? You're right. This... fetus," though I couldn't bring myself to say the word baby, I forced myself not to say demon or thing, "is exactly like me. But you have never seen me for what I am. I'm a monster, Bella, a vampire. Whether I'm alive or not, whether I have a soul or not, it doesn't change the truth. I am a demon, a killer, an unnatural creature that shouldn't even _exist_ , and the very fact that I do is a death sentence for you! Bella, Bella, please. Bella, I'm begging you. For once, just listen to me!"

"I'm not the blind one, Edward. You are."

"No, Bella, no. I see far too clearly what I've done to you. Carlisle sees it too, and he has science to back him up." I took her face in my hands, trying desperately to convince her to see reason. "Maybe you think I'm just afraid, or that I'm lying to myself or to you, I don't know. Maybe you're just too good to even be capable of seeing the evil around you. Maybe you think the existence of vampires and werewolves proves that magic rules our world, and not science or Fate or even God, but just because you believe you can survive this doesn't mean that you will. You could believe you can fly too, but that doesn't mean you'll sprout wings, no matter how angelic you are."

Bella smiled sadly and shook her head. "No matter how I try to tell you that you're not a monster, you continue to believe it, but that doesn't make it true. I've seen the magic, Edward. You are living proof that it exists. How can you tell me not to believe in it?"

"It's not magic, Bella. It's not. Disbelieve me if you wish, but what about Rose? She will tell you that what we are is far from magical."

"It does not matter. Our baby is a gift, and all it will take is his birth to prove it. Well, you'll see soon enough. I just wish you would at least try to believe with me until then."

"Bella, numbers don't require belief," Carlisle argued for me. "Good and evil, God, angels, demons, and the existence of souls, these are things that cannot be proven. I can prove to you that you are dying. I can prove that the only way to save you is to remove that which is killing you. I am a man of faith, but I am also a doctor. Please, Bella, let me take the fetus. Let me save you."

 _"No."_

I dropped my hands from her face and turned to sit on the floor with my back against the couch. "You are the most stubborn creature to have ever existed."

Bella chuckled weakly as she ran her fingers through my hair. "It helps that I'm right."

Carlisle sighed and pulled the medication he had brought from his bag. "At least let me do what I can, then."

Bella eyed the syringe in his hand with distrust and shook her head. "No. No more tests, no more medication. It's not helping anyway. After he's born, then you can change me. And if - " She swallowed hard. "If something should happen to me before then, you'll just have to do whatever you can to save _him_ instead. Right now, all I need is a little rest. Rosalie?"

I scooted over to make room and my sister slid her arm around the exhausted girl to help her climb the stairs up to the bed where she'd been sleeping since our return.

Bitterly, I muttered, "How did you know, Alice? You and Jasper left. Why did you come back when you did? You can't see it."

"No, but I can see you. And the farther from it that I am, the easier it is to see everything else. I saw you getting the scalpel and the medicine. I saw the look on your face. I _know_ you, Edward. It didn't take any vision to know what you were doing."

"Then you should also have known not to stop me! And Jasper, you know what a danger the... _fetus,"_ I said the word with a sneer, "will be. Why did you interfere?"

"I know how accurate Alice's visions are. She said you needed to be stopped, so I stopped you."

"Alice?" I glared at her.

"Jasper stopped you for all our sakes'. The fetus scares me, but when I saw you planning to kill it, well, it seemed to me that you were planning our deaths."

I frowned, seeing in her mind an image of our house replaced by a pile of charred rubble.

Jasper studied my emotions for a moment before asking, "Are you going to cause any more trouble?"

I shook my head.

He nodded and held his hand out to my pixie-faced sister. "I'm still thirsty. I only managed to catch a deer before we headed back. Coming, Alice?"

After they left, Emmett muttered something about finishing the book he'd been reading, and he left, too. Carlisle folded Esme into his arms, and they walked from the room murmuring words of apology to each other. I was left alone to sulk on the floor of the living room by myself.

I rested my arms on my knees and leaned my head back against the couch. There was nothing else for me to do. I had tried reasoning, pleading, arguing, bribing, and had even resorted to force to try and save the girl I loved. I was out of arguments, those I had expected to stand with me - or at the very least, not stand in my way - had actively betrayed me, and my only plan of action had been thwarted. Once before, my enemies had become my allies, but now my allies had turned against me.

Jacob could have given her children, just as Carlisle had said. They would have had the wolf gene, but none of the Quileute women suffered any ill effects from carrying _their_ babies.

Maybe I did have another action that I could take, I realized. I could enlist Jacob's help. The mutt's friendship with my Bella had long been a thorn in my side, but their relationship was my own fault.

If I wasn't above attempting to forcefully remove the demon from her, was there anything I wouldn't do to save her? I doubted it. Reaching out to the dog I had once hated seemed a much less drastic step than the one I had just attempted, and had the added benefit that mixing my future with his would be completely invisible to Alice. Whenever Bella had decided to go see him, she had disappeared.

Although that alone could tip her off. Well, I wasn't ready to decide to go, but I could make plans until then.

If I simply showed up on the reservation alone, would they bother to stop and talk or just rip me apart first? Jacob had believed I would kill her on our wedding night. If he saw me, I had little doubt he would not wait for me to explain myself. If I called first... no. This wasn't exactly something that could be discussed over the phone.

I didn't bother answering the house phone when it rang, certain that it would be Charlie. I heard Bella talking to him, and wished he'd waited a while longer; she needed the sleep he'd interrupted. Her lovely voice was rough with exhaustion and the constant vomiting. I ached to be able to care for her, to make everything better, to protect her from the death which I so clearly saw coming for her - for us - but despite all I could do, I was powerless.

The tiny, so-breakable, human girl who held my heart also held complete control over my entire family right now. I was one of the most powerful creatures on the planet, a predator more dangerous than any that had ever been born, with a mental gift that gave me an unparalleled advantage, but Bella's stubborn, irrational determination left all of my abilities useless.

Alice and Jasper didn't stay out for long. After they returned, I focused on my sister's mind and tried desperately to come up with another plan of action. Changing the future was never easy; it was hard to muster the determination required when I knew that I was not truly acting. I concentrated, focusing on the fact that if I were to come up with a viable plan, I would act on it right away.

I would fly to Florida and bring Renee to see her daughter. Maybe Bella would listen to her mother. Renee's clear eyes would be able to see what Bella's were somehow missing, and she would argue my case for me, surely. The image I saw in Alice's mind following that decision had been of grey-cloaked vampires watching our house burn.

Fine. If not Renee, then Charlie.

Same end result.

The Denali clan? They had personal experience with the consequences of the creation of an immortal child. But no. That decision led to Charlie and Renee wearing black and sitting in a church. My family was nowhere to be seen.

I kept making decisions, the various options wildly running through my mind, but each plan I conceived of ended badly. Alice ended up storming into the living room at one point to yell at me. Ignoring her words, I continued to watch her mind and make plans.

Perhaps if I went to the Volturi directly. If they didn't hear about it secondhand, maybe I could convince them to help and not to punish. The images following that decision had resulted in Jasper coming downstairs to yell at me. He'd felt Alice's fear, though she refused to tell him what it was from. Despite her silence, he knew I was at fault, for he'd heard her yelling at me earlier, he'd been feeling my whirling emotions as I made my plans, and when I'd seen her wearing a dark grey cloak, we'd both felt a stab of terror. Though I was unwilling to sacrifice my sister to the Volturi in my attempt to save Bella, that was beside the point when Charlie and Renee still ended up in the same church as before. There was no reason to take such a useless action.

And if I did nothing? If I simply stood by and watched her die? If I took no actions because there were none to take, what did Alice see as the result then? The future returned to the blur Alice despised. I guessed that in doing nothing, the creature would be born as planned, and the demon and what it would do to my family was unknowable.

 _And me?_ I wondered. When Bella died, what would become of me?

Though no image formed in my sister's mind, I could imagine own future only too easily and saw myself, my face twisted with pain as I stood on a mountainside. No, not a mountain. Throwing myself off a cliff - no matter how high - would only result in a dent in the Earth when I landed. At most, I would need to reattach a limb or two, but the fall would do me no true harm. The image in my mind wasn't of a mountain, but of a volcano. If the Volturi were not an option for my death, and I knew that throwing myself into a fire wouldn't do much good unless I were torn apart first, I was certain the Earth's molten core would be hot enough to end me.

I took a shuddering breath as I imagined that death far too clearly.

Twice in my existence, I had felt a burning pain and had believed myself to be in Hell. The first time had been during my transformation, when I'd burned for three days from Carlisle's venom, three days which had felt like years. The second time had been while I'd writhed under Jane's stare, and those seconds had felt like a century. But those experiences had been pleasant when compared with what I'd felt when I'd believed Bella to be dead. Carlisle's venom could have been a warm bath compared with the agony I'd felt when Rose had told me that Bella had thrown herself from a cliff. Jane's ability could have been a the heat of a gentle summer's day when compared with the knowledge that Bella had killed herself because of me.

And that had been before we'd been married, before she'd promised herself to me for eternity, before I'd experienced the gift of her love.

As I sat on the floor and tried - and failed - to use Alice's visions to change the future, I understood that no matter what I did, Bella's death was as certain as my own. The fire that raked through my veins in anticipation of her end could have been the real thing. I imagined that if Jane had smiled at me at that very moment, I wouldn't have noticed.

The rising sun found me sitting in the same position. The pain I felt never faded, yet it was but a taste of what was to come. I could barely stand to look at Bella, but when Rose placed her on the couch I was leaning against, I only needed one glance to see that the girl I loved was thinner, weaker, and that much closer to death. She smiled at me, but it didn't touch the worry in her eyes.

I groaned; the worry wasn't for herself, but for me.

"Bella?"

She looked up as Carlisle held out the phone to her.

"It's Charlie."

"Oh." She took the phone and attempted to clear her throat before placing it to her ear. "Hey, Dad."

"Bells, I gotta tell you, I'm goin' outta my mind over here."

She sighed. "I told you last night: I'm alright."

"You don't sound alright!"

"It's nothing, Dad, really. I'm just tired."

"Look..." He harrumphed and hummed, and I thought I could hear him shuffle his feet before he spoke again. "I mean no disrespect to Carlisle. He's a great surgeon, best doctor this town's ever had, but you need to be in a hospital! I made some calls last night, and there's this place in Seattle that specializes in unusual diseases. They said we should bring you in right away."

"I thought Carlisle explained that to you, Dad. It's better for everyone for me to stay put."

"You don't have a cold, Bells. Wouldn't it be better to seek out whatever help you can get? I've been doing some reading, and some of these South American diseases are really dangerous! Why that boy had to take you to someplace so remote is beyond me. What was wrong with Hawaii? Or the Bahamas? Wouldn't you have rather gone to Disney World than some _jungle?"_

"This isn't Edward's fault, Dad," she said firmly.

I heard a high moan escape me at those words and dropped my head into my hands. Of _course_ it was my fault! I felt her gentle fingers comb through my untidy hair and held back another moan.

"I know, I know. It's just... I'm worried about you, Bella."

"I'm feeling better, really. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I am."

"Listen, there's no reason why I shouldn't come over there. The station makes sure I'm up to date on vaccines, and all of _them_ are there, so it can't be that bad, right? I'll just come for a quick - "

"No! Charlie, you can't! They've all already been exposed, and - and Carlisle's worried Rose might have it now. So you can't come anywhere near us. He's all set up here, okay? They're taking good care of me, really, but when Carlisle told you no visitors, he meant it."

I heard Charlie's frustrated sigh.

"I've got to go, okay? I'll talk to you again tomorrow."

"Bella - "

"Tomorrow, okay?"

"Call me if anything changes, alright?"

"I will."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Dad."

"Anything at all."

"Sure, sure. Don't worry, 'kay?"

After she hung up with him, Bella curled into a ball on the couch and closed her eyes. Her jaw clenched, and she kept swallowing, and I thought it looked like she was trying desperately to keep down the breakfast that Esme had prepared for her.

My mother had been trying different recipes, experimenting with various foods and herbs that were reported to help with nausea. The previous night, she'd found a website devoted to cancer patients and the foods that had worked for them to combat the chemotherapy-induced nausea. She, Rose, and Bella had high hopes that she had found some things that would work. Despite the fact that she had kept this meal down longer than any other so far, I didn't dare to entertain the same hope.

Unable to sit still any longer I stood and began to pace behind the couch where Bella sat. My hands were pulling at my hair, and I could tell - even without Jasper's help - that my restless energy was making everyone nervous. They needn't have worried; all of my plans were fruitless. There was only one potential option available to me now: Jacob. Trying to convince myself that I should go _now_ , I watched Alice's mind for any indication that I would be going to see him, but her blurry images of our family included me in the living room as I was, staring at the girl I loved while she wasted away.

"This is not happening!" I moaned to myself as I paced. I repeated the words, but knew them to be lies each time I said them.

 _Edward!_ Jasper thought to me. _You're not helping matters._

I ignored him and my feet continued to take me back and forth. Abruptly, the future went blank, and Bella clutched at her stomach. I gasped and stopped my restless pacing, wishing desperately that I dared to take her into my arms as I wondered if the demon was about to tear its way free. According to her measurements, she wasn't what would be considered full term for a normal healthy baby, but there was nothing normal about the creature within her.

After a few minutes of panting, she relaxed and fell back against the couch cushions. Her face was covered in a fine layer of sweat. Whatever it was doing inside of her must have been causing her pain.

"Bella," I moaned. "Bella, please. Won't you please let Carlisle take it?"

She clenched her jaw and shook her head. After a few moments of deliberately steady breathing, she opened her eyes and looked around the room at my family. "Carlisle? How early can a baby be born and survive?"

"Although it is rare, some babies can live when born as early as twenty-two weeks into gestation, but that is with the help of a neonatal intensive care unit."

"And how far am I measuring now?"

"Your growth yesterday indicated a fetus at approximately twenty-five weeks, but... Bella, I have no way of knowing if that size truly relates to the fetus's physical development."

"So if you delivered him now, there's no way to be sure he'd live."

Carlisle shook his head slowly. "It most certainly would not. What I brought home was to help you through surgery. I am not set up for the care of a premature infant, and there is nothing which I can bring home to change that fact. Even if you delivered at my hospital and the fetus's growth did accurately reflect development, we would need to fly the baby to another hospital with the kind of specialized equipment such an early delivery would require."

"That scenario isn't exactly feasible if you want to avoid the Volturi's involvement," Jasper said with a growl.

"Then I'll just have to hold on until he's ready," she whispered. "I can do that."

"I do not think you can," Carlisle disagreed. "I can hear your heart struggling from here."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I can do this. I'll be fine."

"For another day or two? Maybe so. But, Bella, I doubt very much that you can survive for much more than that."

"But each day gives him a better chance, right?"

Carlisle sighed unhappily and pressed his lips together, but nodded in assent.

 _...hear me comin', but that's fine by me..._

"Jacob," I gasped, feeling relieved as I recognized the mental voice. I wouldn't have to seek him out. He had come here to see Bella on his own. The fire that had been raging through my veins faded slightly with the dawning hope that he could save her as he'd always done before.

 _...Oversized ego of his'll make him wanna fight me all by himself when he sees my plans to kill him and his coven..._

My relief turned to fury as he got closer and I saw and heard what was in his mind. He was coming here with the intention of killing my family!

 _Gonna just stroll in there, see Sam's precious evidence for myself and then challenge Edward to a duel... Parasite'll probably get a kick outta the theatrics..._

"What about him?" Bella asked with a frown.

 _...Finished with_ him _I'll take down as many of the others as I can before they can kill me... Sam even consider that provocation enough... Nah. Wouldn't wanna offend his bloodsucker BFFs. Just say I got what I deserved..._

"He's here." My fury evaporated. He thought I had changed Bella. How I wished that had been true! Though Bella was still alive, he didn't know it and was coming to take revenge by himself since, apparently, the others weren't going to.

Alice joined the rest of our family in the living room at my announcement. _Well, at least this explains why the future disappeared!_

Briefly, I wondered what had made him decide to come today, of all days. I decided I didn't really care what his reasons were. When he saw what Bella's condition was, heard what her plans were, he was sure to try to talk her out of it. _He'd_ see the dangers! _He'd_ never agree to what she had planned! My long-time enemy would surely be my ally in my fight for Bella's life.

As had always happened when Bella saw the mutt, her heart gave a jolt that told me that despite becoming my wife, Bella loved him still.

Rose hissed angrily. "What gives him the right to come to our home?"

"He's here to see Bella."

Jasper frowned at me. "Are you sure about that, Edward? He feels angry enough to commit a murder or two."

"That won't be necessary when he sees that Bella isn't quite dead, _yet."_

"Edward - " Esme began.

"It's just a matter of time and you all know it!" I growled at her before looking back at Bella. "And Jacob will know it too."

"This isn't any of his business," Rose said with a scowl.

"You're just afraid he'll be successful where I've failed."

"No. I'm afraid he'll add to her stress and she needs to be kept calm. And besides that, he's dangerous. I don't think I need to remind you what happened the last time Jacob Black was here."

"Jacob wouldn't hurt me," Bella disagreed.

Of course _he_ wouldn't. That honor was left to me, to Bella's husband.

Jacob had saved her when I had endangered her. He had never betrayed her as I had done when I'd left her. He told her the truth when I had lied to her again and again. He had soothed her hurts instead of caused them. He could have given her a real child, unlike my own killer spawn. Maybe he still could! Maybe... maybe I could convince her at last that being with me was wrong. She wanted a child, and she deserved a man that could give her one, not one that would steal it away by force. He deserved her when I never had.

"How many of his pack are with him?" Jasper was already thinking how best we could defend our house from the pack. _Do we have enough time to take precautions?_

"It's just him," I muttered.

Rose narrowed her eyes and her lips pulled back from her teeth. "He shouldn't be here."

Carlisle nodded. _Rosalie is correct about one thing at least, Bella needs to be kept calm. This visit is sure to upset her, and I am not sure how much more her heart can take._

Without a word, he strode for the front door. Like me, he heard the change in her racing heart.

Damn it! Bella was _my_ wife! I hated that, no matter what her words or actions, her body remembered her feelings for him. I hated knowing that she'd chosen death by choosing me. I could smell her hormones, and they reminded me of the way she'd smelled on our honeymoon - warm and sweet, like a girl in love.

I wished desperately that I had changed her already. I wished that, rather then get her pregnant, making love with me had resulted in her change as Carlisle had been afraid that it would. I even wished that I had bitten her that first night! I would have stopped myself from draining her, and then we could have made love again after her change. Again and again and again and again.

I had to hold back a sob as I wished for the future Alice had always promised me of Bella and I together for eternity. Since none of those were possible, I found myself wishing that she _had_ chosen him, instead. Even if it would have meant that she was not with me, at least it would have meant she would live.

The front door opened at the same time as Jacob's feet landed on the porch.

"Hello, Jacob. How are you?" Carlisle asked, his voice not betraying any of the worry that we'd all been feeling for the past week.

 _...too bad Edward didn't answer the door with his fangs out. Carlisle's just too human or something. Still planning on killing him if I can, but..._

At any other time, I would have laughed. I didn't have _fangs._ Could he have been any more absurd?

"I heard Bella made it back alive."

At the sound of his voice, Bella's heart stumbled and Carlisle glanced anxiously back in her direction.

"Don't let him in here!" Rose hissed at our father.

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time. Could we do this later?"

 _...really wanna postpone the death match 'til it's more convenient?_

"Why not?" Bella demanded. My Bella was fearless and stubborn, and she had never believed the wolves to be any more a danger to her life than I was.

But I _was!_

Somehow, she had to be convinced to leave me and go with him instead. He had always saved her before; he would have to be the one save her now, since I was incapable of doing so. I clenched my teeth together, trying not to scream. The fire in my veins returned, and I felt my face twisting with the knowledge that I was losing her. Even if I knew it was better for her to be with him than killed by the demon which I'd put inside her, the very idea was unbearable. But either way I was going to lose her and, as I had always known was the case, for Bella to live, I would do anything.

Unaware of what I was trying to resolve, Rose whispered to Bella, "The wolves would consider the creation of a new vampire of any kind to violate the treaty. We can't trust them."

"Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too?" she asked after considering Rose's answer for a moment. "What's the point?"

 _...maybe all new vampires sound hoarse..._

"The pack already distrusts us, Bella," Rose explained. "They're not going to understand any more than _he_ does." She jerked her chin at me.

Bella glanced at me and sighed sadly before calling, "Come in, please, Jacob."

 _...Bella be thirsty?_ "Excuse me," he said rudely to Carlisle. Jacob edged around my father and turned his back on him as he strode toward the living room where the rest of us waited. _...guess there's plenty of leeches 'round here to kill without him..._

Rose was right: I _didn't_ understand. It was obvious that the creature growing inside of her was a vampire. How did they not see what a threat to our family it was? Even putting Bella's certain death aside, we always strove to live in a manner that mimicked and protected the humans around us. The creature killing Bella went against everything it meant to be a Cullen. If it was just Rose, I might have understood, maybe even Esme. But Emmett? Jasper and Alice, too?

They all stood in a circle around me and Bella, hovering protectively as they waited for the werewolf to enter our living room.

* * *

 **A/N**

Hurrah! We've caught up with canon!

Better yet, I finished writing the pregnancy! YEAH! At last! Only a year later than when I thought I'd be done, but hey, I made it, that's what counts. What's really odd is how I'm posting this chapter, where Jacob's book begins, in the same week as I finished writing his book.

Now I get to write the third and final part of Breaking Dawn. *rubs hands in excitement* It may take me another year or two, but by golly, I AM finishing!

~L


	28. Alternatives

**28\. Alternatives**

I couldn't look away from Bella. For the first time in days, a faint blush colored her cheeks. I smelled Jacob's wolf stench, but didn't bother to glance at him or even listen to his mind. All I could see was Bella's lips curving into a smile. All I could hear was her heart, responding to his visit. It was thumping louder and harder, and I swore I could almost feel her pulse against my skin, even from where I stood.

Her distraction with the mutt made her lose her fight to keep her food down. As with every other time she'd eaten since the day I'd left her alone on the island, Bella paled and grimaced. Knowing what was coming, she looked for Rosalie and the bowl she had ready.

 _Damn_. I realized that, though I'd told myself not to, I had hoped anyway. My legs gave out, and I sank to my knees.

"Sorry about that," Bella said to him when she was done.

Ah, she was apologizing to him for getting sick? Always, _always,_ she took the blame upon herself! Afraid to touch her, but needing to anyway, I groaned and rested my head against her legs. Bella's soft hand brushed across my cheek, and I fought against the sobs that wanted to shake me again. She was the sick one, she was the one who was dying because of what I had done in my carelessness, and yet - true to her generous and caring nature - she was the one who was trying to sooth _me._

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob," she said with warmth in her voice.

Another groan escaped me at her words, and I clutched at the blanket which covered her. Even if she wouldn't acknowledge it, I was certain she knew how little time she had left. Of _course_ she would want to see the mutt she loved before she died. No doubt she thought she would convince him to love the thing as well.

And why not? Everyone else was supporting her choice. Though Carlisle argued with her, his refusal to act essentially had the same effect. Why should Jacob be any different? Hadn't he approved of the other risks to her life? He was the one she had gone motorcycle riding with, and never once had he thought to suggest she even wear a helmet! He was the one who had told her about cliff-diving as a recreational sport. But even through those risks, her life had only ever been truly threatened by me. Indeed, she had taken those risks _because_ of me!

"What is it, Bella?"

She didn't answer him. Instead, she continued to caress my cheek for a moment before saying, "Help me up, Rose?"

A low snarl rumbled in my sister's chest, but when Bella insisted, "Please, Rose?" she acquiesced. Bella's body shifted away from me as my sister helped her to stand.

"No. Don't get up," Jacob whispered.

"I'm answering your question," she snapped.

I tried to be glad that at least he was acknowledging her frailty and argued with myself. Yes, he had helped her to risk her life, but when the risk had had anything to do with vampires, he had done the opposite. He'd tried everything he could to win her from me, to protect her from me, to convince her that becoming what I was was a mistake. He might be reckless, but at least he knew the real threat when he saw it.

Rosalie pulled Bella to her feet, and without her support, I sank into the cushion where she'd been sitting. I buried my face in the place where she'd been, seeking the residual heat of her body, trying in vain to soak up even a tiny portion of her gentle warmth. Instead, I breathed in the scent of her that was permeating the couch.

I didn't need to look through his eyes to know what he was seeing, but I couldn't help hearing his reaction. He gasped in shock, his heart jolted. He made a choked noise, a kind of strangled groan in the back of his throat as he fought against the realization of Bella's condition. Through Jasper, I was aware of both his fear and his disgust.

 _No. It's not possible. ...can't be_ that _pregnant. But she_ is!

Though he was fighting it, his mind conjured an image of Bella's naked body entwined with mine. The two of us making love was definitely _not_ something he wanted to imagine, and he had known that had been our plan, but what seemed to make it worse for him was knowing that we _had._ The proof was in front of him in the form of Bella's distorted body.

 _...don't wanna see this... something I hate growing in the body of the girl I love... bad enough, but far, far worse... it's sucking her life from her to feed its own... it's no baby; it's a monster, just like its father. I always knew he would kill her!_

Even as the thought flowed through Jacob's mind, I felt a rage overtake me. He was right, of course, and I had always known it, too. Nevertheless, hearing the accusation in his mind came close to unhinging my own. I was on my feet without having made the decision to rise, and my muscles trembled as I stared down at him. He was kneeling on the floor as I had been and would have been an easy target had I given in to the desire to pound his self-righteous words right out of his head.

I saw myself in his mind as he glared up at me. Despite their furtive glances, my family had, for the most part, been avoiding really looking at me or meeting my gaze. Jacob felt no such constraints and stared right back into my eyes. I had fed only a few days ago, and they should still have been an amber at the least, if not the bright gold of our wedding day, but my stress and grief had leached all of the color from them, leaving my eyes as black and dead-looking as a shark's. It seemed rather fitting for the world's best predator.

Mastering my desire to end him right then and there, I snarled, "Outside, Jacob."

He rose swiftly to his feet. His hands trembling with the wolf that wanted to burst forth, he nodded his willingness and said, "Let's do this."

Emmett had never trusted the wolves and, despite our cooperation that spring, still held a grudge against the big grey one, Paul. Jasper had already been aware of Jacob's murderous rage before he had entered out house, and he felt the pain and fear and disgust rolling off the wolf as he saw what I had done to the girl we both loved. My brothers came to my defense, knowing how close he had come to attacking me at our wedding, and that was when Bella had still been glowing and vibrant with health, before I had planted the seed of her destruction.

 _Nu-_ uh! _Stupid mutt thinks he can just waltz in here and attack my brother? I don't think so!_

 _Got your back, Edward. Shall we send this dog away with his tail between his legs, or just remove his legs for him?_

 _...my pack'll clean up my scraps when they tear me apart? ...don't really care so long's I get to rip_ him _up first! ...huh, don't really wanna kill girls, even filthy leech girls... plenty here to kill without them, if the others don't kill me first. ...might make an exception for that blonde, though..._

"No," Bella said as she saw the potential for a deadly fight between us. The demon within her threw off her already dubious balance, and she staggered as she reached for me. Rosalie hovered protectively, her arms extended in case Bella should fall, but she caught herself on my arm. Her eyes were wide and full of fear, and her heartbeat increased in speed until it fluttered and thumped wildly.

"I just need to talk to him."

Bella needed to calm down! However much I might like to, I had no intention of attacking him. I _needed_ his help, and if anything could save her at this point, it was the werewolf who wanted me dead. I brushed my fingers against her silky cheek. It may not have turned pink with a swirl of blood like I was used to, but her skin was still as soft and smooth as ever.

Trying to convince her that neither of us would harm the other, I said, "Don't strain yourself. Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

She stared into my eyes for a moment, searching for - and apparently finding - reassurance. She nodded her acceptance and sank wearily back toward the couch. Rosalie caught her and guided her into her place, tucking a blanket around her legs. Bella looked toward Jacob and said sternly, "Behave. And then come back."

 _...not gonna promise anything today._

He didn't answer, but simply turned to follow me as I strode from the house.

 _...wasn't that hard to separate him from his coven, now was it? ...guess he'll know when I'm ready to attack him, which means I'm gonna have to make that decision very quickly..._

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black," I muttered. "You'll have to have a little patience."

 _...as if I care about his schedule._ "Patience isn't my specialty."

I could feel an echo of the fire in his bones and knew the wolf in him was begging to be allowed to pounce upon my unprotected back. He was holding the urge back, but it would only be a matter of time before he lost control of his form. I paced quickly down the long drive away from my house with the angry werewolf practically tripping on my heels. When we were beyond where my family could hear us, I stopped.

I felt my control slipping away as I tried to come up with the words that needed to be said. He _had_ to save her! Bella _had_ to live; that was what was important, what had always been important. It was why I had left her the year before. It was why I had allowed my family to fight the army without me. It was why I had tried - albeit not very hard - to convince her to choose him when she finally admitted to us both that she loved him. Bella could not be allowed to die! The resolve to save her in whatever way I could firmed within me, and I spun to face the boy who was my last hope.

An expression of shock crossed his features as he took in the look on my face. My barely contained composure had failed me, and if it were still possible, I would have had tears streaming from my eyes. I ran a shaky hand across them, but there was nothing to wipe away.

How could I form the words I needed to say? Would they even do any good? I had very recently been reminded of exactly how stubborn my Bella was on the night we had finally made love a second time. Over the past week since we'd come back home, that knowledge had been confirmed over and over as she foiled every one of both my and my father's attempts at persuasion and reason.

Well, what I was about to suggest was far from reasonable. If my plan from the previous day had been reprehensible, surely this one was only slightly less shameful. It was just as painful for me to try and imagine the wolf with my wife as it had been for him to imagine her with me. I loved her more than anything, more than my own worthless life. Even if I _was_ alive, what meaning would my life have without her in it? The wolf could save her, if I could just convince him to try. I opened my mouth to say the words, but nothing would come out.

The shock on his face faded and was replaced by one of dread and grief. He found his voice before I found mine. "It's killing her, right? She's dying."

 _...happening too fast! ...lost her so many times, in so many ways... even if she was never mine to lose. This wasn't_ my _fault!_

As if he had spoken the accusation out loud, I felt the truth in his words. "My fault," I agreed in a whisper. Of _course_ it was my fault.

What had I been thinking? Vampires weren't supposed to mate with humans! We were made to kill them, not to love them. Surely there was a reason why they were our prey, why those few who did fall for a human turned them before mating with them, why it had taken the Denali sister centuries of practice to not kill the human men they loved, why the predator I'd killed in Seattle had killed every woman he'd bedded. Vampires weren't compatible with human life. We were a different species. Lions and lambs simply weren't meant to fall in love.

And I had dared to think that God had forgiven my sins! Surely there could be no greater punishment than giving a man exactly what he wanted. Surely falling in love with a human and then slowly watching her die was proof that I could never atone for the murders I had committed. Surely giving in to the temptation to love her had only added to my sins. For a moment I thought it would have been better if I had given in to my monstrosity her first day in school, rather than force her to suffer this slow, starving death.

Unable to support myself, I fell to my knees and gripped the dirt with my fingers. It was all I could do not to start screaming, but when I spoke again, my voice was a mere whisper. "Yes. Yes, it's killing her."

 _...want a fight, not an execution. Where's his smug superiority now? Wait a minute, this is ridiculous..._ "So why hasn't Carlisle done anything? He's a doctor right?"

Sighing, I gained a hold on my pain. It wasn't important, didn't matter. Only Bella's life mattered. I raised my head to look at the boy who had always saved Bella and explained, "She won't let us."

 _...Oh, ugh. Jeez. Of_ course _she'd want to die for the monster's spawn. That's so_ Bella.

"You know her so well," I acknowledged, bitterly. "How quickly you see... I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened - that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was _resolving._ Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's!" I exclaimed in fury. "And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet _you_ understand after one second..."

I groaned. As if I had needed more proof that the wolf belonged with her and I didn't, he showed his understanding of _my_ mate within a heartbeat, where I'd had to have Bella's reasons practically spelled out for me.

"Just back up a second. She won't _let_ you. Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs."

Shocked to hear my own plan repeated back to me, I whispered, "I wanted to. Carlisle would have..." I trailed off. My father had been all for removing the thing, was still trying to persuade her to allow it, but when Bella had convinced him that doing so was murder, he had been unwilling to proceed. At least, not until and unless she gave her permission.

 _...noble murderers? There's a first..._

"No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things."

 _...oh. That's what Blondie's up to. What's it to her? ...the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

"Maybe. Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way." I shook my head, frustrated. Rosalie had been jealous of Bella from the start, and had been willing to kill her to protect our family, but her actions didn't feel malicious to me, nor to Jasper. Selfish, yes, but hateful? No.

"So take the blonde out first," he said harshly. I saw him imagine me tearing my sister apart with a wicked grin on my face. "Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."

He didn't see us as a family and couldn't know that - despite all of our arguments and differences - I loved my sister, and she loved me. But to hear the mutt talk so callously of attacking her wasn't the worst part. The worst part was: if I had thought that plan would work, I may just have done so, would probably _already_ have done so. The physical damage would be easily fixed - although she would surely have been furious at the thin scars that would have been left - but the emotional damage an attack of that kind would have caused my family would've been irreparable.

Even so, Jacob regarded me as a monster already - and I _was_ \- so what difference would one more monstrous action have made, so long as Bella lived? Giving him an excuse that he would understand, I said, "Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us... and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it..."

My voice faded away as I thought of the look on Carlisle's face as he denied my request. He'd known the consequences of his refusal, and I'd seen how heavily they'd weighed on him, but he had to consider not just his own actions and how they would affect me and Bella, but also how it would have harmed _his_ mate. How it would have harmed the rest of the family. The grief in his eyes had been clear, and I saw now that he knew there wasn't any way that he could save all of us. Any actions he took would destroy our family.

Bella had to be convinced to change her mind. That was the only way to keep us whole.

"You should have left her with me," he growled.

"Yes," I sighed. I should have tried harder to convince her to go to him! After she'd spent the night crying for him in my arms, I had known how much she loved him. I chose to ignore the fact that she claimed to love me more. It could have been enough if she had let it. She could have stayed human and had the child she now wanted so desperately.

 _...should have thought about that before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster..._

If I'd had any idea that it had been possible, didn't he think I would have taken action to prevent it? Probably not, I realized. He had never understood how much I loved her. He thought me a selfish creature - and, again, I _was_ \- and wanted Bella only for my own pleasures with no consideration of hers, but it was her pleasure I'd enjoyed as much as my own. For a moment, my mind was overwhelmed with the memory of the pleasure we'd shared on the island together. How desperately I wanted to make love with her again, even now!

"We didn't know," I tried to explain. "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us - "

"When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?" he interrupted me.

That had been what he'd believed would happen our wedding night, and with good reason. "Yes. They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one _survives._ " I shook my head in horror at the memory of just how close his belief had come to being reality.

 _...like he's any different..._ The revulsion was plain in his voice when he spoke again. "I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are."

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

 _Wrong!_ He imagined, vividly, himself as a wolf, ripping my head off and throwing it into a fire.

"Killing me now doesn't save her."

"So what does?"

There was only one thing. Him. He could save her. "Jacob, you have to do something for me."

"The _hell_ I do, parasite!"

"For her?"

That set him back slightly, but seemed to anger him further. His teeth clenched together and he growled, "I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It's too late."

"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand. You are a part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this..." My throat closed as the memory of Bella caressing her bruised stomach with a proud smile filled my mind. She, the most frail and fragile human I'd ever met, believed herself to be strong enough to mother a monster. And why not? She had married one! She didn't see it, but Jacob did. I insisted, "She might listen to you."

"Why would she?" _...never has before..._

I lurched to my feet, determined to _make_ him save her. I had to convince him that he could convince her! She wanted a monster's baby, well, he could give her one!

 _...can vampires lose their minds?_

I saw the way I looked to him, the way I'd looked in Alice's visions. My eyes were black and wild, and my expression deranged. I looked like a crazy person. "Maybe. I don't know. It feels like it."

I'd never met an insane vampire before, but if I wasn't, then surely I was about as close to madness as it was possible to come. Watching Bella happily starve to death had me more frantic than I'd been when James had had her. Bella's impending death while I stood by and did _nothing_ felt worse than when I'd believed her already to have committed suicide because I'd left. At least then, I'd had an end to my pain in sight: my own death. This pain, coupled with what I was about to ask, was just growing, getting worse with each passing second.

"I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder." I shook my head, since I was failing that, too. "But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

He eyed me skeptically. "I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that, too."

"You can offer her what she wants."

A hint of confusion crossed his face. _...part of the crazy?_

"I don't care about anything but keeping her alive," I insisted to us both. Bella was _mine!_ But what good would keeping her from him do me when she was dead? "If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants."

His eyebrows drew together, and I knew he didn't understand what I was trying to tell him. If I had to spell it out for him, so be it.

"She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

It took a second for my words to sink in, but when they did, his mouth dropped open in shock.

As soon as I knew he understood, I pressed him, "But not this way! Not this _thing_ that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it _hurting_ her."

I gasped at the memory of her pain-filled face while the demon I'd planted bruised her from within. But just like when _I'd_ bruised her, she dismissed her own safety. I had learned from my mistake, but the demon within her just kept adding to the bruises, and as its strength grew, it would continue to hurt her worse and worse.

"You _have_ to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity - encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting _it._ Bella's life means nothing to her."

A garbled sound came from him and his eyes were bugging out. ... _What?! Have a baby with_ me?! _How? ...giving her up? Or think she won't mind being shared?_

I could hear the revulsion in his mental tone, but also the longing. If she were willing, so would he be, I was certain. "Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive."

"That's the craziest thing you've said, yet."

"She loves you," I insisted. Though the words tore at me as they always had, the pain they caused was nothing compared with the knowledge that I was killing her.

"Not enough."

"She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme."

His lips curled in disgust. "Don't you know her at all?"

He was right. He connected with her and understood her so well, while I had always been left floundering. I'd considered myself a fairly insightful person before meeting the one person who's mind I couldn't hear. I wondered if, without my gift, I'd have been as clueless about everyone I met, or if it was just _her._

"I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense," I begged.

 _...No. This is impossible. Wrong._ Sick. _What's he planning? For me to borrow her on the weekends and return her Monday like some movie rental? That is so messed up._

 _...and so tempting..._

I didn't want to see the images I'd planted in his mind, but if it worked, I knew that the imagined pictures would hold none of the power his memories of the two of them as lovers would have. He imagined her wrapped in his embrace the way she'd been wrapped in mine, and I could hear his mind conjuring the sound of her voice whispering his name in his ear.

The fire within me felt hot enough that I should burst into flames where I stood, but I didn't let any of what I was feeling show. Bella's condition was my fault and I would pay any cost to undo my mistake.

The image of the two of them together changed into one that was similar to the one of her which tormented me now: Bella's body swollen with child. Only, with _his_ baby, the change would be natural and gradual. She would glow with the life that grew inside of her, rather waste away because of the one that was sucking her life from her. Her body's changes would be healthy, and she would blossom and grow rounded, her small breasts would swell in preparation of feeding the infant.

How often had I imagined her body rounded with my child? If I had been a normal man, I doubted I would ever have seen a more beautiful sight. That one was growing in her now was all the more horrifying _because_ I had wanted it! But the creature was like a disease, and her body knew it, even if _she_ didn't. Her body's immune system was trying to fight it off, reacting to the foreign thing as it would to any parasite, but it wasn't strong enough to kill it, just like she wasn't strong enough to survive it.

Jacob's child though, would have been a beautiful thing, I was sure, and not a monster like mine - like me. It would have had his strength and resilience, with her chocolate eyes and chestnut hair, and his dark skin tone. Unlike the unnatural pale and dead coloring of a vampire, the wolf's child would have been a deep, rich brown, the color Bella had once told me was her favorite because it was so warm.

I felt a new pain twisting inside of me. If she loved the brown and the warmth so much, _why_ had she chosen the pale and the cold?

"Make _Bella_ see sense?" His voice cut through the painful images in our minds. "What universe do you live in?"

I almost smiled to hear my words repeated back to me. "At least try."

He shook his head in negation, but I could see his desire in the images that were still in his mind. "Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?"

"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn't know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn't listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition... it changes so fast. The thing is... growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now."

His lips curled with revulsion. "What _is_ it?"

"None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already."

The image in his mind changed from Bella's glowing rounded body to an imagined picture of the demon creature within her. It had fangs and claws and red eyes, and with its every movement, he imagined that it was tearing and breaking her from the inside.

I held back a shudder at how close to reality this image surely was. "Help me stop it. Help me stop this from happening."

 _"How?_ By offering my stud services?" He flinched at the words, and I saw the pain on his face.

I gazed back at him evenly, not letting the pain that the thought caused me to show. If he was successful in convincing Bella to allow Carlisle to remove the demon, and she and Jacob did have sex, I would be fighting the need to rip him to shreds the entire time. And worse, most men didn't get a woman pregnant their first time together. How often would I have to allow it?

And then, I would also have to take the chance that in being with him, she'd realize that he was the one she _should_ be with. He'd made her realize that she loved him with a single kiss. What would sex with him do?

Only the knowledge that it would save Bella's life made the thought remotely bearable.

"You're really sick. She'll never listen to this."

"Try," I insisted. "There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

 _...it would hurt me. Hasn't Bella rejected me often enough?_

"A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?" I addressed the question to both of us. Did he think that her rejection could hurt him half as much as her acceptance of what I proposed would hurt me?

"But it won't work."

"Maybe not," I acknowledged. "Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need."

"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?" His tone was derisive. I could imagine he thought I would be capable of such a thing, and why not? Hadn't I lied to Bella often enough already?

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I won't rescind," I assured him.

 _...Bella'll break her hand punching me again... can't believe I'm even considering this... should just kill him now!_

"Not now," I said in a whisper. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me."

He flashed all of his bright, white teeth at me. "You won't have to beg long."

The threat was reassuring. "I'm very much counting on that."

"Then we have a deal." _...when she dies, so do you._

I nodded and offered him my hand, unsure if he would actually shake it or not.

Jacob pressed his lips together and wrinkled his nose, but gripped my hand in his.


	29. Choices

**29\. Choices**

 _...runner-up werewolf about to ask the vampire's wife to shack up and procreate. Nice. Man, this is so twisted. And_ wrong! _No. I'm not gonna do it. I'll talk to her, but I'm not about to suggest - what he said. I'll just forget that nonsense... but I'll try. I'll try and make her listen. And she won't... go far enough the others couldn't hear?_

That Jacob was willing to fight with her for her life was the most that I could have hoped for. It was more than most of my family had done. If he made the offer, and she accepted it, so be it. At least it would mean she would live. If he made the offer and she rejected it, I'd have to try some other means of persuasion. The same for if he _didn't_ make the offer. Something had to work. Bella couldn't die!

My family was still gathered in the living room and I strode toward them, trying to regain the composure I had allowed to slip while talking with Jacob.

 _...what that was all about, but his welcome has come and gone!_ Rosalie was standing by Bella, with her arm around the girl I loved and a hand pressed to her cheek. Bella was leaning into her touch as she always had mine.

Frowning, I insisted, "We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately."

"Over my pile of ashes!"

I only had eyes for Bella, and didn't spare my sister a glance. "Bella, Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"

Bella studied him for a moment, and then turned to meet Rosalie's eyes. "Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward."

"It might be a trick," Rose said, alternating between eyeing me and Jacob suspiciously.

"I don't see how."

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rose," I said, unable to keep the irritation from my voice.

Over the week since we'd been home, I had practically gone out of my way to prove to Rose why Bella's phone call had been necessary. Especially after my attempt at running off with her the previous day, I was almost surprised that my sister allowed me to be in the same room with my wife at all. And Carlisle too, because although _he_ refused to take action, he continued to argue my case.

Bitterly aware that she had every right to fear me, that she _should_ have feared me all along, I muttered, "We're the ones she's afraid of."

"No," Bella gasped as tears sprang to her eyes. "No, Edward, I'm not..."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella." I should have foreseen how she would take that statement, how she would defend my actions, even to myself. I needed her to concentrate on what Jacob had to say, not on how I felt. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

 _...dying from his demon spawn, and she's beating herself up over his_ feelings _. Girl's a classic martyr. Shoulda lived when she could've gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause._

"Everyone, please." I gestured toward the door and they each moved toward it after glancing uncomfortably at Bella, the wolf, Rosalie, and myself. Rose, however, refused to budge, and I knew that she would never allow the conversation to take place if she stayed, even if Jacob could find the courage to suggest it with her there.

I was about to insist that she leave, but Bella beat me to it. "Rose. I want you to go."

My sister scowled at me, shot a glare at the wolf, and then moved away from her protective stance beside Bella.

 _You first,_ she thought as she motioned for me to precede her through the door. We caught up with everyone else in the garage. I was glad they had decided to give the two of them true privacy by actually leaving the house. Going into the next room or the porch where even their whispers would be clearly heard wasn't much different from simply remaining in the room with them.

"Well?" Rose demanded of me when we had rejoined our family. "What was that all about?"

"If I had wanted you to know, I wouldn't have asked to talk to him alone," I snarled.

"I have a right to know!" she insisted. "If it involves the baby, I should know about it."

I looked away from her and leaned against the wall by the door, refusing to answer.

 _Fine! I'll just..._ Rose huffed and made to return to the house.

I blocked the doorway with a low growl.

"Rosalie," Carlisle said, "Bella has asked to speak with Jacob in private."

"She asked for me to keep her baby safe first!"

"What exactly do you think Jacob is going to do, Rosalie? Try to convince her to give it up?" I suggested before she could even form the thought. "Probably so, but how successful do you think he's going to be when Carlisle and I have failed that endeavor for the past week?"

"You're up to something, and I know it."

I rolled my eyes and retook my position by the door. Rose went to stand by Emmett, but she never took her eyes off me. Everyone else relaxed slightly when it became apparent that we wouldn't be fighting anymore, and I tuned them out so that I could concentrate on what Jacob was saying to Bella. It wasn't their privacy I had been concerned with so much as I had wanted Rose far enough away not to hear his suggestion.

If he ever made it.

Either way, I needed to hear.

 _"Did he ask you to yell at me?"_

 _"Sort of. Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me. You never have before."_

She sighed and tucked her lower lip between her teeth.

 _"I told you - "_

 _"Did you know that_ 'I told you so,' _has a brother, Jacob? His name is_ 'Shut the hell up'."

I snorted, amused by Bella's spunk.

 _"Good one."_

I watch through Jacob's eyes as the smile I'd missed for so long spread across Bella's face. _"I can't take credit - I got it off a rerun of_ The Simpsons."

 _"Missed that one."_

 _"It was funny."_

They sat in silence, just holding hands, and I was aware of how cold she seemed. His body temperature was much higher than a human's, but even so, he seemed to think she was cooler against his skin than normal.

 _"Did he really ask you to talk to me?"_

 _"To talk some sense into you._ There's _a battle that's lost before it starts."_ _...it was even possible to talk sense into her, wouldn't be married to a_ vampire, _for God's sake! ...what good this is going to do... wasting my breath..._

 _"So why did you agree?"_

 _...don't really know... only that... each second longer with her is going to make it that much worse when she dies... but I can't give her up... like an addict, only my supply is limited, and when it runs out, when she dies -_

 _"It'll work out, you know. I believe that,"_ she assured him softly.

 _"Is dementia one of your symptoms?"_

 _"Maybe,"_ she said with a laugh that cause my heart to ache. _"I'm not saying things will work out_ easily, _Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"_

She'd been hunted, attacked, and bitten by a vampire, been targeted by an entire army of newborn vampires, and then watched as the vampire who had promised to love her ripped another vampire to pieces. How was any of _that_ magical? Even one of those things should have terrified her and made her want to leave Forks behind for good.

Jacob seemed to agree with me. _"Magic?"_

 _"Especially for you."_ I saw her soft smile in his mind, saw her melted chocolate eyes sparkling with the love I knew she felt for the mutt. She caressed his cheek the way she so often did mine, and I had to bite back the pain-filled moan that wanted to escape from me. _"More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you."_

 _"What are you babbling about?"_

 _"Edward told me once what it was like - your imprinting thing. He said it was like_ A Midsummer Night's Dream _, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense."_

Jacob's voice was a harsh growl. _"If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this_ insanity..."

In a flash of insight, I thought I might understand part of why Bella had chosen me over the wolf. He could not guarantee that his love for her wouldn't be superseded by the genetic compulsion to love another, whereas _my_ love for Bella was eternal. There was no other whom I had or would ever love more than I loved Bella, and still I had left her.

I could appreciate her desire not to be left behind yet again, but if Jacob left her, he wouldn't be coming back.

A parade of images from his pack mates ran through Jacob's mind. Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quil were all content to be the emotional slaves of the women whom they were genetically compelled to love. That they knew what had happened and were still _happy_ about it caused Jacob to fear and even be horrified by the prospect of imprinting.

 _"Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?"_ He pointed in fury at the growing demon in her belly. _"Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of_ you _loving_ him? _When you die how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that."_

She flinched at his words, and glimpse of the same pain I had been feeling for the past week flashed across her features. She'd tried to tell me so many times before that she loved me as I loved her. When she'd convinced me to allow my family to fight without me, it had been this fact - that my death would kill her - that had made me agree. I couldn't bear the thought of a world without her in it, anymore than she seemed able to stand the idea of one without me.

Abruptly, I realized that if this didn't work, I had another weapon in my arsenal. I'd used it already against my mother and my father. She already knew the truth, too. When she died, so would I. She'd used my love for her to make me stay with her during the fight with the army. If Jacob was unsuccessful, maybe I could try the same tactic.

 _"So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is_ any _sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."_

I listened avidly, hoping that she would actually explain her reasoning other than with meaningless assurances that since she believed it, it must be true.

 _"I don't know yet, Jake,"_ she said with a sigh. _"But I just... feel... that this is all going somewhere good, hard as it is to see now. I guess you could call it_ faith."

I grunted, annoyed and disappointed.

Jacob argued for me, _"You're dying for_ nothing, _Bella! Nothing!"_

She smiled and caressed her swollen stomach.

 _...no...she thinks she's dying for_ it.

 _"I'm not going to die,"_ Bella insisted through her teeth. _"I_ will _keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."_

Willing to be far harsher with her than I ever was, Jacob spat, _"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're_ not _strong enough."_ The wolf cupped her face in his hands. _...be gentle, Jake... everything about her screams_ breakable.

 _"I can do this. I can do this,"_ Bella repeated to him as she had done to me and Carlisle.

 _"Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have one."_

Bella nodded and her lips curved into a gentle smile. _"Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean."_

Though she was staring into Carlisle's eyes, I scowled at my mother. I hadn't realized she'd told Bella the details of her death.

 _"So?"_

 _"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her..."_ Bella's words trailed off, but she raised an eyebrow significantly, waiting on him to see her meaning.

It didn't take him long, and I was sure she could see it in his face even as I read it in his mind. _...what she meant about keeping her heart beating._

An icy trickle of or dread ran down his back, and he muttered, _"You're not planning on surviving this human."_

 _"No. I'm not stupid. I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though."_

 _"Emergency vampirization."_

 _"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives; he saves them."_

 _"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that way." ...need her to stay alive... in some form, any form... even that. "Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him. You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?" ...course that won't be necessary this time._

Though I tried to quash it, I felt a hope growing inside of me. Jacob would save her, as he always had.

 _"Remember when I was mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?"_

She scowled at him in silence. At any other time, that expression of kitten anger would have made me laugh.

 _"You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you."_

 _"You listened because it was the right thing to do."_

 _"Okay - pick either reason."_

Bella took a deep breath, and I saw a little bit of color return to her face. _"It's not the same thing now. I won't kill him,"_ she said, indicating the demon in her stomach.

Jacob's voice was heavy with sarcasm when he drawled, _"Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."_

The blood swirled up to color her cheeks in the first real blush I'd seen in over a week. _"I don't know he's a boy. The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard - like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head."_

How often had I wished I could see into her mind? Now, the idea of seeing her mental image of my child made me cringe. I didn't want to see the thing she loved and protected, despite knowing - _knowing!_ \- that it was killing her.

 _"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella."_

 _"We'll see."_ The smug set to her mouth matched the surety in her voice.

"You _won't,"_ Jacob pointed out.

Bella rolled her eyes and sighed. _"You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this."_

To my frustration, he looked away from her. The fire which presaged his transformation ran through his bones, but he didn't give in to the wolf.

 _"Jake. It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay."_ Bella's voice was once again the soothing coo she had used when trying to comfort me, and I ground my teeth as she wiped tears that I was unable to shed from his face.

 _"No. It will not be okay."_

 _"Shh."_

 _"What's the deal, Bella? I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"_

 _...close to making that offer that he wanted me to make... feel the words heading in that direction, but I can't seem to stop them... even so, if it_ works...

Once again, I concentrated on his thoughts, needing to pick up any nuance in her voice that would answer the questions I'd been asking her for a week.

 _"It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's... well..._ this _baby."_

I frowned, concerned now that even if Jacob did make the offer, she would reject it not because it was him that was making the offer, but because it was the demon influencing her after all. She was willing to die to protect those she loved, but why and how could she love the thing so completely from the moment it had made itself known? There had to be more to it than Bella's loving nature, and the only explanation which made sense was that the creature was acting to protect itself by somehow _making_ her love it.

I had lived for half a century with someone capable of effecting emotions. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility that it was making her love it. And if that were the case, that made the thing all the more dangerous. The covens that had created immortal children in centuries past had died to protect their creations, though their actions had seemed unreasonable to everyone else at the time.

Most creatures instinctively protected their young, even if it meant sacrificing their lives. Ducks would mime a broken wing to lure a fox away from their nest. Lionesses would carry their cubs away from a fresh kill, though the babies might be starving, to protect them from the unreasonable male who would kill his young rather than give up a meal.

I pressed my lips together, knowing how often I'd been compared to the lions I loved hunting. Now, here I was, the unreasonable male that would kill his child rather than give up his mate. Scowling angrily, I continued to listen to Bella defend the demon I'd planted within her.

 _"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."_

 _"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can - "_

 _"Aw,_ come on!" he shouted at her. I was glad that he was willing to argue so forcefully with her. I'd worried that my need to protect her might have kept me from being as harsh as was needed, but the mutt had no such restraints. _"You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it."_

 _"I do_ not _know that. I'm worried about it, sure,"_ she surprised me by admitting.

"Worried _about it."_

As though it knew they were discussing its death, the creature chose that moment to stretch or whatever it did to cause her pain, and Bella gasped and clutched her swollen stomach.

 _"I'm fine. It's nothing,"_ she panted.

For the first time, Jacob saw her stomach exposed, and he was staring at the bruises the thing had left on her fragile body. Ice seemed to flood his mind from the horror of what he as seeing.

 _"He's strong, that's all."_

 _...meant by watching it hurt her! "Bella,"_ he moaned.

He'd lost his angry tone, and the grief in his voice made her meet his eyes. She looked confused, the familiar line of bewilderment forming between her brows.

 _"Bella, don't do this."_

The confusion disappeared, to be replaced by pity. _"Jake - "_

 _"Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if...?"_ He trailed off, and I held my breath, knowing that he was about to offer her the chance to have a child with him, a child that _wouldn't_ kill her.

 _"What if what?"_

 _"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?"_

 _"I won't - "_ she began angrily.

 _"I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again."_

She frowned, and I saw her reach for the crease that had formed between the mutt's eyes. _"I don't understand... What do you mean, try again. You can't think Edward would let me...? And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby - "_

 _"Yes!"_ he interrupted her in fury. _"Any kid of_ his _would be the same."_

 _"What?"_

 _...no point in explaining... never been able to save her from herself, much less_ him.

Abruptly, Bella blinked and the look of confusion cleared from her face. _"Oh. Ugh._ Please, _Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination? Why would I want to have some stranger's baby? I suppose it just doesn't make a difference? Any baby will do?"_

I could hear the anger in her voice and was almost glad that she hadn't even given having a child with him a thought, except that I _wanted_ her to consider another option. I'd already suggested adoption, and knew she didn't want a stranger's baby. She wanted a child from the man she loved, but she loved Jacob, too.

 _"I didn't mean that. Not a stranger."_ Warmth spread across his cheeks, and I thought if I could see his face, the young man would be blushing.

 _"Then what are you saying?"_

 _"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever."_

 _"Where did that come from?"_

 _"Forget it, Bella."_

 _"Did_ he _tell you to say that?"_

I wasn't surprised that she saw through me so easily, but she still was missing the point.

 _"No."_

 _"He did, didn't he?"_

 _"No, really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever."_

She leaned back into the pillows and looked away from him, in the direction of the garage where I waited with my family, as if she knew instinctively where I was. I recognized the soft look on her face. It was the same one she'd given me so many times over our honeymoon, and I felt my heart twisting. How I'd missed her love!

 _"He would do anything for me. And I'm hurting him so much... But what is he thinking? That I would trade this for some stranger's..."_ Her hand was rubbing circles over the thing I'd planted, and as Jacob watched, tears filled her eyes and spilled over to run down her cheeks.

 _"You don't have to hurt him,"_ Jacob surprised me by saying. He was pulling out all the stops, willing to use anything, even our love, to keep her alive. _"You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he's losing it. Honestly, I do."_

 _...begging for_ him _but it's probably the best bet to save her... even if I know it still won't work._

 _"Not a stranger? What exactly did Edward say to you?"_

 _"Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me."_

 _"Not that. About trying again."_

 _"Nothing,"_ Jacob insisted, unwilling to put into words the request I'd made of him. Even so, she saw what he wouldn't say, and her mouth dropped open to form a perfect circle.

 _"Wow."_

He looked away from her, and I had to fight the urge to go into the house so I could see her reaction for myself.

Would she accept? Would she agree to live? Would she agree to have a child that wouldn't kill her with the young man she already loved? I hoped she would. But the selfish and possessive and insanely jealous part of me that still hated Jacob Black hoped desperately that she wouldn't. How could I bear it if she did?

I insisted to myself that if it meant she lived then I _would_ bear it. I would suffer anything just so that she _lived._

It was her death I would be unable to take.

 _"He really would do_ anything, _wouldn't he?"_ she whispered.

 _"I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells."_

 _"I'm surprised you didn't tell on him right away. Get him in trouble."_

I was shocked at the sound of amusement in her voice, and when Jacob looked back up to her face, was even more shocked by the grin on her lips.

 _"Thought about it,"_ he tried to tease back. _...knows what I'm offering, and didn't even think twice about it..._ **knew** _she wouldn't, but dang, it still stings._

I fell to my knees with a gasp. She had refused. Even at the expense of her life, even knowing that I had wanted her to go to him, she still rejected him. I couldn't believe the relief I felt. Or the despair.

"What? What is it, Edward?"

They had all been watching me in the hopes of using my reactions to tell them something of the conversation they knew that I was listening to, but I just shook my head. "He failed."

Rose's face lit up in triumph. "Hah!"

 _"There isn't much you wouldn't do for me, either, is there? I really don't know why you bother. I don't deserve either of you."_

 _"It makes no difference, though, does it?"_

 _"Not this time."_

Rose began to stride toward the house, but I put out a hand. "Give them another moment please, Rosalie."

She sighed and tapped her foot as she crossed her arms and glared at me. _...what's the point? Whatever your plan was, it failed._

"Please, Rose?"

She grunted and returned to lean against Emmett where she could watch me with a scowl.

 _"I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can't hurt him,"_ Bella pointed toward the demon I'd planted, _"any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him."_

 _"Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"_

 _"I don't think I do."_

 _"Trust me."_ Jacob's voice was harsh, and full of hatred for me. He got to his feet, and Bella held out a hand to him with a concerned look on her face.

 _"Where are you going?"_

 _"I'm not doing any good here."_

 _"Don't go."_

 _"I don't belong here. I've got to get back."_

 _"Why did you come today?"_

 _"Just to see if you were really alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said."_

 _"Will you come back again? Before...?"_

 _"I'm not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella,"_ he growled at her.

Bella flinched away from his harsh words and pulled her hand back to herself. _"You're right, you're right. You_ should _go."_

He turned from her without another word and strode for the door.

 _"Bye. Love you, Jake,"_ she whispered as he reached for the knob. If it hadn't been for the fact that she had just chosen me over him - as she always had - those words would have caused me to cry out in pain.

No. I realized that wasn't exactly true. This time, she had chosen my demon child over both of us.

"Damn it!" I said as I stood from the floor and put my fist through the wall of the garage.

"Edward!" Esme exclaimed in disapproval.

"Sorry, Esme."

 _"Sure, sure,"_ the wolf muttered as he left our home.

I was aware of the fire in his bones and felt it take him over as he phased. A moment later, he was out of my range, but not before I heard the other wolves' voices chorusing his name in relief. Grateful that he was gone from my house, I sprinted back inside with Rosalie on my heels.

We entered the room together, and Rosalie darted over to Bella's side, asking, "Are you alright?"

Bella was wiping the tears from her face when I stepped through the doorway of the living room, but she gave me a tremulous smile. Bella shook her head at Rose, but didn't take her eyes off me. "I'm fine."

Hesitantly, unsure if she would be angry with me for what I had asked Jacob to say, I took a step in her direction, and then another. She held out a hand to me, and I gladly went to her. Grateful to be able to touch her, I sat on the couch beside the girl I loved and slipped my arms around her fragile shoulders. She laid her head on my chest, and I rested my chin against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Sorry," I scoffed. "Bella, don't be absurd." Why did she always feel the need to apologize for my actions? I pulled her chin up so that she had to look at me. "I don't want you to be sorry; I want you to _live."_

"I know. But I _will_ , so you don't have to worry anymore, okay?"

 _...right, Edward? Not worry? That'll happen._

I scowled at Rose, but didn't bother to answer.

Choosing not to taunt me anymore, Rosalie turned to Bella and asked, "So? What was all that about?"

Bella shook her head. "Jacob was just worried about me."

"And he couldn't say that with the rest of us here?"

"Drop it, Rosalie," I snarled. "He's gone, and I doubt he'll be back. It's not important now."

Bella bit her lip. "Were you listening?"

"Of course."

"Of course you were," she sighed.

A few moments later, her breaths deepened, her body went limp, and she slept in my arms. I closed my eyes and allowed myself a brief moment of pleasure. I'd missed this. I was grateful she was sleeping at all. She'd been so nauseous, I doubted she'd gotten a full two hours of sleep in a row that whole week.

Rose positioned herself at the other end of the couch. Alice had joined my brothers and Carlisle in the library where they were continuing their search for information that might keep Bella from dying. Or at the very least, something that could tell us what to expect from the creature she carried.

Although I tried not to, I couldn't help but to overhear Rosalie's thoughts. She wore an unhappy grimace and was twisting her rings around on her fingers. There was an edge of resentment coloring the sound of her mental voice, and I rolled my eyes at her childishness.

 _...endangers the whole family for a human and everyone jumps to help, but when I try to do the same thing for a baby, for_ his _baby, suddenly I'm the bad guy. This isn't_ my _fault. I'm just doing what I was asked to do. I didn't ask Bella for a baby. I don't want her baby. I want_ _ **mine!**_

"Then why are you doing this?" I asked through my teeth.

Rosalie glanced at me, pressed her lips together, and looked away.

"You don't even want the demon she's carrying? Why bother keeping her alive to get it, then? What are you after if not the child you can't otherwise have?"

She huffed and her voice was full of disgust when she spoke. "You're just as bad as Carlisle. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you two _were_ related, you're so much alike."

She said I was like Carlisle as though that were a bad thing. While I would have loved to be more like the man I admired above any other, I would never be able to maintain his level of calm self-control, would never match his essential goodness, nor have his easy self-assurance. I could spend the rest of eternity trying - if I didn't die in the next week or two - but Carlisle's example was one which I would never live up to. I shook my head, dismissing the matter. It wasn't my father I was concerned with at that moment; it was Bella and Rose.

"You didn't answer my question."

 _I'd think you would be happy. You wanted me to like your human, didn't you?_

"Helping her kill herself does not mean you like her, Rose!"

She sighed and flipped her hair over her shoulders. "This isn't about the baby. I'll care for the baby when it's born because that's what I was asked to do. And - "

"Well, _I'm_ asking you to - "

 _"And!"_ She shot me an angry glare. _I wasn't finished!_ "And because it's the right thing to do. And because this is what she's chosen."

"She's choosing suicide, and you're choosing to assist her," I spat. "Which part of that is right?"

"Bella doesn't see it that way."

"And you're also choosing to feed her delusions!"

"Delusions," Rose scoffed.

"Yes!" I hissed, trying not to wake the girl in my arms. "She's barely hanging on as it is, and she's not going to get better. In fact, she's going to get much worse, and then she's going to die. And what's worse is that she's doing so to bring a monster into this world that apparently _nobody_ wants, including you! What the Hell, Rose?"

"You've been trying to live her life for her from day one. Has she ever made a decision that you didn't either argue her out of or manipulate her into thinking she wanted? Think about it, Edward. How often have you kept the truth from her? Remember Florida? Mike's car? Last year when you left? Did you give her any choice in the matter when it came to her own life, her own future, or did you just assume you knew best and acted as you saw fit?"

Offended, I denied her accusations. "I've only been trying to keep her safe. What's wrong with that?"

 _What's wrong with it is that you have a habit of dismissing what she wants for whatever you think is best._

"She wouldn't be alive now if I hadn't done whatever was necessary to save her! Do you think I wanted to leave her? Do you think I enjoyed lying to her?"

Rose made a rude sound in the back of her throat. _How could anyone know? You could say how you felt, but why should anyone other than Jasper believe you? When you think Bella's safety is jeopardized, you think that justifies any actions, any lies, but you're wrong._

"Where is this coming from? You're the one who voted no when she was asking to join us. You're the one who has tried repeatedly to convince her that joining us was a mistake. And you're the one who _told_ me not to stop fighting for her life! How is that any different?"

"Do you seriously not see the difference? I voiced my opinion; I didn't force it on her. I told her the truth; when is the last time you could claim the same? And when she chose not to listen to my advice, I let her go ahead with her plans. I may not have liked her choices, but I respected that they were hers to make. _You_ , on the other hand, have heard her say what she wanted repeatedly, and never once gave her the courtesy of considering that she knows what's best for her. She doesn't need you to be her father; she needs a partner. Which is something you have never been."

I frowned at her, trying to deny what she was saying. "I didn't want her to be a killer. I didn't want her to be like me. And I don't want her to die!"

"Again, you've only considered what _you_ want."

"Because I know the consequences of her choices. I know what killing people did to me. You may never have had an accident, but I know you've seen what they've done to Emmett. Wouldn't you have protected him from them if you could've?"

She was quiet as she pictured Emmett's face after he'd killed. He'd looked back at her and the eyes that were normally golden and dancing with laughter were bright red and full of remorse. "I understand what you're saying, Edward. Trust me. And so does she. She understands why you've tried to keep her human, but you have never trusted her."

"You're wrong. It was her ideas that kept Charlie safe when James was after her. I listened to her and followed her plans then. She's the one who realized the army belonged to Victoria, and that they were after her. I trusted her insights then, too."

"Alright. When the truth is glaringly obvious, you do occasionally see and recognize it."

"And this truth?" I demanded, pointing at Bella's stomach. "It's glaringly obvious, but you're the one refusing to recognize it."

"I recognize that it is not human, but that doesn't make it a demon. Fear has blinded you from seeing the truth about her baby." She turned and met my eyes. "About _your_ baby."

"My baby," I muttered bitterly.

"Yes, Edward. This is your baby!"

"And you don't think that alone is reason enough to kill it? Jacob knows the truth. Its father is a monster and a killer, and so is it. We can't allow Bella to bring it into this world, and I won't allow her to die for it!"

"All my life, my choices have been taken from me. It hurts me to see you doing the same thing to her, Edward. I thought you a better man than that."

"That's ridiculous, Rosalie," I said, rolling my eyes.

 _I know. I suppose I should have seen that you weren't the better man long ago, but you do a good job of hiding your less admirable traits behind the need you seem to have to redeem yourself._ She sniffed in disdain. "Well, when you aren't being an arrogant, pushy, insufferable, know-it-all."

I glared at her in furious silence while she ran through her memories of me over the past century.

Rose remembered the way I had tried - in my bumbling, inept way - to help her deal with her new reality as a newborn vampire. I saw her recall her appreciation for the way I'd stood behind her decision to kill Royce and his friends when Carlisle had been unsure how to deal with her callous murders of the men who'd hurt her. She remembered me and Emmett when the man she'd saved had been a newborn, the way I'd helped to ease his transition into our family, and the way I'd helped him see that the pale, golden goddess he'd begun to worship had wanted him, too.

She remembered the house I'd helped to build for them when they'd been newly married, and the way I'd freely given of my own money for Emmett to leave to his human family so that they would not suffer due to his absence.

Then she pictured my smug expression whenever I read something in her mind that she would rather have kept private; it didn't matter to her that I kept such things to myself when she didn't want _me_ to know, either. She remembered my haughty disdain of her ability to go through medical school and my unconscious skepticism of her success when she'd begun to rebuild her first car. I hadn't even realized at the time that I'd expressed those doubts to her; it had been automatic on my part. What could a woman have known of such things?

Vampires changed so rarely, but we _did_ change. Most often, those changes were abrupt and permanent, the way falling in love with Bella had changed me. However, the subtle and gradual changes that humans underwent were nearly impossible for us. I could learn facts and apply that information to the world around me, but they didn't affect my basic and automatic actions or reactions. Over the decades, Rose, Alice, and Esme had gained my respect and admiration, but the preconceived notions of a man born at the turn of the century had never been replaced.

My fury faded as I saw myself through Rose's candid eyes.

Intellectually, I might know that Bella was smart and perceptive, but I continued to dismiss her ability to see the consequences of her choices. Despite how often I'd praised the clarity of her insights, when they had disagreed with my own, I'd stubbornly refused to accept that I could be wrong. I might have respected my mother and my sisters, but it was Carlisle whom I looked to for advice and guidance.

I loved the women in my family and respected their rights to live their own lives and make their own mistakes, but they didn't belong to me the way Bella did. She was _mine!_ That made it my job to protect Bella. I was her husband. Wasn't it my responsibility to provide for her? Wouldn't it always be?

 _...thought I wanted Royce because my father had brought me up to believe that royalty was my birthright... thought it was happenstance when we met, but looking back from_ this _life, I saw how my parents had arranged everything. I made the choice they had wanted me to, not even realizing the decision hadn't been my own._

 _..._ That _night, an experience that should have been beautiful and private had been brutal and humiliating. I'd had no choice in that matter, either. Him, his friends, the drink, the street, none of it had been my choice. After... I'd wanted to die, but that choice was taken from me, too._

"Carlisle was only trying to help you, Rose," I murmured.

 _My parents would have said the same thing in setting me up with the most eligible bachelor in town. They would have considered the security and wealth he would provide more than ample payment for the freedom to pick a man on my own. I wanted the money; I'll admit it. I enjoyed being seen with him, but I had always been admired. I expected to be watched with envy wherever I went; it was nothing new. What I truly wanted was something I'd never had._

"Emmett loves you," I said, knowing what she had wanted, having heard her thinking of her lost future many times those first years.

Her hands folded across her flat stomach the way Bella's had done the day we'd discovered she was pregnant. "Yes, I know. But I didn't just want a husband who loved me; I wanted a family. And that future was stolen from me. By Royce and his friends, and yes, by _Carlisle_ too. And I didn't lose only that future. _Any_ future was taken from me. I would never have chosen this life, but it's the one I'm stuck with. Who in their right minds would choose endless repetitions of the same decade of their lives for the rest of eternity? I know you're looking forward to our next round of high school education just as much as I am."

I grunted, unable to disagree with that statement.

"It's so pointless," she said bitterly. "Watching all those _humans_ graduating year after year, going to college, building careers, building _lives._ Their choices are endless. Their potential is limitless. Whereas _mine - "_

I groaned as she began to reiterate her complaints from the past century. "Not _again_ , Rose, please. Not everyone gets what they want; in fact, very few people do. You want a choice? You could choose to be happy, you know."

Her mouth twisted into an angry scowl. "Just smile and accept my fate like a good girl, huh? That's pretty rich coming from you."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you choose Emmett? Carlisle didn't want to change him. He knew that doing so would result in human deaths, and he wasn't wrong. But you wanted him, so he changed him. Don't you _dare_ talk to me about choices, Rosalie! I love Bella more than anything in the world, but I would never have chosen to fall in love with a human. I didn't choose to get her pregnant, and I certainly don't choose to watch her die right before my eyes!"

She looked away from me, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry, Edward. I know what you think of me - that I'm being selfish and petty - but you're wrong. I'm doing this for her, and for you. She wants her baby to live, and that's not a choice you can take from her. I know you can't see it, but I agree with Bella: this will be a good thing. And when you hold your baby in your arms with Bella as a newborn vampire by your side, I promise I'll try really, really hard not to say 'I told you so'."

She paused, glanced at the sleeping girl, and amended, "To both of you."


	30. Under Siege

**30\. Under Siege**

Bella woke suddenly and pushed herself out of my arms, clutching at her chest and gasping for breath.

Alarmed, my argument with Rosalie instantly forgotten, I asked, "Bella?"

She spoke through her panting breaths. "No... I'm fine. It was... it was just... I was dreaming."

Carlisle had heard the change in Bella's heart at the same time as I did. I thought it was more than a bad dream that had awoken her. He must have agreed with me, because he was kneeling in front of her before she had finished speaking. His stethoscope was already in place so he could better hear her heart and lungs. I slid off the couch to get out of the way of his examination.

I didn't think she could have anything left in her stomach, but Bella gasped out Rosalie's name and turned toward her beseechingly. Despite her determination to see Bella through the pregnancy and her willingness to do whatever that meant, Rose's nose wrinkled just slightly as my sister grabbed the large bowl which had been brought to the living room for Bella to get sick into.

When she was done, Bella fell back into the couch cushions. Her forehead was creased, and her lovely eyes were closed. The circles under them were as dark as a thirsty vampire's, but no vampire had ever had her thrumming pulse. I could see it through the pale skin of her throat: the rapid flow of blood through her circulatory system created light fluctuations at her pulse points as her heart beat irregularly. Bella clutched at the couch, and I wondered if she was in pain and trying to hide it.

"Bella, please, allow me to - "

"That's enough, Carlisle! You need to stop - "

"I am not going to suggest anything untoward, Rosalie," he interrupted. My father's eyes flashed with rarely seen anger before he turned back to the girl I loved. "Bella, please, allow me to help you. If you want your baby to live, then you must live also. You agreed to allow the ultrasound and the x-ray."

"Yeah, but they didn't work."

"True, but I would like to try another approach. There is no reason why I should not be able to monitor your heart, even if I cannot see the fetus's. I want to go to the hospital to get an electrocardiograph. I would also like to give you a sedative."

Bella's eyes widened, and she shook her head.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Rose growled.

He ignored her. "When was the last time you really slept?"

"I was asleep just now."

"A nap that lasted, what? Twenty minutes?"

Bella twisted her lips to the side and shrugged.

"I mean a real sleep. One long enough and deep enough to do you some good."

She bit her lip and admitted, "I'm not sure."

"You are exhausted, Bella. A pregnant woman's body works hard enough creating a normal child, and the rate the one within you is growing is draining your reserves. Rosalie has nearly as much medical training as Edward and certainly enough for her to assure you that, aside from the sedative, I am not giving you anything other than medications to strengthen your heart, ease your pain, and try to combat your nausea so that you _can_ sleep. She will be with you the entire time you are under its affects. I assure you, nothing will happen to which you do not agree."

My sister eyed him for a moment through narrowed lids before exchanging a glance with Bella. They both nodded their assent to his request, and he disappeared, returning a second later with several medications in his hands. He passed them to Rosalie to examine as he tore the wrappers off a needle and syringe. Rosalie gave them back wordlessly, but nodded to Bella as he prepared the very medications she had refused the day before.

After injecting it, he called to Esme, prepared to leave for the hospital without delay. When she appeared in the room with us, he said, "Esme, dearest, I would like for you to join me, please. We do not have time to go through proper channels, and I may need you to distract the staff while I steal what I need."

Esme nodded her willingness, and they took off on foot. Running was faster than driving would have been, and he was more concerned with her arrhythmia than he was willing to say out loud. No one within the hospital would notice if this one time his car was not among the rest of the staff's.

A ripple flowed across Bella's stomach from the creature inside her, and she bit her lip as she pressed her hand against the thing's movements. I stared at it, horrified by the way I could see it stretching her skin. I wondered if the thing wanted its freedom from the cage of Bella's body already, but it only seemed to be adjusting itself. Bella laid back down, panting and shivering. Her shirt was pulled off to one side, exposing a new bruise which blossomed along the path of the creature's movement.

I could tell she had not fallen back to sleep. Her breathing was too uneven, and her fingers continued to clutch the cushions of the couch. As the long minutes ticked by, I watched as the crease alternately formed and faded between her eyes. The familiar curiosity plagued me, but I refrained from asking for her thoughts. Even if she wasn't sleeping, simply laying still and quiet was more restful than trying to answer my questions would have been. Instead, I listened to her heart continue its fast, uneven rhythm and waited for Carlisle to return from the hospital.

Impatient, I stretched my thoughts to the edge of my range, listening for the return of my parents. Earlier than I expected, I saw two images of the forest surrounding our home. The trees were flying by, and I sighed in relief that they had returned so quickly. My relief was short-lived as I became aware that the minds I was seeing were _not_ those of Carlisle and Esme.

"Emmett! Jasper!" I gasped. They appeared in the living room almost instantly.

 _...hear us yet?_

 _...should be thinking something like, "We come in peace."_

 _Go for it..._

Feeling my alarm turn to irritation, Jasper moved to Bella's side. "What is it? Bella seems no different."

 _Edward? Edward, you there? Okay, now I feel kinda stupid._

 _...sound stupid, too._

"No, no. It's not her."

Bella cracked her eyes open. "What?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about, love," I said as I grabbed my brothers' arms and dragged them outside with me. When the door closed behind I us, I explained, "It's the wolves."

 _"Wolves,_ plural? As in not Jacob this time?"

"Not _just_ Jacob," I corrected.

 _...think he can hear us?_

 _...think so. Hey, Edward. If you can hear me - circle the wagons, bloodsucker. You've got a problem._

 _ **We've**_ _got a problem._

Jacob and Seth broke through the trees, and their eyes fixed on us before they backed up a few paces, breathing out through their noses with little snorts as they flicked their tongues against our smell.

"Jacob? Seth? What's going on?"

Rather than answer my question directly, Jacob and Seth vividly remembered their pack of wolves gathered together. I could see their agitation as they paced in circles around Sam, Jacob, and Seth before the rusty colored wolf who was standing in front of me now tore away from the rest. A moment later, the thin, gangly one took off after him.

But before that, Jacob had said to Sam, _"I_ will _stand between you and the Cullens,"_ which had apparently been in response to Sam's accusing, _"Do you belong to a_ coven _, now?"_

Jacob seemed to be relating the events which had brought him back to us in reverse order, showing me that he'd left his pack. _Left!_ I could see the truth not just in his memories, but in the very absence of the other wolves' minds. Despite distant howls which I could just hear floating on the wind, Jacob's and Seth's were the only two wolf minds I could detect. If they were still part of the pack's mind link, I would have heard the others' thoughts no matter the distance.

They had fought - not physically, but argued - over Sam's position as leader; there could only be one Alpha. I could hear in their memory the distinctive power of the Alpha timbre as Jacob had spoken to Sam. It had been Ephriam Black and not Levi Uley who had been the pack's leader seventy years ago. Leadership of the pack - and by extension, the tribe - was Jacob's by rights. It looked like he had finally taken that position upon himself.

I watched the backwards confrontation in confusion. What could have convinced Jacob to chose us over his pack?

 _"I'm not telling you to step aside."_

 _"Then what's your plan? I'm not stepping aside so that you can protect the vampire spawn at the tribe's expense."_

What the Hell? Jacob wanted to protect the demon within Bella now? **Jacob?**

 _"I know what you've decided, Sam. But you don't decide for me, not anymore."_

 _"We have to protect our families!"_

 _"Maybe you're right. But you're going to destroy the pack over her, Sam. No matter how many of them survive tonight, they will always have murder on their hands."_

 _"This isn't about them. This is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!"_

 _"They aren't our enemies. They never have been. Until I really thought about destroying them, thought it through, I didn't see that."_

My mouth dropped open. Jacob didn't consider me his enemy anymore?

For the first time since my newborn days, I struggled to keep up with the flowing mental pictures which were bombarding me. They gave me no time to react or try to reason through what they were showing me. In their distress and worry over what they had done, and what the pack had decided, Jacob and Seth poured their memories into my mind, knowing that I would see and hear.

I witnessed Jacob's memory of his assumption of the status of Alpha, how Sam had commanded him to stand against us, and how he had refused.

He'd imagined attacking Emmett, the strongest, and Jasper, a lightning strike, power and speed and death all rolled into one, as he had been commanded to do by his leader, and had balked. I saw the minds of the others in his memory, so like Emmett's in that they were eager for a fight not out of a desire to kill, but due to a fierce competitiveness, a need to prove themselves, and an ingrained duty to protect their loved ones. But Jacob knew this fight would end in death - ours _and_ theirs.

Why now? I didn't understand. Jacob would have told them Bella wasn't dead, nor was she a vampire. Dying, yes, but still alive, thus far. They had no reason to turn on us, yet.

Sam gave the Alpha command for Jacob to attack my brothers, and I witnessed Jacob's impression of being Sam's puppet. The command had left him without the ability to follow his own will until he asserted his right to take over leadership of the pack - a right he'd refused time and again in deference to Sam, and a right which he still rejected now. Instead of winning leadership over the pack, he'd won leadership over himself.

Seth, who had been under the same compulsion, had chosen to follow the new Alpha. He could not have stopped Sam, nor come to us on his own, but when Jacob had made his stand, Seth had been free to stand beside him.

Along with all of Jacob's rational reasons, which the younger wolf agreed with, I saw that Seth had another one which had prompted him to abandon his pack. He hadn't been willing to betray me, his friend.

If my eyes could have filled with tears, they would have. Seth, little Seth, had left his family because of his friendship with me. Without him, Victoria would have killed Bella and myself. He'd saved Bella's life on the mountain when he'd fought against Riley, leaving me free to deal with Victoria, and now he stood behind Jacob to protect us again, this time, from his own pack.

 _"Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill."_

 _"I was wrong today, Sam."_

Jacob remembered imagining the death of my father, and he knew that it would not be because Carlisle was unable to defend himself, but rather because he would have been unwilling. I could see Jacob's realization that killing him would be murder, just as if he were to callously stroll into a human's house to kill them. Just as it would be when they killed Bella.

 _ **What?**_ My breath escaped me in a furious hiss as I leapt off the porch, my teeth bared.

Sam was planning on fighting me. Of course he was; hadn't I killed Victoria? They'd watched our training sessions, and believed even Jasper had failed to defeat me. Sam would attack me as the greatest threat, and would leave Jasper for Jacob as the second greatest. He thought my mind reading made me the stronger fighter, but he hoped my emotions would distract me. Sam believed it was their duty to kill Bella. No, not her. The fetus. The monster. The demon child. The _abomination._ But to kill it, they would kill her.

"They want to kill Bella?"

Emmett and Jasper were beside me instantly.

 _Oh, I don't_ think _so!_

 _Not on my watch, they won't!_

 _Mangy mutts!_

 _...hey, now!_ Seth backed up a few steps, his alarm obvious in his lowered head and tail, and his flattened ears.

Jacob didn't move, but he bared his teeth and growled in protest.

"Em, Jazz - not _them!_ The others. The pack is coming."

 _Oh._ "What's their problem?" Emmett demanded while Jasper carefully sampled the wolves' emotions.

"The same one as mine, but they have their own plan to handle it. Get the others. Call Carlisle! He and Esme have to get back here now." I felt an icy shaft of fear shoot down my spine. Forks was no longer neutral territory. If the pack caught my parents out and unprotected, they wouldn't hesitate to thin our numbers.

Jacob whined. _...they're separated!_

"They aren't far," I assured him.

 _I'm going to go take a look,_ Seth volunteered. _Run the western perimeter._

"Will you be in danger, Seth?" It was bad enough he had left his family to protect mine, I didn't want him hurt or killed by his own brothers.

He and Jacob glanced at each other.

 _...don't think so._

 _...but maybe I should go, just in case..._

 _...less likely to challenge me. I'm just a kid to them._

 _...just a kid to me, kid._

 _...outta here. You need to coordinate with the Cullens._ The young wolf spun and bolted into the woods in the direction of Forks.

"Carlisle! Where are you?"

 _"Still at the hospital. What is it, Emmett? Is it Bella? Is she...?"_

"No, no. Well, yeah, I mean, it's about Bella, but it's not the baby. Well, I guess it _is_ , but..."

 _"Slow down, Emmett. You are not making any sense."_

He took a deep breath and began again. "The werewolves have ended the truce. You and Esme need to get back here, like, _now."_

 _"They - Why would they... Oh. Jacob told them about Bella's pregnancy."_

"Yep. They're after Bella. I'm not sure of the details, but Jacob and another wolf came here to tell us. The others wanna kill Bella, and I guess that means it's open season on vampires." _...which means it's open season on wolves, too! ...'bout time; that grey one has it coming!_

 _"We are on our way. We will be there in twenty minutes at most. Emmett, do not go looking for them! Or us. Stay there, and protect our family."_

"If you insist," he muttered.

At any other time, I would have laughed at his disappointment. Our father knew his children so well.

Alice came outside to see what was taking us so long to return. The creature within Bella had effectively blinded Alice to what was going on around her since our return. Add in the wolves' involvement, and she had no way to see any of us. After studying our arrangement on the lawn, Emmett and Jasper's scrutiny of the forest and my proximity to Jacob, she flitted to her mate's side, determined to stand with him against whatever was apparently threatening us.

I glanced at Jacob, relieved that Carlisle and Esme would be home shortly. If it weren't for the wolf staring at me with narrowed eyes, the entire pack would have attacked us tonight. Ten werewolves against the seven of us; there was no way we would have survived.

Especially not since their aim was to kill the one whom - by all rights - they should have been trying to protect!

Bunch of hypocrites! How _dare_ they call themselves protectors when they were willing to murder the sweetest, gentlest, most fragile human I'd ever met?

Esme's suggestion for Bella and I to live together for a time before changing her had been the right one. Despite everyone's beliefs, I _hadn't_ killed Bella on our honeymoon! We would have come home and lived together as husband and wife in our very own house, visiting Charlie and proving to the stupid mutts that Bella was alive and well.

If I had not gotten Bella pregnant, and had instead returned home with her as a vampire, would they have attacked and killed us all, not even caring that it had been her choice?

Her choice...

Ah, God, Rosalie was right, too. I'd always known choices mattered.

Killing by accident and _choosing_ to kill were two very different things. It had been my choice to kill Esme's ex-husband which had first changed me into a monster. It was that choice which made me different from my family. Turning Bella against her will would have been wrong, just as Carlisle had told me, and the wolves would have been right to exact their vengeance upon me. However, granting her request to spend eternity with me as an animal drinker would have hurt no one, and they would have been wrong to punish us for her choice.

Well, it would have hurt Charlie and Renee to lose their daughter, but what parent had any assurance they would never lose their child? I was immortal, but not even my father had that assurance. If Jacob had not acted, Carlisle and Esme would have lost all their children today. And yet, by acting, Jacob had lost _his_ family.

"This isn't the first time I've owed you my gratitude, Jacob. I would never have asked this of you," I murmured.

Jacob pictured my face as I begged him to offer to get Bella pregnant. _Yeah, you would've. ...comes to Bella, there's no lines he won't cross._

I blinked in surprise. Jacob knew me about as well as he knew Bella. "I suppose you're right about that."

 _Well, this isn't the first time that I didn't do it for you._

"Right."

It certainly wasn't for me, but neither was it just Bella whom he was saving, nor my family. Had the pack attacked and killed us, they would never have recovered. Seth wasn't the youngest member of the pack, but he was just a boy. For Sam to make the others murderers - regardless of their age - would have irreparably damaged them. They might not have felt the effects immediately, but someday, the knowledge that they had killed or helped to kill an innocent, helpless girl whom they knew and cared about would have destroyed them. Jacob may have lost his family today, but he had saved them, too.

 _Sorry I didn't do any good today. Told you she wouldn't listen to me._

"I know. I never really believed that she would. But..."

 _You had to try. I get it._

I nodded. He did get it.

 _She any better?_

I could see the worried look in his eyes, and the memory of his last sight of Bella's fragile face was clear in his mind. I forced myself to answer him, though the word tore at my throat. "Worse."

His eyes widened as though it had hurt him to hear as much as it hurt me to say.

 _I hate being blind! I see why Em is always complaining when Edward and I use each other's gifts to communicate. It's awful being left out of the loop!_

"Jacob, would you mind switching forms?" Alice finally got frustrated enough to ask. "I want to know what's going on."

"He needs to stay linked to Seth," I explained as Jacob shook his head.

"Well, then would _you_ be so kind as to tell me what's happening?"

"The pack thinks Bella's become a problem. They foresee potential danger from the..." I tried but couldn't say the word fetus. "From what she's carrying. They feel it's their duty to remove that danger. Jacob and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us. The rest are planning on attacking tonight."

Alice's breath hissed through her teeth in shock. Emmett and Jasper, who hadn't heard the details, glanced at each other and then turned their probing gazes to the trees that surrounded our house.

 _Nobody out here. All's quiet on the western front._

 _They may go around..._

 _I'll make a loop..._

"Carlisle and Esme are on their way. Twenty minutes, tops," Emmett reported for those without the benefit of having heard their conversation in his mind.

"We should take up a defensive position," Jasper suggested. _...too vulnerable standing around spread out like this. If it's Bella they're after, we should be where we can better protect her._

"Let's get inside," I agreed.

 _...gonna run perimeter with Seth. If I get too far for you to hear my head, listen for my howl_.

"I will." As we retreated to the dubious safety of our house, Jacob wheeled and sprinted away to join Seth. He was quickly outside my mental range, but that would give us more warning should the pack decide to attack before night fell.

"We should close the shutters," Jasper said as he strode over to the control panel in the wall by the stairs.

"We need to be able to hear Jacob."

 _It's not like they are soundproof._

"Not fully, but we need all the advantage we can get."

"Hence the shutters?"

"Hence the wolves! Jacob said he'd howl if they came across anyone, but their distance would be a disadvantage if the shutters muffle their warning."

He considered for a moment, then nodded decisively. _We'll put most of them down, but leave the doors unblocked._

I grunted my approval of his plan as I joined Rosalie by Bella's head.

"What's... going... on?" Bella blinked in surprise as the mechanisms hummed to life, and the shutters rolled down from within their hidden storage units to cover the wide glass walls.

 _Go ahead, Eddie. Lie to her again. It won't make it any better when she finds out the truth later, though._ Rosalie was staring daggers at me, and I knew she was right again. Bella was perceptive and smart; hadn't I just been reminded of that fact? She would see right through my lies just as she always did.

Abruptly, I decided I was done with lying to her. I may never be worthy of her love, but I could at least attempt to deserve the trust she gave so freely.

"Jacob told the pack about the... fetus. They believe it is a threat. Sam has ordered them to kill you in order to destroy it."

Her eyes widened, and her heart's already unsteady rhythm broke into an uneven sprint. Her hand fluttered over her stomach and tears welled up to spill down her face. I knelt in front of her to wipe them away. No longer rounded, her cheek was still soft as ever, even if my frozen fingers barely registered her warmth.

"They won't hurt you."

"But what about you?" She was barely able to form the words, mouthing them more than speaking.

"Don't you dare waste your energy worrying about me. See those?" I pointed at the shutters. "They'll never get past them. And besides, they'll never even get this close. Jacob is here. And Seth. You know they would never let anyone hurt you, not even the other wolves."

"Jake? But he..." She sniffled and shook her head before continuing in a whisper, "He wants me to give him up, too."

"Not at the expense of your life. Bella, he left the pack. When Sam ordered them to kill us, he refused. He and Seth, they're circling the house, protecting you."

"Sam wouldn't hurt Jake, would he? And Embry and Quil? They're his _friends_."

I tried to imagine how I would feel if Carlisle were to order me to kill Jasper or Rosalie and felt a sick twisting in my gut. The bond between the pack members was very much like ours. They were family - brothers and a sister, too. There was no way he'd make them fight against their own, was there?

"We don't think so, but if the pack comes, Jacob and Seth will fall back to the house. They've lost the element of surprise now, and I'll be able to hear any plans they have should they get this far. Alice's gift may not work on the wolves, but Jasper's _does,_ and so does mine. Please don't worry, Bella. I doubt they'll come now, anyway. We're well fortified here, and they know it."

Bella closed her eyes and lay on the couch, looking drained. Just talking with me had exhausted her. Her health was declining so fast! She'd used up what little strength she had left when Jacob had visited earlier. I hoped Carlisle would return soon. Bella needed the sleep he could assure she would get. Twenty minutes had rarely seemed so long.

I stretched out with my gift again, and eventually caught two images of the forest flying by. This time, I recognized Carlisle and Esme's minds. "They're back."

A few moments later, my parents were setting the device they'd stolen down by the front door. Esme glanced toward Bella and flew up the stairs while Carlisle prepared the supplies to start a new IV.

Rosalie busied herself inspecting everything which he had appropriated. Esme came back downstairs carrying the hospital bed Carlisle which had brought home days ago.

"Emmett, Jasper, we need to clear some space. Let's get all this moved over there so we can settle her here in the center." Esme gestured at the furniture and around the room as she spoke, showing my brothers what she wanted. I gathered my sweet wife into my arms while they traded the couch for the bed.

Bella laid her head against my chest with her ear pressed against where my heart had once beat. One hand rested atop her swollen stomach, but the other slid up to twiddle with my collar.

"You know, I could fall sleep on my own, just like this."

"As tempting as that sounds, I wouldn't be able to provide you with much protection without the use of my hands." I inhaled deeply as my lips pressed against the top of her head, and my arms tightened around her, just slightly. Truly, I did not want to let her go! My shirt slid easily from her grip when I laid her down.

"Alright, Bella. I am going to give you another bag of glucose. Even though the last time it did not do much good, anything is better than nothing. I brought various vitamins I would like to run along with it. This last one is the sedative." He held up what looked like a bottle of milk.

A look of fear crossed Bella's face. "Sedative?"

"All it will do is make you sleep," he said soothingly. "You will wake in the morning, I promise."

"If anything happens with the wolves..."

"I'll wake you myself," I assured her.

"But if I'm sedated?"

"It has a very short half-life." When Bella shook her head in confusion, Carlisle clarified his statement. "The effects only last as long as the medication is being actively administered. Almost as soon as I stop giving it to you, you will start to wake."

"Please, Bella," I whispered. "You need to rest."

Bella reached for Rosalie's hand, closed her eyes, and nodded her consent.

"Er... We'll be right back. Just need to, uh, inspect the shutters," Emmett muttered. He lightly punched Jasper on the arm in invitation to join him. They left the room, not wanting to be around the blood they knew was about to be exposed. None of us believed his excuse, but neither did we blame him. After the disaster Bella's birthday party had become last year from a single drop of blood, my brothers weren't taking any chances. Alice, Esme, and Rose simply held their breaths.

Carlisle worked quickly and within minutes, Bella was asleep. Once her body relaxed, he wheeled over the device to monitor her heart, along with one to monitor her blood pressure, temperature, and breathing. I watched him skillfully place the leads on her skin, the cuff around her arm, and the lighted sensor on her finger, then waited impatiently as the machines began displaying the rhythms of her body. I could hear the fluctuations of her heart, but seeing the electrical patterns showed just how much the muscle was faltering. Carlisle watched the needle's irregular path, and I listened to him evaluating the various waves.

 _...not a normal sinus rhythm... certainly tachycardic, but I could already hear that much... no ischemia, but there should not be a blockage, so that makes sense... QRS is narrow here, but wide here... seems to be an occasional ectopic firing, but what is_ causing _that remains to be seen_...

"Well?" Rose demanded.

Carlisle sighed. "I am not sure, Rosalie. Her nodes are not firing in a normal rhythm, but there is no discernible pattern to the arrhythmia. My guess is that is due to her lowered levels of the vitamins and minerals which her heart needs to function properly. I cannot tell just from these what other effects the fetus may be having on her."

"Well, that's helpful. I'm sure we're all _so_ glad you stole yet another piece of hospital equipment."

Carlisle's lips thinned with disapproval from his daughter's sarcasm. "With any luck, resuming the vitamin protocol will markedly improve - " He stopped speaking as a distinctive wolf-howl reached our ears.

"Damn! That's the signal Jacob told me to listen for. The pack is coming."

I strode over to the door and stared out through the glass, stretching out with my gift as I did so. Jasper and Emmett returned to the living room where they and Carlisle moved to take defensive positions around Bella, placing themselves between the bed she was in and the door where I stood. Rose, Alice, and Esme, completed the circle surrounding the sleeping human girl, and we all waited, expectantly.

I caught Jacob's mind as he raced toward us. _False alarm, false alarm. Sorry. Seth is young. He forgets things. No one's attacking. False alarm._

I breathed out a sigh of relief as he broadcast his thoughts. "Relax. The wolves aren't attacking."

Jacob burst through the edge of the forest and saw me standing in front of the glass door. _There's nothing out there - you got that?_

I nodded in acknowledgement.

 _...used to being able to communicate both directions. So much easier with the pack! ...then again, probably don't wanna see what's in_ his _head..._

I glanced into the room behind me and felt a shudder ripple through my limbs as the burning pain which accompanied the knowledge that I was losing Bella tore through me again. Gesturing dismissively for the wolf to go back to his patrol, I turned back to my waiting family. "It was just a false alarm. Seth was upset about something else, and forgot we were listening for a signal. He's very young."

"Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort," Emmett muttered with a scowl.

"They have done us a great service tonight, Emmett, at great personal sacrifice," Carlisle scolded him. _...they say when the pack might show? Good that we have this advance warning, but there are eight of them against seven of us, assuming neither Rose nor Edward would be willing to leave Bella's side..._

"Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there." _...hate sitting here waiting. Just like Seattle all over again._

I turned to Carlisle, who hadn't heard my reassurances to Bella. "Seth doesn't think Sam will attack now. Not with us forewarned, and them lacking two members."

"What does Jacob think?"

"He's not as optimistic," I admitted.

Glad to be doing something helpful which didn't include combing through Carlisle's vast library, my brothers took up defensive positions near the door. Carlisle, Rosalie, and I simply watched Bella's uneasy sleep.

Even with the sedative, the creature wouldn't let her rest. Her body shook lightly from its movements, and now and again her breaths would stop. We watched the print-out continue from the ECG, but the fluctuations of her heart remained uneven and unhelpful. Carlisle eyed Bella's swollen stomach, and I heard him wondering if he could pick up any readings from the fetus with the electrodes.

He reached for one with the intention of placing them around Bella's stomach, but Rosalie hissed at him. "Don't touch her! You'll wake her up."

"Rosalie - "

"Don't start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that's all we're allowing."

He pressed his lips together and sighed through his nose, but turned away to study the monitors.

Bella twitched and coughed, causing a strand of her hair to flop over her beautiful face. I wanted to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, but Rose had already scolded Carlisle for disturbing her. Though I was grateful that she was finally sleeping, I hated not being able to hold her, to hear her voice, to see her eyes.

The strand of hair fluttered as Bella breathed out, and Rosalie did as I had wanted to and smoothed it away from her face.

Livid, I growled at her and clenched my fists. So the rules only applied to us? Carlisle couldn't touch her to treat her, and I didn't dare to touch my own wife, but _she_ could?

Emmett thrust himself between me and Rosalie, holding his hands ready to grab me should I decide to act on the fury he could clearly see on my face. "Not tonight, Edward. We've got other things to worry about."

I turned away from them, fighting my needs - my need for her, my need to save her from the creature, my need to take her out of my sister's care and back into mine - and saw Jacob watching me through the glass doors. After catching my eye, he took his paw from the porch rail that he was peering over and ran on all fours back into the forest.

I understood his need to run away from the pain of watching the girl he loved die for a monster, but there was nowhere for me to go. For the rest of her life, however long that might be, my place was by Bella's side.

* * *

 **A/N**

Hey y'all! If I don't get the chance to post again before then, I hope you all have a great holiday season, whatever you celebrate, and a safe and happy start to the new year.

~L


	31. Thirst

**31\. Thirst**

Thanks to the sedative, Bella slept the entire night. Near dawn, when the bottle containing the medication ran dry, we watched anxiously for her to rouse herself, but she continued to sleep without its assistance. She must have been more exhausted than I had suspected, and I was glad _it_ was letting her continue to rest.

No attack came, but the two wolves never wavered in their patrol. Unlike a vampire, the wolves' stamina wasn't inexhaustible, and they had switched off in the middle of the night so the younger wolf could sleep. I watched through Jacob's sleepy thoughts as he focused on Seth's early morning patrol.

Seth's howl carried over the forest, and Jacob was on his feet and beyond my reach before I could be certain what Seth had been reacting to. I had caught an awareness of the sound of something moving toward him - us - at great speed, but it didn't sound to him like the pack was attacking. My family retook their positions around Bella, while I watched anxiously through the glass door, waiting for a wolf mind to return within my range.

After a shorter time than I expected, Seth's thoughts came to me and through his, Jacob's. Another wolf stood in front of my old enemy. She was small and grey, and filled with a sense of excitement and determination. _Leah?_

Through Seth, I could hear her thoughts, just as I could hear Jacob's, but the rest of the wolves were still absent.

 _Hey, Edward, don't worry, man. It's just my stupid sister. There's no one else; the pack isn't attacking. You hear me?_

I nodded and turned back to my family, doing my best to ignore the pity in the young wolf's mind. I didn't want his pity any more than I wanted to hear Jacob's self-righteous anger, or Esme and Rosalie's excitement, or Jasper and Carlisle's worry, or Alice's fear and frustration.

I wanted to _act!_

Seth was soon out of my range again as he rejoined his small pack.

"Jacob's pack has gained a new member. Seth's sister just arrived."

Emmett's eyes lit up. "That's great! That means Sam's pack is down another member. There's no way they'll attack us now." _...hmm, maybe not so great ...really wanted to take on that grey one again..._

"That is good news," Carlisle agreed as everyone else nodded with relief. Though I was the only one who truly considered any of the wolves as a friend, they had been our allies only months ago, and none of us wanted to hurt the creatures who were directly responsible for the fact that we were all still alive.

A glance at Emmett had me considering the true meaning of the term _hurt._ Emmett would gladly have gone a few rounds against Paul, but my brother was always up for a tussle. That didn't mean he actually wanted to harm the man.

Soft as our words were, Bella's eyes fluttered and the crease formed between them as soon as I stopped speaking. Her breathing deepened as another ripple flowed across her stomach. She whimpered and pressed a hand to her side. When her eyes finally opened, they instantly locked on mine. I watched her swallow hard and place a calm smile on her face.

"May I examine you, Bella?" Carlisle requested, gesturing toward her stomach. She nodded weakly, and he gingerly probed Bella's rounded stomach. A slight frown crossed his features, though the expression was so brief I might have imagined it.

 _...it has not grown in two days... the rate it was growing before... unsure what it means, but it cannot be good... doubt it is ready to be born so soon... but how can I know? I cannot_ see _it!_

"What?"

"I am not sure, Bella."

She chuckled softly. "You're a terrible liar, Carlisle."

He smiled at her, but it didn't touch his eyes. As gently as he could, he said, "The fetus seems to have stopped growing. In human terms, it would be called failure to thrive. It is obviously still alive; I do not think any of us missed it moving just now, but I am concerned. I do not think the medications are doing either of you any good."

She nodded. "I didn't think they would. Thank you for trying anyways."

"At least you got a good night's rest," Rosalie said.

"Rest?" I snarled. "She doesn't need rest. She needs to be able to eat, not continue being beaten up from the inside. She needs it to be removed!"

"And it will be. When it's ready to be born, and not a moment sooner!" My sister and I glared at each other, but we both knew I was out of arguments.

After watching Rosalie and I scowl at each other for a full minute, Carlisle requested and received Bella's permission to move the leads onto her stomach so that he might attempt to read the fetus's electrical activity.

"Traditionally, fetal echocardiograms are done via ultrasound, but we already know that will not work."

Though none of us knew what to hope for - and in truth, I was afraid to hope for anything - we all watched as the needle flew wildly over the paper. Obviously there was a lot of electrical stimulation growing on within her, but trying to discern the rhythms of its heart or its brain was beyond the ability of the portable monitor. Carlisle sighed and detached the sensors from Bella's skin. As he gently cleaned off the adhesive, I caught Jacob's thoughts.

The wolf was frustrated and annoyed, his thoughts bounced from raging over being the leader of a pack he'd never wanted and anger toward the member who had just joined him. Through him, I could sense two sets of eyes and two noses taking in the forest as they ran circles around my home. The addition of Leah let them push their circuit out farther from the house, providing Bella with that much more protection.

As he neared our house, he pulled his form back together, and I was aware of the dulling of his senses as he shifted from wolf to human. A moment later, he was dressed in the shorts he'd left behind and striding toward our house.

"Jacob's back," I murmured to Carlisle. "And he's human."

"I think I will go speak with him," he said after a pause. _...not doing any good here... least I can thank the young man for once again saving my family... for what it is worth... how much longer I am going to be able to keep her alive... not that anything I am doing is even making a difference! Hate feeling so helpless... I am a doctor! I am supposed to save people!_

I tried to tune out Carlisle's frustrated thoughts. I knew he didn't want me to hear his despair, but he held images in his mind which I could not ignore. He remembered how Bella's loss had affected me previously, and how my loss had affected him so many times before. He'd lost me when I'd left to become a human hunter, when I'd disappeared after leaving Bella, then again when I'd left to hunt for Victoria, and he had come so close to losing me forever when I'd believed Bella to be dead.

He was already grieving for me, but even knowing the pain it would cause him, I had no intention of surviving Bella's death.

What good would it do anyone for me to live without her? Even if Jacob didn't kill me, even if I didn't kill myself, my family was going to lose me when I lost Bella. If my body survived, they wouldn't have me, not really - just an empty shell which looked like the man I once was. Would I even bother feeding? Certainly I'd never play music again. I felt a stab of my own grief for the joyous song I'd composed over our honeymoon which now would never be heard.

The house was far from silent. My siblings were discussing the books they had been reading, Esme was humming softly as she went through the motions of taking care of our house, and Carlisle and Jacob were talking in low voices on the front porch. They may as well have been miles away, discussing strangers whom I would never know.

All I could really hear was Bella's heart as it struggled, and her lungs as they failed to keep up with her body's demands. She held her hand out to me. I caught it and brought it carefully to my lips. I pressed her palm against my cheek and stood motionless as we held each other's eyes.

There was so much I wanted to say to her, but goodbye was never going to be one of them. I was afraid if I tried to tell her what she meant to me, to say how much I loved her, how much happiness she'd brought me over the past months since I'd met her, goodbye was what it would sound like, so I held my tongue.

I'd never been able to fully block out the thoughts of those around me, and Jacob's had always seemed to reach me through any din. From where they sat on the porch, his conversation with my father was audible to me so that I heard him even without my mind reading.

"She's family to you?"

"Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."

"But you're going to let her die," Jacob accused in a harsh voice.

I knew the words hurt my father if only because he heard in them my own arguments. _You know I won't survive losing her,_ I'd told him. _Either we kill it and change her now, or my death, Bella's, and Charlie's will only be the first you'll have directly on your conscience._

He felt the weight of Jacob's words and believed I was right to blame him. Together, he and I could have taken the fetus from Bella by force. If he'd have used his position as our father the day we'd come home, he could have made the others go along with my plan to remove it against her will.

But that was exactly the problem. It would have been against her expressed wishes. How could he do that to anyone, much less a member of his own family? True, he may not have had my permission to change me, nor Esme's, Rose's, or Emmett's, but none of us had said to him, "I don't want you to change me." Bella had. Bella knew exactly what she was risking, exactly what she had to lose and gain, and was making an informed choice.

I sighed with resignation. He could no more have taken the fetus after she'd told him she wanted it than he could have reached over and ripped out the throat of the wolf he was sitting beside, than he could have torn me apart and thrown me into a fire, or gone to the hospital and drank the entire staff there. Any of those acts would have amounted to the same thing, and my father had never been a killer.

"I can imagine what you think of me for that," he eventually whispered to Jacob. "But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her."

Jacob was remembering when Sam had used his position as Alpha to do essentially that very same thing. Sam had overruled any protests and commanded Jacob to come here and kill us, to participate in the death of the girl he loved and the people _she_ loved. If he hadn't been able to assume his own position as Alpha, we would all be dead, and Jacob - and the rest of the pack - would have been broken.

 _...not the same!_ the wolf tried to insist to himself. _...Sam was wrong, and Bella loves things that she shouldn't._

"Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that. She told me about... about Esme."

"I'd say there's an even chance at this point. I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are some conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail... there won't be anything for me to do."

As if to make his point for him, Bella's heart stuttered and faltered. She grimaced and took a few deeper breaths, and her heart resumed its uneven rhythm.

 _...everything's backwards! How could I be hoping for the opposite of everything I've ever wanted... what used to seem like the very worst thing in the world, now here I am praying that it happens... so messed up._

"What is that thing doing to her? She was so much worse last night. I saw... the tubes and all that. Through the window."

"The fetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her - and not just her, but the fetus as well - starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it _wants."_

 _...watching her starve to death is causing Edward more pain than any actions he may have taken in his past could possibly deserve. Please, God, my son is a good boy... don't do this to her, to him, to us, to me..._

 _...bad enough that monster is beating her up from the inside? No. Of course not. It's got to_ starve _her, too. Look at what its father is! It's just looking for someone to sink its teeth into, but it's not big enough yet, so it'll just suck the life out of its own mother. Out of Bella. I know what it wants. Isn't it obvious? It's a_ vampire! _It wants death and blood. Blood and death._

I wasn't sure if the fire I felt rippling through me was an echo of Jacob's wolf, or in response to my own fearful hope. How often had I called it a monster like me? A demon like me? _Like me!_ Of course. _Of course!_

It may have been part human, but it was part vampire, too. I remembered choking up the cake I'd eaten at our wedding, the few bites which had occasionally been unavoidable at Charlie's house, the pizza I'd eaten on our first lunch together, and various other foods I'd been forced to eat over the century. An unpleasant necessity, I'd called it when eating had made me vomit, but it _was_ a necessity. Eating human food wasn't just disgusting to my pallet. It wasn't only a waste of food, as I derived no nutrition from it. Human food may has well have been poison, and my body completely rejected everything other than blood, just as Bella's was rejecting the nutrition we were trying to force into her.

As I stood by Bella's side, rocked by my unfolding realization, I was vaguely aware that Jacob and Carlisle were continuing their conversation, speculating over the fetus's genetic make-up, and comparing it to that of Jacob's, but no science could hold my interest now.

It was a vampire, and vampires needed blood. That's _all_ we needed, physically speaking. Human blood did us the most good, of course, but any blood, lion, deer, and probably down to the lowly rat - not that I had any intention of ever testing _that_ theory - nourished us. It was starving, because it was a vampire who wasn't drinking any blood. It wasn't even drinking _her_ blood. Bella was starving, not anemic.

Desperately trying not to hope, but hoping anyways, I took a deep breath. "I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

A worried frown creased Bella's forehead. "What is it, Edward?"

I brushed my fingers down her cheek and smiled for her. "Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

My sister considered refusing on principle, but decided it was better to hear whatever schemes I had come up with for herself. "Esme? Can you mind Bella for me?"

My mother abandoned her pretense of cleaning and flitted downstairs. "Of course."

Striding toward the porch where my father sat with the wolf who hated - and yet protected - me, I tried not to allow myself to hope that once again, Jacob Black had saved our lives. I held the door for Rose as she walked through it and shut it behind us, not wanting Bella to hear my idea if Carlisle didn't think it would work. I didn't need her hopes dashed, too.

"Carlisle." I tried to find the words to express my idea, but blinked at him, speechless.

"What is it, Edward?"

I swallowed hard, and forced myself to say, "Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the... fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought."

 _Me? What had I thought? Besides my obvious hatred for the thing... at least he hates it too... using a term as mild as_ fetus.

 _...all the mutt's doing! Drag me out here for some lame idea..._

"We haven't actually addressed _that_ angle. We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the... fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

 _...cannot even see it... no idea know what it is, much less what it wants._ "I am not following you, Edward."

I took a step toward him, fighting my desire to spell it out. I wanted to hear _him_ say it. Somehow it felt like it would validate the idea if he came up with it, too. "Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves - what it's not getting? Jacob did."

"Oh. You think it is... thirsty?"

Rosalie gasped in excitement. No longer suspecting me of luring her away from Bella or attempting to convince Carlisle - with Jacob's help - to _make_ something happen, she instantly believed we'd hit on the solution. "Of course. Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea."

Rosalie, Jacob, and I were focused on Carlisle as he rubbed his chin absently.

"Hmm. I wonder..."

 _...did not consider it because she is not losing blood. If it needed blood, would it not have simply taken it from her? But perhaps the impenetrable membrane surrounding it is preventing that from happening. If it drained her before it was ready to be born, drinking from her would do more harm than good. Yes, yes, quite possible blood is what the fetus needs._

"And then, what would be the best way to administer..."

 _Transfusion would not work... it is not getting blood from her veins, so adding more volume would not help._

"We don't have time to be creative. I'd say we should start with the traditional way." Rose shook her head in exasperation. _When a mother has a craving, you_ feed _her! The baby will get what it needs in the way children always do._

"Wait a minute," Jacob whispered, and I could hear how appalled he was at our suggestion in his tone. "Just hold on. Are you - are you talking about making Bella drink _blood?"_

"It was your idea, dog," she sneered over her shoulder.

He was shaking his head as Carlisle pictured the way the fetus had continued to grow as long as Bella's limited body fat had fed it. She'd reached the end of her stored energy, and both she and the fetus were declining rapidly.

"That's just..."

There was a look of disgust on Jacob's face, and I supplied the words he was struggling with. "Monstrous? Repulsive?"

"Pretty much."

"But what if it helps her?"

"What are you gonna do? Shove a tube down her throat?"

I leveled a glare at him. "I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."

 _...nothing doctors haven't done for years when a patient can't eat for themselves._ _Big deal._ Rose sniffed in disdain. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube."

 _Baby? Blondie wants the kid? Is that the mystery factor that's bonding the two of them?_

Jacob had finally realized why my sister had been so inseparable from Bella when neither of them had liked the other before. I nodded, knowing he would understand it to be an answer to his unspoken question.

 _...huh... ice-cold Barbie has a maternal side... Not protecting Bella at all... probably just shove a tube down Bella's throat herself if she refused._

I pressed my lips together. I doubted she'd go that far. Rosalie was all about _choices._ I wanted to scream at them all in frustration. What about _my_ choice? Did I get no say in whether or not my wife brought a monster into the world? Especially when doing so was likely to end in both her death and mine?

"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this. What do you think, Carlisle?" Rosalie prompted. "Can we try?"

 _No reason not to at this point. If it doesn't help, I doubt it can hurt._ He filled his lungs with air and sprang to his feet. "We'll ask Bella."

Rose's face lit up, pleased at his answer and certain we'd found the solution.

 _...some kind of horror movie with monsters and blood all over the place..._

Doing my best to ignore Jacob, I led the way back inside. What he'd glimpsed through the window hadn't let him see how disproportionate Bella's swollen stomach was, nor how her normally translucent skin had lost all its pink shading.

 _...think she was already dead except her eyes and breathing..._

"What's going on?" Bella demanded. Her voice was weak, barely a whisper, but I heard the strength of her soul in the words. Her body may have been failing her, but she was spirited and as determined to see her child born as the day we'd discovered the pregnancy.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you. It won't be... pleasant, but - " Carlisle stalled, looking for the right way to present it.

Rosalie came to his rescue. "But it will help the baby. We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe." She tagged on the last word in defiance as she glanced toward Jacob, who was still hovering by the door.

A flicker of amusement crossed Bella's lovely face. "Not pleasant? Gosh, that'll be such a change." She coughed and eyed the IV Carlisle had placed the night before.

I wanted to sigh at her in frustration. My silly Bella was always worried over the wrong things. Afraid of a needle, when the creature she was protecting was starving her to death. Yet even in her weakened state, with perhaps one day left to live, she made jokes and tried to ease our strain.

 _That is so Bella..._ Jacob unknowingly agreed with me.

I took her hand in mine, to stroke the ring which hung loosely on her finger. Reminding myself that I was done with lying to her, I spoke plainly, "Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive."

"How bad?"

"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours," Carlisle explained. "We think it's thirsty."

She comprehended immediately. I saw her eyes grow wide and her mouth drop open. "Oh. _Oh."_

"Your condition - both of your conditions - are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory - "

Carlisle hesitated, but Bella saw what he meant without needing it spelled out for her. "I've got to drink it." She nodded, just a slight shifting of her chin up and down. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?"

Her lips pulled up at the corners as she looked at me, but I couldn't bring myself to smile back at her.

Rosalie was growing impatient. The sharp rapping of her fingernails against her arm cut through the uneven drum of Bella's pulse. Having been presented with the solution, she didn't understand why we weren't putting it into play already.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?"

I glanced at Carlisle. _...not sure that would work, but even if it would, we do not have time to go hunting... and the pack would likely catch us while we were out._

"What?"

"It will be more effective test if we do not cut corners, Bella," Carlisle explained.

Determined to remain truthful to her, I said, "If the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood." I watched her blink a few times as she took in that information. Her mouth twisted slightly, and fear filled her eyes.

As though trying to convince her to choose between cherry flavored medicine or grape, Rosalie crooned, "It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it."

"Who?" Bella whispered, glancing at Jacob.

I could hear the anger in his voice as he muttered, "I'm not here as a donor, Bells. 'Sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies."

 _Darn right, filthy mongrel!_ Talking over him, Rosalie said, "We have blood on hand for you - just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."

Bella caressed her swollen stomach, and her lips curved upward. "Well, _I'm_ starving, so I'll be he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

As soon as they had her approval, Rosalie and Carlisle sprinted up the stairs. Relishing the chance to touch her without being glared at by my sister, I kept my wife's hand in mine.

Bella's mind was silent, but her emotions were easy to discern. She watched me with a new sparkle in her eyes; she was hopeful, far more than I was. Willing to sacrifice herself Bella might be, but she didn't want to die.

I tried to come up with words of comfort or encouragement, but I failed to find any.

How could I expect her to do this? In the past, Bella had fainted from the sight and smell of blood. I considered suggesting a feeding tube along with another round of sedation, except... she was willing to try! If she remained awake, she'd be able to tell us if she felt a difference. We needed to know as soon as possible if this would work.

Of course, if it didn't, it wasn't as though I had an alternate plan to put into place. It seemed obvious to me now that blood was what a vampire fetus would need, but it wasn't getting any from Bella's bloodstream. If it couldn't get it from her digestive system, I didn't know how else we would provide blood to the thing. Human children got their nutrients from what the mother ate, after all. This _had_ to work!

Carlisle and Rosalie's voices drifted down to me from where they stood, surveying the refrigerated supply of blood Carlisle had procured.

"I have to be honest, the idea of drinking cold blood does not really appeal to me."

"Humans like cold drinks though, don't they?"

"Yes, but coffee is hot and so is tea."

"You're not suggesting we pour it into a pot and cook it on the stove top, are you?"

"Hardly. We could heat it the same way the hospital thaws frozen products. Let us place it in a hot water bath."

"It _would_ be more natural if it were warmed, but we don't have time to sit around waiting on water to boil."

"Then what would you suggest?"

"We could stick it in the microwave."

"A microwave would damage the cells and cause hot pockets which could burn her. A warm bath would be a better arrangement. The water would not have to reach a boil _._ We do not need to cook the blood, just heat it."

"It's not like we have to choose! Let's just start with what we have. If she doesn't like it cold, then we can warm the next one."

"Fine."

Rosalie sprinted to the kitchen, grabbed a cup, and turned to head back upstairs where Carlisle was preparing to open the first bag.

"Not clear, Rosalie," I muttered and rolled my eyes. It was bad enough Bella would know what she was drinking. She didn't need to _see_ it.

Bella eyed me, but I shook my head. The less she thought about what she was about to do, the less difficult it was likely to be. Rosalie replaced the first cup and snagged another which was white and had come with a lid. She grabbed a straw and streaked back upstairs.

"This was your idea?" Bella asked Jacob.

He left his place by the door to stand across from me. "Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."

A smile flickered across her face. "I didn't expect to see you again."

"Yeah, me, either." He shuffled his feet and glanced at me. _...guess standing or sitting is all the same when you're made of stone..._

"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry."

I wanted to roll my eyes at her. Of course she would blame herself and feel the need to apologize to Jacob for the actions he'd taken to save her life.

Jacob shrugged. "S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do."

"And Seth."

"He's actually happy to help."

I almost smiled as I thought of the gangly wolf who was running circles around our house. Seth had saved both my life and Bella's once already. More than that, he'd been my friend, something of which I had precious few. Even Emmett and Jasper didn't count; they were my brothers. The few humans who had been friendly to me over the years didn't know what I was, but if they had, they would have run away screaming. We knew quite a number of other vampires, but as they insisted on remaining killers, it was hard for me to consider them friends. Seth knew what I was and, despite his instincts, he liked me, and I him.

Though I had stuck to criminals of the worst sort, killing people had changed me, and not for the better. I shuddered to think of what it would have done to Seth if he'd been forced to kill me or my family. One day I would have to thank Jacob for giving him another option.

"I hate causing you trouble," Bella insisted.

Jacob gave a short, harsh laugh.

"I guess that's nothing new, is it," she asked with a wry twist to her lips.

"No, not really."

Bella's voice was only a hint of a whisper as she said, "You don't have to stay and watch this."

 _...leaving sounds like a pretty good idea, but... the way she looks... I don't wanna miss the last fifteen minutes of her life._

My lips pressed themselves into a hard line. Jacob's estimation wasn't far off. It had been such a short time ago that Bella had been vigorously healthy. She'd clambered over the island with me, had swum in the sea for hours, and still had plenty of energy left to love me. Now, she didn't even have the energy or strength to speak above a whisper. Her condition had declined so swiftly until even the very thing which was killing her was in trouble. If this didn't work, it was likely she would be dead before the sun set.

Clenching my teeth against the pain of that thought, I filled my eyes with the sight of her face, remembering the way she'd smiled at me as she walked down the aisle, the way her eyes would light with excitement as we explored the island, the way her face looked when she called my name in bed. I would have given anything to see that look again.

A terrible hatred filled me for the creature she was carrying, the thing that was killing her, the demon child I had actually longed to be able to give to her.

He tried to sound casual, but Jacob's voice trembled slightly when he said, "I don't really have anywhere else to go. The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up."

Her brows wrinkled. "Leah?"

"You didn't tell her?" he asked as he glanced my way.

I shrugged, uninterested in Seth's rather obnoxious sister.

A crease formed between Bella's eyebrows, and she whispered, "Why?"

"To keep an eye on Seth."

"But Leah hates us."

 _..._ _ **us**_ _. Nice... considers herself a bloodsucker already, and why not? ...married to one and about to_ _ **drink**_ _some to keep his bloodsucking, killer baby alive..._

"Leah's not going to bug anyone. She's in my pack, so she follows my lead."

Bella's expression remained concerned, though she didn't question him further.

"You're scared of _Leah_ , but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"

Though Carlisle was essentially immune to the scent of human blood, Rosalie was not, and had been holding her breath to avoid smelling what they were putting into the cup. Easily able to hear Jacob's voice, her held breath escaped through her teeth at Jacob's description.

 _...cool, she heard me..._

"Don't. Rose... understands."

"Yeah. She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."

Under any other circumstances, I'd have taken pleasure in Bella's words when she told the mutt, "Stop being a jerk, Jacob."

"You say that like it's possible."

Bella pressed her lips together before giving into the smile. Despite everything, I couldn't stop the jealousy I felt from seeing her smiling at _him._

A second later, Carlisle and Rosalie returned downstairs. There was a look of uncertainty on his face as he held out the cup for her to take. I wasn't bothering with holding my breath and felt an increase in the fire which raked my throat as I detected the blood in the cup he held. It wasn't important. In comparison to the fire which had been burning in my veins for days from the knowledge that I was losing Bella, a little bit of thirst was nothing, and nothing new, in any event.

Bella eyed the cup Carlisle was offering to her, and a look of fear entered her eyes. Carlisle saw it and said, "We could try another method."

"No. No, I'll try this first. We don't have time..." She lifted a shaky hand to caress her swollen stomach and reached out with the other for the cup which Carlisle held. I was worried she would drop it, she seemed to have so little strength left. Though it shook in her hand, she kept her grip on the cup, but wasn't able to raise herself enough drink from it. Rose slid a hand under Bella's shoulders, easily supporting her so that the fragile human girl could drink the liquid we all desperately hoped would save her life.

"Thanks."

Bella hated to be the center of attention, and her eyes flickered around the room. Four pairs of eyes stared back at her, waiting for her to drink the blood in the cup.

"Don't mind them," Rosalie whispered encouragingly. _...come on, Bella. Try. Try for him. Your baby needs you... come on! Try!_

I heard a similar chant in Carlisle's mind as he waited. So far, she hadn't been able to keep anything down, even foods which she had always loved before or those which were supposed to help with nausea. Especially since she'd seemed so sensitive to the scent of blood before, he was concerned that even if she managed to choke down the cool, sweet-smelling liquid in the cup, she wouldn't be able to keep it down. If her body rejected it while she was awake, there was no guarantee that even sedation would help. He worried that if he tried feeding tube, and it came up, she would aspirate it.

Bella leaned forward and raised the cup to sniff at the end of the straw. She jerked back from it with a look of alarm and an increase in the fear in her eyes.

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," I said and reached to take the offending cup from her.

"Plug your nose," Rosalie suggested and glared at me. _At least let her try before you give up!_

"No, that's not it. It's just that it - " Bella took a deep breath and glanced guiltily around at us. "It smells good."

My sister's eyes lit up with excitement. "That's a good thing. That means we're on the right track. Give it a try."

 _...so disgusting... why doesn't she just break into a victory dance?_

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, held her breath, and wrinkled her nose as she shoved the straw between her lips. I watched as she pulled on the straw and saw the muscles work as she swallowed her first sip of blood. She moaned low in her throat, and I worried she was going to get sick right away, though I didn't think her body had the strength left to vomit.

"Bella, love - " My breath caught as I brushed my fingers against her cheek.

"I'm okay." She opened her eyes, and the fear which had been in them before had grown into a near panic. "It _tastes_ good, too."

"That's good. A good sign." Rosalie's tone was soothing as she silently encouraged her to drink more.

Trying to combat the obvious disgust on Jacob's face and in his thoughts, I shaped my hand to the curve of Bella's face, encouraging her to look at me, not him. I was about to suggest she take another sip when she did so on her own, but unlike the first which had been tentative, this one was longer and stronger.

"How is your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?" Carlisle pressed.

"No," she said with a slight shake of her head in my hand. "I don't feel sick. There's a first, eh?"

Rosalie's excitement was palpable as she said, "Excellent."

"I think it is a bit early for that, Rose," Carlisle chided her. _...get everyone's hopes up until she can keep this down for more than an hour..._

Bella took another long drink from the cup and took her eyes from Jacob to meet mine. "Does this screw my total? Or do we start counting _after_ I'm a vampire?"

"No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean."

Of all the things for her to be worried about! She knew the debate between my brothers over the numbers of people she would kill her first year, as well as my own worry over what even one murder would do to her, but this blood had been willingly donated by humans to save other humans' lives. That it was being drunk rather than transfused made no difference. If it saved her life, it was serving the purpose for which it had been given.

 _...'kay, now she's lost me..._

Not wanting Jacob to pester Bella right then, or to have to concentrate on anything other than her reaction to the blood, I whispered to him, "I'll explain later."

She caught either some of what I said or just the fact that I had moved my lips, and looked at me curiously. "What?"

"Just talking to myself," I lied before remembering that I was supposed to be telling her the truth now. Damn, but that was going to be a hard habit to break!

Bella accepted my lie as easily as ever and looked away from me to stare through the glass door.

 _...know, bloodsucker, if she lives through this, you're going to have to work on the whole honesty thing. Won't be so easy to lie to her when her senses are as sharp as yours._

My lips twitched in amusement, and I actually had to try to not laugh at him. Of course, if she survived this pregnancy, so many of my reasons for lying to her would no longer exist. I'd only ever been trying to protect her... I fought back a sigh, recognizing that lying to myself was going to be an even harder habit to break.

Rosalie was still supporting Bella's shoulders, but she seemed to be balancing on her elbow better and holding the cup easier. When first Bella had taken the cup into her hand, the blood inside had audibly sloshed around due to the trembling of her hands, but now, Bella's hand was steady and her grip firm. Rose, Carlisle, and I were all noting the changes as she raised the straw to her lips to take another long drink.

Jacob, on the other hand, was watching in morbid fascination, like a human who was horrified by a terrible car crash, yet unable to look away

 _...no one else here would be disgusted by what she's doin', just me. No, I bet they're all probably havin' a tough time not ripping the cup away from her..._

How absurd could he get _?_ Carlisle was a _doctor!_ Didn't the mutt realize he was exposed to fresh, flowing human blood every day? That blood was far more appealing than the cold and chemically altered stuff in Bella's cup.

Although my control wasn't near where Carlisle's was, I _had_ drunk Bella's blood and had stopped myself before killing her. There was no other blood which would ever hold the appeal for me that hers did. Rosalie may have had neither my resistance to Bella, nor Carlisle's resistance to blood in general, but the only other woman I'd ever met who was more stubborn than my wife was my sister. Rose was determined to do whatever it took to see to it that Bella and her child be safely born, and if that meant smelling human blood, then so be it.

 _...jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's really too bad the bloodsucker can't hear her thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap outta her, too, and she'd get tired of him..._

This time I couldn't hold back my snort of amusement. My mind-reading had annoyed Rosalie to no end over the past century, and I wondered if Jacob could be right. Bella did love that I couldn't hear her thoughts, but she also seemed to like that she was the only one whom I couldn't hear. Sure, she claimed it must be because her brain didn't work right, but I knew it was because she was special.

No doubt surprised to hear my low chuckle, Bella's eyes snapped from the door to my face. There was still a slight smile on my lips, and I was pleased to see hers curve in response. "Something funny?"

I shrugged, not wanting to go into detail, and simply said, "Jacob."

Bella glanced at Jacob, smiled again, and said, "Jake's a crack-up."

 _...great, just what I always wanted: to be the court jester._ "Bada _bing."_

Bella favored him with another smile before taking a long pull from the cup. I wasn't the only one surprised by the sound of her draining the last of the liquid from the bottom. Looking away from her, I met Carlisle's eyes briefly before returning my gaze to Bella's face.

 _...look at her... Edward, you can see it already. You were right, son. It's a vampire, of course it is... It only stands to reason that it needs blood to live._

"I did it," Bella said in triumph. "If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"

He nodded reassuringly. "As soon as possible. Honestly, they are not doing that much good where they are."

Rose brushed her hand over Bella's face, noting the blush which had returned to her cheeks. It was just a hint of color, but that hint made the hope I'd been trying to keep at bay flare up within me.

"Would you like more?" Rosalie offered.

The look of fear returned to Bella's eyes, and I shot a glare at my sister. Wouldn't it be better to take this a little slower? Of course, she didn't have the time to be slow, but I didn't want to overload her and ruin the experiment by pushing things. "You don't have to drink more right away."

"Yeah, I know. But... I _want_ to." Bella bit her lip, seemingly ashamed of the admission.

My sister ran her fingers through Bella's once lustrous hair. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that. Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here."

Though my sister's words were initially addressed to Bella, her last sentence was obviously directed at Jacob, who was having a hard time keeping the disgust off his face. She had heard his unintentional expressions of revulsion just as I had, and the wolf understood at once that Rose had been speaking to him.

 _...so what if it grosses me out... hadn't said anything, and I_ am _glad that Bella is feeling better..._

"I'll be right back," Carlisle said after he took the empty cup from her hand.

Bella turned her gaze back to the dog who still stood by the front door. "Jake, you look awful."

"Look who's talking."

"Seriously - when's the last time you slept?"

A crease appeared on his forehead as he stopped to consider the answer to her question. Apparently he'd been having trouble sleeping while Bella and I had been on our honeymoon. Certain that Bella wouldn't return with me, he'd already been grieving. Now, he'd been awake and on alert the entire day and night, keeping a look-out for my family. Anyone could tell he was exhausted, and it didn't surprise me that the fact didn't escape Bella's notice.

"Huh. I'm not actually sure."

"Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid."

... _allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?_

"Get some rest, please. There's a few beds upstairs - you're welcome to any of them."

 _I don't know about all that... one thing to invite my brother's human wife to sleep in my bed. It's quite another to do the same with a flea bitten_ mutt _. I'd never get that stench out... have to replace the entire thing!_

 _...sheesh, what's Sleepless Beauty need with a bed anyways. Is she that possessive over her props?_

"Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."

 _...keep your stench away from_ me _, you mean..._

"Right," Bella said with a twist to her lips.

Carlisle returned with the cup in his hand, filled with another donated unit of blood for Bella to drink. She reached for it automatically, but as she brought the straw back to her lips, she looked out of the glass doors, rather than any of us or the cup in her hand. She must have felt awkward about what she was drinking, but also about the fact that we were all watching her drink it.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to look away. With every mouthful, her condition improved. I could hear the rhythm of her heart take on a more even pace and saw the way she was able to support herself easier.

Before she had finished the second cup, she pulled herself upright and sat, unassisted, with her legs folded in front of her. Rose kept her hands held ready in case Bella's new-found strength should falter, but her help was unnecessary. Bella was breathing deeply and sucking the second cup of blood down as steadily as the first.

Was it possible that she _could_ carry the fetus to term, and then survive its birth? I'd been so certain of her death and mine that I hadn't thought of what her survival would mean. When I'd thought of the thing she was carrying, it was only with hatred and a desire to end its life for taking Bella's. But if Bella gave birth to the demon and lived... What would that mean? What would it be? I couldn't in good conscience kill it if it didn't kill her.

Bella worried over the human deaths she would cause after her transformation even to the point of wanting to add the donated units to her tally, but if she brought a killer into the world, it wouldn't matter if she herself never took a human's life. As Carlisle wanted to accept the guilt for my kills, so Bella would be responsible for those of her child. With the way she was drinking the blood down, I couldn't pretend the thing she carried was any less dangerous now than it had been an hour earlier. The only difference was, if they both lived, it would have her to protect it after its birth.

What was I to do then? Carlisle could never procure enough donated units to satisfy the thing as it grew. If it stopped growing once separated from her body, his supply would quickly run out, and when it did, would the thing begin seeking the nourishment it required straight from the source? Would it be capable of listening to Bella and refrain from going on a murderous rampage? Would it be _willing_ to listen to her, or to any of us? If it grew, could it be expected to develop mentally as well, or would it be like the children Carlisle had known in Volterra, and remain infantile for the rest of eternity?

I couldn't expect Bella would love it any less either way.

Carlisle was watching Bella's obvious improvements with a doctor's eye, counting her pulse and breathing rates, watching her color as it returned, seeing the way she held herself straighter and with more strength than she had shown in days. When Bella emptied the cup for a second time, he asked her, "How do you feel now?"

"Not sick," Bella said firmly. She frowned and thought before adding, "Sort of hungry... only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or _thirsty,_ you know?"

"Carlisle, just look at her. This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more."

"She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again." He turned to the girl I loved with a smile. "Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?"

Without hesitating, she immediately said, "Eggs." After she spoke, her eyes sought mine and Bella smiled, surely remembering how I'd pointed out all the eggs she'd insisted on eating during our honeymoon. I returned her smile, but my worry and fear remained.

 _...interesting... Edward told me of her craving for eggs on their honeymoon... wonder if there is something in the egg which the fetus requires... may contain some kind of protein or amino acid or chemical that it needs... her body obviously knows what it needs, but as she never drank blood before, she couldn't very well request_ that. _Wonder if she would have wanted liver, had that been a food with which she was familiar._ Carlisle began mentally reviewing the vitamins and minerals specific to eggs versus other common foods in an effort to better understand what it was about eggs that she was craving.

Jacob's sigh drew my attention. His shoulders were slumped, and he was listing slightly to one side. He was blinking slowly and his eyes were glazed. If I hadn't been able to hear his thoughts, I would have wondered if he were even really awake.

"Jacob. You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside." Rosalie was unwilling to let him use her bed, but I didn't care if he used mine. The few nights I had spent in it had been with Bella. If by some miracle I was able to lie in it beside her again, not even the stench of the wolf would bother me. Of course, we also had another bed waiting for us, but I didn't dare to hope Bella and I would get to live in the house Esme had been preparing for us.

Jacob frowned, not seeming to like the idea of leaving. He pictured the way she'd looked before drinking the blood and worried this improvement was only temporary.

I tried to reassure him, "Don't worry about anything - I promise I'll find you if there's a need."

"Sure, sure," he muttered as he turned toward the door. _...go curl up under a tree somewhere... get far enough to escape the smell... bloodsucker better wake me if something goes wrong... he owes me._

"I do," I agreed fervently. I owed Jacob more than I would ever be able to repay. I owed him my life and Bella's many times over, and that this newest reason hadn't been one he had contributed to intentionally didn't matter. His realization of what the demon child needed had saved Bella yet again.

He gingerly placed one of his huge hands over her tiny, fragile one. "Feel better," he murmured.

"Thanks, Jacob." Not content to simply let him touch her hand, she turned it over in his grip and squeezed his with more strength than she'd had in days.

He gave her a tiny smile, just a twitch at the corner of his lips, before turning toward the door. As he walked away, he grumbled, "Get her a blanket or something."

I frowned, surprised at his suggestion. I'd been aware of the way her hand had felt to him, but then, his body temperature was always high, so hers _should_ have felt cool. I had also struggled lately to feel her warmth, but had thought that was due to my despair. I should have figured that the monster was stealing all of her warmth for itself, just as it had stolen everything else.

Before I could act on Jacob's suggestion, two distinct howls sounded. Since Jacob was in human form and Seth and his sister weren't within my range, I couldn't be sure it was them, but whoever it was sounded far too close for it to be any of Sam's pack unless they had somehow managed to sneak past our guardians' patrol.

 _...no misunderstanding this time._ "Dammit," Jacob growled as he launched himself out the door and leapt off the porch. He changed forms mid-leap and burst out of his shorts. _Crap! Those were the only clothes I had... oh well, doesn't matter now._

With a pang of remorse, I recalled the many times I had laughed at him for being forced to tie his clothes to his body while in wolf form unless he wanted to appear naked when he retook his human form. Now he was without his family, his home, and without a single article of clothing, all to protect the girl who loved us both, but had chosen me.


	32. Delegation

**32\. Delegation**

"What's going on?" Bella asked.

At the same time, Jacob thought, _What is it?_

 _Incoming... at least three,_ Seth answered.

 _Did they split up?_

Through Jacob's mind, I saw the forest from three different perspectives. Seth's view wasn't moving as he held his position at the place where he had detected the approaching wolves. Jacob's view was of the trees he was sprinting past, as was Leah's. Jacob was pushing himself nearly as fast as he could go, but the speed at which Leah was running made Jacob look like he was strolling.

I blinked in surprise. Leah was fast! I wouldn't have been surprised if she could have kept pace with _me_. As she ran, she thought, _I'm running the line back to Seth at the speed of light. So far, no other point of attack._

 _Seth, do_ not _challenge them. Wait for me._

"Seth hears some wolves approaching him," I said. "Leah and Jacob are on their way to join him."

Bella inhaled sharply, surely worried there was about to be a violent confrontation between the two packs. "Edward. Do something."

"What would you have me do?"

"Go help them."

"I'm not leaving you."

"They're outnumbered. They'll get _hurt._ Please, Edward, you have to help them." Seeing me continue to shake my head, she turned to my father. "Carlisle!"

Before he could answer, I said, "Be patient, love. Jacob knows what he's doing. If their aim is to talk, having one of _us_ there wouldn't help matters. If they're coming as an attack party, they aren't doing so in a very strategic manner. They have the ability to move quietly. They aren't hiding their approach, nor are they coming at us from more than one direction - at least, not as far as Leah has been able to detect."

Carlisle and Rosalie exchanged a glance before nodding. For once, we were all in agreement. Seeing that none of us planned on going to stand with the wolves, Bella pressed her lips together in an unhappy line while she glared at me with worry in her eyes.

Hearing the change in the cadence of the approaching wolves' strides, Seth said, _They're slowing. Ugh - it's so_ off _not being able to hear them._

I snorted.

"What is it, son?"

"Seth is used to being able to hear the other wolves, but the separate packs can't hear each other. It's rather disconcerting to be so used to hearing minds, and then to suddenly find that you can't." I gave Bella a wry smirk. She didn't seem to appreciate my amusement and wrinkled her nose.

 _Can you hear the others?_

I shook my head again. "Seth is just past the edge of my range. I wouldn't be able to hear him at all if he wasn't connected to Jacob, and the others are farther, still."

"Will you be able to hear any of them once they are all together?"

I shrugged, but didn't answer, concentrating on listening and watching through the three sets of wolf eyes. Everyone was watching me intently, waiting with me to find out whether or not we were under attack.

 _I think they've stopped._

 _Waiting for the rest of the pack?_

 _Shh. Feel that?_

I closed my eyes, trying to understand the impressions coming from the wolves' minds. They were aware of a subtle change which was beyond my comprehension. I only knew of it because they did, and couldn't have identified it if Jacob hadn't defined the difference for me.

 _Someone's phasing?_

 _Feels like it._

Leah reached her brother at that point, her speed causing her body to swing around as she halted her forward momentum. The dirt and leaf litter flew up around her as she skidded to a stop before placing herself between Seth and the approaching wolves. _Got your back, bro._

 _They're coming. Slow. Walking._

 _Almost there._ As fast as Jacob was running, still he was unable to reach the speed of Leah's sprint. I was aware of an anxiety in him. He didn't like being separated from his pack. He was their Alpha and should be there to protect them, to stand beside them as they confronted the other pack.

 _Look who's getting all paternal..._

 _Head in the game, Leah._

 _Four,_ Seth abruptly announced. _Three wolves, one man._

I was impressed that he was able to distinguish their numbers and their forms based on the sound of their steps and strained to keep in contact with Jacob's mind. A moment later, he burst into the clearing where the other two waited. I found myself pressed against the glass door, trying to get as close to them without leaving the house as was possible. My gift was stretched in their direction as far as I could reach, but I could no longer hear Seth or Leah at all. I could just barely catch Jacob's mind, and his was faint.

It was frustrating, like listening to a radio that wasn't quite tuned into the station, and all that could be heard was the occasional note or word through the static. I caught flashes of what Jacob was seeing, a hint of the rich, earthy smell of the forest, but either he wasn't thinking any words, or I couldn't pick them up.

"Edward, talk to us," Carlisle pressed me.

 _"Shh!"_ He'd broken my concentration, and I lost Jacob completely. "Damn it," I muttered and focused on regaining the connection I'd lost. After several seconds of complete silence, I caught a sharp flare of anger and heard Seth's mind as he shouted, _Overreaction? And attacking our allies without warning_ _ **isn't?**_

Relieved, I said, "They're just talking. But I can't... quite..."

Straining harder, I touched another mind when it, too, burned with anger. _...don't feel_ comfortable _with murder, huh?_

I recognized the mental voice as Jacob's and fought to maintain my hold on his thoughts.

An image of a member of Sam's pack swam into focus. He was holding up his hands to placate the snarling wolf in front of him, for Jacob was snarling furiously at the young man who'd been his brother. His anger was making his thoughts and senses easier to catch.

 _"...going to wait_ _...decide later if there's a problem with the... thing."_

"They're going to wait," I told my family. "They say they're not going to attack unless they decide it's a problem after it's born."

 _Ha! What a load._

 _...don't buy it?_

 _...know what they're thinking Jake..._ Sam's _thinking... Bella dying anyway... figure you'll be so mad..._

 _...I'll attack myself._ His mind filled with anger again, agreeing with Leah's assessment of Sam's motives.

"Leah thinks that Sam thinks Bella will die when it's born, and Jacob will attack me and the fetus himself. No point in attacking Jacob now when waiting will mean the same end result with no risk to any of the rest of his pack."

 _...thing kills Bella... be easy to forget how I feel about their family... look like nothing more than bloodsucking leeches all over again... my enemies once more..._

 _...I'll remind you..._

 _...but will I listen?_

 _"Jake?"_

 _...Leah... be sure... talk to him... be_ positive _there isn't... going on while..._

 _...in front of me... naked before... doesn't do much for me..._

 _...protect our backs! Get out of here..._

Leah turned away from the group and sprinted through the forest toward our house to run the wide perimeter they'd established as our protected territory. As she got closer, I used her mind to establish a firmer link with Jacob and Seth.

 _"Where's she going?"_

There was a shift in Jacob's senses as he retook human form. Human again, I couldn't hear him through Leah, but I could hear him directly. His human mind was easier for mine to identify with - I couldn't hear the thoughts of normal animals, after all. I didn't have to strain so hard to hear him and was able to track Leah's progress as she ran the wide circle around our house. Relieved that we weren't about to be snuck up on when our attention was diverted elsewhere, I redoubled my attempt to hear Jacob's mind while maintaining contact with hers.

The other wolf in his human form was unfamiliar to me, though I'd heard him along with all the others during the fight with the army. Perhaps I simply didn't know him as well as I knew Jacob, or he was just that much farther away from me so as to be out of my reach. I supposed it didn't matter why I heard one's mind and not the other's, so long as I heard their conversation.

 _"Oh. Hey, Jake."_

 _"Hey, Jared."_

 _"Thanks for talking to me."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"We want you to come back, man."_

 _"I don't know if it's that easy, Jared."_

Speaking slowly, I related their conversation to my family. "Jacob is in human form and talking to Jared. He's trying to convince Jacob to go back home, but Jacob is refusing. He wants Jacob to let Seth and Leah go home. Jacob told him he's been trying to convince them to do just that from the start. Jacob says things couldn't just go back to normal even if he did go home. Once he took on the position of Alpha, he's stuck that way... It sounds as though, before Jacob left the pack, he and Sam were a lot closer to fighting for leadership than he let on to me earlier. He _can't_ just return to them; there can't be two Alphas in one pack.

"Jared is pointing out that if the reservation isn't his home... then... Jacob doesn't have one. He and Seth and Leah... they're... homeless, with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and Jacob ruined the last of his clothes just now when he took wolf form. So he doesn't even have that much." I frowned, feeling bad for the three wolves who had given up everything to save those who had once been their enemies. "As wolves, they can at least catch their meals, hunting animals just like we do, but Jared says Leah doesn't enjoy eating raw meat.

"Jacob is insisting that Leah is free to choose, as is Seth. He's not willing to take away their freedom like Sam had tried to do when he commanded Jacob and Seth to attack us. Jared is expressing Sam's regret for his actions. Jacob says he isn't angry anymore, but that doesn't change anything. He says he's going to wait, too. He says..." I paused, astonished, before relaying his words once more. "He says Bella isn't the only member of our family that deserves their protection.

"Jared has given up trying to convince Jacob and is trying to convince Seth now, telling him that his mother is heart-broken at losing both of her children so soon after the death of their father. Of course that made Seth unhappy, but Jacob's calling that a bluff, telling him that they've only been gone one day, and Sue is hardly dying of loneliness with Jacob's dad and the tribe's elders for company. Jacob assured Seth that he could leave if he wanted, but Seth refused.

"Leah's back from circling our house." I shared Jacob's admiration for her speed. Under other circumstances, I might even have challenged her to a race. Whenever I raced against my family, I always had to assume some sort of handicap to make it fair - giving them a head start, or obliging myself to run in an awkward crouch, for instance. The wolf girl's speed would have made a race with her an even competition, which was something I hadn't had since Emmett's newborn days.

"She didn't find any trace of the wolf pack, so we're safe here for now. They weren't trying to trick us. Jared's trying to convince Leah to go home, now. He says she has no ties to us." Jacob's ties to my family were obvious in his relationship with Bella, and they all knew that Seth and I were friends, but Leah had never failed to express her disgust toward us, which was something that I could tell still existed now. I had to admit that, despite trusting Jacob's judgement, having a protector who hated me was unnerving.

 _...ties to_ them _, but I_ will _protect and support my brother... Jacob gives me a freedom and equality I_ never _had as Sam's pathetic ex-girlfriend... don't tell_ me _where my loyalties lie!_

Her actions made a sudden sense to me. I'd seen her misery when the pack had watched my family training to fight the newborn army, and knew that they had not treated her as an equal. Sam had hesitated to spar with her, believing her to need protecting, rather than seeing her as a protector. Of course, in treating her as weak, he made her weaker by denying her the same benefits of fight training that the others had. They may not have been friends, but Jacob was more than willing to give her an even share of the obligations he and Seth felt to keep my family safe, and she was grateful.

"Huh."

"What?" Bella whispered.

I shook my head, not willing to go into details about my insights into the wolf girl's motives when I needed to concentrate on the conversation at hand.

"Jared is pleading with her for Sam, even resorting to using Sam's old terms of endearment to beg her to return to their pack. Although, _that_ effort seems to have backfired." I snorted at the inventive and rather vulgar ways in which she was telling him off. Though she was in wolf-form, she seemed to get her meaning across quite clearly, and Seth - who could hear her words - was eyeing her in open admiration.

"Jacob is telling them that his pack and Sam's are all still family, but until the... until it is born, Sam's pack should keep away from us to avoid any unwanted fighting. Jared agrees that none of them want to fight the other. Jacob says when... after... we'll leave, and Seth and Leah can return to the reservation. Jacob will..."

I hesitated, not wanting to tell Bella that Jacob planned on turning wolf full time and running away again, as he had done before our wedding. She would hurt for her friend when she needed to concentrate on conserving her limited strength.

"They've left. Jacob doesn't believe that there will be an attack, but since he can't hear their minds, he's still worried and sending Seth and Leah to patrol again. He's on his way back."

My mouth twisted as I saw their reaction to Jacob's memory of Bella drinking blood. It was a testament to our friendship that when his surprise wore off, Seth was able to see it from our point of view. As he said, we _were_ vampires. What else would a vampire baby drink?

Glancing around the room, I was surprised to see the rest of my family had joined us in the living room. I'd been concentrating so hard on the packs that I hadn't even heard them come in, nor had I heard them rearranging the furniture. Our living room was back to normal, and Bella was wrapped in several thick blankets on the couch.

I almost smiled, seeing her health returning so quickly. She was clutching the white cup again, which had been refilled during my distraction.

"Edward, what will Jacob do?" Bella demanded in a low voice.

"He's coming back to sleep outside, like he was planning earlier," I said, deliberately misunderstanding her.

"That's not what I meant. You said Seth and Leah will go back to the reservation, but you didn't say what Jacob would do."

I sighed. I should have known she would never let that go. Reminding myself - _again_ \- not to lie to her, I said, "He had already been planning on going wolf once he found out whether or not I'd killed you on our honeymoon. Whatever else happens after it's born, he's not going to want to hang around with a bunch of vampires."

"He's going to disappear again."

"It's his choice, Bella. He never wanted to see you like us," I reminded her quietly. "And if you don't survive, he'll have even less reason to want to stay."

Her mouth twisted down as she chewed on her lip, but she didn't question me further.

"Edward, I'm concerned about something," Esme said with a frown.

I saw her remember watching me stand by the door with my eyes closed and a look of concentration on my face. I heard my voice in her memory as I described the wolves' homelessness. She glanced past me to the ground just off the porch where the shredded remains of Jacob's shorts were fluttering in the grass.

"What do you suggest, Esme? Their situation is temporary; Bella's pregnancy won't last much longer. You can't build them a home in time even if they would use it."

 _They could use ours._

"You're forgetting how we smell to them. Staying here wouldn't be an improvement to sleeping outside."

She put her hands on her hips, giving me her stern mom look. _...being difficult on purpose._

"I am not!"

 _They may prefer to sleep outside, but Jacob can't want to walk around naked._

"Well, that's true enough. I suppose Alice could order some clothes for him, but..."

"With all the clothes we have here already?"

Exasperated by her persistence, I pointed out, "I don't have anything that would fit him."

"Mine might," Emmett offered.

Esme beamed at my brother. "Go pick something out for him please, Emmett. Even if he refuses, we will at least have tried."

A few seconds later, Emmett returned, carrying some folded clothes which he placed on the porch where Jacob would be sure to see them upon his return.

 _...not attacking, we should raise the shutters. The sun would be good for Bella._

I nodded at my mother. "Yes, Esme, please do."

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett returned to Carlisle's library to continue their research, and also to get away from the smell of blood which was permeating the living room. Although capable of resisting the scent, Emmett couldn't deny the burn searing his throat. Jasper was maintaining control only because he refused to breath or even look in Bella's direction. It was easier for both of them to just stay away.

By the time Jacob trotted back into our yard, our house had returned to normal. The wide glass walls were letting in the morning light, and Bella was no longer laying on the hospital bed, though Carlisle insisted on continuing to give her glucose through the IV.

 _Everything's cool,_ Jacob thought to me. I watched as he investigated the clothes Emmett had left for him before taking them into the woods to change. He seemed to be glad for something to wear, even if they smelled bad and didn't quite fit.

Rose turned on the television so that we could pretend to have something to do besides watch Bella and took up her position by Bella's head, sitting on the floor where she could quickly provide the bowl for Bella to get sick into should she feel the need again.

Unlike with all of the food she had eaten since our return, Bella didn't look as though she was fighting to keep the blood down. Instead, her color was returning to her skin, the sparkle had come back to her lovely brown eyes, and her smile as she looked at me held real warmth.

She held out her hand to me and invited, "Sit with me?"

"You need to get warm. I won't exactly help you with that."

"I'm almost _too_ hot under all these blankets."

"Alright then," I said with a pleased smile and sat beside her to pull her blanketed feet into my lap. "But tell me if you get uncomfortable, either way."

Smiling back at me, she sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions as she took another long drink from the cup she held.

Once the metal shutters had returned to their hidden homes, Carlisle pulled Esme over to one of the wide windows with a look of concern on his face. They spoke in low murmurs, so that Bella shouldn't have been able to tell they were even talking, much less to hear what they were saying, but of course I could.

"Esme, I am only asking you to reconsider what this means."

"I have. It means Bella's chances are better than ever."

"For lasting until the fetus is ready to be born, perhaps. But what I want you to think about is not what it means for Bella, but for the child."

"I don't see how anything has changed."

"On the contrary, my dear. This is confirmation that what she is carrying is more vampire than human."

"So are we."

"And so were the immortal children I once knew."

"You've made this argument already, Carlisle. Bella is not going to give up her baby just because our laws dictate that it shouldn't exist."

"No, dearest, that is not what I mean. Do you see how quickly she is going through the supply of blood I brought home? What are we going to feed it when it is born?"

"You can get more. People make donations every day."

"Those are meant to save human lives, Esme! Not to feed a vampire child."

"So the lives of strangers mean more to you than your own family?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Of course not. But the supply is not endless. There is a stockpile, but once that is gone, keeping this child alive could cost the lives of many innocents. Even if it never feeds from a human directly, robbing them of something that could save their lives means we would be indirectly harming those in need. Add to that the fact that we are immortal, and I would have to think the child would be, too. That means potentially millions of lives lost due to this one vampire child's thirst."

"That's absurd. When he's old enough, we'll teach him to drink animals, just as we do."

"We have no guarantee that it _can_ be taught! The children in Volterra could not."

"That's just a bridge we will have to cross when we come to it."

"Esme..."

"No. Listen to me, Carlisle, please. I know you're worried, and I can't lie to you. We _all_ are. But until we know for certain that Bella's child is what you fear, can we not hope for the best?"

"I do. I _always_ have. Every day of my long life."

"Then hope with me Carlisle. Our family has been incomplete for so long. Once Edward found Bella, I thought it couldn't get any better than all of us together. The only thing missing is what I lost, what Rose has never had, and what Alice has never known how to miss."

"You are living vicariously through her, my dear, and that is a very dangerous thing. You are already attached to it to the point where you and Rose were willing to let Bella _and_ Edward die for it."

"That's not fair, Carlisle!"

"No. It is not. It is not fair to him, nor to me. Have you thought of what will happen to us if we lose our son again?"

"Of course," she whispered. "He already threatened to kill himself should Bella not survive."

"How can you accept his death so easily?"

"I'm not. No, wait, just hear me out, alright? You see how attached Bella is to her baby. Do you recall how you found me?"

"Yes, but - "

"She is willing to sacrifice her life for her child's. Do you think she would hesitate to follow it if we kill it?"

"Well... I... No, but - "

"Do you think she would ever get over us killing her child?"

She waited for him to speak, and when he didn't, she pressed, "The only way I can save our family is by doing what little I can to make absolutely certain her child lives. Carlisle, I don't care what it takes, or what some strangers may have to go through should their needs for blood not be met. I care about you, and Edward, and Bella, and their child. I care about Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper. I care about _our family_ , and if our family is to survive this, it's only going to happen as a whole."

After a moment, Carlisle sighed. "Ah, dearest. Has anyone ever told you what an amazing woman you are?"

She laughed low in her throat. "Yes. You. Every day."

It had been easier to be angry with Rosalie for being selfish, even when I knew there was more to it than that. It was hard to maintain my anger toward my mother when her actions were done with the intention of protecting us all.

 _...not to be able to just go home and grab another pair of sweatpants when I need them... homeless thing again... don't have anyplace to go back to... don't own anything which will probably be annoying soon, even if it doesn't bother me too much right now... know I'm here... should I still knock? Whatever ...goin' in._

I tried not to smile when Jacob strolled in. Seeing him in my brother's clothes was strange; it made him seem like a part of our family. I knew Bella thought of him as such already and tried to imagine a vampire having a werewolf for a brother. It seemed an impossibility, and yet, why not? We weren't that different, not really. Had Bella chosen him, yet still wanted me in her life, I would have been pleased to have been considered his brother.

I saw Bella's face in Jacob's mind and looked back to see her expression for myself. When she met his eyes, and her whole face lit up. My warm, brotherly feelings for Jacob disappeared as I saw the love on her face for him. There was nothing sisterly about her expression.

What I found odd was that Jacob agreed with me.

 _What is_ with _her? She's_ married _for crying out loud! Happily married, and in love with her vampire past the boundaries of sanity._ Plus _she's hugely pregnant with his spawn, too. Why's she got to be so damn thrilled to see me? It's like I made her whole freakin' day just by walkin' through the door. Almost wish she didn't care. More than that, that she really didn't want me around. Then it'd be easier to stay away..._

"They just wanted to talk. No attack on the horizon," he reported in a low mutter.

"Yes. I heard most of it."

"How?" _We'd been a good three miles out!_

"I'm hearing you more clearly - it's a matter of familiarity and concentration," I explained. "Also, your thoughts are slightly easier to pick up when you're in your human form. So I caught most of what passed out there."

"Oh." It seemed to bother him that I'd heard, but he struggled not to say something obnoxious. Finally, he shrugged and said, "Good. I hate repeating myself."

"I'd tell you to go get some sleep," Bella teased, "but my guess is that you're going to pass out on the floor in about six seconds, so there's probably no point."

He glanced at the cup she held. _...much blood is it gonna take to keep her alive? ...some point they're gonna have to start trotting in the neighbors._

I didn't bother to tell him that my family shared his concern. What was important at that moment was that Bella was no longer minutes away from dying. Remembering Esme's determination to keep Bella and her fetus alive at all costs, I wouldn't have been surprised if - should it become necessary - she would steel into the houses in Forks with the intention of taking the inhabitant's blood. As Jacob turned to go back outside, I almost snickered at the idea of my mother behaving in such a traditional vampire manner. Of course, _she_ wouldn't be the one to drink it, and the unwilling donor would survive her visit, but it was strange, nonetheless.

He turned and headed for the front door, mumbling, "One Mississippi... two Mississippi..."

Seeing Jacob in the clothes Emmett had once worn, I caught an irrational surge of anger from Rosalie. Despite my brother's height, Jacob towered over everyone in my family, and the pants hit him mid-calf.

"Where's the flood, mutt?" Rosalie taunted him.

"You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool," he fired back without pausing or turning. This time, I couldn't help but to snicker.

"I've already heard that one," Rose shouted. As he shut the door behind himself, she muttered, "Jerk," and shot me a sour look.

Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged him, but it was nice to see someone else who was willing to verbally spar with her.

 _Edward! Will you please offer him more than Emmett's ill-fitting cast-offs?_ Esme thought firmly to me. I rolled my eyes, but agreed with her and slipped out from under Bella's cocooned feet.

"Where are you going?"

"There was something I forgot to say to him."

"Let Jacob sleep - it can wait."

 _Yes,_ he agreed with her. _**Please** let Jacob sleep._

"It will only take a moment," I insisted as I strode out of the front door. He turned and eyed me with a weary expression that I could have understood without needing to read his mind.

"Jeez, what _now?"_ he asked crossly.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, knowing how long it had been since he'd slept. He'd been ready to pass out before Seth had sounded the alarm, and talking to Jared had been difficult for him. Yet, if I told him what I wanted to say, perhaps he would sleep easier.

When I hesitated, trying to decide how to phrase it without seeming condescending or pitying, he prompted me, _What's on your mind, mind reader?_

"When you were talking to Sam's delegates earlier, I was giving a play-by-play for Carlisle and Esme and the rest. They were concerned - "

He cut me off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Look, we're not dropping our guard. You don't have to believe Sam like we do. We're keeping our eyes open regardless."

"No, no, Jacob. Not about that. We trust your judgement. Rather, Esme was troubled by the hardships this is putting your pack through. She asked me to speak to you privately about it," I explained.

He blinked at me a few times in surprise before repeating, "Hardships?"

"The _homeless_ part, particularly. She's very upset that you are all so... bereft."

He snorted as though it was no big deal to him. _...vampire mother hen... bizarre..._ "We're tough. Tell her not to worry."

"She'd still like to do what she can. I got the impression that Leah prefers not to eat in her wolf form?"

"And?" he drawled.

"Well, we do have normal human food here, Jacob. Keeping up appearances, and, of course, for Bella. Leah is welcome to anything she'd like. All of you are."

"I'll pass that along."

Seth would be happy to eat with Bella, and Jacob wouldn't have any problem doing so, either. It was the wolf girl I was more concerned with, and who I thought would be more difficult. "Leah hates us."

"So?"

"So try to pass it along in such a way as to make her consider it, if you don't mind."

He eyed me for a moment before nodding. "I'll do what I can."

"And then there's the matter of clothes."

His eyes flickered over the shirt he'd already started to remove and the pants that didn't quite fit. "Oh yeah. Thanks." _...probably not polite to mention how bad they reek..._

I felt my lips twitching. I couldn't imagine trying to wear _his_ clothes. Being forced to smell his stench all day every day? I thought I might prefer to go naked.

"Well, we're easily able to help out with any needs there. Alice rarely allows us to wear the same thing twice. We've got piles of brand-new clothes that are destined for Goodwill, and I'd imagine that Leah is fairly close to Esme's size..."

"Not sure how she'll feel about bloodsucker castoffs. She's not as practical as I am."

"I trust that you can present the offer in the best possible light. As well as the offer for any other physical object you might need, or transportation, or anything else at all. And showers, too, since you prefer to sleep outdoors. Please..." I hesitated as I remembered how very much I owed to the wolf in front of me. I almost reached out to grip his arm to add emphasis to my words, but settled for speaking as fervently as I could. "Don't consider yourselves without the benefits of a home."

"That's, er, nice of you. Tell Esme we appreciate the, uh, thought. But the perimeter cuts through the river in a few places, so we stay pretty clean, thanks."

"If you would pass the offer on, regardless," I insisted.

"Sure, sure."

I almost smiled, hearing the phrase Bella often said coming from his mouth. I wondered who had picked it up from whom. "Thank you."

Jacob turned his back to me, and I knew that he was more than ready to catch up on all the sleep he'd been missing. Before I could take a step back toward my house, I heard a sound that chilled my already cold skin even farther: my Bella cried out in pain. The wolf forgotten, I sprinted back to her side to find her curled into a ball and grimacing with the pain she was in. Rosalie was beside her and holding her carefully as she sat completely still, biting her lip and trying to hold back her whimpers.

I wanted to take her from my sister and pull her into my arms, but I didn't dare touch her. I didn't know what was wrong and feared I would made matters worse by moving her. The cause of Bella's pain became clear to me as the minds of my three family members who were in the room with us recalled hearing a sharp, sickening snap at the same time as they saw Bella's body jerk.

 _Ah, God, no..._ I stared at her in horror. It wasn't bad enough that I had to watch it bruise her, but now it was breaking her bones!

"Bella, let me see," Carlisle said, reaching for her.

"Give me a second, Carlisle," she panted.

"Bella, I heard something crack. I need to take a look."

"Pretty sure... it was a rib. Ow. Yep. Right here," she said around her short, shallow breaths. Carefully, she pointed to her left side, but didn't actually touch the spot that was hurting.

"I need to take an X-ray. There might be splinters. We don't want it to puncture anything."

"Okay," Bella agreed to my relief.

Rosalie pulled Bella carefully onto her lap, and then stood with her. I saw my glare in her mind, but she had already been holding her, and if I tried to take the fragile girl from her, I would only make matters worse. Still, I didn't bother to stop my growl when she insisted, "I've already got her."

 _...Bella's stronger, but now so is the thing... can't starve one without starving the other, and healing works the same way... there's just no way to win..._

I couldn't argue with Jacob's assessment, but didn't take the time to even glance at him as Carlisle and I followed Rosalie upstairs.

A few minutes later, he was studying the images for shards or splinters. The sac which protected the fetus was a huge white blur, but Bella's rib cage was clearly visible, as was the line where it had apparently kicked her hard enough to cause the rib to crack. Thankfully, it seemed like a clean break, and only one rib was affected... for now. The fetus had only been provided with the blood which it so obviously needed for an hour. Already it had begun to grow again, and the increase in its strength was appalling.

"Your rib is cracked," he told Bella, "but there are no splinters; it's a clean break. You haven't punctured anything."

"Yet," I amended.

Carlisle said my name in disapproval. _...no need to make this harder on her._

Furious and terrified, I snarled, "It's breaking your bones now. It's crushing you from the inside out. Carlisle, tell her what you told me." He hesitated, and I stressed, "Tell her."

He walked over to stand beside her. I could see the sorrow in his eyes as he met hers, but he hesitated to say the words.

"Tell me, Carlisle. It's alright."

"The fetus is not compatible with your body. It is too strong. You are fighting each other and, Bella, I am afraid that you are losing this battle. It is starving you by the hour, and nothing I have given you is helping."

"But, I've kept the blood you've been giving me down. And I'm hungry. If I can start eating again, I'll be fine, right?"

He glanced at me and I nodded, grimly encouraging him to tell her what she needed to hear. "Bella, it has already broken one bone. I doubt this will be the last, and the next one could do real damage."

She shook her head as stubborn as always. "I'll be fine. I've broken bones before."

"You may be able to ignore the pain the breaks cause you, but I cannot ignore the danger they represent. The next one could puncture your lungs or your heart."

She shook her head. "You're still worried about what _could_ happen, what _might_ happen. But I _know_ what will happen: if you take him now, his death is guaranteed. I'm sorry, Carlisle. The answer is still no."

"There is more to it than that. Your body is working too hard, trying to sustain you without adequate nutrition and trying to sustain _it_ at the same time. The blood has made your heart stronger, but it is still struggling to keep up with the demands the fetus is placing on it. We can all hear it faltering. At this rate, I assure you, it _will_ give out before you can deliver."

She swallowed hard and nodded, acknowledging his words. "Then I'll hold on as long as I can and then - "

 _Bella believes you can save her when her heart fails, keep her from dying..._

He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder to reinforce his next words. "Bella, there are some conditions that even venom cannot overcome. You understand?"

She pressed her lips together, but nodded slowly.

"I am sorry."

As Carlisle walked away, I could feel Rosalie staring at me defiantly, but I only had eyes for Bella. She'd been convinced she would survive. Even with Carlisle essentially telling her that there was nothing that could save her now, I didn't dare to hope she would change her mind.

"Edward, I'm sorry." She shook her head and caressed her swollen stomach, confirming what I already knew: her resolve had not faltered.

I had already threatened my mother with my suicide and had told Carlisle that I didn't plan on surviving Bella's death. That didn't mean I _wanted_ to die; I didn't! Especially not now that I'd had a taste of what eternity with her could mean. Although she knew I had tried to kill myself once before, I wasn't sure she believed that I still would, but there was no way I would be able to stand the pain of losing her.

Deliberately, I said, "I can't live without you."

"You won't. You're gonna have a part of me. He'll need you."

"Do you honestly think that I could love it, or even tolerate it if it kills you?" I stared out the window and spoke through my teeth, trying to hold back my fury at her stubbornness. I'd been trying to convince her to end the pregnancy from the start, had even tried forcefully removing it from her! How could she think I would be willing to care for it?

"It's not his fault! I mean, you have to accept what is."

Livid, I turned back to glare at her. Rose was so determined that I not make Bella's choices for her, but what of mine? Since I had found out her plans, I had pleaded with her, cajoled her, and tried to reason with her. I had screamed in anger at my sister and fought against my brothers, but had yet to express my anger toward Bella for the situation she was placing us in. Despite my temper, in all the time I had known her, I had only rarely raised my voice to her, but I did so now, and she jumped and flinched away from me in reaction.

"Because you've given me _no_ _ **choice!**_ Bella, we're supposed to be partners, remember? But you decided this on your own. You've decided to leave me."

"Don't see it that way!"

"Well I have no other way to see it. Because it's me who'll lose you. And I don't choose that. I don't choose that," I repeated in a harsh whisper and left the room, slamming the door closed as I went.


	33. Resignation

**33\. Resignation**

Bella started to cry as I stalked away. I hardened my heart and tried not to care. She was going to die, and then her child was going to die, and then I would die, and then no one in my family would ever be the same, and there was nothing I could do about any of it.

Even if _I_ didn't kill it, someone would. The demon-child's life was doomed. Even with the blood she was drinking improving her health, we were _all_ doomed.

The blood which strengthened her also strengthened _it,_ and it had been bruising her for weeks already. As it grew in strength, more broken bones would follow this first one. Would the next rib splinter off and puncture a lung? Would it crack her spine? Would it do what I had been so afraid of on our wedding night and shove her ribs into her heart?

Instead of going downstairs, I went into my room. Sitting on the golden bedding, I remembered with perfect clarity the night she had agreed to marry me. Her life had been in danger then, too. In truth, her life had been in danger from the moment we'd met. One way or another, it had been her fate to be killed by me or because of me, and every time I'd tried to prevent that fate, a new, worse danger had arisen.

I laid back on the bed we'd shared only a few times and tried to understand how she could do this to me.

 _Why_ she would.

Maybe, like everything else, it was my fault. Hadn't I badgered her about human experiences often enough? Hadn't that been her argument to me the night she'd agreed to marry me? She'd wanted a human experience: losing her virginity to the man she loved. She'd agreed to marry me, and I'd agreed to make love to her, but _still_ I had tried to convince her of the human experiences she was giving up. I had tried to convince her that she would miss going to college, starting a career, having a child.

I groaned at my stupidity. Of _course_ this was my fault!

My gift had caused me so much grief over the past century by allowing me to see and hear the thoughts of those around me. As a vampire, watching and listening were all I was capable of. Acting on what I witnessed was against the law.

Telepathy: what a useless gift!

I wasn't the only one whose gift caused them pain. Although I witnessed the emotions of those around me, Jasper would physically feel their emotional pain as though it were his own, but at least _his_ gift had a useful aspect. At least _he_ could cause others to feel whatever he wanted. If someone was grieving, he could ease their grief, and no one would be the wiser.

Not even Jasper truly knew how awful it was to be forced to watch the atrocities humans enacted upon each other while the laws of our kind prevented me from doing anything about what I saw - not without becoming a killer again. I already knew what going down _that_ path would cost.

Alice, too, suffered from her gift. How often during the decades between her transformation and Jasper's defection from Maria's army had she been forced to watch the possibility of his death? More often than I had watched Bella's, to be sure. Emmett might complain about being left out when we used our gifts, but he had no idea how lucky he was to be so normal.

Be careful what you wish for, Rose had said to me. I snarled in fury at the memory. Yes, I had almost everything I'd ever wished for. I used to wish for a mate, for a wife like my father and brothers had, and now I had Bella for my very own wife. I had wished for the child we had all believed was impossible, and now Bella was pregnant with my spawn.

Again and again I had wished that I could read her thoughts the way I heard everyone else's, though of course, _that_ hadn't happened.

Bitterly, I wondered what would happen if I wished for the power to turn back time. If I could, I would go back to our wedding night and bite Bella, as I had come so close to doing. If I had changed her _then,_ the creature would never have existed.

Ridiculous. I might as well wish to be human again.

Though that would do me no good either if I lost Bella anyway. It would just make it easier to kill myself once she died.

Did I dare wish for that to not happen? I couldn't allow myself to hope she would live; it seemed so impossible. But then, everything about our relationship was exactly that! Our love was impossible. Not just for a vampire to fall in love with a human, but for the human to know what he was and still love him back. It had seemed impossible for me to stop drinking her blood when trying to save her from James's bite, but I had. It had seemed impossible for her to still want me after my betrayal, but she had. It had seemed impossible for me to make love to her without killing her, but I _had._

Of course, that had led to the current impossible situation: Bella, pregnant with my child. Despite overcoming all of those impossibilities, I was sure that unlike before, her death was guaranteed. I saw no way for her to overcome the impossible _this_ time.

I could hear her struggling heart even now. It was sure to give out before she could deliver, and once her heart died, there was nothing that could save her.

Ah, God, how I loved the sound of her heart! I had listened to it for so long and knew its sound so well I would have been able to pick it out of a crowd, no matter how many others were there. I had listened to it on our honeymoon, and had loved the way it had reacted as we merged our bodies together.

Before Bella had joined me in the water, I had listened to the way its sound had contrasted with the rhythm of the ocean and wondered if it was possible that God had forgiven my sins, after all. How else could I have explained the miracle of Bella's love?

How many heated debates about our souls had Carlisle and I indulged in over the past century? More often than he had tried to convince me that I was not dead. Recently, even though he had not convinced me of either one, he _had_ convinced me they were both possible.

Could he have been right about everything? Dead creatures couldn't breed! It might be a demon, a monster, a killer, but it was a growing one. It was a living one! And I was its _father._

I hadn't openly mocked Carlisle whenever I'd found him lost in meditative prayer over the past century, but I'd certainly thought the activity to be quite pointless. Indulging ourselves in prayer was absurd. We were damned, soulless creatures, beyond the point of redemption. Why speak to one who cannot hear? Why bother even trying to speak without a voice?

But if he was _right..._

I thought back to Elizabeth and tried to recall my childhood. Hadn't we prayed together every night before I slept? As I grew closer to the age when I would be able to enlist, surely she had prayed before every dinner for the horrid war to end before I could join. Well, I had been prevented from joining, hadn't I? Of course, it hadn't happened in the manner she'd hoped, but it _had_ happened. Just as Bella was pregnant, but not with the child of which I'd dreamt.

I closed my eyes and strained to remember what my human mother had told me.

Vaguely, I could recall her explaining why most people were unable hear the Voice of God. They never listened to any voice but their own. Mom had said He was always speaking to us, but it was up to us to listen and learn how to hear. She'd said that was something which He already knew, and He was always listening, if only we would ever bother to speak.

Feeling a tad ridiculous and more than a little hypocritical, I stood from my bed and sank to my knees on the very spot where I had knelt in front of Bella to officially propose on the night she had agreed to be my wife. I closed my eyes, rested my hands on my thighs and bowed my head. It wasn't my voice I wanted to hear, so I didn't speak aloud. It was impossible to avoid hearing the mental voices of my family members, but for the first time since my change, I tried to listen as Elizabeth had taught me, and I prayed with everything in me for Bella to survive the pregnancy. If He had indeed given her to me, I prayed that He be willing to not take her away.

Eventually, I heard Carlisle approaching my room and looked up as he opened the door. He eyed me, surprised to find me on the floor, but before he could speak, I saw the image in his mind of Bella eating crackers.

"She didn't throw up?" I asked, incredulous.

 _...must have been concentrating hard on whatever he was thinking of to have missed that._ "It has been several hours," he said with a shake of his head. "Now that the fetus is getting what it needs, apparently it is allowing her to do the same."

I stood and headed for the door, but rather than make room for me, he put up his hand. I frowned and demanded, "What?"

"Remember what I told you before, Edward. Bella needs you. I know you are angry and scared, but if she is to have any chance at all, you need to rein in your anger. I do not blame you for it, but now is not the time to give into it."

"I hear you," I muttered and slipped past him.

Ignoring Rosalie and Esme when I strode into the living room, I had eyes only for Bella. Since she'd kept her meal down, Carlisle had honored her request and removed the IV. I was sure that had made her happy, at least. Her heartbeat was loud in my ears, louder than it had been before she had drunk the first cupful of blood, though not as steady as it had been before we'd discovered her pregnancy. She eyed me nervously. There was a red rim around her lovely brown eyes. I thought she'd been crying again.

With a sigh, I sank down in front of her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and I'm sorry I've been so angry."

She sniffed, but shook her head with a slight smile. "It's alright. I would be, too."

I brought her hand to my lips, grateful that she had forgiven me as easily as she always did. I put her warm hand against my cheek and admitted to myself that - once again - Carlisle was right. She needed my support, not my anger. If she was going to die within the week, the least I could do was to try to make her last days easier.

"I've left you alone in this."

She laughed softly and shook her head. Her lips thrust into a pout as the crease formed between her brows, and I felt the familiar yearning to know what she was thinking. Before I could ask, she smiled and said in a sour voice, "Marriage."

Even if it was a bitter one, I couldn't help but to smile back at her. "Well, they say the first year is the hardest."

We both laughed, although there wasn't any real happiness in the sound. It was ironic; we'd thought the hardest part of our first year together would be keeping her from killing. Instead, we were struggling to compromise with and understand each other just like any newly married couple. Granted the reasons were far from normal, but still, we were fighting over our futures, just like so many couples did. Just like we had spent our first week on the island fighting.

I sighed in resignation. Yes, we'd fought then, until I had surrendered to what she wanted. Giving her what she wanted had made us both happy. How often did I have to learn that lesson?

"I won't fight with you anymore," I promised. "Whatever you need, just tell me, and I'll do my best to give it to you."

"There's only one thing I've ever needed, Edward. You."

"Well, for better or worse, I'm yours."

My beloved Bella reached for me, and I wrapped my arms around her fragile body, trying to avoid her broken rib and the growing monster inside of her as I pressed my ear against her struggling heart. Eventually she began to fidget, and I looked at her, concerned that I'd hurt her.

"I need a human minute."

"I've got it," Rosalie said and carefully scooped Bella into her arms to take her to use the bathroom.

I sat on the couch with a frustrated groan and glanced toward the front door. Bella's earlier prediction hadn't been far off. Jacob was passed out inches away from the open door, his nose pointed into the direction of the light breeze.

The last time I'd been around Jacob when he slept had been on the mountainside while his body heat had kept Bella alive through the killing cold of a spring blizzard. I'd been fascinated by his dreams then, although every time they had featured Bella, I'd had to fight my irrational desire to end his life.

The images of Bella in his dreams were no longer of the two of them together, but they were just as painful for me to witness, if not worse. This time his sleep was filled with my waking nightmare. He was dreaming of Bella lying still and bloodless while Rosalie cuddled with the fanged infant who had just been born. I would have rolled my eyes if the image hadn't been so horrible. Vampires didn't have _fangs._

Alice was sitting beside Jacob, smiling just slightly. Her mind was completely blank, and I frowned, concerned. "Alice?"

She peeked at me and settled herself more firmly against the wall with a sigh. _My head doesn't hurt for a change. The..._ it... _makes everything blurry. Jacob makes it impossible to see anything, which is frustrating enough, but at least I'm not pointlessly trying to bring things into focus._

I grunted, thinking it would be nice if I could find something to turn _my_ gift off, at least from time to time. Then again, I'd _been_ granted such a thing; Bella was silent to me. I might not always enjoy what I heard, but _not_ hearing was frustrating, and my gift was useful when I could focus it.

Running a shaky hand through my hair, I tried desperately to block his vivid dreams of ending my life by concentrating on my brothers' thoughts as they continued their fruitless research. They were still going through Carlisle's books, which were proving to be only slightly more reliable than the internet.

Carlisle's ancient books had the benefit of being written in a time when vampires were feared and mistrusted, unlike the ridiculous humans of today who seemed to worship our kind. The things Alice had been forced to filter through were disgusting. Websites that were devoted to vampire-lore - none of which came even close to being accurate - had information gleaned from fiction humans had written, games they had developed, and fantasies they indulged in, but there was nothing to be found which would help us prepare for the birth of the very real creature that Bella carried.

Texts from hundreds of years ago, on the other hand, were no less misinformed about our nature, but they, at least, didn't revere us. They had legends that had been passed down from the times when the human population believed in witches and ghosts, in vampires and other undead creatures, in succubus and incubus and even, occasionally, the children that were created by such creatures. Nothing they found boded well for Bella, however. In every case, no matter how the child was viewed, the birth was fatal. There was never a mention of the mother even surviving as Bella hoped to: as a vampire herself. They all ended in the mother's death. Every single one of them.

I saw Bella eyeing Jacob as Rosalie carried her back to the couch. "He's going to get a crick in his neck sleeping like that. Can't he use your bed, Edward?"

"I've already offered," I reminded her. Knowing how we smelled through their senses, I pointed out, "He's happier where he can breath in the fresh air."

"Well, please get him a pillow at least. He's going to be sore if he stays like that."

Jacob's comfort hadn't occurred to me at all, nor to my family, at least, not in that sense. I could have held the pose in which he currently slept indefinitely and risen from it at any point with no discomfort. However, Bella was still human, and understood what it was to have a mortal body. Since she wanted it, I shrugged and flashed upstairs to grab a pillow. Half expecting him to wake and attack me when I lifted his head, I slid the pillow in place, taking care to keep his nose angled toward the door. Raising an eyebrow, I gestured toward him and asked, "Happy?"

Bella bit her lip. "Maybe a blanket, too?"

Striding over to the couch so I could sit beside her, I grumbled, "You worry too much. He'd swelter under a blanket. Or have you forgotten how high his body temperature is?"

"I guess you're right. It just feels wrong to let him sleep on the floor."

"That's where most dogs sleep," Rosalie muttered. A snort of amusement escaped me. Bella rewarded both of us with a dirty look.

We all sat in silence, pretending to watch the television, but in reality listening to Bella as she emptied her latest cup of blood. When Rosalie handed Bella another refill, I saw my sister's hands trembling and was aware of an echo of her thirst in the dry burning of my throat.

I thought it was good that Carlisle's study was as far from the living room as it was. Even through the closed door, Emmett could smell the blood which Bella held. Jasper's hunt from a few days earlier was helping him, but the main reason he wasn't down here ripping the cup from her hand was that he simply refused to breathe. I kept catching his thoughts lingering on the refrigerator full of blood in the exam room, and worried that he wouldn't be able to resist much longer before he tore its door off and drank every bag it held.

"Alice?"

She opened one eye to peek at me again.

"I know Jacob is helping you to blank your mind, but are you still able to see Jasper? He's not involved with either the fetus or the wolves."

She frowned and shook her head. _Not right now. Why do you ask?_

I cut my eyes toward the cup in Bella's hand.

 _Oh._ I watched her try to see, but Jacob's proximity had her completely blind. With a sigh, she stood and headed for the stairs. _I'll check on him, but I'm coming right back. Jasper's fine, I'm sure, and my head was just starting to feel better._

"Thanks, Alice."

"Sure, sure."

I stifled a laugh, wondering how much longer it would be before I heard the rest of my siblings saying that. Alice did not come back as quickly as she had promised. Instead, she coaxed Jasper to leave the house for a time. Though she knew better than to risk straying too far from our home, I was grateful that they found a place far enough away from me that I could ignore her methods for distracting him from his thirst.

Curling up in a position that didn't look any more comfortable than the one Jacob was in, Bella let her eyes drift shut and dozed on the couch beside me. Rose and I both breathed a sigh of relief that she was resting.

 _...think we should move her? Wouldn't she be more comfortable in a bed?_

"No, Rose," I whispered. "No matter how careful you are, she'll wake if you move her. Just let her rest."

She sighed and glared toward the front door where Jacob was starting to snore. _...even get any rest with that noise._

Jasper and Alice returned while Bella and Jacob slept. He avoided the living room, but willingly went back to his reading - his mind seemed much calmer and able to focus on the material he was reading - while she resumed her place on the floor by Jacob.

Despite Rosalie's certainty that Jacob would end up waking Bella from his snores, the exhausted girl slept the rest of that afternoon and most of the night. A few hours before dawn, Bella stretched and shifted on the couch. She rubbed her eyes and smiled at me blearily.

"Morning," she said around a yawn.

"You had a long sleep," I said in approval.

"Mmm," she agreed as she carefully scooted into a sitting position. Her movements must have woken the thing inside of her, because she gasped and pressed a hand against her stomach. After a moment, it settled down, and Bella's stomach give a very audible rumble of hunger.

"Breakfast time for the human?" I tried to tease.

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I could definitely eat."

"Anything in particular sound good to you right now, love? Our kitchen is fully stocked."

"Something sweet, I think. And eggs."

"How did I not guess _that?"_

"I'll take care of it," Esme offered, knowing how much I disliked human food.

"No, it's alright. I've got it." After fighting with Bella so much, I felt a strong need to be able to provide for her in some way.

"How about I help you, then?"

I nodded my ascent and kissed Bella's forehead before joining my mother in the kitchen. As I walked away, Bella asked Rosalie for help getting to the bathroom. I kept tabs on my sister's mind as she carried the my beloved human girl down the hall.

"Ugh, I look hideous," Bella muttered as she eyed herself in the mirror and tucked several lank strands of hair behind her ears.

 _...not having a beauty contest here... but she'd probably feel better if she cleaned up before she ate._

To my surprise, Rosalie offered, "How about I draw a bath for you?"

"Wow. That sounds fabulous. I feel gross."

I couldn't stop my amused smirk as Bella's nose wrinkled when she plucked at her slept-in clothes.

A vampire's needs were different from a human's, and unless our prey got feisty during a hunt or whenever Emmett, Jasper, and I would roll around in the dirt during a good tussle, I regarded showers more as luxuries than necessities. With Bella on the verge of death, a shower had been the last thing on any of our minds, but now that she wasn't in immediate danger of dying, thought a long soak in a tub would lift her spirits.

While Bella bathed, Esme and I cooked together in silence. I had nothing to say, and since I could read her mind, it wasn't necessary for her to speak, but she didn't hide her pleasure in the fact that I was - at last - trying to help.

A memory I'd thought long lost made itself known to me. As I cooked with Esme, handing her the ingredients I saw in her mind or whisking the batter while she prepared the pans, I could almost imagine I was back in Chicago, making breakfast with my human mother on a Sunday morning. Following my instincts, I altered the recipe Esme had started from pancakes into cinnamon rolls. I was aware of her curious look, but shrugged it off.

Once they were in the oven, the smell of them cooking was familiar to me, homey and warm. The sugar melted and browned in the bottom of the pan, the spices gave off their distinct aromas, and as I waited for the first batch to bake, I realized the recipe my human mother used to make - the one I had instinctively followed - smelled like a combination of Esme and Carlisle.

Standing in the kitchen with a small smile, I breathed deeply, enjoying the smell of the rolls as they cooked. Though I usually detested the smell of human food cooking, the kitchen was full of the scents of cinnamon and caramel, and smelled more than anything like home to me. Or, it did until I detected the stench of burning animal flesh that was coming from the pan of bacon Esme had added to the oven I was using.

Out of curiosity, when I pulled them from the oven, I broke off a corner of one roll and put it in my mouth. Shuddering, I quickly spat it back out and grabbed a cup of water to rinse the taste from my tongue. Even on the rare occasion that human food smelled good, apparently it would never be anything less than revolting to my sense of taste.

 _Ugh_. _Yuck!_ I wouldn't have been surprised if _rat_ tasted better than the horrid stuff I'd just put in my mouth. I thought it likely that even the plastic-smelling pastries Bella enjoyed wouldn't have tasted as vile as the food I had cooked for her. I swished another mouthful of water around before spitting it in the sink with a grimace and another shudder.

"The look... on your face! Oh, Edward! Oh, oh! I don't think... I've _ever_ seen... anything... quite so... _funny!"_ Her giggles making her nearly incoherent, Esme was holding onto the counter with one hand, and her side with the other. The granite was creaking as she dug her fingers into the counter-top.

I shrugged, disgruntled and embarrassed. "Aren't chefs are supposed to taste their food? I was curious," I tried to explain, but only ended up making her laugh harder. Pretending not to care, I cracked some eggs and started them cooking while the first batch of cinnamon rolls cooled and the next ones cooked.

Still snickering, Esme traded one pan of bacon for another.

The smell from the drippings at the bottom of the pan was repulsive and made even the air seem sticky. I could taste the oily residue with each breath. It was hard to believe so much grease had come from the thin strips of cooked flesh. If my face hadn't already worn a look of disgust, I was sure there would be one there now.

Why had I bothered tasting the roll? Human food was gross; I'd known that already.

Emmett strolled into the kitchen. "What's so funny?"

"Edward was curious," Esme said with another giggle. "It didn't end well."

... _good to hear someone laughing for a change! Everyone's been so serious lately, I was beginnin' to think I was gonna have to plan a massive family-wide prank to fix things. ..._ although _... not a bad idea, actually..._

"Emmett," I groaned. "Now is _not_ the time."

"What're you talking about? Now's the _perfect_ time!"

Finally gaining control over her giggles, Esme eyed my brother. "For what?"

"Never you mind, Esme."

"Em's planning something that I doubt you'd approve of," I said with a smirk.

His eyes widened and he placed a hand on his chest with an air of innocence. "Who, me? I only was thinking how much our family could use a few good laughs."

"Uh-huh. Or maybe just how many laughs _you_ can obtain at our expense?"

"Tsk, tsk, little brother. Don't tell Carlisle, but it's a proven fact that laughter is the world's best medicine. I'm only trying to help." He blinked at me with a guileless smile.

 _He's got a point. ...think one of the reasons Bella likes Jacob so much is that he makes her laugh._

Furious, I growled at Esme and set the plate I was about to load with food onto the counter with too much force. It broke into several pieces.

"Wonderful." As if I had needed more examples of how much better Jacob was for her than I had ever been.

Dropping his affected innocence, Emmett chuckled, the low and rather sinister sound reminding me that my big bear of a brother was still annoyed at missing out on decades-worth of calling me some variation of a hundred-year-old-virgin and was planning on making up for lost time in some way. As Bella was pregnant with my demon spawn, obviously he could no longer call me _that,_ but I had no doubt that I was about to be subjected to his lewd and vulgar thoughts and comments.

"Just you leave Bella out of it!"

 _Nu_ _ **-uh**_ _. My newest sister had better get used to what it means to be a Cullen, and that includes a good ribbing by her favorite brother._

"And what makes you think that means you?"

 _What makes you think it_ doesn't? _I was the one makin' her blush at your reception. Jazz was too busy tryin' to diffuse your raging teenage hormones to pay her any attention._

"Hmph."

He wiggled his eyebrows and leered at me. _'Course, I guess she should be grateful to him for that. Otherwise, I doubt you would've made it past the end of the driveway, if you know what I mean..._

"Damn it, Emmett! Bella is days away from dying! Could you please, for once in your life, show me a little respect?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Fine, _Eddie_. But after Bella's changed, I'm not holding back. Whaddya wanna bet Bella'll be the first vampire in history to blush?"

"Assuming she survives and actually becomes a vampire? If you're foolish enough to antagonize a newborn, don't come crying to me when she accidentally removes a few of your limbs."

"Boys," Esme scolded us with her hands on her hips.

Ignoring our mother, Emmett snickered, his expression cocky and self-confident. "As if! I took on that newborn army while you two were snuggled up in a tent. I didn't lose any limbs then, but every one of 'em that got in my way _did._ Bella's almost as tiny as Alice. There's no way she'll be a match for me."

With the plate I'd broken cleaned up, and its replacement loaded with a huge bacon and cheese omelet that left very little room for one of the rolls I'd made, I paused and leveled a hard stare at my brother.

"You may call me your little brother, Emmett, but I was already a vampire when you were still soiling your britches and piddling in your bed at night, and I can clearly remember the day you were born into this family. So you've killed a few newborns now. Congratulations. That hardly makes you an expert on living with one. I helped to raise Esme, Rosalie, and _you_ , as well. Trust me when I tell you not to underestimate her."

"I could tell you the same thing, you know."

"Alright, that is enough! Edward, I expect better manners from you. _Honestly._ Toilet insults, Edward? Really? And _you._ Emmett, your brother is going through a rough enough time without you making it harder on him."

I glared at my mother, not pleased at being censored.

Emmett's face lost its expression of amusement. "I wasn't, Esme. I was trying to tell him that he should believe in her. He's the one who's convinced she'll die, not me."

"I'm not the only one. Carlisle - "

He snorted, interrupting me. "Saint Carlisle's been a doctor for too long. He's forgotten that sometimes you've just gotta have a little faith."

Swiping the plate of food from my hands, he sauntered into the living room to where Rosalie was just finishing brushing out Bella's hair. No longer hanging limp and lank, after the attention Rosalie had given to it, Bella's hair was shining and lustrous, with the rich chestnut color deepened to nearly black from still being slightly damp.

I could tell she was embarrassed over the attention, but since she couldn't exactly do it herself, Bella had submitted to Rosalie's offer without too much fuss. I could also tell Rosalie was rather enjoying the activity. She had won the argument between herself and Alice over who got to do Bella's hair when Alice had seen Rose gathering her supplies.

Rose had often bemoaned the fact that styling Alice's short hair was just not the same as letting Alice play with her own golden mane. It was her turn, she'd argued, and besides, Alice hadn't been the one to suggest the bath.

She kept glancing at Alice out of the corner of her eyes while my pixie-faced sister pouted and pretended not to notice.

Seeing Emmett coming, Rosalie began gathering up her supplies to return them to her bathroom. Putting on the air of a pretentious waiter, he handed Bella her plate with a flourish.

"I believe you ordered breakfast, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Thanks, Emmett," Bella said with a soft laugh.

"Er, you'll have to forgive me if I don't offer to refill your beverage, though."

"No, that's okay. It's not quite empty," she said as she began to cut off a piece of the omelet.

He cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, and I was aware that his throat was burning with renewed thirst. He had only hunted once since the night of my bachelor party, and was overdue for a hunt. Especially now that he knew he _couldn't_ hunt with the wolves patrolling our hunting grounds, his need was escalating, and the blood in the cup that Bella had been drinking from was hard for him to resist.

Bella seemed oblivious to the fact when his eyes raised from the cup tucked beside her to the visible pulse in her throat, but _I_ was all too aware of what he was seeing.

"Emmett!" I snapped in alarm.

Abruptly, he turned away from her and darted back to Carlisle's study, firmly closing the door behind himself. Although his control was better than Jasper's, he _had_ accidentally killed in the past. There was no need to tempt fate, and I had never been able to forget that Bella was a human in a house full of vampires.


	34. Roadkill

**34\. Roadkill**

While Bella started to eat her omelet, I slid one of the rolls onto a napkin and walked slowly toward my pregnant wife. When she met my eyes, I hesitantly held the cinnamon roll out to her, unsure if the thing would taste as foul to her as it had to me, or if she would enjoy my offering. Her eyes grew wide when she saw what I had brought, and she sniffed it before rewarding me with a beautiful smile.

"That smells amazing."

I waited until she took her first bite, still not sure that she would like it; I had thought it smelled good, too. When she licked the icing from her fingers and began alternating between bites of the omelet and the roll, I felt confident enough to say, "Old family recipe."

"Yeah, right," Bella laughed, but kept eating.

Gesturing toward the cup that was nearly empty, I offered her the refill that Emmett had been unable to provide. Moments later, I was handing her the newly filled cup from which she instantly took a few sips.

I'd been absently keeping track of the patrolling wolves any time their patrol took them within my range, but had tried not to really hear their thoughts. Seth's mind might have been pleasant to listen to, but his sister's was quite the opposite. This time, it was not their patrol which brought them within my range. They were both standing just within the tree line, eyeing our house while they argued.

 _...be able to hear him._

 _Aww, look who's gettin' all sweet on her Alpha._

 _Shut_ up _, Seth! Just because you're best buddies with the tick doesn't mean I trust any of them._

 _...know how much Jake's done for them. They're not gonna hurt him._

 _Still don't like it._

 _ _You know how tired he was?__

 _Yeah, yeah._

 _...tellin' you, he just fell asleep human._

 _...do realize how many hours it's been, don't you?_

 _Of course! But he's been up for days. Give it a rest, Leah._

 _...rest when I know he's okay. Look. Either you go check on him, or_ _**I**_ _will._

 _Ugh, you're so pushy. Fine! You'll see; Jacob is just sleepin'._

Leah pointedly looked in another direction when her brother changed to human form and retrieved his torn and rather dirty shorts from where he'd stashed them.

Despite being only fifteen, Seth - like all of the Quileute wolves - was quite tall. He wasn't as tall as Jacob, nor were his shoulders as wide. I thought he'd probably fit into my clothes better than Jacob had fit into Emmett's. Before Esme could scold me for not providing him with a change of clothes, I went to my room and grabbed several options for him. When I came back downstairs, he was chortling over Jacob's open-mouthed snoring.

"Bella, how in the world did you manage to sleep through that?"

"Guess I was tired." She shrugged and tore off another chunk of the roll.

"Guess so," he agreed with another short laugh.

I couldn't help but to snort as I glanced at the wolf in question. "I think the better question is how Leah didn't hear him."

 _...would've if she'd've been willin' to leave the trees._

"'Sup, man?" He held out his fist to me, and I bumped it with mine. He turned back to Bella with a grin. "You're looking better."

As she had a mouth full of food at that moment, she couldn't answer him, but settled for giving him a nod and a muffled, "Mmphm."

I nodded gratefully. "Yet another thing I owe Jacob for."

He shrugged and made a dismissive gesture. "Nah. You're the one who came up with the idea."

"He made the connection, though."

"I s'pose. Doesn't really matter though, does it? S'long as Bella's alright."

I looked back toward my pregnant wife and shook my head. Although anyone could see the improvement, I wouldn't have gone so far as to say she was _alright_.

Seth shoved his hands into his pockets, rocked back onto his heels, and eyed the stack of clothes I was holding.

"I asked Jacob to let you and your sister know that you are all welcome to anything here you might need or want, but I don't think he got the chance to pass on the message before the - it - " I stopped and glanced back toward Bella again, not wanting to speak the words, but he hadn't heard of the latest damage the fetus had done to Bella's body.

Bella looked away from us and absently rubbed her broken rib before forking another bite of the omelet into her mouth.

 _What happened?_

Ignoring his look of pity and the question in his mind, I held out the stack of clothes. "There is no need for you to lack for anything when we can easily provide it. You're about my size. If you would like them, you are welcome to these, or any of the clothes in my closet if these don't suit you."

"Oh, cool. Thanks, Edward."

Though Jacob had refused my offer, I extended the same invitation to Seth as I had to Jacob. "You and Leah are welcome to shower here, if you'd like, and we've also got beds, although Jacob seemed to prefer the floor."

"Nah, we're good, thanks. But a change of clothes would be nice." He flashed a grin at me as he took the clothes I'd offered.

"Bathroom's down the hall. First door on the left. When you've changed, I'm sure Bella would like it if you joined her for breakfast."

His stomach was gurgling, and his nostrils flared as he took in the scents coming from our kitchen.

She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Seth, please do. Edward always cooks too much."

 _...don't need to ask me twice; that smells_ good! _...well, aside from their... erm... well, I know I don't smell any better to them. But that food sure does!_

He nodded enthusiastically and sauntered casually through our house to change.

"Is it too much?" I asked, nodding toward the food she was eating.

"Yeah," Bella laughed, nodding. She scooped another bite into her mouth and mumbled around the food, "That doesn't mean I'm not going to eat it all, though. I'm so _hungry."_

"If you eat it all, then how is it too much?"

"Are you kidding? This is enough for two people."

My mouth twisted. "Well, you _are_ eating for two, you know."

She rolled her eyes and wrinkled her nose at me. "Okay, so what was your excuse on the island?"

I shrugged. "You ate it. And besides, I had to make sure you had plenty of calories to burn."

A flame of desire surged through me as cheeks flared a brighter red than I'd seen in weeks. Chuckling, I kissed one of her burning cheeks and returned to the kitchen to fix Seth a plate of food. He was trying to hold his breath as he tried on the clothes I'd given to him.

 _...wonder if I can make 'em smell any better... take 'em for a roll, maybe..._

He chuckled as he imagined himself carefully laying the neatly pressed clothes on the grass before assuming his wolf form and rubbing his scent into them. I nearly laughed aloud at the image when he took it a step further and pictured himself on his back with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth and his legs in the air, while he wiggled around on the clothes. He followed this up with an image of Esme's expression when he returned to our house, the clothes grass-stained and slightly muddy, but smelling - to him - much better.

Once dressed, he made his way into the kitchen to watch me cook. He eyed the tray of cinnamon rolls and said, "Leah's been running for hours; do you think I could take her something to eat?"

"Of course. She can have this one. I'll fix another for you, if you'd like."

He leaned close to the sweets I had made for Bella, inhaled deeply, and rolled his eyes. "With the way that smells? Oh yeah."

When it was ready, I gave him the omelet I'd prepared, tucking a roll onto the plate beside it. "There's plenty more where this came from. I'll have your plate ready for you when you get back."

"Thanks!"

I nodded and refrained from asking him if he was really going to try and rub his wolf scent into the clothes or not. He strolled across the lawn to where his sister waited in the trees, growling with disgust as she took in his appearance. And his smell. She sneezed and bared her teeth at him, clearly expressing her disapproval.

 _...bad enough I have to smell them from here, now I've gotta smell their stench_ _ **on**_ _my brother? Perfect. Just perfect. Exactly what I've always wanted..._

"Hey, Leah! So, I _told_ you Jake was just sleeping. And man, did he crash _hard!_ He was snoring up a storm when I walked in and didn't so much as twitch while we were talking right beside him. I'm bettin' he'll be out for a while."

Leah grunted and started to turn toward the forest with the intention of resuming her patrol. _...get me away from their stench ...stand to sleep in there!_

Before his sister could dart away, Seth said, "Hold up a sec. I know you've gotta be hungry; wanna join me for a picnic in the moonlight? They made cinnamon rolls." He dragged the last sentence out enticingly, wafting the smell of the rolls directly toward his sister.

 _...gotta be kiddin' me! I am_ not _touching anything the leeches cooked._ Swishing her tail in annoyance, she turned her back on him, growling insults as she trotted away.

"Don't think I don't know you'll change your mind!" he called after her. After a moment of listening to her moving about in the trees, he said, "I'm just gonna leave this here for you."

"Don't bother!" she yelled back, having changed into her human form so she could more decisively tell him no. "I'd rather eat roadkill. You'd better watch yourself, eating that crap. I wouldn't be surprised if they poisoned it."

"Sheesh, Leah, don't be ridiculous. Even if they didn't need us to help protect Bella, they're not like that."

She appeared from behind the trees, wearing a t-shirt and pair of shorts. "They're _killers_ , Seth. I want you to stay away from them."

"I killed Riley," he reminded her in a low voice.

"Taking down a tick is just pest control, not murder. I don't trust them!" she hissed. "And neither should you."

"Then why are you even here? God, Leah! No one asked you to come, and don't tell me you're here for me, 'cause I don't need a babysitter."

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"No. But you _do_ need to eat. Come on, admit it! This smells better than the ones Emily makes." He held the plate toward her again.

She heaved a sigh and took the plate from him. A broad smile spread across his face until she turned and chucked it into the forest as hard as she could throw.

His smile faded and was replaced with a frown. "That wasn't nice."

"You wanna eat with me? Come for a hunt then."

"Eat raw? When there's _cinnamon rolls?_ You're nuts. I'll bring you another plate. They cooked enough for our entire tribe by the looks of it. And you'd better not throw this one away." He snorted with disgust and turned back to the house.

I had already loaded a plate with an omelet and a roll for Seth, but seeing Leah's reaction and his intention to ask for another plate for his sister, I covered the one in my hands with some cellophane so that it would be protected. He could just leave it outside for her to eat or not, as she chose. I rather thought she wouldn't, but that wasn't my concern. She could track down a deer if she got hungry. I only hoped it tasted better to her than their blood did to me, but with Seth's reaction to eating a freshly caught animal rather than the food I'd prepared, I doubted it.

Seth's mouth was twisted into an embarrassed grin when he entered the kitchen, and he was rubbing his fingertips across his scalp as he eyed the plate I held. "Hey, Edward, ah..."

"I saw," I said simply and held the plate out to him. "I'll have another one ready for you in a few minutes."

"Thanks! And, er, um... don't worry about Leah. I mean, she's got rough edges, but she'll do her part here."

"I know."

"Oh. Right. The whole mind reading thing. Makes things easier sometimes, huh?"

"Sometimes," I agreed with a shrug as I cracked a few more eggs and began to work on his breakfast.

By the time he had returned to the tree line with the new plate of food, she had changed back into her wolf form and run off, snarling mentally at my family as a whole, Bella for starting this mess, Seth for being so easy-going, Jacob for his resolve to protect us, and herself for thinking any of this was a good idea. Listening to her mind wasn't easy; a lot of her complaints about my family were those same ones which Bella was blind to.

 _Leah_ knew what we were; how did Bella not?

Since I was still cooking when he returned, Seth plopped into one of the living room chairs that were arranged to face each other. When it was ready, I brought his plate to him. He took it at the same time Bella shivered, and I turned to her with a frown.

"Cold?"

"Yeah. Could you grab me another blanket?"

"Don't be silly, Bells." Seth hopped up from his chair, balancing the overflowing plate in one hand as he crossed the short distance to where she sat. "What did Jake call himself? A portable space heater? Well, I'm at least as hot as he is." Seth winked at her and chuckled as he carefully sat beside her. He was moving gingerly so as not to jostle her, but even so, she winced and hissed through her teeth just from his small movements.

"Thanks, Seth," Bella said, shivering again and leaning into him as he got settled.

"Anytime." He pursed his lips and considered draping an arm over her shoulders.

I nodded at him and sighed. "Go ahead, Seth."

"Now, don't think I'm getting fresh here, Bella. I'm not one to make moves on a married woman, but jeez, you're _freezing."_

Although it went against the grain to see another male getting so cozy with my mate, I knew his intentions were harmless. It frustrated me, nonetheless, since yet again, someone else was doing something for her which I could not. Bella's eyes flashed up to meet mine as soon as Seth's arm touched her. Something of my feelings must have been on my face, because she reached a hand out to me with a worried frown.

"Sit with us?"

"I don't want to make you colder," I demurred.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Edward Cullen, don't you make me come over there! I'll drag you over to this couch myself if I have to."

Her threat made me chuckle. I adored her tiger-kitten fury. I sat on the other side of her from Seth, not bothering to hide my sigh of pleasure at being so close to her again. After a bit of shuffling of plates and cups, Seth and Bella resumed eating their breakfasts.

Rose was glaring at me from across the room with distrust in her eyes. _...know he apologized and promised not to fight with her, but how do I know he's not going to try something stupid again? This is_ Edward, _after all... Stupid might as well be his middle name..._

"Why don't you join us, then?" I said coldly.

She raised an eyebrow. _...couch isn't exactly built for four..._

"There's always the floor. You were comfortable enough sitting there yesterday."

 _Hmm, maybe I will. It'd mean getting closer to the wet-dog smell, but as it's already permeating the air... guess it wouldn't be any worse if I..._ Within seconds, Rosalie was seated at Bella's feet. Alice deliberated for a moment before she left the wall beside Jacob and joined Rosalie to sit on the floor beside Seth. Rose leaned her head against Bella's knees. It was strangely almost as calming for her to be touching Bella as it was for me. She was trying to convince herself that was only because it would have been next to impossible for me to steal Bella away with the way she was now pressed against Bella's legs.

Esme was in the kitchen, putting away the extra rolls and turning more of the bacon, eggs, and cheese into omelets. She was sure one of our guests or Bella herself would want another one sooner or later, and with the ingredients all ready to go, it seemed silly to her to leave things unfinished.

With the food made and the kitchen cleaned, Esme darted into the living room, but paused to stare at the sight of us sitting together so easily. She laughed and continued on her way with an image of old Ephriam Black in her mind. She thought he would have been quite surprised that we were able to put aside our differences so completely. We had gone from being enemies with an uneasy truce to allies to friends.

 _Friends with werewolves! Can't tell_ **me** _not to believe in the impossible after all that I have seen._

"What's so funny?" Seth asked.

"Esme just decided nothing is impossible."

"Huh?"

"Well, look at us. Three vampires, a human, and a werewolf, all getting along. Not just simply 'not enemies', but friends, family. What do you think your grandparents would have said?"

 **"Hah!** I'll bet they would have thought you'd brain washed us with some weird vampire mind-control or something!" His low chortles turned into a loud belly laugh that shook the couch. I glanced anxiously at Bella, but she was grinning, too.

"See what I've been telling you, Edward? All this natural mortal enemy nonsense is just in your head."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, love. You were right again, as per usual."

She patted my knee before linking her fingers with mine. She resumed eating her omelet as Jacob's snoring reached a crescendo and abruptly cut off.

 _...huh? Wuzzgoinon... Ugh! Oh, yuck, ow! My nose! It's burning!_

He let out a groan as he rolled over and sat up.

"About time. The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired," Rosalie complained and snorted. _Friends, indeed._

"Hey, Jake's coming around!" Seth said, leaning forward slightly to grin at his Alpha.

Jacob's short hair was sticking up in places, squashed against his head in others, and he had creases on his face from the pillow. His expression was slightly dazed as he blinked around the room in confusion until his eyes fell on Seth and the arm he had thrown across Bella's shoulders.

 _What the hell?_

I caught the flare of anger in his mind - an anger I could easily identify with. "Bella got cold," I explained.

 _Right. None o' my business, anyway. Doesn't belong to me..._

Seeing the anger that remained in Jacob's eyes, Seth correctly interpreted the reason behind it and pulled his arm back to himself. Pretending it had nothing to do with Jacob's look, he began to eat again, forking a huge bite into his mouth with one hand while holding the plate with his other.

"Leah running patrol?"

"Yeah," Seth agreed around a mouthful of food. "She's on it. No worries. She'll howl if there's anything. We traded off around midnight. I ran twelve hours." Anyone could have heard the pride in his voice as he made his report. Jacob hadn't wanted him in his pack; he was pleased to be able prove his usefulness.

"Midnight? Wait a minute - what time is it now?"

"'Bout dawn."

 _Well, damn... slept the rest of the day and the whole night, too... dropped the ball._ "Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake."

"Naw, man, you needed some serious sleep. You haven't taken a break since when? Night before your last patrol for Sam? Like forty hours? Fifty? You're not a machine, Jake. 'Sides, you didn't miss anything at all."

 _Nothin', huh?_ Bella and Jacob's eyes met, and she grinned at him. "How's the rib?"

"Taped up nice and tight. I don't even feel it," she said, unconcerned despite the warnings Carlisle had given to her. I ground my teeth, frustrated that she was still so convinced that she would live through the birth of the monster that was killing her from within.

I heard the sneer in Jacob's voice that didn't quite hide his disgust when he eyed her cup and asked, "What's for breakfast? O negative, or AB positive?"

Bella's poked her pink, kitten-like tongue out at him, proving what Esme had thought earlier: Bella had fun with Jacob. Easily, naturally, without any effort.

"Go get some breakfast, Jake," Seth prompted him. "There's a bunch in the kitchen. You've got to be empty."

Jacob ignored his gurgling stomach, narrowed his eyes at the young man, and asked, "What's Leah having for breakfast?"

"Hey," he defended himself. "I took food to her before I ate _anything._ She said she'd rather eat roadkill, but I bet she caves. These cinnamon rolls..." He trailed off as he took another bite.

"I'll go hunt with her, then."

Carlisle had heard Jacob's voice and came to the living room to stop him before left. "A moment, Jacob?"

Jacob turned around and eyed my father. He knew how much he owed to Carlisle, and his face didn't hold the look of defensive anger it would have had any other member of my family stopped him.

"Yeah?"

"Speaking of hunting, that's going to be an issue for my family. I understand that our previous truce is inoperative at the moment, so I wanted your advice. Will Sam be hunting for us outside of the perimeter you've created? We don't want to take a chance with hurting any of your family - or losing any of ours. If you were in our shoes, how would you proceed?"

Jacob seemed surprised at being asked such a question. For a moment, his thoughts were less than charitable, but he quickly reconsidered his response. He might not wish to sympathize with our needs, but if he didn't feel he could offer us hunting advice, he could at least offer advice on how not to get caught.

I shouldn't have been surprised at the thoughtful and thorough answer Jacob provided. I knew more than enough of the young man by that point that I should have expected no less of him, but I kept finding my ingrained prejudices as difficult to overcome as Jacob did.

Jacob told Carlisle to go out in the daytime. Rosalie gave a soft snort of contempt at his reference to what he called, "traditional vampire stuff."

Carlisle protested Jacob's suggestion that we all hunt together, leaving Bella without any of us to protect her from the pack of werewolves who had already proven their willingness to kill her.

"And what are we, chopped liver?" Jacob asked with a snort.

Although he laughed at Jacob's caustic wit, Carlisle's face grew serious again quickly. I caught an image in his mind of Jasper, Emmett, and I engaged in one of our wrestling matches - the kind that we had learned long ago to indulge in far from home due to the stress that watching us would cause Esme. Only, in his mind, rather than laughing, boasting, and razzing each other, we were snarling in anger. Rather than keeping to the well-defined rules which had always prevented any serious injury, we were aiming to kill. He'd seen the wolves in action only briefly as they handled the last of the newborns they had herded toward the clearing during the fight months ago, but he could picture all too easily how it would look if they were to fight each other with lethal intentions.

Carlisle's face paled slightly, and he insisted, "Jacob, you can't fight against your brothers."

"I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but if they were really coming to kill her - I would be able to stop them."

Anxious that Jacob had misunderstood him, Carlisle shook his head. "No, I didn't mean that you would be... incapable. But that it would be very wrong. I can't have that on my conscience."

"It wouldn't be on yours, Doc. It would be on mine. And I can take it."

"No, Jacob. We will make sure that our actions don't make that a necessity." Carlisle paused, frowning. _...said we should hunt together, that there would be safety in numbers, but that applies to Bella's protection as well. Even if we were willing to all leave at once, that would mean three wolves against seven. Willing or not, those are not good odds. No... better to keep it even._ "We'll go three at a time. That's probably the best we can do."

"I don't know, Doc. Dividing down the middle isn't the best strategy."

"We've got some extra abilities that will even it up. If Edward is one of the three, he'll be able to give us a few miles' radius of safety."

I glared at him in shock. How could he even think I would consider leaving Bella to go _hunt?!_ It had been bad enough when I had run off into the forest surrounding our house, but I'd only been gone a few minutes that time. Even as fast as vampires were, hunting took time. What if something were to happen to Bella while I was gone?

He glanced at me, and I saw my livid expression in his mind. Correctly interpreting my anger, he realized he'd have to rely on our other family members' gifts, instead. "I'm sure there are other ways, too. Alice, I imagine you could see which routes would be a mistake?" _...hunting doesn't involve the fetus... she should be able to see._

"The ones that disappear. Easy," she agreed with a nod.

"Okay, then. That's settled. I'll just be on my way. Seth, I'll expect you back on at dusk, so get a nap in there somewhere, all right?"

"Sure, Jake. I'll phase back soon as I'm done. Unless..." _...still seems so cold..._ "Do you need me?" he asked Bella.

"She's got blankets," Jacob said with a snarl.

"I'm fine, Seth, thanks."

While Carlisle had been talking to Jacob, Esme had prepared another plate of food. Feeling pleased with herself that she'd thought to finish more of the omelets, she offered the covered plate to Jacob.

"Jacob. I know it's... unappetizing to you, the idea of eating here, where it smells so unpleasant. But I would feel much better if you would take some food with you when you go. I know you can't go home, and that's because of us. Please - ease some of my remorse. Take something to eat."

 _...aw, jeez..._ He seemed not to want to take the food, but I knew how difficult it was to resist Esme when she was in mom mode, and Jacob found himself agreeing. "Uh, sure, sure. I guess. Maybe Leah's still hungry or something."

 _...just dump it under a tree or something so she won't feel bad._

His and Leah's protests were ridiculous. Food was food, wasn't it? What did it matter that a vampire had prepared it? Would they go hungry just out of pride?

 _Don't you say anything to her! Let her think I ate it. ...better agree with me... bloodsucker owes me..._

"Thank you, Jacob," Emse said.

"Um, thank you," he returned, and his brown skin darkened slightly. I almost laughed, thinking he blushed as easily as Bella did. _...problem with hanging out with vampires... get used to them and they mess with the way you see the world... start feeling like friends..._

"Will you come back later, Jake?" Bella asked as he edged toward the door.

"Uh, I don't know."

I was aware of the conflict within him. He couldn't stay, but neither could he stay away.

"Please? I might get cold."

"Maybe," he hedged, but he would be back. He resumed edging toward the door, and seemed ready to bolt through it when my mother stopped him a second time.

"Jacob? I left a basket of clothes on the porch. They're for Leah. They're freshly washed - I tried to touch them as little as possible. Do you mind taking them to her?"

"On it." Before she could offer anything further, he turned abruptly and stalked through the door.


	35. Wake Up Call

**35\. Wake Up Call**

Jacob tucked the basket of clothes under one arm, noting the additional plate of food on top. I followed Jacob's mind as he stalked across the lawn toward the trees.

 _...everything's all messed up... never thought I'd feel guilty for being rude to a leech... woulda hurt her feelings if I'da said no... shouldn't matter! They're_ _ **vampires**_ _... care if I'm rude to a parasite, but..._

He set the basket down and took the cellophane off the plate in his hands when he could no longer detect our scent in the air. He was intending to dump it on the ground, but when he exposed the food, the smell hit him at the same time his stomach gave an audible rumble. With the plate held right under his nose, he inhaled deeply and groaned. Shrugging, he sat down and leaned his back against a tree.

 _...dang, but that smells good... well, waste not, want not..._

I couldn't stop my smirk as he began to eat. I wasn't sure if I was glad he was eating for his sake, or if my reasons were less chivalrous, but at least Bella would be pleased. He was about halfway done when Leah strolled over to him.

 _"Look who finally decided to join the land of the living."_

 _"Hey, sorry 'bout last night, Leah. You shoulda woke me."_

She plopped down beside him with a shrug. _"Me and Seth had it covered."_

 _"Yeah, you did. But you shouldn't've had to cover for me."_

 _"Well, don't be such a lazy bum next time, ya slacker. Then we won't have to."_ Judging by the curve of her lips, the words weren't said with any real heat to them. She eyed him for a long moment before thrusting her chin toward the rapidly disappearing food. _"I can't believe you're eating that."_

He gestured with his fork. _"Your plate's over there, along with a bunch of clothes."_

She snorted.

 _"You can pretend it's roadkill if it'd make you feel better."_

 _"I already ate, thanks."_ Her voice was sour as she glared at him.

 _"Deer?"_

She lifted a shoulder and pretended to scrutinize the forest for movement.

 _"C'mon, Leah. This is surprisingly not awful. Eat."_

 _"You gonna make that an order?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _"Well, in that case..."_ Leah stood, grabbed the basket of clothes, and tossed the whole thing into the river, including the plate of food Esme had fixed for her. She stalked out of Jacob's view to remove her own clothes, folding them neatly and tucking them into the crook of a tree before changing forms and darting away.

I sighed and thought I should recommend any further meals my mother wanted to give to the wolf girl be served on paper plates. I didn't care about the clothes, but Bella needed plates from which to eat.

When Seth and Bella had finished their breakfast, Esme took their plates to clean, and we all sat in companionable silence as we watched the sunrise through the large wall of windows. With a belly full of food and having spent much of the past day running, Seth's eyes began to glaze over. Before long, he was stifling a yawn while he shook his head and blinked.

"The bed in my room is available, Seth. No one would disturb you if you'd like to take a nap."

"Nah, I'm not sleepy just yet. Thanks, though."

Alice giggled when he sat up straighter and attempted to look more awake. _...like a kid allowed to stay up past his bedtime..._

Carlisle came back into the living room and took note of Bella's posture, her alert eyes, and pink cheeks. "How are you feeling this morning, Bella?"

"Great. Better than I have all week, actually."

"I am glad to hear that. And your rib?"

"Oh, it's fine. I don't even notice it."

Seth's brow furrowed. _What's up with her rib?_

"The fetus broke it," I said flatly.

He glanced at me, realized I was answering his unspoken question, and turned his wide eyes onto Bella. "The baby broke your rib?"

Bella shrugged dismissively. "It's _fine_. It was just a crack, and anyway, Carlisle taped it up so I can't even feel it."

"Then why were you wincing when I sat beside you?"

"A woman's body goes through many changes during pregnancy," Rosalie said as she shot him a glare. "Bella's body is making a lot of adjustments in a very short time frame. It's only to be expected that she's a little tender."

"'Tender'!"

"No, that's about right; I just feel a bit tender. Well, and huge." She laughed half-heartedly, but when no one seemed to share her amusement, she quickly continued, "Mostly it's just hard to move, but I'm fine, Edward. Really."

Unable to stop my low growl, I looked away from them and gritted my teeth.

Seeing that I wasn't going to argue further, Carlisle turned to speak to the girl at my side. "May I examine you, Bella?"

She bit her lip. "I need to use the bathroom first."

"Of course. I will wait for you upstairs. Rose?"

Alice, Seth, and I stood from where we were seated in order to make it easier for Rosalie to lift Bella into her arms. I would have preferred to be the one helping her, but had a feeling that using the bathroom was something a woman should help her with, whether I was her husband or not.

"Think I'll go check on Jazz," Alice said as she flitted from the room.

When we were alone, Seth spoke quietly. "It broke her rib?"

I nodded and sank back to the couch. "Yesterday. Just before Jacob fell asleep."

"Huh." He sat beside me and thought of how she'd looked when Jacob had first seen her. He poked the empty cup she'd left propped in the corner of the couch. "Drinking that's really helping her."

I shrugged. "It's helped them both, but that's not necessarily a good thing as far as _it_ is concerned."

"Because of her rib?"

I nodded.

"Yeah."

His mind wandered back to the conversation Carlisle and Jacob had had about hunting. He thought of the meal he'd just eaten and then pictured the mountains of food his pack had devoured every time they'd gotten together at Emily's.

 _...pack'll eat every chance we get, but it's been days since any of_ them _left... gonna do if they can't leave? ...have blood here I guess they don't really have to go -_

"No, Seth. That was meant for the surgery Carlisle was expecting to perform before Bella insisted on keeping the - _it_. Freely donated or not, none of us would drink it. Bella's circumstances are... unusual."

"You can say that again." _...don't really know anything about vampires 'cept what our tribe passed down... most of_ that _was about how to kill 'em, not how to keep 'em alive... how long..._ He glanced at me, seeming to remember that I could hear his thoughts. "Nevermind. Not my business."

Shrugging, I smiled slightly. "It's alright. We don't need sustenance every day like a human does. I usually go two weeks between meals. That's pushing it for Jasper, but Carlisle can go longer."

 _...meals... guess that's one way to describe it. Well, deer blood or deer meat, I guess it's pretty much the same._

I couldn't help but to laugh, though it was short and humorless. "That's Carlisle's philosophy."

His eyes flashed to my face and noted the black color of my eyes. I was surprised when he seemed to understand the significance. Bella was the only one I had met who had made the connection between my eye color and feeding habits.

"Has it been two weeks?"

"Nearly, but it doesn't matter; I'm not thirsty," I said in a hard voice.

My family member's faces flickered across his mind, and all of their eyes were much darker gold than the bright yellow he remembered them being at the wedding.

Swallowing my venom, evidence of the lie I'd spoken, I agreed with a sigh, "Yes. _They_ are."

"Well, hopefully Jacob will be able to give you a green light soon."

I grunted in agreement.

"Maybe..." _...when he does... I don't think you should come back._

"I am not going. Didn't I just say I wasn't thirsty?"

 _...not what I meant..._

I felt bad for being short with him and muttered, "Sorry."

"Don't be, man. I get it. What I'm sayin' is... When Jacob says you're clear to go, you should _all_ go. _Leave_. Take Bella up to Tanya's place or something. Pack up and go somewhere Sam can't find you. Even if the baby doesn't... I mean..." _Bella can't be planning to survive this human._

"No. She isn't. But we can't move her now. She's better, yes, but you saw how she reacted to you sitting on the couch beside her. No matter how carefully we drove, leaving would put her in even greater danger than she is already. We can't go anywhere until it's born."

 _...guess that makes sense..._

Upstairs, Carlisle began to examine Bella. She wore an expression of happiness and excitement that made my chest ache. Unable to bear seeing the love she felt for the thing which would take her away from me, I concentrated on ignoring my father's mind by distracting myself with Seth's.

He frowned and thought of the wedding again, but this time, it was the confrontation between Jacob and myself he was remembering, as well as the warning I'd been given. Quil had said if I brought Bella back from our honeymoon in any condition other than human, they would not even bother trying to stop Jacob from killing me.

 _...had to know the pack would find out about this sooner or later... why didn't they go when they had the chance?_

"We came home so Carlisle could save her. I had expected him to remove it! We would've left almost as soon as Bella woke afterward. Of course, that was before I understood that she wanted to keep it."

"But once you did... Bella was healthier when you got here, right? She didn't get sick like this overnight, did she?"

"No. It happened fast, but no, it wasn't overnight."

"So, I guess I just don't get why you're still here. You _could've_ run, then. Once you found out what she wanted. She could've had the baby anywhere, and none of us would've known."

"True, but there are advantages we have here which we wouldn't elsewhere. Carlisle's a practicing doctor at the hospital in Forks and has privileges which would be unavailable to him if we left. It takes time to get established with a new hospital - time Bella doesn't have. Before Jacob came here, he'd been able to take her blood in for testing, and he was able to get medications, equipment, whatever he needed to try to treat her, even if none of it _worked._ And now, now that we know it's blood she needs, he has access to that too, and he wouldn't if we went anywhere else."

He was quiet for a moment, seeming not to want to ask the questions in his mind, but I heard them anyway.

 _Will he be able to get enough? And how much is it gonna need?_

"I don't know. She's nearly gone through the supply he brought home already. Mixing babies and blood is complicated and dangerous. He's not transfusing it to either of them, but he thinks it's best to stick with O negative, just in case, and there just aren't that many available."

"There's no guarantee this can happen even once, but twice?" He shook his head. "If Sam catches your scent outside of the perimeter we've set up, chances are he'll start circling your place instead of the rez, if he isn't already."

I nodded in acknowledgment.

"So what happens when Bella runs out next time?"

Carlisle came back downstairs then, followed by Rosalie, who had Bella in her arms. Rose's steps were so smooth, she seemed to glide down the stairs, but Bella's lips were pressed tight together, as if holding back cries of pain. Moving Bella at all was dangerous. I wished she would just consent to _stay_ upstairs, but she hated the hospital feeling of the exam room and insisted that a little discomfort while going up and down the stairs was well worth it.

How could any of us argue with that? If anything gave her some comfort, who could deny her?

My father had been listening to our conversation, and as he descended the stairs, he answered for me. "Forks Hospital is not my only resource. I intend to call on every hospital in the area as well as the local Red Cross hub. If I have to, I will buy every available unit in the state to see Bella through her pregnancy."

"Buy? You're going to _buy_ blood?"

"Certainly. Transfusing blood is essentially the same as administering medication, financially speaking. There is much that goes into preparing a donated unit for patient use, so that, although it can only be freely donated, it is not _free._ I cannot leave my hospital with nothing for our patients, but if I spread my purchases to the greater network, no one will be put through any hardships, and Bella will still have enough."

"For the next few days, perhaps," I muttered as Seth and I stood. She'd been drinking it almost non-stop, and I didn't think the Red Cross would be able to meet the demands of the creature if its needs increased as it grew.

"I doubt her pregnancy will last much longer than that, son. The blood has sped its growth rate."

I felt my eyes grow wide in alarm as Rosalie deposited my pregnant wife back onto the couch. "To what?"

"She's gained two centimeters since this time yesterday."

I groaned as I sank down to sit on the edge of the couch beside her.

Bella's gentle hands traced circles on my back. "That's a good thing, Edward. The faster he's born, the better for me, right?"

"Right."

Seth was eyeing her with concern as he took the chair across from us. Rosalie retrieved the pile of blankets and began to tuck them about Bella again, but I turned toward them with a frown.

"Do you still need those? You're sweating."

"She's running a fever," Rosalie said.

"You're ill? With what?" I looked at my Bella with a new sense of dread. I should have paid attention to the exam! If she caught so much as a cold and started sneezing or coughing, I could only imagine the reaction the creature within her would have. She could barely move as it was!

"I do not know, son. With the stress her body is undergoing right now, even the most innocuous of normal flora could have taken the opportunity to proliferate. As of now, her only symptom is the fever, which could be an indication of illness, or a reaction to the blood, or it could simply be in reaction to the baby and how hard her body is working."

"It's not a big deal, Edward. It's just a low fever. Lucky me, I have Seth here to keep me warm, and you to cool me off."

"Lucky," I repeated dully.

"I'm a little too warm right now," Bella hinted with a small smile.

Unable to resist the look in her eyes, I forced myself to return her smile. "Come here, then," I invited her and leaned back so that I could pull her against my chest. Strangely, I began to feel an odd tingling warmth all over me, almost like my skin felt an echo of her fever. But that was absurd. I was ice cold as always; I could tell the difference between our skin temperatures as soon as Bella touched me.

She pressed herself against me with a sigh and closed her eyes. Wiping the sweat from her face, I hoped she'd be able to nap again, but the telephone rang before she had the chance, and she opened her eyes. Biting her lip, she looked at the place where - a moment earlier - Carlisle had been standing. "What do you want to bet that's Charlie?"

"It's a little early for Renee to be calling."

"Charlie? Renee?" Seth was staring at Bella with a frown. "You aren't planning on telling them you're pregnant, are you?"

I answered for her, "No, of course not." From the kitchen, I could clearly hear Carlisle's conversation and grunted. "It's not him this time. The hospital's calling to check up on Carlisle. He's never missed a day of work before, and this long absence has them concerned."

"It probably won't be long before we hear from him. I think Charlie knows something's going on that we're not telling him. Lying doesn't exactly come naturally to me."

"I'm sure you are right. He may have pretended to believe your lies before, but this..."

Seth made a low, nervous sounding hum. "Charlie told Billy that Bella had a rare disease, but to be honest, I'm kinda surprised he hasn't been over here trying to break the door down."

"Carlisle has been insisting that Bella remain in quarantine. Renee has checked in a few times and offered to fly across the country, but Bella was able to dissuade her. Charlie is being much more persistent, but Carlisle can be persuasive and has convinced him that it is too dangerous for him to come over."

"Yeah, but I think that backfired, because now he's worried I'm even worse than we've told him."

"What other choice did we have? He can't come here."

"I think he will anyway."

I met her eyes in alarm.

"He's a cop, Edward. He knows I'm sick, and he's worried. He's not going to be concerned about his own safety if we can't convince him not to worry about mine."

"Hmm. Maybe you should tell him we're taking you to a hospital after all. He was pushing for that a few days ago; if he thinks we've left, we wouldn't have to worry about him showing up here."

She nodded, frowning, and I thought she might have been worried about lying to her father. As lying was part of being a vampire, I didn't think it was the act itself that bothered her, but her ability to do so convincingly.

"Um, Rose?"

My sister blinked at her in surprise. "Do you need the bathroom again?"

"No." Bella's eyes darted to the empty cup. "But I'm - he's - _we're_ thirsty."

Rose smiled her understanding. "I'll be right back." She glared at me before leaving. _...try anything stupid. I do mean_ right _back..._

I felt my lips curl and wondered if she'd ever trust me again. Not that she had any reason to, but her continuous taunts were wearing on my already thin nerves.

She darted away, returning to hand Bella hew newly filled cup just before Carlisle came back into the living room, rubbing his forehead.

 _...that I don't appreciate their concern, but the worst thing they could do right now is come to check on us... aside from needing to restock Bella's supply, I_ have _to stop by the hospital soon... think Edward is correct, though. Her father needs to think we are not here before he decides to pay us a visit despite my warnings._

I grunted in agreement. "Well, hopefully Jacob will find that it's safe to leave the perimeter they've established, and you can take care of everything in one trip."

"Actually, I am rather glad they called."

"I heard. And so did Esme, by the way."

 _I knew you would, but Esme will understand, and I am sure Bella would like some reassurance, too._

"So, what's stopping you?"

He eyed me, but I didn't have the patience to be polite or apologize for my tone, and I met his gaze with a glare. He decided not to press me and shot Rosalie an apologetic glance before turning his gentle smile onto Bella. "While I dislike lying about such things, I told my supervisor that Esme has had a miscarriage, and her bleeding had yet to subside."

Rosalie gasped. "You told him _what?"_

"I had to give them an explanation for the blood use, Rosalie; what would you rather I have said? Any injury severe enough to require the amount of blood I have asked for would require hospitalization, no matter the other circumstances."

My sister continued to scowl at him, but gestured for him to continue.

His eyes met Bella's again. "I blamed your illness for her loss and as an explanation for why I couldn't bring her into the hospital for treatment. They are placing an order that should keep you and the fetus supplied with as much blood as you can drink. It should be there before the day is out, so we can leave whenever Jacob says it is safe to do so."

The phone rang again, and a look of annoyance briefly crossed my father's face before he returned to the kitchen to retrieve the phone. _...why I left it in there..._

 _"That's_ Charlie," Bella said with confidence. "It's gotta be."

I chuckled and pressed my lips into her hair as soon as I heard his voice coming through the speaker. Bella's father had sounded angrier each time he called, and I was sure he was tired of being told to stay away from his daughter, especially as she had been sedated and unable to speak to him the last time he'd called. Before that, she'd sounded so sick, her voice scratchy and weak. He would be able to hear the improvement, but that was probably going to make him more insistent that he be allowed to see her. Both Carlisle and Bella would have to be convincing to keep him from coming over.

"...because she won't be here, Charlie."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We are leaving in a few minutes."

"Leaving. I thought you said Bella was under quarantine! Where the Hell do you think you're going with my daughter?"

"Charlie - "

"Look, Carlisle, just because she married that boy of yours, does not mean I'm not still responsible for her!"

"Of course you are, Charlie. Just listen to me, please. Bella's condition has stabilized, but she is still unwell. It is not wise for you to risk your own health. I am only asking for your patience until I can be assured of your safety."

"I'll thank you to let me make the decisions about my own safety, damn it. If it's safe enough for _you_ to be around her, then by God, there is no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to come by."

"Yes, there is, Charlie. We have all been exposed already, and Esme and Rosalie are showing signs of having the illness. I cannot allow you to risk spreading this to the population. Your own safety aside, you cannot put others at risk like that."

He grumbled unintelligible half-words before he refuted, "How exactly does that fit in with you leaving? Won't _you_ be exposing people?"

Wanting to make sure Bella heard the lies he was telling her father, Carlisle returned to the living room. "We will be staying under strict quarantine while we travel. There are enough of us to switch off driving duties so that we can just go straight to the CDC without needing to stop for anything other than gas. And when we do _that,_ we will take precautions so as not to contaminate anyone."

"Wait. The CDC? The Center for Disease Control? You're taking her to Atlanta?"

"That's right."

"Jesus, Carlisle. You're taking Bella _there?_ It's that serious?" His voice dropped to a whisper.

"Potentially, yes. And I am taking my whole family there, not just Bella."

"But you said she'd stabilized..."

"She has, but..." Carlisle sighed, sounding as weary as any overworked doctor. "I do not want to bore you with a lot of technical medical details. I have contacts there, and the pathologists believe it is in everyone's best interests if they be allowed to see her personally. Esme and Rosalie, too."

"You still haven't told me what's making her so sick."

"We do not have a name for it, as of yet."

"I dunno, Carlisle. I don't think a long trip like that is a good idea. Seattle is so much closer, can't you just..."

"They are not set up to handle this."

"They're a hospital, aren't they? They can keep them in sterile rooms and - "

 _"No._ It would not be good enough to assure containment. The risk is too high."

"And what about the risk to Bella?"

"She will be under the care of the best doctors in the world, Charlie. You cannot ask for anything more than that."

"The Hell I can't!"

"You coming with us is _not_ an option."

There was only silence from his end.

"Charlie? I insist. Do _not_ come here."

"Let me talk to her. I don't care if she is sleeping. This time, damn it, you wake her up and let me speak with my daughter!"

"Make it good," I whispered into her ear as Carlisle offered Bella the phone.

She cleared her throat and carefully repositioned herself so that she sat straighter before taking the phone. "Hey, Dad."

 _"Bella."_ I could hear the relief in his voice as he breathed her name. "Jesus, kid, you had me worried."

"Sorry I missed your call yesterday. Edward told me when I woke up, but it was so late, and I didn't want to wake you."

That much was true, at least. I smiled slightly, wondering if she would end up needing to lie to him at all.

"I wish you would've called! I was up half the night anyways. Bells, this..." He sighed angrily. "Listen, kid, I'm really worried, alright?"

"I just needed a good sleep. Honestly, I'm feeling much better."

"Well... you _sound_ better. A lot better, actually."

"Carlisle thinks I'm over the worst of it now."

"Good! I'll be right th-"

"No! I mean, I'm on the mend, but that doesn't mean it's safe for you to come over."

He didn't answer, but I could hear him grinding his teeth through the phone.

"You heard Carlisle, Ch- Dad. No one can see us."

"But it's just fine for you to go gallivanting across the country when there's a perfectly good hospital right here in Seattle."

"It is all a bit ridiculous." Bella chuckled, although I thought she sounded nervous. She seemed to hear the same thing and swallowed hard before trying to joke with him, "They're loading the cars with enough food to feed an army. We'll be caravaning the entire family across the country without any kind of pit-stops!"

I wished I could read his mind to be sure, but I could hear the change in his voice as he responded to Bella's teasing. "Tell him to pack a few bedpans."

"You've got to be kidding me. He can't expect us not to use a bathroom the whole way there; I'm sure he has something else in mind."

"Well, he's a doctor, so he's probably used to all that stuff, but you're right; he probably doesn't want it in his car... Hey, do me a favor, Bells."

"Sure thing, Dad."

"Pee on his seats for me."

"Ew, Dad! _Gross_. No way."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

Bella made an inarticulate noise. I tried to stifle a laugh as her cheeks turned bright pink.

"Don't you remember? That year we got lost and you just had to have another Coke?"

"Aw, Dad! _Please_ stop."

"I told you how far the next rest station was, but did you believe your old man?"

"Okay, okay! Yes, I remember. Now, I think that's enough embarrassing childhood memories for one day." They laughed together for a moment, and I couldn't help but trail a finger across the extra warmth in her cheeks, which only turned a brighter red as she saw my amused smirk.

"I miss you, Bells."

"Miss you too, Dad. Look, don't worry, 'kay? Everything will be fine. I'll be home before you know it. Promise."

"Call me when you get there, alright?"

"Sure, sure." She hung up quickly, just as he started to say something else to her. Bella dropped the phone, winced, and leaned away from me as she rubbed her side.

"Bella?"

She shook her head.

"Is it your rib?" I asked, seeing that where she was rubbing was close to the place where it had broken her bone.

She shook her head again. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing shallowly. I looked away from her face to stare in horror at her swollen stomach as she pulled in a sharp breath through her teeth. It _moved_ , the skin across her stomach rippling and bulging, and she gasped and clutched at my arm. Her stomach jumped as the creature within her kicked out. She didn't make another noise, enduring its kicks in silence. After several tense minutes, her breathing deepened, and she slumped against me. She'd have a few new bruises, but at least it hadn't gone for a bone this time.

"Bella?" I pressed her.

"It's fine. He was just moving."

Fine, she said. _Fine!_ On the mend, even! Carlisle telling Charlie she'd stabilized was one thing when he would have been able to hear the difference in her voice, but to say she was on the mend implied she was going to be healthy again, to be normal again, to _see_ him again, when we all knew that could never happen. I pressed my lips together to avoid asking the question I'd said to her so many times before. What was she thinking?!

Seth slid deeper into his chair after Bella didn't move for several minutes. I'd already offered him my bed, and I wasn't about to kick him out of the house to sleep in the dirt, so I left him alone. Besides, Bella was my priority, and I could tell that she wasn't as relaxed as she pretended to be. Her shoulders were tense and her fingers were clutching at my shirt as though it were a life-line.

The thing inside of her wasn't finished tormenting her and it wasn't too long before she pushed herself closer to me to wait out another round of its punishing stretches and kicks. My relief that it wasn't aiming for her bones was short-lived. We all clearly heard the crack just before Bella cried out and pressed a hand to her side.


	36. Guessing Games

**36\. Guessing Games**

"Carlisle!" He was already kneeling down in front of Bella before I'd finished saying his name.

Bella was hissing in short, uneven breaths. She pushed herself away from me, seeming to try and sit up straight without moving more than she needed to. If it had broken another of her ribs, the simple motion of her lungs would cause her yet more pain, not to mention the potential for internal damage the broken bone presented.

While one part of his attention was focused on counting her breaths and pulse rate, another was focused on her conscious reactions to the injury. "Bella?"

"Mmph."

"It broke another rib," I said as I stood to allow them more room.

"I cannot be sure of that until I get an X-ray."

"Nope. It's a rib." Bella grunted and winced as the fetus continued to squirm within her. Its movements were just visible through the tightly stretched skin on her stomach.

"Bella..."

"Just. Give me. Mmm. Gimme a minute, Carlisle," she said before biting her lip.

Every wince, each shuddering breath, the muffled cries she made as it kept moving tore at me. Two ribs in less than twenty-four hours! The fingers on my hands formed into claws as I stood and uselessly watched her hurting. I wished so desperately that she would allow me or Carlisle to do something to stop it from harming her - or anyone else - but by this point I knew arguing was futile. It would be born in a matter of _days._ Days!

My Bella would spend the rest of her short life in pain from my carelessness. I dreaded its arrival, but a part of me couldn't wait for its birth, just so Bella wouldn't be hurting anymore.

After several minutes, the fetus seemed to settle down.

"Bella, I need to examine you," Carlisle insisted.

She swallowed hard and nodded. "'Kay."

"Rose?" Carlisle turned toward my sister.

My hands twitched toward Bella. "May I carry you?" Rosalie hissed, but I ignored her and kept my eyes on Bella's face. As soon as her eyes met mine, they softened and, despite the pain she had to have been in, the corners of her lips turned up.

"Of course, Edward," she whispered with a nod.

Almost afraid to touch her and make things worse, I unwrapped her from the blankets and slid my hand under her legs. My other arm curled around to cup her hip, and I stood, cradling my beloved wife in my arms. Bella carefully leaned against me, gripping my shirt in her fists. She had never seemed to weigh more than a feather, but holding her now, I was convinced that she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I could feel her delicate bones pressing against my stone skin and the changes in the curves I had once caressed.

Seeing the differences in her face, in the protrusion of her collarbones, and in the thinning of her fingers and wrists was different from feeling the changes affecting her entire body. I almost wanted to agree with her: the rapid development of the fetus was a good thing. Vampire child that it was, the creature within her was sucking the life out of the stubborn girl who insisted upon keeping it. She had always been slight and didn't have any weight left _to_ lose. How much thinner would she grow if the pregnancy wore on for weeks?

The feeling was fleeting. There was _nothing_ good about the creature that was killing her! Its rapid development was surely the reason she was losing weight at all. A pregnant woman should gain weight, not lose it!

Seth's face showed his concern when I carried Bella back downstairs. She winced and hissed as I placed her in her spot on the couch, but once she was settled, she seemed to relax. I was surprised Seth was still awake. His eyes were glazed over, but he didn't seem inclined to leave.

Bella saw him watching her, and as I took up my position by her feet, she smiled at him in reassurance. "Just another crack. Nothing to worry about."

His eyes widened, and I was gratified to hear my own horror reflected in the tone of his thoughts. _'Just another crack'?!_ "Sure, Bella. Sure. What's one more broken rib? Now that you've got a matching pair, I'm sure you must feel all evened out. Balanced. Yeah."

Without any real humor and seeming to do so very carefully, Bella gave a small laugh. "I don't know about balance, but at least I can't trip over my own feet if I'm not allowed to stand on them."

Rosalie had positioned herself on Bella's other side, sitting on the arm of the couch while Bella leaned against her. There was something maternal about her smile when she brushed Bella's hair away from her face.

"It isn't that you're not _allowed,_ Bella. We just have to think of what's best for you and the baby right now, and you need to save your strength. Lots of women are placed on bedrest at some point during her pregnancy, so while I know it's frustrating for you, it's hardly unusual. And as for the breaks, well, even normal human babies have been known to crack their mother's ribs. Your little one is stronger than most, so this isn't even all that surprising."

Carlisle's hands clamped onto my shoulders like a vice, and I heard a sinister growling while I stared at my sister in shock. It took a moment for me to realize that the growl was coming from me, and Carlisle's hands were keeping me from launching myself at Rose.

 _Edward? Edward, you need to calm down, right now!_

Slowly, I forced each one of my muscles to relax, except for the glower which remained locked in place. I could feel the rumbling in my chest and didn't seem to be capable of stopping it, any more than I was capable of _not_ scowling at my sister.

She met my eyes with a steady gaze. "You may not like it, but it's the truth. Glaring at me doesn't change the facts."

"Perhaps not, but you treating my demon spawn like it's any sort of normal isn't helping anybody."

"Edward, please," Bella rebuked me. "I wish you would not call our child that."

I didn't approve of Rosalie's dismissive attitude toward the damage the fetus was doing to Bella's body, but our arguing was only making things worse for her.

I felt my angry scowl melt away and whispered, "Sorry, love. I just hate seeing you in pain."

"I'm not. Carlisle taped up this one just like the other." She rubbed a hand along her side. "See? I'm fine."

Unwilling to add to her stress any further, I said nothing. After a few moments of silence, Seth yawned and stood from his chair.

"Think I'll go take that nap now."

Unsurprised that he headed for the front door rather than the stairs that led to my room, I said, "Thanks, Seth."

He paused and glanced back at me with a furrowed brow. _For what?_

I shrugged, unsure how to express my appreciation for the young man's unconscious generosity toward my family.

Beside me, Bella smiled and waved. "Sleep tight, Seth. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

He laughed and said, "No worries. I'm not gonna be sleeping in a bed."

"Don't let the fleas bite, then," Rosalie muttered under her breath. I shot her a dirty look which she pointedly ignored, but Seth's lips were twitching with amusement.

"Seth?"

He looked back at Bella and watched her worry her bottom lip. When she didn't speak, he prompted, "What's up?"

"Do you think... If you were to ask..."

Although he seemed practically asleep on his feet, he smiled patiently and teased, "Spit it out, Bells."

Bella glanced at me from the corner of her eye as if to assess my reaction before she said, "I already asked him earlier if he would, but could you please ask Jacob to stop back by?"

Leaving my brothers in Carlisle's study, Alice came back into the living room and headed straight for the stairs, annoyed over her inability to see. With Seth leaving, her vision would not be totally blocked anymore, but would return to the blurry and frustrating future that she would try - and fail - to bring into focus. My normally cheerful sister was mentally groaning from the knowledge that her headache would shortly return.

Pausing with one hand on the banister, she glanced at Seth and added her own plea. "Yes, please do. I'm tired of hanging out in the attic like the vampire bat in the belfry."

"Will do." Seth chuckled as he ducked out the door. He carefully removed the clothes I'd given to him and stacked them on the porch before he took his wolf form and headed into the woods to sleep.

Alice zipped upstairs to lie on the bed which she and Jasper shared and closed her eyes. While Bella carefully shifted on the couch beside me in an attempt to get into a more comfortable position, I watched Alice trying to force her visions onto something other than the blurry girl beside me. After draining the cup Rosalie had filled, Bella's eyes drifted shut, and I gratefully felt her relax into sleep.

Jacob and Leah were taking their responsibilities seriously, and they kept up a constant patrol around our house. However, following Carlisle's request, Jacob took to pushing the borders of that protective ring farther and took off through the forest away from the area which they had designated as our territory. The circle he and Leah ran took them out of my mental range often, and with Seth asleep, I lost track of our guardians many times over the course of the day. I was relieved each time one or the other of them came close enough for me to hear again.

They were looking for signs of the other pack, but judging by the lack of alarm in either of their thoughts, they had not come across anyone in their searches. When I reported this to Carlisle, I could hear the relief in everyone's thoughts. Aside from their worries over the fate of Bella and the thing she carried, they were all thirsty and in need of a good hunt. Stress and thirst didn't make for good combinations in any vampire.

Bella dozed throughout the morning, and I was grateful for each minute of rest she was able to get. Between the fetus's movements and her own nausea, she'd slept so little since our return home. Now, when she woke, she did so out of thirst and hunger as well as a need to relieve herself. Rosalie elicited some laughs from her by joking about the baby using Bella's bladder as a pillow.

Around midday, Bella decided to call her father. She'd promised him that she would, she said, and that it was better to do it now than to wait on him to call, as he inevitably would have. Listening to her once again assure him that she was on the mend, I felt a scowl twisting my face. As she so obviously felt better, so long as the demon within her was still, it wasn't really a lie, but neither was it the truth. Her words implied that she would be back to her old self again, when we all knew that was not going to happen.

Exasperated, when she hung up with him I repeated the words I'd said to her so many times before. "Bella, what are you thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your health is _not_ improving. Why would you tell Charlie such a thing?"

Esme muttered my name in disapproval.

"Well it isn't."

"It is," Bella argued. "I feel so much better, really."

"For now, yes. I can see that. And believe me, no one is more glad of the fact than I. But, love, it's going to be hard enough on Charlie when you die. How much worse will it be with him thinking you're recovering, and _then_ for him to lose you?"

"I'm not going to die," she said firmly.

Enunciating my words carefully, and attempting to keep my emotions out of my voice, I said, "You are not going to survive this."

"Edward, I thought you weren't going to do this to her anymore," Rosalie said as she glared at me.

"That isn't what I..." I swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. "Listen. Say for a moment that you all are right, and I am not."

 _...it wouldn't be the first time..._

"Say the child is everything you hope it to be and more. That doesn't change your fate. Love, whatever else happens, you aren't getting through this as a human."

"No, of course not."

"Well, then? Why are you leading Charlie to believe that everything will be back to normal?"

A frown crossed her face, and she looked away from me to stare into the forest. As she rolled her lower lip through her teeth thoughtfully, I felt the familiar wish that I could just _see!_

"After you left me," she began, and I felt my muscles lock at the reminder of what I had done to her. Seemingly of its own accord, her hand moved over where I knew her heart to be and pressed against her chest. The fingers dug into her soft skin while she spoke. "There were a few weeks when Jacob and I were just... friends. H-he was human, and... and I was human, and when we were together, I could almost believe that there were no other people in the world. For a few hours at a time, I would pretend that vampires weren't real, and that your words in the forest were true."

She looked back into my eyes, and her forehead creased with worry. She held the hand that had been pressing against her heart out to me and said my name.

I was kneeling in front of her in an instant, gingerly taking her hand in mine. Her other hand cupped my cheek and a sigh escaped me at her gentle, willing touch. The slightest pressure of her fingers raised my face up toward hers, and I met her lovely, chocolate eyes. For a moment, I was glad that vampires were incapable of producing tears, until her thumb rubbed across my cheek as though they were streaming from my eyes.

Unable to help myself, I smiled at her. She knew me so well.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry," I scoffed and shook my head. As if any of that had been her fault.

"But then," she picked up the thread of her story, "everything changed. _Jacob_ changed. He said he couldn't be my friend anymore, but he couldn't tell me why. He seemed so angry! At himself. At me. And especially at _you._ He wasn't my Jacob anymore; he was Sam's."

"Sam was his Alpha."

"That's right. And Sam had forbidden any member of the pack to tell any human the truth about themselves."

I frowned. If Sam had forbidden him to speak of it, I didn't understand how Bella could have known what he was. The wolves had no choice but to follow the commands of their Alpha. I had seen the evidence of that when Jacob showed me his memory of leaving the pack.

"Then how - ?"

"He made me guess. See, before I knew what you were, I knew you weren't human. And Jacob, he seemed to know something about you that I didn't."

Knowing some of this already, I nodded and teased her, "So you flirted with that poor boy mercilessly until he told you all of his secrets, including what he knew of me."

A faint pink stained her cheeks, but she said, "I got him to tell me about you, about the legends his tribe had of the cold ones. And in the process he told me other stories of his people. Legends that he didn't believe at the time, but which ended up being the truth."

"That the Quileutes could turn into wolves."

She nodded. "And then, after he changed, when he wanted to tell me the truth about himself but couldn't, he reminded me that I already knew the answers. He asked me to remember the legends, and when I did, I understood. Well, sort of. I actually thought that him and his pack were the ones killing people, when it was really Laurent and Victoria. So I confronted him, and that's when he reminded me of the rest of the legend. The pack were the protectors..."

"And the leeches were the killers."

Her mouth twisted at the scorn in my voice, but she nodded. I could picture it just as she described. An icy shaft of fear shot down my spine. My defenseless human girl would have charged up to the enormous werewolf with no fear for herself, though she believed him to be a murderer! I could imagine her confronting him, her brown eyes flashing with anger and all of the strength of her fiery soul chasing away any sense of self-preservation or reason.

"Once I knew he turned into a wolf, then he was able to tell me the rest of the truth."

"As fascinating as I find this story to be, what does this have to do with anything?"

"Jacob wasn't allowed to tell me, but I guessed, and I guessed right. We're not allowed to tell Charlie..."

"So you want to help him _guess_ that we're vampires? Bella, that's absurd!"

"Yes, that's absurd, Edward. Of course I don't want him to guess we're vampires."

"Then I'm afraid I still don't understand."

"I want to help him guess _wrong."_

I sat back on my heels and studied her, thinking hard. That couldn't possibly work. Could it?

 _...know, that's not such a bad idea._

"Of course it is," I snapped at my mother.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because... This isn't remotely the same thing. Sam wouldn't have killed Bella if Jacob had told her what he was. If the Volturi find out Charlie knows we aren't human, that isn't really so different from him knowing what we are. They will kill Charlie, and then us too."

Bella arched an eyebrow. _"I_ knew you weren't human. I didn't need Jacob to tell me that."

"And look at the result! Your choices are to join us or die. Is that what you want for Charlie?"

"If you had never left me and had never gone to the Volturi? Weren't you planning on me living out my human life, and then finding a way to end yours once mine was over?"

"W- Yes, but..."

"Edward, listen. I've got it all figured out."

"Have you, now."

"What do humans believe about vampires? Surely you know all the myths."

Remembering our early conversations on this very same topic, I teased, "Sleeping in coffins, bursting into flames in the sunlight, turning into bats, that sort of nonsense?"

"Yep. None of which is right."

Frowning, I was forcefully reminded once again of how she was too smart for her own good. "And the drinking human blood part?"

"Do you plan on inviting him to join you and Emmett on a hunting trip? I'm jealous."

"Bella," I growled at her flippant tone.

"No, really. If he never sees you do it, I seriously doubt he'll come to the conclusion that you kill irritable grizzly bears for fun."

A booming laugh echoed down the hall before Emmett's voice called out, "Hey, no fair! The grizzlies are mine!"

We grinned at each other, and I savored the sight of her eyes lit with happiness and her sweet mouth curving upwards. Oh, how I missed the taste of her lips! I couldn't help but to at least cup her face in my hand and rest my cheek against hers. Her hands tangled in my hair as my arm wound around her. Carefully, all too aware of her fragility, I took my hand from her face to slide my arm under her legs and pull her into my embrace. I ignored Rose's hissed warning as Bella's only reaction to me moving her was to press herself tighter against me.

Moving inhumanly slowly, I stood and turned, seating myself where she had been. Unable to resist, I brushed my lips over her face until I found the soft spot by her jaw. Her soft hands were stroking my cheeks as she sighed into my ear. For a long moment, I simply held the girl I loved and tried to forget how little time we had left. Too soon, I heard her heart stumbling. It was working too hard as it was; she hardly needed me to make things worse by causing the already strained muscle to race.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered. "So much."

She pulled away from me so that she looked into my eyes. Firmly, almost as though she were trying to convince me of the fact, she said, "I love you, too."

When I said nothing else, she laid her head against my chest with a sigh. Her hands left my hair and moved to caress the demon growing within her.

"When he's born, and I'm one of you, we'll move to Alaska, just like we planned. I'll keep in touch with Charlie through phone calls. We'll make up some excuse or another for why we can't come home to see him. Claim that we were sent to another hospital on the other side of the world or something. Maybe that we had to go right from Atlanta to Dartmouth. Whatever we come up with, he'll never have to know about any of this. And then, once it's safe, once _I'm_ safe, we can visit him."

"Bella, even if we wait until we're sure you won't kill him, he'll _know._ He'll be able to see that you're different. He'll ask questions."

"I'm counting on that. And we'll tell him lies. Or, well, _you_ will. And we'll mix in just enough of the truth that he'll draw the wrong conclusions."

"And Renee?"

Bella sighed. "She'll be more difficult, but I think Charlie might be able to help us out where she's concerned."

 _...not sure I like that idea... supposed to just disappear... having yet another human know about us is too dangerous!_

"Even Rosalie agrees with me, Bella. No. That is not a good idea."

Rose shot me a dirty look, but didn't deny it.

"Why? Because of the Volturi?"

"Yes, because of the Volturi!"

"Are _you_ going to tell them?"

"Do you remember Aro's gift? I won't have to."

She took a deep breath, but winced and rubbed her side where she'd apparently forgotten her rib was cracked.

"Bella..." I began.

"I'm fine," she said automatically. "Just hear me out, okay? No one but our family ever has to know about Charlie and what he suspects. Which we'll make sure is far from the truth. You can read his mind to be certain of that, and then no laws will be broken, and the Volturi won't be able to say anything, even if they did know. Which they won't."

Esme and Rosalie glanced at each other and shook their heads. Neither of them approved of Bella's plan any more than I did, but they didn't seem to be willing to argue with her. Feeling her shiver in my arms, I realized it was time - past time - for me to stop arguing as well. She needed rest, not stress, and she needed to get warm. If the thought of Charlie in her life gave her any comfort at all, I wasn't about to take it from her.

Missing the feeling of her pressed against me already, I scooted slowly off the couch and stood with her. "Rose?" I said with a nod toward Bella's blankets.

"Um, wait. Since you're already up..."

"Need a human minute?" I asked with a half-smile.

Bella nodded, and I carried her into the bathroom, though I left her with Rosalie to assist her. When Bella was cocooned once again in her thick blankets, and I was seated by her feet, the argument was dropped, but not forgotten. My brothers were arguing with Carlisle, all three of them vacillating between being for and against the idea, though they never came to any conclusive decisions. Rosalie and Esme exchanged several anxious glances, but none of us mentioned Bella's plans again.

Instead, Rosalie distracted Bella with a lot of baby nonsense while Esme drifted off to the kitchen to cook food that she wasn't certain anyone would eat.

As the hours passed, Bella stopped responding to Rose's attempts at entertaining her. Though she'd eaten again - Esme had been pleased when her efforts weren't wasted - and had drunk several more cups of blood, she seemed listless as she curled up under the blankets. Esme offered to bring her some books and even turned the television on in order for her to have something to do, but once it was on, Bella didn't pay it any attention, and the books went unread.

Watching her eyes flicker repeatedly toward the glass door - and the trees which were visible through it - I thought I knew what her problem was. _Jacob._ It was always Jacob! Even after marrying me, even pregnant with my spawn, _still_ the girl I loved worried over the mutt who had nearly won her from me!

Well, at least I could try and comfort her, if nothing else. "Jacob will be here as soon as he's done patrolling."

Her eyes flashed to mine. They were wide, and the familiar look of bewildered confusion was in them. "Did you hear him say so?"

"Not in so many words. Nevertheless, he'll come back. I'm certain of it."

"I shouldn't have asked him to. He's not happy here."

"He's here by his own choice, Bella. Whether you asked or not, he'd be back."

She nodded, but I wasn't sure if she was agreeing with me, or simply accepting my statement for what it was. As though drawn there against her will, her eyes returned to the wide glass windows and the forest where the werewolves prowled.

Abandoning my position by Bella's blanketed feet, I stood from the couch and began to pace. Although most vampires reacted to stress by holding themselves still, the need to do _something_ was overwhelming. Bella's eyes began to alternate between watching the door and watching me.

Finally, exasperated with me, Esme heaved a sigh and thought, _Edward. You are not helping anyone! Will you_ _ **please**_ _sit? Or find something useful to do. Go help your brothers._

I sneered and shook my head, unable to bring myself to even consider leaving Bella to go _read._

 _Fine, then. Help Bella._

"How?" I muttered sourly.

 _Play for her._

I stopped pacing and swung around to glare at her. "You have got to be kidding me."

 _Music is good for babies._ Seeing my lips curl in derision, she quickly added, _It's good for their mothers, too. Bella loves to hear you play. Your pacing is making her anxious. It would give her a sense of normality, I think, if she were to hear you playing your piano._

I hesitated, glancing at Bella. She was watching me again, with the line between her brows showing me the truth in Esme's words. My restlessness was causing Bella distress.

"Please, Edward?" _I'm sure it would do you good, too._

"Fine," I muttered and strode toward the front room to where my piano waited.


	37. Silver Lining

**37\. Silver Lining**

Sitting down on the familiar bench, I rested my hands on my thighs and considered what to play. Esme waited patiently with snatches of melody flickering through her thoughts as she wondered which song I would choose. She thought of the complex song I had composed for her so many years ago. Though I had never settled on a name for the piece, it had always been Esme's favorite, and I simply referred to it as such.

I shook my head. That particular song was light and playful, full of runs and dancing patterns that covered the entire keyboard. It had been fun to write and was always a pleasure to play, but I didn't feel I would be able to keep up the pace that made the song sound joyous.

Esme had heard nearly every song I'd ever composed, but the ones I'd played most recently were those I'd composed for Bella. The simple tune I'd written when first I had fallen in love with the fragile human girl ran through Esme's thoughts next, and I nodded in agreement, though she couldn't see.

My fingers spread to shape the first chords, but when they touched the keys, I found myself unable to press down upon them. Though the song I loved to play more than any other would surely have lifted Bella's spirits, I couldn't bring myself to play it. The very thought caused my eyes to sting and my chest to ache.

Perhaps something else, then? Some other song Bella enjoyed? I knew how to play most of the popular tunes I'd heard her listen to, but none of them felt right.

Eventually, I simply sat and stared at the keys. The piano seemed to taunt me with its silence, and I scowled at it, as though it were the instrument's fault that I couldn't bring it to life. Flexing my stone hands, I wondered how I had ever dared to think I could bring anything to life when I had none of my own. The only thing I had ever given someone before now was death.

Trembling, I stood from the bench and backed away from it. Though her heart still beat, I had brought death to Bella, and if I dared to touch the piano again, I would surely destroy it as well.

My back came up against a wall, and I just managed to stop myself from crashing through it in my distress. Hearing only silence from me, Esme seemed to accept that I wouldn't be playing and stopped thinking of songs. Not wanting to see the look of pity which I was sure to find on her face if I returned to the living room at that moment, I slid against the wall until I came up against a door. I groped for the knob and slipped into the room.

The piano being my favorite instrument, and not one that lent itself well to being constantly shifted about, it was given a place of honor in the front room. However, it was hardly my only instrument. Perhaps I could play for Bella on something else.

Depending from hooks on the walls of the room in which I stood were enough instruments to supply a small orchestra. Along one wall were the various stringed instruments I preferred. My hand hovered over the case which sheltered the violin Carlisle had given to me decades ago. My piano had been replaced several times over the years as advances in the materials from which pianos could be made, as well as their construction techniques and designs, gave rise to bigger and better instruments, but the violin had changed little since even before Carlisle had been born.

It was the oldest instrument I owned and special to me for several reasons, but when I tried to picture myself standing in front of Bella with the bow in one hand, the fingers of the other spread across the neck, and my chin on the rest, the image wouldn't come. On another day, perhaps I could have made the violin sing for her, but not now.

Shifting my gaze to the next set of instruments, I considered taking down one of my guitars. I owned a variety of electric and acoustic guitars, some with six strings, some with twelve, and even an Eddie Van Halen Frankenstein replica which Emmett had given to me one year for Christmas as a joke - he may have laughed, but it had quickly become one of my favorites - but I felt that if I were to bring out a guitar to play, I would be expected to sing along with it, and there was no way that I would be capable of that.

My eyes swept the room. Though some hung from the wall, more were stashed in shelves or sat on the floor. I had the standard western instruments, of course: a viola, a double bass, and several styles of cellos. In my fascination with all things musical, I had also picked up some which were more common in other parts of the world. A sitar, a mandolin, and an exquisite Chinese zinther had made their way into the room full of instruments, but as I stood in the center, surrounded by evidence of a century of music-making, I was mocked by their silence.

It was all I could do not to grab one from where it hung. Not to play it, no. To use as a weapon with which I would smash the rest. Perhaps their silence would mock me no more when they were as broken as I would soon be.

A garbled noise escaped me as I turned away from the wall full of stringed instruments. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I tried to hold back the sounds of grief that wanted to come forth. The last thing I wanted was for Esme to find me weeping like a small child on the floor of the otherwise silent room.

The instruments which I faced now were nothing like those on the opposite wall. The strings had all been lovingly maintained and were in pristine condition. The ones opposite them were ruined, and no longer capable of music. Oh, once they had been fine instruments. The brasses had rung with triumph and excitement. The saxophone's notes had been mellow and sexy. The oboe had been fun for a short time, but like all of the wind instruments, it had died, the double reeds and wooden barrel quickly disfigured by the venom that flowed in my mouth.

The entire wall of instruments was a testament of what I was. No longer shining, the trumpet looked rusted, the trombone's long slide was riddled with holes, and the bottom curve of the tuba had been eaten clean through by the venom I had been unable to fully clean away. An entire decade I'd spent with wind instruments, trying various ways to play and _not_ ruin the fragile materials with which they were made. No matter how quickly I'd cleaned them after playing, nor how thoroughly I'd removed every trace of moisture, I'd eventually conceded defeat, with the evidence of my monstrosity preserved in their displayed carcasses.

Well, all but one.

Although the silver of the flute was slightly oxidized due to its exposure to the air, it had never been affected by my venom. It, alone of all my wind instruments, was immune to my venom. I stared at it curiously for a long time, feeling that it was somehow important. I had no urge to play it, but still I plucked it from the wall and turned it over and over in my hands.

It was not wholly unscathed; the flute's pads were frayed and useless, but even humans had to have theirs replaced from time to time. But the metal, the instrument itself, was fine. A little polishing and it would be as good as new.

 _Huh_.

As I toyed absently with the keys, I considered the metal that had been used to make the flute. Almost pure silver, it had been crafted for me specifically. Carlisle had ordered it toward the end of my failed wind instrument experiment. Disgusted with the results of my venom on brass, tin, wood, fiberglass, plastic, and glass alike, I had resented his gift and had barely played it after learning the basics of fingering. However, I _had_ played the flute, even if only for Carlisle's benefit, and it should have shown the scars of my venom just as the others did. Yet it did not.

Standing motionless as I stared at the flute, I realized the room was not as silent as I had thought. There was a drum that was keeping an unsteady rhythm, but the soft thumping was not coming from any instrument which I owned. Almost, it seemed that I could feel the pulse of Bella's heart against my skin just as surely as I heard its beat with my ears. An unfamiliar sensation of warmth made me rub my arm, but I seemed as cold to my touch as ever. When the beat abruptly stopped, the silence it left behind made my ears ache.

Esme's and Rosalie's eyes locked on Bella; they had heard the change, too.

Bella blanched and inhaled sharply, but she let the breath out slowly when the muscle gave a loud throb and began beating again. I gasped and clutched at my own silent heart. Carlisle had predicted that it would be unable to bear the strain the pregnancy was placing on it. If it gave out, there wouldn't be any way to save her. I could bite her all I wanted, but with no way for the venom to spread throughout her body, it would not initiate her change.

It was too bad I couldn't bite her there, first.

So few vampires were able to intentionally create fledglings. The superficial wounds made with our teeth allowed the venom to enter the body, but it was the circulatory system which was the delivery method. Once drained of blood, as most victims of a vampire's bite were, any traces of venom that remained would seal the wound, but it would have no way to spread. For a person to change, they had to have blood to carry the venom to every cell, and a living, beating heart to pump it.

Abruptly, I turned and strode through the house, passing through the living room without looking at any of the women who were seated there. Upon entering Carlisle's study, I glanced first at Jasper, who was watching me with a wary frown.

"Sorry, Jazz," I mumbled, certain that he had felt my moments of weakness.

 _Don't be, my brother._ "Can I help you?" he offered. _...at least take some of his misery off... be a relief for me, too..._

Not wanting any false sense of peace, I shook my head and turned to address my father. As I met his dark eyes, I blurted, "Her heart."

"I heard it, too, Edward. But it started right up again."

"This time."

"Bella has often had an arrhythmia, even before the pregnancy. What just happened is nothing new."

"No. There _is_ a difference! Such a thing could be fatal now."

"Son, I am not sure what you want me to say. I have already given her medications to strengthen her heart, and the blood she has been drinking has helped tremendously."

"You told Bella that there were some things which venom couldn't cure."

"Yes..."

"Meaning if her heart dies, so does she."

 _You know that to be true, just as well as I._

"Do I?"

He cocked his head at me and frowned.

"Have you never heard of someone being bitten and... revived?"

His head shook back and forth slowly.

Ignoring his look of pity, I took a few steps closer to him, trying not to sound like I was grasping at straws. "Humans have made advances in medicine over the past century which were inconceivable for the vast majority of their existence. Is not the same thing possible for us?"

"Bro, it's not like we get sick. What do we need with medicine?"

"Fine sentiments for the son of a doctor."

"No, Emmett is right. A vampire might lose a limb, but it takes no surgeon to reattach it. I think most vampires are able to do so quite by instinct."

Jasper snorted. "It's kind of hard to ignore your hand when it's crawling back to you on its own."

Holding back the shudder the images in his mind provoked, I shook my head. "You're missing my point."

"Which is?"

"Vampires don't need medicine. Humans do. If Bella's heart fails, venom wouldn't save her. Not on its own. But in conjunction with modern technology?"

"I do not have a defibrillator, but even if I did, there is no reason to think that would solve the problem."

"There are other methods for restarting a heart."

In his mind flashed an image of a busy hospital's emergency department. Some patients were coughing in one room, others were filling out paperwork in another, and one had a human who was holding a plastic bag and looked like they were trying not to vomit. It was a flash that could have come from any day in the life of an ER doctor, but Carlisle's focus had not been on those humans that day. He had been concentrating on a young man not unlike myself who was lying motionless in an exam room with open, staring eyes.

A nurse held a bag over the young man's mouth and nose, squeezing it every few seconds to force air into his lungs. At the same time, Carlisle had pushed rhythmically over the man's heart.

"Yes," I said fervently.

My father breathed heavily through his nose. "Chest compressions work sometimes, and not others. It all depends on why the heart has stopped, as well as what else might be wrong with the patient."

"I don't mean to be insensitive..." When we all stared at him skeptically, he snickered and admitted, "Okay, most of the time I do, but _this_ time..."

"Will you get on with it, Em?"

"I don't think her heart stopping is gonna be her biggest problem. Restarting a heart depends on what else might be wrong with a patient, yeah? What little me an' Jazz have found ain't pretty, bro. When it's born, she's gonna have a whole lot more wrong with her than just her heart stopping."

Though I had not joined them to read through Carlisle's library for myself, I had kept track of their minds as they went through book after book. In spite of their extensive searching, they had found only a few references to vampire mythology in Carlisle's vast collection which they deemed even remotely plausible.

When rereading _Wuthering Heights_ after falling in love with Bella, I'd discovered that, even though I'd read a book previously and could recall it perfectly, rereading it from a different perspective could give new meaning to the written words. Carlisle's first times through the books, he had not given any credence to the various vampire myths, most of which were as ridiculous as the ones humans of today perpetuated.

Their thoughts had shown me how rarely humans were faithful to one another, and in days past, when humans were more superstitious than those of today, blaming a scandalous pregnancy on a demon lover had not been unheard of. But the likelihood that any of those stories were true was negligible. Or so we had believed.

Oh, certainly we had all known that some vampires enjoyed dallying with humans. The Denali sisters may have been the source behind the legends of the succubus, but they were not the only ones. If one were to base the frequency of such pairings on the stories that had been told, then the world should have been teeming with the kind of child I had planted.

"Yes," I said in a choked voice, "I'm sure the fetus tearing itself from her stomach is not going to be _pretty._ But you should have seen what that bear did to you. Venom could repair her torn skin, the damage to her organs, even her bones. _If_ she is still alive for the venom to work. If her heart isn't beating, the venom won't spread and will do her no good."

I felt my mouth twisting at those words. But, damn it, she _wanted_ to be a vampire! And eternity with her would be so very good. I took a shaky breath and swallowed hard. Now that it looked to be beyond my reach, I wanted the promised future with Bella more than I ever had before.

 _No._ It couldn't be beyond my reach; Bella _had_ to live!

Carlisle's voice was gentle as he said, "Which is why I told Bella that there are some things which even venom cannot cure. If Emmett's heart had stopped before Rosalie reached us, there would have been nothing that I could have done for him."

"So we keep it beating," I insisted. "If necessary, we do CPR for the full three days of her transformation. So long as her blood is circulating the venom, it should repair the damage, right?"

Studying me with sad eyes, Carlisle sighed and leaned back in his chair. _...afraid Bella would only end up as a perfectly preserved corpse..._

"Dude, what did that flute ever do to you?"

"Excuse me? Oh. _Damn_ it."

Emmett was eyeing my hand, and I didn't need to look down to see that I still held the flute from earlier, only now it was bent and mangled. I'd forgotten I still held the thing.

"My venom may not have killed it, but it's dead now. Perfect. If that isn't par for my course, then I don't know what is." I tossed the flute onto Carlisle's desk where, unable to lay flat, it rocked back and forth.

Carlisle looked at me sharply. "What did you just say?"

"Well, before I squashed it, it had been fine."

"No, about your venom."

"It... You've seen how most materials react to our venom."

He nodded.

"The silver didn't," I said simply.

His eyes lit with interest. "Fascinating. When I bought it for you, I did hope, but then you only played it a few times, so I rather thought - "

Hearing her heart stumble to a halt and then resume its pace again, I repeated, "Her heart, Carlisle. We have to save her heart."

His enthusiasm faded, and he shook his head. "Son, you have said that already. There is nothing more that I can do."

"No, no. I mean..." Suddenly, the idea that had been forming solidified. "Emmett, Jasper, have you ever paid attention to your bite wounds after killing a human?"

They exchanged a glance, but Emmett shrugged and shook his head, and Jasper said, "I usually tried not to pay my victims any attention at all. Their emotions were difficult enough to deal with without having to study their corpses as well. There were so many of us feeding, that we were more concerned with covering up their numbers, and not the wounds we had inflicted."

"You never hunted in a city?"

"Peter, Charlotte, and I did, after I left Maria's army."

"Regularly?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "We moved around a lot."

"And when you were part of Maria's army?"

"It was usually isolated families from small villages, groups of people trying to cross the borders, things of that nature where we could hunt as a group and leave no witnesses. There were a number of times when we fabricated road blockages to stop cars full of people."

Our casual discussion of mass murder hardly met with Carlisle's approval, but he had no illusions about what his children were, nor what we had done in the past. His lips thinned, but he remained silent.

"I stuck to the cities," I said quietly. "More humans crowded together meant more criminals, and lessened the chance that so many human deaths would attract attention. Humans tend to notice patterns, though, so I had to be creative with the ways I would disguise the cause of their deaths. Rooftops, rivers, turning their weapons upon themselves, fires... there were so many various ways in which I could dispose of their bodies, but my aim was always to hide their lack of blood."

Jasper nodded solemnly. "Your caution was warranted. A reckless nomad is a dead nomad."

"One thing I noticed was that, even after the human was dead, the venom I would leave behind would cause the wound to heal. Of course, the police would have noticed a bunch of bloodless corpses if I left them laying around, so I still had to fabricate the reasons for their deaths, but at least my bites were not apparent."

"I assume you have a point to this?" Carlisle said sharply.

"The stress of the pregnancy is damaging Bella's heart. Couldn't my venom heal that damage if it was able to get there fast enough? Even if we do CPR, it might be too late by the time the venom spreads from a bite wound. What if there were a way to get it into the muscle straightaway?"

"Um, Edward, even if you bite her tit, I don't think - "

"Emmett!"

"Look, I just mean, what's the difference? Her neck, her wrist, or her..." He stopped and pretended to clear his throat. Considering the way I was glaring at him, he thought it healthier not to continue his sentence. "It's still gonna take time to circulate, no matter where you bite her."

"Exactly my point."

Carlisle rubbed his hand across his forehead, and he looked as weary as a human doctor after a long day spent on a fruitless surgery. "Edward, I am afraid you are not making much sense."

Striding over to lean my hands on the desk, I said, "Can you think of no way we can deliver the venom directly to her heart? Have it heal the damage before the muscle can die?"

From my brothers' minds came an image from a movie they had watched where the humans had injected epinephrine directly into some girl's heart after a drug overdose. The scene had been rather disturbing, if a tad ridiculous, especially when the girl had sat up and stared down at the large syringe sticking out from her chest.

Nudging the flute and setting it to rocking once again, I said, "This is ruined now, but metal doesn't care what shape it holds. Couldn't we..."

He was shaking his head, but there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"What? You wanna make some kind of wacky, slightly-squished, flute-shaped needle? Dude, bro, you've seriously lost it."

I ignored my brother, and Carlisle didn't take his eyes off mine. He seemed to deliberately picture exactly what Emmett was describing.

"Isn't it possible? Even remotely? You have needles that would reach, don't you? It can't be that hard to fashion something that would work."

"There is no need to make anything. You forget how long I have been practicing medicine. I have acquired many instruments, most of which are obsolete and nothing more than keepsakes now. However - "

"You already have one?" I was shocked at the way hope suddenly flared through my body.

"The earliest syringes were works of art, heavily decorated, and valued as much for their beauty and the materials used to craft them as for the more practical medical uses for which they were made."

He rose from his chair as he spoke, and I was on his heels as he headed for the attic and the trunks which he had carried around for centuries. After rummaging through two of them, muttering under his breath at Esme for all the times she had rearranged everything, he finally pulled what looked like a jewelry case from under a stack of outdated clothes and opened it to show me what was inside.

Nestled in the velvet were jewels from another age. I stared in fascination at the small collection of syringes. Gingerly, I picked one up after looking to him for permission. The whole thing was decorated with twisting vines, including a delicate detailing of the veins in the leaves and tiny, bright red rubies embedded within the flower petals. The artisan who had made the syringe had been quite skilled; I doubted his equal existed today.

"Where did you get this?"

"Aro."

I glanced at him in surprise.

"He always did enjoy his little jokes. When I told him of my aspirations to become a doctor, he had that one made for me." _...and then killed the man for his troubles..._

"Huh."

"Although that one _is_ well crafted, I always preferred this one."

Plucking a second one from the case, he offered another of his syringes to me. This one was undecorated, and it was not surprising to me that the practical doctor would favor it over the more extravagant one I held. I gave the first one back to him and examined the second.

"Perhaps because no one died that I might obtain it, or perhaps simply because it fit in my hands so well, but I used it for decades. In fact, I used it until quite recently, when humans discovered the dangers of reusing such equipment."

"Almost pure silver," I said when I deciphered the stamp near the base.

"If the flute withstood your venom, this surely will."

I found it almost impossible to give voice to the question that was on the tip of my tongue. "Then, do you believe it's possible? If her heart should fail, and you use this to inject venom right into the muscle...?"

He took a deep breath which he held as he met my eyes _. I do not know, my son. I have never heard of the creation of a vampire by any means other than a bite, but this is not really all that different._ "The difference lies in the fact that our hearts were beating when the change began."

"But it's possible," I pressed him.

"Possible? Yes. I think so. I would not have brought you here, otherwise. Doctors often resuscitate their patients with little to no ill effects so long as action is taken rapidly enough."

He imagined himself performing a cesarean delivery on Bella, his steady hands helping the creature within her extract itself from her stomach while I... while _I_ shoved the giant syringe-full of venom into her chest.

I thrust it back at him. "I - I can't. You're the doctor. _You_ do it."

"Would you rather help the child deliver itself?"

My eyes were wide and full of revulsion as I shook my head vigorously.

"I cannot be in two places at once. You have been my nurse before, and this is Bella's life we are trying to save. She wants _you_ to change her, not me."

"Fine," I muttered and made to place the syringe back in its case. And why not? It wasn't Carlisle's fate to steal Bella's soul. That honor was and had always been mine alone.

He closed the case before I could return the silver syringe to its home. "I think you should go ahead and fill it."

"Now?" My lips curled in disgust. Although the idea had been mine, as I contemplated filling the silver syringe with my venom, I found my mouth suddenly and completely dry.

"When better?"

When I made no move to do so, he pictured me fitting the plunger into place and sealing the other end with the small piece which screwed into where the needle would go when the user was ready to inject the medication it held. Or venom, as in my case.

"Based on the fetus's growth rate, I estimate it will be born within the next few days, but no more than another week, surely. If Bella's measurements accurately reflect gestation, I would place the date of delivery at four days hence, but some babies come early or late. Certainly no human child would be viable after only a month, so we really have no way of knowing exactly when the fetus will be born. It is better to be prepared so that _we_ are ready when _it_ is."

"I - I don't know... Maybe this isn't - "

"Edward." His voice was sharp. _Stop doubting yourself. This idea has more merit than any others we have come up with._

I swallowed past the dryness in my throat. This was not the normal dryness of a thirsty vampire, for that was usually accompanied by more venom being produced. I was thoroughly disgusted with the thought of spitting mouthfuls of venom into the syringe I held. However did humans manage to obtain samples of their various bodily fluids without shame or embarrassment?

As though he could read my mind, Carlisle laughed gently and clapped a hand to my shoulder. "I will give you some privacy."

"I'm not sure that'll help."

His eyes danced, and a smile tugged at his lips. "Would you prefer I stay? I could lend you some moral support by thinking of mountain lions and grizzly bears if you would like. Or perhaps I should get a National Geographic from my library to inspire your venom production? Would you like the issue with Siberian tigers, or lions of the African Savannah?"

I could feel the look of disgust that was still locked on my face, but didn't seem to be able to rid myself of it. "No. You're right. Just go. I'll figure it out."

He chuckled and said, "Do not overthink it. Just remember, you are acting to save Bella's life. There is no shame in that." _And there never has been, no matter the end results._

I grunted, but didn't meet his eyes and, after a moment, he left. Alone again, I seated myself on one of the trunks with a groan. How did I manage to get myself into these situations?

When he passed through the living room, he paused and stared hard at the girl I loved. Certain that he was doing so specifically so that I would see her, I sighed her name and did what needed to be done.

* * *

 **A/N**

Did you know there is actually a Silver Syringe Award given to healthcare providers? Well, there is! I nominate Carlisle! hehehe. There's a cool website where you can look at some of those early syringes. I've failed to link it in my profile, but it's easy enough to google images of silver syringes.


	38. Similarities

**38\. Similarities**

With the syringe full of my venom stashed in a drawer in the exam room, I headed back downstairs. When I reached the living room, I leaned against a wall and tried to still the trembling in my hands. Deliberately calling up memories of some of my best hunts might have allowed me to overcome the revulsion which had been inhibiting my venom production, but not being able to sprint into the forest where I could sink my teeth into the first creature with fur that I found - barring the werewolves - left me without the release which hunting naturally provided. Keyed up and on edge, my efforts had heightened the thirst I had already been denying.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked.

I laughed bitterly.

Rosalie was seated beside Bella with an arm around her shoulders. Bella's hairline was damp with perspiration, and the blankets had been piled behind the couch. I guessed she'd gotten too hot again.

Eyeing me suspiciously, Rosalie asked, "What was all that about?"

"Don't worry about it."

 _You and Carlisle are up to something. Don't try to deny it._

"We were only discussing ways to try and save Bella's life. It's nothing you need to concern yourself with."

 _Whatever plots you're concocting are my concern when they involve Bella and her baby!_

"Give it a rest, Rose," I groaned.

Though she seemed hesitant to press me for the same information which I had been refusing to tell my sister, Bella's ever-present curiosity won, and she asked, "So... what did you and Carlisle come up with?"

I had no desire to discuss the syringe with any of them. Either they would be all for the idea, in which case I didn't want _more_ of their incomprehensible certainty to complicate matters, or they would be revolted. I didn't want them to find flaws in my plan or to reject the idea based on its repulsiveness. If it worked, then I could explain it later, and if it didn't, then it really wouldn't matter.

"Please don't let it worry you, love. Just concentrate on keeping your heart beating, alright?"

The crease formed between her eyebrows and the look of confusion that was so familiar to me returned to her eyes.

"That's all it was, sweetheart, truly. We're only worried about your heart. No matter what else happens, you keep it beating for me." I fixed her with a firm stare. "Do you hear me? Just... _stay alive."_

"Yes, Edward. I can do that. I will."

She nodded with a gentle smile, as though trying to instill some of that certainty into me. Hearing her speak the word I had so longed to hear in the months before our engagement caused my chest to ache. I closed my eyes, held my breath, and tried to rein in the overwhelming need to go _hunt._

Ah, God, Bella smelled good!

My throat was a parched desert, begging for the quenching which only one liquid on Earth would ever fully provide. Even though I had no urge to drink _her,_ the room was full of her flowery sweetness, the smell of the blood in her plastic cup, and the enticing sound of her beating heart. Add to that the knowledge that there were more bags of the rich, red liquid sitting unopened in the refrigerator upstairs - _waiting_ to be _drunk!_ \- and more to come if Jacob determined Carlisle could safely leave, and I was hard pressed to resist snatching the cup from her hands, like the bloodsucking savage Jacob believed me to be.

"Rose?"

"Again? Already?" Rosalie laughed.

"I'm sorry," Bella said in a small voice.

"Don't be. I'm only surprised, though I suppose I shouldn't be with all you've been drinking." Carefully, almost as tender with the girl I loved as I would have been, Rosalie lifted Bella into her arms and headed for the bathroom. My eyes drifted shut after they left the room.

When we had built our first houses, we had not bothered to include toilets. What need did vampires really have for them, after all? It hadn't been until we'd decided a return to Rochester was unlikely for many decades, and that it was better to sell the house we'd built rather than keep it for use later, that we'd regretted that lack. Trying to correct the oversight had kept us in the city where we'd found Rosalie for a few months longer than it should have, had the house been built with human needs in mind. Since then, we'd made sure our human facade was missing nothing, even to the point that we'd installed them in the house on Isle Esme.

Almost, I could see the hand of Fate on my life. Without Rosalie in our family, I wondered if we would ever have included toilets in our houses' floor plans. How horrifying it would have been to try to come up with something hasty to accommodate the introduction of a human into our lives when first Bella and I had fallen in love if our house had not already been prepared for human habitation. Shaking my head ruefully at such fanciful thoughts, I thought it more likely that if Fate truly had a hand in any of this, it was with the intention of our family's total and complete destruction. That was where this was headed, after all.

It was Bella's fate to die, and it was mine to kill. My fate _should_ have been death, and not this lingering half-life, but Carlisle had stepped in and snatched me away from the destiny which Fate had mapped out for me. It seemed she was ready to correct that intervention. We should _all_ have died long ago.

Wasn't that a fable by the Brothers Grimm? Seven in one blow? Only instead of a brave little tailor swatting pesky flies, it would be a fragile human girl unintentionally bringing about the deaths of seven vampires. Well, perhaps the fetus's birth would not bring about the death of the entire family. If Rosalie got the child she had always wanted, no doubt she and Emmett would live through the fallout of Bella's death - assuming I didn't kill her myself for the part she had played.

 _Edward..._

I opened my eyes to the sound of my mother calling my name.

 _Are... are you alright?_

My head shook back and forth slowly.

 _No. I know you're not... What I meant was..._ An image flashed through her mind of me stalking through the living room with a flute in my hand. _I_ _had thought you were going to play?_

Not wanting to admit to what had become of the flute, but feeling the need to explain somewhat, I strode slowly over to sink onto the couch where Bella had been seated. "Sorry, Mom. I tried, but I just... couldn't."

My head dropped into my hands as I tried to hide my shame.

Esme was beside me in an instant, her cool arm encircling my shoulders. _I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have asked you to play._

I shook my head, but didn't raise it from my hands. "It's fine, Esme. You were only trying to help."

 _...walk in like I own the place... prob'ly piss off Blondie..._

Perfect. Just _perfect._ Jacob returning was exactly what I needed right now.

When I caught the alarm in his mind as his eyes flickered all over the living room after taking in my position, I sighed and said, "She's alright. Or, the same, I should say."

 _She is,_ Esme agreed firmly. _And she's going to_ be _alright!_

I nodded in acknowledgement, but not agreement.

She hummed under her breath in disapproval of my pessimism, but turned to greet the wolf as though he were an old friend. "Hello, Jacob. I'm so glad you came back."

"Me, too." With his return, the blur which Alice kept trying to see past was now an absence of any visions, and she joined us with a relieved smile. She may dislike being blind, but at least the blank future didn't cause her head to ache like the blurry one did.

"Uh, hey. Where's Bella?"

"Bathroom. Mostly fluid diet, you know. Plus, the whole pregnancy thing does that to you, I hear," Alice explained.

"Ah."

He seemed at a loss without Rosalie to taunt or Bella to tease, but he wouldn't have long to wait. Rose was already on her way back with Bella in her arms.

"Oh, wonderful," she said with a sneer. "I thought I smelled something nasty."

Jacob's head snapped toward my sister's voice. Bella's expression changed from the unhappy worry she'd been wearing all afternoon to one of delight.

It was supposed to be _me_ she looked at like that! _I_ was her husband, her lover, and - however unwilling - the father of her child. _I_ should be the one to make her light up, to make her smile with pleasure just by walking in the door, not the young man she'd rejected over and over again.

 _...so unfair._

I couldn't have agreed with Jacob more.

"Jacob," Bella said. "You came."

"Hi, Bells."

Esme and I stood so that Rose could return Bella to her place. Her face as pale as my sister's, Bella held her breath while Rosalie repositioned her on the couch. She had removed the traces of sweat from her face, and her skin was covered with raised bumps where she'd been pressed against Rose's cold skin. Her temperature fluctuations were happening so rapidly; she must have gone from being too hot to too cold again already.

My skin felt strangely warm once more, as though I were sucking her vital warmth away without even touching her. I brushed my hand across her forehead and down the pulse in her neck, and it seemed to me as though our temperatures were far too close.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm fine," she denied with a small shake of her head.

I sighed, frustrated with her refusal to admit that anything was wrong.

"Bella, you know what Carlisle told you," Rosalie said. "Don't downplay _anything._ It doesn't help us take care of either of you."

I may have been angry with my sister, but at least she was doing her part to see to it that Bella allowed us to care for her, which was something the stubbornly independent girl had rarely done before the pregnancy.

Bella nodded sheepishly and admitted, "Okay, I am a little cold. Edward, can you hand me that blanket?"

As I started to reach for it, Jacob said, "Isn't that sort of the point of me being here?"

"You just walked in. After running all day, I'd bet. Put your feet up for a minute. I'll probably warm up again in no time."

At any other time, I would have laughed. That was so like her, thinking of the comfort of others when she was the one in the greatest need. Jacob knew the girl we both loved even better than I did and ignored her protest. He'd seen her reactions when Rose had placed her on the couch and seemed to be unsure how to warm her without moving her. Deciding she was too fragile to risk even sitting beside, he sat on the floor and rested his arm against hers.

"Thanks, Jake."

"Yeah."

Trying to ignore the fact that he had laced his fingers though hers, I concentrated on watching her expression. She shivered, and he put a hand on her cheek. I was forcefully reminded of another time when the mutt had kept Bella alive just with the heat from his body. I'd been the one to put her in danger then, too. At least this time they weren't cuddled together in a sleeping bag, but it didn't escape my notice that her lips were curved into a true smile for the first time that day.

It also didn't escape my notice that her heartbeat seemed to have gotten stronger. It certainly _sounded_ louder, though no one else reacted to the change. I thought they must have heard it, though I couldn't be sure, but I definitely didn't seem to be hearing it through my ears alone. Whether they heard it or not, I doubted anyone else could feel the ghost of her pulse against their skin as I could. I glanced around, but no one seemed to think anything was amiss.

Then again, they weren't reacting to Jacob's temperature either. From where I sat on the couch, I could feel the heat pouring off his skin, so they must have been able to feel him, too. Finally deciding I was only overly-aware of the girl I loved, I ignored the strange warm pulsing I shouldn't have been able to feel and after a while it faded away.

From where she sat behind the couch, almost exactly opposite of where Jacob was seated, Alice said, "Rosalie, why don't you get Jacob something from the kitchen?"

My lips twitched with amusement at Rose's expression. Alice could have asked Esme, who would have been more than happy to bring him some of the food she had made earlier, but instead she'd chosen Rose. My pixie sister had never been spiteful, but I had to wonder if she hadn't asked Rose simply because _she_ was the one responsible for the fact that Bella was still pregnant. If not for Rosalie, Bella would already be a vampire. If not for Rose, Alice wouldn't be seeking out the company of a werewolf to block her visions.

And if not for Rose, our family would be in Alaska hunting polar bears that very minute, not under siege, unable to go hunting while forced to endure the constant scent of human blood. I could taste it in the very air, could smell the enticing aroma from the cup Bella held, and could feel an echo of fire from the throats of all six vampires, not to mention my own.

Swallowing hard, I held myself motionless. My thirst was unimportant. It wouldn't be too many more days until the creature was born. Whatever happened afterwards - whether that was my death or not - I wouldn't be thirsty for much longer.

"Thanks, anyway, Alice, but I don't think I'd want to eat something Blondie's spit in. I'd bet my system wouldn't take too kindly to venom."

"Rosalie would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality," Alice assured him.

"Of _course_ not," Rose said in that sickeningly sweet voice she used whenever she wanted to needle me without getting caught.

He turned to me after she left the room and said, "You'd tell me if she poisoned it, right?"

I didn't blame Jacob for mistrusting that tone. If I hadn't been able to read her mind, I might have feared the same thing, just from knowing how much she disliked the wolves, but there was no reason for him to worry, so I said, "Yes."

He nodded to himself.

 _...have me waiting hand and foot on the_ mutt. _.._ _may just find her Porsche without tires... or doors... or an engine..._ I choked at the image of Alice's Porsche completely dismantled and spread out for display in the garage. She nearly ripped the door off the fridge - and likely would have but for the fact that Bella needed to eat the food stored within it. Slamming the cabinet doors as she got a plate for his food, she piled it high with the steak and potato Esme had fixed earlier and shoved it into the microwave to reheat.

Instead of taking her fury out on Alice, she grabbed a large metal bowl and applied just enough force to invert the bottom of the bowl, reshaping it so that it resembled a dog's dish. Jacob's eyebrows raised up to his shaggy hair at the sounds of banging doors and screeching metal coming from the kitchen. Although I tried, I couldn't hold back a small smile as she used her fingernail to write _Fido_ on one side. For some reason, it reminded me of the way she'd broken Bella's truck, something which she had done for my benefit, though I never would have asked it of her.

She returned to the living room with the metal bowl in hand, having dumped the steak and potato into the new dish. "Enjoy mongrel," she said as she placed it on the floor beside Jacob.

He blinked at it in surprise. _...quick craftsmanship... nice attention to detail... and excellent handwriting too..._

"Thanks, Blondie."

There was a smirk on her lips as she snorted. _...why I even bothered bringing him utensils... probably prefers to eat with his fingers, or right off the ground..._

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever."

Her smirk disappeared immediately. "I've heard that one, too."

"I'll keep trying."

Rose threw herself into a chair and turned the television on. As she flipped through the channels, her angry thoughts were directed at Jacob, that he would dare to compare _her_ to a dog when _he_ was the obvious mutt in the house. I considered warning him not to antagonize my sister, but decided against it. Jacob was well able to take care of himself, and since I couldn't take out my anger on Rosalie for her part in Bella's continued pregnancy, I was more than happy to allow Jacob to do so for me - and to face the repercussions. It was nice to have her taunts directed at someone else for a change.

After Jacob had finished his meal, he spent a long moment imagining the look on Rose's face if he were to lick the bowl clean. The smile that my lips started to form was erased when Bella began running her fingers through his hair. I froze in place as I recalled the way it had felt to me when she'd done the same thing. Her fingers, so warm and gentle, gliding across my scalp and teasing the tangles out of my perpetually messy hair had felt incredible. Even the roots had been warmed by her touch, however brief, and I could have counted every strand she had ever touched, just by the memory of how it had felt.

He seemed oblivious and unaffected by her attention as he contemplated the empty bowl he held. "Time for a haircut, huh?"

"You're getting a little shaggy. Maybe - "

"Let me guess, someone around here used to cut hair in a salon in Paris?"

"Probably," Bella agreed with a quiet laugh.

"No thanks. I'm good for a few weeks." _...wonder how long_ she's _good for... polite way to ask..._ "So... um... what's the, er, date? You know, the due date for the little monster?"

If that was his definition of polite, I would have shuddered to hear what he considered rude. Thankfully, Bella took offence at his question too, and smacked the back of his head. Unlike the time when she'd punched his face, she hadn't - or perhaps _couldn't_ \- put any force behind the blow, and wasn't hurt.

"I'm serious. I want to know how long I'm gonna have to be here." _...how long_ you're _gonna be here..._

My breath caught, and I turned my face away, trying to control myself. The rest of my family were more or less convinced by this time that Bella would survive the pregnancy, if not the birth as well. Again and again they had argued that Bella was going to be fine, that my concerns were groundless, that the blood she was drinking would keep her alive, and that my venom was going to save her. With my venom-filled syringe now waiting upstairs, even Carlisle's thoughts held a ring of hope they hadn't before. I didn't agree with them, but hearing Jacob callously ask how much longer before she died was somehow far worse than hearing them insist to me that she would live.

Jacob turned to look at her, allowing me to both see her face and hide mine at the same time.

"I don't know. Not exactly. Obviously, we're not going with the nine-month model here, and we can't get an ultrasound, so Carlisle is guesstimating from how big I am. Normal people are supposed to be about forty centimeters here when the baby is fully grown." She traced a thin finger down the middle of her swollen stomach. "One centimeter for every week. I was thirty this morning, and I've been gaining about two centimeters a day, sometimes more..." She trailed off thoughtfully.

A strangled noise escaped Jacob as he gaped at her. _...two weeks to a day... days flying by... gives her, what,_ **four?!** _Four days left to live?_

"You okay?"

Jacob nodded, but it took no mind reading to know he was merely placating her. He was no more okay than I was.

The memory of Seth's voice flowed through his mind as he thought of those four days and how I'd told Seth that we wouldn't be leaving, at least, not until after the birth. Jacob remembered his conversation with the young wolf in brief snatches, how Seth had explained that our family wouldn't be leaving and why.

 _...glad he asked... be intolerable to have to wonder if they were about to go... take any of those four days away... my four days... almost over, her hold is only harder to break... like it's connected to her expanding belly... gravitational force... 'cause she's dying? ...even if she doesn't, she won't be Bella... won't be anything I would know or understand..._

"It's going to be okay," Bella crooned as she wiped the tears from his face that I had been unable to shed.

 _...words mean nothing..._ "Right."

Bella curled closed to him, pressing more of herself against his warmth. "I didn't think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I didn't believe them."

"Why not?"

"You're not happy here. But you came anyway."

"You wanted me here."

"I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood."

Of _course_ she would have. Self-sacrificing to a fault, she wouldn't have blamed him for staying away. We were such a strange trio. I'd rejected her, even after we were married. I loved her more than my own life, and because of that, I rejected her and pushed her away, but somehow, she always came back to me.

She had rejected him, and he always came back to her. Yet as much as she seemed to need him now, I had no doubt that if he were to ask her to leave me, she would refuse.

There was no logical reason for Bella to have rejected Jacob. There was nothing for her to protect him from, nothing that she could do to hurt him _except_ for rejecting him - which she had done, time after time. There wasn't a cruel bone in Bella's body; why would she keep indulging in this push-pull? In wanting to keep him around, she was hurting everyone involved, and that just wasn't like my Bella at all.

Staring blankly at the television, not really seeing the channels as Rosalie searched for something to distract us from the tedium of waiting, I tried in vain to understand the girl who had surprised me at every turn. It was Jacob who had always seemed to understand her. Yet even he seemed to be at a loss to explain her actions as far as his presence in her life was concerned.

Bella spoke quietly, her voice slightly slurred from lack of sleep. "Thank you for coming."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why _do_ you want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he's probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when _I_ walk in the door, you smile like I'm your favorite person in the world."

"You're one of them."

"That sucks, you know."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Why, though? You didn't answer that."

For once grateful for the wolf's persistence, I pretended to study the woods through the wide windows while I waited for her to explain her actions. So many times I had wondered why she chose me when she so obviously loved him. From the moment I'd entered her life, she had seemed to prefer to risk it to be with me rather than to go with the safe choice, the _sane_ choice.

How I wished I could read her mind! Would she even answer his question? Would she tell him the truth, or would she edit? And if she did, would it be for his benefit, or mine? She had a habit of not saying things she thought I didn't want to hear. She was a terrible liar, so I would have been able to tell if she wasn't truthful, but that didn't mean I would be able to discern the truth.

He was watching her face intently, though he glanced at me several times to judge my reaction. Mimicking the calm mask Bella had learned to pull over her features to hide what she was feeling from me, I made sure not to let the turmoil I was feeling show. He wasn't fooled by my apparent disinterest.

"It feels... _complete_ when you're here, Jacob. Like all my family is together. I mean, I guess that's what it's like - I've never had a big family before now. It's nice. But it's just not whole unless you're here."

"I'll never be part of your family, Bella," he said in a low, husky voice. _...but I coulda been... I would've been good there... just a distant future that died long before it had a chance to live..._

"You've always been a part of my family," she insisted.

"That's a crap answer," he said through his teeth.

"What's a good one?"

"How about, 'Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain'."

It was all I could do not to snarl at the mutt. How did he _dare_ _?_ Bella, the sweetest, gentlest creature I'd ever met, would far rather harm herself than cause another person pain. I thought he knew her! Surely he had to know how much that statement would hurt her!

"You'd like that better?" she whispered.

"It's easier, at least. I could wrap my head around it. I could deal with it."

My fury faded slightly. I supposed if she had been a cruel or callous person, that might indeed have made more sense to him. Rosalie probably would have loved it if another man had sought her affections while she had been engaged to Royce King. _She_ would have enjoyed rejecting him.

Though Bella had never made a secret of the fact that she desired his presence in her life, neither had she hinted that she desired anything more. It had _always_ been me she had chosen. _I_ was the one she had said yes to, time and again. But there could be no denying that if I had never met Bella, her destiny would have lain with him. Her destiny _should_ have been with him.

Jacob had been watching my expression for a reaction, but when he looked back at her at last, the sadness she felt was easy to read. Her eyes were closed and the crease between her brows was deep. Her mouth twisted down and to the side, and when she spoke, there was an ache in her voice for the future that should have been.

"We got off track, Jake. Out of balance. You're supposed to be part of my life - I can feel that, and so can you." She paused, no doubt hearing his silent agreement as clearly as if she were the mind reader, not me. "But not like this. We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track..."

Though I kept my face expressionless, my hands clenched into fists. Why did she always feel the need to take the blame for my actions? She had done nothing wrong! _I_ was the one who had snatched her away from the path her life had been meant to follow. Hearing her acknowledge that being with Jacob was where she was supposed to be tore at me. She _knew_ being with me was wrong! I wondered how long she had known it, or if she had only just admitted it to herself.

She didn't speak again, and after only a few seconds of silence, began to snore.

Keeping my voice low so as not to wake her, I explained, "She's exhausted. It's been a long day. A hard day. I think she would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you."

"Seth said it broke another of her ribs."

"Yes," I agreed tensely. "It's making it hard for her to breathe."

"Great."

Given the way my skin was reacting to her rapid temperature changes and the strange warmth I shouldn't have been able to feel, I wasn't certain that I would know when she would need to be cooled off from Jacob's excessive heat. Not wanting to have to wait for her to start sweating again, I said, "Let me know when she gets hot again."

"Yeah."

His eyes moved away from her face and came to rest on her arm, where her skin was covered in tiny bumps. As he raised his head to look for one, I grabbed a blanket to cover her. I may not have been able to warm her with my body, but at least I could do _something._

 _...mind reading thing saves time... might not even have to make accusing him for this mess with Charlie into a big production... hear just exactly how_ _ **furious -**_

Bella's rib must not have been the only thing Seth had told Jacob about. "Yes. It's not a good idea."

"Then why?" _Why would Bella tell her father she was_ on the mend _when it would only make him more miserable?_

"She can't bear his anxiety," I said.

"So it's better - "

I interrupted his angry growl. "No. It's _not_ better. But I'm not going to force her into anything that makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I'll deal with the rest afterward."

Jacob eyed me with a frown and a shake of his head. _...not like her to put Charlie's pain off 'till later, even dying... must have some other plan..._

"She's very sure she's going to live."

"But not human."

"No," I agreed. "Not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again, anyway."

Jacob's eyes widened and his jaw dropped open. _...just getting better and **better.**_ "See. Charlie. Afterwards. See Charlie when she's all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I'm not a bloodsucker, so maybe I'm missing something, but _Charlie_ seems like kind of a strange choice for her first meal."

 _Can he be any more offensive if he tries?_

For the first time in days, I found myself agreeing with Rosalie. As if I would allow Bella to kill her own father.

"She knows she won't be able to be near him for at least a year. She thinks she can stall. Tell Charlie she has to go to a special hospital on the other side of the world. Keep in contact through phone calls..."

 _...way to be supportive, Edward... exactly what I meant about not trusting her..._

Annoyed with Rose, I trailed off, but I, too, could hear the skepticism in my voice. That was hardly going to help me convince him that her idea had merit.

"That's insane."

Supportive as I was trying to be, I was also realistic, and couldn't argue with his opinion. "Yes."

"Charlie's not stupid. Even if she doesn't kill him, he's going to notice a difference."

"She's sort of banking on that."

My words echoed in his head several times as he stared incredulously at me.

Determined to do Bella the courtesy of explaining her idea without seeming dismissive, I said, "She wouldn't be aging, of course, so that would set a time limit, even if Charlie accepted whatever excuse she comes up with for the changes. Do you remember when you tried to tell her about your transformation? How you made her guess?"

My knowledge of their interaction seemed to anger him, and he grumbled, "She told you about that?"

"Yes," I said with a slight smile. "She was explaining her... idea. You see, she's not allowed to tell Charlie the truth - it would be very dangerous for him. But he's a smart, practical man. She thinks he'll come up with his own explanation. She assumes he'll get it wrong. After all, we hardly adhere to vampire canon. He'll make some wrong assumption about us, like she did in the beginning, and we'll go along with it. She thinks she'll be able to see him... from time to time."

"Insane."

"Yes."

 _...weak to let her get her way on this, too, just to keep her happy for now... must not be expecting her to live long enough to try out her crazy plan... just placating her so she'll be happy for a little while longer... like four more days..._

He was still watching me, but I didn't think I could keep my face expressionless while casually discussing her death and angled myself so that he couldn't see. "I'll deal with whatever comes. I won't cause her pain now."

"Four days?" he pressed me.

"Approximately."

"Then what?"

 _Then what?_ What the Hell did he think was going to happen? The demon child would be born, and Bella would either begin her transformation... or not. Surely he knew that! Forcing myself to speak, I said, "What do you mean, exactly?"

He didn't speak, but I heard the memory of Bella's voice in his mind as she had told him of how the fetus was surrounded by a material that resembled vampire skin.

 _...so how does that work? How will it get out?_

Unable to make my voice louder than a whisper, I said, "From what little research we've been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb."

Jacob swallowed reflexively several times. "Research?"

"That's why you haven't seen Jasper and Emmett around. That's what Carlisle is doing now. Trying to decipher ancient stories and myths, as much as we can with what we have to work with here, looking for anything that might help us predict the creature's behavior."

 _...stories? If there are myths then..._

"Then is this thing not the first of its kind? Maybe. It's all very sketchy. The myths could easily be the products of fear and imagination. Though... Your myths are true, are they not? Perhaps these are, too. They do seem to be localized, linked..."

"How did you find..."

"There was a woman we encountered in South America. She'd been raised in the traditions of her people. She'd heard warnings about such creatures, old stories that had been passed down."

His eyes were wide as he watched me, and I was momentarily reminded of young boys sitting around a camp fire swapping scary stories. Only, in our case, we all knew the monsters were real. "What were the warnings?"

"That the creature must be killed immediately. Before it could gain too much strength."

 _...what Sam thought. Could he be right?_

"Of course, their legends say the same of us," I muttered darkly, remembering how she'd imagined myself in a pyre as she sped Bella away from the murderous creature who'd lured the innocent human girl into his clutches. "That we must be destroyed. That we are soulless murderers."

 _Two for two._

I laughed humorlessly.

"What did their stories say about the... mothers?"

My sour amusement fled the instant I heard the question in his mind, but as he said it aloud, I couldn't stop myself from reacting. The burning pain of Bella's death took me again and it was all I could do not to start screaming - at him, at my family, at _Bella_ \- for allowing it to happen.

"Of course there were no survivors." Rosalie snorted in disgust. "Giving birth in the middle of a disease-infested swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face to drive out the evil spirits was never the safest method. Even the normal births went badly half the time. None of them had what this baby has - caretakers with an idea of what the baby needs, who try to meet those needs. A doctor with a totally unique knowledge of vampire nature. A plan in place to deliver the baby as safely as possibly. Venom that will repair anything that goes wrong. The baby will be fine. And those other mothers would probably have survived if they'd had that - if they even existed in the first place. Something I am not convinced of."

How _dare_ she! It was bad enough that she was feeding Bella such nonsense, but was it really necessary to be so callous about what was likely to be Bella's bloody and painful death?

With a glance at my furious expression, Rose sniffed dismissively and turned her back to me. A low growl built in my chest as I watched the images in her mind of Carlisle administering morphine at the first sign of the creature's imminent birth, of him handing the bloody, screaming child over to my sister even as I sank my teeth into Bella's flawless skin, of her triumphant face as she strode from the delivery room with her prize, not bothering to care enough to stay and see if Bella would live.

 _...Mister Overreaction himself will probably end up just killing her instead of changing her, and then have the nerve to blame me for it! ...as if I haven't tried to prevent that fate from the start... have just let the van crush her and been saved all his melodrama..._

As the image of me with bright red eyes standing over Bella's bloodless corpse flashed through her mind, I decided I'd had as much of her attitude as I could stand. I didn't care what Emmett or Carlisle or even Esme would say about it. I had wrestled with my brothers countless times, and there was nothing I could do that would really hurt her, but if it got Rosalie to shut the Hell up with the mental taunts - which none of _them_ could hear to even care about - then it would be well worth their censure.

Aside from that, I wouldn't need to do more than tackle her to the ground. The sting of humiliation which that alone would cause her for being caught off guard by _me,_ of all people, would be immensely satisfying. My fingers curled into claws and my muscles coiled to spring as I strategized. One hand grasping an arm and the other snagged in her hair - just for the fact that _that_ would bother her the most - I could heave her off the chair and pin her to the floor so that I could lean close to whisper into her ear -

 _Allow me._

Surprised, I paused and glanced at Jacob. He could tell from my expression and position that I intended to launch myself at Rosalie, but he was smiling grimly and picturing her storming from the room in a fit of rage, while I stayed where I was. My curiosity piqued by whatever he was planning, I decided any action he chose would be just as sweet a revenge. Rose and I at least loved each other; she and Jacob had no such connection.

Relaxing my posture gave him tactic permission to act. Jacob took the bowl she had shaped into a dog dish and with a flick of his wrist nearly as powerful as a vampire could have accomplished, he flung the bowl directly at the back of my sister's head. The bowl rebounded and flew across the room where it broke the end off the stair rail. I was quite impressed by the force he must have used, but even that hadn't hurt Rose in the slightest. I was aware of her moment of outraged shock as bits and pieces of food which had clung to the metal bowl rained down on her, but that was all.

The noise from the metal bowl impacting Rosalie and then breaking the wooden post penetrated Bella's sleep enough that she twitched, but she didn't wake.

"Dumb blonde," Jacob muttered.

Slowly, showing herself the master of her emotions in a way I had never been, she turned to face him. She seemed to feel that rising to his attack would give him the upper hand, but maintaining her apparent haughty calm would give her the advantage. Allowing her fury to show in her eyes, but not in her voice, she said, "You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair."

Jacob leaned away from Bella to avoid jostling her and let loose with a laugh that brought tears to his eyes.

Though Bella had slept through the noise the bowl had made, Jacob's amusement woke her. "What's so funny?" she asked in a slurred voice.

"I got food in her hair," Jacob explained.

"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rose promised.

I held back a smirk of pleasure. I'd have to remember to thank Jacob for his intervention.

"S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory. Just blow in her ear."

"Get some new jokes," Rose snapped.

"C'mon, Jake. Leave Rose alo-" Bella's eyes widened, and she hissed through her teeth.

As Bella began to react to the motion of the fetus within her, I snatched the blanket out of the way. Her back arched and her stomach moved, but Bella locked her teeth against the pain she must have been feeling.

"He's just stretching," she said as her breaths hitched.

Looking for any signs that the sudden movement of the fetus meant it was trying to be born, I placed my hands carefully against her petal-soft, slightly sunken cheeks and stared into her eyes. There was a crease between them and a hint of fear within them as she locked her gaze with mine. I'd used my charms to dazzle her many times and wondered if it were possible to use them to distract her from the pain my spawn was causing. She panted and gripped the couch, but showed no indication that she believed the child to be coming _now._

Attempting to maintain at least an outward calm for her sake, I spoke my father's name in a low, steady voice.

"Right here," he said as he appeared beside me. _...be a difference in her reaction when it's simply moving and when it is ready to be born? ...hard to gauge a timeline without the other indicators... hate being forced to_ guess _based on her size!_

The tension left her shoulders and she smiled slightly, though she continued to breathe shallow and fast. "Okay. Think it's over. Poor kid doesn't have enough room, that's all. He's getting so big."

 _...really hard to take that adoring tone for the thing that's tearing her up... throw something at her, too!_

Although I wanted to snarl at Jacob for thinking of throwing something - even a pillow - at Bella, I couldn't help but agree with his disgust for her obvious affection for the creature that kept hurting her.

"You know, he reminds me of you, Jake," she panted.

"Do _not_ compare me to that thing."

Her smile faded. "I just meant your growth spurt."

 _...guess I hurt her feelings... good._

This time, I didn't bother to stop my low growl at his insensitivity. How could he be _glad_ that he had hurt her?

"You shot right up. I could watch you getting taller by the minute. He's like that, too. Growing so fast."

My mouth was unexpectedly filled with a sour, burning taste. It was all I could do not to spit in automatic reaction, but there was nothing _there_ for me to spit out. Jacob swallowed hard and as he worked his mouth, the taste disappeared. I guessed he had bitten himself and held back a shudder of disgust. Even through the filter of his senses, werewolf blood tasted horrid.

Bella breathed deeper and collapsed back into the cushions as the fetus settled down. I took a step back, expecting Carlisle to examine her stomach, but he turned his eyes onto Jacob instead.

"Hmm." _...we were once human, but we are no longer... always considered ourselves to be a different species, the venom having changed us at a fundamental level, but modern technology has not been up to the task of experimenting with exactly_ how... _must be more - much, much more - to vampire physiology than any of us had ever guessed at... impossible to test our venom without destroying the machinery... unlikely to ever make any laboratory equipment out of pure silver... always enjoyed a complicated medical mystery, but not one that will never be solved! Wonder if I will be able to test_ its _blood when it is born... will it even_ have _blood? ...be an opportunity to explore vampire genetics indirectly through the medium of the fetus..._

"What?" Jacob seemed defensive and uncomfortable under Carlisle's probing gaze.

"You know that I was wondering about the fetus's genetic makeup, Jacob. About his chromosomes."

"What of it?"

"Well, taking your similarities into consideration - "

"Similari _ties?"_ Jacob interrupted.

"The accelerated growth, and the fact that Alice cannot see either of you," Carlisle explained calmly.

 _Oh yeah... Forgot about that one..._ The hostility left Jacob's face at that reminder.

When the wolf didn't challenge him, Carlisle continued, "Well, I wonder if that means that we have an answer. If the similarities are gene-deep."

"Twenty-four pairs," I said with an uneasy frown.

Jacob snorted. "You don't know that."

Ever the scientist, Carlisle agreed, "No. But it's fascinating to speculate."

"Yeah. Just _fascinating."_

He hadn't liked being compared to my spawn at all, and much less the possibility that they were alike in multiple ways. I wondered what the mutt would say if I were to tell him that he had more in common with us than just his physiology. Emmett shared Jacob's disdain for Carlisle's insatiable curiosity. His mental complaint of _...boooooring!_ matched right up with Jacob's inappropriate sarcasm. Bella added her unconscious agreement with a light snore that almost made me smile. No doubt if she were awake, she would find Carlisle's thoughts on her child to be riveting.

Jacob, however, had already dismissed the topic from his mind and returned to thinking of Rosalie's earlier points on the birth of the creature. His mind conjured a sight I would rather not have been privy to: Carlisle with his mouth opened wide - sporting a huge set of ridiculous, gleaming fangs, no less - leaning down toward Bella's swollen stomach. It seemed he had realized why the demons were said to use their teeth to free themselves from their mothers' wombs. There weren't many things which could tear through vampire skin other than vampire teeth, and the material which surrounded the fetus was very like vampire skin.

Meaning there were only two ways for the child to be born: either it would bite its own way free of Bella's body, or we would do so.

* * *

 **A/N**

Who's ready to get all nerdy with Edward and Carlisle over genetics?! I know I am! Come geek-out with us :D


	39. Absolute Genetics

**A/N**

Those familiar with Jessica314's Tale of Years will recognize the med school bit in this chapter, and if you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for? Her story-telling is fantastic, and much of my understanding of the Cullen family comes from having read her series. I've used her ideas in this chapter and elsewhere with her permission, of course!

Also, at this point in Jacob's book, he says Edward and Carlisle have a conversation concerning the fetus's genetics, a conversation of which he understood little more than his own name. Now, that doesn't sound like a lot of fun to write, and much less to read, but y'all know me and glossing over things ;)

Honestly, I find SM's universe to be fascinating and truly enjoyed exploring one of the many possibilities.

What I wouldn't give to actually have a medical debate with Carlisle... Sigh.

~L

* * *

 **39\. Absolute Genetics**

Attempting to keep the horrifying images in Jacob's mind from intruding into mine, I latched on to the comforting sound of my father's thoughts.

"Can you think of no other explanation for the thing she's carrying?" I asked Carlisle in a harsh voice.

"A few, but specious speculations will not answer our questions."

"Even the most erroneous hypotheses can lead to the truth."

"Only when there is a way to prove or, at the very least, test those theories."

Rose turned to stare at Carlisle with wide eyes. "You are _not_ experimenting on Bella's baby!"

"Of course not," he agreed in an even tone.

"Even _after_ he's born."

"Rosalie, if the child is harmless as Bella believes, then I assure you I mean it no harm. I make no promises apart from that, as I will not allow it to threaten any member of our family."

"In any event," I muttered, "we're not planning on taking it for testing, _Rose;_ we're just discussing theories. Go back to your car show."

"You aren't the only one who's been through medical school."

"No," I agreed with a smirk. "Carlisle has graduated, too."

"Edward," he rebuked me.

"Um. Forgive me. What I meant was... Carlisle holds numerous degrees in a variety of medical fields."

 _Is that really necessary, son?_

"Well, it isn't like she completed the program. Just because she attended doesn't make her qualified to practice medicine."

 _And did you graduate the first time?_

Glaring at him because he knew the answer as well as I, I admitted, "Not the first time, no."

"I may not have graduated yet," Rose sneered, "but neither was I kicked out for killing one of my patients."

"I _didn't_ kill him!"

"You got lucky," she said with a sniff.

Carlisle wished we truly were his children that he might send us to our rooms to stop the incessant bickering.

With Bella asleep, Esme thought now would be a good time to wash the cup she'd been using. She left the room with a parting thought of how human women were lucky because at least _their_ children - even their adopted ones - would eventually grow up. We all breathed easier as the scent of blood faded from the air.

Attempting to prove that I was not a child, but an adult worthy of Carlisle's good opinion, I let the argument with Rosalie go and returned to the topic of the fetus's potential genetics. "Do you really think its rapid growth can be explained in such a way? Neither of us have the werewolf gene."

"No. You have vampire genes."

"But vampires don't grow. At all. You don't go from no growth to accelerated growth without involving some other variable."

"And we have one. Bella is a human, and you are a vampire. That changes everything."

"No," I argued. "It still makes no sense. _I don't grow_. The fetus's growth rate should be a human speed or perhaps even slower, but not faster."

"How deeply did your courses delve into genetics?"

I shrugged. "The human genome project had only just taken off my last time around. I've learned more from watching you read than what they covered."

"I guessed as much."

Slightly offended, I said, "Why?"

"The fetus would not have twenty-four _pairs_ as Bella will only have contributed twenty-three. Any additional ones that it carries would be monosomes from you, alone."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Semantics. You know what I meant. You're suggesting the fetus's accelerated growth rate is because it has more chromosomes than a human?"

He chuckled and leaned forward in his chair to balance his elbows on his knees. "Humans may have finished mapping their DNA, but that hardly means they understand how all of it works. The smallest deletions or translocations can have catastrophic effects, or none at all. Even with the correct number of chromosomes all in their proper locations, alterations from the norm are noticeable. Did you see the article I read on silver foxes?"

I shook my head. I'd had other things on my mind than reading over the past year or so.

"Some humans have begun breeding them in the way they do dogs. It is remarkable how breeding an animal for one specific trait - a curly tail, or a certain colored fur, for example - would change many other physical traits in unexpected and seemingly unrelated ways. And even more remarkable was the speed at which those changes occurred. Within just a few generations, they became quite dog-like."

His eyes - despite their near-black color - were bright with interest and excitement. The field of medicine was vast and ever-changing, and all vampires craved new things, new experiences, new knowledge. Each medical discovery humans made was like a gift to the insatiable doctor's curiosity, and I never failed to get caught up in his excitement when we discussed his chosen profession.

Oblivious to my amusement, he continued, "Now, if what we are seeing is the result of additional chromosomes, I am forced to wonder just how many the venom contains. The vampire aspect could all be contained within a single additional chromosome, as Jacob's wolf gene appears to be, or it could require three or four or perhaps many more. Jacob has twenty-four pairs, yes, but true wolves have thirty-nine. Whatever coding causes the Quileutes' transformation would most likely be located solely on the extra set, but that is not to say their others do not differ from a human's in other ways."

"But all of his were pairs? What I mean is, Jacob's mother wasn't a wolf; his grandfather was. Great-grandfather. Whichever. Where did the other half of his wolf gene come from?"

"Do you know all the ins and outs of his family tree? Does he? Can you say for certain that Jacob's mother did not carry the wolf gene? Since Leah has changed, she is all the evidence we need that members of both sexes can carry and pass on the wolf DNA."

"From what I gather, there had never been a female wolf before. Apparently Leah's change was quite the surprise to them, but I suppose that doesn't mean the women didn't carry it; just that it had never activated in a female until now."

Catching Alice's thoughts, I turned toward where she was seated behind the couch.

"What does that have to do with anything? Oh. I see your point. But no, they aren't."

Carlisle inhaled slowly, trying to stifle the annoyance my siblings often displayed at my mind reading.

I started to explain, "Alice was just wondering - "

"If the pack was color-blind," she finished as she stood and moved into the middle of the living room, where she seated herself once more, this time where she could see me and Carlisle.

"Interesting," he said in surprise.

Alice shrugged. "Well, dogs are color-blind, right? But when it occurs in humans, isn't it just the men?"

"There are many sex related conditions, color-blindness among them. Most often seen in males, they can present in females if the mother is a carrier and the father has the trait."

"Like with Leah," she said with a nod.

"Even without the variable of a female wolf, there is nothing saying that Jacob's parents did not both carry the gene. The Quileute tribe is not all that large. They may all carry it, or it may be that only a few do. Does the transformation require genes from both parents? Could that have something to do with who has changed and who has not? There are more young men and women on the reservation than there are within the pack. Why is that? Why did some change and not others? Unless the tribe consents to genetic testing for all members, we will probably never know."

Alice glanced at Jacob, and a frown crossed her pixie face. I guessed she was uncomfortable with discussing him as though he wasn't there, but the wolf was not making any effort to involve himself in our discussion. After waiting a beat, she turned back to Carlisle and asked, "Is that why they imprint, do you think? 'Cause they've found their genetic matches?"

He lifted a shoulder and nodded. "Possibly. The drive to reproduce is one of the strongest instincts within the animal kingdom, and from what Edward has told me of the strength of the imprint, it could easily be based on genetic viability."

With the scent of blood no longer permeating the air, Emmett strolled into the living room to give me a broad grin. "See, Eddie? What'd I tell ya? Sex makes the world go 'round. Ain't that right, baby?"

Rosalie favored him with a look of love when he kissed her hand. He waggled his eyebrows at me and threw himself into the chair beside hers.

 _...but then, I guess you know that first-hand now, eh?_

I grunted and looked away, trying to stifle the fierce jealousy and resentment that flared within me. Usually seeing the love they felt for each other didn't bother me all that much, but after nearly a century alone, to only have been granted two weeks to love my Bella just seemed utterly unfair.

He chortled, continuing to eye me and grin. _...that's your reaction after ending a hundred years of celibacy, maybe you need some pointers?_

"Bite me, Em."

 _...oho! Touchy, touchy! Seems I hit a nerve..._

 _"Emmett,"_ I moaned.

 _...me an Rosie show you how it's done!_

Carlisle said sternly, "Leave your brother be, Emmett."

"What? I didn't say anything!"

"Everyone knows you don't have to!" I snapped.

"Whatever." He snorted. "Fine. Be that way."

I tried my best to ignore Rosalie's smug look as she eyed her husband. After a moment of silence, Carlisle resumed his speculations.

 _...they believe we are responsible for their transformation..._

"Yes," I nodded toward Carlisle. "Bella said they think the change occurs when the wolf reaches a certain age and encounters a vampire."

"I am quite certain that I never met the young men in the pack prior to them joining us in the fight against the newborns. Had any of you? Or even if you never officially met, perhaps you may have run into one of them in town?"

The others indicated they hadn't with shrugs or shakes of their heads, but I nodded. "I met Jacob before his change, but I believe Sam had already shifted by that time, so I don't know if that means anything. It may be necessary for one of our kind to simply to be in the area. I'm not sure of the specifics, and I don't think they are either, but according to them, if we hadn't been here, none of the current pack would have changed. Whether it's true or not..."

He rubbed his thumb across his lips and stared at Jacob. "If their belief about us is correct, and the gene to transform is only triggered in the presence of a vampire, I wonder what it is about us that our mere proximity sets theirs into action?"

"Maybe it's not how close we are that does it." Alice's mind conjured an image of Jasper attempting to detect Bella's scent over that of Jacob's when we had been trying to hide her from the newborn army that spring.

"Huh," I grunted, impressed with her insight. "That's possible, I suppose."

Carlisle's eyes were steady on me as he waited for one of us to elaborate.

"Jacob stinks," I said, earning snorts and snickers from my siblings and a dirty look from my father. "Well, he does. But we smell bad to them, too. Their transformation wouldn't do much good in the way of protection for the tribe if they had to meet a vampire face to face for it to begin. The process isn't instant.

"Bella told me she watched Jacob's accelerated growth over several months before he finally shifted for the first time. If it required a physical meeting, what's the likelihood they would even survive such an encounter to change at all? But if it were triggered by our scent, not our proximity, they wouldn't necessarily have to meet us in person. They may have caught our scent trails around town or in the mountains, and then shifted."

"Pheromone induced transformations? Hmm." Carlisle conceded the possibility with a nod.

"I guess it doesn't really matter," I mumbled. "We're here, and they've already transformed. There's nothing we can do about it at this point, other than to not return once we move away."

"Our relationship with the pack aside, I do not think pheromones would have anything to do with your ability to sire a child when a traditional vampire who found himself in your position would have been prompted to feed from Bella the day you met, not mate with her."

"Yes, well, as that didn't happen, Bella and I are married now, and she is pregnant. But her condition is still inexplicable. There are no rapid aging syndromes, other than that which afflicts Jacob and his pack. Nothing about Bella's pregnancy makes sense. I shouldn't have even been able to _get_ her pregnant, for starters!"

 _Not this again._

"No, Carlisle. Whatever else I am, one thing is certain: I'm frozen, unchanging. I'm not capable of mitosis and certainly not meiosis. You speak of vampire genetics, but they don't - they _can't_ \- exist!"

"I believe you have successfully proven the opposite to be true," he said with a glance at my sleeping - and very pregnant - wife.

"There has to be some other explanation."

"Why?"

"Because..." I cast about for an argument other than the one I had been using for the past century.

He smirked at my stumped expression. "What is it that made you a vampire?"

"Aside from yourself?"

He pursed his lips in disapproval. _Yes. Aside from me._

"The venom, of course."

"How?"

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I said, "How am I supposed to know?"

"Exactly! We do not know _how_ venom does what it does, but we do know that it changed us at a basic level. A cellular level. And apparently, a genetic level. We are not human any longer, though we were once. How would that be possible unless we had new genetic material to alter that which already existed within us?"

"There's no DNA in venom. A mouse won't turn into a snake when bitten."

"We are not snakes."

"Obviously. But shouldn't the same rules apply?"

"Why would they? Venom is simply the word we use to describe a secretion our bodies make. _Snake_ venom is a toxin made of proteins and such, intended to paralyze or kill, but who is to say our venom does not carry some genetic material? Assuming they exist at all, from where else would the fetus's extra chromosomes have come? Genetic mutations naturally occur all the time, but not the spontaneous creation of entirely new genetic material."

"So," I said slowly, "that would make our venom more like an infection, like a virus."

He cocked an eyebrow and nodded slowly. _It does seem to act that way, does it not?_ "Or perhaps like a retrovirus would be more accurate, given the speed of our change. When a virus enters a cell, it causes that cell to begin making more of itself, rather than daughter cells. Thus the virus replicates and is spread by the infected person's own body, something which they may become aware of in a very short time frame, or not for years, and our venom may work in a similar manor. It must replicate, but where else would it get the genetic material to do so if not from our own human cells? Of course," he mused, "the venom affected our entire bodies, whereas most viruses are site specific."

Alice cocked her head. "Like hepatitis is just a liver disease, right?"

Looking like a teacher who was pleased to see that his students had actually paid attention, Carlisle smiled and nodded. "Yes. Or those which cause the common cold attack the membranes that line the sinus cavities. Or HIV will only infect certain types of white cells, while the rest of the body remains largely unaffected despite the fact that the virus itself circulates within the blood."

"'Largely unaffected'?" Alice said doubtfully. "You are talking about something that's fatal, like, a hundred percent of the time, right?"

"Largely unaffected by the virus itself, yes. It does very little to a patient on its own, and if kept in check, the patient can live a relatively normal life. It uses and destroys a very specific type of cell - one that fights off other diseases. It is not HIV which kills a person, but other illnesses which healthy humans are easily capable of fighting off."

"But it's not just our skin and diet that are different," Alice argued. "We're not human, not anymore. It changed us completely."

"In our case, the venom is not restricted to one type of cell, though it definitely has an affinity for red blood cells. As Edward's genetics were passed on to create a new offspring, I am led to believe that which makes us _us_ is still within our cells, but with the addition of whatever genes make up our venom. We are not human any longer; we are something else. Something new. A vampire."

What a lovely thought. It was bad enough to be a parasite as Jacob had often called me, or even to be a predator, but to _be_ a disease?

 _...would have expected that to comfort him._

I scoffed and shook my head. "Being likened to a disease isn't exactly comforting, Carlisle."

"You and your absolutes. Your venom behaving like a virus does not make you a disease."

"A disease carrier, then."

Sighing through his nose with his lips pressed tight, he deliberately thought, _You_ _are surely the most stubborn creature on the planet._

"No," I said with a smirk. "That would be Bella."

He chuckled. _Lord help you then, for your child will surely surpass you both._

My eyes widened in alarm. "Lord help us all, should that be the case."

"Aw, come on, guys!" Emmett moaned.

"My apologies, Emmett," Carlisle said with a nod toward him before cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Fine, fine," I grumped. "I'll try to wait until everyone speaks their thoughts."

 _...like that'll last..._

"Though it would be nice if everyone actually _spoke_ them," I snarled at Rosalie.

"Hmm." Carlisle leaned back in his chair and began to think of the texts he had studied on genetics. Not something he would need as an emergency room doctor, the subject had fascinated him nonetheless, and he had read everything about it that he could put his hands on.

 _...a virus is not alive in the way we consider most things to be..._

Unable to stop myself, I interjected, "Neither am I."

 _...lasted all of ten seconds... must be a new record!_

I ignored Rose's derisive sniff.

Picking up the thread of his thoughts, Carlisle said, "And yet, a virus _is_ alive. Crystals - rocks which actively grow - are merely deposits of dissolved minerals. A virus evolves, reproduces, even if it does require the presence of a host to do so."

"Mindlessly. Automatically. With no direction or purpose. Sure it makes more of itself," I said with a snort, "but that's all it does. You could say the same thing of a fire or any kind of chemical reaction, for that matter. That alone doesn't make it alive."

"What are any of us but hosts for the electrical and chemical reactions that take place within us?"

"So which is it, Carlisle? Are we genetically altered humans, or a new species? A disease, or disease-ridden? The host, or the parasite?"

He chuckled humorlessly. "Again with the absolutes. Must it always be one or the other?"

"Well..." Needling him on purpose, I smiled innocently. "Yes."

"Would you call a mountain lion a predator? Most people would. And yet, when _you_ hunt them, they become the prey. The lion did not change, only our perception of it. Nature is red in tooth and claw, my son, and all creatures must hunt or be hunted. Living things do not belong only to one category and then stay there forever. It is the natural order of things that change is inevitable."

"Now you're arguing my side!"

"Am I?"

"We don't change. That alone makes us unnatural."

His lips twitched, and his eyes danced with amusement. "Do we not? I submit that we do in fact change. I have seen it with my own eyes. I have spent the past century watching this family change and grow, including myself. It wasn't all that long ago that I was a homeless nomad, and now?" He spread his hands and glanced around at the large house our family called home.

"So your circumstances are different; that doesn't mean _you_ are."

"Physically, you perfectly resemble the dying young man I first met, but mentally? Emotionally? No. You have grown, Edward, as have we all. It may take us more time to do so than it would a human, but time is something we have in excess."

I had been enjoying the debate with my father, had even allowed myself to forget what had sparked it, but his words brought me back to reality. "Four days is hardly what I would call an excess."

He looked at Bella and frowned. "But for her supply of blood, we are as ready for the birth as possible. Each day she carries it increases both of their chances of survival."

I nodded woodenly.

 _...changing now, as it must be in order to grow, but will it continue to do so once separated from Bella?_

"I guess that depends on how much of it is human, and how much vampire."

"Hybrids do not necessarily display an equal halving of their parents' traits, any more than any child."

Emmett started snickering.

I groaned as my throat flared with renewed thirst. "Not _now,_ Emmett."

 _Oh, yes, now._ "Hey, Carlisle, you remember those ligers?"

Carlisle pressed his lips together, attempting not to respond to Emmett's laughter. "Yes, Emmett. I recall."

"Well," I said defensively, "you saw the size of those things! If you found out there was an elephant sized bear, no doubt you'd be the one pestering everyone to consider a new destination for our family vacation."

"Did I say I blame you? Who was it that found you the zoo's blueprints, eh?" Emmett tapped his chin and pretended to think. "Oh, that's right! It was yours truly."

"And as I told you both at the time," Carlisle said in a stern voice, "the humans would notice if any one of them went missing. There are, what? Six in existence?"

"I know! It's almost too perfect. They breed just one more, and there'll be one for each of us!"

"How wonderful, Emmett. Our family could wipe out an entire species in one feeding."

Emmett snorted. "Big deal. They can make more."

"That is not the point. I watched those videos you wanted me to see; those cats are like children to their handlers. You know full and well that they are not for us."

"And I'm still sayin' we should just breed our own! If the humans can do it, so can we."

Alice huffed. "Emmett, I've told you: _no._ That future ends badly every time you plan it."

"It is impractical in any case," Carlisle agreed. "We cannot stay anywhere for the length of time it would require to establish that kind of a sanctuary."

"And even if we did," Alice said to Emmett archly, "would you be able to resist killing the lions and tigers within it long enough for them to even breed the cats you two keep drooling over? And even then, someone would have to feed and tend to them as they grew, and it wouldn't be me, that's for sure."

"Hey, if Eddie can get Bella pregnant, I'd say anything's possible."

"This isn't helping," I muttered.

Trying to steer the conversation back onto the subject of the fetus, Carlisle said, "The liger is not the only hybrid animal species. The mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey, for example, and there are many others. But you are not going to find a cat breeding with a dog, even _in vitro._ The two are not closely related enough to be viable mix. Which reinforces what I stated earlier. We used to be human, and there must be something within us which remains so." _...however, Emmett does have an interesting point..._

"Holy mother of..." I stared at my father in horror. "Newborn vampires are vicious enough. You think _this_ will be _worse?"_

"The liger is an interesting species in that they are an enhanced version of their parents. Stronger than either species, and bigger, by far. Becoming a vampire already enhances much that the human was, and Bella's fetus is clearly showing that potential with its accelerated growth and supra-human strength."

The immortal children had been bad enough; the thought of a vampire child that was worse was terrifying. Needing to deny that it was possible, I said, "Yes, but, the mule isn't an enhanced horse."

"There are no set rules when it comes to hybrids in general and certainly not with a combination that has never before been seen."

"Now you know how I feel," Alice muttered sourly.

Carlisle looked at her curiously and shook his head.

"Ignorance is frustrating. I hate being blind! I hate not knowing. It's awful."

"That's how us normies live every day, Alice," Emmett said.

"Poor you."

"Just think of it as an exercise in further developing your humanity," Carlisle said with a smile.

Emmett's dimples formed as he tried not to grin at our tiny sister. "Yeah. By the time it's old enough to develop a fashion sense, you two should be the best of friends. Imagine the fun of going on a shopping trip where you don't know what you're coming home with ahead of time!"

Annoyed with by brother's flippancy, I sneered, "Oh, yes, because buying clothes surely means it's human and not a vicious killer."

"Who said anything about _buying_ clothes?" Alice asked. "We won't even bother bringing money. Just let the kid take care of the salesclerks and customers alike, and then grab whatever we fancy. Sounds like a blast."

"Has there ever been a bigger bunch of pessimists? Jeez, Edward, you're rubbing off on Alice if even the idea of shopping can't cheer her up."

"Stop pretending like it will behave like one when the fetus _isn't_ human."

As he opened his mouth to tease Alice again, Carlisle pointedly cleared his throat and shot Emmett a warning look. Giving a low grunt, Emmett closed his mouth, crossed his arms, and leaned back in his chair with a disappointed grimace.

Without my brother to divert the conversation, Carlisle said, "It is not fully human, no, but Bella is human, and Edward used to be. The majority of its genetic material must be the same, but as we see with Jacob, even the slightest differences can change everything about a creature. It is human, yes, but it is also very much a vampire."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Which explains why it rejected all forms of nutrition other than blood."

He nodded. "And eggs?"

"Once she started getting sick, Bella couldn't keep those down either."

"She is eating normally now, aside from the blood."

"Yes. And the fetus is growing again. Inhumanly fast. Something which you have yet to explain."

"I may never be able to do so adequately."

"Speculate, then. Specious or otherwise."

"Alright. You contend that the fetus should grow at the same rate or slower than a human, but not faster. Is that correct?"

"Since apparently not at all isn't an option."

"Apparently," he agreed dryly. "How about you explain something to _me,_ instead."

Eyeing him curiously, I nodded. "I'll try."

"How do you run so fast?"

"I don't know. I just do."

"'I just do' is not a sound scientific argument."

"The same way as anyone else moves, I suppose. Put one foot in front of the other and repeat. Just... _faster."_

"I think you have your answer."

I blinked at him. "You've lost me."

"We can move faster than a human can see and can speak faster than a human can comprehend. Do we do so differently? No. Only faster. You, in particular, are capable of doing so faster even than the rest of us, but your basic motions are still the same.

"The time it takes to change a fully grown human into a vampire is astonishingly short. A butterfly's metamorphosis takes months, and they are tiny in comparison with a human. The venom must have replicated itself at an enormous rate in order to change us in such a short time frame, especially when you consider the minute amount initially introduced.

"And then, once all the cells in our bodies were changed, we woke, ravenous for a new source of material for the venom to react with."

"Blood," I breathed.

"Quite."

"Before Bella began drinking blood, the fetus had stopped growing altogether. Now it's growing again, even faster than before."

"Mmm. Despite all that we had been trying to feed Bella, whatever it is in blood that a vampire needs, the fetus was not getting."

"Well, it is now," Alice muttered sourly.

Carlisle hummed in agreement. "And thus it is thriving once again."

We all looked at Bella's growing stomach.

"Newborns have an insatiable thirst," I said, "worse than a mature vampire's, no matter how bad _that_ might be."

"Indeed."

Trying to work out what Carlisle seemed to be thinking, I said, "And you propose that that thirst is due to the venom reproducing at vampire speed?"

He nodded thoughtfully. "Without knowing more about our genetics, I can only assume that our venom is programmed to keep making more of itself under any circumstances. Just because the body has run out of raw material to convert does not mean its reproductive drive ceases to operate. After being surfeited with blood, it may take months - or a year? - for the venom's rate of production to slow to a pace that the vampire is able to readily accommodate."

"But the fetus had completely stopped growing before. Bella isn't anemic; it hasn't been draining _her_ blood."

"It would be self-defeating for the child to be capable of killing its mother before it can survive apart from her."

"But, if we're basing its accelerated growth rate on the fact that it only takes three days to transform a human into a vampire, shouldn't it have been born weeks ago? Something else must be coming into play."

"Yes," he said quietly. "It is growing slowly because of its human heritage."

"'Slowly'?" I repeated, aghast.

"I speculate," he said with a quirk of an eyebrow, "that if vampires _were_ capable of breeding amongst themselves, the pregnancy would take a few hours at most." _...gives new meaning to the term, 'newborn vampire,' does it not?_

Jacob had mercifully fallen asleep, but not even his snoring could drown out the sound of Bella's struggling heart.


	40. Book 3: Paradigm Shift

**Book 3 Paradigm Shift**

 **40\. Blurred Lines**

Dead creatures couldn't breed, but I was going to be a father. My head was reeling with the implications. The creature's very existence supported what Carlisle had believed all along.

Despite my stone flesh, my lack of change, or my inability to grow, despite the fact that I didn't need to breathe, or that I could be torn apart and then put back together again - something no living creature was capable of - I _couldn't_ be dead. Bella was carrying my vampire child, and that meant that half of its genetics had come from me.

Of course it had; that was how babies were made! But... whatever number of chromosomes the thing had wasn't really the issue. I shouldn't have been able to provide it with _any!_ Living things underwent cell division, not dead ones.

 _Not dead ones._

God help me, I was going to be a father. _A father!_ My own arguments to Carlisle supporting my belief that we were not living creatures had included the fact that such a thing was impossible. The very notion was absurd. Dead creatures couldn't breed! But apparently, _I_ could. I **had!**

After spending a century convinced that I was not, it was hard to come to terms with the possibility that I was still very much alive. I couldn't look away from Bella's round stomach for a long moment. The evidence had always pointed to the contrary, but _this_ \- my child growing in Bella's womb - trumped everything else.

My family's arguments played out in my head. Not just those from this evening, but all the ones we had been having for a century.

Was it possible? Had I been wrong about everything?

No. No, surely not.

Carlisle had said himself that his speculations were just that: Wild conclusions based on half-formed notions without a shred of evidence. We were merely two medically trained men with an interesting yet unprovable mystery to occupy our minds. Our guesses were as worthwhile as drawing conclusions about what life on other planets might be like by basing our assumptions on what little we knew of ourselves.

No. Venom was venom, nothing more. A compound of some nature that had changed us into some perverted mockery of life. Not alive in itself. Not sustaining life within us.

Though I argued against it and tried to reason around it, the evidence which _did_ exist was hard to deny. I had gotten Bella pregnant. How could I be considered anything other than alive? The creature I planted grew! I could argue that that alone wasn't proof of life, but I had to admit to myself that I was reaching for explanations simply because I didn't like the one that so obviously fit.

Still, living or not, I supposed nothing had truly changed. One only had to watch the news to know that there were living monsters all over the world. I had killed more than my fair share of them.

Assuming she survived the birth, would she care when it began to kill? She didn't care that I was a killer, had said from the beginning that it didn't matter, that she loved me anyway.

She loved _it._ Would she turn a blind eye to its murders as she always did to those I had once committed? Would she claim that it was just a baby and didn't know any better? That it simply had to be forgiven its mistakes in the same manner my family had always forgiven each others'?

And if she didn't care about those her husband and child committed, then what of _hers?_ She forgave me so easily; was she capable of doing the same thing for herself? I didn't want her to feel bad, of course, but if she murdered without remorse, then any forgiveness offered - either to or from her - was meaningless.

She was so good, so pure, I couldn't conceive of any future where she would blithely take human lives, but a part of her goodness was her capacity to forgive even the most heinous of crimes. That murders would happen unintentionally was something my family had come to accept, though we took every precaution we could in order to prevent them. How could we condemn any other for doing the same things we had done?

My family's diet was a choice we all made, with varying degrees of success. Fifty years later, Jasper's control was only somewhat better than it had been in the beginning. He was committed to our lifestyle because of everything it offered - not the least of which was Alice - but he also anticipated that accidents were bound to occur.

Was Bella the same? Had she already accepted the fact? She claimed to believe in our ability to keep her from killing, but how could I tell when I couldn't read her mind!

Fury swept through me at the cruelty of a God who would give a woman with a silent mind to a telepath. I couldn't even be sure if I was reading her emotions correctly since she had learned to hide them so well.

Eventually perspiration began to form at Bella's hairline, and I woke Jacob to take his place. He declined Esme's offer to fix him something to eat, intending to head right out so that he could push the boundaries around our house farther in order to give Carlisle some additional assurances of our safety. We'd been given notice that the blood we had requested had been delivered to the hospital and was only waiting on him to pick the units up.

Jacob accepted the information that they needed to go today and took off, muttering about fresh air.

When she began to shiver again, there was no werewolf conveniently available, but we had plenty of blankets.

The wolves' minds flashed in and out of my range throughout the early morning hours. I ignored their banter as it neither concerned nor interested me. Whatever they chose to do with their lives once Bella's was over had nothing to do with what I would do with mine, barring the agreement I had made with Jacob. At the very least, it was reassuring to hear that there were no signs of the other wolf pack in any of the directions they probed.

They did find signs of a small herd of deer, and my venom flowed in reaction to the knowledge that they had taken a couple of them down. I could have used an entire pride of lions at that moment, and even a deer or two sounded appealing. Anything would have been better than the painfully dry ache that was building and growing with no promise of relief to come.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who was thirsty. Bella was searching for her cup as she struggled to free herself from the blanket cocoon, and shot me a dirty look at the amusement I couldn't hide.

"Esme took the cup to wash," I explained as I unwrapped her feet.

"I'll get it," Rose said. "I'll be right back, alright?" She smiled gently at Bella before shooting a fierce look at me. Rolling my eyes at her silent warning, I sat beside Bella, pulling her against me to cool her back down. Her blanket cocoon had kept her warm in the wolves' absence, but now she was overheated.

"Breakfast time for the human?"

Bella shook her head, tucking her damp and matted hair behind her ears. "No, thanks. I'm just really thirsty."

"Don't worry. We won't run out before you deliver."

"You're sure? I've gone through so much of it."

"Yes, I'm sure," I said as I kissed her hair. "Carlisle will be bringing more home as soon as Jacob says it's safe to leave."

"And if it isn't safe?" The words were a whisper, as though she was afraid of both the question and any possible answers.

"Then he'll take Alice and Jasper and maybe Emmett too, and they'll make _sure_ it's safe."

"Edward," she breathed. "Even if Jacob says it's safe, it's _not._ Alice can't see the pack. What if they go and somehow the wolves find them? I don't want anyone to be hurt."

It took me a moment to answer. The frightened, angry, childish part of me wanted to retort with something about that not mattering to her, because regardless of what she might say she wanted, people - vampire, werewolf, and human - were already being hurt and would continue to be. Her decision to keep the thing she carried had made that inevitable.

Instead, I mumbled words that were meant to soothe, not sting. "Jacob's senses are sharp, Bella. I've followed their thoughts as they patrolled. Trust me, if any pack member has been anywhere near the area between our home and Forks in the past few days, he'll know. If they haven't _been_ roaming, they aren't likely to suddenly start doing so now."

"But - "

"Please don't worry, love. The wolves are strong, but so are we."

"That's the problem, Edward." She said the words slowly, her tone one of disgust. "I love all of you; don't you see? Alice's gift wouldn't do her any good if she had to fight one of them, and Emmett fighting with Paul is just as bad as if he was fighting Jasper as far as I'm concerned."

I snorted and grinned. "Not even close. With Paul, at least he'd stand a chance of winning."

"Hey!" he shouted from Carlisle's study as Jasper burst out laughing. "I seem to remember Jazz shoving your face in the dirt on more than one occasion recently."

"So?" I called back. "I'll bet you can recall him doing the same thing to yourself."

Bella's mouth dropped open and she huffed. "Edward!"

"What?"

"That's not helping, you know."

"Silly girl. They wouldn't even be able to get close without Alice knowing they were coming. She doesn't need to see the wolves' future, just her own. As long as she can..." I shrugged. "And if their futures _should_ disappear, she knows how to adjust her plans to find a path that's safe."

"And if they surround them? If there _is_ no safe path? What good would it do to know they're coming if she can't avoid them?"

"Bella, honestly, they'll be fine."

"You can't know that."

"Of course I can. Excluding newborns, Emmett's the strongest vampire I've ever met, but Jasper's told you of his past. There's a reason he's still alive, and it's the reason even Emmett rarely beats him. You watched Jasper train us, but so did the pack, and they're three wolves short right now. They know what we're capable of, and they're not about to risk their lives to accomplish - what? The dismemberment of three or four vampires? At the cost of how many of their own lives? Even if the wolves succeeded in overpowering all of them, something I sincerely doubt, many of their number would be lost, and there would still be all the rest of us guarding you. It would be a pointless victory."

Her eyes grew wide and her lips had pressed firmly together as I spoke. When she responded, her voice was angry. "If any one of you died fighting each other, it's not a victory!"

"That's my point, Bella," I said gently. "Even if they win, they lose."

She started to shake her head, but I took her face in my hands and said, "Listen to me, alright?" and waited, watching her eyes lose their anger until she sighed and nodded.

"We had a treaty that had let us coexist peacefully for years, though until you entered the picture, I would never have imagined calling it a friendship. I do now. I don't want them hurt any more than you do. None of us do, even if Emmett would love to test his strength on them."

She glanced in his direction and grimaced. I wasn't sure if she could hear his low chuckle, but I did.

"I love you, Bella. _We_ love you," I corrected with a glance at my sister. "And we're not going to let anything happen to you. The wolves are afraid of what you are carrying, and were willing to kill us or die trying in order to end its life, but they aren't stupid. They're not going to throw their lives away in an attack that wouldn't accomplish that aim. Carlisle will be fine. He'll be back shortly with enough blood to see you through this, and when we all leave Forks, the pack will still be here, unharmed. I promise."

She sighed lightly - the broken ribs made anything else impossible. The rich smell of her breath wafting across my face carried with it traces of the blood she'd been drinking, making the fire in my throat flare in response. I ignored it though, simply pleased to see her small smile as she accepted my words with a nod.

"That's better. See? Nothing to worry about." I kissed her forehead and pulled her against me, carefully avoiding her ribs as I snuggled her closer to my side. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around me as best she could with her stomach in the way. Hoping she'd go back to sleep, I began to hum her lullaby under my breath. By the time the song ended, Bella's breathing was slow and even, and she slept.

In the silence, I was aware that one of my family had been listening to me. The notes of Bella's lullaby were running through their mind, slightly distorted but the pattern recognizable, nonetheless. I wondered at the distortion. My family all had perfect hearing, but I guessed they weren't really paying attention to the notes they were echoing. I hadn't been very loud; most of them shouldn't even have been able to hear me.

Still, it was annoying. The song didn't sound right. It was only being lightly hummed, but there were notes missing and phrases mashed together. Even if they had barely heard me this time, my family members were all familiar with the lullaby and should have been able to recall it with clarity from my piano playing.

Frowning, I focused on Rosalie's thoughts, but she was trying to plan her role in the birth. I was not to be allowed anywhere near the child.

If it wasn't her, maybe it was Esme. She loved hearing me make any kind of music, and when last she had asked, I had been unable to do so. I reached for my mother's mind, wondering at the increasing sense of longing and frustration that surrounded the repetition of the tune. That frustration flared, and in the same instant, Bella jerked awake with a cry as the fetus kicked out, audibly impacting yet another bone.

"Bella!"

"Oof. Whoa."

Rosalie tensed, leaning toward us. "What?"

Ignoring her, I watched Bella rub herself, but below her swollen belly, not along her ribs. "Carlisle!" I called. "Bella's got another broken bone."

"No, I haven't." Bella shook her head with a frown.

Carlisle was kneeling in front of us before she finished speaking. "Where?"

"It wasn't a rib. I think it was her pelvis this time."

"I didn't hear anything," Rose argued.

"Maybe you would have if you hadn't been busy plotting ways to keep me away from Bella when the fetus decides it's ready to claw its way from her body!"

"And maybe if you weren't being a nosy snoop, you wouldn't be hearing things that weren't there!"

Carlisle turned his head to fix me with a stern stare. "If the two of you could please stop bickering for five minutes, I might be able to determine for myself if Bella has a new injury."

My mouth twisted at his censure, but I held my tongue, and Rose limited her insults to where only I could hear them. When Carlisle returned his attention to Bella, I shot my sister a glare, and she raised her eyebrows, silently daring me to speak again.

"I'm fine, Carlisle, really. Probably have a new bruise, but it doesn't feel broken."

He touched her gingerly, probing the area along her waist where the swelling began. She flinched and inhaled swiftly, then winced as that caused her ribs to react.

"There! See?" I insisted.

"It's just a little sore. Honestly, it doesn't feel broken."

"Carlisle, would a broken rib and a cracked pelvis feel the same?"

"Not necessarily. Ribs move constantly, but as she is not standing, her pubic bones are not being subjected to the same stress."

"I think she'd know her own body well enough to tell when her bones have been broken," Rosalie muttered.

"Whether she admits it or not, Bella's been in constant discomfort if not outright pain for weeks now. Who's to say she's feeling anything with accuracy at this point?"

Bella scoffed and looked offended. "Um, me? I know when I'm in pain, Edward."

Carlisle glanced between the two of us, thinking of how she resisted admitting to anything being wrong and how I had a tendency to overreact where Bella was involved.

"I'm not overreacting," I said through my teeth. "I _heard_ something."

"There is no point in arguing," Carlisle said with sure authority. "The matter is easily resolved. Another x-ray will not hurt the fetus, and will assure us all that you are unharmed."

Bella consented with a nod.

Angry with both Rose and myself, though his face only held his gentle smile as he looked at Bella, he reached for her and asked, "May I?"

She blushed, but nodded again and allowed Carlisle to scoop her from the couch. Rose and I exchanged dirty looks behind his back as we followed him upstairs.

Outwardly cordial, despite her inner scathing remarks, Rosalie and I got the film in place and the machine set up while Carlisle held Bella. He wasn't merely standing in place as he seemed to be. I tried to ignore Rose and concentrated on Carlisle as he mentally cataloged all of the measurements he was taking.

Bella's pulse was erratic, her breathing shallow and too fast, and she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a very short time. The fever had risen since he'd last checked it. Her core temperature seemed far too hot where her belly pressed against him through the material of their shirts, but away from that heated center, he almost couldn't tell a difference between his temperature and hers. The blush that remained on her cheeks he thought must have been due to her fever and not her embarrassment. In contrast with her flushed cheeks, her lips were slightly bluish, as the shallow breaths her broken ribs were allowing weren't providing her with enough oxygen.

Or perhaps the fetus was stealing that from her, too.

"Don't you have any to give her?" I muttered. If she were in a hospital, no doubt she would've been hooked up to some before the first broken rib. Certainly after.

"Of course." Carlisle nodded toward the lower cabinets. "The tanks are in the bottom, and the tubing is on the shelves above."

"Um, what are you talking about?"

"You're having trouble breathing Bella. I - Carlisle was thinking your color was off, and he should give you some oxygen like he would any other patient in your condition."

"My color is off?"

"Your lips are blue, Bella," I explained impatiently.

"Yeah. 'Cause I'm _cold."_

"Your ribs are broken." Enunciating my words carefully, I tried not to growl. "You need oxygen that you aren't getting in your current state."

"No way am I wearing one of those nose things if that's what you're thinking. I'm _fine._ I don't feel lightheaded or out of breath or whatever it is you think is wrong with me. Let's just get this x-ray over with so I can get back under the blankets. Okay? I'm sure my color will be perfectly fine once I'm warm again."

Carlisle and I exchanged glances. He lifted a shoulder and strode toward the waiting exam table. _With the vigilant care you and Rosalie are providing her, there is no need for many of the monitoring devices doctors normally rely upon, but I will entreat you to pay extra attention to her breathing for the time being._

I nodded. "Of course."

Bella smiled as though I had been answering her, and I didn't correct that assumption.

Once the images had been taken, I sprinted to my room and snagged a blanket from my bed. There was no reason she should have to wait until we got back downstairs to warm up. I moved so quickly, she probably hadn't been aware I left the room before I was tucking it around her. As I made to cover her arm, she reached out and laid a single finger on the back of my hand. Pausing, I met her eyes warily.

"Thank you, Edward."

"Of course, love."

I tucked her arm in and brushed a kiss across her forehead. The smile that earned distracted me from the other minds in the house as I ran my fingers along the lines of her face. Her once rounded cheeks were sunken slightly, enhancing the cheekbones that were far too pronounced. As I ran a finger along her pointed chin, a tear slipped from one eye, and I wiped it away. Despite the tear, she was smiling, and her eyes were happy when they met mine.

Aware that my name was being repeated, I turned around. "What?"

"I said I did not find any sign of injury."

"Nothing?"

"See for yourself," he said as he gestured at the screen. _It took five different angles due to the obstruction of the sac surrounding the fetus, but I can see every inch of her pelvis..._ His fingers traced the image on the screen as he named the different areas. _The ilium here down to the ischium, from the posterior across to the anterior iliac spine, the bones are clearly visible, and there is no sign of an impact. Look, this is where she flinched when I probed, but the bone is not broken. Not even a hairline fracture._ He tapped on the image where the bone was quite obviously whole.

It wasn't totally unblemished, though. I lightly touched a patterning of smudges. "What about here?"

 _She is developing osteoporosis_. I glanced at him sharply, but he kept his eyes on the film and raised a shoulder. _...not unheard of during a complicated pregnancy, and the fetus is not allowing her to receive much nutrition... using her reserves to supply it with what it needs at her expense._

A frustrated groan escaped me at his resigned tone, but he was right. She hadn't cared that it broke her bones; why should I think she would care that it was stealing from them? I pointed to a bright spot on the opposite side. "And this?"

Carlisle shook his head. _That is several months old._

Several months. It took me no time to process what that meant. She'd hurt herself when I'd been gone. Probably riding with Jacob on that damned bike! Risking her life just so she could imagine my voice. I shook my head in confusion, but insisted, "I _heard_ it break. And Bella jumped; she felt it."

"I felt him move," she corrected. "I knew when he broke my ribs, and that hurt a lot more than this. Him stretching hurt more. He might have bumped me a little, but I was more surprised than anything else."

"Well, good, I suppose. What I mean is, I'm glad I was mistaken."

 _...can I get that in writing, please?_

I didn't bother shooting my sister a glare, though I had to concentrate on not growling when she continued.

 _...about time Mr. Know-it-all admitted to not being omniscient. Now if we could just get him to admit he's wrong about the baby..._

"Do you need to make a stop by the bathroom, Bella?"

"No thanks, Rose. I would like a refill, though."

"Alright." The cooler was in the exam room with us, and Esme had already stocked the cupboards with extra cups so that Rose didn't even need to go to the kitchen. She was at my side a moment later, but when Bella was freed from the blanket I'd tucked about her, she reached for me, not the cup Rosalie offered. Answering her unspoken plea, I gathered Bella into my arms, and only once she was settled in my embrace did she reach for the cup.

The bone might not have been broken this time, but she still moved as gingerly as though every one of them hurt. I placed my feet carefully, trying not to let her feel any movement as I strode for the door.

As she opened it for me, Rose muttered, "See, I _told_ you I didn't hear a crack. You need to get your ears checked, Edward."

Something told me we would all be better off if I didn't answer her. Especially when I became aware of Jacob downstairs talking to Alice. When had he come in? I supposed I had been so wrapped up in my concern over Bella, I had been tuning everything else out. Even Carlisle had been forced to repeat my name in order to get my attention.

"Edward's going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think," Alice was saying. "I'm surprised she doesn't see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him."

A snort escaped me. He could stop me, but he'd have to catch me first.

"I'll take Emmett," Jacob said in a low voice. "You can help Edward with the ripping part."

Rose hissed in fury that he would dare to suggest attacking her husband, nevermind the threat to herself.

I was surprised by how comfortable Jacob seemed in joking with Alice, even if it was about attacking my brother and dismembering my sister. It was one thing for him to use jokes to taunt Rosalie, as those were meant to insult her, not to elicit a laugh, but there was a certain comradery between them. I would have thought him and Alice were friends if I didn't know otherwise.

As I walked down the stairs, Bella spied Jacob. In spite of how carefully I walked, he could tell that she was hurting with each step, yet still she smiled at him and breathed his name. He didn't answer, for which I was grateful. As I settled her into her spot on the couch, I wasn't sure if she wanted her blankets or not. She had not been shivering against me as I carried her down the stairs and didn't reach for one, so I seated myself beside her on the floor. If she wanted one, I could have a blanket settled over her before she could finish asking for it.

Even Jacob could see the worry and stress on Carlisle's face as he came downstairs. Bella's condition was deteriorating quickly. The blood was helping, but he worried it was too little, too late. A woman's body was capable of creating a life within herself, but it wasn't meant to do so in the short month it had taken so far. A normal pregnancy was a drain on a woman's resources, and yet _they_ had the time to adjust to their babies' demands.

He may have predicted only another few days, but he was wondering if she had it within her to last that long, and if there was anything he could do to help provide her with the nutrition she so obviously wasn't getting. Blood wasn't meant to pass through a human's digestive system; it was possible that it was doing her as much harm as good. He had already dismissed the possibility of transfusing it as being ineffective. If that would have worked, he should have seen a drop in her blood count when he had been able to test it, but those numbers had remained steady.

"Carlisle, we went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go."

Grateful to receive some good news for a change, he smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There's much that we need."

 _Bella is not the only one in our home who is thirsty,_ he thought with a glance at the cup Bella was clutching. It wasn't often that I'd seen Carlisle's eyes shift completely to black. Of all our family, he had the most practice, the most control, yet he was no less a vampire than I was, and the stress had long since taken its toll on me. It shouldn't have surprised me to see the complete absence of gold in his eyes, but it did.

"Honestly, I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."

Carlisle nodded. He had heard and agreed with my assurances to Bella. If the pack hadn't been patrolling that area, they weren't going to suddenly start doing so now. Since Jacob hadn't found any traces, they weren't likely to have any encounters with the hostile werewolves, and it pleased him that more of our family would be able to break their fast.

"If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa-"

"Not a chance," Rose hissed. "Emmett can go with you now." _...leaving him with her unsupervised!_

He knew why she refused, but thought I was unlikely to act at this point. I'd assured Bella that I would support her now, and he believed in me. He didn't want to see any of us suffering, and her eyes showed her thirst as clearly as his.

"You should hunt," he said carefully.

"I'll hunt when _he_ does." She thrust her chin in my direction, then tossed her hair over her shoulder in defiance. He sighed, but didn't press her, nor bother suggesting that I take the opportunity.

Carefully not breathing with Bella holding a cup full of human blood in her hands, Jasper and Emmett streaked through the living room, grateful for the chance to leave Carlisle's study at all, much less with plans to _hunt._ I could tell by his constant swallowing that Jasper's venom was flowing already, and any bears Emmett found would surely meet a swift end. Esme and Alice joined them a second later..

"Thank you," Carlisle said fervently as he placed a hand on Jacob's arm. Before Bella had taken two breaths, my family was gone, and I was left with only Rosalie and Jacob to join in my vigil.

Rose glared at him and wondered if he'd have the gall to ask her for food himself this time.

She seated herself firmly on the floor, almost daring him to mention food, but instead, he flopped into the chair closest to her.

Jacob's thoughts were loud with delight as he dangled his foot inches away from Rosalie's face. His foot was bare and didn't carry the stink of being wrapped up in shoes and socks which had long since been permeated with sweat. His had been covered in fur, not shoes, and only smelled of earthy loam, decomposing leaves, and the sour whiff of rot he would have given off regardless of his form.

Rose tried to ignore it, but as the foot in question was nearly in her hair, she couldn't resist turning her head slightly to sneer, "Ew. Someone put the dog out."

"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?"

 _...great ...wonderful ...just going to motivate him to come up with more ...finds one I haven't heard._

"Well? Do you know the punchline or not?" he pressed. When her silence persisted, he turned his eyes on me. "Has she heard it?"

I saw no reason to lie, so said, "No," without hesitating. I wasn't bothering to watch anything other than the tiny changes in Bella's face as she breathed, sipped from her cup, eyed Jacob surreptitiously, and glanced worriedly in the direction which our family had run.

My answer pleased him, and he drawled, "Awesome." His mouth spread into a broad grin as he repositioned himself in the chair. "So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker - a blonde's brain cells die _alone."_

Keeping her voice even, Rose didn't even glance at him when she replied, "I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."

"Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that."

"Enough, Jacob," Bella said sharply.

"You want me to take off?" he mumbled in a low voice. He seemed to be hoping for both a yes and a no, as confused by the bond that drew them together as we all were.

"No! Of course not."

The expression on her face was one of shock and horror. She had chosen me, my family, and this life, knowing it would mean the end of her relationship with him, yet she gave no indication she was ready for that relationship to end. Every time he walked through the door, she seemed happier to see him than was explicable.

Jacob and I sighed in unison. It would have been easier on all of us if she didn't love him, but her confusing need for him to stay in her life was undeniable. He couldn't understand why she refused to give him up when she so obviously preferred me. _I_ was her husband, after all, not him. He wanted the fetus she carried to be killed nearly as much as I did, so her continuing need for his company wasn't the same as when she'd sought out Rosalie's.

She didn't look to him for protection, only friendship, but it didn't seem normal to any of us. Angela had been her friend too, but she didn't seem to miss her human friends at all. _Jacob_ she missed as soon as he was gone.

"You look tired," Bella said.

"Dead beat," Jacob agreed.

 _"I'd_ like to beat you dead," Rose muttered under her breath. I doubted Bella heard it, but Jacob did. He grinned and pointedly got more comfortable in the chair, inching his foot just that much closer to Rose's face in the process. She was considering ways in which she could get up and move without it being obvious that she was doing so because of him when Bella came to her rescue.

"Rose?"

My sister turned toward Bella expectantly, certain that she was about to either ask for more to drink or to use the bathroom.

"Do you think I could get a refill? I'm... we're thirsty."

Pleased with the ready excuse to get away from Jacob's dangling foot and the odor it was emitting, Rose took Bella's emptied cup and darted upstairs. As she made a quick count of how many bags of blood were left, Rose began to wonder if we would have enough to last until Carlisle got back, and if he would be able to bring back enough to see her through the next few days.

God, I was thirsty.

 _So_ thirsty.

It had obtained that point where the fire wasn't limited to my throat, but reached right down into my stomach, making me feel something akin to hunger. I half expected to feel it growl, the way Bella's would - or any other human's, I supposed, but I didn't go about listening to _their_ bodily noises, not if I could help it. I rubbed my stomach, trying to will the ache away. Either I would hunt soon or there would be no reason to, and it wouldn't matter.

It had been bad enough when I could feel an echo of thirst from every vampire in our house, but I'd expected once most of the others had gone, the fire would have diminished. I hadn't expected it to go away altogether; aside from my own needs, Rose's eyes were black too, but it should have gotten somewhat better. Instead, it seemed to be getting worse.

Odd. And irritating. I found that I was rubbing my arms again, absently trying to make sense out of how my usually cold skin seemed to feel warmth that wasn't there.

I couldn't look away from Bella's face. Staring without seeming to see the place where her gaze was fixed, her thoughts appeared to have been pleasing to her, judging by the small smile and light blush that crept across her cheeks.

What I wouldn't have given to peek inside her mind! I would have loved to know what she was thinking of to cause such an expression on her face. I frowned in confusion as she began to hum the disjointed version of her lullaby I'd heard her singing earlier.

Only, that hadn't been her then, and it wasn't her now.

But it certainly seemed to be coming from her. And it _sounded_ like her. Or, at least, it didn't sound like anyone else. It wasn't Jacob, and it wasn't Rose, but there wasn't anyone else within my range. Seth and Leah were patrolling away from our home, and the rest of my family were all satisfying their needs for blood miles away from where I sat.

Bella spoke, but at a level just below where I could understand what she was saying. What I caught was muffled and nonsensical.

But... she _hadn't_ spoken. Her lips hadn't moved. Or had I missed it? Was that even possible?

"Did you say something?"

Bella met my eyes with that familiar look of bewildered confusion at the same time as Jacob turned to stare at me. He was thinking that I should have known no one had spoken, my hearing being as sharp as his.

While they stared at me, my words were repeated back to me. The cadence and clarity of enunciation was similar to someone speaking foreign phrases by rote, without understanding the actual words which made up the language.

Bella's lips _definitely_ weren't moving.

When she did speak, she said, "Me? I didn't say anything." Her lips didn't move after that, but I heard her voice - even muffled, it was _hers_ \- saying the words again, insisting she hadn't said anything.

A thrill shot through me.

I was hearing Bella's voice. In my mind. As though she was speaking. When she clearly wasn't.

Women changed when they became pregnant, in the obvious physical ways yes, but also mentally and emotionally. If Bella's changes were pronounced enough, could they allow me to hear her mind?

Excited, I shifted so that I was kneeling in front of her, rather than sitting. Our faces were inches apart, and as I stared hard into her rich, brown eyes, I focused my gift, trying to hear Bella's thoughts. That intangible part of me reached for Bella, as though it were a hand that could caress her face, but as far as my gift was concerned, no one was even there. Jacob's thoughts grew louder, as did Rosalie's - who was back and watching me with suspicion - but I didn't hear anything else. I could see myself in both Jacob and Rosalie's thoughts, and if I had been looking into anyone else's eyes, I would have seen my own face in their mind. But from Bella, there was nothing, as usual.

Nothing.

Except that, everything had taken on a hazy, reddish tinge. Frustrated and hoping that if I knew what I was listening for, I might be able to latch onto her mind at last, I prompted her, "What are you thinking about right now?"

"Nothing. What's going on?"

Nothing, she'd said, which was what I was currently hearing.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" I pressed. She hadn't been thinking _nothing_ then! Something had prompted her smile and the far-away look.

"Just... Esme's island. And feathers." The blush across her cheeks darkened, and I wanted to laugh with delight. She'd been thinking of me, of our first time together, of the first glorious night we had spent wrapped in each other's arms. I couldn't speak, overwhelmed by the love I felt for her in that moment.

Sitting back just slightly, I tried to find an explanation for how I could hear Bella, yet not hear her. In the silence, Bella's voice came to me again. She seemed to be quite delighted with the words we had just spoken and repeated them to herself slowly, almost playing with the way they sounded.

It was rather... childlike.

Stunned by the implication and barely able to speak, I whispered, "Say something else."

My voice quite clearly stated, _Some thing else!_

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

 _Edward..._ Bella's voice began repeating my name with various inflections, alternating where it was stressed and drawing out the sounds until the fact that it was my name at all was unrecognizable. But Bella's voice was not, especially as she spoke once more, this time in a long string of gibberish. She seemed more interested in sounds that were pleasing to her, rather than words with meaning behind them.

Yet, it _wasn't_ her voice I was hearing, any more than it had been mine a moment earlier. But if it wasn't me, and it wasn't her, and neither was it Jacob nor Rosalie, that only left one mind which I could be hearing.

But... But that was impossible.

The red haze that had begun to color my vision shifted slightly. The color dimmed to burgundy in places, as though there were a shadow blocking the brighter color. As I focused on it, the shading took on a pattern that seemed roughly humanoid. When it moved as I did, I realized that was exactly what it was: a person's shadow. _Mine._

Seemingly of their own accord, my hands reached toward the blurry shadow that mirrored me. They fit themselves into the pattern, as though the shadows they cast directed where my fingers were supposed to go, rather than being caused by their placement against Bella's stomach.

Since she had discovered the bump that was protruding from her belly, when it had still been barely perceptible, I had been unable to touch it directly. I had despised the growing bulge that housed the thing that was going to kill my Bella, the thing that was hurting her while I watched, the thing that was draining her life away. For the first time since that morning nearly two weeks prior, I laid my hands against Bella's stomach, my fingers splayed, their outline clearly visible in my mind. I hadn't seen my face in Bella's mind, but I could see my hands, pressed against her round belly.

Bella's voice echoed in my head, the various words I'd already heard now being chanted almost reverently, but they were still simply sounds, their meaning unimportant. Or, I supposed it would have been more accurate to say the words' meanings were unknown to the speaker, who was simply enjoying the feel of them.

"The f-"

I stopped. It didn't seem right to call anything that enjoyed Bella's voice so much such an impersonal and cold term.

"It..."

That wasn't right either. I swallowed hard, but when I opened my mouth to speak a third time, I knew I had it right.

"The baby likes the sound of your voice."

It was incredible. I'd touched the minds of unborn children before, but it took months for the human brain to develop cognitive abilities. During my courses on pediatrics, I'd been curious and had attempted to hear their babies' thoughts any time I'd come across a pregnant woman, but there hadn't been much there. Unborn children spent most of their time in the womb in a state of hormonally induced somnolence.

Never had I heard anything like the mind I was touching now. It was the child's mind; that much was obvious, but it was so _aware._ At one month old, there was a definite sentience to the mind I was touching.

There had been a few times when I'd thought an unborn child may have been sensing its mother's heartbeat, but my own ears had heard the beats too, so I'd been unsure if I'd truly caught anything. Perhaps a memory of a voice - presumably the mother's - would flow in a newborn's mind, but the sounds weren't recognizable as _words._

This child's were. They may have been slightly muffled due to the fluid in which it floated, but its brain was already developed enough that it was parroting distinct words for the simple pleasure of recalling the sound.

Bella's heart was thumping harder and louder, to my ears and the child's, and I felt that strange pulsing against my skin, an echo of Bella's heartbeat which I shouldn't have been able to feel - but could. Because of him. Or her.

The baby was studying the shape of my hands, their black shadows outlined in red against Bella's stomach. It held a similar image in its mind of shadowy hands which were smaller than mine and seemed to be comparing the two. Deliberately, it stretched out one of its tiny arms - I could see it through the child's eyes - and placed its open palm against mine.


	41. Attitude Adjustment

**41\. Attitude Adjustment**

For the space of three of Bella's heartbeats, there was complete and utter silence in the room. The silence was broken when Bella yelled, _"Holy crow, you can hear him?"_

The baby jerked, alarmed by the sudden loud noise, and its foot impacted the top of Bella's stomach. My hand shifted to where the foot had hit her, and I rubbed the spot lightly, trying to soothe both the child and its mother.

"Shh," I said. "You startled it... him."

Her hand slid to her side, and she whispered, "Sorry, baby."

The child shifted away from me, its face turning toward Bella's body, and the red haze that colored my vision faded as its eyes drifted shut. Snug in its womb, the child within Bella reviewed the past few minutes, the sounds it had heard - Bella's murmured voice as well as her shout, my confused and astonished tones - as well as the image of matching its hand with mine.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella asked breathlessly.

The child replayed her question several times, seeming to savor the sound of Bella's happiness and excitement.

"It... he or she, is..." I looked up to meet her eyes for the first time since I'd realized I was hearing the child within her. The only voices in its mind sounded like those it had heard, so I couldn't be sure if it was a male or a female, but decided to go with Bella's guess of it being a boy. She'd been right about everything else, why not this, too? "He's _happy."_

The child was happy simply to hear Bella's happiness. With no frame of reference to guide him he might not understand the words, but he did understand the emotions conveyed by her voice. Bella's sounds of joy brought the child pleasure, a feeling I happened to share.

No, not _the_ child. _Bella's_ child. No, Bella's _baby._ No, more than that, even. _Our baby._ Our son. Bella's and mine.

For the second time that morning, it hit me that I was going to be a father, but not to the terrifying creature I had previously envisioned. There was no mindless monster growing within the woman I loved. Bella was carrying the baby I had planted within her on our wedding night, on the glorious night when we had first given ourselves to each other in an act of love. How could I have thought something we had created that night would be anything other than incredible?

I was going to be a father!

And our baby was happy simply because his mother was.

Bella's breath caught as her eyes filled with tears. They overflowed and ran down her cheeks unchecked, to drip from the tip of her pointed chin. I didn't want to remove my hands from her round stomach, nor did I feel the need to wipe them away. _Let_ them flow. If my eyes could cry, they surely would have been shedding tears too.

Bella was pregnant with my baby, and she would just have to cry tears of joy for the both of us.

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are." Her hands caressed her belly, weaving circles around my own as she cooed. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy."

"What did you call him?"

The blood in Bella's cheeks swirled under her clear skin. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want... well, you know."

A pang of shame flared within me. No, I wouldn't have wanted to name the hideous creature who was killing my beloved bride. I hadn't wanted to name it, I had wanted to kill it. I had _tried_ to hill him! In the absence of a supportive husband, Bella had done what any mother would have, and gone ahead and named her baby anyway.

"EJ?"

"Your father's name was Edward, too."

Oh, how I knew I would never deserve her. In spite of everything, she had named our baby after _me._ But I was already a Junior, so what could the J stand for?

"Yes, it was. What - "

I stopped speaking as our baby turned toward the sound of my voice and opened his eyes again. He repeated the words I'd said, including the name Bella had given him and the awe I'd felt as I'd said it. He seemed to like hearing that almost as much as he'd enjoyed Bella's happy words of love.

"Hmm," I laughed in amazement.

"What?"

"He likes the sound of my voice, too."

"Of course he does," she said smugly. "You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

Her ecstatic smile of triumph left me speechless. It was the same smile she had given me after our first kiss as husband and wife, a smirk of pride and pleasure, of certainty in a future full of promise and hope and love.

Rosalie leaned over the back of the sofa, and her voice was full of amazement when she said, "Do you have a backup plan? What if he's a she?"

Bella wiped the tears away and nodded. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking... Ruh- _nez_ -may."

"Ruhnezmay?"

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

"No, I like it. It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so _that_ fits."

"I still think he's an Edward." After a moment of silence, Bella pressed me, "What? What's he thinking now?"

I'd only partly been paying them attention, and had tuned out both Rose's and Jacob's minds as I focused on listening to the babe's. Although part of me wanted to join their conversation about naming him, I was more interested in his reaction to their voices than in what they were saying.

Our baby, EJ or Renesmee, liked Rosalie's voice. It had the distinctive ringing tones of our kind, and her words were said with pleasure and relief. But it was Bella's voice he parroted, playing with the sounds that made up the girl name Bella had chosen.

Bella's pulse grew loud again as he focused on the beat. He seemed to like the sound of her heart. So close to the source and surrounded by the blood the muscle was pumping, her heartbeat swaddled the child she carried. He liked it - the steady rhythm that he could hear and feel - almost as much as he seemed to like the sound of her voice.

Her pulse was dancing in my mind, echoed back from the baby's ears, along with another, faster one. Faint but definitely there, the other one was unfamiliar, and could only have one source.

Bella's body jerked with the force of her gasp as I laid my ear against her stomach. So often I had rested my face against her chest with my ear over her heart, and now I listened to the beat of our baby's heart. It was much faster than hers and steady for the most part, only fluttering in reaction to when Bella's stumbled.

It did so now as I pressed my ear against Bella's stomach, and the baby reached out its arms again, running tiny hands over the membrane that separated the two of them. He seemed to want to offer her some kind of reassurance, and I had the feeling that if he had known the words, our baby would have been telling Bella that everything was going to be alright, that _she_ would be alright.

"He loves you," I said in realization. "He absolutely _adores_ you."

At every turn, Bella had been proven to be right. _Still_ I'd doubted her. If ever I needed proof that Bella was an angel, surely her patience with me was evidence enough. I turned my head so that rather than my ear, I could press my lips against her round belly where my son grew.

Bella gasped and her hands left her stomach to clutch at my hair. She used what little strength she had to hug me against her as her shoulders started to shake.

Had there ever been a more stubborn fool than I? Was I so determined to perpetuate my belief in my monstrosity? I'd nearly destroyed the greatest gift a man could be given. I had the unconditional love of a beautiful woman, and she was carrying my child. A son - or daughter - who grew, who lived, who _loved._

I'd been so focused on Bella and the babe within her that I'd completely forgotten we had an audience. The noise of him rising to his feet brought Jacob to my attention once more, only now, his thoughts made me flinch.

I was glad Jasper wasn't home. I was no empath, but Jacob's pain was so evident in his mind, that I cried out in reaction. His pain was too fresh, too familiar.

He still believed as I had, and seeing our happy family together, loving the creature he regarded as a monster had him trembling in pain and fury. No rational words of reassurance would reach him in his current state, and any attempt I made to tell him of what I'd seen and heard were likely to do more harm than good.

Seeing his hands trembling and recognizing the fire that presaged his transformation, my eyes widened. His mind was filled with so much anger as he glared at me, the only thing that seemed to be preventing him from attacking me right now was how close I was to Bella. If he were to attack, she would be the one he harmed.

 _Escape!_ _Any excuse..._

Too well did I understand his need to run away, to leave behind the source of pain and fear. Leaving Bella's side, I bolted to the table where I usually kept my keys and grabbed the first one my fingers touched. I threw it at Jacob, and he caught it without looking.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here."

Seconds later, he was bolting across the lawn. I blinked in horror as he envisioned wrecking my car. Having just survived two weeks in an airport garage, my Aston Martin was sore in need of a good detailing. I hadn't given a thought to checking it for dents or scratches with Bella's condition absorbing my attention, but now I wondered if I would ever see it again.

The door was still shivering slightly in its frame as I strode over to close it. Chiding myself, I decided not to let Jacob's reactions bother me. The car was just a toy. If he wrecked it, I could always buy another. If destroying something of mine made him feel better, so be it.

I returned to kneel in front of Bella. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I began to realize what I should have understood from the start. Bella was going to be a mother; I'd given her a child. As my hands resumed caressing her stomach, the line of stress formed between Bella's eyebrows.

"What was that about?"

"Bella..." I breathed in wonder.

"Edward? Why'd you tell Jacob to leave?"

"You're pregnant," I said as though she wasn't well aware of the fact.

She giggled and nodded. "Yeah, Edward. I know."

"You're pregnant," I repeated in awe as I tried to absorb the truth. "You're going to have my baby, Bella."

More tears leaked from her eyes, but Bella giggled and nodded again. A grin spread across my face at the reaction our baby had to hearing his mother's joy. Her laughter running through our child's mind was delightful, and I was glad for my perfect recall. Days, years, centuries from now, I would be able to bring back the memory of this moment and replay precisely the way it sounded - and the way it felt - to hear Bella's laughter in our unborn baby's mind.

"What's he thinking now?"

I glanced back up to meet her eyes. They were shedding tears without pause, and she absently wiped them away. The love shining from them floored me; that she should still feel as she did after what I had tried to do seemed impossible. Her capacity for forgiveness exceeded even Carlisle's. I reached up to curl my hand around her wet cheek.

"He's thinking he'd like to hear you laugh again. He liked that a lot."

So did I.

And then she was laughing - somehow crying harder at the same time - and I was laughing, and Rosalie was laughing, and the babe within Bella laughed along with us in the only way he knew how. He mentally repeated our happy sounds and wiggled with pleasure, stretching his legs out and snuggling himself against her.

 _"Mm!"_ Bella put a hand over where mine had already flown. "Ah, oh."

He recoiled in displeasure from the strain in her tone.

"It's alright," I said soothingly. "You just need to be gentle. Your mother is breakable."

"Edward," Bella breathed. "Can he understand you?"

"No. And, yes. Sort of." My hands smoothed her shirt tight across her stomach, snugging it so I could better see the shape of her belly. It was perfectly round, and much more solid than I thought it should have felt.

"How? What do you mean?"

I met her eyes again briefly before returning my gaze to the miracle of her stomach swelling with my child. _Our_ child. I shrugged and shook my head. "It's... strange. He's so... aware."

Her streaming eyes were huge and filled with wonder and excitement. She watched me without speaking as I closed my eyes and focused on our baby's mind, straining to catch the most fleeting of thoughts.

"He's aware?" Rose pressed me. "As in..." _...he can talk to you like this?_

"No, not like that; he doesn't understand our words enough to use them, but thoughts are more than words people speak. And his are..." I tried to name the impressions I was getting. Eventually, I simply said, "Good."

"Good." Bella marveled before stating firmly, "Like his namesakes."

My eyes flashed up to hers. She was smirking around the tears that had slowed, but not stopped. Name _sakes_ , she'd said. Meaning he wasn't named only after me. "EJ? Edward...?"

"Jacob, of course."

I laughed and shook my head. Why had I even needed to ask? "Of course."

"Um, speaking of... Why did you tell Jacob to leave? What happened?"

"It was better that he leave," I said shortly. When she continued to frown at me, I sighed and elaborated, "It wasn't good for him to stay. Watching this hasn't been easy for him."

She laid her land on my cheek. "Or you?"

I didn't answer and caressed her stomach. No, it hadn't been easy.

Whatever his disposition, the baby was not good for Bella. Even if I had known from the start that EJ would be intelligent and good, the danger caused by his presence within her was very real. I swallowed hard as a vivid image of our son growing desperate enough to free himself from Bella's body formed in my mind. As happy as he was now, snug and warm, he was already cramped and growing quickly. He would feel the need to be born soon.

If EJ was aware enough that he loved Bella, he would know what he was doing to her in delivering himself. And what would that do to _him?_

"Bella, you have to let Carlisle take the baby."

 _"What?_ No!" Bella snatched her hand away from my face and placed it between mine on her stomach at the same time that Rose yelled my name. Their exclamations startled little EJ, and he jumped, making Bella wince.

"Shh," I laughed and rubbed the spot he'd impacted.

Bella whispered my name and shook her head in disbelief.

"Bella, love, listen to me, please."

"No! You - you've already made your arguments, and I am not about to - "

I placed a finger over her lips. "You misunderstand me. You aren't going to be able to deliver in a human way. Carlisle has explained to you what Jasper and Emmett found."

She pulled her head away from my finger. "Yeah. And when he's ready, Carlisle will help him deliver himself while _you_ change me."

"That plan is dangerous, Bella."

"It's the best one. It's the one that means we'll both be fine."

"I disagree. No, wait." I held out my hands to both of them as they started to argue with me. Making my voice as calm and rational-sounding as possible, I said, "Human women have planned cesarean deliveries every day."

"When their babies are _viable,"_ Rose snapped. "Not when they aren't even a month old!"

"But this isn't a human baby. Can't you hear his heart, Rose? A month old or not, he's self-aware, and fully physically developed already. The only thing he is really going to do now is get bigger and stronger. Why wait? To what end?"

They exchanged glances.

"Bella, please." I took her hand in mine and held it against her stomach while my other hand cupped her face. "Our baby loves you; don't you think he would prefer to be born in a way that does not put you - either of you - in danger?"

With a wary look in her eyes, she slowly asked, "What, exactly, are you suggesting?"

"As soon as Carlisle gets back, I would like to take you straight into surgery. He'll give you anesthetics so you won't feel anything. Rose will be with you the whole time, and as soon as he's delivered, she can take EJ to care for until you are able. We can even let you hold him first while Carlisle gets you cleaned up."

"And then?"

"I - I had an idea. Your heart has been struggling, love, and I thought, if there was a way to get the venom into the muscle directly... well, that you had a better chance of surviving his birth." The wariness on her face was replaced with confusion as I spoke. "I've already prepared a syringe with my venom."

 _...what you two were up to... knew it was something! ...hope you're planning on cleaning up the mess that's made by now..._

I chuckled. "No, Rose. Our venom is not corrosive to _all_ materials. It will still be ready when Bella is."

"You're not going to bite me?" Bella demanded as her jaw dropped open.

"I... would rather not."

She made a face and slumped slightly.

"I can inject my venom directly into your heart and initiate your change as soon as he's born." When she didn't answer, I said, "It will be my venom, and I will be the one to give it to you. Does it matter all that much how?"

"I guess not." Bella pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she studied me. "It matters to you though, doesn't it?"

I had already tasted Bella's blood once, and while I couldn't deny the part of me which yearned for another taste of it and the pleasure it would bring, I did not look forward to spending the rest of eternity seeing scars that had been left by my teeth.

"I would prefer not to mar your perfect skin. If the venom in the syringe works, I won't have to. But if it doesn't... If, for whatever reason, the venom _must_ be delivered by bite, then I won't hesitate. Either way you'll be a vampire in three days if you just, _please,_ allow us to deliver the baby today."

Bella breathed as heavily as her broken ribs and swollen stomach would allow and pressed her lips together. I was afraid that she was about to refuse, but instead, she nodded once, firmly. "Rose? What do you think?"

To my shock, Rosalie instantly agreed. "I think it'll work. I say we do it Edward's way."

"Yeah, alright. Okay. When Carlisle gets home, we'll do what you said. Do you hear that, baby? You ready to be born today?" She was rubbing circles over her belly while she spoke the last words, laughing and crying all at the same time.

I laughed along with her - in relief. The pregnancy was almost over. Our son would be born today, as soon as my father returned home. Bella had lasted this long, surely a few more hours would not change anything.

My arms wound around her as I kissed her belly and listened to the incredible sound of Bella's laughter dancing in our baby's mind.


	42. The Truth Hurts

**42\. The Truth Hurts**

 _Leah, don't!_

 _Stay outta this, Seth. Something's wrong, and I'm gonna find out what._

 _...looked right at you. Don't you think if Jacob needed our help -_

 _'Cause he so clearly wants our help._

 _Which you're plannin' on giving him by...?_

 _...I dunno... have to find out what made him leave like that first._

 _...just under a lotta stress right now, ya know?_

 _Uh-huh. 'Cause of_ _**her.**_

 _...isn't Bella's fault._

Leah sneezed derisively and continued trotting through the forest with her brother by her side.

 _...thought you told Jake you understood._

 _...do... it's just... it's cruel - what she's doing to him._

 _It's his choice._

 _You sure about that?_

 _...well..._ _ **I**_ _choose to be here._

 _I know, kid. And... so do I._

 _And you knew what you were signing up for when you came here._

 _...doesn't mean I have to like it. Or them._ _Any_ _of 'em._

 _...actually really nice, if you'd just give them a chance._

 _...oh, they're the **nice** vampires. Uh-huh._

 _...not gonna do any good just waiting out here. Let's run! We should keep up the patrol, 'specially with Jacob gone. Someone in Sam's pack might've seen him leave._

 _One of 'em's a mind reader._

 _What're you gonna do then, eh? Pace the edge of their lawn and hope Edward'll be willing to leave Bella's side long enough to tell you why Jacob drove off like he'd stolen that sweet, sweet ride..._

 _Wipe the drool off your muzzle, baby brother. Or better yet, I bet they've got a garage full of others just like it. Go ask if you can take one for a spin. You know... after you're old enough to drive, that is._

 _Ouch! That was a low blow, sis. Seriously, I'm dying over here._

 _You're all buddy-buddy with the leeches._ _ **You**_ _go ask what happened._

 _Nuh-uh! If there was a problem, Jacob would never've taken off like that. I'm not going in there accusing them of ... of... whatever it is you think happened._

 _Fine, then. If you won't, I will._

Annoyed that she was ruining our moment with her negativity, I watched through Seth's eyes as his sister paced just within the tree line until she turned decisively and ran away from our home to where she'd stashed her clothes. Within moments, she'd phased and dressed and was stalking across the open lawn. The only thing I really caught in her mind was an image of Jacob's face as he sped away in my car.

 _Edward? Hey, Edward... man... this is so weird, tryin' to talk to someone who's not here. Guess he'll hear me, though. He did before... Head's up, Edward! My sister's on her way in... 'course you prob'ly heard all that already too... I'm gonna catch hell when she reads this from my mind later, but... Leah may have rough edges, but don't take it personal, 'kay? We're all worried here... Leah too_

An image of Bella from just before she started drinking blood flashed in Seth's mind as he spun and sprinted away from our house to resume his patrol of their established perimeter.

"Perfect," I muttered as I stood and strode toward the door.

"What's going on?"

"Leah's coming to talk to us."

"Really?" Bella seemed more surprised than apprehensive as she looked through the wide windows.

Barefoot like Jacob, but wearing the slightly dirty shorts and shirt she'd been wearing the day she'd decided to leave Sam's pack, the wolf girl showed no signs of hesitation as she mounted the steps of our porch. I opened the door, only moving out of the way when it became apparent that she would as soon bowl me over as wait for me to invite her in.

Her lips curled as she strode past me, shocking me with her intent to speak with Bella, rather than myself. As angry as she looked, I wasn't sure I wanted her anywhere near my beloved, who had been crying tears of joy in my arms only moments ago. She was wiping the back of her hand across her eyes as she gave Leah a tentative smile.

I gasped and darted around her to stand between them when I realized she didn't want to talk with Bella; she wanted to _yell_ at her. Leah didn't bother to look at me, only leaned to one side so she could glare around me at Bella.

Without preamble, she demanded, "What did you do?"

"Huh?"

"What did you do to Jacob?" Leah drew out the syllables, making the question more of an insult, but Bella flashed her brilliant smile and fixed her shining eyes on me, so I answered for her.

"Bella didn't do anything. Jacob left because I heard our child's mind."

"You - What?"

Bella aimed her smile at her belly. One hand moved to rest atop it while the other slid down to cradle it - _him._ "Edward heard our son's thoughts. I guess it upset Jake, but when he comes back, he'll see - "

"What is _wrong_ with you?"

Bella's happy smile faded, but there had already been tears in her eyes.

"I don't think I have ever met a more self-centered, callous, and heartless person than you, Bella _Cullen."_

In shock that the wolf girl would have the nerve to come into our home to insult a member of our family, Rose's jaw dropped as she stared wordlessly at Leah.

I wasn't wordless, however, and snarled, "How _dare_ you?"

Leah jabbed a finger at my face. "You don't see it 'cause she's got you all wrapped around her fingers too, but she's hell-bent on breaking the heart of every person she's ever claimed to care about."

"Alright, that is enough. I think you need to leave. Now."

She snorted and returned to vilifying Bella.

"It was no secret when you started coming over to Jacob's house almost every single day after they left town. It was bad enough seeing the way you were pining over this - " She gestured at me and looked me up and down with a sneer before taking a deep breath and continuing her rant. "But then I got a ringside seat to Jacob doing the same damn thing when you dumped him the second the leeches came back."

Bella shook her head in denial. "Jacob knew we were just - "

"Just friends? Really. Cuddling on his couch? Holding hands and strolling along the beach? Sure. Okay."

"You've read his mind. You have to know I told him I didn't want more than that. And I didn't dump him. He was the one avoiding me when Edward returned."

"I've seen those memories, yeah. I've also seen the ones where you kissed Jacob and told him you loved him. And the ones when you told him he wasn't good enough, that you were still marrying your bloodsucker. And I've seen what it does to him knowing you're killing yourself for your mutant spawn - "

My sister recovered from her shock long enough to say, "Now, wait just a minute - " but Leah kept talking as though Rose hadn't.

" - but still you ask him to come watch it happening. Worse, you ask him to snuggle with you in front of your _husband._ What the Hell is that?"

"Bella's cold," I said at the same time that Bella cried, "It's not like that!"

"This house has electricity, doesn't it? A heating and cooling system? Blankets?"

"Of course. And we've been using them." I gestured stiffly to the pile of blankets beside the couch.

"Now, get out before one of us throws you out," Rose snapped.

Leah raised her chin and eyed my sister steadily. I could have fathomed her thoughts even without my gift as she dared us to try. She shifted her attention back to Bella when no one moved.

"I know firsthand how love makes you stupid. And you can be in love with more than one person at a time, which makes you even dumber, but when a choice has to be made, someone's bound to be hurt. I get that. What I don't get is how you think you can treat Jacob like a plaything you can just use and then toss aside once you have what you need from him."

"I would never do that," Bella breathed. "I _love_ Jacob. Maybe not the way he wants, but I need him in my life. It's not right without him."

A frown crossed Leah's face as she rocked back on her heels. "I wonder if you even know what love is. You say you love this tick you've married too, but you have a funny way of showing it. I would never treat anyone that loved me the way you treat him. Scratch that. I would never treat _anyone_ that way."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I growled as Bella turned worried eyes on me.

"Don't I?" She deliberately flashed an image of my face that must have been from Jacob's memories. I looked like Jane was smiling at me, though I was simply sitting beside Bella on the couch.

"That's not Bella's fault," I muttered. "She's right to want to keep our child. You can't hold her responsible for me not believing in her."

"In denial much?" Leah scoffed. "Sam had no choice except to leave me when he imprinted on Emily, but knowing the truth about their relationship doesn't make it any easier when I see the man I love with the woman _he_ loves. Will it matter what you may have heard your spawn thinking the next time you watch Bella holding Jacob's hand and telling him she loves him? And do you think hearing her say so makes it any easier for him to see her killing herself for your kid?"

I struggled to find a response that wouldn't hurt Bella more than Leah's questions already were.

When I didn't answer, Leah pressed her advantage. "Forget what you're doing to your bloodsucker or even Jacob. Have you given any thought to what you're putting Charlie through, Bella? You weren't there for my father's funeral, but Charlie said he lost a brother when Dad died. That was only months ago, but you've just gone ahead and kept planning your own funeral as though it won't kill your father to lose you."

"I'm not going to die! Edward will change me first."

"It amounts to the same thing. Even without _this."_ She gestured at Bella's round belly. "Dartmouth was the plan, wasn't it? Phone calls and emails until one day you'd just stop answering? Your father's a cop, Bella. You think he would ever have stopped searching for you? No? Then were you planning on faking your death instead? Huh. How considerate. That would've given him a nice sense of closure, I'm sure. I guess since he already thinks you're sick from some mysterious illness so deadly he can't even visit you, the news that you died from this disease might be a little easier for him to take."

"I can't exactly tell him the truth. He can't know that vampires exist."

 _"Of course not!_ He'd never have let you marry one if he knew what the Cullens really are."

"That's not what I meant. It'd be dangerous for him to know. Didn't Jake tell you about Italy?"

An involuntary shudder rippled through Leah's frame.

"The Volturi would kill Charlie if we told him the truth."

"And that right there isn't reason enough to stay away from an entire species full of nothing but killers? Oh, no. _You_ want to run off and join them. _Become_ one of them! It's sick."

"The Cullens don't kill people!"

Leah met my eyes. "Never? None of you have ever murdered a human? Not even once?"

I pressed my lips together, unwilling to answer.

"That's what I thought."

"He only hunted bad people," Bella said quietly. "He took people's lives, yeah, but he saved a lot more in the process. You might not like him, but Edward is a good man."

"Yeah, see, that's what a psychopath would say, Bella. They may think they're doing the world a favor when they kill someone they consider to be bad, but that doesn't make _them_ good."

"You're right," I said, "but I realized that fact long ago, and have hunted only animals ever since."

"Ha! You think that matters?"

"I know it doesn't."

She shook her head at me as her mouth twisted with disgust before turning once more to Bella. "What you do with your life isn't my business. You wanna be a vampire? Go ahead. But don't try and deny the fact that you're ruining more lives than just your own. There are people out there who love you, and you're turning your back on them. Don't you have friends from school? And Renee, have you thought about her? And what about Charlie? Do you even care that he'll miss you?"

"Of course I care!"

"But just like Jacob, it's not good enough for you. Their feelings aren't important so long as you get what you want."

"You're right, Leah," Bella said as Leah finally paused for a breath. "Dartmouth _was_ the plan. Edward and I were going to go right after our honeymoon, even if we only attended for a semester or two. We weren't expecting..." A blush spread across her cheeks as she rubbed her belly. "I know I might not be able to see Charlie again after Edward changes me, but kids grow up and move away from their parents, and childhood friends grow apart. It happens. Charlie knows I don't like Forks; he never expected me to stay. And Renee, she's got Phil. They'll be just fine without me."

"Are you even listening to yourself? Going off to college or moving away is not the same thing as a kid cutting their parents out of their lives entirely. Families love each other; they may be apart, but as long as they're alive, they know they'll be together again."

"Bella no longer has that option!" I was trying to contain my temper, for Bella's sake as well as the baby's - who could hear our angry tones and was displeased - but my patience had long since worn thin. "The Volturi will not allow a human to know of us and live. They already know that she knows. She has to change soon; her only other choice is death."

Leah raised a shoulder. "I already said: go ahead and change her for all I care."

"Then what the Hell is your problem?"

"My problem is the way she keeps stringing Jacob along. Choices may be hard, but it's worse on everyone when you refuse to make one. You want your bloodsucker, Bella? Fine. But leave Jacob out of it."

"That mutt butted in on his own," Rosalie snapped. "No one asked him to come barging in here."

 _"That mutt_ has been out there protecting you bloodsuckers! If it wasn't for him, you'd all be scattered ashes by now."

"We know that," I said. "Believe me, no one is more grateful to Jacob Black than I. For your sacrifices as well."

"Spare me your gratitude, tick. We're not here for your benefit."

"I know why you're here. Now, you've said what you came to say; perhaps you should get back to your brother."

"He's alright." Her head turned reflexively toward the forest where Seth was prowling before she focused on Bella again. "And after this is over, he'll continue to be fine, whatever happens to you and your kid. It's Jacob who'll be falling apart, and it'll be me picking up the pieces. You've got a few more days left, yeah? Try not to stomp on his heart any more than you already have. He might need it someday."

The tears were streaming freely down Bella's face again, only now her lips were twisted with anguish. A growl rumbled in my chest as I fought the urge to propel the wolf girl bodily from my house for having the audacity to say such things to the woman I loved. Perhaps she saw the desire on my face to do exactly that, or perhaps she simply felt she had achieved her goal in making Bella cry, but Leah shot a round of scathing glares at us before striding from my house.

Her werewolf instincts were fighting against exposing her back to her enemies, but she walked across the lawn with even steps and her head held high. The trembles in her hands as she prepared to phase were the only outward indication that she felt any stress from the confrontation at all. Before she had disappeared into the tree line, I had Bella in my arms again. Her shoulders were shaking as she fought against the cries.

"Shh."

"No, she's right," Bella sobbed. "I _am_ awful for what I'm doing to Jacob and Charlie and especially y-"

I put my hand over her mouth. "You're _not."_

"Yeah, Bella, don't listen to that b- "

"Rose!" I hissed.

"She's a female wolf. The term is appropriate."

My hand moved from her mouth to cup Bella's cheek and began wiping the tears away with my thumb. "Bella, Jacob loves you."

"I know," she moaned.

"He made the choice to leave his pack. You're not to blame."

"B-but I _am_ to blame! He's here because of me, because I keep asking him to come back, because - _ohh."_

Her hand rubbed her side as the baby pressed hard against her.

"Shush, now. You're upsetting EJ." To my relief, she laughed around the tears, though they didn't stop. "Jacob came here on his own. He left his pack because he - _rightly_ \- disagreed with their plan to murder you."

"That doesn't make me right; just him."

"What kind of silly logic is that? Jacob, Seth, and Leah are here because they want to be. Yes, even Leah. If it weren't for the fact that she's protecting vampires, she'd be well pleased with events."

"How can you say that? I'd say she was more like pissed off than pleased."

I took a deep breath as I considered my words carefully. Leah had hurt her plenty already, and I had no wish to add to her pain, but any consolation I gave was likely to make things worse. Many of the accusations Leah had made had already been spoken by me, albeit not nearly as rudely. I had not been above using Charlie and Renee or Bella's friends - human and werewolf alike - in my fight to keep Bella human. She wouldn't believe me now if I were to say any different.

Finally, I said, "Leah is pleased for her sake."

Bella mumbled so low a human might not have heard, "Because now she doesn't have to watch Sam with Emily? Like you watch me and Jacob together? Leah won _her_ freedom, but I can't let you go. Or him."

"Sweetheart, you did let Jacob go. You've told him to leave on more than one occasion. You're not responsible for the fact that he keeps coming back."

She chuckled humorlessly as her eyes searched my face. "Isn't that what they say you should do if you love someone? Set them free?"

"And if they fly to Italy to save you from getting burned to death for being the world's most stubborn fool, they're yours forever?"

Bella laughed around her tears again, but shook her head. "I don't think that's quite how the saying goes, but yeah. Basically."

Unable to resist giving her another option at least once more, I said, "Bella... You and Jacob love each other; everyone knows it. Even now I would understand if - "

"Ugh! Stop it! I love _you,_ Edward Cullen. When are you going to get that? I mean, don't you love Alice? And Rosalie?"

Rose and I eyed each other, but our slight smiles belied the glares we were exchanging. "I suppose, if I have to, I guess I do," I drawled.

Rose put a hand on her chest with a gasp. "Why, Edward! Such excessive displays of brotherly affection! I'm flattered."

I snorted. "But that's the point, Bella. Rose is my sister. You and Jacob are not related. Your love isn't the same."

"You and Rosalie aren't really related either. You're family by choice. Can't you accept that I feel that way, too? I love Jacob like a _brother._ Wasn't marrying you enough to convince you that you're the one I want to be with?" She rubbed her belly where our child was growing. "Besides, this pregnancy is a one-way trip. I knew that from the start. And once I'm a vampire, he'll hate me, so how I feel won't really matter anymore."

"Bones heal. Weight can be regained. The damage to your heart may not be permanent. You don't have to... If the surgery is uncomplicated, there's no reason why you couldn't stay hu-"

"Oh, no, you _don't!_ You're changing me today, as soon as Carlisle gets back, and then you'll never be able to get rid of me."

A smile tugged at my lips, and I stopped arguing as I placed a hand in our child's line of sight. He was upset over Leah's angry tones and Bella's voice was watery with her tears, so her laughter didn't soothe him as it otherwise might have. I hoped seeing my hand would help as he'd seemed to like that earlier.

Bella's voice hitched as she insisted, "But Leah is still right. I don't want to hurt Charlie, and I know he's been going crazy over the past couple of weeks. That's not going to get better until he can see me again, and who knows how long that will be, if ever. And Jacob." She gulped and held her breath against whatever she had been about to say.

"Jacob will be fine. The wolves get too caught up in their legends, but there are things their stories don't cover. Leah is living proof of that. In truth, they know very little about themselves, and even less about vampires. You... will _always_ be my Bella, and when this is over and Jacob sees that you are still you... Well, he'll still be in love with you, but I guess I can hardly blame him for that. Not when you are the most amazing and beautiful woman he'll ever meet."

Her lips kept trembling, but the corners turned up, and she looked at me with love in her eyes.

"Breathe, Bella." I chuckled when her heart reacted to the lack of oxygen.

 _Ugh. Get a room... never thought I'd miss melodramatic Edward, but all these sappy declarations of love are getting to me. If he starts spouting poetry, I swear I'm gonna be sick._

"You know what, Rose? That's a good idea."

"Wait, what?"

I ignored my sister's look of astonishment as I gathered Bella into my arms, rose carefully to my feet, and turned toward the stairs.

"What do you - where do you think you're going?" she sputtered as Bella exclaimed, "Edward, put me down!"

"You haven't slept well in days, and you're exhausted. I think you could use a nice nap in a real bed. What do you say?"

Bella laughed and laid her wet cheek against my chest. "That sounds fabulous."

After using my foot to shut the door firmly behind us, I laid her down on the wrought iron bed we had shared only a few times. "Cold? Would you like the blankets?"

She shook her head and reached for me. I gingerly slid onto the bed beside her, but it was awkward with her stomach there, and she was so tender, I was afraid to move about too much. After a bit of shuffling, some hissing and wincing from Bella and muttered apologies from me, she ended up laying on one side with her back pressed snugly against my stomach.

Our very first night together, we had lain like this, with her strawberry scented hair in my face and her warmth pressed against me. I sighed in relief and curled myself around to touch as much of her as was possible.

There had been times since that night we'd first spent together when I'd imagined us as we were now. A pointless fantasy, I had thought at the time, but one I could never fully rid myself of. I had cursed the fact that I was not a human man and could never have this: my wife, Bella, her stomach swelling with my child, laying in my arms, in my bed. As I rubbed my hand over the perfectly round shape, I marveled. My child was growing in there!

I tried to imagine what he would look like. Though I had never heard Bella's mind, the child's mental voice sounded like her - perhaps because he'd spent all of his life feeling and eventually hearing her speaking.

He would look like her, too, I decided. Not pale like his father, but rosy and brown. Considering how much blood Bella had been consuming for his sake, the child would probably be born with red eyes, but if he could be convinced to drink animal blood, his eyes would turn gold quickly.

Just like his mother's would.

Rose had followed me upstairs, but she headed for the room which housed all the medical supplies. She sniffed the air before striding directly to the drawer where I'd stashed the syringe. She opened it, but didn't touch the gleaming metal cylinder within. Rosalie almost absently fingered the crescents that showed to any vampire's eyes where Carlisle had bitten her, while she visualized my proposal of injecting venom directly into Bella's heart.

I flinched when she began to recall everything she could about the start of her transformation.

My memories were similar, and I didn't relish visiting them again, especially knowing that Bella was about to go through the same thing within hours. Much of it was forever seared into my mind. For the beginning though, when I'd still been mostly human, my memories were less clear, perhaps due to my long illness. Rosalie had no such trouble, and her memories were hard to block.

She remembered the way the fires had started where she'd been bitten, although only after she had woken and seen the scars did she equate the mark with the pain. There had been so many other pains the night of her change that, at first, the new fire hadn't registered. Once it did, it had negated all the rest. She had followed its slow progression through her veins as it spread from her neck and wrists to eventually arrive where all veins led: her heart.

From there, it had spread _everywhere_.

Rose closed the drawer without disturbing its contents and, after glancing only briefly in the direction of my closed door, returned downstairs to wait.


	43. Homecoming

**43\. Homecoming**

Bella took slow, shaky breaths. Her shoulders were rigid, her fingers pressed into the tender flesh of her upper arm, and if her belly had not been swollen with child, her knees would probably have been right under her pointed chin. As it was, she had curled into as tight a ball as she could manage.

"Love, don't you give anything Leah said one more thought."

She shook her head and stopped breathing. Already tense, her body started to tremble from the strain of holding back her tears.

Damn that miserable wolf girl!

It was not good for Bella to be so upset. She was under enough stress as it was; she hadn't needed to be insulted on top of everything else. I was going to have words with Jacob about Leah when he returned! As he would, of course. And when Bella saw Jacob, it would only drive home Leah's accusations.

Yet still, I had no doubt that she would flash him that wide, beautiful smile... while insisting to everyone that it was _me_ she wanted.

I shook my head in confusion, but then smirked and decided to reinforce that want. There was no way we could be intimate, but there was more than one way to express love. Slowly, so as not to jar her, I shifted onto my elbow and slid my hand from her stomach to her shoulder before letting my fingers graze down her arm.

Bella shivered and started breathing again, encouraging me to keep going.

My fingers slid back up to her shoulder so I could move her silky hair to the side, and then prised her fingers carefully away from her arm so I could link mine through hers. The tantalizing curve of her throat was exposed, and I pressed my lips along her hairline. There was a sudden surge in the strength of her scent as I began to kiss down her arm. My fingers slipped from hers so that I could reach farther and graze my hand down her hip and thigh. I barely dared to touch her, but now that I had started, I couldn't stop memorizing her new shape.

"Edward," Bella breathed.

"Yes?" I moved back up to nuzzle my favorite soft spot under her ear.

"That's..."

"Mmm?" My lips traced the round corner of her jaw, coming close to, but not quite reaching her mouth. The taste of her lips would have swept away the last of my self-restraint. The skin of her throat was tantalizing enough as it was. I made my way back to the tip of her shoulder.

"Really... really... mean."

I laughed as she started to giggle.

"I'm sorry, love," I whispered into her ear. "You're upset. I was only trying to distract you."

"Well, it's working, but I can't do anything about it right now!" She turned her head to pout at me, but her eyes were dancing with laughter.

I brushed my fingers against her cheek, wiping a few tears away in the process. It had been so long since she had lain in my arms like this, and I wondered if she could have missed my touch half as much as I had missed hers. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her as close to me as I dared. "God, Bella, I've missed you so much!"

She rocked her hips lightly, pressing her backside against me, and said, "I can tell."

"Now who's being mean?" I groaned into her hair.

We laughed quietly, as though we were back on her small bed with Charlie in the next room.

I hoped our baby would fall back asleep, but his displeasure from Leah's angry voice had yet to fade, and our whispered words were frustrating him. He pushed out with his feet, and Bella tensed against the mounting pressure. She sighed with relief when he pulled his legs back to himself, but grunted as he then began to fidget.

"Bella, say something."

"Like what?" Her voice was tense as she held her breath against reacting to EJ's movements within her.

"You need to let him know when you hurt."

"Huh?"

"How will he know he needs to be careful if he doesn't understand that his movements are hurting you?"

She frowned, but didn't argue. Her lower lip poked out, and I tried to guess where her mysterious mind had taken her.

Finally my curiosity won, and I voiced the question I had asked so many times before. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm trying to wrap my head around how he can understand anything at this point."

"Oh. Well, he has no frame of reference, so our words mean very little, but he loves the sounds you make. Your body is extremely noisy."

My teasing tone elicited a laugh, which he liked almost as much as I did. He squirmed, but this time, when his movements inadvertently hurt her, instead of holding back her cry, she let it out and pressed against the pain. He pulled his limbs back to himself as much as he was able, and Bella sighed in relief as she rubbed circles over the spot.

Moving inhumanly slowly, I scooted down to lay my head in the hollow of her waist so that I could listen to the sounds of her body along with him. I supported myself on one elbow and wrapped the other arm around her legs. My head was so close to his, separated by only a few thin membranes. My eyes closed as I concentrated on listening to Bella's body through the filter of our baby's thoughts.

Her breathing returned to its normal steady - if shallow - pace, her pulse was slow and irregular, and her belly made strange pops and squeaks as her digestive system performed its functions. Along with hers, I could hear the thrumming of his tiny heart, so much faster than a human baby's would have been beating. But it _was_ beating! Our baby's heart beat!

In the absence of any other sounds, their heartbeats and her breathing were loud to my ears, but their rhythms didn't match. Bella's irregular pulse threw off what could have been an interesting pattern. Quite different from the steady pace which I had listened to for so many nights, her arrhythmia created a sense of rising anxiety in me as I subconsciously tried to will the two pulses into synchrony.

"Your heartbeat is pleasing to him, but he especially likes the sound of your voice," I prompted, hoping she would speak for his sake and mine. He hadn't liked her cry of pain, and hung in motionless uncertainty.

The unexpected pleasure of her fingers running through my hair made me gasp. Only slightly warmer than the air in the room, they still seemed hot against my skin. My eyes rolled back in my head as her fingers left tingling trails of warmth over my scalp. Her stomach was hotter where I had my cheek pressed against it, but there was something special in the magic of her willing touch. I sighed, content for the first time since I'd left her to hunt in the jungles of Rio.

A low groan escaped me as I wished I hadn't thought of hunting. Now I was aware of a different kind of warmth, one which burned instead of soothed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry?" I scoffed. "Whatever for?"

"Just, everything. All this."

"Do you mean you're sorry for giving me more than I could ever have dreamed, or for being willing to put up with me while you do it?" I smiled as I looked up to meet her eyes, but she shook her head and frowned. "This is about what Leah said, isn't it?" I didn't need to wait for her to answer and growled in fury, "She had no business saying any of that to you!"

"You don't mean that. It's not like you haven't said the same things before. Charlie, my friends, all the human stuff you keep telling me I'll miss."

"Like having children?"

"Well..."

"And you already have a plan for keeping Charlie in your life."

"If it works."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"What about Dartmouth?"

"Have you forgotten where we met? So our college plans will be delayed for a little while. We will go someday."

She frowned at me in silence as I traced patterns on her stomach. EJ watched curiously, but the image he held in his mind was of fingers which were much finer than mine. When I plucked her hand from where it rested on the bed beside her and placed it where mine had been, he instantly cheered and reached for the shadows her fingers made.

"Alright, what gives? I don't need you telling me what you think I wanna hear, so cut it out."

"Do you think we will never go to school again? Wouldn't that be nice. Teenagers can be _so_ irritating."

"The last time I checked, you were still seventeen."

"No, ma'am. I am one hundred and five, thank you very much."

"Well, I'm eighteen."

"I know," I said smugly.

"Um... did you just call me irritating?"

I answered with only a chuckle.

"Edward!"

EJ jumped at her playful exclamation, but when Bella made an inarticulate noise from the unexpected pain, he started rubbing the spot he had bumped even before her hand made it there.

"Sorry, baby," she cooed. "I forgot you can hear me."

He could, though, and was soothed by her voice and the shadow of her hands.

After a short pause, she teased, "So, I'm irritating, huh?"

"Love, you have no idea how frustrating it is not to be able to read your mind."

"Well, that's not my fault."

"Perhaps not, but knowing what you're thinking would be a relief."

"You know, the rest of us can't read anyone's minds, and we get by alright."

I snorted. "I don't know how. Just when I think I've got you figured out, you surprise me."

Bella giggled. "See? And you wondered why I hate surprises."

"Mmm, no. I love your surprises. Between mine and Alice's gifts, being surprised by anything makes for a nice change. Too much predictability makes life stale."

"If you could read my mind, you do realize I wouldn't be able to surprise you anymore, either."

"Oh, I have no doubt that _you,"_ I touched a finger to the tip of her pert nose, "would still find a way."

She spent several quiet minutes combing her fingers through my hair and watching my eyes before saying, "You weren't so optimistic before."

"Isabella Cullen, I get to spend the rest of eternity married to mother of my child, and I intend to spend every second of every day trying to make you as happy as that makes me."

"Every second?"

"Well, I suppose we'll have to stop and hunt at some point."

As we laughed, I was pleased to see that her tears had finally stopped, and her eyes were drooping as she blinked sleepily. I didn't look away from her face, but my mind focused on our child's. Our laughter had pleased him, but rather than wiggle or stretch, he sought the shape of her hands so that he might touch them. I relinquished the one I had reclaimed - the other was still combing my hair - and pressed it against her stomach so he could see it again.

"What?"

"You have beautiful hands."

She gave me a strange look before frowning at where I had placed her hand. "Is that your opinion, or his?"

I shrugged. "We're in agreement." I lightly stroked a finger down the back of each one of hers while he patted her palm.

A wolf-howl pierced the relative silence of the morning. My head snapped in the direction of the windows as I reached out for Seth's thoughts. He was out of my range, but his sister wasn't, and I heard his thoughts through hers.

 _...coming in fast! Two of 'em, I think..._

 _Get back here, now!_

Leah was already on her way to meet him, but even as fast as she was, they would get to him first.

Bella gasped and her eyes grew wide as she recognized what Seth's howl meant. "Who?"

Seth relaxed as he caught a whiff of the now-familiar burn, and Leah slowed her headlong sprint in his direction. Seconds later, my siblings came to a halt in front of the sandy-colored wolf. Jasper gave him a curt nod, while Alice leaned around him to give Seth a grin.

 _"I'm so glad you howled! I've been trying to find a way around you for the past half-hour."_

 _"If you had listened to me - "_ Jasper began.

 _"Yes, yes, it wouldn't have taken nearly that_ _long."_ Alice stuck her tongue out at my brother before giving Seth a stern glare. _"But_ _ **you**_ _aren't supposed to be out this far!"_

Seth gave her a wolfish grin in response and started chuffing as he joined them in their run home. It was a relief to have my family back, to know that they were safe. I may have protested to Bella that there was no danger, but God knew I had been wrong often enough lately.

And perhaps I was again. _Why was Carlisle not home? Where were the others?_

I gave Bella a reassuring smile and slid off the bed, trying to move her as little as possible. "Alice and Jasper are home."

"Just them?"

I nodded. "I'll be right back, alright?"

"Um. O...kay." The line of stress was back between her eyes, but if she wanted reassurances, I couldn't give them to her yet.

Rose had heard the howl as well as my comments to Bella and was already heading toward my room.

I let her in before she could knock and answered her unspoken questions as I reached for the door that opened onto the balcony. "Yes, please, and I don't know, yet."

Although part of me wanted to run out into the forest in order to question them that much faster, I wasn't willing to go so far away from Bella. Instead, I leaned against the railing and waited impatiently. When Alice and Jasper finally got close enough for me to hear their minds - what _had_ Seth been doing so far out? - they both began thinking of their trip to town and why they were back without the others.

I grumbled in frustration at the humans' bureaucracy. Why were there ever shortages of blood? Didn't humans realize that donating could save their own lives, or that of their loved ones?

It wasn't as though giving blood harmed them; their bodies constantly made more and would quickly replace any that was taken. With a city as large as Seattle nearby, I'd have thought the local Red Cross would be better supplied. Or perhaps they were withholding some in case of an emergency. Sure, Carlisle had asked for quite a lot, but didn't they understand that this _was_ an emergency? We wouldn't have asked for so much if it weren't necessary!

I went back inside to quickly explain to Bella and Rose what I'd heard before going downstairs to greet my returning siblings.

A second later, they were standing in front of me on the porch, and Alice was blowing Seth a kiss goodbye. His tail waved jauntily as he headed back out to run with his sister.

 _What is it now? What could have happened?_ Jasper thought as he sampled my emotions.

"I'm not sure where to begin..." I mumbled, abruptly dazed by the changes that had occurred in the short time since they'd left.

Alice gasped, her face going blank as a vision of me formed in her mind. My smile as they ran up to where I waited had surprised her, but she watched me laugh in her vision now in shocked disbelief. And I _did_ laugh, with delight, as my dilemma of what to tell them was solved when I heard myself saying, _"Jasper, you have to..."_

"Jasper, you have to come and feel Bella's baby."

His mouth dropped open. _Excuse me?_

"You did feed, didn't you? Let me see your eyes."

"Y - What - Hey! What the - Get off!" He shoved me away when I pounced on him and tried to angle his head toward the light so I could see the color better. "Yes, I fed." _...measly couple o' deer, but better than nothin'._

"Good! Come on." I made to grab his arm and tug him into the house, but he evaded me.

 _Alright, who are you, and where is my brother?_ "You talk first. What happened?"

I glanced back at the house and let my emotions swell. The awe I felt toward the mind of the child and the very fact that it was mine and Bella's child at all, as well as everything I felt for Bella herself washed over my brother. Jasper groped blindly for Alice, who already had a hand held out to steady him.

"I heard him. The babe Bella is carrying. I can hear his mind."

Jasper blinked in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded.

"How? And _what?"_

"He's not human," I said with a shrug. "We knew that already, of course, but I think we failed to appreciate just how much of a difference being part vampire would make."

"Like...?" Alice drew the word out, making it a request for specifics.

Attempting to make sense out of the emotions he could detect, Jasper was frowning in the direction of my room as though he could see Bella through the walls and floors that separated them.

"I don't want to say anything else until you've had the chance to see for yourself."

Not needing any more prompting, he headed toward the stairs, but paused with his foot hovering over the lowest step. An image flashed in his mind of their run home. At first, Alice had lead the way, but it had not taken Jasper long before he had demanded they switch. Running after the tiny girl who was carrying a bag full of blood over her shoulders had made him feel unpleasantly like he was hunting his own mate. Nevermind that the bag was insulated and the units sealed, their contents undetectable, he'd _known_ she had human blood on her, and that had been enough.

 _There's no... in the room with her... if she's drinking..._ He licked his lips and swallowed hard, unable to continue, but I didn't need to hear his thoughts to know what worried him. If Jasper smelled blood coming from Bella's cup, he was well aware that he wouldn't even hesitate - and that it wouldn't be the cup he would lunge for.

"No, Jazz. It's safe. Alice?" I gestured for her to precede me as he resumed his climb and followed them both up to my room. As we walked, Alice watched him with her brow puckered and her lips pursed in concentration, but her mind was frustratingly empty of any visions.

Her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed with distrust, Rose stood between Bella and the door as Jasper held his breath and edged warily inside. There might not have been exposed blood in the room, but he wasn't taking any chances. She eyed him, judging whether or not he was in control of himself and noting the color of his eyes. Though not very light, they were definitely gold and no longer flat black. She glanced at Bella over her shoulder, but one look at _her_ expression told us all that Bella understood why I had wanted Jasper to join us.

Bella's eyes were bright with excitement as she rubbed circles over her stomach. "Can you feel him?"

He closed his eyes and opened his gift to the emotions in the room. After a moment's concentration, he looked at me and thought, _It would be clearer with less people._

"Let's give them a little room," I suggested.

Irritated that both mine and Jasper's gifts worked on Bella's baby when hers was barely functioning at all, Alice flounced out of the room with a huff to deposit the few units of blood which Carlisle had been able to procure into the cooler. Rose and I followed her as far as the hall, leaving Jasper to inch closer to where Bella reclined on my bed. Alice rejoined us quickly, and the three of us tried to remain inconspicuous while staring at the two of them.

He shot us an annoyed glance; retreating to the hall had done nothing to remove us from his senses. I gave him a grin and shrug in response and gestured for him to carry on anyway. Rose wasn't about to leave him alone with her, and I simply didn't want to leave. Responding to the anticipation and excitement that Bella, Rose, and I were exuding, Jasper's lips curved into a smile, and he turned his focus toward Bella and the babe within her.

 _...she's happy like I haven't seen since the wedding. More, if that's possible._

Usually I was grateful for the differences in mine and Jasper's gifts. I'd seen enough of how others' emotions affected him to have no desire to experience them for myself. Over the years, I'd learned to interpret what I sensed in others' minds, but their emotions didn't affect mine in the way they did Jasper's. Now, for perhaps the first time, I wished I _could_ feel along with him. I was aware of his gift working as he soaked up what Bella and EJ were feeling, but I was unsure of what he truly felt or from whom.

He glanced back my way, almost seeming to seek permission, before moving closer to Bella. He stopped when he was near enough that he could have touched her if he chose and closed his eyes in concentration. Rose gasped, but when he reached out to gently place a hand on Bella's stomach, I grinned, recognizing my own almost compulsive desire to touch the incredible being I could sense within the girl I loved.

He stood without moving for many long minutes. None of us spoke, the only movement in the house came from Bella as she breathed. So slowly that a human wouldn't have been able to see it, his face began to change. The frown creasing his brow smoothed out, and his lips relaxed.

Bella's face fell when he turned without speaking and strode from the room, but I saw his intentions and started laughing. My brother's eyes were alight, and a grin spread across his face as he swept Alice into his arms.

 _...it's extraordinary... thought the love I've been feeling from Bella was unusually strong, but I hadn't accounted for how it might feel about_ _her!_

Jasper briefly met my eyes over Alice's shoulders before I hastened to kneel by the bed where my beloved Bella lay. I couldn't speak, overwhelmed by the emotions which Jasper was picking up and broadcasting back to us. Instead, I cupped her face in one hand so that I could trace the lines of it with my other: the crease between her brows, her high cheekbones, her soft lips - one just a little larger than the other - down to her pointed chin.

"What?" Bella asked. "What happened?"

Alice mumbled something, but Jasper was pressing her face so tight into his chest, her words were muffled.

He pulled away from her and laughed when he saw Alice's disgruntled expression. Her tiny nose was wrinkled, and her lips were pursed, but her eyes were dancing with laughter.

He explained, "Bella is right about her. I believe I may have overlooked the child's emotions because they are so like her mother's."

 _"His_ mother," I corrected with a laugh.

He raised an eyebrow and shrugged. _If you say so._

He'd use up all of his air, so he simply flashed Bella a grin before looping an arm around Alice's shoulders and steering her toward the stairs while she prattled at him.

"Does this mean I get to start picking out little tuxedos and sailor suits and oh! Oh! I want everyone in matching outfits for a family portrait, but they can't be anything boring maybe something from - _Oh!_ Jazz! _Dior_. They're coming out with an amazing winter collection they'll be announcing next month, and I can't wait till you see what I'm going to pick out for you and Emmett and don't you dare peek, Edward!"

I met Bella's eyes as Alice's high-pitched voice faded when she and a very patient Jasper went outside to wait. "I suppose nothing can stop Alice from seeing the next fashion trends."

Bella chewed on her lip nervously. "Did she say sailor suits?"

I laughed and climbed back onto the bed where I'd been when Seth had howled. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make sure Alice knows you have veto power over all clothing choices."

Bella breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Thanks."

"To be fair, life _is_ much easier when you let her have her fun. Who wants to worry about what they have to wear when there are so many more interesting things in the world?" I nuzzled her hip. "Like you. And him."

"Jasper thinks it's a girl?"

I shrugged and sighed as her fingers found their way back into my hair. "Would you care?"

"No. Just, he feels like a him. Whenever I picture him, I see a boy."

"Yet another reason I wish I could read your mind. I would love to see _that_ image."

She laughed. "Oh, that's easy. He looks like you, of course."

"Hmph. And here I've been thinking he'll look like _you."_

Bella's quiet laugh turned into a yawn.

"Sleep, love. Hopefully by the time you wake, Carlisle will have returned, and we can see which of us he looks like for ourselves."

She sighed and settled herself into the pillows. I had sung Bella to sleep many times, and I flashed a grin at her as an idea occurred to me. I moved so that my lips were right next to EJ's ear and began to hum the lullaby I had written for Bella when I first fell in love with her. Making sure to separate the notes clearly, I hummed the tune far slower than I normally would have, but the child listened, enthralled. When I reached the end of the song, I started over, but this time at it's normal speed. He heard the difference instantly, and recognized it as the tune that had been plaguing him.

Despite being muffled by the fluids in which he floated, EJ's hearing had improved since he'd first become aware of sound a few hours earlier. When he replayed the tune in his mind now, it was no longer disjointed and irritating, but a perfect repetition of my voice.

I kept humming even after they both fell asleep.


	44. Contingency Plans

**44\. Contingency Plans**

The babe was developing at an alarmingly rapid rate. Everything about Bella's pregnancy had been accelerated, and watching his senses become more acute by the minute was both fascinating and terrifying. Carlisle's estimates of four days were much too generous. He needed to return soon! It was time for our child to be born, but that required a surgery - which couldn't happen without the _doctor!_

Careful to disturb neither the sleeping girl nor the child within her, I slid off the bed, opened my bedroom door, and softly called, "Rosalie."

She'd heard the door open and was hastening down the hall before I had finished speaking her name.

"I need to phone Carlisle. Will you stay with Bella, please?"

Rose gave me a strange smile, but nodded and made to stride past me without speaking. She seemed to be trying not to think of it, since I would of course see it, but she couldn't help comparing the way I'd spoken to her over the past two weeks with the way I'd spoken just now.

Though it wasn't her intention, I felt slightly ashamed of my behavior and the way I had treated her, no matter how justified I had believed myself to be at the time.

"Rose." When she looked over her shoulder at me, I held her eyes and said, "Thank you."

Before she could respond, I was already downstairs and dialing the number for the hospital. Someday, somehow, I was going to have to find a way to repay her. It wasn't going to be easy; the debt I owed her was incalculable. Because of Rosalie, Bella was going to have my child.

Pigheaded, I'd called my sister. As though I wasn't the stubborn fool in the family. If it weren't for her tenacity, I wouldn't now be planning for the birth of my very own son - or daughter. Bella admitted she didn't know for certain. I didn't care either way. I was going to be a father, to have a child I would get to watch grow and live, when such a thing should have been impossible. If I wasn't the luckiest creature on the planet, then I didn't know who was!

"Carlisle," I breathed in relief when he answered. It had taken five different nurses to track him down. I should have guessed he would be with the blood bank and tried there first. Jasper had told me he was trying to secure more units!

"What happened?" His voice was full of alarm, but I hastened to reassure him.

"Nothing bad. Nothing's wrong. Quite the opposite."

"Jasper and Alice returned?"

"Oh. Yes. They got back some time ago."

"Then what is it? If nothing is wrong, I would love to hear something good. I could use it right now." He said the last words in a weary sigh under his breath. I guessed he was having more trouble obtaining what he believed Bella to need than Jasper had known.

My free hand gripped my hair as I repeated my father's name and then simply stood there holding the phone to my ear. He waited patiently while I tried to find a way to tell him what I'd seen and heard, but as my silence stretched, he intervened.

"Is it Bella? Has something happened to her?"

"Bella is... fine." I blew out a huge gust of air and laughed. "No. Bella's not fine. She's _incredible._ Carlisle, she's right! The child, the babe she's carrying, it's _good."_

"Wh-"

The words began to tumble out of my mouth. "I _heard_ him! Or, well, Jasper thinks it's a girl, but I heard the baby, Carlisle! As clearly as I've ever heard you. He's sentient, intelligent, _curious._ He likes when I hum and - "

"He what?"

" - the sound of Bella's voice and the way her hands look, which he likes hers more than mine, but he likes mine too, and the sound of Rose's laugh - "

"Wait - "

" - and he didn't realize he was hurting Bella before, but he seems to know it now - "

"Edward, slow down."

" - but he can't help it because he's too big and growing too fast. We need to deliver him as soon as possible, so don't worry about getting more blood. Just come home now!"

"Son," he said when I paused expectantly. "Back up a moment. When did this happen?"

"Almost immediately after you left."

"And what, exactly, did you hear?"

I was puzzled by the sound of his voice. It was wary, cautious. Hadn't I told him the child was good? "He repeated the words he heard us saying."

"He spoke to you?"

"No. It was more... parroting. He liked our noises is all. The sounds we make are pleasing to him."

"And you think that makes him intelligent?"

"Well... It wasn't just that. He reacts to us. He's curious. He is learning already, Carlisle! Not even a month old, and he's capable of reason. Yes, he's intelligent."

"That is reassuring to know." His voice was strange again, almost as though he meant the opposite.

Intelligence alone did not equate to goodness, or why else were the villains in pictures so often termed evil geniuses? I made my words slow to emphasize my conviction that our child was good. "And when he came to understand that he was hurting Bella, he began trying not to. He loves her, Carlisle. Jasper felt it, too. He'll be a Cullen. He _is_ a Cullen."

He hummed softly. I didn't think I'd convinced him, but he seemed less skeptical. "If it is being careful, Bella is in less danger. Why the insistence that I return home without obtaining the supplies for which I came to town?"

"So you can deliver him!"

He made an inarticulate noise. _"_ _Now?"_

"The sooner the better."

"The fetus - "

 _"Baby."_

He paused for a beat. "Yes. It is less than one month old."

"I'm well aware of that."

How I hated telephones! I wanted to be able to see into his mind, to understand why he hesitated.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I tried to keep my emotions out of my voice and said, "How old he is doesn't mean anything. You've noted how rapidly he's been growing. A human at his stage of development would be in no danger if delivered, even if it would be considered a few weeks early. If you leave now, EJ can be born as soon as you get back, and he'll be perfectly fine. And so will Bella!"

"And what do she and Rosalie think about this plan?"

"They agree." He didn't answer, and I groaned into his silence. "What? Why do you hesitate?"

"Son..." He started to speak several times, but stopped before he got another word out.

Rarely had I heard him falter for words in this way and wondered if his reticence now was only because he didn't want to say whatever it was that troubled him for fear of my reaction. Considering the way I'd been behaving these past two weeks, I supposed that was understandable, but with all that I had to look forward to once this was over, I doubted there was anything he could say that would bother me.

My voice was easily calm and steady when I spoke. "Go ahead, Carlisle. Whatever it is, say it."

"It merely concerns me that, immediately upon learning of her pregnancy, Bella changed dramatically. Now you - and apparently Jasper? - have made a similar turnabout."

"If you could have heard what I did - "

"But that is what concerns me. You have had direct contact with the fetus - "

 _"Baby."_

" - and it has instantly influenced you in an extreme way. I am forced to question whether your determination that Bella's child is good is truly your own, or due to the influence of the child itself."

Taken aback, I didn't answer right away. _I_ knew I wasn't being influenced, but the more I tried to protest that fact, the more I would convince him otherwise.

"You asked me once to prove to you that I love Bella."

"So I did."

"Come home. Allow my son the chance to do the same."

The sound of his light breaths came to a halt. I smiled to myself, certain I knew what his answer would be.

"My son... _Edward..._ Bella is in no immediate danger. It will do neither of them harm to wait another day - "

"Another _day!_ But - "

 _"But!_ If I were to come home now, we run the risk of delivering the child only to have nothing to feed him."

"Well, it doesn't have to be O negative once he's born, does it? Get some that's more readily available. A, or O pos, or - "

"It is not that simple, son. There is paperwork involved, and I must be able to account for all that we have used. Switching would draw attention."

Muttering under my breath about the humans' bureaucracy, I began to pace and run my fingers through my hair. His chuckle stopped me in my tracks, and I demanded, "What?"

"You remind me of every other expectant father I have ever met. Pacing and badgering the doctor."

I wasn't particularly in the mood to be teased, but I liked his words too much to take offense. "Well, Doctor Cullen, what's _your_ plan, then? Hmm?"

"I am waiting on a call from the Red Cross. This is leaving a paper-trail that will be a mess to clean up later, but I have already taken steps to obtain a large enough supply to keep - " He stopped suddenly, and when he spoke again, his voice lost the detached doctor façade he'd taken on. "Did I hear you name him?"

"Bella did. She wants to name our son EJ, after me and Jacob."

At the sound of his hearty laugh, I grinned at Jasper and Alice through the window, positive that I had my father convinced this time. When he was able to speak again, he said. "Well, that certainly sounds like Bella."

Rocking onto the balls of my feet while Jasper laughed at me, I had to caution myself not to crush the phone in my excitement. "Does that mean you're coming home now?"

A sharp tapping came through the phone, as though he were drumming his fingers on a surface. Finally he sighed. "No. If the child is good as you say - "

"He _is."_

" - then that is even more reason why we will need as much blood as I can obtain. Assuming your goal now is to keep him alive once he is born."

I had to admit that made sense. "How much are you trying to get?"

"At least enough for the next two weeks."

"We don't need that much right this moment, do we?"

"I believe we should get as much as we can while we can. We may not be able to do this a second time, and there is no way to know when Bella or the babe will be fit for travel."

My frustration vanished instantly. "Oh. Right." The last thing we needed was for my newborn Bella or our son to snack on a gas station attendant. Back when it had been Emmett, there had not been cameras monitoring the customers and their vehicles.

"My contact at the Red Cross is trying to organize it so that we can retrieve what I have ordered ourselves without needing to wait on human delivery drivers. Emmett and Esme are already on their way to the largest hubs near Vancouver and Portland. As soon as I get the call to verify where else we can go, I will leave, too. We will be well supplied for his first days."

"Vancouver. Portland. You're already talking of running for hours!"

"I know, but we have used all the emergency units here, and cannot tax Seattle for any more. We have to spread out to the greater network."

Grunting in understanding, I muttered, "I suppose it's still faster than waiting on humans to drive."

"Indubitably. We will be home by noon tomorrow at the latest. And then, I promise, if it is still what you, Rosalie, and Bella wish, I will perform the cesarean as soon as we are back."

"Fair enough."

After I hung up with him, I returned upstairs. Rose had heard my half of the conversation with Carlisle, and I quickly explained his reasoning. She approved wholeheartedly of his desire to secure as much blood for the baby as possible. Naturally, she would be behind any plan that would benefit him.

Not more than a few hours ago, I would have resented her for that.

Jasper was trying to avoid thinking of all the blood that was going to be delivered to our house by concentrating on the polar bears he and Emmett would be stalking soon. Despite having just fed, my newest brother was struggling. Not only was there a human living in his home, but there were already bags of human blood here which he could feast on without directly harming the girl I loved.

 _...just order a pizza and the blood would deliver itself..._

He and Alice remained on the front porch, only now they stood with their arms wrapped around each other. Her head was aching again, but he soaked in the positive emotions Rose and I were brimming with, amplified them, and projected them directly to her. As happiness filled his usually cheerful wife once again, it didn't make her pain go away, but it made it easier to bear, and he sighed with relief along with her.

A thick blanket covered Bella that hadn't been there when I'd left. Keeping my voice low, I asked, "She got cold again?"

Rosalie nodded. An image flashed through her mind of Bella shivering in her sleep, and then one of Rose spreading the blanket over her. I mouthed my thanks. As much as I wanted to return to my position snuggled against Bella's back, I was loath to disturb her, especially if she was already cold. Rose made no move to leave, and I wasn't about to ask her to do so after all she had done. We positioned ourselves so that we could see Bella and each other - with Rose leaning against one of the bed posts and I against the wall - and waited.

This time, when images of small children formed in Rose's mind, I had to fight not to laugh aloud. My hand clamped tight over my mouth as her eyes danced mischievously. Instead of strapping boys with mops of black, curly hair, the images she formed were similar to those I'd had on the island. Red headed boys and brunette girls paraded through her thoughts.

Rose's lips twitched as she imagined Bella and myself standing outside of a school bus stop, each clasping one of our child's hands - whose features and gender kept morphing as Rose's mind changed. A giggle escaped my sister as she then imagined Bella and I climbing aboard a bus of our own, heading to high school.

Smiling, I shrugged and looked intentionally unconcerned. The thought of once more attending high school, only this time with Bella as my wife, did not cause me the same feelings of frustrated stagnation which endless repeats of freshman English used to engender. I had enjoyed Mike's dejection when Bella had turned him down, as well as Eric's awkward bumbling, not to mention crushing Tyler's delusions of taking Bella to the prom.

 _That_ had been _my_ privilege. And would be again, and again, and again.

This next time around, with none of the uncertainty, temptations, or dangers that had plagued us the first time, I might actually enjoy high school. And I would definitely enjoy watching Bella turn down those hopeless boys so that she could say yes to _me_.

Rose was teasing me with more images of our futures when an angry voice entered my thoughts. Jacob was back.

My fury at Leah returned as her thoughts, too, found their way into my mind. She and Seth followed Jacob as he swerved down the long driveway toward our house.

"I'll be right back," I whispered. "Jacob is here."

The amusement vanished from my sister's face instantly. _...stinking, interfering mutts..._

As I headed outside to wait, I doubted that Leah would leave the shelter of the forest to confront me a second time, but I didn't want to take the chance that I might be tempted to tell her off if I were to see her again and made for the garage, where I assumed he'd be returning my car.

The car entered slowly. Jacob wore a sour look. Apparently my happiness only emphasized the pain he knew awaited him here. For his sake, I tried to contain it, but I wasn't going to fake a misery I no longer shared.

Casting a critical eye over the _Vanquish_ as he pulled it back into place, I was pleased to see that it seemed to have taken no damage, either during its stay in the airport garage or during Jacob's drive. Judging by his memories, he'd barely pushed the car at all! I may as well have given him Bella's old Chevy for all the speed he'd coaxed out of her.

Then again, images of him driving my favorite car off a cliff flashed through his mind when he seemed to regret the missed opportunity, so perhaps it was better that he'd been too distracted with his misery to pay attention to anything more than moving forward.

Or, running away.

But he'd come back of course. Pulled to the last place he wanted to be by the undeniable bond between him and my Bella. Well, I only had to put up with that for another day at most. Surely, as usual, Bella was correct in her belief that once she was a vampire, Jacob would want nothing more to do with her. Their bond would be broken, but _ours_ would be stronger. If such a thing was even possible. I couldn't imagine loving Bella more than I did already.

And for her, I would put up with the werewolf she said she loved like a brother.

Hmm. A brother. That, I supposed, I could accept. Before Rosalie, I'd been an only child, just like Bella. Although my adopted sister and I didn't always get along, that didn't mean we loved each other any less.

Rosalie and I had never kissed, nor held any desire to do so. The one Jacob and Bella had shared had not exactly been sisterly, no matter that she protested her feelings for him were platonic. She never had been a very good liar, even to herself, but if it made her feel better to think of Jacob as a brother rather than a love lost, I wouldn't challenge her assertion.

However, while I might admire Jacob's courage and would forever be indebted to him for all that he had done for Bella, _Leah_ was another matter. If Jacob could have heard what Leah had said to Bella and seen her reaction as the wolf girl made her accusations, he surely would have stopped her. Since he hadn't been there this time, I wanted to make sure there wouldn't be a next time.

His mental tone hadn't improved from the drive. Before he could start in with one of the cutting comments flittering through his mind, I said, "A few things, Jacob."

As though to prepare himself for an ordeal, he took a deep breath and got out of my car with exaggerated slowness. He tossed the keys to me and grumbled, "Thanks for the loan. What do you want _now?"_

"Firstly... I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but..."

"What?" He blinked, and his eyes widened. _...dream of even starting in on this one!_

I didn't blame him for being displeased. If it were my family risking their lives to save his pack, and he'd dared to criticize them, he'd better have a damn good reason! Unfortunately, I did.

"If you can't or won't control Leah, then I - "

"Leah?" The muscles stood out on his arms as his hands balled into fists. "What happened?"

"She came up to see why you'd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right."

"What did she do?"

"She phased to her human form and - "

"Really?" Jacob's jaw dropped. Leah may have agreed to protect us as part of the price she had to pay to escape from Sam's pack, but we were still her enemies as far as the wolf girl was concerned. Her wolf form wasn't invulnerable, but it was far better suited for a confrontation with a coven of vampires than her human form was, though not as suitable for berating them.

"She wanted to..." I tried to find a mild enough term that would still get across how her words had hurt Bella, but finally said, "... _speak_ to Bella."

"To _Bella?"_

"I won't let Bella be upset like that again. I don't care how justified Leah thinks she is! I didn't hurt her - of course I wouldn't - but I'll throw her out of the house if it happens again. I'll launch her right across the river - "

"Hold _on._ What did she _say?"_

Yelling at my sister may have been wrong, but I had only been trying to protect the woman I loved. _Leah_ had had no business speaking to my Bella in such a way! Jacob was staring at me in confusion, and I realized I was clenching my hands in front of myself as though I already had the wolf girl in my grasp. I forced myself to lower my hands and relax their tight fists.

"Leah was unnecessarily harsh. I'm not going to pretend that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain she's inflicting on you, and on me, by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bella's been crying - "

He held out a hand. "Wait - Leah was yelling at Bella about _me?"_

"You were quite vehemently championed."

Mouth gaping open, be blinked in astonishment, but seemed impressed, rather than angry. I would have thought, given his relationship with Bella and the mutual antagonism between him and Leah, that it would be Bella's side he would take, not Leah's, and pressed my lips hard together to avoid saying something I might later regret.

"I didn't ask her to do that."

"I know."

 _...course he does... thinks he knows everything._

Nearly laughing at how similar to Rosalie he sounded, I resisted the urge. He needed to take Leah's actions as seriously as I did, and my amusement wouldn't promote that.

 _...really something... woulda believed it? Leah walking into the bloodsuckers' place **human** to complain about how **I** was being treated..._

Breathing heavily through my nose, I waited impatiently for him to finish being impressed with Leah's supposed bravery and see the point.

Eventually, he said, "I can't promise to control Leah. I won't do that. But I'll talk to her, okay? And I don't think there'll be a repeat. Leah's not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today."

"I would say so."

"Anyway, I'll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn't need to feel bad. This one's on me."

At least he acknowledged that much. "I already told her that."

"Of course you did." He matched my sour tone, but then his expression showed his concern for Bella, at last. "Is she okay?"

"She's sleeping now. Rose is with her."

 _...the psycho is "Rose" now... completely crossed over to the dark side..._

Trying to ignore him, I kept my tone even. "She's... better in some ways. Aside from Leah's tirade and the resulting guilt."

 _...better... 'cause Edward's hearing the little monster and everyone's all lovey-dovey. Fantastic._

"It's a bit more than that. Now that I can make out the child's thoughts, it's apparent that he or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extent."

Eyes wide and mouth gaping open, Jacob gasped out, "Are you _serious?"_

"Yes." It was just like convincing Carlisle all over again, only my father didn't instinctively loathe everything about me. "He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He's trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He... _loves_ her. Already."

 _...what changed him... monster has him convinced of this **love.**_ _...can't hate what loves her._ _...prob'ly why he can't hate me. ...difference is, I'm not killing her!_

Jacob had a point. EJ loved Bella, and she loved him. Of course I couldn't hate him. But it wasn't his thoughts that had convinced me as much as his actions. Love was a verb, something one did, and showed, and felt. People could say it all the time, but it was in their actions that the truth was revealed, and his actions showed me that our child loved his mother.

But it was so much more than just loving her here and now.

In loving her, he would want her approval, would seek her guidance and follow her counsel. He wouldn't wish to kill humans for the sole reason that _she_ wouldn't want it. At least, at first. Once he got older, we would be able to teach him why, but that was the point. He would grow, and learn, just like any child.

We would teach him right from wrong, just as our parents had taught us. As Carlisle had always tried to teach me. I wouldn't fail my son like I had my father, though. Upon his return, I would see to it that our child was safely born, and then see to it that his mother survived.

"The progress, I believe, is more than we'd judged. When Carlisle returns - "

"They're not back?" In his mind flashed an image of the sentinels he'd seen by the road on his drive.

"Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasn't as much as he was hoping for - Bella will use up this supply in another day the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I don't think that's necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality."

His eyes narrowed, suspiciously. "Why isn't it necessary? If she needs more?"

As far as he was concerned, changing Bella into a vampire was tantamount to murder. I wasn't sure how he would take the knowledge that I planned to do so within a matter of hours. Enunciating carefully, I said, "I'm trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back."

 _"What?"_

My words were rushed now, as I hastened to explain, "The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, but it's difficult. He's become too big. It's madness to wait, when he's clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed. Bella's too fragile to delay."

The breath escaped him as though I'd punched him in the stomach. His face twisted with a grief I understood far too well. My face as it had been over the past few days, clenched in a pain far worse than his own, flashed through his thoughts. Somehow, my pain had eased his; knowing that I suffered for what I had done had made his own suffering less.

That grief was no longer necessary. Rather, I felt a hope akin to nothing I had known before. I could have it all: my family, my love, and our child. As usual where Bella was concerned, it was Jacob whose help was needed.

The four days Bella had assured him of this morning were gone. Now, as far as he knew, he might not have four hours. What did that matter, though? In the long run, he would still have chosen to see her as his enemy. He would see in her a mockery of the girl he loved, cast in stone and given a semblance of life.

Carlisle believed otherwise. _Bella_ believed otherwise. Wasn't she always right?

Vampire or human, she would always be my Bella. She would prove the wolves wrong, as she had me, time and again. But for Jacob's presence, I would have grinned with delight. He must have seen something of it in my face, though.

"You think she's going to make it." It was almost an accusation.

"Yes. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about." I waited for him to prompt me or give any indication he cared, but he simply stared at me in silence.

"Yes," I repeated when he didn't speak. "Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if we're proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the child's mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rose agree with me. Now that I've convinced them it's safe for the child if we proceed, there's nothing to keep this from working."

"When will Carlisle be back?"

"By noon tomorrow."

His shoulders slumped, and he staggered slightly, gripping onto my car for support. If he'd have been a vampire, he'd have left a handprint at the least, and I nearly expected to see one as it was. Werewolves were strong in their human forms, too.

I reached out a hand to him, but dropped it. It was more likely that I would lose the hand rather than comfort him if I were to touch him, regardless of my intent.

If I couldn't use my hands, my voice would have to do. "I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you hate me, I must admit that I don't feel the same about you. I think of you as a... a brother in many ways. A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize."

His teeth gritted together as I spoke. I supposed he wasn't appreciating my words any more than he would have my touch, but I was nearly done, and had to finish what I'd started.

Growling, my fists clenched in my determination to make my words real, I said, "But Bella _is_ going to survive, and I know that's what really matters to you. So I hate to do this now, while you're already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for something - to beg, if I must."

"I don't have anything left," he managed to say.

"I know how much you have given. But this is something you _do_ have, and only you. I'm asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. I'm asking this of Ephraim's heir. I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life."

He shook his head, but it seemed more like he was dazed than saying no.

Relentlessly, I insisted, "You know I'll do it anyway, but I don't want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don't do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over."

 _Sam. It's Sam you want._

"No. Sam's authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You'll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what I'm asking except for _you."_

 _It's not my decision._

"It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me."

 _I can't think. I don't know._

"We don't have much time." I looked back toward my home, to the beautiful mansion where my love slept with my child in her womb.

 _No. There is no time. My days just became hours. I don't know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?_

"Yes."

He turned without speaking, and I followed, attempting not to laugh at the direction of his thoughts. I supposed I could understand; few of my kind would feel at ease strolling beside a werewolf.

No matter how they smelled.


	45. Best Laid Plans

**45\. Best Laid Plans**

My face felt the warmth from the scant sunlight the clouds allowed through. I tilted it toward the sky. My eyes were shut, but I could detect the light through my closed lids, and to me it seemed nearly as bright as the midday sun we enjoyed on Esme's Island. I filled my lungs with the damp forest air. There was nothing of the island in the scents of leaf litter and earth, the green and growing things here having a sharper tang than the flowery, salty, ocean breeze.

I let out my held breath in a happy sigh. As much as I loved the smell of our island, this was home.

I didn't even mind the smell of the werewolf who walked beside me, nor the one edging his way through the bushes toward us. Seth whined just before he came into view, giving voice to his distress over Jacob's flight from our house. The sandy-colored wolf brightened visibly as he trotted up to his alpha.

"Hey, kid."

 _Jake, man, you had us worried._

Jacob may not have been able to hear his thoughts while in his human form, but that didn't stop him from guessing what was bothering the young wolf. He patted Seth's shoulder and said, "S'all cool. I'll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that."

Seth's jaw dropped open in a wolfish grin. There was more than a touch of envy coloring the memory he had of my favorite car flying past him with Jacob at the wheel. I wondered what it would take to convince him to let me give him a car like the one awaiting Bella. Maybe I could buy myself a new car and then decide I didn't like it. My lips pressed tight to hold in the laugh that wanted to burst forth.

Leah was in her wolf form and heard the admonishment Jacob gave her through her brother. Jacob didn't hear her derisive sneeze, but her mental grumbles convinced me that she wasn't planning on talking to any of us any time soon. Or ever again, if she could help it.

I smiled after Seth as he sauntered back to the trees, his tail held high. His sister could refuse to accept the good in our child, but Seth's thoughts rang with hope. He had listened to Leah's memory of her tirade, but his ears heard what hers would not. My son loved his mother, just like I did. Children were looked upon as a blessing by most, and the Quileutes were no exception. His tribe might have been small, but there were always new children being born. A young girl whom I didn't know toddled through his thoughts, gripping the hand of one of Sam's pack.

My chest constricted as that image shifted to one of Bella, her chestnut hair swirling about in the breeze. Seth imagined me strolling by her side on a beach I had only ever seen in pictures or thoughts. Between us, clinging to our hands, was a vague child form. Perhaps three or four years old, the child could have been either a boy or a girl, but it had my pale skin, and the sun brought out the red in the mop of chestnut hair on the child's head.

The three of us vanished from the scene as a fierce stab of longing for the beach, for _home_ , pierced him. He shook off the homesickness quickly. It'd only be a few more days, he reasoned. The baby would be born tomorrow, and everyone would be friends again when they saw what Bella had known to be true all along. Tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, he gamboled down the path they had worn around our house.

 _Hey, Leah, wait up!_

"He has one of the purest, sincerest, _kindest_ minds I've ever heard. You're lucky to have his thoughts to share."

"I know that," Jacob muttered.

Although he may have spoken kindly to Seth, the tone of Jacob's voice told me that he was still resisting granting me leave to save Bella. His hatred for me had not faded, but he knew how this was going to end. I was going to change her whether he agreed to allow it or not.

Shame washed through me at that thought. Already, I had thrown my scruples aside when I'd decided to try and end our child's life by force. Ephriam's mistrust of us was warranted. He had not believed we were done growing our coven. Perhaps, if I'd had Bella as my wife when we'd met him, things would have been different, but the werewolves had known how powerful love could be in a way which I had not. One way or another, he'd been sure I would add to our family some day. He'd had no idea how right he was.

I had striven to attain Carlisle's essential goodness for nearly a hundred years, yet I still fell far short of the mark. Nothing would prevent me from doing everything in my power to save Bella and our child, but I would have preferred not to bring him into the world by breaking my word. I had never hesitated to lie to protect my family, but a promise made should be a promise kept.

My unpleasant ruminations vanished the moment I heard the wet sound of Bella emptying another cup. The wolf beside me forgotten, I sprinted back to the house.

Why had I left her? I could have spoken to Jacob on our porch just as well as in the garage!

Bella favored me with a look of love when I appeared by her side. Rosalie had settled her back onto the couch, but I seated myself on the floor, unwilling to jostle her by trying to join her.

"Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left."

"Don't worry. I just got so thirsty - it woke me up. It's a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me."

That fact had been pointed out to me by Carlisle, but it didn't surprise me that my Bella saw the truth for herself. "True. That's a good point."

"I wonder if he'll want anything else." A frown wrinkled her forehead as she rubbed circles over her belly.

"I guess we'll find out."

How pleased that would make Esme! She'd been hoping Bella would consent to remain human for at least a short time following our wedding. My mother loved any excuse to cook, and we had long since given up on trying to break her of that desire. Our protestations regarding the food's horrible smells repeatedly fell on deaf ears with only her mental assertion that the humans thought it smelled and tasted just fine, thank you very much. I had only been grateful that none of my siblings seemed to share her obsession with human food.

"Finally," Alice said with relief as the blurred image of our home vanished from her thoughts.

I didn't look away from her, but Bella followed my sister's gaze to where Jacob was just shuffling through the door. My heart twisted as her lips turned up and her eyes lit with pleasure. The were friends, and he had saved her life numerous times. My feelings of jealousy were unwarranted, but that didn't stop me from having them.

I felt even worse when her beautiful smile faded, and her lips began to tremble. She pressed them together, as if she could hide from any of us that she was holding back tears. The fury I'd expected Jacob to feel when I'd told him what Leah had said flared at last.

Before she could speak, he said, "Hey, Bells. How ya doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Big day today, huh? Lots of new stuff."

She wasn't fooled by his deliberately cheerful tone. "You don't have to do that, Jacob."

"Don't know what you're talking about." He didn't try to join her, either, choosing to perch on the couch's arm instead of collapsing onto the cushions the way he seemed to want to do.

"I'm _so s-"_

He stopped her apology by holding her lips closed. She pushed weakly against his hand, but he shook his head and said, "You can talk when you're not being stupid."

"Fine, I won't say it," she mumbled around his fingers, but there was a defiant glint in her eyes that made me doubt she'd given in so easy. I nearly laughed when, as soon as he took his hand away, she blurted, "Sorry!"

They grinned at each other in a moment of camaraderie before a look of confusion crossed his face. She seemed to sense his struggle and didn't speak while I listened to his internal debate. The direction of his thoughts shocked me as he tried to convince himself that we were alive, that _she_ would be alive, and the only reason they would be enemies was if he were to make it so.

His shoulders slumped in defeat as he sighed. _Fine! Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right - they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this._

My heart lightened immediately. He'd agreed!

"Thank you," I said below my breath. I tried to put everything into those two words - my gratitude for gaining his permission as well as for all that he had done for Bella, and thus for me, not least of which was the reversal of this last prejudice.

Changing Bella would save her, not kill her.

I didn't explain when the others eyed me. As Bella had heard neither of us, all she could know was there was an expression of defeat on his face, but if she had been looking at me, she might have seen one of hope. If Bella could keep her friend, it would do much to ease her transition to her new life. I almost said the words out loud: _her new life._

"So, how was your day?"

I wanted to laugh; she may as well have asked him about the weather!

He followed her lead, though, and lightly said, "Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park."

"Sounds nice."

A multitude of girls' faces flickered through his thoughts. The way he compared them to Bella, and quickly dismissed them all as inadequate next to her pure beauty, made me think his trip had been something other than nice, but he agreed, "Sure, sure."

Bella's nose wrinkled and she squirmed slightly in her seat. "Rose?"

"Again?" my sister asked with a laugh.

"I think I've drunk two gallons in the last hour."

Jacob and I stood to give them room. Light pink stained her cheeks as Rosalie lifted her off the couch. She'd never enjoyed being cared for, and being carried everywhere had embarrassed her, but when she hadn't had the strength to sit up straight, she had conceded the necessity and not complained. Now, however, with Jacob as an audience to her invalidism, she protested.

"Can I walk? My legs are so stiff."

Although I was inclined to not doubt her yet again, she seemed so weak, and her balance had already been dubious before swelling with my child. "Are you sure?"

Of course, she saw right through me. "Rose'll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily since I can't see them."

Her eyes danced as they held mine, and I shrugged my permission - as if she had needed it.

Rosalie tilted Bella toward the floor, and for the first time in days, Bella stood on her own feet. Rosalie held her hands ready to catch Bella if she should so much as wobble, but she was intent on stretching her arms and wiggling her fingers.

"That feels good," she said, despite wincing. "Ugh, but I'm huge."

 _...stomach's its own continent..._

A low chuckle of agreement escaped me as I considered asking Rose if she thought she could hear a second heart beating, and Bella if there were any twins in her family, but I thought teasing the pregnant girl while she stood on unsteady feet might not be the best idea. Perhaps once she was seated again, I could try to elicit the sweet sound of her laughter with some good-natured teasing.

Oblivious to my amusement, Bella smiled tenderly at her round belly. She gave it a gentle pat and said, "One more day."

I had the strangest urge to do _something_ to prepare for the next day. A human man in my position could have been packing and repacking overnight bags, topping off the fluids in his vehicle, or perhaps spending an afternoon putting together the last of the furniture in preparation for his child's birth. I hadn't liked the feeling of uselessness I'd experienced as I watched Bella sicken any more than I enjoyed it now, despite my positive expectations for the pregnancy's end.

"All righty, then." Bella made to step toward the bathroom, but had not done more than start to lift her foot when the cup shifted. "Whoops - oh, no!"

It was unfortunate that I had destroyed the end tables upon our return from Italy. Aside from the weeks of griping I'd had to listen to from Rosalie and Emmett - and if I'd really been paying attention, I probably would have aimed the table at something other than our television - it would have been helpful for Bella to have something stable on which to set her cup.

Without her body to rest against, gravity took over, and the weight of the blood in the cup caused it to tip. The red fluid splashed onto the off-white cushions. Rosalie, Alice, and I were already acting to prevent the rest from getting onto the floor when, apparently forgetting her delicate condition, Bella turned and reached for the cup. A noise similar to that which her clothes made as I tore them from her body came from somewhere within Bella.

Our eyes met in a shared moment of horrified shock as we understood what had happened. She had moved too quickly and overstretched organs which were already being compressed. All along, I had known her body would give out. I had thought planning a cesarean delivery would supersede the worst of the danger, but I had somehow forgotten that Bella had always been a danger to herself, too.

"Oh," she gasped before she collapsed.

Rosalie recovered before I did and caught Bella around the waist, but she wasn't fast enough to save the fragile human girl from injury. Bella had gone completely limp, and her head would have hit the floor, even if the rest of her did not. My hands were there to cushion her head just inches from the hard floor as I cursed my slow reactions.

I gasped her name, hoping desperately for her to say she was fine as she always had before, but she was not fine, and this time there was another who shared her danger. Our son was in distress, his limbs held tight to his body as he tried not to flail about, but he was afraid, so very afraid. Instead of giving him a comforting pat and a soft laugh, his mother screamed, and the sound shot through him as it did me.

Should I manage to live for eternity, never would I hear a more terrifying sound than that of Bella screaming as her body was torn apart from the inside. My worst imaginings of this very scene hadn't come close to the reality of how it looked, sounded, and felt to witness my gentle Bella in such pain. Not even the memories Charlie had unknowingly shared of Bella waking, shrieking from her dreams every night I'd been away could compare with the scream she made now.

And how I ached for her to cry out again when the sound cut off with a gurgle. The few drops of blood which had been spilled on the couch were as nothing compared with the liters her body forcefully expelled.

Esme's color preference for shades of white made each drop stand out. Red was everywhere; dripping down the couch cushions, glistening in a pool on the floor, the little waves made by her movements forcing it deeper into the carpet and farther across the room. Blood had splashed onto the fabric of all three sitting chairs. The one farthest away held only a single drop, but it caught my eye, and the contrast of white and red seemed eerily prophetic.

Blood was on me, too. My hands were covered with it as though I had dipped them in the sticky stuff. It was hot to the touch, so much so that my hands and throat seemed to burn in equal measure. For a long, awful moment, I was mesmerized by the sight and seized by the desire - the overwhelming _need_ \- to lick them clean. Doing so would have quenched both fires. I looked through trembling fingers to focus on the source of my torment.

It looked like a murder scene, and in the center was my beloved Bella, her face and neck covered in blood. I couldn't look away and knew that even the peripheral details would be seared in my perfect memory forever if Bella survived. If she did not, it wouldn't matter whose blood we were all covered in; she would be the victim of her vampire husband in a picture worse than any others' imaginings.

 _No!_ I couldn't allow her to die. Not now! But I couldn't save her, either. I couldn't move, my brain seeming to have disconnected from the rest of me by what I was witnessing.

But who else was there?

Carlisle was miles away, probably in another state or even Canada by now. Rosalie had less experience as a doctor than I. Alice's mind held no reassuring visions of the future. Jacob's presence had blanked out even the blurry glimpses of our family she had been getting, but she had never been through so much as a semester of medical school, and Jacob was still in high school.

By some grace, Jasper had shut his eyes and gulped in a breath to hold from the first moment he detected our fear. A litany of reasons why he must not go into the house to murder his brother's wife ran through his mind as he frantically dug his fingers into the bannister. It could never withstand his strength, but he found concentrating on the more immediate and less vital task of not crushing the flimsy stick of wood made it easier to avoid thinking of why he wanted... _what_ he wanted. If he had seen or smelled the blood that gushed from my Bella, there would have been no stopping him and no saving her, nor our son.

My brother's uncertain self-control was far from the only danger. Something else was horribly wrong, I knew it, but with Bella convulsing in my sister's arms, and blood pouring from her mouth and nose, I was unable to identify what could possibly be worse than what I was already seeing.

"I can't breathe." The words were forced from my throat, though I hadn't meant to speak them. My chest was heaving as though I needed the air I was gulping in. The scent of blood surrounded me, and my throat burned with renewed thirst, but that wasn't the problem.

 _You don't need to._ Rose tore her eyes from Bella's convulsing body to look at me in confusion.

Panicking in earnest, EJ felt a tightness in his chest which he didn't understand and a pressure behind his eyes which caused spots to flare and burst. He flung his arms and legs out, for the first time feeling something other than safe within his womb. No longer snug, it was stifling, smothering, and far too small. His hands and feet impacted the tough membrane which surrounded him, and each one was accompanied by the sickening snap of Bella's bones.

Unencumbered by my immobility, Rosalie scooped Bella into her arms and sprinted for the exam room. "Alice! Call Carlisle!"

"He'll never make it here in time," I said as I lurched to my feet and followed her up the stairs.

"Doesn't matter! He can talk me through it. Can't be that hard. Just be ready to bite her as soon as he's out."

"Let me do it now!" I was on her heals, my hands itching to sweep them both into my arms. Did Rosalie have to move so _slow?_ She was certainly talking fast enough.

"Are you certain that won't hurt him?"

"How can it? He already has venom in him."

"And you know that how? Because you and Carlisle made a few wild guesses about how you were able to get Bella pregnant? What if you're wrong, and your venom has nothing to do with the baby?"

"If you're wrong, you're unnecessarily risking Bella's life!"

"And if _you_ are, you're risking his. Bella wouldn't agree to it, and you know it."

I growled my sister's name as she laid Bella onto the hospital bed.

 _Stop arguing. You're wasting time! Scalpel!_ She lunged for the drawer where the syringe full of my venom rested among the surgical tools Carlisle had laid out.

"Morphine!" I shouted in desperation. She couldn't object to that!

She nodded, and for one wild moment, I thought she was going for Bella's throat, but her hands only grabbed the collar of Bella's shirt so that she could rip it out of the way. The morphine I had already prepared when attempting to run away with her was laying beside the other syringe, and I snatched it up, flicking the cap off and jabbing it into her arm in the same motion.

"Alice!" Rosalie screeched as she had yet to respond. "Get Carlisle on the phone!"

My tiny sister had been motionless, trying in vain to see something, _anything,_ that would reassure her that our family would survive this. Rose's yell brought her back to the here and now, and she sprang from the floor of the living room, but after confirming that she was doing as Rose had asked, I tuned out her thoughts. Bella had turned to Rosalie to save her life, and that of our child, and it would be up to Rose to do exactly that, to perform a surgery neither of us were qualified for.

Rosalie dropped the scalpel she had grabbed and struggled to keep an unconscious Bella on the table; her body was rocking so hard from the violence of EJ's struggles Rose was having trouble doing so. She turned to me with a frantic look in her eyes.

"What's _happening,_ Edward?"

"He's suffocating!" As soon as I said the words, I realized it hadn't been me who was unable to breathe; it was the baby.

"The placenta must have detached!"

To my horror, Bella heard us and screamed, "Get him OUT! He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

She wanted us to perform surgery without any pain killers? Wasn't she in enough pain already? I tried to object, "The morphine - "

"NO! NOW!"

Her words were cut short as her body convulsed and forced more blood from her stomach. Before she could aspirate it, I was lifting her head and wiping her mouth. Her eyes rolled while I tried to keep her upright and breathing; she wasn't the only one who needed oxygen. Our son wasn't my priority, though. No matter what she said, Bella _had_ to live!

The sight of Bella's naked body covered in purple and yellow bruises was no less horrifying now than the morning after our wedding when I'd discovered what I'd done in my carelessness. Her beautiful skin, once silky smooth and clear to the point of translucence, was now sunken in places and stretched thin in others. A dark blotch was spreading on the side nearest me from the damage our unborn baby was doing in his distress.

My silent heart leapt when Rose gasped my father's name in relief, but instead of the comforting sight of Carlisle striding calmly over to save my Bella, I saw Alice, her eyes growing darker with each step, backing slowly toward the door, and Jacob, who stared at Bella and looked like he was struggling not to get sick.

"No." Rose shook her head, and her hair shifted to reveal the blue earbud which Alice had brought. "She's not in labor. I think something tore. Something inside her. And then the baby started kicking, and she's bleeding, it's everywhere, and he's breaking her, but I don't think he's strong enough, he's not coming out, he's just suffocating, and I don't know if I can - I don't know how to - "

My father voice as it came from the wireless speaker was tinny, but full of his usual sure authority as he cut across Rose's increasingly frantic words. "Have you given her morphine already?"

"Yes, yes. Edward insisted on it."

"Then do it, Rosalie. Get the babe out so that it stops doing more damage. You will not hurt her more than he already is. Edward will be able to change her when you are through. Hold your breath, start low, and make the incision horizontally from left to right. Do not think about it. Just _do it."_

My sister set her teeth and retrieved the scalpel. Bella still seemed to feel every movement EJ was making in his frantic attempts to escape from the womb which had become his prison, which meant she would feel anything Rosalie did, too. Shouldn't the drug have knocked her out by now?

 _Stupid!_ It might have if I had injected it into her vein and not the muscle! But another dose could do more harm than good.

"Let the morphine spread!"

"There's no time. He's dying!"

Before I could form another objection, Rosalie ran the scalpel across Bella's stomach. My beloved jerked, and her eyes widened, but she was still choking on blood and unable to cry out. I was doing my best to prop her up, thinking that would help her breathe, or else I would have knocked the scalpel from Rosalie's hands. Surely just another few seconds for the medication to kick in wouldn't have hurt him!

The instant the blade pierced Bella's skin, her blood welled up. She was already bleeding so much internally that it seemed Rosalie had severed an artery, though she'd barely scratched her skin. Surrounded as we had been for days by the scent of exposed blood and covered as we all were now by the blood which Bella had thrown up, it was shocking the way her scent overpowered all the others. The rich bouquet which was so uniquely Bella filled the small room as though it were the only scent in the world.

My venom may as well have been gasoline the way my throat ignited with the first drop, but for Rosalie, who had never tasted human blood, who had no inhibition against biting Bella specifically, the blood pouring from Bella's stomach was a sight she couldn't resist. Opposing needs warred within her. She was a woman who had long mourned the absence of a child in her life, and killing Bella would kill the child within her. Yet she was also a vampire, and Bella's blood was the only thing that would put out the conflagration which seared her mouth and throat.

It had been weeks since her last meal, and her resistance to blood had been pushed to its limit over the past few days. The fire inside her spread from her throat to her stomach, to her unbeating heart, and into her brain. Her thoughts turned red, and Rosalie's lips pulled back from her teeth as instinct took over.

"No, Rose!" How could I protect Bella from my sister when she was in my arms, needing my support?

My shout had at least gotten her attention, but she couldn't leave. If she tried to move on her own, she would launch herself at Bella, but if she stayed, she would succumb after just another beat or two from Bella's struggling heart.

Jacob's eyes snapped to Rosalie's face. He saw her expression and knew it for what it was. Without hesitating, without phasing, he threw himself at my sister.

Yet another instinct flared within her: self-preservation. There was a werewolf, albeit in human form, sailing through the air to attack her. Her body demanded that she protect it from the dangerous monster, but she locked her muscles and refused to act, either to kill Bella or to save herself from Jacob.

He crashed into her, and she let him.

Confident that he had her under control, and hearing Alice streaking up the stairs with no thought other than stopping Rose, I pushed my sisters from my mind. So long as neither of them were after Bella, they weren't important. It was my Bella who needed my help.

Wiping the blood away from her mouth with my hands was only smearing it about. There had to be gauze in the drawers! I snatched some up, cautioning myself not to remove her skin along with the blood I was cleaning away. Being careful and gentle with her had never been more difficult, nor more important; my speed and strength would do little good if I killed her in my attempt to save her. Once they were no longer stained red, I was shocked to find her lips had a definite blue tint. There was nothing blocking her airway as far as I could tell, but her chest only seemed to move because EJ was flailing about.

"Come on, Bella, breathe!"

All the times I had said those words before had been accompanied by an intake of breath, why not this time? Maybe she couldn't? Had he kicked her ribs into her lungs after all? I was only grateful her heart was still beating, though every throb of the struggling muscle pushed more of her blood from the incision Rosalie had made.

If I tried to breathe for her, I would taste the blood on her lips and in her mouth, even if only a trace remained. I was in control for now and had no intention of draining her, but I didn't trust myself _that_ far. Tearing my eyes away from Bella's blue lips, I looked around for anyone who could help. Alice had Rosalie by the throat and was dragging her into the hall. Rose wasn't resisting, her frenetic thoughts bouncing from not moving, to running away, to fighting - either to attack or defend - and to giving in to the call of human blood at long last.

Coloring everything was her nearly overwhelming fear of failing this biggest test of her existence. Only too familiar with the hazards of uncontrolled fear, I thought, perhaps, if she were to calm down, she might be useful again. I could have used her help!

"Alice, get her out of here! Take her to Jasper and _keep_ her there! Jacob, I need you!" I shouted, grateful that there was at least one person present who was not drawn to Bella's blood.

Why was the mutt just _standing_ there watching my sisters?

For once, they all did as I asked. Rose remained motionless and allowed Alice to drag her down the stairs to where Jasper was waiting on the porch, his gift already reaching out to help us all. My own fear dwindled, but the reason behind it was writhing on the table before me, her fingers grasping weakly at nothing, the bruises spreading to cover her entire abdomen, her heart growing louder as it struggled to compensate for the oxygen she wasn't getting.

Jacob had somehow ended up with the scalpel embedded in his arm. He yanked it out as he hastened over to stand with Bella between us.

"CPR?" Surely living by the ocean, he would have been taught that basic skill.

"Yes!" he agreed to my relief, but he didn't move. His eyes searched my face and compared it with his memory of Rose loosing control a moment ago.

"Get her breathing," I snapped. If I was going to bite Bella before EJ was delivered, didn't he think I would have done so already? "I've got to get him out before - "

Our son had been growing more desperate in his struggles. He twisted himself about to face the bright light above and thrust hard with his feet while his fingers tried to push through. The sound of Bella's spine breaking was like a canon's fire to his ears, and he pulled his limbs back to himself, but the damage was done. Bella's legs fell to the table, lifeless. Jacob's eyes met mine, and I saw a mirror of my own horror on his face.

"Her spine."

"Get it _out_ of her!" He threw the scalpel at me, and I caught it automatically. "She won't feel anything now!"

He was right, I realized. The broken spine would serve better than an epidural.

Jacob leaned over Bella's head, checking that her mouth was clear, and he did for her what I could not. He pressed his mouth to Bella's and exhaled, forcing life-giving oxygen into Bella's lungs. The change in her heart was instant, and he breathed into her mouth again.

I had been prepared for the sight - it wasn't a kiss. What I hadn't been prepared for was tasting Bella's mouth through his thoughts.

Oh, bloody Hell. Didn't he realize there was a telepathic vampire listening to him thinking about the blood on her lips? Did he really have to focus on how it _tasted?_

Bella's chest rose and fell, and then again when Jacob forced more air into her lungs. Her heart throbbed unevenly and blood dripped to the floor from the slice Rose had made. The thumps from within her stomach were growing weaker; if he hadn't delivered himself by this point, he wasn't going to. I was going to have to bite through the membrane EJ fought against, even if I didn't have to bite _her._

Jacob breathed for Bella once more, yet still I hesitated to act. I wouldn't be tasting the partially digested and chemically treated blood of some unknown donor which Jacob was grimacing over.

It would be **hers**. Bella's blood.

Already it called to me, drew me toward her stomach like a fountain of life-giving water in a desert oasis. The thought of once again drinking the nectar that flowed within her veins was intoxicating in itself. Worse, I already knew exactly how good it would feel to drink her blood again.

But, I also knew exactly how it would feel if she were to die.

She was my paradise, my salvation, my own personal angel, and the fire that had grown to burn in my very veins was as nothing when compared with what I would experience upon her loss.

Bella was counting on me to save our son, and then to save _her._

To save her.

I had to save Bella's life.

Which meant, I had to deliver the child I had given her.

Start low, Carlisle had said. Make the incision horizontal, from left to right.

I drew the scalpel over the shallow cut Rose had started, but in one move, I sliced all the way through the remaining layers to expose the inhuman material which surrounded our son. I tried to cut through it too, but the knife grated across the membrane as though it were made of stone.

Well, I had already known it would have to be done with teeth.

Determined not to fail her this time, I drew close to the open wound, to the source of the blood flowing from her. Before I dared taste her, I brought forth my memories of Bella on Esme's island. The sound of her laughter on our honeymoon soothed the fire in my veins even now, when it was only an echo in my mind.

Better even than that was the sound of her coughing and drawing a breath of her own, though she didn't respond to Jacob's demands that she live.

The grating of metal on metal as my teeth tore through the membrane hurt EJ's ears. He felt the swoosh of fluid as it rushed out of the opening I'd made. It wasn't big enough for him to fit through, and he cringed away from the horrible screeching it made as I tore the hole wider. I got the first glimpse of our child and reached into my beloved's body to bring him into the world.

My cold skin was shocking to him; he'd never felt anything other than the warmth of Bella. I worked his head through the hole I'd made - he had a lot of hair! - and the rest of him followed easily.

Our son was born at last.

Or... no. Bella had been wrong.

I whispered our daughter's name, "Renesmee."


	46. Reborn

**46\. Reborn**

Chocolate eyes met mine. A crease formed between them as she studied my face. Her tiny heart fluttered wildly, like a caged bird seeking freedom. Her chest rose and fell, and each breath seemed to surprise her, but there was no welcoming wail of a human baby protesting its birth. Beneath the covering of blood, there was a definite warmth to her skin tone. No pale-skinned vampire, this. Her uneven lips were a miniature copy of her mother's, a match as exact as her eye color.

I already knew she had perfectly shaped hands - I had seen the delicate fingers, each with a crescent nail, while she was still snug in her womb - but now I saw her little feet and ten tiny toes. Her proportions were off for what I would have expected of a newborn baby. Her legs were long and her torso rather short, so that she looked more like a small child than an infant, but despite that - or perhaps because of that - she looked perfect, like a little porcelain doll. I almost expected her to put her feet down and try to walk, the way a foal would stand and run within minutes of its birth.

She was too busy watching me to attempt to stand. Through my daughter's eyes, I saw my awed expression. She wasn't interested in the blood smeared on my face. It was my eyes she stared into, and my hair, mouth, and neck she glanced at those few times her eyes left mine.

For a long moment, completely oblivious of the fact that I was covered in blood, or that my beloved was still bleeding on the table before me, or that the birth of the child was not the end of the birth, I stood immobile as I watched my newborn daughter recognize me. I fit the shadow she knew, and she remembered my voice saying her name before, though it had been muffled at the time.

Renesmee knew me. Seconds old, and my daughter knew me.

Why had I ever doubted Bella? I knew I never would again.

Bella. _Bella!_

I was brought back to reality a moment before Bella said, "Let me..."

She was lifting her hands, reaching weakly for the baby she had been so determined to have. I made to pass her to Bella as she was, but stopped and nearly burst out laughing at myself for being as dazed as any new father. There were a few matters to attend to before Bella could hold our daughter.

Renesmee wasn't surprised in the least to find herself suddenly in the crook of my arm so I could finish her delivery. I hesitated only briefly before tying off and biting through the cord. I'd bitten through the protective membrane that had surrounded her; this was no different, really.

When Bella whispered, "Give her to me," I was able to lay Renesmee against her mother's chest. She hadn't been cleaned the way a child born in a hospital would have been prior to letting the mother hold it, but I didn't think Bella would care. She was already covered in the blood she had thrown up; what difference would a little more make?

Bella's chocolate eyes had been searching the room, apparently without seeing anything, but as soon as Renesmee was nestled against her, she focused on the babe. Not even Jacob's negative thoughts could taint this moment. My beloved wife was holding our newborn baby. Never had I dreamed I would see such a thing, and my eyes drank in the picture they made.

The pregnancy had taken its toll on Bella well before Renesmee had begun breaking her bones. Her curves had become angles, the fine lines of her frame were now visible through her delicate skin, and the rosy glow which should have become more pronounced with pregnancy had faded, leaving her skin pale and waxy. Her lips were cracked and colorless, but they turned up at the corners.

She had sacrificed her health to bring our daughter into the world, secure in her knowledge that I would never allow her to die. Despite all the blood and the damage her body had taken, she had never looked more beautiful.

Bella crooned at the babe on her chest. She slid her arm up to curl around Renesmee, though she didn't seem to have the strength to do more than that.

Indeed, she barely seemed to have the strength to speak, but that didn't stop her from trying. "Renes... mee. So... beautiful."

The instinct to suck was strong in all newborn mammals, and whether newly changed or newly born, a vampire child was no different. Renesmee nuzzled Bella's breast and turned her head to seek the nourishment her body knew Bella could provide. Unlike a human child, Renesmee was born with a full set of razor-sharp teeth. And, unlike a human child, it was not milk she sought from her mother. Though she hadn't been able to tear through the vampire skin-like membrane of her amniotic sac, she had no such trouble tearing through Bella's soft flesh.

Bella gasped, and my mouth filled with the taste of her, as though her blood wasn't already covering me. I slid a finger in between them to break her hold and gently scooped our baby girl back into my arms.

"No, Renesmee."

Her lips puckered, and the crease formed between her eyes when she looked at me once again. Her little arms waved and bobbed, her muscles unused to controlling them just yet, but she held one up as though reaching for me. I smiled to take away the sting from my quiet reprimand and caught the tiny hand so I could guide it to my cheek, which she seemed to want to touch.

A shockingly vivid memory of Bella's taste flooded my thoughts. I had a maddening urge to shove the baby into Jacob's hands so I would be unencumbered and free to quench the fire in my veins with the one substance guaranteed to satisfy, but the loud thumping which drove that urge gave only one more hard thud, and was still.

My eyes snapped back to Bella's face, but it was too late. The spark had faded from her beautiful chocolate eyes.

She was gone.

I barely had time to register the fact before Jacob's hands were in place.

 _One, two..._

No.

 _...three, four..._

No, she wasn't dead.

 _...breathe!_

Her heart had faltered before; it would stumble back to its uneven pace, and Bella would scold Jacob for overreacting. She would say she was fine and then tell me I had no reason to wait anymore. It was time to change her.

 _One, two, three..._

She was **fine!**

Refusing to acknowledge what my eyes had just seen, I riffled through the drawers for something to wrap around Renesmee. She was chilly enough just in being removed from her mother's warm body, though she didn't seem to mind my own cold touch. I tucked her back into the crook of my arm so I could clean Bella up one-handed, delivering the placenta and wrapping it up to be burned later.

Jacob had breathed for Bella once more when he growled, "What are you waiting for?"

"Take the baby." I needed my hands, but I couldn't just put her on the _floor_. Why, with all that Carlisle had brought home, had he not brought one of the hospital's rolling bassinets?

"Throw it out the window."

Damn it! I'd thought he was over his prejudices!

"Give her to me."

I instinctively snarled at my sister. How had she gotten away from Alice? Jacob snarled as well, but didn't pause his furious pumping.

 _One, two, three, four..._

"I've got it under control," Rosalie assured us.

Jacob didn't spare her a glance, but I held her eyes, warily measuring her intent. Renesmee was only wrapped up, not cleaned. If Rosalie was not in complete control, if she was the least bit shaky... She couldn't have fed yet. Her eyes were a flat black that would have made her look dangerous under normal circumstances, but her hands were steady, and her thoughts clear.

"Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella..."

She trailed off, but her mind held an image I was all too familiar with. This time I didn't mind; I _hoped_ to see Bella pale and with the red eyes of a newborn vampire in only a few days' time. And from Rose, there was no hint of condemnation. Her objections to Bella's wish to join our family had vanished with that hurried phone call to plea for protection.

I gave her a quick smile along with the hastily-wrapped baby and threw myself toward the drawer where my venom waited. I couldn't fault Rose for the triumphant grin which spread across her face as she strode away with her prize. Though I wanted to follow Renesmee's mind, she was in good hands. It was my Bella who needed me now.

"Move your hands, Jacob," I warned.

His eyes darted to the syringe I held, but his rhythmic pumping of Bella's heart didn't stop. "What's that?"

I didn't have time to wait for him to move and knocked him aside. I knew exactly where her heart lay, and plunged the needle directly into the silent muscle.

"My venom," I answered as I pushed it into her heart. The reaction it had was instant and caused my own silent heart to leap with hope, though neither one came back to life.

 _Work,_ I thought fiercely. _Come on, work, damn it! Why isn't she waking?_

The answers came to me as soon as I asked myself the question. Her heart wasn't beating, and I hadn't bit her. Of _course_ she wasn't waking! Bella had known even this: to change her, I would have to bite her.

"Keep it moving," I snapped and was glad to see him immediately resume his pumping of her heart. There was a definite difference to the sound of the blood he forced the muscle to push now. Like we were trying to revive an hours-old corpse, the blood sounded thick and congealed.

His eyes were on me as I placed my lips against her ear in a gentle kiss. I breathed words of love and apology into its perfect curl before sinking my teeth into my favorite spot on her throat.

Ah, _God!_

The rich Heaven that was Bella enveloped me and put me under its spell: freesia and lavender, sweetness and pure ecstasy, a thrumming in my stomach that demanded I fill it with the intoxicating elixir in my mouth. Unable to help myself, I swallowed the first mouthful and heard a groan of pleasure escape me.

My parched throat was bathed in liquid light. The tingling of a waking limb covered my body, and if I could have opened my eyes, I wouldn't have been surprised to see my stone flesh covered in raised bumps with every hair standing on end.

My eyes stung, but not with unshed tears; the smallest taste had been enough to tint them red. As the blood rushed to shift the color of my eyes, the monster I had killed months earlier opened his once more and stared back at me. The part of me I'd thought I had slain had only slumbered, quiescent, and in swallowing Bella's blood - not just _human_ blood, but **_hers_** \- I'd revived him.

The rest of my body demanded its share of the blood it had been denied for too long. Already the single swallow I had taken was affecting me. I could feel strength surging through my muscles along with a new awareness of the blood being forced to flow in the human girl before me.

It had been just a tiny sampling of her life's essence, but the red haze hovering at the periphery of my mind threatened to overwhelm. And that smallest taste was hardly enough. There was far more than that leaking _wasted_ onto the floor, and liters more still within her.

But within her, it had to remain. Draining her blood would kill her.

But she was just a human, so what did that matter? I was a vampire; I was _supposed_ to kill my prey!

But Bella wasn't my prey; she was my _wife,_ the mother of my daughter, my own personal angel sent directly from Heaven to bring me back to life. _Me,_ not him.

But she was _already_ dead, and while I dallied, she cooled, ever so slightly.

 _No!_ She was not dead! I **would** save her!

Less than a second had passed since my teeth had pierced the skin of her throat. I fought to pry my jaw loose from her neck, but it had been over seventy years since last I'd bitten a human, and _he_ was not to be diverted so easily. He had been teased with the taste of her blood once before, after James had bitten her, and this time there was nothing tainting her perfection. Even the morphine hadn't fully circulated yet.

Yes, he _had_ been thwarted once before! If I did it then, when I hadn't even begun to understand how complete my bond with Bella was, surely I could do so now. I'd stopped myself from draining her to save her from James. I'd stopped myself from biting her when we'd made love. I _would_ stop now!

I pulled myself away from her with a gasp. A low moan of pain escaped me as I watched a rivulet of blood trickle down her neck from the gashes my teeth had made. There was a shimmer of silver along with the red. I hadn't gotten enough of the venom into her, and the blood was washing the open wound clean. Perhaps it would have been enough to change her if I'd had time to wait, but she was dying, and I wasn't taking any chances.

My venom was flowing thickly now, and it was easy enough to spread more across the wound. It was less easy to stop myself from licking her entire throat clean, but at least I'd gotten another taste. And would get another when I bit her again!

No, that was the monster talking. But he was right, nonetheless. If injecting my venom straight into her heart hadn't been enough, a single, shallow bite could not have been good enough either, especially if most of the venom had run down her neck.

Jacob hadn't seemed to notice any hesitation between the first bite and the second, though it felt to me as though hours had passed between the two.

 _...there's no putting her together again..._ the monster taunted.

The struggle to let go was no easier the second time, but I was bolstered by the knowledge that I _had_ done it. That I _was_ doing it! A third time and a fourth, I bit my beloved Bella. Each time, I licked the wound after forcing my jaw to let go so that I might spread the flood of venom across the tears my teeth made in her soft skin.

 _...all the king's horses and all the king's men..._

The additional venom was doing its job peripherally. The wounds closed seconds after I moved on, yet Jacob still had to breathe for her and force her heart to beat.

 _...there's nothing there. It's just me and him._

I wished I could know if it was working where she needed it most. Never before had I held any desire to hear my Bella cry, but I prayed now for her to wake up and scream from the agony of transformation.

 _...working over a corpse..._

The extra pain that thought caused was shocking, but if anything, it strengthened my resolve. I could deal with the pain of not drinking her blood a Hell of a lot easier than I could take the mere idea of her dying.

 _...all that's left of the girl we both loved._

But the monster hadn't loved her; **I** had. I did. I always would.

 _...t_ _his broken, bled-out, mangled corpse. It's too late. She's dead. The pull is gone._

Whatever he might have said, the drive to save her only grew stronger. Hardly gone, the pull Bella exerted over me redoubled as I bit her yet again.

 _...or maybe **moved** is the better word..._

I glared at Jacob as his hands slowed and the rhythmic pace faltered.

 _...leave and never come back!_

"Go then," I spat and shoved him aside so I could push her heart instead. "She's not dead. She's going to be fine."

He could give up on her, and why not? He'd given her up numerous times before. She'd never been his. Letting her go, as hard as he might think it to be, was as simple for him as turning around and walking away.

Not me.

Bella was _mine!_ She'd given herself to _me!_ There was nothing that would ever change that fact. We belonged to each other, and it was up to me to save her now, to do for her what Jacob never could have, to give her a new life, even after her death.

Carlisle had only bit my neck and wrists. Already I had bit her twice that number, not to mention the volume I'd injected directly into her heart, but still it only moved because I forced it to do so. I'd sealed the bite wounds with venom, but suddenly realized there was another wound which I had yet to close.

Forcing my hands to stop their rhythmic pumping, I threw myself toward Bella's stomach to slather my venom all over the incision Rosalie had started. The gaping hole in my beloved's body wasn't going to close fast enough on its own, so I held it shut while the venom did its job.

Damn Jacob, anyway! Why had that mutt left? I needed him to keep her heart moving while I tended to the rest of her!

When I could safely take my hands away from her stomach, I laid one on her stick-thin leg and bit her inner thigh where I had once placed kisses. I sank my teeth deep, seeking the artery, and knew the instant I found it. Richer by far than the interstitial blood, or even what I'd found in her neck, the blood in her femoral artery was laden with oxygen and oh, so sweet, and was flavored with a spicy honey I would know anywhere.

Heartened that my venom was moving through her, I kept going, biting her legs as I had her arms before returning to pump her heart for her.

"You're not dead," I insisted as I worked. "You're fine. You'll be fine."

One, two, three, four, breathe!

This time I didn't hesitate to seal my mouth around hers. Her chest rose and fell.

One, two, three...

Vaguely aware that I was the one saying it, I heard a voice chanting words of denial in time to my pumping. "You're _not_ dead. You'll be fine. It'll work. It _will_ work!"

I blew into her mouth again.

"Come on, Bella, breathe!"

And again.

"Come _on!"_

 _Maybe if I bit her a few more times,_ I thought wildly and sank my teeth into her neck once more. There was a place along her side I'd missed, and I had bit one shoulder, but not the other. And there, on her leg, was another place I had not bitten. Finally, I moved to bite her breast right over her silent heart, the crescents from my teeth making gashes to match those Renesmee had left on the other one.

But from her heart, there was nothing.

Or maybe I was just missing it. Maybe... Maybe in pushing her heart for her, I hadn't heard it picking up the rhythm on its own.

"You're not dead." I tried to deny that Jacob could have been right, that she was gone, that there was nothing of _her_ left. My trembling fingers cupped her expressionless face, but hard as I listened, Bella's heart remained silent.

"No, please, please, _please,_ Bella. Come on, Bella, you _have_ to live."

She didn't draw a breath.

"Please, baby, come back to me. _Please!"_

My beloved Bella lay still and silent on the table before me, covered in her own blood, as well as that which she had thrown up. Silvery bite marks marred her from her throat to her feet, and I had _tasted_ my venom running in her artery, so I knew it was circulating.

Or, it would have been if her heart was beating.

I moaned as I threw myself back toward her chest and desperately started the rhythm again. One, two, three, four, breathe! One, two, three, four, breathe! One, two, three...

It must have been a trick of the light that made her eyelid seem to twitch. I was certain I was imagining it when my fingers felt a flutter. Nonetheless, I paused, a motionless statue hovering over an equally motionless human girl.

But, no!

I gasped in stunned disbelief when I felt the flutter again. Not motionless after all! So slight the human eye would surely have missed it, her chest rose and fell on its own. My shoulders were shaking, but my hands were still as I waited to feel her heart move again. I couldn't hold back the sob of relief when the powerful muscle within her chest stopped fluttering and started galloping.

With the next, deeper inhalation, I was sure would come the screaming I had dreaded for so long, but now ached to hear. Her heart raced, and her chest rose and fell and rose again, but nothing more.

What had I done wrong? She was alive, damn it! Her heart beat; she drew breath! So, why didn't she wake?

My fingers traced her face, searching frantically for any sign that the girl I loved had come back to me, but her eyes stared sightlessly, and her body was motionless other than her heart and lungs.

"Bella? Bella, can you hear me?"

The debates Carlisle and I had indulged in over the decades came back to mock me. Her body might live, but that alone didn't mean Bella was alive if that which had made her _her_ was gone. We had always been opposites; her light to my dark, her purity to my stain, but never like this. My heart didn't beat; hers did. I didn't need oxygen; she did. But I couldn't deny the proof before my eyes. That alone didn't mean life. It was her soul which had animated her and her soul which had gone.

God, no. Not me alive and her dead. Not her dead and me alive! **_No!_**

My hands chaffed her legs, trying to stimulate her circulation. I rubbed up and down her arms and sides. My fingertips traced the intricate musculature of her delicate face.

Her eyelid had definitely twitched. If I'd felt her heart - and I _had_ \- then my eyes must not have been playing tricks, either. Still, it was hard to trust them when they burned with Bella's blood, when the vivid colors they could pick up were magnified everywhere except for in the human girl who lay pale, as colorless as she was lifeless. I wanted to see her move so badly, my eyes flickered up and down her broken body, looking for any sign of movement.

But there was nothing.

I laid my hand over her heart, feeling the reassuring strength in the rhythmic thumping. I didn't understand; Carlisle had never mentioned this possibility. He had recounted how his silence had saved him from discovery during his change, but he'd said nothing of remaining motionless. Why had I not grilled Carlisle for any hint he'd picked up during his years in Italy on how to successfully create a fledgling?

I kept discovering new strengths within her, but this seemed less like her doing and more like my own.

I had failed my Bella yet again!

If I hadn't stopped to gape at our baby, I could have - _should have!_ \- bitten her before her heart stopped. Why had I hesitated?

I'd thought it would be simple. New vampires were created all the time _by accident._ Surely I could do it on purpose with ease. Had I'd killed her in my arrogance?

Like a body plugged into life support with various machines to breathe for them and others to keep their blood circulating, she wasn't truly here anymore. If I could have taken my venom away, there would be no mockery of life within the body of the girl who held my breaking heart.

Yet, her heart _beat._ Steady, hard, fast, and showing no signs of faltering or stumbling to a halt once more. It had taken time for Rosalie's thoughts to become coherent during her change, but she'd had injuries to her head. Bella had sustained internal injuries at least as bad as the ones Royce had inflicted, but _Bella's_ head had not been touched.

Bella had been awake and aware after James had bitten her, and that had only been the one time. Broken bones or not, she should have been writhing and screaming in agony. Rosalie and Emmett had been broken, and far too aware of their conditions.

There was no point in biting her yet again. I could see the spider webbing of silver spreading along the fine network of veins from every place where I'd torn her perfect skin with my teeth. I'd tasted my venom in her blood. I'd injected a good twenty milliliters of it straight into her heart. Carlisle had spoken of minute amounts required to start the process, and I had given her much more than that.

The venom which I had expected to heal her - and I could _see_ it working, damn it! - was only preserving her physical form. Without _her_ to animate it, to give her body direction and purpose, she may as well have been dead.

At a loss for anything else to do, I reached almost automatically for the reassuring thoughts of my family, particularly Alice. Surely she would be able to see Bella now that the baby was out of her. But Alice wasn't even trying to see the future. The fuzzy visions which bothered Alice so had vanished entirely with Jacob's presence.

Or I supposed it could have been due to the number of werewolves swarming toward our house with murder on their minds. They weren't after Bella this time - whom they believed to be dead - they were after the demons, the killers, the red-eyed monsters.

They were after my daughter, and they were after me.


	47. Kill Her, Kill Me

**47\. Kill Her, Kill Me**

There was nothing more I could do for my Bella right now. Her heart pushed my venom through her body. Whatever the outcome, it would take days for the full change, and the werewolves were not intending to wait that long.

Her eyes stared sightlessly. I carefully closed the lids and paused to watch her as I had so many times before. She almost could have been sleeping, but for her racing heart. My lips brushed against her forehead.

"You're alright. You'll be alright," I murmured before turning away. My feet might have touched three of them as I hurtled down the stairs, shouting for my siblings along the way.

Alice and Jasper had returned to the porch, which was as close to all the blood in the house as he was willing to get. In the time I had spent trying to revive Bella, Rosalie had cleaned Renesmee and fed her a bottle. My daughter was safe with my sister. She would never allow anything to happen to her or her mother, and I was more grateful than ever for the family I was blessed with.

"Deal with it later, Jacob; I need you! Rose! Stay with Bella and the baby. Protect them."

Jacob had slumped to the floor in a daze. My shouts and sudden appearance had not roused him from his stupor, but I didn't have time to cater to his grief.

"Let's _go,"_ I snapped as I hastened past him. "Sam's pack is almost here to..."

I paused midstride. At the mention of the other pack, Jacob's whirlwind thoughts came to an abrupt focus. And at their center: Renesmee. An image of a girl very like Bella - but who was definitely _not_ \- was surrounded by a kaleidoscope of color. His complete and instant connection to her shocked me with its intensity, despite having seen evidence of it in his kind before.

He had loathed my daughter as the monster who had killed Bella only moments earlier. Had even told me to throw her out the window! And now he wished to protect her? _Her,_ not Bella!

I turned to stare at him incredulously. "You _did_ **_what?"_**

"Edward." Jacob's voice broke, and he swallowed spasmodically while he slowly rose to his feet. I didn't move, but he held his hands up and took a step back, and for good reason. The fury I felt was evident on my blood-stained face. Jasper crouched and snarled in reaction, though as yet, he could see nothing from which he needed to defend himself.

My hands shot out, and I hurled him across the room before I could consider the consequences of attacking the mutt within feet of my newborn daughter. Jacob's bones made a satisfying crunch as he hit the wall hard and slid to the floor, where he stayed. Without bothering to explain myself to Rosalie - who wasn't sure whether to be angry or not, considering it had been Jacob I'd thrown - I stormed from the house.

"Protect them!" I shouted over my shoulder.

The _nerve_ of that _dog!_ How did he _dare?_ Why did he always have to lay claim to that which was mine? Renesmee belonged to me! Me and Bella!

The mutt wasn't an immediate threat to my family. I'd deal with his gall later. For now, the pack of wolves prowling through the forest demanded my attention. I didn't need to tell Jasper where the threat was anymore. Their reflective eyes shone like lanterns in the gloom which surrounded our house.

"We're outnumbered." My brother wasn't bothering to hold his breath now. The scent of human blood only served to heighten his hunting instincts, including the need to defend his prey.

"By a lot," Alice added.

It would be neither the first nor the last time I would fight to protect those I loved. Although I would have preferred to fight alongside the wolves rather than against them, I didn't hesitate say, "I _won't_ let them hurt my family."

Black on black in the moonless night, an immense wolf stepped deliberately into a square of light cast onto the lawn by our wide windows.

 _...covered in her blood. Flaunting it!_

 _...knew his c_ _laims of love were false..._

... _forgetting how bad they stink, ugh!_

 _...some twisted game to break up the years..._

 _...can't trust a vampire!_

 _..._ _Bella's blood... man, that's sick._

 _We would not attack without just cause..._

 _...and we have one! _ **Bella!**__

The volume from their growls almost hurt my ears as, together, the pack surged from the shadows.

Alice had no need of her gift to know what her mate expected of her. She evaded multiple wolves to take to the trees while he met one head-on. He grabbed it by the ruff around its neck and heaved. It went flying, and he was dodging another's bite to kick it away before the first had landed. My brother was a trained soldier, a fighter whose equal I had yet to meet, and his wife and our family were being threatened. I doubted there was a creature alive who could best him today.

When Sam had been planning his attack days earlier, it had been his intention to take me on himself, and that hadn't changed with Jacob's defection. His strategy was easy to guess: one to harry the tiny girl whose prescience was negated by the pack, three to take out the soldier, and three - including the Alpha - to take down the telepath.

While Alice evaded and Jasper engaged, I waited patiently for the big, black wolf to come to me. Loud as their growls were, they didn't entirely drown out their thoughts, and there was nothing which they could do to prevent me from seeing.

My eyes never leaving his, I braced almost automatically for Sam, but he was not the one whom I was truly watching. I looked to be an easy and unsuspecting target as far as the others were concerned. One, Paul, circled to one side of me while one of the others, Embry, went around the other way. Their plan was for the two of them to remove my arms while Sam relieved me of my head.

I didn't intend to give them that chance.

The two leapt at me without a coordinating signal I detected, but the hint of movement I caught as they crouched to spring gave me plenty of time to shoot forward. Paul and Embry collided behind me. They were shaking their heads as I bounded over Sam's back, his teeth snapping inches from my feet. There was a wolf about to pounce on my brother, and I kicked a hind leg as I landed. He let out a yelp and stumbled away, but I didn't wait to see how badly I'd injured him. Sam and his two brothers were converging on me once again.

... _shake it off, Quil..._

 _...yeah, shake it, baby!_

 _...sniff my furry butt, Embry-o..._

 _...you two stop playing around!_

The wolf Jasper had been fighting was left to wonder where his opponent had gone when a high pitched shriek cut through the constant rumble of snarls and growls. The instant Alice's scream had reached him, Jasper launched himself at the one who had her pinned. She had a grip on the fur and loose skin around his jowls as he snapped and slobbered. His claws were sinking into the skin of one arm, and given another minute he would have torn it off, leaving him free to use his teeth, but Jasper's foot launched him into the air.

Leaves and dirt flew up around his giant paws when he landed, scrambled for purchase, and skidded to a stop. He crouched low, his lips pulled away from his teeth, and all the hairs along his hackles stood up. He snarled and snorted in defiance at Jasper, but hesitated to engage him further. Jasper used his gift to increase the wolf's fear just slightly. Fear was a dangerous emotion in excess.

The holes his claws had made in Alice's skin healed before she was upright again. Neither of my siblings wasted time on thanks. A few of the pack were limping rather than stalking, but they were far from defeated as they circled the pair.

Slightly more cautious now, Sam and the two who were helping him converged on me. One of them remembered watching us train and the strategies they'd come up with for fighting a large group of newborns. I scoffed; those tactics wouldn't work on us! The other two tried once more to jump me, but instead of attempting another rush, they attacked one after the other.

Flinging myself to the ground so Paul launched himself over me, I sprang back up in plenty of time to hit Embry's side with the flat of my hand. He let out a squeal of pain and staggered away; I'd broken a few ribs. He wasn't out of the fight completely, but he had been slowed for the moment.

Fending off the other two had given Sam the time he needed. He butted me in the chest with the crown of his huge head. A grunt escaped me from the force of his impact. As big as he was, my arms couldn't encircle him. I grappled with him, but Alice had already discovered how useless gripping them by their fur and skin was. No matter how I pulled at him, there was more slack to be taken up. My feet made gouges in the ground as I was forced backward, and a noise like shredding metal assaulted my ears when his teeth tore into my shoulder.

I let out an involuntary snarl of pain, and my grip on his fur loosened. He shook me off, flung me onto the ground, and pounced on my chest.

Like Alice had been earlier, now I was pinned under the enormous paws of a werewolf. Unlike Alice, I wasn't acting to defend myself. My shoulder was only slightly damaged, and was healing already; I could have hit and kicked had I chosen, yet I did not.

Sam's mouth was wide, his growl fierce, and his instinct to take out the vampire strong, but the Quileute wolves were not the mindless werewolves of legend. Killing a man in cold blood - no matter how justified one might believe themselves to be - was not as easy as pictures made it seem. Though I would never allow him to harm Bella, I couldn't bring myself to truly damage him. Sam and I had never been friends, but I didn't consider him my enemy.

Not anymore.

I wasn't even sure now why I once had. He had only ever fought to defend and protect those he loved, and wasn't that what I had always done?

... _isn't he fighting back?_

He hesitated as we stared at each other.

I refrained from smiling with relief as I waited. The sound of my father's mental voice had never been more welcome than right now. Furious that a man whom he considered a friend was attacking his son, Carlisle rammed his shoulder into Sam's, knocking the surprised wolf away from me.

I was on my feet beside my father in an instant. His hand gripped my uninjured shoulder hard, but was gone before the wolves noticed the hasty embrace.

 _...can hear it beating, so she must have survived the birth..._

"Yes," I said curtly.

 _Thank God for that._

There wasn't time for much else. Our numbers had swelled from three to six with the return of my family, but the danger wasn't over. With more vampires in the fray, the wolves' instincts kicked into high gear. Their victory not quite so assured, any hesitation to attack which the youngest may have had vanished. Colin and Brady called encouragements to each other and slunk toward Alice and Esme.

Emmett held a grudge against Paul, who was equally eager to tests himself against the strongest member of my family. My big bear of a brother's reach was greater than mine, and Paul not quite as large as his leader, but still his arms didn't go all the way around the wolf's torso. That didn't stop him from spinning like a shot putter and hefting Paul toward one of the massive oaks which lined our lawn.

Paul twisted like a cat in mid-air, planted his feet against the tree he'd been thrown toward, and launched himself back at my brother. Emmett took to the trees to escape Paul's retaliation; hands were more useful for clinging to branches than a dog's paws. Emmett landed a solid blow to Paul's head when the wolf leapt up, mouth wide and ready to bite. He was flinging himself toward another tree while Paul shook his head, slightly dazed from Emmett's punch.

Sam and I may have hesitated to strike killing blows, but it was in neither man's nature to hold back. They were in the trees, so I couldn't see them directly, but when Paul's yip followed another sound of stone impacting flesh, I found myself less worried for my brother than for his opponent; _Emmett_ could be put back together again.

I couldn't interfere as I had my own fight to occupy me. With his lieutenant leaping at my brother, the two youngest eliciting screams from the two women, and Embry and Quil fending off Jasper, Sam was left with only Jared to face both me and my father.

Gentle he may have been, but our family was under attack, and Carlisle's low growls were made all the more frightening by their very lack of volume. He and I began backing away from them.

 _Can you see any way to end this without harming them?_

I shook my head.

 _Does Jasper have any ideas?_

I shook my head a second time.

 _Why do they attack now? Do they not hear Bella's heart beating?_

"They are not after her. Not yet, anyway."

 _The child._

"Yes."

Sam had suspected some silent communication between us, and my spoken words confirmed it. The huge, black wolf decided he would never get another chance like this to get past me. In his mind, Renesmee was the biggest threat, and it was her life he was determined to end, no matter the cost. Though I knew it to be a feint, he growled and leapt at me, instructing Jared to do the same to Carlisle.

A grey blur streaked across the lawn and aimed itself directly at Sam's heart. Leah hit her former lover in mid-leap, and the two tumbled across the grass. She was on her feet and backing toward me as she licked her nose and growled. I could only stare at her in shock. Prowling to give us warning was one thing; placing herself directly between me and her ex was not something I would ever have expected, especially after all she had said to Bella.

Seth's defense of Carlisle was less aggressive, but Jared pulled up short of attacking the lanky wolf who had bounded over to stand in front of my father. Teeth bared, head low, and ears laid flat, Seth swished his tail back and forth slowly. His brother could no longer hear Seth's words, but I could.

 _Stop! Stop this now! C'mon, guys, this is stupid._

Esme and Alice retreated to join us in front of the porch while Jasper protected their backs. He left four wolves dazedly shaking their heads from the confusion of emotions he was bombarding them with and a few well-aimed strikes to places which he knew were most sensitive to a natural wolf. Unable to help myself, I started snickering as I finally understood Jasper's summer-long fascination with the Nature Channel.

I locked eyes with the one nearest to me, enjoying how creepy he found my appearance. The black of my eyes was ringed with a red which matched the blood that painted my chin and throat. My clothes stuck to my skin from all the blood Bella had thrown up. They may have heard her heartbeat, but to them, it was one of many and not proof enough to counter what their eyes saw.

Head to toe, I was covered in the evidence of Bella's murder.

Branches snapped, something large creaked and then let go with an explosive blast, sending ripples of destruction through the nearby forest. Emmett landed beside me seconds before Paul staggered from the tree line. The wolf seemed perfectly fine, aside from the fact that he was listing slightly to one side as he trotted up to stand by his Alpha's right shoulder.

Emmett chuckled and pretended to crack his neck. _That was awesome..._

Our numbers the greater now, Leah, Seth, and my family arranged ourselves in front of the house. The addition of Leah and Seth had done more than tip the numbers in our favor; Sam could no more order Leah's death than that of her little brother.

Seemingly united, the pack growled as they slowly paced closer to us, but an argument was waging between them. My family kept glancing at me as I listened, but they followed my lead and didn't move.

 _...another chance like this..._

 _...treaty was law, and they've broken it!_

 _...laws can change..._

 _...not like jaywalkin'; we're talkin'_ lives _here..._

 _Yeah, our brothers'!_

 _...Jacob Black made his choice._

 _So can I!_

 _...cannot allow it to prey in our town! On our lands!_

 _...just make 'em leave..._

 _...so they can kill elsewhere? Nice, man, real nice._

 _...seen them kill anyone?_

 _Use your eyes, Embry! He's covered in her blood..._

 _...thought Jake was supposed to take care of it himself..._

 _...'member when Claire was born?_

 _...have to do with anything..._

 _Bella was pregnant, right?_

 _Duh! Ain't that the freakin' point?_

 _...is Jacob, anyway?_

 _...births are always gross._

 _...you be certain she's dead?_

 _...can you think she ain't? Lookit 'im!_

"Stop!" Jacob ran onto the porch, rotating his shoulder, which had healed from the damage I'd done. "It's over."

 _...t_ _he creature's dead!_

 _Yes!_

 _Way to go Jake!_

 _Now for it's father..._

Sam took a few steps in my direction, but Jacob blocked him.

"If you kill her, you kill me."

Sam lunged toward Jacob, lowered his head like a bull, and tossed him into the air.

Before Jacob landed, he had already phased. The clothes which Emmett had given him fluttered to the ground in tattered shreds as the massive wolf shook his russet fur out. Until now, seeing them together, I hadn't realized Jacob had surpassed Sam's height and girth considerably. He roared his defiance and stalked toward the smaller black wolf.

 _Bella is already dead!_

 _No, Bella is_ not _dead!_

 _Then he has broken the treaty, the_ law, _and_ _Bella will have to suffer the consequences for his betrayal._

 _ **She** doesn't matter anymore._

Sam's eyes widened as he looked back and forth between Jacob's, as though searching for one to provide him with a different explanation than that which was evident in his mind.

 _Renesmee won't hurt anyone, but if you kill her, you'll kill me, and then where will your precious laws be?_

As Sam took a step back, and then another, my family looked at me in confusion.

"Jacob imprinted."

 **_WHAT?_ **

I winced as the word was thrown at me from a dozen different minds.

"They can't touch her," I went on as I came to understand the repercussions of Jacob's attachment to my newborn daughter. The images in the mind of every wolf there made clear what would happen if Sam were to order the attack to continue, and why he and the rest of the pack began to slowly back away. "Whoever a wolf imprints on can't be harmed. It's their most absolute law."


	48. First Impressions

**48\. First Impressions**

Sam turned around first. He kept repeating the shocking truth to himself: The vampire child could not be harmed. Under any circumstances. To do so would tear the pack apart with grief.

But Jacob wasn't exactly part of their pack anymore.

How much would that matter if the child continued feasting only on human blood? If - _when_ \- it began killing humans, would the imprinting of a rival pack member matter to his own? Or did the imprint itself ensure the child would be benign? He could never believe a wolf would imprint on a born and bred human killer. Would my family's diet matter to the creature we had bred?

The others of Sam's pack followed their leader. Before the last of them had disappeared into the trees, Jacob turned to face me.

 _Well, bloodsucker? Gonna throw me against a wall again, or gimme a chance to explain?_ _Didn't Bella tell you about Quil and..._

"Bella!"

I was standing in the doorway of the exam room before Jacob realized I was no longer in front of him. An instant later, Carlisle's strong hand gripped my shoulder. My fingers had made splinters of the doorframe. There was nothing left of it to hold onto, really, but I couldn't let go. I was rooted to the spot by the sight of my Bella, covered in her own blood and my bite marks, still and lifeless, her body broken and delicate limbs splayed unnaturally.

 _...many times did he bite her?_

I let out a choked noise and pressed my hand to my mouth to prevent the other noises that wanted to follow. My beautiful bride, the mother of my daughter, my very own angel, lay as one dead. Her heart was thudding hard, trying to move the unnaturally thick blood through Bella's broken body. Other than that automatic function, Bella was motionless. Even with a damaged spine, she had been able to curl her arm around Renesmee. Bella _should_ have been screaming in agony.

What had I done wrong that she was not?

Carlisle left me standing in the doorway to walk slowly though the room. He was careful not to tread on the many pools and splashes of blood which covered the floor.

When he stood beside her at last, he pressed the tips of his fingers against her inner wrist and held the palm of his other hand over Bella's mouth and nose to feel the slight disturbance of air from her rapid, shallow breaths. He leaned close and inhaled deeply, sniffing along the length of her body.

Though I could have taken such measurements myself, I would not have done so as clinically. An experienced doctor, Carlisle was able to separate the person from the patient, where I could only look in horror at the injuries I had inflicted.

Unable to bear the dry facts Carlisle was saying to himself, I said, "She shouldn't be this still."

"It's the morphine."

The words were said quickly - too quickly. I could smell the sickly perfume of the poppy as well as he could, but its sedative properties were hardly strong enough to induce full unconsciousness under normal circumstances - which these were not.

And he didn't understand how I'd failed. Her heart had _stopped._

Its rhythm was steady now, if too fast. In the otherwise quiet night, I could hear the faint swoosh of blood as it circulated within her limbs and the oily change in the liquid sound as the venom spread. The spiderwebbing of silver which spread from each bite mark had grown in the time I had been gone. I couldn't deny that the venom was working to preserve her body, but what of her mind? It was her inner beauty and strength which I loved and needed.

Was my Bella in there?

"Come, Edward," Esme said as she slid an arm around my shoulders. "You're a mess. Take a shower while we - "

"No!" I shook her off and strode over to take Bella's hand. What did I care that I smelled of dog and had mud on my torn clothes? What if Bella regained consciousness while I was gone?

Alice joined Esme by the door.

At their exchange of glances, I said, "I'm not leaving her."

"And we're not suggesting that you do!" Alice huffed and marched determinedly over to stand across from me with Bella between us. "But you are covered in blood, and so is she, and I really don't think you want me to show you the outcome of a newborn waking up to _that_ smell."

"Oh, so you can see again? Well, praise Jesus, and somebody call the tabloids! It's a bloody miracle," I snapped.

"Yes, Edward," she said softly. "I can. See?"

My fear and anger melted away as, in my sister's mind, I saw the image I had craved for days: my Bella with the bright red eyes of a newborn vampire.

"She is unconscious for now, son. Let your mother and sister bathe Bella while they can most easily do so."

I relented with a sigh, but didn't immediately move. My eyes searched her face for anything that would prove Alice's vision was more than wishful thinking, but Bella didn't twitch so much as an eyelid. For now, she breathed and her heart beat; that would have to be enough.

My lips brushed across her forehead before I turned and headed for my shower. After I left the room, Carlisle excused himself to go help Jasper and Emmett get a bonfire ready. We had a lot of carpeting and furniture to destroy.

I stripped and kicked my clothes into the hall. We would have to burn those, too. I was so used to seeing myself in the minds of others I rarely needed a mirror, but when my reflection caught my eye, I gasped in disgust. More than I ever had before, I looked like a vampire, from the blood which painted my face, chest, and hands to the red which ringed my otherwise black irises. Worse even than that sight was the zing of her blood that I could feel all over, giving me a strength and feeling of vitality which no other blood had brought before.

Bella lay as one dead; her blood coursed through me, and I felt so _alive_ because of it.

The water ran from my body in red rivulets as soon as I stepped under the spray. I was aware of the sounds I was making while I scrubbed Bella's blood from my shaking hands, but didn't seem to be able to stop them. A third and a fourth time I lathered and rinsed. I may have looked clean, but the scent of her blood was on me, and it seemed more likely that I would scrub my skin off before I rid myself of the evidence of what I was.

"Edward?"

I pushed water from my hair and ignored Jasper's knock as I reached for the shampoo yet again.

"You've been in there forever. I don't imagine it's possible for even a speck of dirt to be left on your scrawny carcass."

"Don't you know it's rude to barge in on a guy's shower?"

"You're not showering. You're wallowing."

I braced myself against the wall and tried not to dig my fingers into the marble tiles. "Then mind your business, and leave me to it!"

"Why should I? This misery is even more pointless than your normal brand. Now, Rosalie might not care if you ever come downstairs, but I think your kid would like to meet you." _...and I can do without your negative emotions for a change._

"Renesmee," I mumbled.

"Come downstairs, or I'll send Esme up here to haul you out, kicking and screaming the whole way if need be." There was laughter in his voice now, matching the tone of his mental image of me, naked and dripping wet, and being dragged through the house by my mother's grip on my ear.

"She wouldn't." Torn between irritation and amusement, I turned the water off and caught the towel Jasper threw at me.

 _Don't think I won't!_

"Wanna bet? She's been dying to see you meet your spawn. She said she's been waiting a century for this and was threatening to show her your piano if you can't be convinced to do it yourself, first."

With every intention of heading straight downstairs, I was dried and dressed before he had finished speaking, but I couldn't simply pass by the room where Renesmee had been born without stopping in to see her mother first. Anticipating my detour, Jasper headed me off when I paused by the room where Bella lay.

"Nu-uh. Renesmee first or you'll never leave Bella's side." _...she's not going anywhere... stay here until you're done._

I grunted as my brother stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. Whether it was Jasper's doing or not, I wasn't sure, but I felt a growing excitement at meeting the babe and headed for the stairs with no further prompting. True, I had technically met her at the moment of her birth, but now I would have the leisure to really see and interact with her incredible mind.

I reached eagerly for her thoughts. Esme had been walking her around the house, but the concentration she was displaying as she examined the button on my mother's shirt led me to think I hadn't missed all that much if something so simple as a button held her attention.

Everyone except Jasper and myself was gathered around the pair in a loose circle. Even Seth and Jacob were there, though I had the feeling the latter was solely due to Esme's intervention on his behalf.

When I entered the room, Renesmee looked up and met my eyes. For the second time that day, I was entranced by the sight of Bella's eyes in our daughter's face. The button forgotten, she stretched her arm out toward me.

"Ready to meet your daddy, little one?" Esme asked as she passed my daughter to me.

The grin that spread across my face at that question was mirrored by the miniature girl I now held. The mouthful of sharp teeth was startling in the tiny face.

Granted, I didn't have all that much experience with handling newborns, but didn't they usually require their heads to be supported? I supposed a creature strong enough to break bones must have enough neck strength to support her own head. The wobble to her movements was less from a lack of strength than coordination and control.

Her hand was still extended toward me. I'd been holding her at arms' length while I examined her, but now I tucked her into the crook of my elbow, as naturally and easily as if I had done so a hundred times before. At the wordless request, I caught her little hand and guided it to my cheek. I felt a similar desire to run my fingers along her delicate features, so like those of her mother. As though she were breakable too, I grazed her nose with my fingertip.

Renesmee's skin was incredible. Translucent like her mother's had been, it would have been completely colorless but for the flush of blood. Her skin wasn't quite reflective in the way ours was, but she seemed to have a glow, nonetheless.

I chuckled with chagrin when she remembered her first sight of me and didn't even care that the memory was flavored with the scent and taste of Bella's blood. Her sacrifice had brought our daughter into the world, and my beloved was being changed by my venom, only feet above where I now stood.

Renesmee patted my face and seemed surprised to find it no longer covered in red.

"Yes, I am all clean now, just like you."

She turned the words over and matched them with sounds Rosalie had made to her when placing her in the delightfully hot water. I laughed again as she tried to understand how I had fit in the sink.

"You are small, so you took a small bath," I explained as though she was capable of understanding. "Mine was my size."

A crease I recognized formed right between her eyes as she recalled the large tub she had glimpsed in Rosalie's bathroom.

Delighted with her show of intelligence, I nodded. "Something like that, yes."

"He does not even realize what she is doing, does he?" Carlisle murmured.

"I doubt it," Esme replied with a giggle.

I didn't look away from the enchanting sight of mine and Bella's daughter, but caught my parents' rather smug exchange of glances and said, "What? What do you mean?"

"Watch," Rosalie said as she lifted Renesmee from my arms. "Show me what you were showing him."

Renesmee stroked Rosalie's cheek, and suddenly my sister's mind was filled with the same images which were in my daughter's. Rosalie remembered giving Renesmee her bath, but from my daughter's perspective, not her own.

"How - ?"

Renesmee kept a hand on Rose, but reached toward me with the other. At the same time, a memory of being held by me formed in both their minds. My sister passed her back to me, and my daughter immediately gave me that toothy smile and patted my cheek again.

This time I gasped in shock when my mouth filled with the taste of human blood. It tasted wrong - cold and chemically altered - but my throat felt the relief at last as the sweet nectar coated and soothed away the burn. I thrust Renesmee into Rosalie's hands, certain I had actually bitten my own daughter. The sensation had been so _real!_

But though her lower lip puckered and she replayed my unexpected rejection in her mind, she was unharmed. I ignored both spoken and unspoken questions as I gingerly gathered her back from my sister. Rose handed her over reluctantly, but since Renesmee was thrusting herself away from Rose and into my hands, she had little choice but to give her back.

"There, little one," I said when I had her settled again. "I'm sorry. You surprised me."

When she patted my cheek and resumed sharing her memories with me, I supposed I was forgiven. After she had finished eating, Rosalie had shown her a number of dresses before deciding on the one she wore now. I vaguely wondered when and from where Alice had obtained so many baby clothes, but was too engrossed with Renesmee to bother asking. She'd enjoyed the different textures of the fabrics and had curiously touched everything Esme had shown her on their short tour.

"What do you see?" Esme asked as my silence stretched.

"She's remembering... or _showing me_ her memories of getting dressed."

Alice broke into wild, tinkling giggles. "Oh, Edward! It's just what you've always wanted! Now you'll never have to miss out when we go shopping."

"Yes," Carlisle said as his eyes danced. "Renesmee will just show you every dress and style and swatch of fabric as though she had dragged you along."

Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme expressed their amusement at my expense, but the grin I turned on Renesmee showed I wasn't remotely upset.

"Oh, I don't think so," I gloated. "She's her mother's daughter, and... wait while I tally the number of times I've heard you bemoaning her lack of fashion enthusiasm."

"She may be her mother's daughter," Alice retorted, "but she's also a Cullen, and there's no way she won't gain a sense of style growing up in _this_ family!"

"Don't you worry, sweetheart," I crooned. "If you want to dress in ratty tees and old sweats, you go right ahead. Bella does and looks perfectly lovely in them. No doubt you will too."

Alice gave a squeak of indignation, but seemed to have been rendered speechless by my utter disregard for clothing trends. She decided she would get back at me somehow, but the flurry of fabrics and designer names which filled her mind would have been uninteresting under normal circumstances. Bella's daughter was far more fascinating than the constantly shifting and irrational fashion fads, and I tuned out everything but the tiny, perfect being I held.

At the mention of her name, an image of Bella formed in my daughter's mind, along with a sense of longing.

"Alright." I turned and headed toward the stairs, only to find the way blocked.

"Where are you going?" demanded Jacob.

"My daughter would like to see her mother."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"I don't think it's any of your business, dog."

"Look, bloodsucker." He thrust his arm out to me, but I batted it away. Must he ruin everything?

"Step aside, Jacob," I hissed, but rather than get angry, he rolled his eyes.

Renesmee patted my cheek and remembered when I had last confronted Jacob.

"Are all vampires this dense, or is it just you? _Look."_ He waved his arm in front of my face, and I saw what he was trying to show me. There were several tiny tears in the shirt sleeve, little crescent shapes with spreading red stains, which could only have been made by one thing.

"She bit you?"

"Yup."

Renesmee jumped as I burst out laughing.

"Tough break, pup." Still chuckling, I made to brush by him, but he blocked my way with his other arm. I shifted Renesmee into a slightly more secure position and snarled, "What is your problem?"

"It's actually your problem. See, if she bit me, she might bite Bella."

"She wouldn't. Besides, Bella is changing now and wouldn't even feel it if she did bite her."

"Yeah, but what would happen to Renesmee if she swallows some of your venom this time?" _...have any idea what that would do to her?_

"Nothing at all. She's already half vampire."

"That doesn't mean she's immune. 'Specially since she doesn't seem to make her own venom. Do you really want to take the chance that yours won't hurt her?"

I looked at Carlisle uneasily.

"Maybe it would be better to wait until she has eaten again," he said.

"But - "

"Go see for yourself that Bella is alright. Renesmee can join you when we can be more assured of both their safety."

I scoffed. Renesmee wouldn't hurt Bella, and even if she did desire to bite her as she had once before, I was certain I could stop her in time. I wanted to argue, but Esme was already reaching for her and thinking with delight about holding a baby again. Reluctantly, I gave her back.

As I headed up the stairs, Rosalie protested, "You had her last, Esme; it's my turn!"


	49. Second Chances

**49\. Second Chances**

Carlisle joined me upstairs the moment the thought to do so passed through his mind. His hand was on my shoulder as I stepped into the room where Bella lay. All evidence of our daughter's bloody birth was gone, from the room as well as from Bella. My mother and sister had cleaned both so thoroughly, the only scents remaining were those of bleach and the perfume of Bella's living body.

"She hasn't moved," Jasper said.

"What of her emotions? Is she..." I couldn't give voice to the question, too afraid his answer would be negative. Jasper knew me well enough that I didn't need to speak of my fears. He could feel it, and guessed their source.

"She'll be alright, little brother."

"You're certain of that?" When he nodded calmly, I pressed, "How can you be so sure? What do you feel?"

"She's in there," he hedged, but I caught the word he was trying not to think.

"What do you mean, _sometimes?"_

"Just..." He sighed. "The emotion I feel fades in and out."

"Which emotion? She's _afraid?"_ I gasped when he automatically thought the answer.

"Sometimes," he repeated firmly.

My fingers traced the delicate features I knew so well. Had I the skill, I could have carved her face from stone, just by muscle memory. "And when she is not afraid? What then?"

He hesitated.

"What, Jasper? What are you trying to keep from me?"

"Nothing. I only find it difficult to put into words. If I had to call it anything, I suppose I would call it confusion." _...or maybe I'm the one who's confused._

He studied her in silence while I watched his mind. I could tell he was using his gift and was frustrated, but I was unsure of what he sensed. Still, I was relieved he sensed anything at all, especially if it was confusion. _That_ was my Bella.

"Come back to me, Bella," I whispered. "Wake up. Please, you have to wake up."

"She is better off unconscious," said Carlisle.

"She must be in so much pain."

"Mmm. Probably not. When we sedate patients for surgery, it is done with the very intent that they do not feel any pain from the injuries we are inflicting. We must cut and break in order to heal, but I think there are not many who would consent to a surgery they could feel."

"She wasn't sedated, damn it! She was _dead."_

"All the more reason for her to remain unconscious. Recovery from a trauma of that kind takes time. The venom will bring her awareness back all too soon." _...and then you will both wish she had not yet awoken..._

I looked away from her to glare at him, but he did not apologize for thinking the unfortunate truth.

Instead, Carlisle focused his eyes on identifying the minute changes Bella had undergone. Was her hair more brightly red, or was that simply a change in the light? Were her cheeks less sunken than before, or only shifting to the pale, reflective skin of a vampire?

His thoughts turned hazy, and I would have been able to tell from their lack of clarity that he was remembering - or trying to remember - his human years, even if I had not recognized the church in which the young Carlisle knelt. The memory was still, as though the boy never moved, though the self-image he held seemed to age as I watched. A strange tingling started in my knees and spread to my lower back. My shoulders burned, and I almost looked to see if the wounds which Sam had caused were reopening somehow.

The images in his mind caused me to gasp from the sudden change of aching stillness and silence in the church to faceless corpses floating in some body of water. Windows glimpsed during a hurried sprint down a narrow street flashed through his thoughts. He visibly flinched from the abrupt appearance of a face never quite remembered in full. The haughty nose had been of Roman descent, surely, but the eyes, had they been round? Or were they wide only in surprise?

The presage of pain from muscle strain was as nothing compared with the searing fire his mind embraced now. Usually, when speaking of his own transformation, Carlisle stuck to a recitation of the event, a story told as though it had happened to someone else. He had automatically shied away from the memory of pain - for my sake as much as his own.

Now, with Bella going through her own transformation on the table before him, he examined the event in as much detail as he could remember: throwing himself into a puddle of water which had not put out the fire; a strange grittiness which squeaked between his teeth as he bit his woolen coat against the cries of pain; the cool floor of a cellar which had done nothing to abate the burning agony of the thing which used to be his arm; a confusing jumble of voices, some shouting, others speaking calmly, while one called his name.

His fear on hearing that voice was tangled with shame and longing, but more than anything, was due to having failed the man, yet again. But the pain in his molten limb was growing, and he could no more ignore it than he could give in to it, not with his father standing meters away.

The memory faded with the final image of himself writhing on the cellar floor amid a pile of potatoes, both hands clamped over his mouth and nose, for to breathe would have been to give voice to his physical pain. Oxygen deprivation could no more have killed him by that point than it could now. Remaining silent prevented Carlisle from having to force his father to destroy his only son.

"You think she's only faking?"

"No," he said with a small laugh. "Jasper would feel something much different if that were the case, and besides, Bella could never lie that well."

Jasper nodded during Carlisle's speech, and I almost allowed his words to comfort me until I realized that was my brother's doing.

"You need it as much as she does, and almost as much as _I_ do," he said before I could protest. "You may as well give up and relax now; you will eventually."

I grunted in annoyance, but gave in to the inevitable. By the time he left to coo at his niece, I grudgingly admitted to myself that I was glad to no longer be afraid, but then questioned how much of that was my brother's doing too.

"Stop worrying already!" he called up the stairs. "Don't make me come back up there."

I cocked an eyebrow at Carlisle. "Aren't you supposed to be the father around here?"

He stretched his arms and indulged in an intentionally drawn-out filling of his lungs. The sigh which followed could have been expressed by a human at the end of a long but satisfying day.

"Nope. I believe I am now entitled to all the privileges which come with being a grandfather, and that includes telling everyone else how to parent and not doing any of the hard duties myself."

"You can't give them parenting advice; they didn't have a baby!" I said as I waved my hand in the direction of our family.

"It takes a village? Or in our case, a coven."

Fighting the laugh that wanted to burst forth, I said, "Why must you turn everything into a joke? If I didn't know better, I'd say Emmett got it from you."

"Why must _you_ turn everything into a catastrophe? You are hardly the first man to become a father, nor the first vampire to wait anxiously for his beloved to wake. I admit the circumstances are unusual, but the end result will be the same. Your venom repairs her body. Her psyche will catch up. She will wake when she is ready and not one moment sooner."

Carlisle was surely right; he always was. Bella would be fine - well, aside from being a vampire. Unwilling to debate with him further, I turned my attention back to watching the last changes the girl I loved would ever make.

Those which she had already undergone were incredible. My bites were barely perceptible crescents which I only picked out with ease because I knew precisely where each one was located. Human eyes would not even have been able to see the way her skin shimmered at a different angle, but another vampire would recognize them as bite marks, were they to look close enough.

Other than those imperfections, which had been left by me, her skin was flawless. I mourned for the spattering of freckles which had once graced her shoulders. In their absence was skin which was uniformly perfect. It was no longer creamy, but bluish, and would soon loose even that much color.

My thumb grazed the place on her knee which used to feature a scar from a childhood accident. She had blushed furiously and refused to tell me how she got it when I had once asked. Should I ask a few days from now, would she even remember how she had obtained a scar which was no longer there?

Bella had shaved her legs over our honeymoon, somehow managing not to slice herself even once. I had watched the contortions she had put herself through to remove all the hair from her long, shapely legs and still couldn't figure out how she had done it without slicing herself. Not even a nick!

Over the weeks since our return, there had been more for her to worry about than grooming, but apparently my mother or sister had decided Bella would prefer not to have stubble on her legs for the rest of time, and had removed it while it was still possible to do so. Like a river rock worn smooth by the flow of water, the venom had filled in and evened out the follicles and pores and turned her legs into perfect satin twins just begging for my touch.

The direction of my thoughts made Jasper groan, but he admitted that lust and longing were better than those he had been fighting. I didn't follow through - it would have been inappropriate for me to grope her - but I did anticipate a time in the very near future when I would be encouraged to explore every inch of her new body.

Downstairs, Esme and Rosalie were slowly introducing Renesmee to the world around us. Her reactions were fascinating to watch, and her gift doubly so. She was my beloved Bella anew, gentle and sweet, curious about everything, and absolutely unafraid. Whereas her mother was hidden from me, Renesmee's mind was an open book which she invited us all to read.

Hours old, her gift gave her the ability to express herself more clearly than any college professors I knew. My mother and sister thrilled over her ability to communicate her simple curiosity so clearly. There was no artifice nor question of her meaning or intent. Her eyes were not clouded with preconceptions, nor was she hampered by expectations. The world was full of wonders for anyone willing to see them with the boundless enthusiasm of a child, and she treated the woven fabric and grains of wood with equal fascination.

How could I have gotten so lucky? What family didn't wish desperately to know the needs of their newborn? How often had I observed exhausted parents pacing the floor with a wailing baby, and neither parent nor child knew what the problem even was, much less how to solve it?

There were no such issues here. Renesmee could show us exactly what she needed, and if that had included pacing the floor with her for hours, we would never tire of it.

The only dark spot was Jacob. The wolf was in the kitchen, but he wasn't eating. My family was so absorbed in our newest member they hadn't noticed when he had skulked off to think. He didn't seem to have made much progress. I supposed Bella would call him dazzled. Every time he attempted to shake it off and think about what imprinting on my daughter meant, he couldn't help but to return to the object of his imprint and become dazzled all over again. And she wasn't even in the room!

I wondered if this was typical of all newly imprinted wolves or just because it was Renesmee.

Alice's high pitched squeal made me smile. It was good to see my sister's visions of the future again, especially as they didn't include clothes this time.

"We need you too, Carlisle!" she called up the stairs.

"Apparently everyone is going shopping," I said in response to his questioning look.

"Shopping?"

I snickered at the distaste in his voice. He enjoyed the activity almost as much as I. "Mmm. At least for appearance's sake, they need you, Emmett, and Jasper to carry things."

 _...much is she planning on buying?_

"It's not how much; it's what. Furniture is bulky."

"Ah." _...but I think first we should..._ There was a spring in his step as he left.

Not everyone was convinced now was a good time for an outing. Rosalie really should have known better than to argue when our tiny sister took charge.

"Yes, everyone!" Alice exclaimed.

"Just leave her here alone?"

"She won't be alone."

"The mutt doesn't count!"

"Edward will be with Bella, and Jacob can watch Renesmee while we're gone."

"Over my pile of ashes."

"Rosalie," my father said as he descended the stairs, "Jacob Black has done much for this family. He deserves to spend time with her just as much as you."

My daughter reinforced his statement by placing an image of the wolf in question into Rosalie's mind.

"Fine! Don't let me stop you. Shop. Have _fun._ But you don't need me. I'm staying."

This time it was Esme who interceded. "Jacob saved both their lives, and all of ours. He's not about to harm either of them. It would do you good to get out of the house, and you can hunt while the rest of us are in town."

"Indeed, it would, Rosalie," Carlisle said. "It has been far too long since you last fed. Before we leave, however, I would like to measure Renesmee's growth."

Rosalie resisted, clutching the tiny girl to her tighter than a human would have withstood, but my daughter was strong, and pressed her face against my sister's neck in response to the hug.

"Yeah, babe. Let's go hunting. I'd love a good chase right about now." Emmett's suggestive smile was more compelling than any argument.

Rosalie relented and gave Renesmee to our father, saying, "She already feels heavier."

"So she does," he agreed.

"I just fed her another bottle, so she should be alright for a little while."

"All the more reason to do this now."

"But, what if she - "

"If she thirsts while we are away, I am certain Edward will be capable of seeing to her needs, and to any others she might have."

Resolutely turning his back on my oldest sister, Carlisle didn't see the look of anguish which contorted her face, but Emmett did. He was quick to take her into his arms, where he could speak soft words of reassurance into her ear. They would not be gone all that long. Renesmee would not change so much in those few hours away.

Jacob had stopped me from coming upstairs with her earlier, but didn't realize my father planned on taking those measurements in the very room where I now stood. I wondered if he would have dared to stop Carlisle even if he had known where my father was taking her. I tore myself away from Bella long enough to meet them at the top of the stairs.

My daughter gave me that toothy grin when I settled her in my arms. She looked around with bright interest as I strolled slowly down the hall. The place seemed familiar to her, though she didn't recognize it as where she'd been born until she saw Bella. If I hadn't been watching her mind so closely, I would have missed the decision to go to her. Just in time, I tightened my hold before she tried to launch herself toward her mother.

"Patience, little one," I said with a laugh. She didn't have to wait long; I was beside my beloved Bella before I had finished speaking.

A crease formed between her chocolate eyes. She remembered each member of our family, including myself, reaching for her eagerly. She didn't seem to understand that Bella could not do so. The little rosebud mouth puckered at the seeming rejection.

"Shh. Your mother is only sleeping," I whispered in her ear. "She will want to hold you when she wakes."

"Hmm. I have no doubt of that, but for now, it is my turn."

Reassured less by our words than the tone in which we spoke them, Renesmee was content to simply be in the same room with Bella. She found Bella far more interesting than Carlisle, though he watched her curiously as he brought over a thin measuring tape and a scale.

"Alright, Renesmee. Parents always like to keep track of their child's growth, and you are certainly growing quickly. Your father will stay here with you and your mother, but the rest of us are going into town. We will not be gone long," _I sincerely hope..._ "but I would like to weigh and measure you before we leave."

She didn't protest when I laid her onto the scale. Her eyes were glued to Bella, whom she could just see over the lip of the tray. Most newborns would be kicking or waving their arms about, perhaps wailing in protest over being out of their parents' arms, but Renesmee was no more bothered by the hard, cold surface on which I had placed her than any vampire would have been.

"Very good, Renesmee. Now, let's find out how big you are."

She remained cooperative until he blocked her view of Bella when he tried to wrap the tape around her head. Unlike the scale, which she found to be uninteresting, the measuring tape had many lines and numbers. She didn't know what they meant, but seemed to know it was important and wanted to see why.

 _You are not helping,_ he scolded when I could no longer hold back the laugh. She had almost rolled over in her attempt at keeping his hands in view.

"Sure, I am," I said, and scooped her off the tray. I propped her up with her back against me and murmured into her ear, "Can you be still like me, little love? You can see the tape measure when he's finished."

She craned her head around to study my statue-like stillness.

Much happier in my arms than she'd been on the scale, she allowed Carlisle to measure her head and chest circumferences. With only a little coaxing, she consented to remain still when he measured her height, too. I'd had to lay her back down for that, but he worked at vampire speed, and she was in my arms again within a second.

I could tell simply by looking at her that she had grown in the short time since I'd left her downstairs. Carlisle's measurements were definitive whereas my perception was simply that she had grown.

He had no need to jot down his figures. Proportionally, she was rather adult-like, something which would have concerned him if the measurements had been taken from a human child. His mind filled with images of charts and numbers while a frown flickered across his face. The numbers themselves might have been quite different, but I thought the curve of her growth looked normal for any healthy month-old child, despite having been taken hours apart, not weeks.

A feeling of unease settled into my stomach which I couldn't name. I tried to dismiss the sensation as habit. My daughter thrived, and her mother would wake soon. What was there left to worry over?

The curiosity in his mind when he handed her the tape measure was as nearly as clinical as it had seemed when measuring her physical changes. Her fine motor skills were not quite as precise as mine, but neither did she crumble it in her fist as any other newborn baby would have done. She didn't fully understand what the numbers and lines meant, but enjoyed their pattern. When he held his hand out to take it back, she placed it right into his palm.

Her level of comprehension was already astounding; would that grow as exponentially as the rest of her?

The chatter of my family died away as they piled into various cars and left on their errands.

Simply as an excuse to fill the relative silence, I hummed the opening notes of my favorite song. I only got a measure into it before Renesmee recognized what I was singing. I broke off when she squirmed about. With a little shuffling, she settled into my arms again, but this time, her head was cradled in my hands with her feet against my chest.

I held her upright slightly, close enough that she didn't have to stretch to reach my face. After all the long years of eavesdropping, how incredible it was that Bella's daughter wanted to share her thoughts with me.

Out of sheer delight, I started rocking from side to side and resumed humming. There was no heartbeat for her to feel, but the rumble in my chest from my voice tickled her feet, and she seemed to enjoy the swaying. I felt normal, _human,_ to be rocking my own daughter in my arms, singing her a lullaby. I wondered if she was human enough to need sleep. She had slept within Bella, so I saw no reason to think she would not do so now.

She focused on my face, occasionally glancing over toward Bella, but her eyelids grew heavy quickly, and I had only just begun a second rendition when they fluttered closed, her hand dropped away from my cheek, and my daughter slept.

Babies, in general, had held no appeal to me, and far too much appeal to my red-eyed monster. An infant would have been a mere snack, but their blood promised a purity that humans rarely retained as they aged. No amount of baby powder could disguise the scent of such blood, nor those of milk, urine, and feces which most human children carried. However clean their parents kept them, however often the child's diapers and clothes were changed, it was never enough to my sensitive nose. My desire to give Bella one had been less about the child itself, than my inability to provide her with such a basic human need.

How wrong I had been. The proof was sleeping in my arms.

Careful not to disturb her, I leaned close and inhaled deeply. Half-human child that she was, Renesmee smelled delicious, but there was no need in me to quench the dryness of my aching throat with the blood I could hear surging through her veins. She smelled nothing like a human baby. Her scent was unmistakably that of a vampire, sweet, and with a hint of something familiar. Strawberries?

I breathed in again.

"You're not gonna start sniffin' her butt, are you?"

I'd been so entranced with the tiny being in my arms, I'd missed Jacob coming upstairs. He was leaning in the doorway, smirking like he'd caught me in the middle of some embarrassing act.

"Excuse me?"

 _Quil used to do that to Claire to check if she'd only farted or..._

"Oh, for the love of - _No_. Besides, with her ability to communicate so clearly, that won't be necessary."

Jacob's eyes flickered to Bella and returned to Renesmee. "She alright?"

Pointedly misunderstanding him, I said, "Bella is changing. She will wake in a few days."

"No, I meant..." _...her._

He was staring at Renesmee with his mouth slightly agape. The girl we both loved was changing into a vampire only feet away from where he stood. He'd fought tooth and nail to prevent such a fate, but now, Bella's condition didn't seem to bother him at all. I wondered if he would feel the same when the morphine wore off and the screaming began.

Bella had been convinced Jacob would hate her once she was not a human, but some _thing,_ cold and alien, and no longer the Bella he had known. Was this disdain the beginnings of that? It saddened me that she might be right about this, too.

There was at least one thing she'd been wrong about: Jacob's hatred for her child. He stared at her in rapt fascination, rather like I was doing. Could I fault him for that? When he had been the one to save us again and again?

Not hardly.

"Renesmee relaxed after she saw her mother. Carlisle confirmed she's growing."

 _And now she's asleep._

"Yes."

 _And when she wakes?_

"What do you mean?"

He imagined himself reaching for the tiny girl in my arms and anticipated my furious reaction. It had been that way from the beginning. He'd seen my glower from across the dancefloor at our prom, and every time he'd taken Bella from me since. He had no reason to think I would react any differently now.

Were we to play out that same animosity for eternity? With my daughter in the middle this time?

Before he could blink, I had closed the distance between us. He didn't flinch from my sudden appearance inches from where he stood, but he did look away from Renesmee at last. There was a wary defiance in his eyes which faded when I slowly held my arms out, silently offering to pass him the sleeping child.


	50. Protection

**50\. Protection**

"She's incredible."

"That's the fifth time you've said that."

"Well, she is."

"Did I argue?"

"Even her little fingernails are perfect."

I pressed my lips together hard, trying not to laugh at Jacob. He hadn't moved since I handed Renesmee to him except to shift her slightly so he could better examine her features. For once grateful to be able to watch Jacob's mind, I kept my eyes on Bella while still being able to stare at our daughter.

How I had loved to watch Bella sleep! Nothing was quite as thrilling as listening to her sleep-talking. Those unguarded thoughts had always been precious gifts, rare glimpses into her normally hidden mind.

Far from hidden, our daughter's mind was an open book which she had invited us all to read. I would have been hard-pressed if forced to choose between watching Bella change and watching Renesmee sleep. It seemed I could almost see Renesmee growing.

"She's just..."

"Incredible?"

 _Yeah._

This time, I gave in to the laugh, but he paid me no attention. His entire world was a half-vampire infant who slept in his arms.

He held her the way I'd seen new fathers the first time they held their infant child, as though any movement on their part would cause the babe irreparable damage. My baby daughter was precious and good like her mother, but she had inherited my strength, if nothing else. No inexperienced juggling could hurt her. Indeed, Jacob would have had to _try_ in order to damage Renesmee, but he treated her like she was made of spun sugar, fragile as a newborn kitten, and fleeting as dandelion fluff, ready to be taken away by the slightest of breezes.

He seemed terrified by the tiny being he held. Not that he thought she could ever hurt him, but that she might come to harm - any harm, from any source. I detected no fire within his bones, but his wolf form seemed very dominant. Canines were usually loyal to a fault, but also fiercely protective of that which they deemed _theirs._ The depth of his feelings for her concerned me; it was unnatural for a teenage boy to be so devoted to a newborn child. Even if she had been his own, I would have found it odd. I knew what imprinting was, but Jacob was lucky I was able to see into his mind and discern his intentions toward my daughter.

I thought myself lucky Charlie had been unable to do the same. If Charlie had known what I was and what Bella intended to become, he would have done everything in his power to save her from such a fate. Without that truth, still he had seen me as a threat to her well-being. If he had known what Jacob was, would he have been so supportive of their relationship?

Well, and why not? The only thing I had ever done against Bella's wishes was to leave, and I would never make that mistake again. Jacob had kissed Bella against her will. She had _broken_ her delicate hand punching the mutt's face! Yet it had been me whom Charlie had glared at that day.

My eyes were drawn away from Bella to study Jacob.

The wolves saw themselves as born and bred protectors, yet they also felt the need to protect their tribe from themselves. I had feared for Bella's safety whenever she had chosen to spend time with the wolf pack and was right to do so. The story which had been spread of a bear attacking the woman whom Sam had imprinted on had been a lie. It had been Sam himself who had unintentionally mauled Emily.

Who could have said that Bella - who had not been anyone's imprint - would not have suffered the same fate? Hadn't Sam forbade Jacob from telling Bella what he was for that very reason? The wolves were volatile, unpredictable, and dangerous, and they knew it.

Bella had not seen them as a threat any more than she did me. Why? Why had she trusted him so completely? After his importunate perusal that spring, she had forgiven his indiscretion and actively sought his company. Was it her love which blinded her to what he could do, as it had blinded her to the truth about me? We all knew she loved both of us.

I returned to watching Bella.

To a human's eyes, she would have seemed to be dead already. I doubted even Jacob would have seen the slight movement of her chest from the shallow, rapid breaths, had I been able to convince him to look away from Renesmee.

My hand hovered over her mouth and nose. Her breaths, slight as they were, were still warm. A hair's breadth away from actually touching them, my fingers traced her pale pink lips. A trick of shading made them seem darker than before, but that was only in contrast with how white the rest of her skin had already become.

Surely the morphine would wear off soon! The scent lingered, but it was fading. As much as I feared the coming days when she would wake and feel the fire which would never truly die, I desperately wished she would wake this very moment, that I might have more assurance than Alice's vision that Bella _would_ awaken.

The screams she had let out during the birth were forever etched into my mind. I dreaded those which were soon to come and ached for it to be over already.

Why had I not taken the chance to taste her human lips one last time? What would they taste like when she woke? I licked my own and slowed my suddenly rapid breathing. What would it be like to kiss her, to _really_ kiss her without having to hold back? When I didn't have to mind the strength in my hands? When I didn't have to fear an accidental exposure to my venom, or worse?

She had claimed to understand why I handled her so carefully, while seeming to do everything in her power to make me abandon that care. Bella had always loved me freely, without fear, without a thought for her own safety. From the very beginning, she had trusted me - a vampire - completely.

I loved her beyond measure; she was my world, my life, and I would sooner die than see her harmed, much less harm her myself. She had trusted me so completely not because she loved me, but because I loved her.

Hadn't that been why Charlie had accepted me at last? He had given his daughter to me, had placed her into my care, because he did know what I was: the kid who loved his daughter.

Maybe I could entrust Jacob with mine for the very same reason.

Leah was proof of the strength of an imprint. I could ignore what I heard, but I had heard the wolf girl's thoughts, just the same. Sam's attachment to Emily had completely overshadowed his love for Leah - a natural love, grown over time, through shared experiences and mutual respect, quite unlike his instant and complete obsession with Emily. Nothing had mattered to him except Emily's welfare, though he had been the one to injure her.

Considering the volatility of certain pack members, it was a wonder more of their women hadn't been unintentionally harmed by someone shifting forms. Yet no one had seemed at all concerned with the safety of the child who had been imprinted upon. They considered her safer in Quil's care than anywhere else.

Yes, werewolves were dangerous, but the rest of the pack seemed to have learned from Sam's mistake.

Still, this was _my_ daughter, and there could be no room allowed for error, nor time for learning curves. Jacob had but one chance, and if he blew it, none would blame me in forbidding him to see her.

Well, probably Bella would.

All the imprints within Sam's pack had been to women close to their own age, except for Quil and Claire. To the pack, it had seemed only natural for the others to fall in love, but the avuncular bond between young adult and child was bound to change when she grew up, while he did not. The rest of the pack seemed to anticipate that one day, Quil's status would change from "brother" to lover.

My lips curled. As if imprinting wasn't disturbing enough without bringing romance into the mix, not to mention romance with a _child._ I supposed it wasn't quite pedophilia, but only because they were genetically compelled to protect the well-being of their imprint.

I still didn't like it.

Jacob was staring at the shape of Renesmee's eyes, marveling at how they resembled Bella's. And her hair, it was so soft against his skin, softer than Bella's had been when it had tumbled down his arm during their kiss.

His thoughts didn't dwell on that stolen kiss as they had every other time I'd caught him thinking of Bella's sweet mouth. His mind seemed to dismiss the memory as swiftly as it had called it up. Renesmee was the center of his attention, and when he thought of Bella now, it was only due to her familiar features which he kept discovering as he studied our daughter's cherubic face.

 _...gonna be prettier than Bella... exactly what I was lookin for when I..._

Images of his flight from our home flickered across his thoughts. I saw a multitude of girls, none of whom had measured up to Bella's gentle perfection.

"Jacob!" I snapped, gaining his attention at last.

Thinking there must be a threat to Renesmee, he looked wildly around the room for whatever was upsetting me. Finding nothing, he looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

"Your pack may accept Quil and Claire, but you had better watch your thoughts, because I certainly will be."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means be careful. I'll not have you hurting her in any way."

"I would never - "

"Intentionally cause her harm? No, of course not."

 _Then what's your problem?_

"The other members of your pack, a number of them have imprinted too, yes?"

 _Yeah, so?_

"So, it seems a bit like brainwashing."

"You can read my mind. You should know I'm still me."

"Well, _that's_ debatable, but I was not talking about you. I meant Claire."

 _...alright, now he's really lost me._

"She will grow up with everyone around her expecting her to marry Quil. She's what, three years old or so? With her life mapped out for her already? Perhaps that isn't brainwashing, but she's being conditioned from a very young age to accept something which most people would not."

"Quil knows she's just a kid."

"Exactly my point. What business does a man in his twenties have with a girl-child who is not his own?"

"He isn't twenty."

"He looks it."

"So? Aren't you, like, a hundred years old, or something?"

 ** _"I_ ** am seventeen."

"You only _look_ seventeen."

"Hmph."

"Quil and Claire are... something else, I gotta admit, but it's not inappropriate. Really, he's more pathetic than anything."

I snorted along with Jacob as he recalled Quil talking of dressing up like a princess for her birthday party. Jacob remembered the way Claire had gleefully pelted Quil with rocks from the beach while he happily indulged her game. His tolerance and adoration were anything but predatory, and reminded me more of a devoted family dog, which I supposed was appropriate. Gentle and patient with the human he had claimed as his own, yet fiercely protective of her welfare, the girl could hardly have a better guard dog than her very own werewolf.

"You surprise me, Jacob. I would not have expected you to accept a status of family pet so easily."

He got into my face to whisper in fury, "I am not a pet."

"So I should tell Alice the pwetty pwincess party is a no-go? What a shame. Rosalie will be so disappointed."

He breathed heavily and seemed to be trying not to picture himself sitting at a tiny table, wearing a tiara, and pretending to drink imaginary tea.

"You woke her," he accused when I burst out laughing, but he was grateful for the diversion.

"She doesn't mind. She likes hearing me laugh," I gloated. "Don't you, baby?"

He didn't protest when I took her from him, but only because she had reached for me, too. She had indeed enjoyed my laughter, which only made me laugh more. I could have spent days and days doing nothing but laughing for her.

Jacob inched closer to where I stood until we were actually touching. Uncomfortable, I looked pointedly at where his shoulder rested against mine, but he only had eyes for the girl in my arms.

A months-old human infant would have grabbed for the finger he used to poke her nose. Renesmee blinked, wrinkled her nose, and touched one of her own fingers precisely to its rounded tip. She pulled her finger away to stare at curiously. I saw her desire to touch Jacob's face and angled her closer to him so she wouldn't have to reach as far. Rather than stroke his cheek, she carefully touched the end of his nose, and then reached for mine before touching her own again.

The game didn't hold her attention long. Her hand dropped to touch her throat while a familiar stress line formed between her brows. Rosalie had fed her before they left, but that had been hours ago.

"Is she hungry?"

"Thirsty," I corrected. "And yes. Very."

Jacob briefly contemplated going to the cooler for one of the units of blood, but seemed uneasy at the thought of preparing it himself. Reluctant though I was to give her up so soon, I thought it would be simpler to open the bag and transfer its contents into a bottle without her in my arms. I'd done as much for Bella; now it was Renesmee's turn.

"Will you hold her while I get it ready?"

"Yeah, that's probably better."

I opened the cupboards which had held cups for Bella, for some reason expecting to find them stocked with baby bottles and rubber nipples, and finding a single metal cylinder instead. I turned it over in my hands and discovered Renesmee's name engraved in Rosalie's familiar looping script on one side. It tapered to a rounded tip with a hole in the center. A thin seam was the only evidence the handmade bottle was crafted from two pieces, which came apart when I gave it a gentle twist.

"Blondie makes more than personalized dog dishes, apparently. At least she's got decent handwriting."

"While they're in town, they can get some ready-made metal cups and stop ruining Esme's serving bowls."

Renesmee reached for the bottle eagerly, apparently recognizing it from an earlier meal. I gave her the top piece, earning another of her startling grins. Hopefully, playing with it would keep her happy.

"Are you sure all that metal is good for her?"

"The bowls Rose used are made to hold food. Why would you think they could hurt her?"

"What's wrong with a normal bottle?"

"Aside from not having one here, the rubber wouldn't withstand her teeth."

As if to demonstrate, she chewed on the nipple, but stopped when the noise hurt her ears. She made a face at the way it had felt when the metal had squeaked against her teeth.

"No, Renesmee," I said, gently, and tugged it back from her. "You should only bite food. Alright?"

"Ow! Hey, I'm not food!"

"You can't possibly think _he_ tastes good?" I asked in disgust. There weren't many things I had tasted which were as foul as Jacob's blood, even through Renesmee's senses. Possibly the cinnamon rolls I had made were worse, but I had never actually tasted the wolf's blood before, except through his own thoughts when he'd bit his tongue.

She gave a little grunt and patted his arm before laying her head against it.

He wiped the blood away; the tiny scrape had already healed. "Good thing you're not venomous, kid."

I hummed in agreement. I hesitated to attempt to restore the nipple back to shape. Just imagining Carlisle's fascination if I were to show this to him later had me grinning. Her teeth had left impressions in the metal, which had now been squished flat.

"Looks like the metal didn't do any better than rubber would have."

"No, but I don't think she'll chew on it again. She didn't like the way it made her teeth feel."

"Okay, well, what's wrong with a plastic cup like Bella had? Or a coffee cup? Gotta keep up the human charade and all, right? You have a kitchen full of choices already. It doesn't have to be metal, does it?"

"If she were a human child, would you be pestering me about the brand of formula, too?"

"Uh, _yeah._ You guys can afford the best, so I expect everything to be green."

"Green?" I repeated doubtfully.

"Yeah, you know, all natural, no growth hormones or artificial additives or - What? Why are you laughing?"

"You're worried about growth hormones when I can practically watch her getting bigger by the second?"

"Well, sure. I mean, exactly. You don't want her growing even faster, do you?"

"She drinks blood. _Human_ blood. From humans who have - more like than not - eaten foods with added growth hormones and who knows what all else with no way to track or regulate what each individual may have consumed."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Why would I not be?"

"Just, I would have thought that you, of all people, would be worried about her health."

"Renesmee is the picture of health," I said stiffly.

"For now. As fast as everything else about her happens, she could absorb a lethal dose of something toxic before anyone realized it. Heavy metal poisoning doesn't sound like much fun, if you ask me."

I contemplated him in silence as I considered what he'd said. My first reaction was irritation. He hadn't intended it to be, but his words were an accusation. If something happened to her, it would be my fault for not being strong enough, knowledgeable enough, fast enough to prevent whatever calamity were to befall her.

However, since the bottle was ruined now anyway, I sprinted downstairs, snagged a coffee cup, and was back before Bella's racing heart had beat thrice.

"You will not want to bite this, Renesmee. Ceramic wouldn't taste good if you chipped any pieces off."

It was heavier than she expected when she tried to take it. Jacob snatched it from me and shuffled her so the cup could sit on her lap, shooting me a dirty look in the process. She got both tiny hands on it and carefully lifted it while Jacob's hand hovered right underneath in case it slipped from her grasp.

The frown she gave me after examining it was definitely intended as an accusation I could understand without words.

 _Why had I given her an empty cup?_

"Sorry, baby," I said with a laugh and took it to the sink to splash in some water. "Here, Renesmee, try this."

"Water?"

"There has been quite enough blood spilled in this room," I explained. "I would prefer she try drinking from a cup without the chance she could spill blood all over herself."

"Erm, good point."

She sniffed it, but frowned again. She reached out for me, intending to place a memory of the blood Rosalie had fed her into my mind.

"Yes, I know," I said after swallowing a mouthful of venom. "It is not what you want, but please? Will you try?"

"Yeah, water is great, see?" He took the cup, carefully drank a sip to demonstrate, then held it close to her lips. She copied his movements exactly, which was interesting enough, but watching her analyze the way her mouth shaped against the lip, and how to use her cheeks and tongue to pull in a taste was truly fascinating. She was so smart!

And as stubborn as her parents. After taking the single shallow sip without spilling a drop, she felt she had put up with us long enough. She placed the memory of drinking blood into Jacob's mind, this time coloring it with her irritation. She was _thirsty._

I chuckled and took the cup back, pleased at the success of our little experiment, and went to rummage for the bag with the least volume. Human babies' stomachs were only about the size of their fists, so I doubted Renesmee would be able to finish the entire thing in one sitting.

Then again, most humans would not be capable of drinking the volume I normally did, either. Well, I could always open another if this one was insufficient.

"Does it have to be human?" he asked with a curl to his lips.

"Probably not, but we'll worry about that later, when she's old enough to hunt."

"But people can have diseases. Do drugs and stuff."

Exasperated with his seemingly endless protests, I said, "Yes, and the Red Cross tests for them! Far more thoroughly than foods prepared for human consumption are tested. For example, I guarantee you, this," I gestured with the bag of blood I held, "contains no rat droppings. Can you say the same for any store-bought foods which _you_ have eaten?"

His nose wrinkled, and his sneer deepened, but he stopped pestering me, and I got on with fixing Renesmee's breakfast.

Certain humans smelled better than others; I knew that only too well. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder what the human who had donated this blood had smelled like. The perfume that wafted up as I emptied the contents of the bag had my venom flowing like none of the ones which I had prepared for Bella had done. This human's blood was almost as tantalizing as _Bella's_ had been.

Had it been only a few hours ago that I had tasted her blood? Here in this very room? The nectar which was Bella had flooded my senses until all I had known was the simple and pure pleasure of my beloved's taste on my tongue. The memory was as clear as if it were happening now, and I felt all the hairs on my arms stand on end from the rush of ecstasy the mere memory engendered.

"Well? Are you gonna give that to her or not?"

"What? Oh. Um."

Renesmee could smell the blood that had so entranced me and was leaning toward me, reaching out, turning to touch Jacob's face briefly, and then reaching for me again. Jacob chortled while I tried to act as though I hadn't been simply standing there, mesmerized by the exposed blood in the cup I held. I hastened to relieve him of his struggling charge.

She made an imperious-sounding grunt when I tried to get her settled comfortably before tipping the cup to her lips. What did she care how she was being held when there was blood to be drunk!

I stopped trying to juggle her into a more secure position the moment the first drop touched her tongue. She let out a moan and began drinking greedily, but I hadn't anticipated how vividly I would experience her enjoyment of the blood she was drinking _while_ she was drinking it. Vicariously experiencing her relief had the opposite affect on me. I cried out in shock and pain and shoved her into Jacob's arms.

"Aw, gross, dude, what the heck? All that fuss making sure she didn't spill blood, and you got it all over."

"Get her out of here, please, Jacob," I said in a hoarse whisper.

His stance changed abruptly. No longer at ease, he narrowed his eyes and sank into a defensive crouch. "You're worried about _me_ hurting her when you can't even be trusted to feed her?"

"I'm only asking you to feed her someplace else," I said through my teeth.

"So she'll be safe from you if I take her downstairs?

"Safe? From _me!_ I'm her father!"

"So? You're a vampire! Maybe I should take her to the rez and let Sam and them help me protect her."

"You'll do no such thing!"

"Boys! _What_ is going on here?"

We both turned to find Esme in the doorway with her hands on her hips. It was no wonder she was concerned, what with the way Jacob and I had been shouting at each other while he held a bloody Renesmee in his arms. _She_ was perfectly happy, totally absorbed in the blood she was drinking.

I turned and strode over to Bella so I could slide my hand into her lax grip. Grateful for the strength I was able to draw from her, even now, I prepared myself for the scent of blood and took a shaky breath.

"Esme, would you please finish feeding _my_ daughter and get her cleaned up? Jacob has someplace he needs to be. _And it isn't here."_

 _What? No!_

Esme clicked her tongue disapprovingly while Jacob looked wildly between us. He shook his head vigorously, silently begging her not to send him away.

"Please," I moaned. "Stay if you must; just take _her_ out of this room!"

"Come on, Jacob," Esme said. "Let's get you both cleaned and fed."

He shot me a furtive look and shuffled after her.

Had I ever been this thirsty? Even when I had been newborn? I doubted it. Dealing with the stress of Bella's pregnancy, the constant scent of blood which had lingered in the air for days now _,_ as well as the swallows I had taken when trying to bring Bella back had been hard enough, but never had I been privy to another being savoring the flavor of human blood before.

Ah, I was such a weak creature. Bella had survived the brutal pregnancy without complaint, yet I couldn't even manage to feed my own daughter, the very child she had fought so hard to bring into this world. Indeed, it was all I could do not to tear the door off the cooler in order to drain every unit it contained.

I needed to distract myself.

Searching for signs that my Bella was truly in there still, I studied her eyelids for any flicker of movement. But there were none. It didn't seem right to me; the stronger sedative Carlisle had given her a few days earlier had not been enough to completely knock her out. She had twitched and moaned while under _its_ affects. Morphine wasn't nearly as strong and should not have sedated her this deeply.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

My hand cupped her face, and if I could have fit onto the table with her, I would have climbed onto it to press the length of her against me.

Carlisle came upstairs some time later to find me with my nose buried in Bella's hair. Her scent had shifted subtly. Light and sweet already, the freesia and strawberries seemed to contain hints of something else which I couldn't place, but seemed familiar. The burn which usually accompanied her scent didn't seem quite as strong, and it suddenly dawned on me that when she finished changing, her scent would never burn me again. I would only enjoy her bouquet in the way a human man might if his woman wore a pleasing perfume.

When he didn't speak, I calmly said, "What is it, Carlisle?"

 _I heard what happened and wanted to see how you are doing._

"I'm fine," I mumbled dully.

He breathed in deeply and let it out in a drawn out sigh. _I can detect no trace of blood in the air._

"I know. Please thank Esme and Alice for cleaning up so thoroughly."

 _I will, but I was thinking about the more recent spill._

I grunted in acknowledgement, but kept my face in Bella's hair.

"Edward."

"What?"

 _Stop blaming yourself._

"For?"

 _Being unable to feed her._ When I said nothing he continued, _How much of Bella's blood did you drink when you changed her?_

I lifted my head and met his eyes so he could judge for himself.

 _Add to that the rather vivid pictures Renesmee creates..._

"Yes, yes," I said sourly.

 _You have no idea how strong you are, my son. You did for Bella what no other could have, not even me._

Deliberately, ruthlessly, he remembered changing me. Mine was the first taste of human blood he had ever had, and it had nearly been his undoing. Worse had been when he'd leaned in to bite me a second time. He hadn't been capable of more than scraping my other wrist with his teeth for the third. I had bitten Bella far more times than he had bitten any of us, and only swallowed a few inevitable mouthfuls of her blood.

"I knew what to expect; you didn't."

"You may have been my first, but I know of no other vampire who was changed with more than two or three bites. Most are only capable of a single bite. Their creators all drink human blood and know what to expect, yet often their attempts fail, and they kill the one they are trying to change. What you did - "

"Don't," I moaned.

"What you did," he repeated firmly, "saved Bella when nothing and no one else could have. After Bella wakes, and the two of you hunt, I am sure you will find it easier to feed your child. And even if you do not, there are plenty here who are more than happy to take on that small duty."

 _That_ certainly didn't make me feel better.

He crossed the room quickly to grip my arm and give me a small shake. "Edward."

I sighed lightly, straightened, and slid my hand from her cheek to feel the pulse in her wrist.

"There are plenty here who are grateful for the opportunity."

I nodded, knowing better than he just how true that statement was.

He studied me in silence, letting me see just how little red truly ringed my irises. He thought even that much would likely fade away by the time Bella woke.

"I am so very proud of you."

Unsure how to respond, I just blinked at him, but he felt he had said all he needed to. He clapped a hand to my shoulder, then ruffled my hair in an uncharacteristically affectionate gesture and strode away without another word. I followed his mind to discover that everyone had returned, and Jacob was no longer here. I wondered who and what had convinced him to leave, and what it meant that he had done so at all.


	51. Eternity

**51\. Eternity**

Eternity.

Once it had weighed upon me like a mountain I could never shift. An endless, monotonous repetition of the same day of my life - more or less - with no achievements to claim from my past and nothing to amount to in the future. The world went about its daily routines, made forward progress in leaps and bounds, while I languished, a useless relic from days long gone, little more than a placeholder, frozen in time.

Shadows crept across the floor, attesting to the fact that time was indeed passing, whether I took notice of it or not.

Bella had yet to stir, but her heart continued to beat hard and fast. The venom had spread to convert much of her skin into the crystalline stuff of which vampires were made. She had lost the rosy blush of life already, but the pale white skin she wore now looked less like dead flesh than mine had always seemed to.

It was almost as though she were finally achieving her natural state, a glistening goddess with a mane of rich, chestnut hair. She had cast off her mortal coil to enter the realm of the eternal. Some might say the eternally damned, but even if that were true, something which I had finally begun to disbelieve, could one truly _be_ damned without one's soul?

I certainly didn't feel damned. The blessings which I had been granted were numerous, especially the girl who had given her heart to me. The girl who knew what I was and loved me anyway. The girl whom I thought I had been fated to kill, but who had instead, brought me back to life.

Bella would wake, she _would,_ and we would spend a blissful eternity together. The world could bustle and harry, but no longer would I wallow. No, now I would savor each and every glorious day. Well, once these next few were over.

"Bella? Bella, love?"

Was she aware at all? I only prayed the morphine was able to keep her consciousness suppressed for as long as possible. As endless as this waiting was, it would be so much worse when she lost the drug's protection and the waiting turned to screaming. Would she plead for death as I had done?

My transformation and every day since were vivid memories, but I could recall so little of my human years. How much of our few months together would she remember? Would she remember why I had condemned her to the burning change she was currently undergoing? The days of her life had flown by with indecent haste, until now, when the seconds stretched like years while Bella lay unresponsive.

But time did pass. Even for vampires.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes, Carlisle. I heard you, but the answer is no."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not leaving her."

 _Going into our yard is hardly leaving her._

"Doesn't matter."

 _She is not going anywhere, and we need your help._

"No you don't."

 _How else are we to communicate with them?_

"Simply speak. They'll be able to understand you perfectly fine."

"Communication is a two-way street, son."

"Then tell Sam to drop his prejudices. Tell him if he hasn't the courtesy and courage to talk to you like a man, he can slink home with his tail between his legs. If neither of those options appeal, I suppose he can remain a wolf and come up here, but _I_ am **not** leaving Bella."

Having no intention of being so rude, Carlisle sighed his frustration, but recognized that arguing with me was pointless and left.

He didn't understand, and I doubted any of them truly did. It wasn't so much that I feared she would wake and find me gone, though that would have been unforgivable, but I couldn't stand to miss even the smallest of changes.

The pregnancy had drained her body of its resources. She had lost all her gentle curves. The dress Alice had chosen hung from Bella's frame where it would not have before. The bodice was loose and the shoulder straps gaped away from her skin.

Only now, it seemed she had not lost as much weight.

Or was I imagining that her breasts were a bit fuller? Or that her arms were no longer quite so stick-like? The pregnancy had ravaged her. Of course, she looked beautiful to me, yet it seemed the venom was doing more to restore her health than simply mending broken bones and flesh. Or was that wishful thinking? I would love her regardless, but I did so long to cup her full curves once again.

Bella's heart continued to race. It never faltered, and never slowed, and neither did her shallow, rapid breaths change speed or depth. I ached to gather her into my arms, but her bones had yet to knit. It was best that I leave her alone, and not disturb what peace she was able to find just to satisfy my own selfish needs.

"Welp, that's settled."

Beside his rather self-satisfied smirk, Jacob was back to wearing ripped pants and was no longer dressed in my brother's hand-me-downs. I supposed I should be grateful he had a shirt on for once, but it only seemed to illustrate his disdain for Bella's condition that he had bothered to go home to change into his own clothes when there were more than enough here he could have worn.

"So, she's safe now."

For some reason, it irritated me that the _she_ he was worried about was not Bella. After all those months he had spent trying to win her from me, I should have been relieved his desire for her was gone. I was not ungrateful that he had helped to mend things between the packs and my family, but not a one of _them_ had seemed concerned with Bella at all. I supposed it was true that they had never actually witnessed what a normal transformation looked and sounded like, but they had stories, did they not? They had told Bella more than one legend about the cold ones.

"And I got them to lay off about you changing Bella. You were right about that; they couldn't say anything, and anyways, Bella wanted this, right?"

Had she truly? She had wanted eternity with me, but she couldn't have understood the full price of that future, a price which she had not even begun to appreciate while human. Now that she was paying it, did she still feel I was worth it? Or did she hate me for being too weak to let her go?

"Hellooo? Earth to Edward."

"What is it, Jacob?" I said testily.

If I had wanted to engage him in conversation, didn't he think I would have? There was plenty I could have been saying to him, but none of it seemed important in the face of Bella's condition. I moved aside a strand of hair that was out of place from when I'd had my face buried in it. Tucked behind her ear, it no longer fluttered from her breaths. I patted a few others back into place, just as an excuse to touch her hair again.

"I'd think you'd be happy. Isn't this what you always wanted?"

"No," I whispered. "I never wanted her to have to go through this."

 _Go through what, exactly?_

"Hello?" I sneered. "Earth to Jacob? Bella is changing into a vampire right now! Or hadn't you noticed? I suppose in your obsession with _my daughter,_ you don't even care about Bella at all anymore?"

"But..." His expression was almost comical as he blinked at me in confusion. _...she's just laying there..._

"So it would seem," I sighed.

 _I mean, it can't be_ that _bad. Bella's not that good of an actress._

"No."

He inched into the room and remembered the conversation they had shared about our honeymoon. _...so ...when does the writhing in pain part start?_

I sucked in a sharp breath, but didn't answer. How could I tell him that it should have started already? She should, right this second, be in unbearable, timeless agony.

My hands clenched into fists. Why was she so still? What was wrong? I _must_ have done something wrong. Perhaps I should not have injected venom into her heart. That wasn't how vampires were made! It had been a stupid idea, and I had compounded my stupidity by gaping at Renesmee instead of tending to the human girl on the threshold of death's door.

Indeed, she had done more than stand at its threshold, she had crossed over. She had _died._ Had she crossed back? Would she live again?

"How soon before she'll, you know, stop wanting to kill people?"

"I don't know, dog; I'm tempted to kill you right now, so what do you think?"

"Nice. I meant - "

"I know what you meant," I interrupted, then relented with another sigh. "The first year is the hardest, but every vampire is different. Jasper's older than I am, and he still struggles."

"So she won't be able to see Ren-Renesmee for years?"

"What? No, of course she will see her!"

"But not right away."

"Yes, right away!"

"But she's alive."

"Yes," I said with great pleasure. "Renesmee _is_ alive."

"Aaaaand I'd think you want her to stay that way?"

"Bella will not hurt her."

"You can't know that," he protested, but it sounded less like he was arguing than begging for reassurance.

"Certainly, I can. Bella is the strongest, most stubborn creature to have ever existed. She will not hurt her because she will not _want_ to."

"But what if it doesn't work that way?"

Smirking, I thought of our honeymoon and how, despite everyone else's beliefs, I had not caused her any lasting harm for that very same reason. I never wanted to hurt Bella; I wanted to protect her from every threat, including myself.

"It will," I said calmly.

"But what if - "

"Jacob," I moaned and rubbed my forehead.

"Look, I just mean, how can you be sure? Those newborns we fought weren't _new_ new, but they were crazed, blood-thirsty, and out of control." _...like Bella will be._

"Do you think we don't know that?" I snapped at last. "Do you think any of us would ever let anything happen to Renesmee? Bella would never forgive herself if _she_ were to hurt our only daughter, and she is going to live forever! Do you think I want that kind of guilt hanging over her head for the rest of time? I _**know**_ Bella will not hurt our daughter because _I_ would not. I know exactly what it feels like to be a newborn vampire, something _you_ cannot claim. After she hunts, we will see how she feels, and if she thinks she needs to wait, we will. But when she believes she is ready to meet her own daughter, I will not stop her."

"Will she be able to think?"

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just..."

He had crept closer to me as we talked until now, he actually reached out to grip my arm. It was like holding my arm to a branding iron, and I had to fight my automatic desire to fling him away, but he seemed not to notice that he was touching me at all.

"You can't read her mind. You knew when Blondie lost it, but it won't be like that with Bella, and she'll be stronger than you. So, what if? Huh? What if she can't help it and tries to go after her?"

I tried to make my tone as persuasive as possible. "Then we will stop her."

"But how will you know? Alice wouldn't be able to see it happening."

"Jacob," I groaned in irritation.

His hand fell away from my arm, and he didn't speak, but his mind conjured an image of Bella sprinting toward our house, tossing one member of my family over her shoulder after another, like a quarterback determined to make the winning touchdown.

"Jacob," I said again, gentler this time. "Between Jasper, Carlisle, and myself, we have raised our share of newborn vampires; we know what to expect. I will not allow Bella to kill anything other than animals, and especially not the child she fought so hard to bring into this world."

 _What about Jacob?_

"What **about** Jacob?" I repeated.

 _You gonna let her kill him?_

"She wouldn't."

"Uh, who are you talking to?"

"Emmett thinks it's more likely she'll go after you than anyone else."

"Right. The whole imprinting on a baby thing."

 _"Yes._ The whole imprinting on _our_ baby... thing."

He laughed nervously. "You don't think she'd approve?"

"I don't."

 _Don't what? Approve? Or think she will?_

"Either. Both."

"Emmett," Carlisle said as he strolled into the exam room, "Bella is a selfless person, and Jacob has long been her friend."

Esme chose not to speak, but thought my name in deliberate disapproval of my attitude as she joined us. Rosalie was carrying Renesmee, with Emmett, Jasper, and Alice trailing after them.

"Did I miss something? Why is everyone - oh. Has she grown so much already?"

"See for yourself," Rosalie said as she passed my baby girl to me.

"She _is_ bigger," I agreed.

Renesmee gave me another one of her startling grins and patted my cheek. I braced myself for it this time and was able to tell the difference in the strength of her thoughts as she deliberately placed an image of myself singing to her into my head. I would have seen it regardless, but it pleased me that she _wanted_ me to see.

"I'll sing to you again later, alright?" I whispered in her ear and kissed her on her forehead. Her skin was incredible, so different from my own. It was softer, more delicate, yet far more resilient than a human's.

"Hnn."

"Did she just laugh?" Jacob was already at my elbow and reached out to tug gently on one bronze ringlet. Her hair was longer than it had been upon her birth, but the curls disguised just how much it had grown. He stretched the strand he held almost to her shoulder. It sprang right back into place when Jacob let it go, coming to rest just under her ear.

"She is very happy," said Jasper as he sidled over to stand behind Jacob.

Her eyes were fixed on Bella, and she made her happy sound again, but I frowned.

"Yes, because she thinks Bella should be ready to wake, and she wants her." I laughed sourly and mumbled, "I know the feeling."

Except for Carlisle, who was retrieving his tape measure and readying the scale, everyone gathered around me - _us._ Esme reached up to stroke the back of my head. Alice and Rose stood shoulder to shoulder in front of me. Even Emmett joined us, stepping up behind Rosalie to wrap his arms around her.

Renesmee's little rosebud mouth puckered when Bella remained where she lay. I recognized the bewildered hurt in them when she turned her chocolate eyes on me.

"I told you," Rosalie said with a laugh. "Not just yet, sweetie. Your mommy won't wake for a few days."

Her words brought a grin to my face.

Renesmee contemplated our smiles and seemed to decide that, since we were all so happy, she should be too. Her worry vanished quicker than if Jasper had intervened. She gave a contented sigh and rested her head against my chest, just where my heart had once beat.

The tiny girl in my arms wasn't the only one who felt such contentment. As though Jasper were doing it, a calm spread among us. I brushed my lips against the top of her head, marveling at the gift Bella had given to my entire family.

"I don't care how selfless Bella is," Emmett continued with a jab of his thumb toward Jacob. "Don't forget: she punched him in the face once already, and she was still a human then!"

Carlisle shook his head, convinced Bella's forgiving nature would carry through her change. "These circumstances are quite different."

"Yeah. The stakes just got way higher."

 _"_ I would wager her to be quite pleased with the turn of events."

"Oho, _re_ ally?" Emmett drawled. "Care to put your money where your mouth is, gramps?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Carlisle Cullen," Esme said sternly. "Are you going to **bet** on whether or not Bella tries to kill Jacob?"

"Why not? It is no gamble to wager on a sure thing. If Emmett wants to throw his money away, it may as well be in my direction."

Rosalie elbowed Jacob out of the way when Carlisle approached with his tape measure. Unlike the first time, Renesmee found his repeated desires to measure her to be uninteresting at best, but she held herself still in my arms, and stretched out when he asked.

"Who said anything about killin'? He only said she'd be 'quite pleased'. I say different."

"There, Esme," Carlisle said with a half smile. "I bet simply that she will be happy her best friend is so devoted to the protection of her daughter."

"Double or nothing she goes right for his throat."

"Jasper!" Esme's mouth hung open in shock.

"What? I know newborns; I say she'll act on instinct, and won't even stop to think about it."

"Alright, then." Emmett raised an eyebrow and gave Jasper a taunting smile. _"_ _I_ say she'll mad. Maybe not go for the kill mad, but it'll be close."

"And **_I_** say Bella would never hurt Jacob like that," Esme huffed.

"Done!"

"Do any of you even know what you are wagering?" I asked.

"Meh," Emmett said and waved his hand dismissively. "Details, details. We'll figure it out later."

Jacob didn't take his eyes off Renesmee while Carlisle took his careful measurements and didn't seem to notice how he was the subject of my family's banter. Despite its rather morbid subject matter, their attempt to include him pleased me - for Bella's sake, if nothing else.


	52. Waiting for the Sun

**52\. Waiting for the Sun**

As soon as the numbers on the display settled, I scooped Renesmee off the scale. It only confirmed what I could easily see and feel; our daughter was getting bigger. I grinned at Carlisle, pleased with how healthy she was. Most new parents had to wait days or even weeks to confirm that their child thrived.

His mind was full of charts and figures, but for once, he did not return my smile. He extrapolated the curve of her growth, and my smile fell as I watched his mind in horror. He imagined how she would look if her growth continued to progress at its current rate. The tiny, porcelain doll in my arms would quickly grow into a radiant young woman whose youthful beauty would shift too soon into a mature grace, and from there to an old woman with a sweet smile and a snow-white cloud of hair. Only, she would not truly be old; she would never live long enough to get that chance.

"No," I breathed and clutched Renesmee to my chest.

If Bella had lived out her human life, I would have felt myself lucky to get eighty years to spend in her angelic presence. If any of us had lived out our human lives, we would all be dead or close to it by now. If her growth continued its current pace, Renesmee, who had grown in a month what should have taken her a year, would live out the length of hers in a fraction of that time.

"Is there nothing you can do?"

 _Perhaps if we catered to the human side of her?_

"In what way?"

"How do you _stand_ that?" Jacob muttered to no one in particular. "Hey, bloodsucker. Care to fill the rest of us in?"

"Carlisle believes Renesmee is..." I tried to find a word mild enough not to frighten her, but which would still get my point across to him, "...mortal."

"And still growing very quickly," Carlisle said.

"Wait... wait a minute, doc. What are you saying? You think she's gonna die?"

"All things do eventually."

"Okay, but... she's only one day old. Why are you talking about the end of her life _now?"_

"Because," I said through my teeth, "as fast as she is growing, it is probably going to happen sooner, rather than later."

"But - " Jacob's husky voice broke. _...he can do something, right?_

"I don't know. How would _you_ propose we cater to her human side?"

Before Jacob could stammer an answer, Rosalie said, "We fed Bella blood to meet Renesmee's vampire thirst. Feed her like she was human."

"Formula?" I said doubtfully. "Why not milk?"

"I picked up some of both," Esme said.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go _get_ it." Jacob's tone displeased all of us, but Esme chose to overlook his rude behavior.

She felt the debt we owed him was far from paid, and she wanted me to have another chance to feed my daughter anyway. A second later, we could hear her in the kitchen as she opened a cabinet, poured water into a pot, and turned the stove on.

Renesmee was confused by our unhappy tones when we had been smiling only moments earlier. Jacob stared at her with such an expression of dread and misery that she reached for him with a desire to comfort him similar to what I had seen when she had inadvertently hurt Bella. The moment she leaned in his direction, he was reaching for her. I let him take her from me only because of how much _she_ wanted him, too.

"Alice," Jacob moaned. "What do you see happening to her?"

"I can't see her."

"But," I protested, "I thought your visions had come back. You saw Bella wake up, didn't you?"

"I-I-I think so. That is, I'm pretty sure..."

"Alice!"

"Well, I'm sorry!" she said with a huff. "I've always seen her becoming a vampire, at least, I always had until she disappeared. I've been certain it was her fate all along, but having Jacob here messes everything up!"

"Oh, _I_ mess things up, right," Jacob muttered sarcastically. "You couldn't see Bella before I came over, but blame me, sure."

"Nobody blames you for anything, Jacob," Carlisle assured him.

"Speak for yourself," Rosalie said under her breath.

Trying not to sound like I was begging for a positive answer, I said, "Look again, Alice. Three days from now, what do you see?"

I wondered what it would mean for our family if Alice never truly regained her sight. She had expected - and so had I - that once Bella was separated from the child, her future would become clear, but the harder Alice strained to see Bella, the fuzzier everything seemed to become.

"Maybe you're trying too hard?" I suggested.

In hasty response to Alice's wordless exclamation, Carlisle said, "Perhaps if you came at the problem from another angle. Do you see me returning to work?"

Alice blinked rapidly, then shut her eyes and concentrated once more. As she focused on Carlisle and stopped fighting for visions that wouldn't come, colors blossomed and voices echoed in her mind. I laughed with relief when I saw my father dressed in his white coat, striding down a hospital corridor. He was whistling to himself and smiling at the nurses he passed.

The ease with which he smiled couldn't have been fake. Bella would be fine. She _would!_

Excited, I said, "Do you get any sense of a time frame?"

 _No. Soon, but not_ too _soon._

"Well, that's all right. And..." I considered reaching out to ruffle her hair, but she saw my plan and was prepared to duck away before I could touch her. Instead, I chuckled and said, "Thank you."

 _I take it she saw something?_

"Yes." At Jacob's annoyed sigh, I elaborated, "Alice saw you in the hospital, wearing your lab coat and whistling."

"That is good news!" Carlisle tweaked Renesmee's chin and went to put his instruments away.

Reassured by the return of our smiles, Renesmee decided it was time to fill her stomach and soothe her throat.

"Esme is fixing something for you right now," Jacob told her when she pushed the memory of her last bottle into his mind.

Renesmee looked pointedly around the room, flashed the faces of all of us for him to see, except Esme, then remembered me getting the blood from the cooler.

"We want you to try something new this time. No, Renesmee," I snickered when Jacob yelped. As I relieved him of the thirsty girl - it _was_ **my** turn to feed her! - I said, "You have bitten him before; that isn't new. This is milk - something all babies drink. Esme is just warming it for you."

Minutes later, my mother had returned and was handing the bottle to me, but when Renesmee caught a whiff of its contents, she pushed it firmly away.

"I know it doesn't smell as good," Esme said, "but will you try it anyway?"

I didn't need to read Renesmee's thoughts to understand the look on her face. Surely we didn't expect her to drink _that._ There was more force to the images she pushed into my mind this time. She had tolerated the water, but that had been relatively odorless. Something which the warm milk was definitely not.

"Many things taste different from how they smell," Carlisle said in his most persuasive tone. "Milk is good for you and has things your body needs in order to grow."

Her little nose wrinkled when she sniffed at the bottle again.

 _Perhaps it would help if you were not making faces too?_ Esme thought sternly.

Composing myself as best I could, I added my own entreaty, "Just give it a chance, please? If you truly don't like it, I won't ask you to finish, but won't you at least give it a taste?"

She heaved a sigh worthy of an adolescent girl, rather than an hours-old infant, but reached for the bottle and guided it to her mouth. I had to give her credit; she _did_ try. Renesmee bravely took two whole swallows before shoving the bottle full of milk away.

I rather wished she hadn't tried so hard and found myself fighting not to gag along with her over the sticky, pasty coating the milk had left in her mouth. It was only because I was already watching her thoughts that I saw her decision to launch herself at Jacob.

"Whoa! Hey, no!" He would taste far better than the milk had - even I had to agree - but that didn't mean he was an acceptable alternative.

"Give her to me!" he demanded while I struggled to both hold on to her and keep him from taking her.

"So she can drink your blood instead? Will somebody get her a real bottle already!"

"Sorry!" "Sorry!" Esme and Rosalie chorused. They flashed over to the cooler and cabinets, but weren't fast enough to suit Renesmee. She let out a wail of indignation, astonishingly high and clear, and when they reached for each other again, I had no choice but to let her go to him. Jacob cradled my daughter against his chest and let out a long hiss when she bit his hand hard. Her playful nips from earlier had been nothing compared with the force of her bite now, but he didn't try to jerk it away.

"Edward, shouldn't you stop her?" Jasper's eyes darted between the three of us as though I were calmly watching her make a human kill, but she wasn't truly drinking Jacob's blood. They held each other's eyes, while she held the side of his palm in her mouth. It was already healing, but the tiny swallows of his blood and the salty taste of his skin were enough to counter the awful stickiness the milk had left behind.

Tears shimmered in Renesmee's beautiful chocolate eyes. She wasn't even sharing her thoughts with him, yet communicated her remorse quite clearly. She hadn't meant to bite so hard, but that had tasted absolutely _revolting._ She reached eagerly for the bottle Esme offered this time and made relieved grunts as she drank the blood it contained.

A strange ache settled into my chest as I watched the two of them. It was hard not to take her rejection personally when I had been, once again, unable to feed my own daughter, yet there Jacob stood, rocking slightly from side to side while she snuggled against his warm chest. She seemed to enjoy the contrast to the cold blood and relaxed in his arms while she drank.

Deliberately turning my back on them, I strode over to Bella's side. She seemed so peaceful, an innocent girl, enjoying a deep, dreamless sleep. Her fingers remained lax when I slid mine through them.

"No, it's better that he does," I said in response to several thoughts. "But please, feed her somewhere else, won't you?"

"Come, Jacob," Esme said. "We'll try something else again, later."

Everyone except Carlisle followed them downstairs. He joined me, standing with Bella between us, and checked her vital signs once more. Nothing had changed, excepting the spreading of my venom - something which was both reassuring and worrisome. How much longer could this last?

 _I know what you are thinking._

"Remind me who's the telepath here?"

He laughed softly and thought, _I do not need to read your mind to know when you are upset._

My attempt at a nonchalant shrug didn't fool him. "It's fine, Carlisle, really. I'll feed her after we hunt. It will be easier to watch then."

He accepted my explanation with a shrug of his own, which I couldn't help but to chuckle at.

 _She is quite something though, is she not? As thirsty as any newborn vampire, she **bit** Jacob, but did not drink his blood. _

"I know."

 _That astonishing infant is nothing like the immortal children I once knew._

"No," I agreed with fervent relief.

 _Her very existence calls into question much which was once assumed about us._

"Is that your version of 'I told you so'?"

"No," he said with a laugh. "I could not have told you of her, as she is nothing I could ever have imagined."

I could only nod in understanding. I _had_ imagined a child of Bella's, had longed to be able to give her that child, but always I had pictured a human infant. Only after she was pregnant had I imagined a vampire baby, and then, it had been the stuff of nightmares - were I still capable of sleep.

Reality was the exact opposite. That which I had feared had not come to fruition. Renesmee had Bella's sweet innocence, her human eyes and heart, yet none of her frailty. She was a vampire, with our strength, perfect recall, and capacity for understanding, without having endured the pain of transformation and who was not controlled by her thirst - though she felt it keenly. If, prior to conceiving, Bella had been willing to imagine having my baby, I rather thought she would have been exactly right.

Well, except that I had given her a daughter, not a son.

And I doubted her imaginings would have included Jacob's imprinting on our newborn baby girl. Admittedly, his concern over her wellbeing was more irritating than worrisome - no parent enjoyed being constantly questioned - but he was far more attached than could be easily explained away.

Whatever Bella's opinion of the imprint, we would have to find some way to explain why this young man - who looked to be in his twenties - was absorbed in a girl child who so obviously bore no relation to him. No sibling story would be able to explain their bond; her pale, slightly glistening skin tone was nothing like the rich brown color of the Quileutes.

Regardless of how we rearranged ourselves on paper, the seven of us always drew some kind of attention. My family was larger than ever now, with Bella and Renesmee bringing us up to nine. Just adding Bella to our story would not have complicated matters all that much, and having a child might even have added plausibility to our cover stories. But where would Jacob fit in? And what of Seth and Leah? Where would they go when we left?

I scoffed at myself and decided not to care. Bella or Carlisle would know what to do to placate the humans' need for explanations. I needn't concern myself over something so far in the future.

By the time explaining their relationship was something we had be concerned with, the gap in their apparent ages might be negligible, or even reversed. As fast as she was growing, Renesmee would not stay little for very long.

However odd Jacob's devotion for my daughter might seem to an outsider, the truth was simple: he could never allow her to come to harm. But that was exactly the trouble with the werewolves, and Sam's Emily was proof. He didn't _have_ to allow it; anyone near them could be unintentionally hurt or killed simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time!

I fingered a lock of her hair and amended my thoughts. Any _human_ could be accidentally harmed, but a vampire was not so easily damaged. Bella could visit with the wolves all she chose after she woke; if anyone got out of line, it would not be _her_ hand which would be broken.

Renesmee already demonstrated a strength and resilience which no human infant had ever attained. If any child was safe with them, she surely was. And in his care, she would be that much more protected from others who might harbor ill intent toward her. Whatever dangers Fate chose to throw at Renesmee, no doubt the werewolf who was forever devoted to her safety would be more than capable of helping us fend them off.

The problem was: he kept wanting to protect Renesmee from _us._ His eyes followed her every movement, and those of whoever was holding her, constantly analyzing whether Rosalie was leaning close to kiss her cheek or bite her throat, if Emmett's teeth were bared in a grin of delight or attack, and whether or not Jasper should even be allowed near Renesmee at all, considering his less-than-perfect control. Jasper unconsciously agreed with Jacob and declined Esme's offer for the chance to hold her, but didn't hesitate to bask in our happiness.

And we _were_ happy, in a way that our family had never been before.

For Jacob was wrong. _I_ had been wrong. It was Bella who had been right - not just about Renesmee, but about me. About _us._ No damned creature or soulless monster could have had a part in the creation of such a perfect being as mine and Bella's daughter. She was a combination of the best of both vampire and human, and seeing the good in her was like being shown the good in ourselves. We weren't human, but that did not make us inherently evil.

And if _we_ were not automatically evil, then neither would Bella be. She would forever remain the pure, sweet girl I first fell in love with, as I would forever be the boy she loved, Bella's husband, and father of her daughter.

I couldn't wait for Bella to wake and meet her!

Our family had not quite finished readying the cabin when Bella's unexpected pregnancy prompted our early return. Alice had nearly everyone making up for lost time now, Seth included. In a brief moment between projects, Emmett and Jasper came home to pry Rosalie away from Renesmee. If they had any hope of finishing before Bella woke, they would need her help, too.

My sister was resisting; she felt she had already missed too much when she left yesterday and wanted to wait until Renesmee slept before leaving again. Unfortunately for her, it was Jacob who looked closer to falling asleep, but that would have meant giving her into the protection of one of us - specifically Rose - something which _he_ was resisting.

I wasn't sure if their subtle power play was worse, or the more blatant throwing of insults. Renesmee simply liked hearing everyone's voices, and happily reclined against Jacob's chest while listening with wide-eyed interest.

"I'm tellin' ya, Jazz," Emmett continued, "Bella had to've planned it this way."

"You're reaching."

"Am not! Lookit: Stimpson. Jacob. Cat. Boom."

"It's a _coincidence;_ I know hundreds of people with J names, myself included."

"It fits, and you know it."

"Stimpy was a cat, Emmett. Not a dog. Not a wolf. A cat."

"I know! _Ren_ was the dog. That's why it's funny!"

"Emmett has a point," Rosalie said. "Jacob _is_ an idiot, so that fits, too."

"Says the pot to the kettle," Jacob muttered with a snort.

"Bella rarely watches television at all," I interjected, "and I seriously doubt she would have watched that vial show, much less wanted her child and best friend named after its characters."

"But Bells is all about nicknames, Eddie," Emmett argued back from downstairs. "If your kid had been a boy, she was gonna call him EJ, yeah? And the mutt here is Jake, and when was the last time she let anyone call her Isabella?"

"Yes, Em," I said patiently, "but that is partly the point; if she had wanted to shorten Renesmee's name, she would have said so, just as she did when planning on calling a boy EJ."

"You're overthinking it. As _usual."_

Fighting back a laugh, I scowled at the floor as though I could see him looking up at me through it and said, "What I _think,_ is that Renesmee is a beautiful and unique name that perfectly fits Bella's gorgeous, one-of-a-kind child."

"It's an unmanageable mouthful, is what it is."

"Shorten it if you must, but you are _not_ nicknaming her _or_ Jacob after those horrid cartoon characters."

"Spoilsport."

"A rose by _any_ other name?" I suggested.

Emmett had my sister by the waist before I had finished speaking. She giggled when he nuzzled her neck, and he agreed, "Would still smell as sweet."

"Uh-huh," Jacob said around a yawn. "Call 'em what you want - leeches, ticks, Cullens - all vampires stink."

Rosalie left Emmett's embrace to pluck Renesmee from Jacob's loose hold and snarled, "You're free to leave at any time!"

Jacob automatically reached out to take her back, though my sister was already standing on the other side of the room. He tried to turn the motion into a natural stretch, tucked his hands behind his head, and wiggled his shoulders deeper into the couch's cushions. "Sure, sure. Right after my nap."

"How about right now? I would hate to think Renesmee _Cullen's_ stench offended you!"

"Wait, what? No! I didn't mean - _She_ smells great, all warm and clean."

"And here I was thinking you didn't even know what 'clean' smelled like. How many months has it been since your last bath?"

He turned his head to sniff his exposed armpits and said, "I had a dunk in the river yesterday. I'm good."

"Disgusting beast," she muttered while Jacob snickered. Renesmee distracted Rosalie from bickering with him further, for which I was quite grateful.

 _Huh._ That must have been how Carlisle felt whenever she and I had fought. The man truly was the embodiment of patience, putting up with the two of us for most of a century.

It was rather surprising that even Jacob liked the way Renesmee smelled. _We_ all thought she smelled wonderful, enough like a vampire to counter the enticing human aroma, but to a werewolf, vampires smelled terrible. Shouldn't the half-vampire child have smelled at least a little off to him, if nothing else? Or perhaps he only didn't notice her vampire scent with so many of us around.

I couldn't help but to burst out laughing at the expression of surprise on Renesmee's face when Jacob began snoring.

After Rosalie fed her yet another bottle, Renesmee began showing signs of being tired too. A yawn escaped her little rosebud mouth, and she snuggled against my sister, as comfortable in the cool, hard arms of her vampire aunt as she had been when the hot-blooded werewolf had held her. She let out a sigh and swiftly relaxed into sleep. Rosalie began humming, tucked Renesmee's head under her chin, and ran light fingers through her bronze curls.

Emmett had not craved a child in the way Rosalie always had, but he did regret not being able to provide her with one. Watching her rocking the child she had fought for seemed to make his chest ache with an overwhelming sense of love and pride. I turned my gaze back to my own amazing wife, grateful that I, too, knew what it was to love and be loved by a strong woman.

After several long minutes of enjoying the emotions in the house, Jasper prompted, "That last coat should be dry by now. We'd best get back to it."

"I dunno if it'll be worse if they want us to paint again," Emmett said with a groan, "or help them shop."

"Would you prefer the newlyweds live here? You do know Esme likes this house?"

"I don't mind fixin' them a house. I just don't see the point in decorating something that won't even be standing in a few days."

"Like you two haven't smashed houses apart before."

"And will again!" he said as he wiggled his eyebrows at his wife. "But if anyone cares what color the walls are in the middle o' makin' whoopee... you're doing it wrong."

Of their own accord, my lips spread into a broad grin. Bella hadn't noticed when I had torn holes in the walls, much less bothered to worry about their color. Delighted to be able to join in with their banter for once, I said, "With as many of your rooms as I've painted over the years, perhaps it is **you** who needs some pointers?"

"Hey, it's not my fault you let Alice and Esme bully you into helping with the smelly jobs. Why do you think the roof always needs my attention whenever there's decorating to be done?"

"I always knew, but I believe that's the last time you get to use that particular excuse!"

Jasper burst out laughing at Emmett's crestfallen expression.

"Cheer up, monkey man," Rosalie said before kissing his cheek. "I promise to need your help with my car the next time there's painting to be done." She headed for the stairs to bring Renesmee to me, and called over her shoulder, "But for now, Esme says the plan is to paint first, then go shopping, _then_ paint some more."

Emmett groaned while Jasper chortled, but the two were ready to head back out as soon as Rosalie could pull herself away. She had handed my sleeping daughter to me, but still hesitated to leave, even for the shortest time. She brushed a thumb across Renesmee's forehead with a softness in her eyes I didn't recognize. Or perhaps it was the hard edge of resentment which had gone. There was no mistaking the happiness in the smile she flashed at me. Seconds later, the three had left to join the rest of my family.

There was a cabin that needed finishing.

Throughout the long night, they came and went. Alice wasn't trying to keep the interior of the cabin a secret from me in the way she had done with the wedding decorations, but I wasn't all that interested in spying. It was to be our home, even if only for a short time, and I could study it at leisure later. I did wonder how much of the time Carlisle spent postulating over Alice's gift and why it would - and wouldn't - work was out of true scientific curiosity, and how much due to him trying to get away from the paint fumes, but at least his theories were interesting to listen to. Alice's chagrin when his inevitable logic made sense of her blind spots had me chuckling, but understanding her problem was the first step to getting around it.

Carlisle returned home to check on Bella and measure Renesmee, a feat we managed to accomplish without waking either of them. I tried to shelve my worry over how fast our daughter continued to grow, but it wasn't easy. How old would she look by the time Bella woke? Would she miss her daughter's first steps?

Neither did they wake when Charlie called. Without being asked, or asking permission, when the phones began their despondent ringing for a third time during Seth's visit, he went around and turned off the various ringers. He was worried about Charlie, but his easy optimism was a refreshing change. It would all work out somehow; he was sure of it.

Seth watched Bella's transformation with unabashed curiosity and compared her current physical condition with what he knew of vampire mythology.

There had been a time in their history when humans would dig up the remains of recently deceased loved-ones, convinced they were rising from their graves to prey upon the townsfolk. Bella's corpse-like stillness and bloodless complexion were what he would have expected, given the death humans were rumored to undergo before joining the ranks of the eternal _un_ dead.

Through clenched teeth, I explained to him that what he was seeing was not normal. Keeping the emotion from my voice as best I could, I told him of the morphine, and of Carlisle's belief that the medication was protecting her from the pain she would otherwise be experiencing.

Seth's brows wrinkled with concern. _He doesn't know for sure? Haven't you guys done this before?_

"He tried. With Emmett. But he was already changing when Carlisle injected him. Bella had morphine in her before I bit her. He thinks that's the difference this time."

"Good thing Carlisle's a doctor and can get stuff like that."

I could only nod. Not that we were above stealing whatever we needed, if we were unable to procure it legally. What did human laws and possessions matter to a vampire, especially when a loved one was at stake?

"Wonder if the humans got any legends right? We aren't what they think, either."

 _"You_ aren't what you think."

"Um, what?"

"You are not a werewolf, not really."

"Edward, I dunno if you noticed, but I _kinda_ change from a human into a giant wolf and back again."

"Yes," I snickered, "your shape shifts, but you are still you in either form."

"What're you saying?"

"Just... there is more to this world than any of us know," I mumbled. "I wouldn't take anything for granted, Seth. If there's a legend about it, chances are pretty good there are facts to back them up, if one were to look long enough."

A thoughtful frown crossed his face while he nodded. "I guess."

I wished Alice would come home so I could ask her to look for Bella's father. To most people, no news was good news, but when Alice's visions could no longer be counted upon to forewarn us of danger, that was not necessarily true. Even when she had been watching, Bella had managed to escape and visit Jacob.

The incorrect telephone numbers Esme had been giving Charlie were not going to delay him for much longer. Too soon, Charlie would get through to the CDC on his own and discover our ruse. What if he then decided to ignore Bella's reassurances and Carlisle's warnings and come here? Avoiding his calls would not prevent him from checking. Would Alice see when he did? Could we be gone before then?

There was nothing I could do about it either way.

I could only do as I had done for so many nights, and waited and watched while my beloved slept. Only now, I watched my daughter sleep, too.

To my amazement, Renesmee had yet to awaken by the time the soft illumination of early morning began flooding the room. When the first rays of direct sunlight touched them, her eyelids fluttered, the long lashes trembling lightly against her cheeks, and then opened to reveal eyes exactly the shade of Bella's. She blinked and rubbed a fist into her eyes, stretched out in my arms and yawned. She had grown so much while she slept and would undoubtedly be clamoring for another bottle soon, but for the moment, I simply stood in place, returning the grin she gave me.

Neither of us had made much noise, but it didn't surprise me that, within minutes of my daughter waking, Jacob would shuffle into the room, yawning and rumpling his hair.

"Morning, Nessie."

She reached toward him with a wide grin and made little grasping motions.

I paused in the act of passing her to him and raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "Nessie?"

"Yeah, well, there's no accounting for Bella's tastes. I mean, she did marry _you."_

"That's right," I said with a smirk. "She did."

He didn't wait for me to give Renesmee up on my own and reached out to take her. After spending the entire night holding my own warm-blooded daughter, my arms felt empty and cold without her. I attempted to cover my discomfiture by taking the chance to more closely examine Bella's progress. She had yet to move, nor had her heartbeat or breathing slowed.

It rankled that Jacob couldn't even spare Bella a glance! I wondered if it would still bother me as much if someone else held his attention, and not mine and Bella's infant daughter.

"Your big brother has a point, though; that name's a mouthful. I was gonna go with Ren, but he ruined that, and anything else sounded too much like someone else in this crazy family. I figure, this way, she's still special."

Somehow, I thought Bella would be pleased.

When Renesmee thirsted, Jacob went straight for the cooler without hesitation. I guessed, after I had spilled a cupful all over him, carefully pouring a unit of blood into the bottle himself wasn't such a big deal. Thankfully, he left the room to feed her downstairs. Rose was not pleased when she came home only minutes after Renesmee had finished her meal. Esme tried to soothe my sister by assuring her that she could feed her next time, but the mutual antagonism between Rosalie and Jacob didn't look to be easing any time soon.

Rose argued that the two were going shopping for supplies, and they might not be back quick enough. Esme didn't really need Rose, did she? Why not take Jacob shopping, instead?

With each passing minute in which she failed to wake, my worry over Bella's silent stillness grew. Time often seemed to crawl to a vampire's senses, but never had I waited through a longer few days than these. My beloved's physical differences were as obvious this morning as our daughter's. The venom had done nothing about the changes made to Esme's body during her pregnancy, but in Bella's case, the venom had fully restored her healthy curves. Her face had regained its heart shape with the return of her plump cheeks. Her flat tummy no longer looked like a rapidly deflated balloon. The only way in which she did not look like a pale replica of her old self was the slight bend in her back from the broken spine, which had yet to heal.

In fact, other than her broken spine, she did not look as though she had ever been pregnant at all.

I wondered if the difference was the speed at which their pregnancies had progressed, or if it were due to the fact that Esme had blossomed while carrying her child, whereas Bella had wasted away. Esme's pregnancy had been a healthy one; Bella's had not, and the venom was returning her to that state of perfect health in the same way it had mended Esme's bones, but left her soft curves.

I knew the moment the last of the morphine wore off. _Still_ Bella did not wake.

Jacob decided it wasn't healthy for Renesmee to spend her entire life indoors and took her outside, where he lounged in the grass with her balanced on one knee.

I loved staring into her eyes, even through Jacob's senses. She found him nearly as fascinating as he found her and, despite the new environment, it was Jacob who held her attention. He was so different from all the rest of us! His heart beat, he was hot, and his rich coloring was nothing like our pallor. She quite enjoyed the contrast between his skin color and hers, and it was some time before she looked away from him to spy the flowers sprinkled about our lawn. He picked one when she pointed imperiously at a nearby cluster and laughed at her expression of pleased surprise when he held it under her nose.

Nothing would suit, then, but that Jacob had to take her around to smell the different species of wildflowers that Esme had cultivated.

Like all animals, birds instinctively avoided vampires and would never consent to perch upon my finger, but Jacob had merely to sit in the grass and whistle, and was soon surrounded by a feathered audience. For once glad he never looked away from her for long, I witnessed the wonder play across my daughter's face as she focused on the birds' aerial acrobatics.

 _Flight!_ The very concept was staggering.

When Jacob held one up for closer inspection, she was aware of the blood flowing within the tiny creature and could hear the rapid heartbeat, but was interested only in the way the feathers lay, how they fluttered and caught the wind - wind which she could feel, though there was nothing to be seen. Yet the birds rode the air, soared and dove through it, and it moved her hair, making the curls dance as if they had a life of their own.

One of the birds lost a feather, and she spent most of an hour examining it with an intensity like no human child had ever displayed. The feather's iridescence was similar to her own luminous skin. Following Jacob's example, she ran her finger along the barbs, marveling at the softness of the down.

Carlisle was pleased to find them sitting in the shade of a tree when he came home to take his regular measurements of his granddaughter's growth, but I found it hard to pay the results any attention. Renesmee grew too quickly; knowing the specifics changed nothing. Despite being quite thirsty after a morning spent outside, she flatly refused the bottle he tried to feed her. When my father attempted to enlist my help, _I_ refused. Milk was natural, even when slightly processed for commercial distribution. The powdered formula he was offering this time was wretched stuff, and I was not about to subject her to something worse than milk.

Eventually, he relented and gave her the blood she demanded, but her exclusive feeding preference concerned him almost as much as the speed at which she grew.

I wasn't particularly worried; she had been willing to try the milk. We would simply need to broaden our offerings until we found foods she liked. If it turned out she was unable to tolerate any kind of human food, there was no doubt she would learn to accept a diet of animal blood. At least her eyes were naturally brown, even when drinking human blood; if we had to supplement with donated units from time to time, her eyes would never burn with the evidence.

I ached for Bella's eyes to open. I ached to see recognition and love in them. I ached for it to be over!

After returning Renesmee into the care of her werewolf protector, Carlisle joined me to check on Bella. He could hear the rapid pace of her heart as well as I, yet feeling her pulse reassured him. He would be yet more assured if she would react to him in any way, but not ever her eyes were moving beneath her closed lids.

"Still no change?"

"None."

He leaned close and inhaled deeply. "There's no scent of morphine left."

"I know."

"Bella?" he asked. "Can you hear me?" We both watched her face carefully for any flicker of acknowledgement. There were none. He straightened and eyed her with a frown, but seemed more curious than concerned. _Perhaps she would respond to you?_

"Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes?" I slid my fingers into her lax grip. "Can you squeeze my hand?"

This endless waiting for Bella to come back to life was intolerable!

The words I had been trying not to think forced their way from my mouth. "Maybe... Carlisle, maybe I was too late."

"Listen to her heart, Edward. It is stronger than even Emmett's was. I have never heard anything so _vital._ She will be perfect."

"And her - her spine?" I had to ask. Bella hated having to rely on anyone; spending eternity as an invalid had not been part of her plan.

"Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as it did Esme."

Frustrated by his easy dismissal of my fears, I insisted, "But she's so still. I _must_ have done something wrong."

"Or something right, Edward." When I shot him a furious glare, he hastened, "Son, you did everything I could have and more. I am not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."

His voice was firm, and his gaze held not even a shadow of doubt. Deliberately, he recalled the way Esme had looked when he had found her in the morgue. The humans had written her off as dead upon arrival, and had not even bothered attempting to revive someone so badly injured. Rose's attackers had inflicted internal damage aside from the rape, and Emmett, too, had been badly damaged. His skin had been gouged, ripped, and torn from the bear's teeth and claws, where Bella's single surgical wound had been clean.

The venom was working. Her body was changing as it was supposed to. I would simply have to believe she would make a full recovery until they were all proven right. I couldn't bear to think they might be wrong.

But if it was working, then she surely was suffering.

"She must be in agony."

"We don't know that," he countered again. "She had so much morphine in her system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience."

I thought he protested a little too strongly. I could believe she would wake; believing she could change without feeling it was something else, something which I was not capable of doing. But how was she remaining still if she could feel? How was she doing this? Perhaps it was the broken spine which protected her?

Afraid to disturb her if she was truly resting, I brushed my fingers against one of the places where I had bit her arm and whispered, "Bella, I love you. Bella, I'm sorry."

Esme and Rosalie returned amidst a nearly incomprehensible flurry of white lace and ribbons. Their voices sounded as happy as their thoughts, so I supposed the fluff meant the two had been successful on their shopping trip - whatever that meant! My sister scooped Renesmee up the moment she spied her and was treated to a play-by-play of her morning with the birds.

Rosalie took offense that Jacob couldn't have waited until she was back to do something so special as to take Renesmee outside. He pointed out that Nessie had shown her anyway, so what was the big deal? Esme reminded her that the birds wouldn't have come so close if any of us had been out there, which didn't exactly soothe Rosalie's ire, nor did his casual renaming of Bella's daughter. She decided to cover up being irritated with Jacob by pronouncing _Nessie's_ clothes to be much too small and whisked her upstairs to Alice's room, where there was a mountain of tiny clothes ready and waiting.

I guessed it didn't take foreknowledge to anticipate the clothing needs of a rapidly growing child.

As the two women began giggling like school-girls, Carlisle eyed me questioningly, but I just shrugged, uninterested in describing their fashion show. Esme was taking pictures of each outfit Renesmee allowed them to dress her in and could show him later, if he truly wanted to see. Nessie found the process of dressing to be mildly interesting, and enjoyed the textures and color variety, though she did not understand all the fuss they were making. She did enjoy their happiness however, and played along willingly.

When the three tired of their game - or perhaps simply ran out of clothes - they returned downstairs to find Jacob and Seth helping themselves to the food in the kitchen. Leah had refused their invitation to join them, but I had a feeling she would be willing to eat something _they_ fixed, so long as it was away from here. Esme offered to cook something in lieu of the sandwiches they were assembling, but they declined. She tried to cover her disappointment, but Seth correctly interpreted the tone of her voice, and requested a hot meal later, which she instantly began planning with a mind toward foods Renesmee might enjoy.

Jacob instantly found fault with Esme's suggestion of trying food already. Nessie was barely two days old! Shouldn't they stick with blood for the time being?

Rosalie found his change of heart highly amusing, and the two began sniping at each other over what was best for Renesmee again.

 _Perhaps you could leave this room long enough to mediate? They are fighting over your daughter, after all._

"No, I'm staying right here. They'll sort it out."

"An interesting situation, and I had thought I had seen just about everything."

"I'll deal with it later. _We'll_ deal with it," I amended and slid my fingers into her hand again.

"I am sure, between the five of us, we can keep it from turning into bloodshed," he teased.

"I don't know which side to take. I'd love to flog them both. Well, later." When I didn't have to leave Bella to do it.

"I wonder what Bella will think - whose side she'll take."

"I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."

He gripped my shoulder briefly, then went to snag a couple of units from the cooler. After a slight pause, he thought it would be far better to remove all the blood from the room where Bella would soon wake. Arms piled high with bags of human blood, he left me to continue my vigil alone.


	53. Awake

**53\. Awake**

"How much longer?"

"It won't be long now," Alice assured me. "See how clear she's becoming? I can see her so much better."

As an image of Bella, staring at a red-eyed reflection of herself, appeared in Alice's mind, she sighed with satisfaction. The weeks of blindness had been hard on her. Her continued inability to see the werewolves or Nessie was frustrating, but at least the rest of the family was only hidden while in their presence.

"Still feeling a little bitter?" I teased.

She made a pouty face and stuck her tongue out at me. "Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up. You would be mortified, too, if you realized that you were handcuffed by your own nature. I see vampires best, because I am one; I see humans okay because I was one. But I can't see these odd half-breeds at all because they're nothing I've experienced. Bah!"

"Focus, Alice."

"Right." Alice closed her eyes and looked past Bella's immediate future. "Bella's almost too easy to see now."

I caught flashes of deep blue as my beloved streaked through the forest, the ghost of her laugh floating on the breeze, then Alice focused on a still shot of Bella crouched on a branch, staring at something intently.

Almost, I couldn't believe it. She _would_ wake from this perfect stillness. She would run and hunt. She would laugh! "She really is going to be fine."

"Of course she is."

"You weren't so sanguine two days ago."

"I couldn't _see_ right two days ago. But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."

"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock - give me an estimate."

"So impatient. Fine. Give me a sec - " Alice focused again on the image of Bella looking at herself in the mirror, only this time, her future-self angled the mirror she held to show the clock on the other wall. That was only a few hours from now!

"Thank you, Alice."

"She's going to be dazzling."

A rumble grew in the middle of my chest. "She always has been."

"You know what I mean. _Look_ at her."

I _was._

And Alice was absolutely right. All traces of illness and starvation had been washed away by my spreading venom. She was once again the beautiful, sweet girl I had first fallen in love with, round of cheek and soft of curves, flawless in every respect, now polished beyond perfection. Dazzling, indeed.

My attention alternated between watching Bella and watching the clock.

They were both nearly motionless. Yet no matter how slowly it moved, the hands on the clock measured time's inexorable march, along with the last racing heartbeats and gasping breaths of my beloved Bella.

A change at last! Her heart, already sprinting, broke into a wild gallop.

I wanted to shout his name, but carefully said, "Carlisle."

He and Alice joined me immediately.

"Listen," I said when he only looked at me in curiosity.

He shifted his attention to Bella and noticed the difference in her pulse. "Ah. It's almost over."

"Soon," Alice confirmed. "I'll get the others. Should I have Rosalie...?" _...bring the baby here or keep her away so I can see because what if Bella can't stop herself? What if she got hurt because I can't see? I could never forgive myself if she -_

"Yes," I interrupted. "Keep the baby away." Better to be safe than sorry, and there would be plenty of time for Bella to meet our incredible daughter later, after she had been given a chance to acclimate to her new body.

Suddenly, Bella's fingers, lifeless for more than two days, twitched in my hand. My silent heart, lifeless for so many long years, leapt with excitement.

"Bella? Bella, love?"

I squeezed her hand hopefully, but she did not return the gesture. I shot Alice a worried look, and she began backing toward the door.

"I'll bring them right up."

Alice darted away as Bella's heartbeat - already racing faster than a human's could safely withstand for any length of time - picked up speed again until her pulse was more like the hum of a live wire. As if electricity were indeed passing through her body, her back arced off the table, yet her face remained expressionless, her hand did not clench into a fist nor twitch again, and neither did her legs spasm and drum against the table.

As she slumped back to the table, Bella's thrumming heart stumbled, gave a final, hard thump, and did not move again.

Nor did she inhale after the last air escaped her lungs.

For a full minute that felt longer than the last two days combined, Bella lay as still and silent as a corpse. But she wasn't dead! I knew she wasn't! I waited for her to wake in a state of poised excitement so acute it was agonizing.

Long and lightly curved, absolutely black in sharp contrast with her white skin, her eyelashes trembled, and her eyes moved beneath closed lids.

And then, Bella's eyes opened, and she lived again.

With her first inhalation, we all resumed breathing as well. She did not blink, look around, or move again other than to take another breath. She must have been so disorientated! I knew all too well how confusing those first moments were. Alice had awoken with no memories, including those from her transformation, as if she had simply appeared, fully formed, the moment she opened her eyes.

Would Bella be like Alice? Saved from an eternity of her remembering her painful change at the cost of all her memories? Including those of me?

Should that be the case, I would just have to make her fall in love with me again! It would be easy this time, now that we were more alike.

I squeezed her hand lightly, offering some small measure of encouragement that she was safe, but rather than take comfort from my touch, she acted as though she were under attack. She ripped her hand out of my light clasp, and a sound, defensive and threatening as a cornered cat and unlike any she had made before, escaped through her teeth. In the same movement, one of which no human would have been capable, she sprang from the table, flipped through the air, and landed in a defensive crouch against a wall.

Bright red eyes wheeled and darted, taking in the room and the vampire family gathered by the door in one quick sweep before finding me. Once her eyes met mine, they didn't leave. Bella was motionless once more, only now, her expression was almost comically stunned.

 _There_ was my bewildered Bella.

She straightened from her defensive crouch and continued to stare at me and I at her. Yet there was no hint of recognition in those red eyes. She seemed incredulous, as though unable to comprehend what her new eyes could see.

Drawn to her despite the mental cautions of my family, I walked slowly toward the girl I loved. She was a newborn vampire, and her change had been one unlike any other we had seen or heard of before. It was best not to startle her further, but I couldn't _not_ go to her.

"Bella?" I said as I walked. "Bella, love? I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine."

 _She is confused and afraid, worried,_ Jasper thought deliberately, but I ignored his warnings. Of course she was confused! Was that not why I was trying to reassure her?

By the time I stood before her, Bella had yet to move. Her eyes remained locked on me. I could only take that as a good sign. The look on her face was like that of our first days as friends, before our day in the meadow, before I had dared to touch her or tell her I loved her. Well, I had already said the second.

Her jet-black pupils contracted and her eyes widened the moment I touched her cheek. A shock, like she still carried that electricity within her, shot from my fingertip through the rest of me so that every one of my cells tingled with life and love and longing. What could that have felt like to her?! I raised an eyebrow in invitation as she continued to simply stand and stare.

With the impetuousness that had surprised me from the start, she threw her arms around my waist, snuggled her face against my chest, and squeezed.

 _Hard._

Her eyes met mine again, this time with fear in them as I winced.

"Um... carefully, Bella. Ow."

Instantly, as if she had never had her arms around me at all, she stood a pace away with her hands behind her back. Her eyes were wide, but there was a crinkle of amusement at their corners.

 _Oops,_ she mouthed.

Delighted relief swept through me. Bella really was fine!

"Don't panic, love." Very slowly, I reached out to touch her again, this time brushing my fingers against her light pink, satin lips. Her breath was warm, not hot. "You're just a bit stronger than I am for the moment."

A familiar crease of confusion formed between her eyebrows.

My hand curled itself to the shape of her face. It was familiar, too. I knew every muscle and bone intimately, and the curves felt the same, but there was a difference. Her new skin, unbelievably smooth against my palm, gave only slightly at the pressure of my fingers. Like a dream made real, she was _here_ in a way she had never been before.

In a move so astonishingly slow and smooth it was nearly human, she raised a hand to caress my face. Unnecessarily, the pace of her breathing increased, making me think she, too, felt the doubling of the charge between us.

"I love you," she said. Her voice, always so sweet, had a new ring, but it was still hers, and the words she spoke were music to my ears.

"As I love you."

Unable to resist, I cupped my other hand to her cheek and leaned close to kiss my beloved bride. Gently, as though she were still human and breakable, delicate and oh, so precious, I brushed my lips against hers. Her arms encircled my neck; her lips pressed back against mine, firm, but not hard. She was being careful this time, but I no longer had to be! I crushed my mouth to hers, knotted my fingers in her hair, and pulled her solid body against mine.

Able to kiss her now in a way which had never been safe before, I gave myself to the pleasure of tasting Bella's mouth. Sucking lips and thrusting tongue, venom as sweet as her blood, but without the burn, she tasted every bit like my Bella, and I couldn't get enough. Her body rose, easily lifting herself into my embrace with her new, strong arms. She didn't need me to support her, but I hoisted her a bit higher anyway. I wanted to run my hands up and down her legs and feel her curl them about my waist, to feel every inch of her all at once. I couldn't believe, after the events of the past weeks, that she was fine, awake, and as irrevocably in love with me now as she had been since before our very first kiss. _This_ was nothing like that first brushing of lips; there was nothing tentative in the way I opened my mouth to her, nor did she hesitate to draw me in. She was sweet and warm and _strong_ and forever mine.

"Ahem."

Bella started as Emmett pointedly cleared his throat. I rather resented the interruption, but guessed I didn't really want an audience for where this was going and allowed her to slip back to the floor.

If she were still human, surely she would have been bright red, but there was only the lightest pressing together of her lips and widening of her eyes as she remembered the others. She took a step back from me, but I wasn't about to let her go already and stepped with her. Her eyes caught mine again, and her lips parted in a little half-smile. She looked dazzled, and it pleased me to no end that I could still do that to her.

"You've been holding out on me," she accused.

If my heart had still beat, it surely would have burst from my chest at hearing those words. With one sentence, she had made everything right. She would always be my Bella, and she had just proved it.

Laughing with delight, I said, "It was sort of necessary at the time. Now it's your turn to not break me." I couldn't help but to laugh again, and nor was I the only one.

Alice was grinning broadly; if she were any more excited, she would have been bouncing in place. Jasper had placed himself in front of her, and Emmett stood in front of Esme and Carlisle, as if Bella would ever have hurt any of them regardless of the circumstances. Carlisle stepped from behind his protection, walking casually toward Bella as though it were any other day. Jasper didn't seem to share his ease and hovered close, just in case.

I couldn't stop watching her face! Somehow, it was more expressive, more mobile, as if she had never learned how to mask her emotions. I laughed with delight again; if I could read her face better, and we were the same now, perhaps I could finally gain a glimpse inside her mysterious mind!

She seemed stunned as she stared at Carlisle. Her eyes traveled all over his face as though seeing him for the last time - or the first.

"How do you feel, Bella?" he asked.

"Overwhelmed. There's _so much..."_ Bella swallowed and seemed unable to finish, but we all understood. The sights, the smells, the sounds, it all took a bit of getting used to, even when one knew what to expect.

"Yes," he agreed, "it can be quite confusing."

Bella bobbed her head so quickly a human would have missed it. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."

"I told you so," I whispered and hugged her reassuringly.

"You are quite controlled," he said casually, the ever-present scientist in him watching and analyzing her every movement. "More so than _I_ expected, even with the time you had to prepare yourself mentally for this."

She seemed to consider his words before whispering, "I'm not sure about that."

He nodded, but the differences between Bella and every other newborn vampire we had ever met were astounding, and she had only just woken up! It was obvious she had her human memories, yet she had been spared - _I_ had been spared - her days of shrieking in agony to get here.

"It seems like we did something right with the morphine this time. Tell me," he said with bright eyes, "what do you remember of the transformation process?"

I studied her expression closely; even when she had learned to hide what she felt from the world, she had never been a good liar. Her face lost much of its mobility; I guessed if she could remember, she didn't want to.

"Everything was... very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe..."

Her eyes grew wide with fear and sought mine, but I smiled in anticipation of when Bella could meet our daughter.

"Renesmee is healthy and well."

Bella blinked unnecessarily as she absorbed my words.

"What do you remember after that?" I prompted.

Just how strong was my Bella? Had she known what was going on the whole time? Had she felt it? And then hidden it from me? That would have been so like her, sacrificing everything for someone she loved, even if only to spare me from knowing she hurt.

"It's hard to remember," she hedged. "It was so dark before. And then... I opened my eyes, and I could see _everything."_

"Amazing," said Carlisle.

Something about the way Jasper was frowning at Bella made me wonder what she could have been worrying over, but Carlisle was more interested in hearing her account than his newest son's overprotective hovering.

"I want you to think - to tell me everything you remember." A flash of pain and fear crossed Bella's face, and he was immediately contrite. "Oh, I am so sorry, Bella. Of course your thirst must be very uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."

As though his words caused her to suddenly feel the dry ache of a thirsty vampire, her eyes widened with surprise. Her hand cupped her throat, but there was nothing there except her own skin. The burn was within her now, as it would be forever. It was up to me to make her sacrifice worth it. I reached for the hand that wasn't cupping her throat and tugged.

"Let's hunt, Bella."

As often as we had discussed my family's choice of diet, she had never inquired as to the specifics of _how_ we fed, aside from not needing weaponry. The thought of hunting seemed to alarm her now.

"It's quite easy, love. Instinctual. Don't worry, I'll show you." She hesitated, so I gently teased, "I was under the impression that you'd always _wanted_ to see me hunt."

Bella rewarded me with a musical laugh, but continued to simply stand and stare at me. Perhaps she was simply too dazzled to move.

"Shall we?" I plucked her other hand from where it clasped her throat. She had always enjoyed my touch before, and surely did so now. I traced a finger along the line where her pulse had once beat, an action which would have caused her to shiver before, found the place where I had first bit her, and mumbled, "I don't want you to be hurting."

I nearly burst out laughing when she said, "I'm fine," but then stared in shock when she resisted my pull and said, "Wait. First."

Dizzyingly fast, Jasper remembered every newborn he had seen upon their moment of their awakening, and none of them had been interested in anything other than soothing the only burn which remained. For Bella to initially be distracted from the fire while in my arms was one thing, perhaps even to be expected, but once she became aware of her thirst, nothing else should have been able to gain her attention.

Since I did not answer, Carlisle prompted, "Yes?"

"I want to see her. Renesmee."

Oh. Of course. There would be one thing - the thing she had given her life for - which could hold her attention against the pull of blood.

Bella's hands released mine and moved to where our daughter had grown. Her stomach was flat now, taut and firm, without any of Esme's lingering motherly curves. The crease formed between her brows, and Jasper tensed, waiting for her to succumb to panic.

Carlisle was less concerned with her emotions, and more with her instincts.

Bella, of course, missed nothing, and demanded, "What?"

"Bella, that's not really a good idea. She's half human, love," I reminded her. "Her heart beats, and blood runs in her veins. Until your thirst is positively under control... You don't want to put her in danger, do you?"

She held a pose of concentration in perfect stillness. I could almost _see_ her thinking.

"Where is she?" Her head tilted to one side - listening. I guessed she had identified the sound we were all aware of to some degree when she abruptly began swallowing and nodded, apparently accepting the truth. She was a vampire, and therefore, dangerous. "Is Rosalie with her?"

"Yes."

When she remained where she was, I reached again for her hands and tried to pull her with me toward the wall of windows. I was as successful as a human attempting to shift a mountain. She didn't seem to notice my attempt to move her and remained rooted to the spot.

"Wait. What about Jacob? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I missed. How long was I unconscious?"

Carlisle caught my eye, not only astonished that she was so focused, but concerned with how long she could remain this way, especially upon learning the answers to her questions.

 _You've frightened her,_ Jasper cautioned. His eyes had yet to leave her face, searching - waiting - for a sign that she was about to lose her uncanny calm.

"What's wrong?"

Carlisle did not need Jasper's emotional insight; he could hear the fear in Bella's whispered words. "Nothing is _wrong._ Nothing has changed much, actually - you were only unaware for just over two days. It was very fast, as these things go. Edward did an excellent job. Quite innovative - the venom injection straight to your heart was his idea."

My father beamed at me in deliberate contradiction of how I perceived my role in her change. To me, the numerous bite marks Bella sported were evidence of my monstrosity and weakness, but to him, they were a show of strength and restraint. Certainly I had bitten her many times, but I had done so to save her, not to feast on her delicious essence. I had done only what was necessary to save the woman I loved, as she had requested. How could he fault me?

 _So stubborn,_ he thought with a sigh when I did not return his smile.

"Jacob is still here," he continued, "and Charlie still believes that you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the CDC. We gave him a bad number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme."

"I should call him..." she said, but trailed off uncertainly. After all, what could she really tell him? That she was all better and we were going straight to Dartmouth? He would insist on seeing Bella and would likely be on the next flight to Atlanta before we could come up with a plausible reason for him not to. The rest of what he had said seemed to sink in when she abruptly exclaimed, "Hold on - Jacob is _still here?"_

 _Oh, here we go... go ahead, bloodsucker, rat me out before I can have a chance to explain..._

"Bella," I said to forestall anyone else from telling Bella about the imprint. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have to be in pain..."

As proof that she did indeed feel the fire in her throat, she swallowed several times, grimacing slightly as she did. But, stubborn as ever, she insisted, "But Jacob - "

"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love."

To my surprise, she agreed, "Okay."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Alice flitted across the room to stand between me and the waiting windows. "You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?"

"Alice - "

"It will only take a second!" _...and besides, it already happened, so now it has to!_

I sighed at Alice's convoluted logic.

"What is she talking about?" Bella whispered from the side of her mouth.

Alice returned before I could answer, carrying the biggest mirror in the house - one of Rosalie's, naturally. Far more protective of her than anyone else in the family, Jasper shadowed Alice's footsteps, but it was Bella he watched.

"Edward gave me grief for not getting you to a mirror before the wedding. I'm not going to be chewed out again."

"Chewed out?" I had merely pointed out that Bella didn't see herself the way I did, and with as much of a fuss as Alice had made over turning Bella into the vision of perfection she had been on our wedding day, one would have _thought_ she would have shown the _bride_ just how lovely she truly was.

"Maybe I'm overstating things," she admitted, but was more interested in matching reality with her vision of our future.

"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification."

She gave me a wink before adjusting the mirror's angle. And then, just as I had seen in Alice's mind hours earlier, there stood my Bella, staring at her red-eyed reflection in the mirror, with the wall clock just over one shoulder, which displayed the exact time Alice had foreseen.

I had wondered at the time why Alice had not shown me Bella's reaction. Only now did I understand that she _had._ Bella was motionless once more, still as only a vampire could be, her face not betraying any of the emotions Jasper could sense.

 _Here it comes..._ He shifted his weight onto the balls of his feet in response to Bella's tumultuous emotions. Surely she was only an instant away from showing the panic he felt in her, yet as the seconds ticked over, Bella simply stood and stared.

When she did move, it was only to say, "The eyes? How long?"

I said, "They'll darken up in a few months. Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold."

"Months?" she repeated.

I wondered if she had expected it to be closer to the biweekly shifting from gold to black which she had observed in my eyes, and eventually hers would do exactly that, but fledgling vampires were considered newborns for a whole year for a reason. I had thought she understood that. Well, perhaps she had, while human, and those memories were lost to her now.

Focused on Bella's rising anxiety, Jasper took a step closer to her, his arm cocked and hand opened wide, ready to subdue her the moment she lost control. Alice was searching for any signs in the future that the here and now was about to become dangerous. I watched them both, but Alice's random samples of the next few hours only showed our family, relaxed and happy. Jasper felt Bella gain control of her wild emotions and shook his head, incredulous.

"I don't know."

"What question did I miss?"

She may have missed the question, but my beloved missed little else. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Controlling your emotions, Bella," he answered. "I've never seen a newborn do that - stop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."

"Is that wrong?"

"No," Jasper answered uncertainly.

Silly Bella. When she found out I couldn't read her mind, she assumed it was because of something wrong with her. Now, she displayed something similarly unique and feared the same thing!

"It's very impressive, Bella," I assured her, "but we don't understand it. We don't know how long it can hold."

Bella cocked her head slightly and looked for all the world like she were puzzling out a difficult math problem. The crease between her eyes deepened, just slightly. Strangely, Jasper looked just as confused as she did.

"But what do you think?" Alice demanded, pointing at the reflection Bella had been watching without cease.

"I'm not sure."

She watched herself, and I watched her, straining with everything in me to penetrate the wall surrounding that silent mind of hers, but to no avail. A moment after Jasper reluctantly relaxed, Bella moved at last, raising one smooth, luminous hand to touch her cheek, just under those red eyes.

What could it have been like, to know that she would change, to know she would look the same, but different, and then to actually _see_ it? She was still Bella, with her heart-shaped face, pointed chin, uneven lips, and wide, bewildered eyes. They may have been red now, but they were hers in shape and expressiveness.

What could she have expected?

What I wouldn't have given to know!

She turned to me when I sighed my eternal frustration.

"Disappointed?" she teased.

"Yes," I said truthfully, something she certainly hadn't expected to hear me say. Her face fell, and her eyes filled with bewildered hurt. Alice and Jasper both reacted, needlessly. I pressed myself against her immovable form, slid my hands around her waist, and leaned close to her ear to whisper, "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to my own. And here I am, frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going on inside your head."

She melted against me at once. "Oh well, I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty."

"Bella," I said fiercely, "you have _never_ been merely pretty."

Her shoulders shook lightly with her quiet giggles, but her calm delight was making Jasper increasingly anxious.

"All right, all right," I muttered, not too unhappy to do what they wished. _I_ was thirsty, too.

"What?"

"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've hunted."

To my relief, Bella agreed, "Okay. Let's hunt."


	54. Hunt

**54\. Hunt**

I found the idea of using the window on Bella's first vampire venture to be quite amusing, considering the number of times I had stolen through hers.

Bella, however, looked doubtfully at the ground three floors below and asked, "The window?"

"It's the most convenient exit," I explained. Did she think a little gravity could still hurt her? Perhaps she didn't remember me telling her of jumping from airplanes. Delighted for an excuse to hold her close again, I teased, "If you're frightened, I can carry you."

Her eyes never left the waiting rocks below. "We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?"

Perhaps she also didn't realize how dangerous she still was. "Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs..."

"Oh." Her face cleared of all confusion instantly, yet she didn't seem ready to take her first leap. "Is Renesmee... okay... with Jacob there? He doesn't like her much."

"Trust me, she is perfectly safe. I know exactly what Jacob is thinking." The last was said for his benefit.

"Of course," she agreed without moving.

"Stalling?"

"A little," she admitted. "I don't know how..."

Silly Bella, always frightened of things which could not hurt her, while oblivious to the real dangers. Then again, she had seemed to accept that _she_ was the danger here, and was surely more disoriented than she appeared. Perhaps a demonstration would show her what she could withstand.

"Watch me," I said, and stepped off the ledge.

Upon landing, I turned around in time to see Bella step into the open air. The deep blue, satin dress Alice had chosen to clothe her in rippled from the wind. Bella's pearlescent skin glowed with the moonlight, while her hair caught the breeze and flowed out and around her head. She could have been some sort of water goddess, descending from the clouds to place her dainty feet upon the earth for the first time.

Beaming with pleasure, Bella said, "Right. Easy."

Awed, I said, "Bella?"

"Yes?"

That word never ceased to thrill me! My smile broadened, and I said, "That was quite graceful - even for a vampire."

Her head tilted a fraction to one side while the crease formed between her eyebrows. If she had to give my simple compliment that much thought, I needed to give her more of them! Before I could act on that impulse, she grinned back and said, _"Thank_ you."

Without taking her eyes from mine, she reached down to slip the high heeled shoes from her feet to toss them over her shoulder and through the third floor window she had just exited, earning a sour, "Her fashion sense hasn't improved as much as her balance," from Alice.

Bella wanted to run barefoot with me through the night? I had no problem with that idea! I reached for her hand and, without warning, took off toward the river. She kept pace with me easily.

"Are we swimming?" she asked when I paused by the water's edge.

"And ruin your pretty dress? No. We're jumping."

Bella seemed skeptical as she contemplated the width of the river. "You first."

I thought she didn't seem frightened, more... uncertain. No doubt she was aware of our audience, and Bella had never enjoyed being the center of attention. Emmett, especially, was waiting for her natural clumsiness to assert itself. I doubted she wanted to give him more ammunition for his eternal jokes.

Unless he intervened, I thought he would not see her trip ever again.

Too bad - I had always enjoyed catching her. Ah, well.

I brushed her cheek with my fingers again, the new texture sending another thrill through me. Backing up a bit to give myself some room from the river's edge, I launched myself across. Nearly giddy with excitement, I turned my jump into a somersault as I neared the trees on the other side and landed neatly amongst them.

"Show off," Bella said, her musical voice floating clearly across the water.

I snickered, then listened for the slap of her bare feet against the earth as she ran, or the sound of her passage through the air, but heard, instead, something ripping. Curious, I focused on my family's thoughts, and watched as she split the sides of her dress all the way up her thigh.

Her audience found her treatment of Alice's carefully selected designer clothing quite humorous, but she didn't seem to be paying them any attention, nor did she follow me.

"Bella? Do you want to watch again?" I called, more than eager to be reunited with her - and her dress.

Rather than answer me, she sprang across the river. She used more force than was necessary and surpassed my jump by a considerable margin. I looked up in time to see her arcing across the sky above me. Her skin and dress flashed silvery and blue against the velvety black night.

Sprinting through the thick trees in the direction she had flown, I was treated to the incredible sound of Bella's giggles. They rang and echoed, crystalline and clear, and full of girlish delight. Still perched on the limb of a tree when I caught up to her - an exotic bird - Bella had a grin on her face, and her red eyes were bright with excitement. If the tree had swayed at all from her momentum, it wasn't doing so anymore. Emmett would have bowled the tree and its neighbors over, had he made that jump.

With far more confidence than she had displayed when leaping from the window, she hopped to the ground beside me and asked, "Was that good?"

"Very good."

"Can we do it again?"

While it was true that vampires were easily distracted, the typical newborn usually found their thirst to be of far more import than engaging in acrobatics. But then, Bella was anything but typical. "Focus, Bella - we're on a hunting trip."

"Oh, right. Hunting."

"Follow me... if you can," I teased, and took off.

It felt good to be out of the house and able to release some of the lingering tension! I had always loved to run, and the feeling of freedom, speed, and strength was no less thrilling now than normal. But even my wildest daydreams did not live up to the experience of watching Bella bounding through the forest by my side. She was taking longer strides than I, but I was moving fast enough that we moved through the forest together. I wasn't even watching where I was going; her expression of wonder held my attention completely.

As though we were on a casual stroll, her eyes roamed over the trees and bushes and not on where she was placing her feet. Unlike previous such strolls we had taken, Bella's feet were sure and fleet - a clumsy lamb no longer, but a graceful gazelle, one far more deadly than the lion who chased her.

Then, just as Alice had foreseen, Bella began laughing as she ran. Her giggle was quietly effortless, neither affected by her run nor leaving her gasping breathlessly. Her bounds became leaps as she grew more confident in her body and accustomed to the relatively slow pace. Soon, she was pulling ahead, and I let her, thrilled to be able to watch Bella navigating the forest at speed with such ease. I could have happily chased her like this for days, but we were bound to run into a human eventually; far better to wait for fun and games when there would be less likelihood of our play ending in murder.

She was no longer bothering to weave and duck around the hanging branches and vines, paying the limbs that whipped against her impenetrable skin less notice than the air she needlessly breathed. Neither did she seem to notice the animals we were nearing.

"Bella?"

She broke off her headlong sprint and returned to me with a light skip. Her lips parted just slightly, but she did not speak. She wore an expression of pleased surprise, returning my appreciative gaze as though she found me as enthralling as I found her. Impossible, of course, but vampires often found their attention held by the simplest of things.

"Did you want to stay in the country?" I asked with a chuckle. "Or were you planning to continue on to Canada this afternoon?"

"This is fine, " she agreed easily. "What are we hunting?"

"Elk. I thought something easy for your first time..."

She did not seem to appreciate my suggestion of easy prey, but there would be plenty of time later for her to prove her hunting prowess. Frankly, I could do without spending the next decade listening to Emmett grumbling about tackling her first irritable grizzly bear without him. However, she did not challenge my choice, other than a minute narrowing of her eyes.

Abruptly, she began looking around as though the creatures in question were peeking out from behind the trees. "Where?"

"Hold still for a moment," I said, reaching out to place my hands upon her shoulders.

Bella immediately became a motionless statue incongruously planted in the middle of the forest, as though one of the Greek goddesses had decided our Mount Olympus would do just fine and had taken up residency here centuries ago. I'd always had my telepathy to lean on, but her faith in me was just one of her many strengths. I was tempted to slide my hands around her waist, to pull her close so I could tuck her head under my chin, but preferred not to chance accidentally losing an arm should her instinct cause her to take off the moment she detected the heartbeats I heard so clearly.

No matter how controlled Bella was, some caution was warranted.

She came to life again, scanning the trees behind me for movement, hunting with her eyes, which, no matter how sharp, were not her most useful sensory organ.

"Now close you eyes."

She did so without hesitation, trusting in me absolutely, as she always had. I cupped her face, my thumbs traced her cheeks where they used to burn from her blush, but the skin was only just warm; there was no blood left to swirl under her translucent skin.

The pace of her breaths increased with my caress, making me grin with pleasure; I could still cause her to react in other ways!

"Listen," I whispered into her ear. "What do you hear?"

"By the creek, to the northeast?"

"Yes. Now," I shifted to her other ear, "wait for the breeze again and... what do you smell?"

I knew she had scented them when her nose wrinkled with distaste.

"I know," I acknowledged, "it takes some getting used to." And yet, it was but another reason to start with something easy. Her first carnivore would be all the more satisfying after the unappealing elk.

"Three?"

"Five. There are two more in the trees behind them."

The familiar line of confusion wrinkled her otherwise smooth brow. "What do I do now?"

"What do you feel like doing?"

Hunting was instinctive; her body would tell her what to do, if she gave it the chance. I didn't have to wait long, but there was a touch of panic in her eyes when they opened.

"Don't think about it. Just follow your instincts."

So that she could move unimpeded, I stepped back and dropped my hands. Her eyes stayed open, but were slightly unfocused as she let her other senses lead the way.

Scrutinizing the tiny musculature of her face had never been more fascinating. Her nostrils flared, her head swiveled from side to side, and she placed her feet silently, though she had made noise enough when running earlier. With her weight balanced on her toes, she flitted from tree to tree until she reached the end of their protective cover.

Bella paused, sinking easily into a crouch that her human body would not have sustained for long.

Several yards behind her, I couldn't see the creatures she was stalking, but the clarity with which I heard the mud squish from between their toes told me they were close. The intensity Bella was displaying as she stared across the water told me she could see them. She sank closer to the ground, a spring, tightly wound and ready to fly.

Suddenly, Bella sprang into motion, but away from the elk.

I gasped in shock and confusion, and only then did I taste the human blood which floated on the wind from the direction in which Bella was now running.

Cursing myself, I took off after her. Her joyful bounding from earlier was nothing compared to the speed of her focused sprint now, but I was still the faster!

But what was I to do when I caught her? Tackle my Bella? Pin her to the ground while she snarled and snapped until some form of reason could be reestablished? And then, drag her back and throw her onto the nearest elk? Could I stand to do that? To _her?_

But the consequences if I did not were too severe to allow.

Bella could not be allowed to kill a human, and especially not on her very first hunt.

I was catching up to her and could see her through the trees, a blur of white and blue with her wind-swept mane streaming out behind her. Bella was _glorious._ Her limbs were moving smoothly, in perfect synchrony. She was soundless, completely focused, and drawing ever closer to the unsuspecting humans.

Stupid, clumsy human! How difficult was it to handle a knife without practically losing a finger? No wonder she was so captivated by the scent, aside from being a newborn. They hadn't even applied a bandage yet, waving the bleeding digit around while yelling at the others for their slow reactions, as if that would make anything better.

I put on a burst of speed. It wasn't enough just to stop her; I had to stop her before the humans could see or hear us.

Bella was no longer silent. A growl grew in her throat, which surely felt as though she had swallowed a chunk of molten metal by this time. Her pace slowed only slightly before she whirled on me and snarled in a clearly defensive warning. Bella's hands were splayed wide, the fingers crooked and ready to grab or scratch as needed. It was good that she had already split the sides of her dress. It would not have survived her wide, defensive stance, much less her sprint.

The part of me not distracted with longing for the girl I loved was carefully analyzing the minute changes to her posture and expression as I waited for her to either attack me, or resume her hunt, or regain her sense of self enough to allow me to drag her away.

There was nothing of Bella in the newborn vampire before me, until a look of surprise crossed her face. Shockingly, she straightened and halted her breathing. The look she wore was so comically _my_ Bella that I lowered my guard and let myself be drawn toward her.

"I have to get away from here," she said through her teeth. Not a request for help, a statement of intent.

 _"Can_ you leave?"

Rather than bother to answer, she shot past me, back in the direction from which we had come.

 _Away_ from the still-bleeding human.

Completely stunned and unable to move, I stared after her with my mouth hanging open. Jasper had not been a newborn when a similar incident had ended in the death of a rare human friend. He had nearly killed Bella herself due to a mere paper _cut._ But Bella, who was without a doubt a newborn vampire, had broken off her hunt and was hurtling through the forest away from the scent of human blood.

Warm, wet, carrying a hint of hops and oak and smoke, and _so close..._ The humans were only just over the next rise...

Realizing how much distance she was placing between us each second that I stood there stupidly gaping after her and gasping in lungsful of blood-flavored air, I threw myself after my beloved - my incredible - vampire wife.

She was surely running at or near her top speed now, but I caught up with her quickly enough. Her lips were pressed firmly together, and the crease of concentration was between her eyes; she didn't spare me a glance when I drew close, though she must have known I was there. Which surely meant _she_ was there, and not acting on instinct, or she would have turned on me again.

I opened my mouth to tell her it was safe to stop, but she was no longer in front of me. Alarmed, I spun around to find her frozen in her tracks. She didn't appear to be breathing - a motionless statue with eyes only for me. She showed no defensiveness when I reached out to place my hands on her shoulders.

Unlike when she had stared at me immediately after waking, there was no confusion on her face. As usual, Bella was sure of herself, while I was left scrambling.

"How did you do that?"

"You let me beat you before, didn't you?"

How could she be concerned with our first joyful run after what I had just seen her do? "Bella, how did you do it?"

Her forehead crinkled with confusion. "Run away? I held my breath."

As if it had been that simple - a matter of not breathing. "But how did you stop hunting?"

"When you came up behind me... I'm so sorry about that."

At first I thought I had understood - the instinct to defend was as powerful a force as the drive to hunt, if not more. Except, "Why are you apologizing to _me?_ I'm the one who was horribly careless. I assumed no one would be so far from the trails, but I should have checked first. Such a stupid mistake! _You_ have nothing to apologize for."

Bella's bright red eyes filled with worry, and the corners of her lips pulled down. "But I growled at you!"

"Of course you did. That's only natural," I said reassuringly. Surely she had heard me growling often enough not to be surprised at hearing such a sound coming from herself. "But I can't understand how you ran away."

"What else could I do? It might have been someone I know!"

She said it as though it were obvious. As though there had been no other option. As though the pull of blood held no power over her, whatsoever.

Well, as a human, the scent had repulsed her - at least, it had until she had become pregnant with my child. She hadn't been a normal human. Why had I ever entertained the idea that she would be a normal vampire?

Thoroughly nonplussed, I felt myself shaking with laughter and let it out in delighted relief. I was the world's biggest fool! And the luckiest, by far.

 _"Why are you laughing at me?"_

 _Careful,_ I reminded myself. _She is still a newborn vampire._ Her tiger kitten fury had always amused me, but she was a mother cat now, with claws and teeth.

"I'm not laughing at you, Bella," I said soothingly. "I'm laughing because I am in shock. And I'm in shock because I am amazed."

"Why?"

She never did see herself clearly. Hadn't we told her often enough of the volatility of newborns?

"You shouldn't be able to do any of this. You shouldn't be so... so rational. You shouldn't be able to stand here discussing this with me calmly and coolly. And, much more than any of that, you should _not_ have been able to break off mid-hunt with the scent of human blood in the air. Even mature vampires have difficulty with that - we're always very careful of where we hunt so as not to put ourselves in the path of temptation. Bella, you're behaving like you're decades rather than days old."

"Oh," she said simply. Bella rapidly blinked her bright red eyes, as though she were as confused by me as I was by her.

I cradled her face in my hands, her once scalding-hot skin feeling so comfortable against mine. "What I wouldn't give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment."

Humanly slow in her movements, she gently touched my cheeks and nose and traced my lips. "I thought I wouldn't feel this way for a long time? But I still _want_ you."

It was all I could do not to tear our clothes off with that statement, but she had yet to feed, and that needed to come first. Even if - incomprehensibly - it didn't seem all that important to her.

"How can you even concentrate on that? Aren't you unbearably thirsty?" I had been a vampire for most of a century, and was well acquainted with thirst, but my own was dominating my senses more, the longer we stood around talking about hers.

A flicker of annoyance crossed her face, but she sighed, closed her eyes, and listened.

I pulled away and halted my breaths so as not to interfere with any scent that might drift our direction. So focused on the prey she had detected that she didn't seem to see me when her eyes opened again, Bella turned and flitted up the mountainside.

Taking a deep breath, I scented the creature lucky enough to be her first kill.

A mountain lion.

Making less noise than the wind and leaving behind no visible trail, Bella climbed over, under, and through the vegetation in search of the lion. Bella was once again all hunting vampire, acting on instinct in a way that was thrilling to watch. She flitted between the trees, bounded over boulders, and weaved sinuously through the bushes.

I paid the vegetation little attention as we moved through it. I was her shadow, ghosting in her wake, leaving as little a trail as she, completely entranced by the glorious creature I pursued.

As the scent grew stronger, I could hear the beast's low heartbeat over the creaking of the branch on which it padded. When she scurried higher into the trees, I thought she must have caught sight of her quarry and circled below and behind, paying careful attention to the direction of the wind so I could watch without disturbing either of them.

He was a big cat, intent upon prey of his own, and oblivious to the stalking vampires until he felt the tree shake when Bella landed behind him. She had dropped from several stories above to land precisely on the balls of her feet. The thick branch shivered from her impact, unlike when flitting through the trees earlier; she had meant to get his attention.

My worst nightmare was playing out in front of me. Bella - _human_ Bella - had been known to wander about and encounter dangerous monsters all too often. More than once, I'd worried a bear would wander into town; it had been known to happen. Of _course_ it would have found Bella. Dangerous werewolves prowled these mountains. As did vampires. Human Bella had come across both.

Now, here she was, facing down a mountain lion at least five times larger than my tiny, delicate-seeming wife. In an attempt at controlling my nerves, I affected nonchalance and leaned against the trunk of a nearby tree while she leapt through the air and tackled the beast from the branch to the ground, where the big cat landed atop her.

I knew the ripping sounds weren't made by the lion's claws sinking into Bella's tender flesh. I knew the sounds of teeth cutting through skin were not being made by the lion's mouthful of huge, razor-sharp teeth. I knew his strong paws and hooked claws were as dangerous to her as a playful kitten's - less, for a kitten's needle-like claws could penetrate and scratch human flesh. No mere cat of any size could damage her skin now.

I _knew_ Bella was safe.

I still didn't like it.

Inevitably, the cat's fight was lost, and his life ended. Bella shoved him off her with a look of distaste. She righted herself, standing instantly erect, as though she had not just been laying prone upon the ground. With a wrinkle of her nose, she wiped her face off and began tugging at her ruined dress. Bella, of course, was absolutely fine.

"Hmm."

Bella glanced down at herself and said, "I guess I could have done that better."

"You did perfectly fine," I countered.

What had she been anticipating? For the lion to lay casually in her arms while she fed from it? Well, had I been in his position, I might have done just that, but the lion had fought back as expected.

She didn't seem to accept my easy reassurance, so I said, "It's just that... it was much more difficult for me to watch than it should have been."

Bella gave me a familiar bewildered look.

Reluctantly, I admitted, "It goes against the grain, letting you wrestle with lions. I was having an anxiety attack the whole time."

"Silly," Bella teased.

"I know. Hold habits die hard." I looked her deliberately up and down and leered, "I like the improvements to your dress, though."

Without acknowledging my comment, she asked, "Why am I still thirsty?"

"Because you're young."

"And I don't suppose there are any other mountain lions nearby."

I had a feeling I would be dining on far fewer lions from now on, but found I didn't mind in the slightest. "Plenty of deer, though."

"They don't smell as good," she said with a little wrinkle to her nose that made me want to laugh.

"Herbivores. The meat-eaters smell more like humans."

"Not that much like humans." Bella's voice dropped to a whisper, and her eyes widened.

"We could go back," I offered. "Whoever it was out there, if they were men, they probably wouldn't even mind death if you were the one delivering it. In fact, they would think they were already dead and gone to heaven the moment they saw you."

Dismissing my compliment with a snort and an eye roll that - despite their lurid color - was so adorably _my_ Bella, she said, "Let's go hunt some stinking herbivores."

We darted through the trees, heading toward home while continuing to put distance between us and the humans, and swiftly came across the trail of some mule deer. The herd was plentiful enough for two thirsty vampires, and the creatures themselves were impressive specimens.

One of the largest males caught her eye, and she took it down like she had the lion. With the exuberance she had always shown to me, she launched herself at the doomed deer and tackled it to the ground. Bella and Emmett were sure to enjoy hunting together if this was to be her hunting style. It pleased me that my big bear of a brother would have someone new to share his preference for wrestling with his food. However, I would have to discuss Bella's wardrobe with Alice and make sure she had some hunting clothes that would better allow her to remain discreetly covered.

Satisfied that she was safely occupied and tending to her thirst, it was time for me to see to mine. And I was so thirsty! Abruptly unable to think of anything else, I grabbed for the nearest deer without even looking. It was a young one, and now would never reach its full growth, but its blood was hot and wet and a welcome relief. And gone, all too soon.

I went after a larger one next. Rather than tackle mine, I ran alongside him. He spotted me and danced to the side, flicking his feet and tossing his antlers in instinctive warning. I appeared directly before him as he attempted to prance away from the unfamiliar threat so that he leapt right into my arms.

Bella was finished with hers by the time my second one was dry. We grinned at each other as we chased after the terrified herd. Their white tails flashing alarm now that three of their number were down, they called to each other as they darted about, and I put myself in the path of another good-sized male.

Only when I finished with him did I realize Bella had not caught another deer and was, instead, watching me with an odd expression. Her eyes were narrowed, and her lips pulled to one side in a little half-smile that was somehow threatening and alluring. She seemed to know a secret, one which she found amusing.

"No longer thirsty?"

"You distracted me," she said with a casual shrug. As if it were normal for anything other than a threat to distract a newborn vampire during a hunt. "You're much better at it than I am."

Did she truly have no clue how incredible she was? Did she not know how long it had taken me to gain the control she had displayed immediately upon awakening?

"Centuries of practice," I teased gently.

"Just one." Her new voice was firm, but her eyes were full of love.

Ignoring her inexplicable idolization of me, I asked, "Are you done for today? Or did you want to continue?"

She brushed a hand across her throat and frowned. "Done, I think." She cocked her head and seemed to reconsider, but instead of suggesting just one more, she said, "I want to see Renesmee."

Without hesitating, I held my hand out to her. Never again would I doubt my Bella. If she believed she was ready, I was certain she would be fine. Bella took my hand as soon as I reached out to her, and then simply stood and returned my appreciative gaze.

There was no discernable shift in the color of her eyes just yet, but the flush of blood was momentarily back in her cheeks. It would fade, but at least she hadn't lost her blush forever.

I was more than willing to return home, but she seemed to have lost all interest in anything except me. Slower than a human, incredibly smooth and steady, her free hand reached up to leave tingling trails down my cheek and along my jaw. She was so warm! And yet, there was no burn. She was only radiant.

Bella took her hand from mine to carefully wrap her arms around my neck.

There was no longer a need for me to be careful. Human Bella would not have withstood the strength with which I grabbed her and pulled her against me. _Now_ _,_ though. Now, her body, so familiar in shape but solid and real, reflected the inner strength I loved. I flexed my arms and hugged her as tight as I could while I tasted the sweetness of her mouth again and again.

Kissing Bella now was like nothing I'd experienced before. There was a trace of the tang of blood on her tongue and in her breath, but mostly she was gently sweet. Her human bouquet had been similar - light and flowery - but the shift in her vampire essence was far more satisfying.

She pushed herself against me hard, then harder. Suddenly, I lost my balance as she thrust herself into my embrace, and we fell.

"Oops," she said, making me snicker. She raised herself onto one elbow to give me a worried look. "I didn't mean to tackle you like that. Are you okay?"

"Slightly better than _okay,"_ I reassured her, but then asked, "Renesmee?"

If she truly wanted to dally in the woods, I wasn't about to tell her no, but she had expressed a desire to see our daughter. I enjoyed being her distraction, but thought that, once other things were settled, she would be less likely to be distracted from _me._

Ah, I was such a selfish creature.

She seemed reluctant, but agreed, "Renesmee."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Hey, y'all!

So at this point, we've essentially caught up again. I'm in the middle of writing their meeting. Erg, so close to finding out about the imprint! As I get the next chapters finished, I'll go ahead and post.

Until then,

~L


	55. Meeting of the Minds

**Update 2-27-19**

WE SOLD OUR HOUSE!  
*happy dance* *bakes confetti* *throws cupcakes*

Seriously, after 15 years and raising my kids there, moving out has been quite the project. I am very relieved to say that we are officially out now, even if we need to finish getting ourselves moved in. There are still boxes everywhere, but we're finding homes for everything - sometimes that means someone else's home, hah! We're all very happy with the new place, and my kids are loving having their own rooms and nearby woods in which to roam.

As far as this story is concerned...  
I do much of my writing in my head, long before I touch the keyboard. Getting my family relocated didn't take up my time so much as my concentration. I haven't been able to think about anything aside from movingsellingmoneydebtfamilyfurnitureworkschooltransportationaccommodationsetcetcetcetc. Now that life is returning to a more normal pace, I've been able to pick Edward's story back up. I plan on gaining some ground before I resume posting because that gives me space between writing and editing, which truly is something I need.

Thanks for your continued patience!

~L

* * *

 **55\. Meeting of the Minds**

To my amusement, she yanked me upright. One moment, I was on the ground, with Bella laying against my chest, the next, we were standing. When she took my hand this time, we resumed our run toward home.

Casually, as though we were strolling down a boardwalk rather than sprinting headlong through the forest, she said, "Tell me about her."

"She's like nothing else in the world."

"How much is she like you?" Bella pressed. "How much like me? Or like I was, anyway."

"It seems a fairly even divide."

"She was warm-blooded."

"Yes." It surprised me that she knew that detail. Exactly how much did Bella remember? I decided that conversation would have to wait for another day, and said, "She has a heartbeat, though it runs a little bit faster than a human's. Her temperature is a little bit hotter than usual, too. She sleeps."

"Really?"

Amused at the surprise in her voice, I said, "Quite well for a newborn. The only parents in the world who don't need sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night."

Bella's grin was nearly blinding in its brilliance.

"She has exactly your color eyes - so that didn't get lost, after all. They're so beautiful."

Skipping over my compliment, she said, "And the vampire parts?"

"Her skin seems about as impenetrable as ours. Not that anyone would dream of testing that," I hurried to assure her. "Of course no one would. Her diet... well, she prefers to drink blood. Carlisle continues to try to persuade her to drink some baby formula, too, but she doesn't have much patience with it. Can't say that I blame her - nasty-smelling stuff, even for human food."

"Persuade her?"

"She's intelligent, shockingly so, and progressing at an immense pace. Though she doesn't speak - yet - she communicates quite effectively."

"Doesn't. Speak. _Yet."_

Bella's eyes had already been wide with amazement, and she had yet to take them off me despite rocketing through the forest, but now she gaped at me in disbelief. She slowed when I did. As eager as we both were to return home, our daughter was too important for Bella to risk rushing in unprepared.

"What do you mean, she communicates effectively?"

How did one describe the indescribable? All the explaining in the world could never do justice to our daughter or her gift.

"I think it will be easier for you to... see for yourself. It's rather difficult to describe."

After considering my words, she said, "Why is Jacob still here? How can he stand it? Why should he? Why should he have to suffer more?"

"Jacob isn't suffering," I growled. "Though I might be willing to change his condition."

"Edward!" Bella stopped in her tracks. The force she exerted against my arm when she halted my forward momentum nearly pulled my shoulder out of its joint, but it didn't surprise me in the slightest that she would defend her friend. "How can you say that? Jacob has given up _everything_ to protect us! What I've put him through - "

She shook her head, and I thought if she had still been human, she would have had tears in her eyes.

"You'll see exactly how I can say that. I promised him that I would let him explain, but I doubt you'll see it differently than I do. Of course, I'm often wrong about your thoughts, aren't I?" No matter what her opinion of his imprint, she would see the difference in his attitude toward Bella herself. I wondered if it would hurt her that his focus was elsewhere, or if she would be relieved. I doubted she would tell me either way.

"Explain what?"

"I promised. Though I don't know if I really owe him anything at all anymore..."

"Edward, I don't understand."

Bella's new voice conveyed her frustration. Her red eyes showed her worry, and the downward turn of her lips made me ache for her smile to return. Blast Jacob for interfering with her happiness, even now!

My free hand brushed against her rounded, petal-soft cheek. The worried furrows across her brow disappeared instantly, making me smile. I loved the affect I had on her! Jacob had never received such a response to his attempts.

"It's harder than you make it look, I know," I said. "I remember."

"I don't like being confused."

"I know. And so let's get you home, so that you can see it all for yourself."

Home. Where everyone was waiting.

Comfortable in her new body as Bella seemed to be, I rather thought she wouldn't want my brothers to carry around the memory of her returning from her first hunt nearly naked. And even if he never said a word to her, Emmett was sure to rib _me_ mercilessly.

"Hmm." I considered how best to advise her of the fact that her breasts were poking through the rips or just how far down the front of her dress was torn.

Well, I had given her my jacket for warmth; I had no problem with giving her my shirt for modesty.

"That bad?" she asked when I held it out to her.

I simply grinned.

When she had covered herself, she brightly said, "I'll race you. No throwing the game this time!"

"On your mark..." I said as I took my stance, then took off without further warning. Bella's giggles chased me as I sprinted home. I didn't leave her behind, but neither did I let her pass me, thrilling to the feeling of running for the sheer joy of it.

The sound of Bella's footsteps abruptly cut off as we neared the river. A flash of silver and blue above my head caught my attention, and I looked up in time to see Bella arcing over me. I put on a burst of speed and made my own jump, but she landed first with a triumphant, "Ha!"

As I neared the ground, I saw her posture subtly shift at the same time as I heard Jacob's worried thoughts. He was intending to confront Bella here and now, without any kind of a warning. Was he truly that dumb?

Adjusting the angle of my descent, I landed right behind her and grabbed her arms tight.

"Don't breathe," I said in her ear just as she began to inhale.

Bella froze, understanding instantly what she was hearing.

Jacob, Seth, and Leah stood between us and our house. Jacob was in his human form, defiantly in plain sight, while his pack mates paced through the trees. They were all on edge, as was I.

Bella had fed. She had run away from humans, _bleeding_ humans. But she had awakened only hours ago. I doubted Jacob fully understood how quickly instinct could overcome reason. Her need to defend against attack was the only thing that had saved the humans, but what if she felt a need to defend herself from the aggressive werewolves?

"Carefully, Jacob," I warned. "Maybe this isn't the best way-"

"You think it would be better to let her near the baby first?" Jacob interrupted. "It's safer to see how Bella does with me. I heal fast."

"It's your neck, I guess," I said with a shrug. Bella was eyeing me disapprovingly, but he was right; I would far rather Bella harm him than our child, accident or no.

My hands were wrapped tightly around her arms, though if she truly wanted to get to him, she would be capable of throwing me off. I might be able to restrain her long enough that he could shift to protect himself, but turning wolf wouldn't guarantee his safety; it would just make him more dangerous, which might be the worst thing he could do.

I tensed when Bella turned to look at him. They only eyed each other warily for a moment before he grinned cockily. When Bella simply stood and stared, his grin broadened, and he affected a shudder.

"I gotta say it, Bella. You're a freak show."

"Watch yourself, mongrel," I grumbled. It didn't matter that Bella was grinning back at him; I didn't think it at all appropriate for him to deliberately antagonize her.

Bella took advantage of a shift in the wind and inhaled quickly. "No, he's right. The eyes are really something, aren't they?"

"Super-creepy," he agreed. "But it's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Gee - thanks for the amazing compliment!"

Somehow, their easy banter still rankled, but they needed to sort things out themselves. And Jacob had some explaining to do.

"You know what I mean," he said. "You still look like you - sort of. Maybe it's not the look so much as... you _are_ Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here. Anyway, I guess I'll get used to the eyes soon enough."

"You will?"

Bella would have to find out - and soon - and he wanted to be the one to tell her. Except that, he didn't really _want_ to tell her. The nervous expression on his face was far more pleasing to me than his impertinent overfamiliarity.

 _...so... Bells... I know how much you enjoy surprises, well, you're gonna love his one... yeah, Jake, that'll go over swell._

Stalling, he said to me, "Thanks. I didn't know if you'd be able to keep it from her, promise or not. Usually, you just give her everything she wants."

"Maybe I'm hoping she'll get irritated and rip your head off," I said cheerfully.

"What's going on? Are you two keeping secrets from me?" Bella said. Her tiger-kitten fury was no longer harmless, but the sound of irritation in her voice still made me grin.

My smirk broadened when he mumbled, "I'll explain later." Then, with false bravado, he grinned and started walking toward us. "First, let's get this show on the road."

Leah didn't share his confidence and slunk into the clearing with Seth right behind her, whining his worry. I tried to ignore them all as I watched Bella for the slightest of changes that might indicate she was about to do something she would regret.

"Cool it, guys. Stay out of this."

They slowed their pace, but followed him despite Jacob's order. Bella didn't move, even when he got to within a few feet of us, but she also wasn't breathing.

"C'mon, Bells. Do your worst."

Bella rolled her lower lip between her teeth, refusing to inhale.

"I'm getting older here, Bella," he said in a sing-song voice. "Okay, not technically, but you get the idea. Go on, take a whiff."

Bella pressed herself firmly against me and whispered, "Hold on to me."

I would. Of course I would. I gripped her tighter, just in case. Bella might have the strength of a newborn vampire, but she was still dainty. I could heft her over my head and take off running if she lunged for him, and once she was away from his smell, I was sure to be capable of regaining her attention and helping her regain her focus.

The tiny breath she took was only truly noticeable because of the hard swallow she took after flaring her nostrils. And then her nose wrinkled. She took a deeper breath and unfroze, leaning into me more naturally.

"Huh. I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink, Jacob."

Well, now I had a new set of favorite words!

Unable to help myself, I let out a laugh of delight and relief, which was echoed by nearly everyone else. I released my tight grip on Bella's shoulders to slide my hands around her waist, snugging her firmly against me.

It pleased me almost as much to hear Jacob counter with, "Look who's talking," as he pinched his nose and waved a hand in front of his face. I didn't want him drawn to her in any way.

With my face buried in her hair, which _I_ thought smelled of lavender and freesia and... something else which was harder to define but delightful nonetheless, I mumbled, "I love you."

"Okay, so I passed, right?" Bella said. "Now are you going to tell me what this big secret is?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about this second," he hedged, although when, exactly, he thought it would be appropriate for her to worry was anyone's guess.

Coward.

He wasn't going to tell her unless he had to spell it out for her, but my Bella was observant. She saw details that other people missed. Even if she were blind, she would never miss this.

Bella's eyes fixed on our house. "Renesmee," she said and then froze, a marble statue once more.

"Come and see. I know you can handle this." I gave her a quick hug of reassurance, but she still hesitated.

"You'll help me?"

Not even when pregnant and fighting for Renesmee's life had she been confident in her own strength. She had believed in me when I had not, but never did she seem to believe in herself.

Grateful that she _did_ believe in me, I firmly said, "Of course I will."

"And Emmett and Jasper - just in case?"

"We'll take care of you, Bella. Don't worry, we'll be ready. None of us would risk Renesmee. I think you'll be surprised at how entirely she's already wrapped us all around her little fingers. She'll be perfectly safe, no matter what."

Although my words apparently reassured Bella, Jacob stopped her before she had taken more than a single step.

"Are you _sure,_ bloodsucker? I don't like this. Maybe she should wait - "

"You had your test, Jacob," I said, attempting to remain patient, but the mutt was overstepping himself in getting between Bella and her child.

"But -"

"But nothing!" I snapped. "Bella needs to see _our_ daughter. Get out of her way."

 _...guess I can't stop her... Nessie is hers too, but..._

Surrendering to the inevitable, he hastened into the house so he could stand between the two there, instead. Jacob could give Rosalie lessons on pigheadedness!

To my surprise, Bella did not question me further, but neither did she move to follow Jacob on her own.

"Shall we?" I prompted. When she still didn't move, I took her hand and tugged her toward our family.

It didn't surprise any of us that Bella's eyes locked onto Renesmee the moment she came into view. We were all very much aware of the tiny, living being within our midst, and not just because of her pulse and warmth; Jacob and his pack had those, too. It wasn't even what she was, however astounding the very possibility of a vampire-human hybrid was to us all. It was her mind and personality that made her so precious.

She was a child unlike any other, whose purity and sweetness had to be protected and nurtured, not tainted with preconceptions and misunderstandings.

And yet... Bella _was_ a newborn vampire. At least some precaution was prudent.

But did Jacob have to place himself between Bella and our child? Had it not been clear upon speaking with her that Bella was still Bella? He needn't eye her like she were a rabid monster, spitting and hissing and ready to lunge for any and every living thing she came across.

"I was out just two days?"

My family and I had watched Renesmee's astounding growth continue past her birth. How much more shocking it must seem to Bella?

Nessie reached for Bella, then touched Rosalie's throat to push a memory into my sister's mind of Bella smiling at our daughter immediately following her birth. Images of Bella's face from various angles, accompanied by a longing for Bella to wake, flowed through their minds.

"Yes," Rosalie affirmed, "that's her."

The tiny, rose-colored lips parted in one of her startling grins. Our reassurances that Bella would wake had helped her to practice patience, but she had heard Bella's cries of pain and continued to worry unhappily that she had hurt her own mother beyond repair. The unnatural stillness of Bella's corpse-like state had been as apparent to her as it had been to me. Until Bella animated it again, the statue I had hovered over had not been the mother she knew.

But now, here Bella was, perfectly fine, as ever.

Without warning, Bella released her tight grip on my hand and took a step toward Renesmee. A thrill of fear shot around the room, followed by half a dozen anticipatory visions from different perspectives, all showing Bella lunging for the tiny, living being for whom she had given up her own life.

I grabbed for Bella, ready to pick her up and run if needed. At the same time, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme put themselves between Bella and Nessie, while Rosalie and Jacob backed toward the door.

"Oh, give her some credit," Alice said. "She wasn't going to do anything. You'd want a closer look, too."

Since Bella had halted the moment the rest of us acted, I believed Alice was right. Bella may have stopped walking, but she was still breathing, and staring back at Nessie in apparent awe. Both mother and daughter were newborns, yet their eyes held a similar uncanny awareness.

"I'm okay. Keep close, though, just in case." Bella reached up to pat my hand where I gripped her arm. Even in that simple movement, she showed her self-control. What could have been a crushing blow to my fingers, was the reassuringly gentle touch I knew so well.

I had seen the calm she was able to pull over herself when trying to hide her emotions as a human, but had always considered it a mask, hiding her true feelings. It was strange to watch Jasper witness Bella reestablishing her self-control. Usually, that kind of rapid emotional down-shift only happened when prompted by Jasper himself and, in his experience, was next to impossible for a newborn to achieve on their own.

Bella, of course, was anything but usual. She wasn't controlled by her emotions any more than she was by her thirst.

I wished I had even half of Bella's self-control! I would have to rely on the rest of the room's emotional volatility to hide my own; this would go over better if I weren't brimming with excitement and anticipation.

I released her and said, "Jazz, Em, let us through. Bella's got this."

Jasper shook his head. "Edward, the risk - "

"Minimal," I interrupted. "Listen, Jasper, on the hunt she caught the scent of some hikers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time..."

 _Sick. Oh, that is_ _ **so**_ _sick...thought he said he'd be able to stop her! ...get for trusting a vampire..._

I hoped Jacob wasn't really going to get sick, though he certainly looked like he was about to. The others were less likely to enjoy the story if vomit were involved.

When Carlisle met my eyes, I made certain mine were properly remorseful and didn't give away my barely contained laughter. My grimace wasn't fake once I saw him anticipate the reaction I would have had from turning Bella into a murder. An emotional mess, indeed.

And one so easily prevented. I had a good three mile radius!

"Edward! How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I know, Carlisle, I know. I was just plain stupid. I should have taken the time to make sure we were in a safe zone before I set her loose."

"Edward," Bella said in a low voice.

"He's absolutely right to rebuke me, Bella. I made a huge mistake," I said pointedly. "The fact that you are stronger than anyone I've ever known doesn't change that."

"Tasteful joke, Edward," Alice muttered. _As if I wouldn't have seen something like that._

"I wasn't making a joke. I was explaining to Jasper why I know Bella can handle this. It's not my fault everyone jumped to conclusions," I finished haughtily.

"Wait." Jasper held a hand up as his gaze darted between myself and Bella. "She didn't hunt the humans?"

"She started to. She was entirely focused on the hunt."

 _...if she started..._

Everyone was thinking it, but it was Carlisle who asked, "What happened?"

As eager to tell him how incredible my Bella was as he was to hear of her success, I said, "She heard me behind her and reacted defensively. As soon as my pursuit broke into her concentration, she snapped right out of it. I've never seen anything to equal her. She realized at once what was happening, and then... _she held her breath and ran away."_

Emmett had barely reacted to the possibility of Bella killing people, but he stared at her in open admiration now and said, "Whoa. Seriously?"

"He's not telling it right," Bella demurred. "He left out the part where I growled at him."

"Did ya get in a couple of good swipes?"

"No! Of course not."

"No, not really? You really didn't attack him?"

"Emmett!"

"Aw, what a waste. And here you're probably the one person who could take him - since he can't get in your head to cheat - and you had a perfect excuse, too. I've been _dying_ to see how he'd do without that advantage."

"I would never."

Emmett always could be counted upon to try and rile a person up. If Bella were to lose control, far better that she do so now, when we were all so prepared. Their exchange was delightful, but it was Jasper I was really watching, and he was experiencing Bella's emotions shift to anger and indignation.

Jasper had seen others lose their heads within hours of their changes due to those kinds of emotions, yet Bella merely glared at Emmett while she waited calmly for my brothers to move out of her way.

I reached out to nudge Jasper's shoulder with my fist. "You see what I mean?"

"It's not natural," he said in disbelief. _...should_ _ **not**_ _be just standing there._

"She could have turned on you," Esme exclaimed, "she's only hours old! Oh, we should have gone with you."

I just shrugged, not having any interest in things that should or could have happened. Bella defied explanations, as unique and unpredictable as the child who kept reaching for her.

"Edward. Please?" Bella reached for our daughter, her hands grasping the air between them.

"Jazz," Alice chimed in softly, "this isn't anything you've seen before. Trust me."

Curious as to how she could be so certain, I focused on her mind. She wasn't seeing Bella and Renesmee. Her mind held an image of Jasper, telling her those very words. Relieved that she had found a way to see Renesmee's future - however indirectly - I flashed her a grin, but she wasn't paying attention to me, either.

Jasper focused on Alice, reading her emotions briefly before relenting. He wasn't about to abandon caution altogether, no matter how confident Alice was. Not trusting me to act fast enough or with the force required to stop her, he put a hand on Bella's shoulder and followed close as she took one slow step after another.

Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme joined us as Bella made her way across the room, their senses alert and hands ready, poised to spring into action should Bella make too hasty a move.

While the others were all pleased by her slow pace - if surprised that she was capable of such caution - Renesmee did not understand why Bella seemed so reluctant to go to her. The hurt and worry she had managed to suppress while waiting for Bella to awaken overwhelmed her now, and she let out her distress in clear cry that drew me instantly to her side.

I cupped her little cheek in my hand, trying to get her to look at me, but her eyes were glued to Bella. Esme and Rosalie shushed and cooed at her. Carlisle reached around me to rub her back while Jasper's long arms snaked from around Alice to pat my daughter's head like she was a puppy. As Emmett shouldered his way in to babble reassurances at her, it occurred to me that the only one not crowded around her was Bella, who was standing alone in the center of the room.

"What's the matter? Is she hurt? What happened?" Naturally, Jacob could be counted upon to overreact.

"No, she's fine," Rosalie said as she passed him the unhappy girl.

Renesmee wasn't interested in being comforted, and only pushed an image of Bella into Jacob's thoughts before squirming about to reach for her mother once more.

Guessing what Nessie had shown him, Rosalie said, "See? She just wants Bella."

"She wants me?"

Wasn't it obvious? I hastened back to her side and gently pushed her closer to our daughter.

"She's been waiting for you for almost three days," I said into her ear.

She had _run_ from the humans, but Bella's careful crossing of the room required a different type of self-control. Indeed, Bella seemed more in control of herself than Jacob, who was fighting his instinctive desire to take the object of his imprint as far from the newborn vampire as possible.

"Jake," Bella said, "I'm fine."

Jacob didn't believe her and continued to eye her with distrust while clinging to our daughter.

But she was fine, I was sure of it. Any other newborn vampire in her position would have been beyond making such reassurances. Any other newborn would have succumbed to their instincts as soon as they became aware of the living, beating heart within Renesmee. Not _my_ Bella!

Bella's muscles were tense and her posture stiff until Renesmee was within reach. I felt her relax beneath my grasp as an easy smile crossed her face. Fearlessly, Bella slid her hands around Renesmee to hold our daughter in her arms at last. None of them seemed to notice me growling at Jacob, who was refusing to entirely surrender the tiny, mortal infant over to her mother. Bella cradled Renesmee against her though Jacob still held on, ready to snatch her back to safety.

Renesmee had but one thought on her mind - Bella. She reached for her mother as she had every one of us, to touch our face and share her memories. Bella was immune to Aro, Jane, and myself. There was no reason to even think she would be capable of seeing what Nessie was trying to show her.

Jasper picked up on her shock, so I guessed she must have seen something!

Her silence stretched even after Renesmee dropped her hand.

"What... was... _that?"_ Bella finally gasped.

"What did you see?" Rosalie asked from behind Jacob. "What did she show you?"

 _"She_ showed me that?"

"I told you it was hard to explain," I reminded her, "but effective as means of communications go."

Curious over what Nessie could have found important enough to share with Bella, Jacob asked, "What was it?"

Bella blinked several times. "Um. Me. I think. But I looked terrible."

Seeing Bella standing here, healthy, _glowing,_ a vision of perfection, it was hard to be reminded so forcefully of the way the pregnancy had ravaged her. To Renesmee though, the memory was cherished. It had been the only time before now when Bella had looked at her and smiled back with love in her eyes.

"It was the only memory she had of you. She's letting you know that she's made the connection, that she knows who you are."

"But _how_ did she do that?"

"How do I hear thoughts? How does Alice see the future? She's gifted."

 _Gifted!_ Carlisle's eyes were fierce when they locked on mine, but his voice was deliberately casual when he said, "It's an interesting twist. Like she's doing the exact opposite of what you can."

"Interesting," I agreed, just as casually. "I wonder if she will ever be capable of projecting without touch."

"Gifts do tend to grow, from all that I have observed. But their essential nature does not change. Aro is thousands of years old, yet he still requires physical contact in order to read one's mind and most likely always will."

"I don't."

"True, but if you had in the beginning, you would now."

"Aro can already read every thought a person ever had. How much more powerful could he get, if not to lose that limitation?"

"You have learned focus and control over the years. Undoubtedly, he has, too"

"Its not like I'd had much choice in the matter. I could either learn or go insane."

"From what I gathered, he does not spend as long reading a new mind as he once did. How much of that is a result of learning how to control his growing gift and how much is due to his growing boredom is anyone's guess."

"At least he can to chose when to hear."

"And yet, he covets your ability to hear at a distance. So many people seek only what someone else possesses while discounting the value of that which they already have. They see the rewards, but not the effort required to get there. Nothing worth having is ever easy."

I hummed thoughtfully. I would never have wished Bella to experience any of the hardships she had undergone, yet coming so close to losing her made seeing them together now all the more precious.

Bella's voice when she whispered, "I remember you, too," was doubly sweet when heard through our daughter's ears. Telepathy was not a gift I would have chosen, but I had to admit that it had its advantages.


End file.
